#edit: I actually kinda vomited welp

[bluelric]

You don’t understand how much I laughed

[thenixkat]

Voltron notes 1 (edited?)

Ep 1

No spoiler opening theme

Those are some skinny ass space suits. Shouldn’t they have like tethers and shit to keep them from accidently floating off?

Harvesting ice cores on Pluto or Kerberos or whatever

They wanna meet aliens

No one notices the ship until its right on top of them. Shiro just assumes its a hostile ship

Bullshit and lazy. Fuckin aliens speaking and understanding English

Also Shiro looks so much better with the darker skin. Like, bring back this look.

This ship is very green and that’s unusual compared to later lighting schemes 

Lance is a dick to his friend

Also, you’d think an air and space program would weed out the folks with motion sickness

Lance is overestimating the abilities of himself, the crew, and the ship

Welp, Hunk fucked up the electronics with the barf. Pidge fell from not using her seatbelt. 

Mutanious comments.  

Lance got the team killed

Iverson called them jackasses

I know I shouldn’t be mentioning stuff that hasent happened yet but like? How the fuck does Iverson not recognise Pidge? She looks just like her brother but tiny and that didn’t raise any alarms? She didn’t even dye her hair or anything? Also is her mom ok with this? Is she skipping out on her classes that she should be having as Katie?

Vomit is not an approved lubricant. Heh 

One of those chicks has green hair

Military exploration school

Pidge doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut

Lance is a fuckin bro

Why is Iverson chewin out Lance for something Pidge said?

Poor Lance

Lights out by five? And it's already getting dark?

Ok but Lance and Hunk in civilian clothes makes them stand out so much while they’re trying to sneak around. WHy not carry backpacks with their regular clothes in them while they wear the uniforms until they find a safe place to change. 

Lance is that friend who gets everyone into trouble

Have I mentioned that I hate fat jokes?

Also these kids are shit at sneaking. They didn’t even wait a minute to make sure the patrol dude couldn’t just turn his head and see them. They also made a shit ton of noise.

Pidge is bad at sneaking too, didn’t make sure she wasn’t followed and didn’t keep an eye out for anyone who might spot her on the roof.

Hunk is scared of heights

Pidge is bad at lying

Hunk is nosey af

Lance is trying to be a good team leader

Pidge is trying to uncover a government conspiracy and picked up alien radio chatter. 

If a teenager with little funds and homemade equipment can pick up alien radio chatter than the people who listen to the stars for a living sure as shit picked this shit up.

Lance doesn’t believe in aliens.

Hunk is scared of aliens

School is on lock down

Holy crow. Lance is a potty mouth

Hunk didn’t believe in aliens either

Pidge and Lance jump at the chance to go check out a crashed alien ship. Hunk doesn’t like this.

How the fuck did Pidge remotely hack a camera feed?

Ok but like it makes total sense for them to quarantine Shiro. He might have space pox.

Also Shiro’s skintone changes between 2 dif frames

Hunk neither knows nor cares who Shiro is. And is trying to be the voice of reason

I’m taking that as a fat joke. So fuck you show.

Where’d Keith get the hover car?

Where does Keith get all the explosives? Does he make them?

Lance spotted his eternal rival and doesn’t want to be beat in rescuing the hero. Hunk knows who Keith is

Pidge doesn’t know who Keith is

Why’d they choose that ugly ass tone for Shiro there? He looks kinda grey

Lance was not important enough for Keith to remember him

They’re making Keith take them along for the ride. Also that is not a vehicle designed to carry so many people.

Keith’s got snark.

Pidge yer not doing anything else the least you can do is be useful and keep Shiro from falling off the bike.

Hunk can identify every teacher chasing them

Keith is having fun driving while everyone else screams in terror

So Shiro’s just wearing Keith’s dad’s clothes

Convenient amnesia

Also Shiro’s got a generic ass masculine face

Keith can sense energy

So, those markings and paintings had to have been made by some Native Americans. Which group? What’s the timeframe? Those paintings are showing Blue do stuff so how long was her pilot still around and kicking for? Did she have other pilots before going into lockdown and just chose to stay on Earth? How’d she get to Earth in the first place if fish dude probably died in battle with Galra forces?

Lance hesitates b4 shaking the mystery alien cyborg hand

Hunk is nervous that there might be an alien invasion soon.

Hunk is nosey as hell and a bit of a dick

If I point out everything that is or probably is a fat joke I’ll be here forever

Hunk is smart as hell

Matching a wavelength of an element to a terrain carved by erosion? What? That’s not how anything works

Wait, if Keith has pics of the murals why didn’t they start looking there?

Yeah no those kids are hurt, possibly dead from that fall

The Voltron

The eyes have no pupils and the head isn’t moving, how can you tell the eyes are following you?

So did all of the lions pick these kids and college student from seeing them through Blue’s perspective? How does the lion choosing thing work?

Hunk states the obvious

How is Lance supposed to read the screen when the text is constantly changing. That’s not how computer.

Lance takes Blue on a joy ride and even Keith is not having fun

Also Blue is just fucking up the poor desert

Hunk is a little bitch who thinks giving people what they want will stop them

Holy crow. Hunk has a potty mouth.

So there’s just like a Galra ship right at Earth. The Galra know where Earth is and probably invade it. We just gonna forget about that? Like yes that ship is chasing the lion but nothing is stopping more galra going to Earth.

Shiro is the senior officer so Lance defers to him

So the lions can open wormholes on their own.

Hunk vomits inside Blue

Lance why?

How did none of them notice the castle. Like that is a massive ass castle

They just didn’t check to see if the air was human breathable

Pidge, why the fuck would the steps be bigger if the control seat of the lion was human sized?

Alien tech speaks english

Why do they reuse Cree’s voice for so much

Why do aliens from 10000 yrs ago fucking speak english

Also fucking elves

Also fucking Europeans

Rude. Allura’s first response to meeting an alien is insulting his species looks

Quiznak. Coran has a potty mouth

Also how the fuck do you know anything about this alien’s biology? Why the fuck would a sleeper hold fucking work?

SO why didn’t Alfor use the ‘strongest weapon in the universe’ to fight Zarkon? What, did Black not want any other paladin than Zarkon?

Alfor lies to children.

So how did they send away the other 4 lions? Alfor probably got caught and killed but like from that flashback ep the other three og paladins weren’t in their armor nor shown near the lions or anything. Did the lions hide themselves? Did they have other paladins that piloted them away?

King of the Galra? Bitch he was an emperor well before his fall you should know this.

Convenient amnesia.

How long is the average Galra lifespan?

Could Haggar not? Sense the Blue lion on Earth? How?

Also Haggar really went and got herself a whole ass monster husband

Zarkon calls in the squad. Sends Sendak to fuck shit up

Lance is not good with numbers

Sigh

How do yall even know the food in the castle is safe for humans?

Coran how the fuck u know yall the last Alteans left? Did ya fuckin look?

How the fuck did some nasty ass mice get into the fucking cryopod? How did they survive in a cryopod calibrated for an altean? Why are the mice necessary to the story?

How do the alteans recognize a galra battleship after 10000 yrs?

Lance starts a fight with Keith for no reason. Shiro breaks up the fight.

Did I mention that I hate body functions humor? 

Why and how did Alfor connect the lions to Allura’s life force?

Coran just straight up called Pidge a slightly less stupid than average primitive. Racist as fuck.

Lion’s choose their paladin so Allura just fucking assigns lions to aliens she’s known for less than an hour.

How does she know anything about these aliens? Its been less than 5 mins since she met them.

How the fuck does Allura know here all the lions are but the red one?

How do we know Voltron is the most powerful in the universe? They ain’t seen the entire universe

How do the Alteans know how long an earth hour is?

So an altean brought Green to this planet?

What the fuck kinda dumb ass rabbits come out of hiding when they know strange creatures are near?

To be fair, peaceful might mean something else in Altean. They are fucking space Brits

Hunk asks good questions when he’s not stating the obvious

Also that is a barren ass planet. But it was formerly inhabited.

Hunk rewires alien machinery while under heavy fire

Why does it take so long for yellow’s murals to start glowing? Was Yellow thinking about whether or not she wanted Hunk as her Paladin? Yellow really said if you want me you gotta put in effort.

The Galra were this close to getting Yellow too.

Pidge asks questions.

Who built that pyramid for Green and why did they let it get overgrown?

Pidge somehow didn’t break a leg from that jump

So I’m gonna assume that Blue told Yellow what was up

How well can Yellow move through rock?

Green really wanted Pidge. Like she was lighting shit up immediately.

So Blue actually got pretty damaged from regular ship fire and hiding the ground wrong

Hunk would apparently have let Lance die

Pidge and Shiro are some lyin ass bitches

Lord of the Known Universe. Most of the Galra empire is empty space

It took 600 yrs between a grandfather and grandson altean?

Lance and Hunk vote run

Pidge votes stay and fight

Um. Why would the Galra fuck up Arus when yall are the top priority? Like, sure they can come back for it but the lions are a bigger deal and thus they would chase yall over take Arus

Hunk is making very good points

Also Keith, while Sendak could destroy Arus and then come after yall. It’d be a waste of time and resources. 

Keith votes stay and fight

Shiro chooses not to vote

Alfor’s hologram admits he fucked up with sending the lions away

Allura votes stay and fight and I guess Coran isn’t voting like Shiro

Fuck you show. Why did we need eighteen thousand fuckin fat jokes?

Coran is an asshole

Ok but like that doesn’t look like a good chest plate? Like it looks like if they bent over they’d get poked/stabbed by it? And what’s up with the high sides of the belts?

What the fuck Pidge?! That coulda killed Lance or taken him out for a good while?

Wait, if the ship has a thing that can like just fucking make suits? Why can't they just make more bayards? Why wouldn’t Alfor design something to make more bayards?

Why doesn’t the galra ship have rear view cameras?

Wait! How the fuck do you cut a hole in a space ship and that not fuck with pressurization or set off any safety allarms?! The fuck kinda bullshit is that?

Sendak? Why do you expect aliens to know what that beam was for if you didn’t tell them?

~False surrender is a fucking war crime b/c it removed the option of surrendering for real if the need arrives so it leads to more fucking people dying~

No they didn’t Shiro. Battleships are things that get mass produced. If this is the exact same ship u got put in after the green one then that is bullshit on a cosmic scale.

Shiro is ok with letting prisoners die. Pidge is not, granted it's probably b/c she thinks her family might be on there.

Poor Mrs. Holt. She just got fuckin forgotten by everyone.

So Pidge has an outburst and fucking disobeys the mission leader. Shiro decides to help her just b/c he might know one or two of the people he was willing to let die. And they leave Keith with no fucking backup.

Keith would have legit died if the guards remembered that they have fucking guns and can shoot him when he dropped his shield. Which means Keith would have died if not for plot bullshit b/c his teammates don’t particularly care about his health and safety. Pidge and Shiro care more about the male Holts than Keith and all of the other prisoners that might be on the ship.

Wow.

How does Keith not hold this against them?

No the mice were not necessary, not if either of these dunces whent and opened the control panel from the other side.

That sounds like bullshit. 

Ya know I didn’t have any problems with Hunk the engineer being able to operate an alien elevator or drill by hotwiring shit. But I do call bullshit on Pidge reprogramming a sentry pod thing by changing the connection of one wire.

I still call bullshit on aliens speaking english and all atmospheres being 100% agreeable to humans. B/c that is bullshit

And why the fuck would the color of Rover’s lights fucking change?

… they only checked one fucking room for prisoners but that’s  it I guess? The fuck

Why did the Red lion let the Galra take her? Did she consider that one of the galra on the ship might make a good paladin for her?

Keith gets caught b/c his dumb ass starts shouting on a stealth mission

Keith, they already have the lion. Yer the one trying to take it

Like I said previously the guards forget they have guns and thus Keith lives.

So… how did Keith impress the Red lion? He fought people, lost and blew out the airlock. Which is still a loss if the lion didn’t feel like saving him.

Vore

Guards continue to forget they have fucking guns for plot reasons.

Hunk and the gang leave without destroying the enemy ship or making sure that its irreparably damaged

Coran, Lance, and Hunk have foul mouths

And this is why you fucking confirm yer kill

Why isn’t there a combine button?

Heh, Yellow’s face after slamming Red. Also Red looks so offended about being rammed. 

What the cheese

Hunk’s gone into panic mode and Keith has accepted death.

Shiro gives a speech and they form Voltron

Why are the bad guys giving them the time to form voltron?

Why doesn’t Voltron have a tail? Where does Black’s tail go? Voltron should have a tail.

Any other prisoners on that ship are dead as fuck

How did I watch this show  the first time? It's not good. It’s pretty but it is not good.

[madness-of-void]

Pretend

Also on AO3

Theme: Friends To Lovers

It was safe to say that Stiles had, as the saying went, gone done fucked up.

How?

Oh. Easy.

At work, he was busy editing another one of Eddie's crappy articles like always. (Seriously, why did they keep this clown on? He wrote in text talk through the entire article, for crying out loud!) Minding his own business for once. And then Lawrence, headache inducing Lawrence, slid onto his desk. Nearly knocked everything to the floor, earning a murderous scowl from Stiles. Instead of backing away and hopping off the desk like a normal person would, the douche had the audacity to ask if Stiles had a date to bring to the upcoming party.

Now, Stiles was far more interested in pack activities. He usually avoided work parties like the plague. Most of the time not on purpose. There were actual pack shenanigans going on during those parties. Even then, he never paid any attention in the first place when these party announcements were made.

So, of course, Stiles had no idea about this one, either.

Unfortunately, this sent Lawrence on a ramble about the party. Who knew that the Beacon Hills Monthly had parties for...nothing in particular? Not Stiles! Prior to this encounter with Lawrence. Who was currently giving him a borderline migraine.

After Lawrence was done signing praises to this party, he asked again if Stiles had a date.

Then proceeded to ask that if Stiles didn't have a date, if he'd be interested in being his date.

Now normally, Stiles would have a witty, sarcastic comment he would shoot out that would put Lawrence in his place. Shut the guy up for a week. Or tell him that he had family things going on. Only he knew there wasn't any pack gathering the day of the party to save his hide. Witty, sarcastic comment it was!  

Heh, well, that wasn't what happened.

This time, Stiles blurted out something utterly stupid.

“Thanks for the offer, but I'll be coming with my boyfriend.”

It was a beat too late before he realized what he had said. He had to tamper down his horror as Headache Lawrence begrudgingly congratulated him. Followed by telling the entire building that Stiles had a boyfriend.

And then, and then, Georgina came up to Stiles, gushing and sounding so excited that her favorite had a boyfriend. She just couldn't wait to meet the man that had won her Stiles' heart! Give the man cookies and kisses on the cheek! Because Stiles was like a grandson to her, and this mysterious boyfriend would become like her second grandson!

This was when Stiles knew he had fucked up.

Royally.

“What am I going to do?!” he wailed upon arriving at his apartment and telling Scott on the phone the story. “The whole damn building thinks I have a boyfriend! They're gonna expect me to bring one to this stupid party! Georgina wants to give the guy cookies and kisses on the cheek!”

Scott hissed, probably wincing on his end. “Yeah...you messed up. Bad.”

“I know! What do I do!?”

“Get someone to pretend to be your boyfriend?”

“Pfft! Like who? You're married, and as much as I love you bro, I'm not gonna pretend that I'm boning you.”

“Thanks for that imagery...”

“Boyd in on his honeymoon with Erica. Isaac is occupied with a whole hell of a lot of things, so I'm not asking him. Jackson sure as hell won't do it, and that's just fine by me 'cause nooooo thank you. Liam can't act or lie worth shit. And I love Corey and Mason, and they may be the best candidates, but I know they are still shaken over the whole kidnapping thing, so I'm gonna leave them out of this.”

“What about Derek?”

Stiles sputtered, nearly dropping his phone. “H-huh?”

“What about Derek? He could do it.”

“I-I don't think he would, Scotty. And I kinda don't want to ask him to.”

“Because you have a ridiculous crush on him?”

“I thought we vowed to never speak of that? Besides...we may be pretty good pals now...but it took a long time for it to happen, and the guy has a bad track record of people using him, and I think this might count as one of those. I don't want to break his trust, y'know? Make him feel used.”

“How would this make him feel used?”

Stiles loved Scott. Loved him like a brother. He really did. But...sometimes...

“Just ask him. If he says no, then pretend you're sick on the day of the party.”

He sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “That might be what I have to do.”

“After you ask Derek.”

“Can't I just skip that part?”

“Ask him, Stiles.”

Scott hung up, leaving Stiles no chance to continue his weak whining. With another sigh, Stiles plopped down on the couch, staring at his phone screen. This was going to be so much fun. Mostly because he figured that doing this face-to-face would be the best way to go.

Hopefully this wouldn't boot him out of the pack.

If it did, he was going to kick Scott's ass.

He sent a quick text to Derek, asking him to come over for a chat. Surprisingly, the dude replied back instantly, asking if now was good. Stiles half hoped Derek hadn't replied. If he hadn't, then Stiles wouldn't have to do this. He responded back that now was fine, and nearly had a hernia when the wolf said he'd be there in five.

Welp...this was going to suck all the balls.

All. The. Balls.

~+~

Stiles expected Derek to be pissed as hell when he word vomited his predicament. He expected Derek to be livid when he asked if he would pretend to be his boyfriend for the party. But...

“Sure.”

Huh. That was unexpected.

“Wait...really?”

The wolf shrugged, arms folded. “Yeah. This Lawrence guy sounds like a pain in the ass.”

“He is. Dude has no idea that when I say I'm not interested, that it means I'm not interested.”

Derek nodded, wrinkling his nose in annoyance. “Hmmm. Need to learn.”

“You're not going to rip his throat out with your teeth.”

“Fun sucker.”

If it had been years ago, back when he was sixteen, Stiles would've gone ape shit over Derek freakin' Hale saying something remotely funny. But, alas, they had known each other for some time now. Derek actually had an amazing, dry, sarcastic sense of humor. One that Stiles could appreciate whole heartily.

“Lawrence aside...Georgina sounds like a lovely lady.”

Stiles snickered, shaking his head. “Oh, she is. Very grandma-like. Cheek pinching and all.”

“I hope you mean my face.”

“Eh. It's a fifty-fifty deal with her.”

Derek gave him the 'what the hell' face before mumbling, “Nevermind...”

“Anyway...” Stiles rocked on the balls of his feet, still anxious about all of this. “We should talk about boundaries. What you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. That kind of stuff.”

Again, Derek shrugged. Appearing completely unfazed by any of this. “Whatever you're okay with doing is fine.”

“No no no no no. That's not how this works!”

He approached the other male, gripping at his shoulder tightly and giving him a highly serious stare. This was the hundredth time Stiles had this type of conversation with Derek. Maybe was beyond the hundredth. He was a little surprised he still needed to tell Derek these kind of things. Then again...with Derek's history...

“I'm putting you in this sort of awkward position. Which you can totally back out of any time you want. And since it will most definitely be awkward, I need to know what I can and can't do. I don't want to make this any worse for you than it will be.”

With an eye roll, Derek took Stiles' wrist, removing it from his shoulder but still held onto it. “You're not putting me in a sort of awkward position. I'm offering to save your ass. But, if you're so keen on making boundaries...don't smack or pinch my ass. Don't talk about me like I'm a slab of meat. If we kiss, you can't give me tongue. You can't call me sweetie or sweetheart or baby.”

There was a pause. Stiles waited for Derek to add more to the Do Not Do List . Never happened. He blinked in confusion, tilting his head to the side. Derek followed suit.

“That's it?”

“Yes?”

“Oh. I, uh...expected more.”

“I know. But that's it.”

“So...I can hold your hand?”

“Yes.”

“I can kinda snuggle up next to you?”

“Yes.”

“Can I kiss your cheek? I won't put you on the spot with the lip kissing.”

“I'm fine with either. Just no tongue.”

Stiles nodded eagerly, a swoosh of relief hitting him. “Done. Deal. No problem. I'm totally cool with all of those rules. I really don't have any. I'm kinda on the same boat with you. But! But but...you can one hundred percent call me honey. Or...uh...Mischief.”

There weren't questions asked. Yes, a brow raised, but nothing verbal. The wolf licked his lips, nodding.

“All right. When is this party?”

“Uh, Saturday. Not this Saturday! Next Saturday.”

“Mmm. Plenty of time to practice.”

“Yep. Plenty of time to – wait. Practice?”

A sigh. “Yes, Stiles. If you want to convince these people, specifically Lawrence, that we are dating...we need to practice.”

Stiles flailed his arms, skin flushing. “B-b-but why?! We know practically everything there is to know about each other!”

“They will question if we aren't acting like we're affectionate in some way. Lawrence may keep bugging you if he thinks there is trouble in paradise.”

Ah. Good point. Excellent point. Derek was such a smart cookie. A smart cookie who was going to make Stiles kill over. Fake affection or not.

This was going to be an interesting week. Maybe even a little fun.

If Stiles didn't die from it.

~+~

Thank god the night of the party came by swiftly. Stiles was certain he was going to have a heart attack with all the affection Derek and he had been practicing. It was certainly not curing his not so small crush on the man. In fact...it was making it a million times worse.

At least it would be fun while it lasted...

Stiles picked up Derek an hour before the party was to start, wanting to get them to it quick so that they could leave quicker. And what does that bastard do? Dress in Stiles' favorite pair of jeans – the ones that fit tightly over that ass – and wear that damned maroon sweater with the thumb holes. The thumb holes!

This was it. This was how he died.

Derek briefly commented on how nice Stiles looked, which did not help matters. And it was made worse when Derek mentioned he had always thought that the simple black t-shirt and maroon skinny jeans looked perfect on him.

Yep. Death. Death was upon him. Maybe not swiftly, but it was upon him!

When they arrived at the party, a few people were there. (Not Lawrence or Georgina, though.) They were gawking at the man Stiles was holding hands with upon entrance. Gawked more when Derek introduced himself with the most genuine, sweetest voice Stiles had ever heard. And he was smiling. Actually smiling.

Lord...give him strength...

Upon Georgina's arrival, which was done loud and spectacularly, she spotted Stiles and Derek instantly. She flocked right on over, suffocating them with hugs and peppered kisses. She bombarded them with questions – the same ones she had been asking Stiles all week. While Stiles stuttered a little, a bit overwhelmed, Derek handled it like a bonafide pro.

“We met when he was sixteen. He was trespassing on my family's old property.”

“Yes! He is such a blanket hog!”

“He introduced me to his mom first. It was a little easier since I, uh, wasn't on good terms with his dad at the time.”

“Mmmm. Yes. He does all the cooking. I'm the baker.”

“No no! You're fine! I'm actually working on trying to regain my family's property. I'm thinking of rebuilding the house. We have a lot of gatherings with our friends and their families, so a bigger place would definitely be the best thing for us.”

It was dizzying trying to keep up. At the same time...it was...nice to see Derek open up like this. He really wasn't telling much lies. Most of it was truthful. Of course the supernatural was left out of it, and most of the lies were about the romance part of their relationship. Other than that, Derek was very honest and sincere and smiling the entire time he spoke with Georgina.

This was just adding to the non helpful things this was doing to Stiles' crushing.

Then...Lawrence showed up.

The very second he saw Derek and Stiles, his face soured. He came up to them, introducing himself to Derek, and, for some reason, was sizing up the werewolf. It was close to impossible for Stiles to hold back a snarky comment.

Not so much for Derek.

“Are you checking me out?” he scoffed. “I'm sorry, sir, but I'm happily taken by this tall drink of water right here.”

Then, then then...Derek decided it would be a great idea to kiss Stiles on the temple.

The hole punches on his Lord, Give Me Strength card was all punched out.

Almost passed out from the rush of adrenaline he suddenly gained.

Lawrence swallowed, eye twitching and face straining to contain a horribly fake smile. “And what a drink of water he is.”

“Isn't he?!” Derek said in a sweet, giddy, close to high pitched voice. “God, I'm surprised no one has tried to take him away. I mean, it was a problem in the past. A huge problem. 'Course, it happens to me, too. I guess we're both irresistible.”

It took everything in Stiles' power to not choke on laughter. It was clear that Derek was talking about Lawrence. Hinting that his advances weren't welcomed. Lawrence's eye twitched again, and his smile was faltering. So was Derek's.

Shit was about to go down.

Stiles could feel it.

The werewolf straightened his posture, showing his true height, and flared his nostrils. “Stiles tells me that you've been making unwanted advances towards him.”

Lawrence snorted, the fear in his eyes visible. “They weren't unwanted. He welcomed them full heartily.”

Brow raised. Jaw tightened. Oh no. Not that face. “Are you calling Stiles a liar?”

“I might be. He does make tall tales. Like how you two are dating.”

“Ah. Hate to break it to you, but we are. Have been for years. On and off.”

“Oh. On and off, huh?”

Derek crossed his arms, puffing his chest out. Had that infamous glare on. “You make it sound like you have a chance with him. Well, hate to break this to you as well, but you don't.”

“Oh, I do already. I mean, we did share a nice kiss last week. It was pretty X-Rated.”

Okay. Stiles had to step in. Or else Derek was going to strangle this bozo.

He got in front of Derek, an arm left behind him so that he could press against Derek's chest. He gave Lawrence the dirtiest look he could muster, curling his lip into a mock snarl. At this point, he could see from the corner of his eye that their coworkers were watching the show – hanging by every word, every action. 

Frickin' nosy bodies.

“Lawrence, cut the shit. You're trying to puff yourself up like a peacock, and it is idiotic. Drop it. Accept that I'm not ever going to be interested in you. Move on. Quit being a creeper. I'm with Derek, and that's the end of it. Give it up. Especially since I can tell you're about to shit your pants.”

Lawrence, good ol' headache inducing Lawrence, laughed. Sort of maniacally. But it wasn't intimidating. It was just...weird. Super weird. Like he was trying to trick himself into being less scared. He then patted Stiles' shoulder, which made Derek lurch forward a smidge, and grinned.

“Oh, Stiles. I would. I honestly would. But you see...I don't believe you two are dating. And once I prove it, you'll owe me a date.”

“I won't owe you anything! So back the fuck off! You know something, Lawrence? I am so sick of your -”

Suddenly, Derek swooped Stiles off his feet, carrying him bridal style away from Lawrence. He took them over to where Georgina ran off to, where he set Stiles back down and sparked up a cheery conversation with her. Acting like nothing had happened between them and Lawrence.

Everyone else had as well.

Lawrence kept stealing glances at Stiles and Derek, which was unnerving. Each time Derek caught Lawrence doing that, he wrapped an arm around Stiles, pressing a kiss to his temple, and promising that he was safe. With each kiss – Stiles shuddered. He felt his knees go weak and his stomach swoop.

Derek was way too damn good with this pretending...

The rest of the night went off without a hitch. It was actually a fun party. Eventually, however, Stiles was getting worn out by being around this many people. Derek, too. They excused themselves and finally left to go back to their homes.

During the drive, Stiles struggled with words. He had to find the right ones that would ring gratitude. Because he was grateful for Derek doing this for him. Despite it being a little painful to think that those little kisses and other affectionate actions wouldn't happen between them again.

“Derek?” he finally said quietly.

“Mmm?”

“I...thanks. For doing this for me. And for helping me with Lawrence.”

“Anything for you.”

He chuckled nervously, turning into the parking lot for Derek's loft. “Yeah, well, you were pretty good at the whole fake boyfriend thing. Too bad Lawrence didn't seemed convinced. But the guy is known for feeding off of denial.”

Derek hummed, contemplating something.

It wasn't until Stiles parked that he said what was on his mind.

“You know...I think I'd be pretty good at being a real boyfriend. If you're interested.”

It was a very very good thing that Stiles was parked. Because he would've slammed on the brakes if he wasn't. He gaped at Derek with jaw hung open. He could not believe what he just heard. For a moment, he was certain that he heard wrong.

Judging by Derek's expectant expression, he hadn't heard wrong.

He flailed, hitting a hand on the roof of the Jeep. “You're – are you serious? Are you teasing me? Because if you are...it's not...it's not fun -”

Derek silenced him with a kiss. On the lips. It was soft, tender. Sucked the air right out of Stiles' lungs.

When it stopped, Stiles found himself chasing the taste. Chasing after someone he thought was unattainable. He felt a hand cupping his face, caressing it gently, cautiously, like it was scared to break him. Didn't have to open his eyes to know the look on Derek's face. Had seen it before. He just thought it was never for him.

“Want me to swing by on your next work day and take you to lunch?”

Stiles grinned wickedly, allowing himself to finally stare into Derek's gaze. “I didn't give you an answer.”

“Mmm...think I know that you're interested.”

“Hmph. Cocky ass.”

“Only when I know I'm right. So...about taking you to lunch the next time you work...”

“Make that a two or three times a week thing, lunch dates or you bring me lunch, rub it all over Lawrence's face, and you've got yourself a deal.”

Derek chuckled, daring to place a kiss on one of Stiles' eyes. “Deal.” He pressed a kiss on the corner of Stiles' mouth, smirking when his boyfriend (Real one! Not fake! Holy crap...) shuddered. “Want to stay over? Or should I stay over at your place?”

Stiles' heart did back flips. Spending the night already? They were moving so fast!

Then again...

“My pillow is in my room...”

“Mmmm...your place it is. And, uh, you have anything I can borrow?”

“Sweats? Maybe a double extra large shirt? Wait, we're right here! You could just run in and grab something!”

The werewolf shrugged, bobbling his head around as if he was playfully thinking about it. “I could. But I'd rather go to your place as soon as possible. It smells like you.”

“Awww! You like how I smell!”

“Well...yeah. You smell like honey spices and fresh oranges. It's pleasant. Soothing.”

Stiles teased him about that the entire drive to his apartment. Once they arrived, they got ready for bed and just...cuddled. Talked about date plans. Took guesses on how the pack was going to react. Discussed what days would be the days Derek would swing by Stiles' work to either drop off lunch or take him to lunch. Even tossed ideas back and forth on what the layout of the new Hale house should be.

It was nice.

It was different, yet the same.

It felt like this was how it was supposed to be. How it always had been.

It was the first night in years that Stiles slept through without waking once.

It was also the first time since his mom that he woke up to breakfast being brought to him in bed.

Stiles, already, may be just a little in love.

Okay...a lot in love. But one step at a time. He would have a perfect opportunity to say it eventually. Right now...right now he wanted to enjoy this. The true beginning of them.

And if he was having a blast gloating about his boyfriend making the best, goddamn chocolate chip pancakes he had ever tasted to every single person that would listen, that was okay. Because Derek made the best, goddamn chocolate chip pancakes he had ever tasted!

And that was not pretend.