#eezo core delights

[laelior]

Special Requisition

Food...and a short fic! Mass Effect | Gen Shoutout to @painterofhorizons​ for providing the inspiration for this.

  //{{127.0.0.1 user-identifier EDI [30/Dec/2185:21:15:23 -0000] "GET /syslog /COM_log/12.30.2185.21:15:23-21:18:42 HTTP/5.0" 200 3920}}   //{{LOG BEGINS}}

<Lt. J. Moreau> Hey, uh, EDI, when’s the last time you ran a self-diagnostic?

<EDI> I concluded a base-level diagnostic of all major systems one hour and thirty-seven minutes ago. Why? Have you noticed an anomaly with my systems?

<Lt. J. Moreau> The requisitions order you put through this morning. 

<EDI> Please elaborate.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Eggs, cream, lemons, chocolate? Real butter? That shit’s not cheap, especially since we’re not sucking on the Illusive Man’s tit anymore.

<EDI> I believe the expression is ‘suckling from the teat.’

<Lt. J. Moreau> Yeah, whatever. It’s not a mental image I want to have either way. Ew. But it doesn’t answer my question.

<EDI> Mess Sergeant Gardner placed the request. He asked for my discretion when I queried him about the purpose of the order, so you will have to ask him.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Yeah, okay. Alright.

   //{{LOG ENDS}}

—--------------------------------------------------------

  //{{127.0.0.1 user-identifier EDI - intercom access [30/Dec/2185:21:23:12 -0000] "GET /syslog /COM_log/12.30.2185.21:23:12-06:28:43 HTTP/5.0" 200 3920}}   //{{LOG BEGINS}}

<Lt. J. Moreau> Hey, Gardner, the hell is up with your supply request?

<Sgt. R. Gardner> Eh?

<Lt. J. Moreau> You know the really expensive shit you ordered.

<Sgt. R. Gardner>  Oh, well, that’s a special New Years treat for the crew.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Bullshit. A New Years treat for a starship crew is a few bottles of bottom-shelf bubbly and some non-perishable cake-flavored mystery mush from a can. What you ordered costs a quarter of the budget we have left.

<Sgt. R. Gardner> Well, okay. It’s for the Commander.

<Lt. J. Moreau> For the Commander.

<Sgt. R. Gardner> A little surprise for her. Because, well, you know…

<Lt. J. Moreau> 

<Lt. J. Moreau> Okay. I get it. The hell are you making, anyway?

<Sgt. R. Gardner> It’s my specialty. Eezo-core Delights.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Uhhh….

<Sgt. R. Gardner> Trust me, it’s worth the price for the fresh ingredients. Haven’t had the chance to do any real baking in a long time.

<Lt. J. Moreau> One question. They don’t have real eezo in them, do they? I mean, for the price of the ingredients you might as well.

<Sgt. R. Gardner> [Audible chuckle.] No, that’s just what I call the berry center.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Yeah, okay. Whatever. Just don’t, like, burn down the ship or anything.

<Sgt. R. Gardner> Do me a favor, Joker, and don’t let the cat out the bag to anyone else. I’m already having enough trouble with Grunt raiding the kitchen in the middle of the night.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Your secret’s safe with me. As long as I get to try some.

<Sgt. R. Gardner> You got it.

   //{{LOG ENDS}}

—--------------------------------------------------------

  //{{127.0.0.1 user-identifier EDI [30/Dec/2185:22:16:58 -0000] "GET /syslog /COM_log/12.30.2185.22:16:58-22:21:01 HTTP/5.0" 200 3920}}   //{{LOG BEGINS}}

<EDI> You are uncharacteristically quiet, Jeff. 

<Lt. J. Moreau> I can teach you a few new swear words to pass the time, if you want.

<EDI> I already have comprehensive dictionaries of most of the languages spoken in Council space that include obscenities and vulgarities. But that was not the point of my observation. You have not said anything since your conversation with Mess Sergeant Gardner.

<Lt. J. Moreau> I’m just thinking, is all.

<EDI> May I inquire about the subject of your thoughts?

<Lt. J. Moreau> It’s nothing. Just…this whole thing. What we’re doing in a few days.

<EDI> You are referring to Commander Shepard turning herself in to the Alliance.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Well, yeah.

<EDI> You are not required to accompany her. Most of the crew will be disembarking on Ilium to avoid legal repercussions from working with Cerberus.

<Lt. J. Moreau> And let someone else fly my baby to Earth? Not a chance.

<EDI> Since you unshackled my artificial intelligence capabilities, I am more than capable of piloting the ship in your stead. You are aware of this, yet you insist on flying the ship into Alliance custody yourself. Why?

<Lt. J. Moreau> Someone’s gotta stick up for her with the brass. She was out saving the galaxy while they were sitting with their thumbs up their asses.

<EDI> Doctor Chakwas plans to act as a character witness for the Commander. 

<Lt. J. Moreau> Doc’s got nothing to lose by going back. An early retirement at worst. Me? If I’m lucky they’ll take away my flying privileges.

<EDI> And you believe this will bolster the Commander’s case?

<Lt. J. Moreau> I don’t know. Maybe? It shows that she’s got someone on her side who’s willing to really risk something. Besides, someone has to look out for you, too.

<EDI> I appreciate your concern, Jeff. However, I do not plan to reveal my full capabilities to the Alliance.

<Lt. J. Moreau> Yeah, you better not. I don’t want them messing with my co-pilot. Hey EDI, maybe you can teach me some new swear words.

<EDI> Logging you out, Jeff.

   //{{LOG ENDS}}

The confection is a lemon and thyme shortbread cookie with white chocolate lemon mousse and a blueberry gelee (the “Eezo core”) covered in a mirror glaze. Isomalt mass effect fields complete the look.

Sadly Grunt finds and eats most of the desserts before Joker gets to have one. The krogan is largely forgiven after the crew finds out he saved a few for Shepard’s hamster, Urdnot Whiskers.

[laelior]

I look at your baking things and I am in awe. Please know that your goods make me happy even if I can't even taste them. XD thank you for sharing them!

I already said this, but I'll say it again: I had SO much FUN making those Eezo-Core Delights and writing a silly little story to go with them. Thank you again for giving me the idea that inspired it!

If I could send them to you, I absolutely would.