#emotions feelings et cetera. i never know what's goin on

[just-about-nothing]

my own weird orientation is that i exhibit all signs of being functionally asexual except for the whole relationship to sex thing. like yes i am not sure what attraction is (unless it's being generated towards me by another person) and yes the notion of going out and seeking sex fills me with blind horror. and yes why anyone would use a dating app is beyond reason to me. but. i'll also respond positively when a dude makes overtures to me but i also reckon it's out of a sense of gender performance* and desire to experience physical pleasure moreso than yes this person is hot per say. my relationship to women is more complicated and occasionally i prod at it and get such confused signals i've been leaving it alone for like a decade at this point

i think the drop dead funniest thing about this whole thing is that when i was being evaluated for bipolar ii, my poor psychiatrist, who was putting up w fully too much nervous rambling, was like 'do you seek out risky sexual encounters when you're in an elevated mood?' and i nearly dropped my laptop during the zoom call b/c of the horror that image evoked in me and had to nearly scream out 'Asexual!' because the notion i would EVER was so horrific. and she looked at the evaluation form and was like 'well, that changes some of my diagnostic criteria'. bless. i love her

*i only ever really feel like a woman truly when a man desires me. the rest of the time i'm like vaguely woman shaped but mostly i picture myself idk meatloaf in rocky horror mixed with jessica jones. like a little grimy and rough around the edges. this does not exactly reflect on how i look reality lol tho i do have one knee length battered leather jacket that i put on in september and don't take off til april lol

[newsiepedia]

Where’s the Essay, Mod Strings: All the Songs in Newsies (2017) in Order of Boppability

18. The Bottom Line

Now, normally I like villain songs. They’re usually my favorite songs in any movie, and Be Prepared is one of my favorite songs ever. However, The Bottom Line lacks the oomph of other Disney songs. It’s far too low energy, and the instrumentals are unassuming. Most villain songs make me temporarily on board with a villain’s plan, like “YES! Let’s kill the king in front of his son! Let’s lock this woman in a tower and exploit her for eternal youth!”, but The Bottom Line just makes me go “yuck, a capitalist”.

Favorite line: None, they all suck

17. I Never Planned on You/ Don’t Come A Knockin’

This song makes Jack look like a total creep, and I don’t care for that one bit. It also sounds completely out of character- if Jack doesn’t care for moonlight and poetry, then what do you call his little rooftop duet with Crutchie? Besides that, its vague and repetitive. If this song was excluded, his and Kath’s romance would look infinitely more plausible. The Bowery beauties are nice, though.

Favorite line: “Turns out my beau is just some bum/ Turns out that love ain't blind, its dumb”

16. That’s Rich

Now, before you crucify me, here me out. I love Medda- she’s the best adult in the play by far, and she’s clearly very important. But her song is..... eh. My main bone to pick with it is that it’s outside of the plot- I think it could have done a lot more for her character if Medda’s song had something to do with the newsies. Besides that, I don’t really like the style.

Favorite Line: “Now, listen, sport/ This life's too short/ To waste it on you”

15. Something to Believe in

Look, it’s a sweet song and all, but the lyrics are all off. We know for a fact that Jack and Katherine had something to believe in before each other- Katherine had herself, and Jack had literally all the newsies. Besides, I don’t really like the tune or the instrumentals.

Favorite Line: “And if you're gone tomorrow/ What was ours still will be/ I have something to believe in/ Now that I know you believed in me”

14. Watch What Happens (Reprise)

I don’t particularly like Watch What Happens, but I dislike its reprise for one reason- “go and look it up the poor GUY’S head is spinning!” You people WILL NOT shut up about that line! There are so many other good lines in this song to fixate on, why that one? Besides, I don’t like how quickly Jack gets over Crutchie’s imprisonment.

Favorite Line: “And we’ll tell them straight on/ they let Crutchie go or they keep getting pounded”

13. Watch What Happens

As I said before, I like this song a little better than it’s reprise. The chorus and the last bit are quite nice, and I like how it shows Katherine warming up to the newsies. That being said, I don’t like the tune of the verses, which make it hard to listen to.

Favorite Line: “But all I know is nothing happens if you just give in/ It can’t be any worse than how it’s been”

12. Letter from the Refuge

I like Letter from the Refuge mostly because of how it shows Crutchie’s personality. How he tries to make the newsies feel better before thinking of himself, how he makes jokes to cheer himself up, how he lies right through his teeth, et cetera. Also, the part when he sounds like he’s about to cry always gets me.

Favorite Line: “The end/ Your friend/ ... your best friend/ ...... your... brother/ Crutchie”

11. King of New York

I’m gonna be real here- not a fan of the tap dancing. Like obviously its cool in the filmed musical, but in the audio recording it just sounds really weird. The verses are kinda bad, but Albert makes up for it by yelling “KNOBBIN’ WITH ALL THE MUCKETY MUCKS IM BLOWIN’ MY DOUGH AND GOIN’ DE-LUX” at the absolute top of his lungs.

Favorite Line: “Tomorrow they may wrap fishes in it/ But I was a star for one whole minute!”

10. Carrying the Banner

Ok, now we’re onto songs I actually like. Carrying the Banner has really good energy, and the tune is pretty good throughout. The constant breaks for characters to deliver lines is a little distracting, but at least it blessed us with the best line in all of newsies: “I don’t need the limp to sell papes, I got POISONALITY!”

Favorite Line: “We improves our circulation/ Walking ‘til we fall”

9. The Bottom Line (Reprise)

Now THIS is a villain song. It still doesn’t make me want to side with Pulitzer, but it does an excellent job of ramping up the tension. The Bottom Line (Reprise) takes Pulitzer from being a figure for teens to rebel against to a monster who hopefully only eats orphans figuratively (though now I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s literal).

Favorite Line: “Too bad you’ve no family/ but you can’t have mine”

8. Finale

Finale is a really sweet song. It nicely wraps up Jack’s character arc, and the part where Jack and Katherine kiss warms my cold, unfeeling heart a little. However, it does make it sound like Jack was only staying in New York for Katherine and Davey, which simply CAN’T be right- can it?

Favorite Line: “Don’t take much to be a dreamer/ all you do is close your eyes/ but some made up world is all you’ll ever see/ Now my eyes is finally open/ and my dreams, they’s average size/ but they don’t much matter if you ain’t with me”

7. Overture

The Overture always gets me lit for the musical. It features my favorite parts of my favorite songs, and provides a nice buffer between Finale and Santa Fe (Prologue) when I’m listening to Newsies on the train. It doesn’t have any lyrics, however, and I’m not a fan of that.

Favorite Line: There are no lines lol

6. Seize the Day

Mmm, I love me a good song about revolution! Seize the Day has an excellent tune, and really good lyrics. I don’t dig the tone shift, however- I think I’d like it more if the song was either slow and sweet or fast and angry, not both.

Favorite Line: “And say to the others/ who did not follow through/ you’re still our brothers/ and we will fight for you”

5. Santa Fe (Prologue)

There’s so much to talk about for this song. The melody is gorgeous- I think I like Jeremy Jordan’s more subdued vocals here. The lyrics are so sweet, and they really sell Jack and Crutchie’s friendship. And “watch me stand/ ...watch me run” is such a good line. 

Favorite Line: “Close your eyes/ come with me/ where it’s clean and green and pretty”

4. Brooklyn’s Here

I just love the energy of this song! Its a lot more violent than the rest of the striking songs, and I like that. Its also so dramatic? Spot knows the difference between a kid and a newsie: and its PRESENTATION!

Favorite Line: “Now them soakers is in for a soakin’/ What a sad way to end a career”

3. Santa Fe

This song just has so much emotion to it. Jeremy Jordan sings it so well, and the reuse of a song associated with Jack’s happy place in such a sad time hits hard. The addition of the bridge is also great, and gives even more opportunities for awesome melodies.

Favorite Line: “I need space/ and fresh air/ let them laugh in my face, I don’t care”

2. Once and for All

Oof, I love me some angry boys. This is the song that comes after a major turning point- the boys are a lot more serious, and there plan is much more concrete. There is a soft bit before, but it’s a lot shorter and it follows the same pattern as the rest of the song, so I can give it a pass. Also, the key change, godDAMN, I’m getting shivers just thinking about it!

Favorite Line: “In a few hours, by dawn’s early light/ we’ll be ready to fight us a war” (I love the allusion to the national anthem)

1. The World Will Know

Here it is, folks, my favorite song. The World Will Know is the most upbeat of the four strike songs, and I appreciate that. The tune is boppy, and Crutchie gets some rad lines. But what I like most about this song are the lyrics. They’re all really well crafted- simultaneously showing the newsies’ optimism and their determination to fight it out to the end. I had such a hard time choosing a favorite lyric because they’re all so good.

Favorite Line: “And the world will know/ we been keepin’ score/ Either they gives us our rights or we gives them a war”