#edit: i’m also annoyed bc i already got ready so now my brain’s just In That Mode lol

[neverdoingmuch]

I just really love Two Person Love Triangles and Identity Porn. So, maybe a You've Got Mail AU? Or a superhero AU when one of them falls for both the masked hero and the secret identity?

because i love both of these aus i’ve written both!! but they’re pretty long bc i wouldn’t be me if i didn’t plot out an entire fic so the superhero au is here. 

as for the you’ve got mail au, i went off and watched the movie for the first time and i am delighted by your taste anon,,, the au works so well!! 

(okay for some reason tumblr won’t let me indent my bullets so idk how to fix that so big rip)

so we have lan & sons books, a company that prides itself on providing cheap books for everyone to read. think less evil corporation and more we wanted to provide easily accessible books for all people and ended up getting really rich off it

mr lan dadman was meant to be in charge but he ran off and lqr stepped up until lxc was old enough to take over and now lqr just kinda assists lxc when he needs help and does some other work

lqr is definitely the old guy who had a letter thing with this one woman who was enchanting but instead he was chatting to cssr and she was shameless 

anyway lwj works as *random high up job that joe fox has* and his best work friend (and real friend) is jin zixuan

jin zixuan is the heir to some coffee franchise and the two families have a deal which is why you have the cafe inside the bookstores

we gonna give lwj some friends

as for wwx, his mother owned a bookstore, the burial mounds (why did she name it that?? idk she probably told bssr that she wanted to call it that as a joke and bssr tried to call her bluff so she ended up having to call it that a la suibian)

anyway he grew up with his mother and grandmother and they left the store to him (idk what happened to them?? maybe they just retired and are now travelling the world while wwx gets to have the bookstore)

now for the actual plot!!

lwj and wwx met on omegle an instant messaging site and now exchange emails. wwx goes by yiling patriarch and lwj goes by hanguang-jun bc we want that flavour

so they’ve been emailing for years and they never share any personal information - wwx knows that hgj has a pet rabbit but not hgj’s name or his job

as for the significant others?? idk let’s pretend they don’t exist. 

wwx’s best friend nhs, who writes a column for so-and-so, always just comes over to his place and now he’s semi moved in and wwx isnt really sure why he’s here but he is. 

lwj just vibes bc i can’t see him putting up with a patricia unless his uncle  forced him to. even then he’d probably just be ~mysteriously~ gone while she’s home

maybe he has a really annoying pa who thinks its his job to come over and like make him breakfast. it’s su she,, it has to be

so wwx goes into work one morning and wen ning is waiting outside as he always is, ready for him to open and then like ten minutes later wen qing comes in and lastly granny wen comes in

why do they work together?? idk?? granny wen and bssr were close and so the wens and wwx kinda grew up as siblings? yeah i like that let’s go with that

so when cssr decided to go travelling wwx gets left with her store and he kinda knows how to run it but also he doesn’t have enough staff so he ends up hiring the wens (except granny who’s mostly there just to hang out with her family)

bonus: a-yuan always come to the shop after school and wwx gets to recreate the childhood he had with his mother with a-yuan. when the store closes wwx and a-yuan just twirl and twirl until they get too dizzy to stand up and then they lay on the floor and discuss their favourite book they’ve read this week. it’s very sweet

okay so the next day lwj gets to babysit his cousin/uncle/nephew/idk-how-they’re-related-person lan jingyi who is like eight or something?

they go out and hang at a festival and lwj does not buy him a goldfish bc i was very stressed by the way they treated the goldfish in the movie but he does get him balloons and a stuffed toy and plays all the games with him

eventually they’re walking back and see that the small bookstore near the new lan bookstore is hosting a story time so they go inside 

lwj walks in and he’s immediately taken by the atmosphere of the store bc that place was absolutely beautiful and then he hears this voice and follows it around to the back of the store to see the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen in his life sitting on a kinda too small chair with a princess hat? cone? thing on top of his head

he’d planned to stay for like one story and then take jingyi home but he ends up staying for the entire book and it’s definitely not because the guy reading the book smiled at him once or twice

after the story time ends, lwj is reluctant to leave so he ends up letting jingyi pick a bunch of books and looks at a few fancy first edition books with wen qing

and maybe his mother used to love collecting books - the old ones with the yellowed pages and beautiful pictures - and that’s why lwj helps out with his family business,, bc he wants everyone to be able to have books like that (never mind that all their books are like mass produced and lack any sentimentality & the staff dont actually care about the books)

anyway he sees wwx help jingyi pick out books and lets him borrow his handkerchief when he sneezes and lwj’s like oh nooo he’s good with kids too so now he has to talk to him 

so he goes up to buy the books and wwx’s telling jingyi about how much he likes daisies and lwj just blurts out “can i ask what your name is?” and wwx blinks but then smiles and is like i’m wei wuxian, but you can call me wei ying, and i own this store. what about you? and lwj is like wangji, you can call me wangji

wen qing takes one look at lwj and the way he’s staring at wwx and goes you’re going to come back aren’t you and lwj is trying so hard not to just run away so he just ignores her but then she mentions something about lan books and he’s Panicking and jingyi almost says that he’s a lan and lwj just kinda guides him over to a table and then goes back to flirt talk with wwx

anyway wwx ends up going on this big tangent about books and what they mean to people and the whole when you read a book as a child it becomes a part of your identity and who you’re going to become the way nothing else does (and lwj remembers his mother and her books) and then he apologises for going on and lwj is mentally going marry me, but he ends up calling wwx and his mother shameless

but it’s okay!! wwx & cssr are proud of it!

and then yada yada lwj buys the kinda expensive books and ends up awkwardly shepherding jingyi out of the store 

cut to the next day when the lan book store opens properly and lwj ends up telling lqr about how he met wwx and lqr is like >:/ the son of that shameless woman,, how terrible,, it’s okay he won’t be a problem for long bc they’ll be driven out of business. which isn’t the response lwj wanted but lxc seems supportive enough if a bit concerned about how it would work with them as business enemies 

business is already bad for wwx and it’s barely been a week since the lan store opened and he’s pretty bummed out but hopeful that maybe it’s a fluke

then nhs invites him to some fancy dinner with him bc wei-xiong they’re all so boring and smart and have opinions, please don’t make me have opinions so wwx gets dragged along

he ends up talking to lwj at the bar bc how could he not talk to the man who’s standing in front of all that fancy alcohol and getting some fruit juice. (he’d get water but lwj has had to put up with su she all evening so he needs something stronger)

anyway they chat and it’s pleasant but then after wwx gets approached by someone who’s like wow im surprised you’re talking to lan wangji and wwx is like lan?!

cue their passive aggressive argument around the food table complete with caviar and a turkey knife. 

now bc it’s lan wangji,, instead of making scathing comebacks he just makes like factual and to-the-point statements that end up being really bitchy (or does he intend them to be that way? it’s a mix of both of them tbh but in this case he’s definitely being bitchy on purpose) and wwx is spluttering bc that boy does not stand up well against hot and mad people

nhs ends up coming over and defusing the situation but wwx makes a point of stealing the rest of the caviar off lwj’s plate before leaving 

lwj ends up ducking out early as well to avoid su she and emails wwx that night at like 9:45 bc the guilt of being so rude kept him up late and yllz is like oh no that’s so sad ): but impressive! i wish i could zing people,, my brain just turns off the second i need to make a comeback

creative liberties,, wwx is good at teasing but not being genuinely mean? lets go with that

anyway now we get the delightful montage of wwx hiding behind cheese displays and lwj walking out of coffee stores with a newspaper covering his face as they try to avoid each other

when wwx gets in the wrong line at the supermarket lwj comes over and kinda glares the checkout woman into submission and gets her to let wwx use his card which wwx is really conflicted about bc why would he help me?? and once again angry lwj = hot lwj

a few weeks later wwx ends up asking hgj for help bc business isn’t getting any better but refuses to give any details and i refuse to have lwj watch the godfather so lwj just straight up messages him and is like tear that bitch apart

and so wwx decides to tear that bitch apart and asks nhs for help. nhs, fan of the arts and small businesses and local culture, is 100% down for it and writes a scathing article about lan books and how they’re destroying all the aforementioned things nhs cares about

it ends up getting a lot of traction and people show up to protest and wwx even goes on television

lwj ends up seeing the news coverage on the matter while he’s at the gym with jzx

jzx is 100% the guy who goes to the gym just to apathetically walk on the treadmill while lwj jogs

he sees the interview with wwx and lwj is like he’s not this nice in real life and jzx is like you met him?? and lwj is like mn. then jzx is like i bet he’s not as hot and lwj is completely silent but his ears are bright red and that’s how jzx knows that wwx is just that hot

also?? lwj goes on tv and says like three words and he’s kinda annoyed how the news decided to spin that but he also said like three words so what did he expect?

but, despite all the publicity, sales don’t get any better so wwx is like fine can we meet in person and lwj is like sure

he brings jzx along bc he doesn’t know the way there, it’s not because he’s nervous and kind of in love with yllz, it’s because he doesn’t know how to get to the cafe. (it’s two blocks from his apartment)

anyway jzx is like oof man it’s seems like yllz is wwx but he is that hot so not all is lost and lwj is like yikes no not happening im not going in but he also feels bad about standing wwx up so he ends up going in and sitting down in front of wwx

and lwj is like wei wuxian, all this publicity will do nothing to save your business and wwx is like lan wangji who do you think you are (or however that scene goes) but instead of lwj being asked to leave wwx decides he’s not gonna chicken out first so they end up spending like two hours having the most aggressive cup of coffee and chat he’s ever had

lwj is exhausted but he also refuses to give up

but then wwx spits something about how lwj is some cold, heartless suit who doesn’t actually care about or appreciate books so how can he possibly dare to think that he’s better than wwx and that hurts bc lwj had thought that he’d been doing exactly that so he leaves

anyway the next morning wwx is moping around the bookstore bc he didn’t get stood up, he swears. am i not cute enough he moans to wen qing and she’s like your hgj doesn’t know what you look like. but what about my personality? is that cute enough? and wen qing eventually manages to grit out that yes it is cute enough

wen ning comes in and is like are you okay? you got stood up? that’s good! your date might have been the rooftop killer xue yang! he got caught last night! and wwx is like i wish, i just got stood up like a chump

so they ignore each other for a few weeks bc wwx is very hurt and lwj doesn’t know what he’s going to say but wwx ends up caving and emails hgj about how guilty he feels and how even though wwx probably means nothing to lwj, he’s worried that maybe he did hurt lwj and also please hgj i still want to talk to you

now hgj never says a lot, he’s always really succinct and direct but this time he takes the time to write a proper apology. it’s not an explanation bc he doesn’t want to give this up, even if the yllz he thinks he loves is the wwx that he hates, but it is an apology

the next day wwx goes to lunch with granny wen and finally dares to ask her whether it would be okay to shut the store down. he doesn’t want, of course he doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t think he can afford to keep it open. granny just tells him that it’s okay and that if the time has come, the time has come

we don’t have to worry about wwx breaking up with anyone, so he just goes home and asks nhs if he can have some space and nhs quickly packs his stuff and goes home. as he stands in the doorway with his last box of stuff he tells wwx that he’s sorry and wishes he could help more and wwx sends him this tremulous smile but manages to hold it together until nhs leaves and then he cries and cries 

the next day he goes back to work and tries to stay bubbly and cheery even as he sees all of his shelves slowly being emptied and people who haven’t stepped foot in his store in six months are telling him what a shame it is and how they wish it didnt have to come to this and wwx is internally screaming

he manages to stave off any actual screaming but when he closes up that day he ends up going to the children’s section of lan bookstore and just as he had thought, none of the staff care about the books, none of them know any books and he ends up recommending a series to some young mother

lwj, who’d spotted wwx and come over to see if whether he was here to pick a fight, comes to the awful realisation that maybe wwx is right about his store lacking heart

he goes home that night and su she tags along even though lwj just wants space and the elevator breaks. he’s sitting there on the ground listening to his neighbour talk about reconnecting with family and the elevator button pressing dude talks about getting engaged and su she is just there whining about his job and the inconvenience and lwj goes fuck this. when the elevator starts working again he grabs his rabbit and goes back down to the ground floor, ignores su she’s shouts, and goes back to his childhood home

wwx gets stuck closing his store down. he looks around at the shelves and tables he’d grown up with and sees his childhood and a-yuan’s and countless moments he’s had with people he’s loved and realises he’s going to lose it all forever. he grabs the bell, the last thing he has left of the store and closes up for the very last time

in the meantime, lwj is living the high life. he hangs out with his bunny, gets to read pride and prejudice for fun and actually manages to get all the way through it and then his brother comes to visit

apparently he’d broken up with jgy bc he was gold digger-esque and had decided to run off with someone richer and lwj is like oh thats so sad ): anyway nmj is right there and he fills your heart with joy and lxc is like have you ever had someone like that? and lwj immediately thinks of wwx and is like fuck

his first order of business is to buy wwx’s shop bc it broke my heart that she didn’t get it back in the og movie and he starts filling it with books again. he buys ten copies of his mother’s favourite books and places them on the shelf by the door and then he sees a book that reminds him of jingyi so gets some of them and he sees a book covered in daisies and thinks of wwx. and slowly, slowly he’s building up his own library, his own store, and this time every single book means something and for once lwj looks out across the floor with pride and satisfaction

his second order of business is to apologise to wwx for being a dick. he buys some daisies and goes to his place and comes in and cooks soup for wwx. lwj apologises and tells him it wasn’t personal and wwx is like that’s not true, it was personal to me and it’s personal to a lot of people and lwj understands that now. he remembers the way he’d filled wwx’s store and left his own touch and bared his heart through each of those books and he understands. he doesn’t actually say this and just tells wwx that he wants to be friends 

lwj considers coming clean about being hgj but he knows now that he definitely loves wwx and knows that wwx currently hates him but damn is it hard not to say anything when wwx is telling him how much he loves hgj

anyway he’s like organise a meeting again with hgj 

i’d say it’s ooc for lwj not to come clean but this is the man who pined for x decades and just didnt tell wwx that his son was alive so like not ooc at all

so lwj decides he’s going to woo wwx as best as he can and organises to meet up with yllz and then goes and meets with wwx and they end up going to hang out and for some strange reason, even though wwx keeps getting stood up, he doesn’t seem to care too much. he keeps agreeing to meet hgj and when he doesn’t show is more than happy to spend the rest of his day with lwj

and slowly, they start to get closer. wwx takes a sip of lwj’s coffee and lwj buys him daisies. wwx brings him an interesting book and lwj tells him about his mother. they chat freely about hgj and lwj is happy for the first time in a long time

eventually lwj organises the final meeting. wwx is really confused about the place he picked but he’s hopeful that maybe this time hgj will show. after wwx and lwj’s farmers market date ends, lwj ends up asking wwx if he could love lwj and wwx is like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation. ie stammering and blushing and eventually going oh no ill be late and running off

anyway a couple hours later wwx finds himself standing outside his old bookstore and he refuses to look at it bc he doesn’t want to see what it’s become but then, through the open door of the store, a bunny hops out and over to wwx

lwj comes running out after it calling out its name (bichen?? flopsy?? rabbit?? one of them) and wwx looks up and is like oh,, it’s you, i’d hoped it was you and he’s all teary and lwj has a handkerchief that he’d embroidered himself (with gentians of course) and he’s like dont cry yllz and then they kiss and it’s beautiful

bonus: lwj takes wwx inside the store and shows him everything and explains the meaning behind every book that they’ve picked and then wwx does cry for real bc there is definitely an entire two walls dedicated just to wwx

do they open the store as a bookstore again and work together? does wwx end up writing books?? idk up to you. i like the idea that they open the store for story time and sell children’s books but lwj still works with lan & sons to get some heart in their stores and wwx works on his own books in his spare time

[gore-hovnd]

Don’t Breathe: Part Two

As per request of @hydra-trash-spot

Warning For: Toxic/Controlling Relationship, Emotional/Physical Abuse

(Also, side note, I’m literally incapable of proofreading unless things are in post format so please excuse my typos pff)

(Side Note pt 2, electric boogaloo; I edited it and now it’s not as BAD. Idk if this is gonna retag but if it does I’m SORRY, bc I’m awful and I’ve been fixing the formatting smh)

Sweat droplets rolled between his shoulders in a way that made his skin crawl as he shifted in his seat. Staring blankly at the paperwork in his hand, Jack began to read the paragraph at the top of the page for the fifth time. 

Of course there was maintenance happening on the building’s AC unit, of course today was the hottest day of the week, and of course Brock felt the need fuck him over in more ways than one by not letting him call off work for that day. When he looked at it from Brock’s standpoint as a commander, Jack understood why. The STRIKE team had an urgent mission come up, they would be leaving for it in three days, and they needed everyone to be ready. But when he looked at it from Brock’s standpoint as his boyfriend, Jack knew it was just Brock being the biggest dick imaginable at that point. It hadn’t been enough to drag him around the house in a dog collar that left dark, saturated bruises in its wake and made speaking a chore. It wasn’t enough to humiliate him by claiming that the bruising across Jack’s nose and beneath is eyes was from him coming into unfortunate contact with the shower rod the night before. And it wasn’t enough to make Jack come to work in a heavy jacket, zipped all the way up, in ninety degree weather to hide the bruises over his throat. Because nothing was ever enough and despite trying to stay out of Brock’s line of sight all day, Jack knew he’d always be Brock’s primary target.

“I need you to pick up training with Cap today.” Brock stated plainly while JAck shared a lunch that only one of them ate. 

Jack recoiled, looking up from the slowly cooling chicken pasta in front of him. He’d only gotten three bites in before he decided that it hurt too much to swallow. 

“Why?” Jack grumbled, his voice low and weak from both the abuse to his vocal cords as well as disuse. He hadn’t said a word to Brock all day, the anger in him once again rising, bashing against the cage of his resolve like a wild beast trying to break free. 

“‘Cause Pierce called me about havin’ another meeting this morning. I don’t got a choice here, Jackie, I already told the big guy you’d be there.” Brock explained as he scrolled through his emails at his computer. 

“Why not jus’ fuckn’ reschedule.” Jack grumbled under his breath, rising from his seat and throwing his lunch into the bin by Brock’s desk with more force than necessary. The combination of the action and his attitude had Brock looking up from his work, staring at Jack with an irritated look despite the upward turn of his lip. 

“What was that, mouth?” He asked and Jack hesitated for a second. He could challenge it, could try to put Brock in his place, but the lingering threat of the previous night’s events bred an unfamiliar fear in his chest and he pulled his gaze away. 

“Nothin’.” He mumbled, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets before making his escape. 

***

Jack sat in the gym for twenty minutes waiting for Steve. 

And in that twenty minutes he contemplated what the hell had just happened. He’d never been afraid of Brock before. Upset? Yes. Wary? Of course. Angry? Abso-fucking-lutely, but afraid? Never. And whatever was causing that fear to fester in his chest was making him sick. 

The doors to the gym opened and Jack broke from his thoughts, staring up to meet the bright, happy smile on Steve’s face that oh-so-awfully contrasted from his own bitter mood in a way that was borderline annoying. 

“Been a while,” Steve chuckled, offering his hand to help Jack get up from his place on the floor. He took it, pulling himself up and suppressing a hiss of pain as his body ached. That brief tumble down the stairs last night must’ve taken more out of him that he originally thought. 

As the two of them readied themselves; stretching, wrapping their hands, and ultimately building dread in Jack’s stomach, he couldn’t help but lose himself again. 

“Are you gonna wear that the whole time?” Steve piped up, pulling Jack back to reality for the third time in the past hour. 

“What?” He asked, forcing his shoulder to stretch despite the strain of his muscle. 

“That jacket.” Steve elaborated, gesturing at him to emphasize. 

Jack glanced down at it, somehow momentarily forgetting he had it on, before shrugging with a nod. 

“Yeah.” 

That was all he chose to say before the two of them stepped into the ring. There he stood: in a jacket, white basketball shorts, and black athletic ankle supports, staring at Steve who wore something similar, just with a tank top instead. 

The two of them sparred for a bit and from the very beginning, Jack knew it wasn’t going to end well for him. The soreness that blanketed him only seemed to get heavier the longer he tried to force his body to move. It slowed his reactions, made it impossible to keep up with the living god that was Steve Rogers. Jack didn’t think he could take goddamn Captain America down even on a good day so trying to on a day where all of his muscles were simultaneously on fire definitely wasn’t going to work in his favor. 

And try as he might, one particularly well timed hit to his ribs had him on the floor. When he looked at the clock, he’d found that they’d been at it for a solid forty-five minutes and Jack was almost impressed with himself. That is until Steve fussed over him like a damn mother hen. 

“Shit, Rollins are you alright?” Steve asked, dropping to his knees to seemingly try and get a closer look at Jack who, in turn, waved him off as he spit his mouthguard out onto the floor. 

“M’ fine,” Jack wheezed unconvincingly as he pushed himself up with one arm, the other wrapped securely around his chest. Steve didn’t seem convinced, deciding to go for the jacket which had Jack pulling away reflexively. 

Steve paused, staring at him for a moment before he pulled the collar of the jacket down and all Jack could do was look up to avoid seeing the concerned look on Steve’s face. He let Steve unzip the jacket and pull it from his shoulders, getting a closer look. Even the gentle grazes of Steve’s fingers over the bruises on his neck had him flinching, less from actually feeling any pain and more from expecting it. What the hell had Brock done to him? And to think, for a few delusional hours, he thought he was lucky to have that man. 

“What happened to you?” Steve asked but Jack didn’t answer, responding by shrugging the jacket back over his shoulders and forcing himself to stand despite how much his body protested. “Did someone try to kill you?” 

For a single, cursory moment, Jack paused while his brain took time to do a hard reset. The suggestion felt so ridiculous that he wasn’t sure what else to do but play along with it. So he shrugged and watched as Steve shook his head in disbelief. 

“Did you file a report?” He asked and Jack released a bitter laugh. 

“What? Hell no.” He snorted. He knew that Steve’s mind was somewhere else entirely but he couldn’t help imagining what it would be like trying to file a report against Brock. He’d be killed, likely. Pierce already hated their relationship, said it was a “conflict of interest.” Jack thought it was asinine at first but now he was beginning to think Pierce, slimy bastard that he was, was right. 

“You need to, this is important!” Steve demanded. Jack wasn’t entirely sure how he was supposed to react and instead just shrugged it off with a quiet ‘s’ fine.’ only to earn himself a frustrated sigh from Steve. 

“It’s not fine, it’s dangerous! You know what we do, it’s...our line of work isn’t exactly a forgiving one.” Steve huffed. ‘Tell me about it,’ Jack’s thoughts chimed as he shook his head, staring at Steve with a tired look. 

“I gotta get back to work. STRIKE team ships out in three days, be ready.” His voice was monotonous and bland as he turned to head back toward the locker rooms. That’s when Steve grabbed his arm and a rush of adrenaline tore through his body with the force of a fire hose as he turned to throw a punch that Steve quickly dodged, releasing him in the process. Jack didn’t know when he started trembling but now that he noticed, he couldn’t calm his nerves. The sad look that Steve gave him did nothing more than ignite an angry fire within him and suddenly, he was overwhelmed with the feeling that he wanted to fight again. 

“You don’t have to do this alone, I can help you.” Steve offered, taking a step forward and offering a gentle hand, only to have Jack grab hold of his wrist with an unnecessarily intense grip. 

“Ever stop to think I don’t need your fuckin’ help, Rogers?” Jack growled. “Ever stop to think I might just need your head outta’ my ass?” 

With a grimace, Jack shoved Steve back and turned without a second thought, zipping his jacket up as he retreated to lick at the wounds rubbed raw by Steve’s pity. 

***

Going through a week long mission with Steve, while simultaneously trying to hide the bruises Brock gave him, had been absolute hell. So it was understandable that all Jack wanted to do when he got home was sleep. Unfortunately for him, all Brock wanted to do was fuck. 

“I’m serious, no.” Jack growled, pushing Brock’s hand from his hip only for that same imposing hand to latch right back on. 

“Oh, c’mon, Jackie, I need you inside me.” Brock purred, licking at Jack’s throat. By then, the bruises had become a sickly yellow and were faint enough for Jack to stop wearing hoodies and jackets to hide them. The rest of his body healed accordingly and things could go back to being relatively normal, something Jack wasn’t sure if he wanted. Because Brock made him hate normal. 

“I said I don’t want to.” Jack said more firmly this time, finally managing to shove Brock back on his haunches. Pushing himself up on his elbows, Jack held Brock’s glare before his commander finally scoffed and stood up from their bed with a huff. 

“You know, you seriously make me wanna fuckin’ hit you sometimes.” Brock growled as he left the room, undoubtedly planning to sleep on the couch. He always slept on the couch when he was sick of looking at Jack, when seeing Jack made him angry. He knew this, he knew Brock got mad when he said no, knew that Brock didn’t like it when he refused anything, especially sex, and knew that Brock wanted to hurt him because of it. But Brock had never actually said it aloud before. And for whatever reason, actually hearing it was unsettling. 

He didn’t sleep well that night and when he woke up the next morning, he found that Brock had seemingly dropped the entire thing. He was bad about that, about ignoring any sort of argument they had, but Jack didn’t really have any other choice but to deal with it. 

Over time, Brock got worse. Just as he always had. After a while his threats stopped being threats and he stopped warning Jack all together. Sometimes Jack could anticipate it but most of the time, it felt entirely random. Brock would smack him in the back of his head, shove him around, punch him, even, if he was in a particularly bad mood. And Jack was at a loss. 

There was a war waged in Jack’s mind, his emotions tumbling between hating Brock and adoring him. Brock was a terrible man; he was violent and volatile and fear had become a familiar friend to Jack in the months that had passed since the choke chain incident. But every few days, he would be gentle and kind and he’d make Jack feel like nothing short of a god. And for those few, fleeting hours, Jack was on cloud nine. 

But the good times never seem to last and eventually he was sick of making up excuses to stay. 

“Come on, Jack, yer gonna leave over that? Over a love tap?” Brock growled as he followed Jack through their home. 

“Does it matter?” Jack grumbled, shoving some of his clothes into an old backpack. “I’m a grown man, I can leave if I want to.” 

This response, however, wasn’t good enough. Brock’s hand was almost instantly around his arm and Jack recoiled, throwing his elbow back and landing a hit across Brock’s mouth, effectively bloodying his lip. 

“Sonuva-” Brock barked, staggering back when Jack landed another hit on his face. Spitting a mixture of blood and spit out onto the dark carpet, Brock wiped a hand across his chin before glaring at Jack, who was frozen. Multiple thoughts raced through his mind in that moment and somehow he was both proud of and angry with himself. But both of those were overshadowed by the terror that crashed through him like a startling rush of electricity when Brock advanced on him. 

The two of them fumbled around for awhile, battering and bruising each other until eventually, Brock got his hands around the back of Jack’s head pulled, bringing his knee up to collide with Jack’s nose. 

A sickening crunch filled the air and the two of them paused as Jack covered his face, panting while he tried to gather himself. Sitting down on their bed, leaving a bloody handprint on their white comforter, Jack tried to sniff but he couldn’t. Blood dripped down his mouth the same way it had months prior when Brock had pulled him off of the couch and all he could do was wonder to himself why he was stupid enough to stay so long. 

“Let’s go.” Brock growled under his breath, taking hold of Jack’s bicep and forcing him to stand like he was a child. Jack shrugged him off, even going so far as to shove him away, before the two of them trudged out to their car. 

The ride to the hospital was silent and when they got there, Jack refused to explain how it happened. It wasn’t that he was trying to protect Brock, he was just so exhausted… He didn’t have the energy to make up excuses or answer any questions. 

Luckily, it only took fifteen minutes for a doctor to be made available for him. Unluckily, Brock followed him back into the room. And as if his broken nose wasn’t punishment enough, Brock continued to berate him. 

“You jus’ dunno when to quit do you?” Brock growled, his arms crossed over his chest. His lip was swollen, the gash that ran through it shining angry and red. Drops of blood stained the collar of his grey shirt and in that moment the two of them stared at each other with equally intense looks of pure hatred. 

“What?” Jack snapped, trying desperately to convince himself that Brock wasn’t worth a trip to prison. 

“You don’t know how to fuckin’ quit, Jack! You always do this! You piss me off, then gimme that pissy little look when I get mad! This shit wouldn’t happen if you didn’t get me so fucking riled up!” Brock barked and all Jack could do was laugh incredulously, disbelief filling him as he stared Brock in the eye. 

“No, this shit wouldn’t happen if you weren’t such a fucking psychopath.” Jack hissed and just like that, Brock was on him again. First, there was a knee to his ribs, then a fist under his jaw, but Jack wasn’t going to lay down and let Brock beat on him anymore. He’d finally decided that everything Brock did to him was complete and utter bullshit. It wasn’t warranted and he wasn’t ungrateful when he got upset about it. And for the love of God, he didn’t fucking deserve it.

So he fought back. He kicked and he growled and he fought with everything he had. Landed a few good hits too. At some point, the doctor must’ve come in to the two of them fighting and called security. They pried Brock off of Jack, his eye swollen shut and his lip re-busted-open. Jack grimaced, wanting nothing more than to pounce on him while he was restrained. But the security guards were too quick to get him out of the room.

The doctor didn’t ask Jack any questions, simply got him cleaned up, reset his nose, and offered him a phone to call someone. Jack accepted the offer with a grateful, albeit quiet, ‘thank you.’ And he sat for an hour contemplating whether or not he should do what he wanted to do. He didn’t really have much of a choice, though, did he?

“Hello?” Answered Steve’s familiar voice over the other line. 

“If I ask you to come pick me up from the hospital will you promise not to ask questions?” Jack asked. He never was good at easing into a conversation. 

“The hospital? What happened? Are you hurt?” Steve immediately started and all Jack could do was sigh and weigh what options he would have if he decided to hang up. 

“Steve, please.” He begged quietly. He wasn’t proud of the pleading tone in his voice but he couldn’t take it back. Couldn’t hide it. Not anymore.

Steve didn’t say anything for a long time. The quiet that fell over them was the kind that was deafening and suffocating at the same time and he wanted nothing more than to scream just to fill the space. But before he could, Steve started talking again. 

“I’ll be there.” He said softly. 

And he was. In twenty minutes, Steve was at the hospital and the second he saw Jack, it looked like his entire world had been crushed. An odd look of knowing crossed his face as he flicked his head and without a second thought, Jack followed.

After another wordless car ride, Jack found himself in a new place. The unfamiliar space of Steve’s apartment left him feeling vulnerable and exposed, like a rabbit in a field of rabid dogs. But Steve’s gentle hand guided him and it sickened him that his mind was already waiting for that softness to be replaced with anger and pain. But nothing happened and Jack scolded himself for thinking something would. 

They sat on the couch with the same silence that had hovered over them on the phone weighing tension on their shoulders and Jack once again felt the urge to make noise so it wouldn’t feel so heavy on his chest. But just as before, Steve came to the rescue to fill the silence before Jack had to. 

“I guess this is how Bucky always felt when he saw me all beat up.” Steve tried to chuckle and Jack couldn’t help the little snort that left him. 

“Guess so.” Jack grunted in response, sighing as he refused to meet Steve’s eye. It was then that an arm slowly wrapped around him and with cautious curiosity, Jack let it happen, willing himself not to flinch. He half expected other advances to be made but nothing ever came, and he liked it that way. 

Steve turned the T.V. on and for a while, Jack zoned out while late night sitcoms flashed on screen with mediocre, cheesy jokes filling the quiet with a comfortable drone. And eventually, as Jack grew too tired to ignore the exhaustion any longer, he rested his head on Steve’s shoulder and found a relieving sense of peace when Steve leaned on him too. 

And for the first time since he’d met Brock fucking Rumlow, he felt safe.

[beatconductor-blog]

AA: y0u tried t0 c0ntact me? AA: s0rry i was busy being a...grub

😎: i got as much yeah 😎: i guess you ungrubbed 😎: bc listen uh 😎: shits wild 😎: hey you know how you told me sometimes i gotta risk shit 😎: im having second thoughts AA: d0 tell 😎: id rather not 😎: jk 😎: just uh 😎: give me a moment 😎: alright so uh 😎: hey funny story did you know socks also called dave 😎: and also i shouldnt be here in the first place and this is probably the biggest mistake of my life and boy i did a lot of those AA: ... hm AA: i supp0se i AA: c0uld have put th0se things t0gether already 😎: could you or did you 😎: and does that mean were in unanimous agreement that i should gtfo yeah kay cool AA: i did n0t AA: and n0 AA: where d0 y0u want t0 gtf0 t0 😎: yanno 😎: anywhere else thats not here 😎: out of this city 😎: this universe 😎: peoples life > Deleted. AA: hmm AA: let me c0nsider this briefly AA: n0 😎: okay 😎: but uh 😎: i guess shits a lil awkward 😎: like someone shitting into the punch bowl at a wedding awkward(edited) AA: a little bit yes AA: but y0u didnt kn0w did y0u? AA: y0u still d0nt kn0w the full st0ry i assume 😎: yeah no 😎: but i know a lot of other shit 😎: and just 😎: well shit 😎: i guess this is all a lil too much too handle 😎: and im kinda still panicing 😎: look arent you proud of my incredible self-awareness AA: y0u d0nt have t0 handle it right n0w y0u kn0w AA: y0u are pr0bably still sh0cked y0u sh0uldnt decide anything right n0w 😎: alright whos gonna do the deciding then tho AA: im deciding y0u need a g00d hug 😎: sounds like a sound decision AA: im c0ming 0ver then 😎: alrighty 😎: uh ara 😎: thanks

Coco 👑Yesterday at 8:19 PM > There's a knock on Dave's door about half an hour later. rootyYesterday at 8:31 PM > There's a loud noise as something gets knocked over, and then most more hasty scrambling. Then a moment of silence, which totally isn't you trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable right in front of the door, nope. > Then you open the door. And boy, it's a mess. You and the apartment. You look like you didn't sleep in three days, which is probably about right, and there's stuff all over the apartment because you most likely didn't stay in a single spot for more than five minutes. > Also, a soft cawing from like three crows that got very comfy inside because of a window that's been open for just as long. Coco 👑Yesterday at 8:39 PM You got worried that whatever got knocked over was Dave for a moment there but he does manage to open up the door, so that's something. The mess inside is easy to ignore, you know Dave well enough and you grew up with a bunch of brothers. The mess that is Dave though... Utterly pitiful. You just pull him into a tight hug right there in the door. rootyYesterday at 9:02 PM Oh, you didn't expect that to go so quick but... Man, you didn't realize how much you really needed that. You stand there awkardly for a moment, then your arms try to find their way somewhere through Aradia's mane. You realize there's no way you can say anything without your voice shaking, so you choose to just be quiet and let that happen. Coco 👑Yesterday at 9:31 PM Nothing a good long hug can't at least make a little better right? But all good things must end so you eventually let go of him to make your way to his couch, kicking off whatever crap is on there. You gesture at him to come sit with you. "You look like shit Dave." It's important to be honest right? rootyYesterday at 9:38 PM "I know." There it was, the shaky voice. And that half laugh didn't really cover it up. You gladly follow her to the couch though and let yourself drop next to her. And... then what? Being honest sounds like a good plan, but you honestly don't know where to even start. So you opt to just bury your face into her and let out a long-drawn-out noise. Coco 👑Yesterday at 10:01 PM "Shhh..." You just pet the mess in your arms. What can you even say about this whole mess? Not a lot. God knows he has every right t be fucked up over it. rootyYesterday at 10:26 PM

Oh hey is it getting wet or is that just you? No, it's totally not your face that's leaking. After a couple of minutes you actually manage to calm down some and turn, so you're lying somewhat comfy on Aradia's lap and just start babbling on your own as the silence gets unbrearable. 

 "So... you know... Sock being a Dave isn't really the problem. I've- I've talked with alternates before. That of other people and my own. The multiverse is a big and weird place. The issue is that he's, like, THE Dave. The- the one from here. I- I almost forgot this isn't my place... That I came from somewhere else. But... I didn't think he'd exist. He wasn't there. There was only Bro and- Fuck, Bro..." Your voice cracks, but you're not done yet. 

"The shit he said about Bro. I thought he was a better one...." Now you're done, as your voice slowly dies in your throat. Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:05 PM This is actually the first time you have seen Dave become this undone and it's breaking your heart. Worst of all there's so little you can really do for him except for stroking his hair in a weak attempt to calm him down. 

"You couldn't have known that about him though. You didn't know he's around when you arrived here right? Don't blame yourself for something that was out of your control." 

Bro though... It hits you just now how little you actually know about this man beyond him existing somewhere maybe. That's about all Dave ever told you and Sock never spoke about him at all until just yesterday. 

"How...How did Bro treat you then?"

rootyYesterday at 11:16 PM

Don't Blame Yourself is a real big fucking word for you. Aradia should know that. But then again, hearing that little reassurance from her was kind of helped. "Better than him..." This one did, at least. It's not that you wanted to keep anything hidden from Aradia this time, but more than you yourself were absolutely not ready to delve into whatever the fuck you left behind.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:25 PM

You know that's asking a lot of him but damn, there's nothing to be gained by blaming himself for everything all the damn time. "Well... Perhaps he wanted to make up for how he treated Sock? Whatever the reason, that's not your fault either." rootyYesterday at 11:34 PM

Your hand finds hers and just... holds it. Presses it against your head. The more contact, the better. The only way to make this all somewhat more bearable."This whole thing is a fuck." Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:39 PM

You other hand finds his cheek and gently pets it. Shhh... "It is. But it's not your fuck, you are just along for the ride. That and.. You don't even have the full story do you? Like why Sock wasn't around? Don't run away to earth before you at least talked to him okay?"

rootyYesterday at 11:43 PM

"I'm not, alright. I'm just... I don't know." The touch helped. Something nice you could focus on. "God, he must be freaking out..."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:47 PM

You can have plenty of touches Dave. "Probably, yeah... But he's at home, I'm sure he's safe."

rootyYesterday at 11:50 PM

But can you really be sure, Aradia. You sigh. "What do I even say to him.."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:51 PM

"Well knowing you guys... Some awkward introduction while you both pretend everything is fine until you eventually break down enough to actually tell each other what's on your mind."

rootyYesterday at 11:53 PM

You actually finally open your eyes and give her an annoyed look. Mostly annoyed because you know she's right. "Thing is I still don't know what's on my mind. It's all a mess. ..I don't wanna leave him hanging though."

Coco 👑Today at 12:01 AM

"Well we're here to try to sort your thoughts a little."

rootyToday at 12:10 AM

"Well uh. Here's a thought: I hate everything that's happening.  I want him to be alright though."

Coco 👑Today at 12:15 AM

"Sounds reasonable. Sounds like there's no way around talking to him too though."

rootyToday at 12:19 AM

You gesture with your free arm. "Well yeah but how!! 'Hey Sock I know things are hella awkward but I appreciate you' doesn't really cut it does it?"

Coco 👑Today at 12:23 AM

"Why not?"

rootyToday at 12:24 AM

"..." You stare at her. "Does it?" Listen. Aradia should know you're bad at this.

Coco 👑Today at 12:30 AM

"It's a start isn't it? It's reassuring to hear that you still care for him!"

rootyToday at 12:31 AM

"I guess. I hate how everyone always makes that shit sound so simple."

Coco 👑Today at 12:38 AM

"It's not simple. It's really hard, but it's important. You just have to try to explain as best as you can and it'll be okay...ish."

rootyToday at 12:40 AM

"Okayish. Now that sounds realistic for once." Actually, okayish sounds pretty okay. Better than what's going on right now.

Coco 👑Today at 12:41 AM

"Okayish can turn into okay with time and some work you know? It doesn't have to be okay right away."

rootyToday at 12:44 AM

You make some frustrated noises. "Why can't it just be okay right away."

Coco 👑Today at 12:48 AM

"You can't just cheat your way past everything else, that's why." You get his frustration though. He get's a big forehead kiss.

rootyToday at 12:52 AM

You pout. "I can still try." But you've actually managed to calm down a bunch. Who knows, maybe not everything would go up in flames.

Coco 👑Today at 12:58 AM

Boop his nose. "Your cheap cheat codes won't work on your brain Dave. Can't glitch through that things walls either." He looks a little better and that makes you smile.

rootyToday at 1:02 AM

"Hey now. You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of yet. The other half got stuck in the floor once." Her smile actually makes you smile. Damn those gross contagious feelings.

Coco 👑Today at 1:03 AM

"Did you take pictures of your messy glitchy brain? I'd love to see them."

rootyToday at 1:07 AM

"Yeah, but it all looks like vaporwave and dick jokes. Kinda lame, if you ask me."

Coco 👑Today at 1:12 AM

"Aw. I do like this silly brain of yours a lot."

rootyToday at 1:14 AM

"Getting quite mushy there, miss."

Coco 👑Today at 1:15 AM

"Oh no! I will turn it down!" You pull away your hands. No more pets.

rootyToday at 1:17 AM

Oh. No!!! Your desperate noises say that you liked that. Don't take hands away.

Coco 👑Today at 1:18 AM

"But Dave...I can't keep on touching you. That's mushy."

rootyToday at 1:22 AM

"Aw shit. That's a problem. What do you advise?"

Coco 👑Today at 1:29 AM

"Allowing me to mush you up"

rootyToday at 1:30 AM

You wrinkle your nose in fake disgust. "Aw man. Fine. Just this once."

Coco 👑Today at 1:35 AM

Kiss his cheek.

rootyToday at 1:37 AM

Oh. Oh no that's more mush than you expected. And makes you blush a little. Just a little.

Coco 👑Today at 1:40 AM

"Don't get all mushy on me Dave."

rootyToday at 1:41 AM

"Shut up. I'm not. You are."

Coco 👑Today at 1:49 AM

Kiss his nose.

rootyToday at 1:53 AM

Eeeeeeee alright that's getting too much for you to handle. "Okay alright yep." You sit up and rub your face. She can't see how much you're blushing when your back is turned to her. It's like for a moment you actually forgot how much of a crush you got on her. Whoops.

Coco 👑Today at 1:56 AM

"We already done with the cuddling?" You pout.

rootyToday at 4:44 AM

"Sorry girl, I know you can't resist me. I just don't want you to overdose on this Strider quality." Super smooth safe. Almost as if you didn't learn anything.

[littlecafe]

my suband thoughts pt. 2

(me trying to make this post for the 3rd time now) i realized i wrote like a 10 page dissertation instead and i refuse to post all that so i’m just going to copy over a few and keep the rest in drafts for when i want to reference them later

i will include results and elimination spoilers in this post so if you want to avoid those then don’t read this one...i try to keep things spoiler free but i just. have things to say about the results specific to round 2 :-)

jtbc finally striking down accounts on twitter and instagram for posting suband content....i think tumblr is safe bc this website is dead so i’ll continue posting i guess??? they haven’t done anything to that one youtube that’s been posting all the performance videos too so who knows

should i start with more contestant based random thoughts first

i was scammed by jtbc teaser editor bc they used a clip of jeongho “singing” into the mic in their preview and i waited 2 whole episodes (his team performed last in round 2) for me to find out it was a autotuned mic and a vocoder HELP MEEEE SAKJFDSKF at that point literally i could only laugh 

but he plays contrabass? he actually majored in contrabass? or maybe that was his old major, he’s still in school atm since wonsang said they go to the same one but he had educational training on it which is really cool

wait a minute......now that i think about it, that same teaser clip also spoiled the result of yeji winning bc they showed us that she was sitting in the waiting room during eliminations even though they haven’t performed yet (which means we knew her team won AND they already showed us all the matchups before so we also knew who she beat) WHO WAS EDITING THIS LMAO and it wasn’t even a accidental leak like she was sitting in the background, it was literally her reaction as the main focus and everything omg

hwang inkyu hello??? he’s movning’s bassist and he has a combined total of maybe 3 lines of airtime so far i wish he’d speak more bc i was so scared he’d get his ass kicked off the show bc he wouldn’t have been able to make a lasting impression but thank god hwanglin picked him up and seems like he’s going to be moving on with his team in the next round too (good for them the stage was so good i wanted to post it but haven’t yet..)

i used to really like movning’s music but their music direction went into a style i don’t listen to much so i haven’t checked into them recently, tbh i didn’t even know they auditioned until i looked at the full list of contestants later because their stage was cut out and only inkyu made it in

park dawool and hwang hyunjo both have galaxy brains and i would trust them with my life - yea i will not elaborate much because this post is already long even after i shortened it bc i talk too much but hyunjo making entire ppt slides? to present her theories and ideas? yea she’s absolutely ready for everything, for real she’s carrying her teams to victory

leenzy’s 2nd round team was so strong that i thought she got to pick really early (since they showed us all the team formations before airing the actual performances with the behinds for pickings and stuff) but she was actually the 2nd to last pair?? so all that’s left is her > the guy she chose to be her opponent, and then the poor guy that gets to pick from the remaining 6 or so and the final team of the ones unchosen

i was really shocked to find out no one wanted nakyung and ahkyung when i thought they were some of the best :-( i really still can’t tell if the mixing of male and female was a good idea esp since it was so skewed male in the first place ugh in round 2 it seems like the girls are getting shafted???

out of the 6 girls (that can be picked since 3 are frontmen!), 3 of them were not picked up until basically the very end when you don’t really have many choices left...nakyung (guitar), ahkyung (drums), and sujin (vocals)...and they’re all really good?? sujin ended up on the second to last team (basically the last team if we’re being honest since the actual last team is sadly the band of leftovers) and i just don’t understand why they weren’t picked up earlier...i can understand sometimes vocalists can get shafted because the show starts out with a loooot of vocalists so it’s hard to find a place for all of them but guitar? drums? u can definitely pick them...there’s literally only 7 or so drummers to begin with and one has been glued to crackshot the entire time

before the season started i was already terrified that the girls might get shafted because jtbc didn’t want girls auditioning in the first place but it was fine in the first round but now the second round made me think about that again.....it’s worse when they spin the whole “yes!! all girl band!! girl power!!!” when the reality was they weren’t picked up this whole time. annoying.

but this blame has to be shouldered by jtbc bc they wanted to keep it all boys but bc of public reactions (rightfully so) they decided to let female contestants audition but then it turned out that they barely pass any female contestants so it’s still terrible?!! i’ll just write this up that teams are still trying to figure themselves out and work with different people for now....maybe i’m just worried for nothing

not to absolutely curse myself but i think most of my favorites might make it at least to round 4 and i feel like a decent amount will make it to semis so haha /knock on wood but i really hope this stays true...i just need nokdu to continue taking care of hyunsang and make city pop bops together because the judges seem to like that so far

i’m just worried about demian....the judges keep saying he’s improved so much but why do i feel like they will cut him as soon as they need to eliminate more people.....i’m not as worried about round 3 (unless his team falls on their face) but round 4 is where i’m really scared...it’s the last round before the real deal and in season 1 the round 4 eliminations hurt so bad...they cut like 9 people or something

i mean he has his own career as a soloist so he doesn’t need a band like some of the other contestants but i think he really enjoys being in a team with others, honestly i don’t even know if his company would allow for him to be in a side band? even if he were to make it? like mone made it but all their members had solo careers and with the rose and woosung having problems it must be way they just decided to stop after the show unlike the other semis teams purple rain, lucy (they did have a vocalist change since joohyuk stayed with his current band gift), aftermoon (but i guess their dj dropped out i don’t know what happend with dpole??), and of course the winners hoppipolla all continued making music together under the same name

honestly if he makes it past the judges i don’t even know if the public would vote for him, atm his popularity with the public seems nonexistent? lol but to be fair, for most contestants it’s like that, but i do wish he’d become more popular

actually should i be more worried for haeun...she plays classic guitar and usually they don’t like classic leaning instruments but she showed she can sing so i hope she gets to stay

there’s danny too but i think i have given up on him making it until the end, the only way is if he manages to stay on teams that win so he’ll never be up for elimination but i feel like they’re out to get him TT_TT

but i’ve condensed my solid favorites to just demian, yeji, haeun, and jeongho...maybe i’ll pick a 5th eventually but i still like everyone i put in my first post! i really want hyunsang to make it far though bc the vibraphone brings me so much joy so he can be honorary 5th for now

about eliminations though, right now the judges have eliminated less than last season which is odd for jtbc because i feel they keep to their formats almost exactly so now i’m just ?????? if there’s still more people currently....what is going to happen? are they going to make the judges cut more during rounds 3 and 4? or they trying to equalize the semifinals teams since last year some teams had 4 people while others had 5? are they going to do the unthinkable and give us more rounds or semifinal teams? (i wish) anyways kinda scared to see what round 3 eliminations bring now...

the actual eliminations have been mostly as expected for me, still sad but i guess since i sensed it coming it became more a feeling of like “it couldn’t be helped” and also early eliminations hurt less in general because you had less time to get to know the contestants which is why i’d rather they just eliminate now than later if they were going to do it anyways like pls spare me the pain (but this is selfish and contestants probably want to stay as long as possible)

one surprising one was ludi??? he’s a dj but he’s literally done nothing wrong so far i was just wtf??!! when they eliminated him like it felt out of nowhere.....i feel like djs have so much potential on this show because of all the sounds they have access too but i guess the judges aren’t found of edm noise

also demian nation we rise at dawn, when he said “i’m not okay” like- this song really meant a lot to him too i hate thisssss

PLS I JUST WANT HIM TO WIN ONCE SO BADLY but next time, thanks to kfans detective work on the teaser, it looks like junseo (the smol piano child) picked him and jeongho to be on his team (maybe there’s a 4th member too??) and i am putting my faith into that team now pls help my winless boys

the fact that jeongho is winless is almost funny to me because it’s also obvious he’s a judges favorite but i mean that doesn’t translate to wins just i’m pretty sure he’ll make it to the end regardless (like bohoon the vocalist of purple rain lost all 3 /technically all 4/ rounds and still made it), he plays bass and no bassist has ever been eliminated on the show yet so cheers to that

round 4 was special since they switched over to a number format and no band versus band i don’t remember if the team with the top points were immune to elimination or not (or maybe just an unwritten rule bc why the heck would you do that to them after giving them the best score) but the rest of the teams were fair game - which is exactly why this elimination round is the scariest and not good for my heart especially after i had spent weeks watching them sing and have fun..........

ok now to complain about the judges AGAIN: why are the judges thoughts on what they want in a band so damn similar anyway?

i mentioned this in my first post already about how i dislike the judging atmosphere

but now i actually see it...in the numbers...like s1 there was a bit more taste diversity within the judges but now i feel like i’m seeing a lot of 4:1 or 5:0 scores so i went to see the breakdown out of the 15 stages we had so far

5:0 score - 6

4:1 score - 7

3:2 score - 2

compared to s1 (out of 14 only because they edited out one pair of battles completely so we never knew their score...)

5:0 score - 2

4:1 score - 6

3:2 score - 6

looking at that...it makes me feel sad....especially in the early 2 rounds it must be demoralizing to keep getting met with 5:0 loss and to be very honest and in s1 the number of 5:0 did increase in round 3 but that was when more teams started to figure themselves out so it makes sense that some would start pulling ahead

i’m really tired of listening to the judges agreeing with each other all the time, it makes it seem like the vision they have for the band was already set from day 1 unlike in s1 where everyone went in with no expectations because it was a brand new program, zero expectations, zero fans, just some kids wanting to make music and that’s what it should be like....music shouldn’t be limiting like this, the judges seem a little closed minded and now i’m 100% sure they have certain band styles in mind (i don’t know if it’s the judges only or if it’s jtbc producers too that’s causing this)

and i see other ifans saying this exact same thing on twitter now too so it’s not just me that picked up on this so safe to say we can’t all be extremely sensitive right

like the contradictory comments -

dongheon’s 2nd round team was told their original song was great and lovely but they brought nothing new to the table and that it was too standard, “just like any other rock/rock ballad song” when i thought the leenzy’s team (the one they went up against) also had a pretty standard? pop rock song? absolutely nothing wrong with it either, even the judges said that the song was not complicated at all but complimented them on their “band feel” so i guess as long as they enjoyed the vibe of the team and it suited the type of band style they have in mind it’s suddenly fine to make a simple song

i’m not saying her song was worse than his (i enjoyed both and seeing original songs performed make me very happy), i’m just a little confused at the judges comments for them both especially when one performed after the other, you really don’t see the bias in your words?

dawool was told his song composition in the first stage was a little too...nuanced(?) and that they wish he could just keep thing simpler even though he thought he toned down already and kept things simple, so round 2 he decided to just work with someone that makes mainstream music (davii) to fulfil what the judges want

seulong’s 2nd round team decided to go heavier on the instrumental side because they figured they didn’t want to go head to head with one of the favorite vocalists of the show (sorry yeji, ur my queen but ur also the judges’ queen too :---( ) but got criticized for a similar reason...yoo heeyeol saying that their composition was “fun for the brain” but if he were thinking about the general public he doesn’t think they would like this type of music, literally saying that the general public do not have the music knowledge or brain capacity to understand all the skill based playing going on musically and so won’t enjoy it because it wouldn’t appeal to their hearts................(ok sure call us dumb it’s true but won’t appeal to our hearts? music can sound intricate and fun? we can enjoy some funky strings guitar riffs without actually knowing all the details ya know)

they also kept telling them (seulong’s team) “oh i loved this” “i wish there was a band like this” “very cool” and gave them no votes??? if you wish a band like this exist then why? would? you? not? vote? for them??? like i can’t tell if those were consolation comments or what 

man judges rant ended up being long asf and i’m usually not affected by them and what they say but i was already feeling an odd vibe from the beginning and now seeing 5:0 after 5:0 after 5:0 really did it for me

overall, a not very fun post to read through it’s just more ranting than anything....i’m dying for a big pop off performance so i can successfully gauge the public opinion so far but i’ll refrain from posting my guess until at least the end of round 3, also i believe the team vibe usually outweighs solo popularity but we don’t know any teams yet (at least i can’t guess anyone yet like i could in s1) so we will still have to see!!

i’m pretty sure only i would look and read through these long ass posts of mine lol but if anyone makes it this far i hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings and see you in my suband thoughts pt.3 

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #4: "I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org" - Brian

So.... BC quit. Don't know why (and I am not gonna enquire, I just know he is hella busy). But ya I don't know what this means going forward but im gonna roll with it. If i'm not flexible, then that is not a good winner. so ya looking forward toi see whatever happens, and if Madigan go to tribal again, all i know is that i will still be safe cause james and I will just get Keaton involved

I’m SHOCKED BC quit because I thought I was going home lmao so now I have no idea what the hell is gonna happen I’m praying we swap tbh so I can meet up with Brian or Bryce who I know sbsbsbs.

Okay I'm super sad BC quit. They seemed like such a sweetheart. And I always hate to see anybody quit. I'm usually kind of annoyed about quitters but I hope BC is all good and it was just because they were busy... :(

This game has been really good to our tribe. We havent gone to tribal. I have a majority alliance of 4. Everyone is active and does 100% on the challenges. Its been good. Havent had much luck in idol hunt tho so probably someone already found it. Still nervous for the challenge. I want to keep winning but the bad thing in the eyes for the other tribe.

The game is always changing... and someone quitting just shows how quickly everything can change in the game. Plans set forward destroyed... alliances ruined just due to what the game might throw at you at any given time. It’s always scary but you know what... sometimes you gotta look at something bad and say hey let’s test my gameplay a little bit... that is what I’m good at and that is what I plan to do!

So we have swapped. and im not with james. This is hateful huh. first bc quitting today and now this. fuck this. and im with marie and keaton as well. ffs. oh well. time to get socialising and do this shit!

I KNEW A SWAP WAS COMING!!! I felt it deep in my bones. Do sharks have bones? I actually don't think they do. Oh well. I KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING. Obviously I'm super nervous now because I was in a great spot before. But luckily I still have my #1 Brian. And Charlie who is a part of my Four of a Kind alliance and he has an idol. Plus Anna and I hopefully can work together like we have in other games. I just hope she trusts me. Ugh and I freaking hope we win this challenge. Because OG Dinah members definitely have a target as the last intact tribe. SO much is going on in my little gay brain.

Okay my brain is going a mile a minute with this swap. I'm reconnecting with Anna. She seems excited to see me and she told me she isn't super close with Jayden or Nick so that's amazing. I told Brian about Charlie's idol. So this is good. We're surviving.

omg so we swapped and im so sad nathan isnt here but thats about it. happy to be away from jayden since he IGNORES me. when i read these after the game im gonna seem so obsessed huh KJDFSHFAKSJD. but anyway. dennis is here and hes one of my fave ppl ever! hes just so nice. we shared idol guesses and i really wanna go to the end with him. matt is pretty cool and we both stan the good place and naomi smalls so i feel like we'll be good allies. marie is a queen and super nice but maybe not super active but we both love ari so yay. naptime maynor isnt really liking my humor JKASDHF but thats ok. and kirby guy is alright too!! nicole seems nice enough if not a little standoffish but hoping for the best :s love this tribe overrall tho and really hoping to avoid tribal

I got ZType for the duels! Blessed. I can do well in this game and I can't be the reason our tribe loses in the RARE chance we do. So i'm feeling okay.

Too annoyed to write too much right now. But yet another org, and yet another swap fuck! Honestly, this is ridiculous. We have three members on either 7 person tribe, and even if we do manage to succeed in surviving another non-dinah is going to replace the voted out member... you can't make this shit up.

I knew the swap was coming. But im with Dennis which is good. He has some connections with Bryce and Nicole so hopefully they work with us. Keaton is also here like oh Boi. 👀 going to see if he wants to work with me this time. Having him around could help me in this game.

James quits by leaving the server and ignoring everyone.

https://gph.is/1neigCU my mood at my initial alliance members both qutiing time to die?

Ok so Klick quit which is kinda upsetting cuz I was grinding tf outta that challenge and I lowkey played a game with him about a year and a half ago and kinda wanted to reconnect. BUT Nathan is now on the tribe which is like the nest possible scenario. Also we have Anna so hopefully we have an easy majority. Also I assume Dennis has began running the game over on the other tribe because he is great and will probably end up voting me out at f9 or something. But YAY F14 IM NOT OUT YET ANSNSKDKLZLXKC

MY IMPACT?  I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org to save Charlie from doing Multitask and then James had a fit because he got it and was sleeping so he couldn't pick... I... can't believe how I'm WINNING this game?  Anna, I hope you get my winner's crown READY because I'm doing the damn thing!  I am sorry I made him quit because I didn't think he would kjHDAJK... but wow...

Although I am in the minority right now based on tribal lines, Nathan is someone I've wanted to work with for like eons, and I feel so much more comfortable with him on my tribe than James and letting Annabelle hold my fate in her hands.  I think I have an upward battle, but I know Charlie has the idol and will warn Sharky in the case I need Charlie to use it on himself.  The two from my OG tribe I got stuck with is by far the only two from Dinah that I would go out of my way to protect in this game and knowing Charlie has the idol... ugh... I don't even have to DO anything and tea gets served to me.  Love Sharky.. love Charlie.. love Nathan... can't wait to thrive in this game now!

So the swap, i thought would have been really bad for us original dinah people but so far it looks like we might pull through. Nicole told by Dennis to me that she is willing to work with us but im a little sketch because she hasnt really responds to me exept like one message and then it stops. Im trying to get info from keaton and see if he wants to work with me. I have to keep an eye on him cuz he’s messy af. 👀 I think we could be a strong tribe so hopefully we win the next immunity. I rather have my no going to tribal streak going. I need to start talking to our new tribe members as well.

well james left so we got nathan i'm not upset about it i love nathan he's my person this game i think and we swapped with sharky on the tribe and i just played with sharky and we're in majority so things are really looking up here for me tbvh i feel like sharky might want to get rid of one of my OG tribe people but we'll see how it goes.

This game is weird man. I was so ready to play 2048, but Kirby Boi #2 was a quitter, so now I'm not playing 2048, both people I trusted QUIT, and Dennis is on my tribe. I am going to lose really soon. But hopefully I can find an in on my tribe and survive.

i just want an advantage. but oh so now 4/5 of my tribe is together and im just here.. love that! not sarcastic!! miss nathan tho! so far clicking with dennis still and naptime. hes a true carly rae jepsen fan i asked his fave and he said sour candy which is like (bad) but not well known so he must actually like her!! nicole left me on read.. love that! sarcastic!! and yaa wooh loving the new tribe that guy who quit bc of multitask kind of a flop but go off now im closer to merge!

This morning finding out that James was removed was suprising. It sucks cuz i was enjoying doing the ztype. I got to 7,100 which i think its good but idk if it actually was. But im ready for this challenge and hopefully we could win in it. Definately dont want to go to tribal.

Okay Nathan is AMAZING. I love him. And I'm totally going to work with him for sure. i'm so glad he didn't flop. And Honestly I'm glad James quit so that I could work with Nathan. This lip sync challenge is going to be silly. I offered to do the editing which honestly is a big undertaking but I like to be in control and It's definitely going to paint a target on my back but if we win it'll be so great.

OMG SO FUN CHALLENGE THAT I HATE WOOH. i love this but i hate it. idk. i REALLY dont want to do a queen song so i pretended to not know who they are NNN but all that caused was my tribemates shading me... and its like... matt says beyonce is just "ok" and i need to listen to real music.??? just say u hate women and go. JK. maybe. but ANYWAYS. love dennis still and naptime is so funny love his pins! nicole left me on read some more so i sent her demi lovatos GET BACK music video and she finally responded with two 5 word msgs and ghosted again so um really loving that! kirby guy also doesnt reply a lot but thats ok totally loving only talking to 4 ppl!

edit: quitters are shitters

Our song is Dont stop me now by queen which is awesome. I just need to find the time to work on it later today or tomorrow morning but have an idea what imma do so thats good. Still talking to keaton but no game talk it. Hopefully soon because im still feeling sketch on this tribe. I dont wanna get voted out pre-merge. *knocks on wood* ✊🌳

Making the video was really fun. Had more fun and felt more comfortable after making the ones before were i wasnt as comfortable. This is one of my fav comps now. Cant wait to see how it turns out.

UM?? I'm CACKLING?? So Sharky showed me the clips he got from Nick and Jayden, and I'm just so confused how straight men get any sort of action when they're as stiff as them?  I mean I guess they're not ugly so that probably helps, but neither of them are good at using a camera... So I'm just SO ...

I have nothing else to talk about other than how fucking STIFF the straight men are in their lip sync videos, so whew... love visibility…

worst comp for me ever like i was fine doing 2048 i could have probably helped with that but like a music video? YIKES that's not my thing at all i didn't know what to do or what to help especially since i'm so not gonna get on camera >.< i hate being useless if we lose like ugh lmfao

Okay so this challenge was...a disaster. I asked everyone to just do the song and then I'd make it look good with editing. That didn't work out. And I had more trouble editing than i thought. I feel like I dropped the ball and I'm not sued to being someone holding my tribe back. I tried to hide our bad lipsyncers. Charlie got sick. And something happened in the rush of uploading it that gave me a weird crop and a couple of cuts that I screwed up but I ran out of time. I'm feeling really disappointed in myself.

Okay we lost. This sucks. two of the judges called out the edit/effort specifically so that doesn't feel great. But I'm going to look at this as a positive. Maynor and Dennis stay safe on the other tribe. And Now I can use this to make some real connections and alliances on this tribe. Like Chad Michaels I will rise from the ashes and be the gayest winningest phoenix you have ever seen.

Ok so me Nathan and Nick should really stick with Annabelle. Easy majority makes easy game which makes happy Jayden

So we lost the challenge, but I don't feel too... bad about that.  I mean if I go home, clearly I fucked the fuck up and felt too confident... but I think that I feel... good?

Firstly, thank you to the judges for recognizing my SNAP in the lip sync.  I wasn't sure they were going to do my rap in the challenge, so I'm glad it was in there hehe... Now... going to tribal is a part of the game and the strategy has been lacking up till now, so I'm excited to jump in and finally explore that part of the game.  It'll be a nice start to my resume, following accidentally make James quit LMFAO.

Right now, I think I'm in a solid spot.  Nick said he wouldn't vote for me and I mean.. we haven't talked much, but I expect him to not lie for no reason... and I'm going to make sure to increase our conversation and expand on what HE wants to happen to just have that tea under my belt.  I think Jayden is who I would like gone, and I think I'd be able to gather the votes to get that to happen.  It's not like I have anything against him personally, but I just feel it's hardest to talk to him because him and I are not alike from what I've gathered.  I'm the uber gay and for the uber gay and the Travis Scott fanboy to get along?  Would be shocking.

I like Annabelle and Nathan a lot and I don't think they'd throw votes for me.  I have my little final 2 deal going on with Nathan, but highkey I don't think I'd keep him as my #1 over Marie, if I get to the point where I meet with her, so I have no problem cutting him or Annabelle in the future.  I do think it'd be better to work WITH them, especially for now, and I think they feel similar sentiments, but I don't know for sure!

But now we come to the real people I would like to protect going into this vote, Charlie and Sharky.  I love my OG Dinah babies so much, and I will make sure their names aren't the targets of this vote.  I think Sharky has set himself up well, and since he told me Charlie has the idol, I think we should especially be OK.  I also think Annabelle and Nathan seemingly want to work with us, so .... whew...

ALSO, this is a mid-confessional update, but 2 alliances were formed.  We have the "Tea Party" alliance with Sharky, me, and Nathan (the gays) and then the "Dinah Dudes" alliance with Charlie, Sharky, and me (OG Dinah's) and then I think another sub-alliance with the "Tea Party" and Annabelle is coming to fruition, so kjHDKAS... ya... I think I'm SET.  I can't wait to wreck shit!

So we swapped tribes and here I am with 3 from my original tribe, 3 from the other tribe and Bryce from the third tribe. Bryce and I know each other, and by that I mean I just blindsided him another org... oops! Hopefully he doesn’t come after me but who knows because I literally did not participate in this challenge at all! We still won though so hopefully I’ll get to redeem myself in the next one

My arms are SORE from pulling all my best Freddie Mercury moves out for this lip sync, I am SO tired. But I honestly am so glad i gave my 100% effort because I truly needed to pull through for this tribe and show them I’m not just a sitting duck. (Is that the term? Idk.)

Either way I’m glad we all got to bond through this and here’s to being safe ANOTHER round (I’ve never gone to tribal so wooooo!)

i want an IDOL or sth. but um dennis is so fun love that man. always asks daily to work with me. like idk how many times i have to tell him that he is literally the only person on this tribe to pm me first without me having to (NOT EXAGGERATION). marie and matt? no reply from marie in like 30 hours and matt hasnt been talking to me since i said idk queen. kirby guy? replies with 1 word answers and taste in music offends me NNN. nicole? who. all she does is ignore me and like somtimes she replies and ill reply in the SAME LIKE 10 SECONDS, and she'll just leave me on read JKADSFHAKSJ. comes back like 9 hours later with no reasoning on why she stopped talking and with just a "hi", and thats if im lucky! idk i hope we swap soon or merge. like the whole preswap i was praying for a swap to find some good allies bc all i had was nathan really, and now i just have dennis. maybe by merge ill have a whole 3 allies??? oh wait theres um maynor hes cool i always have to pm him first but hes at least responsive and can hold a conversation! black bear diner goes off and i WILL be eating there the next time in houston

We lost, which was hardly surprising when I saw the other tribe's video lol. So now it's not looking good for us dinahs... but luckily I have the idol up my sleeve hehe. Gonna tell Brian and Sharky so that we can use it to save us…

I was so happy that we won immunity. Stil feeling a little sketch on this tribe. Injust hope that the vote isnt charlie, brian, or sharky. And especially sharky cuz he’s my duo. Now dennis, nicole, and i are the only 3 to not go to tribal yet. Its pretty awesome amd kinda scary.

https://youtu.be/BfzG9xjtCRw

Down with the straights!  I still think Jayden is going, but if Charlie ends up going I'm JUMPING because that means I've been lied to by people that want to claim to be my final 2... I do trust in Jayden going but we shall SEE!

So the tribe lost and I’m a bit nervous because I’ve only heard one name... I would have loved to saved my idol until I needed it but I think it’s very likely my name could be the second one going around... we shall see what happens though.

Ugh okay so I was hoping for a simple easy vote. But as usual there is just a little bit of drama. Nick told Anna/Nathan that he has a legacy advantage to be used at F13/F6 which is trash because that means if we lose next time he'll use that and be safe. But if we vote him out he'll gift it to Jayden and we have the same problem. Plus Charlie is wigging out because he has a bad feeling about the vote, which is totally fair because he isn't talking very much. And Nick told Anna her name got thrown out which is just untrue. This is just kind of messy and not in a cute way.

Jayden is voted out 5-2.