Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
In 2020, 27% of US Tumblr users had an annual household income of over $100,000.
#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me
complicit-rot
·
2 months
Text
i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back
#rambling to myself in the tags just go ahead n pass by 🫡
#u've been warned
#i can feel the burnout(?) creeping up on me & its been. two days.
#at least my friend is reassured i'm still in their life every few months 👍
#even if i end up hating being dragged out places i know a little relief feels like a lot to other ppl
#but i also just. hate being involved at all. esp if its pity but also when they genuinely want to talk with me. which sucks!
#i hate thinking like that. however it just feels like the most logical path sometimes yk? after (gestures vaguely) everything?
#i'm childishly obsessed with the aspect of destruction. me or them carrying it out it doesn't matter
#any sort of socializing feels like grinding stone together whether or not their intentions seem as pure as possible
#it feels like my socializing button is broken and my battery is locked at 2% 24/7
#its not that i actively try to keep myself locked in self serving cycles to stay pitiful lord knows i hate being pathetic
#i despise being miserable. it may not be Everything i know. it may be comfortable or familiar or whatever edgy shit
#but it takes so much energy to have any emotion. i feel like i wrung myself dry in elementary school
#ultimately i know i'm capable of Having Emotions. they're just all buried beneath 78 layers of static that don't seem to be there for other
#i try to be social. even when i know Deep down i like them i end up hating every interaction. no matter how smooth or funny or whatever
#i seem to have this blanket that makes everything heavier on me. i don't like being weighed down but sometimes i have to comply else
#i know i'll just fucking crash out for the next however many years & end up being more hurt than i began with
#<- metaphor doesn't make sense bc i ditched it half way thru but you get the point
#be social to the complete detriment to my health & appease others or hurt other ppl (something i don't like doing bc i know how it feels) &
#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me
#i Hate wallowing in this fucking pity. this whole woe is me evvybody huwt me so now i feel nudding :( schtick makes me feel so weak
#i like feeling strong by socializing. sometimes i get this litttlee inkling of maybe i should try & put myself out there More but it always
#comes with the same results. one of these days surely it'll change (<- bearer of the curse) (<- but still has hope despite denying it)
#yes i'm in therapy yes i'm working on my social capacity slowly instead of getting my boundaries ran over at top notch speed by my abusers
#sometimes i need to say the self pitying shit out loud to knock me to my senses & be like 'if a friend said this i'd criticize them'
#'if anybody else thought that you'd cringe so hard and be filled with That Specific Misery you feel & hate so much' ohhh right. my bad
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
couugh-syruup
couugh.syruup !!
96x15
pict log
catanist
CATANIST
catanist
CATANIST
dadagr8
Raju Dada