#eh i was going to hell anyway. at least I'm taking the internet connection with me

[carlyraejepsans]

oh my god I'm living on my own

[elainevc]

please stay pt. 2

fem!reader x levi

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️: Mentions of blood, vomit, low appetite, weight loss, illness, needles, angst

Please do not read if these themes are triggers. Your mental health is more important than stories on the internet. Please take care of yourself <3

Weeks had passed since Levi had confessed. Your health wasn't getting better, but it wasn't getting worse. So, he took that as a blessing.

Hange did experiments and tests every day. They discovered you had alba rheumatismus rulmonum; your lungs were slowly collapsing and you weren't healing because your body was too busy trying to get the nutritions you lacked.

She explained that it was common in women who lived inside wall Rose. Only thirty years ago was a cure developed. The disease practically disappeared after that.

But now that you were diagnosed, the cure was difficult to get a hold of. Erwin had to pull some very special strings to get the syringe in their hands. It was nerve-wracking to say the least, but you wanted to get better. The survey corps needed as many soldiers as they could get and you weren't about to roll over and be killed by a little coughing.

The finally came when the procedure would take place. The 104th cadets visited you in the morning to wish you good luck. Sasha made sure to show up with a bowl of soup from breakfast.

Before they left, Levi entered the room and shooed them out.

He walked over to your bedside and carefully grabbed your hand. His cold fingers traced over your skin.

"How are you feeling," he asked like he was almost afraid of the answer.

"Eh, could be worse. At least I'm not titan food." He smiled but it wasn't genuine. The air was tense as he got lost in his rhoughts.

His eyes had a far-away look in them as he stared at your intertwined hands. When you squeezed he met your gaze. You lifted your hand to cup his cheek and like a cat he leaned into your touch. You gently led him down to your face.

"Don't be so dramatic. It's not like I'm gonna die," you joke but he doesn't seem entertained.

He was only focused on your lips as he met your mouth to his. It was soft and tender and you could feel how much emotion he was trying to convey. Levi always struggled to express his feelings and you were aware of this.

Just as you were about to start moving, he pulled away.

"Promise me you'll stay," he nearly pleaded with you. He was desperate. You smiled and nodded. Like hell you were going to leave him all by himself.

It was strange watching the seemingly emotionless captain breakdown in front of you. You knew better than anyone that he did in fact care about his comrades and he just struggled to express that.

"Hey," you spoke softly with your fingers pulling his chin up to face you, "I'm not gonna leave you."

He took in a long breath to settle his nerves and nodded.

Erwin and Hange entered quietly, a small box tucked under the section commander's arm. She began preparing the injection while Erwin walked over to you.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm ready to get this over with so I can get back out in the field."

Erwin hummed in response. His brows were furrowed in thought. Despite your long-standing friendship with him, the commander still found a way to make you nervous. Or maybe it was your body preparing for the next few days of hell. Either way, his gaze was frightening and you found yourself gripping Levi's hand a little.

Hange walked over with gloves on and the needle ready for you.

You forced yourself to put on a brave face and roll up your sleeve. They wiped your skin down and meet your eyes. The needle was inches from your skin but felt like it was already in.

They slowly pierced the skin and flushed the syringe dry of... whatever was inside.

It didn't feel any different. She pulled away and returned to the box to clean the supplies. Erwin placed a patch of thin gauze over the injection.

Levi helped you stand and led you to your room. You all agreed it would be best to go through the side effects in a comfortable environment. The cadets had helped move some buckets and what-not into the room earlier that morning.

You sat on your bed carefully and Levi stayed standing in front of you. He watched you sway a little as you felt fatigue grab a hold of you.

He knelt down so he was eye level with you. His steel blue irises stared intently at you. Neither of you spoke for a long moment before he decided to put his hand on the side of your face.

His fingers tickled your ear and his palm was warm against your cheek. You moved forward slightly to meet him.

Your lips connected with his in a soft, tender kiss. It was passionate as he tried to convey everything he was feeling in one single moment. He tasted like black tea and you found yourself loving that.

The two of you separated but he leaned in again to kiss your forehead sweetly.

You felt like you could melt right then and there.

"Geg some sleep brat. You don't need to feel any worse tomorrow." You grinned up at him. He didn't mean for it to be funny but he enjoyed your smile nonetheless.

You moved to get comfortable and fell asleep quickly under the covers. Levi sat in an armchair tucked in the corner. He never got much sleep anyway so staying up to make sure you would be okay wasn't a problem to him.

The night passed uneasily. The medication was starting to sink in and your body was becoming more uncomfortable every hour. You tossed and turned relentlessly but never once woke from your sleep.

Levi stood and poked your cheek. You stirred a little but didn't wake. He poked you again until you opened your eyes and looked at him.

"Come on, you need to eat something."

The covers were too warm to leave their safe embrace so you simply curled into them more. Levi rolled his eyes at you and left the room to prepare your breakfast.

He knew you appreciated a cup of tea when you didn't feel good.

The kitchen was oddly silent and Levi wondered where the cadets had gone. Sasha must have already had her breakfast if she wasn't in the kitchen at the moment.

Levi carried the tray of food back to your room, but when he entered your bed was empty.

The sound of gagging came from the bathroom. He set the tray down and hurried to your side. You were hunched over a bucket hurling your innards out. Yeah this was Levi, and he was obviously grossed out by the vomit, but a part of him still wanted to kneel by your side and comfort you.

He decided on a happy medium of pulling your hair back (or rolling up your sleeves if you don't have hair or wear a cap) and resting a hand on your back.

You finished shortly after and cleaned your mouth. It was safe to say you weren't hungry any more.

You returned to the bed as a sudden wave of heat hit your body. Sweat formed on your skin and threatened to drip down your face.

"Levi.. can I get a cold cloth," you ask quietly.

He nods and comes back to your side with a brown towel. He adjusts it on your forehead and instantly feel better. You cough a little to clear your throat, but this sends you into a coughing fit.

You sit up and continue into your arm. The familar taste of iron fills your mouth and soon the inside of your sleeve is coated with blood.

Fuck, this was going to be a shitty week.

The next few days were filled with your constant changing temperature and occasional vomitting. Hange assured Levi that this was the normal process and that you would get better soon. He didn't believe it entirely, or maybe that was just his cynical side.

Your thinning frame and pale skin reminded him too much of his mom. You barely ate anything and couldn't get out of bed most of the time. The bucket seemed to always be in use.

Levi hated watching you like this. He hated seeing you fall apart in front of him and that there was nothing he could do about it.

He knew that the best thing to do was to trust Hange and Erwin buf that was harder than he thought. His trust dwindled the worse you got and the two of them knew he was nervous. They saw the way he looked at your sleeping form, the way he hurried to fulfill any sudden need of yours.

It was all too unsure for him to be relaxed.

The day you stood from your bed on your own was the day he felt his heart beat a little faster.

The day you were able to walk without assistance made him want to run to you and pick up. He wanted to twirl you around in one swift motion and hold your body close to his.

The day you ate 3 whole meals was the day Levi made a promise to himself.

He promised himself to never let you go and to keep you safe until the moment he dies. He promised to protect you and never see you hurt ever again.

He wanted you to stay with him and be his forever.

That was all he wanted after that.

[sugarpopss]

season four opinions that aren't me screaming about Eddie

Okay right off the bat: I'm sad that the Cali crew didn't get more screentime. Honestly, I feel like some of El's story could have been cut and we could've seen what was happening in Cali. I LOVE this version of Jonathan and I LOVE Argyle and I LOVE Mike getting to be a little bitch again. They just felt very removed from the story, which I get is the point bc they're all the way in Cali just-

Okay my larger is point is that all of the plots feel a little disjointed to me? Maybe when Vol2 comes out I'll eat these words like a silly little court jester, and maybe I'm misrembering anyway, but it seems like in previous seasons the plots have all been more connected? Like everyone was generally following different branches of the same tree. Again, maybe in Vol2 everything will make sense. It just struck me as off because that's something I really love about the show, everyone splitting up like Scooby Doo and reconvening at the end. Also, I find Vecna much less interesting after the Henry Creel explanation, though the thought of him monologuing to a bloody baby El is very funny.

Good things: As we all know, I love Eddie. I love him so much. I'm also pretty pleased that Lucas got a bit more screentime and development!! I think he's very interesting but by far the least developed party member. I love that Steve is back to his 'using oblong objects as weapons', and that him and Eddie basically have shared custody of Dustin. I LOVE that Max is working through a hell of a lot of trauma, one of my favorite things is showing the characters coping with what they went through. I really like that Mike was in a secondary group (I consider the Hawkins group to be the main), he really dominates scenes (which isn't a bad thing, he's a loudmouthed teenager) so it gives characters who are usually with him (like Lucas) more room to shine. I also really like his dynamic with Jonathan? Bc it seems like Jonathan has become a bit more confident, or at least less willing to be talked over, good for him. And I adore that Suzie cam back. Honestly I forgot that she was Morman so when they said Salt Lake City I thought 'Who tf could that be?'. She's great. You're right Suzie, the internet is the future. Also, is Eden free tonight? I really like El's skate attack scene, but not for the 'yeah, get that bitch!' reason. I like how it shows us the consequences of El's upbringing, that she basically has no ability to regulate or interact with her own emotions. I think this is called intrapersonal communication, but don't quote me on that. The past few years have been kind of a roller coaster of events and emotions and fate-of-the-world fights, and now without any of that (esp without her powers at all) she doesn't have any way to release any of the anger or grief or shame that's built up. She also never learned how to communicate her emotions to others that well, so even though she has a lovely family now (Joyce's "I have three kids" was very sweet), and I bet my left kidney Joyce would be willing to sit down and talk out some feelings, El doesn't have the tools to do so. Even though I found a lot of the Nina project scenes boring, El's story has a lot of emotional depth and is very interesting. I feel ike she's at her most interesting as a character, and that MBB is at her best as an actor, when El is in a regular shemuglar, everyday situation, because those types of scenes show us just how ill equipped she is to lead a civillian life, and once in a while they show us that she has a loving support system now who's willing to help her adjust. Last thing, I really like Murray. He's a nutcase, I love him and he and Joyce are a comedic duo. They should go on tour. As for ships:

Byler: never really cared about it, honestly. I'm not going to deny that that painting is pretty fruity but. Eh. Take it or leave it. I don't think Will is going to come out by the end of Vol2 though, I just don't see there being emotional breathing room the way there was for Robin last season.

Whatever the fuck is going on with Steve/Nancy/Jonathan: I'm an og Stoncy girl. That said, I think it'd be cool if Steve got to move on. Let him LIVE! I like Jancy best when they're working through a rough patch, though honestly I think the best thing for everyone would be to break up, heal and live a bit and grow as people, then maybe come back together in like a year or two. That's what I think would help them all (all as in everyone, bc even if Steve isn't in the relationship I think he and Nancy just need some space from each other) be healthier, happier people, so it's obviously not going to happen.

Mileven: Again, I have never cared. Eh. Maybe I just don't care about what Mike does that much.

Lumax: Lovely! They're building trust!!!! I think they have the best shot at being an emotionally healthy, functioning couple.

Ronance: Cute. I defintely think Robin has a little crush. Vickie who?

Steveddie: Eh. I think that if Steve doesn't get the OT3 ending (which almost certainly won't happen) he should just be single and heal. But yknow if it kept Eddie around I'd be down.