#eddie just doesn't know how to react he's overwhelmed

[florallylly]

steve coming out to the party as bi and eddie munson immediately getting angry bc if he knew Steve Harrington was an option, he would have been all over that (and he will be)

[luveline]

idk if you’ve done a request like this before but maybe roan (sweetest girl ever) gets moody and says something mean or does something mean to reader and maybe reader gets really sad over it and eddie helps roan apologize or make it better?

thank you you for your request! eddie and roan. fem!reader, 2k

Roan's hair is softer than her father's but twice as unruly. You hum and haw over what to do with it —she wants it out of her face because the weather is so, so hot today, your hands clammy even now, but lately she's complained about hairpin headaches. 

"Ready for brushing?" you ask. 

"No." Roan squirms in your lap. "Can you just put it up, please?" 

You nibble your bottom lip. You don't necessarily need to brush it, she's not going anywhere. She's lovely with or without neat hair, but… 

"I don't want it to get matted," you say, almost to yourself rather than her. 

"I want to go play," Roan whines.

You don't wince at her derision nor her impatience. She and her handsome father are the people you love most in the world, and to be able to do that, you've had to adapt to how children react. They can't control their bad moods with half the expertise of adults (though some of the adults you know can't do it, either). They need wiggle room.

And affection, undoubtedly. 

You stroke her hair back from her face. She jerks away from your touch. 

"Ro, I'm sorry," you say, in an attempt to assuage her unhappiness. Her fuse can be rather short. You'll all be happier if you can snub this flame before she has a meltdown. "I'm just trying to think of how best to do this, that's all. Can you give me a second?" 

Hair up? Clips out of her face? You know she's not in the best mood, and sometimes elaborate hairstyles make her feel better, but you can tell what she wants now is to be by herself with her dolls in the cool breeze of her standing fan. Simple ponytail, you decide. You and Eddie will just have to deal with any knots that happen when they happen–

"You're not good at hair, I should've asked dad," Roan declares, jumping off of your lap. 

You're startled, with barely the wits to say, "Hey, don't be like that, honey, I can do it–" 

"No, you can't do it." She snatches the hairbrush from you and turns the other way. "Dad will do it faster." 

"Hey," Eddie says, as though summoned by her mention. He stands in the doorway to the living room, a familiar yet foreign look on his face as he towel dries his wet hands. "Why are we talking to each other that way?" 

"Because she's slow!" Roan says, agitated, hands in fists at her sides. 

"Hey, no. I don't know why you're feeling unhappy, but being mean isn't going to make it go away. You don't talk to people like that, especially Y/N," Eddie says. His dark, thick brows furrow with frustration. 

Roan visibly gets more upset. 

"You want to go have five minutes?" Eddie asks her.

She throws her hairbrush on the floor and pushes past his legs, her footsteps like pangs of thunder as she stomps up the stairs. "Ugh!" she shouts. 

Eddie frowns at her as she goes but doesn't call anything more. You clasp the back of the couch in unsteady hands, a weird, strangling pressure wrapped around your throat like a hand. Your sides ache at your twisted position. 

Eddie, to his credit, isn't mad. He toes aside the thrown hairbrush with a confused pout. "What the hell just happened?" he asks. 

You're not sure. Roan's not happy because she's overwhelmed by the inescapable heat of summer, her TV volume is stuck slightly too loud at 27, and she didn't like the broccoli Eddie asked her to eat at lunch. Your slow hairstyling was the last straw, evidently. 

It hurts to have her angry at you. Hurts that she thinks you aren't measuring up to her father. 

You rub your eyes. "My fault. Couldn't get the brush through her hair 'n' took too long putting it up." 

Eddie lights up. You used to think it was theatrical, how he performs his affection, but the longer you know him, the clearer it becomes that he's just a dramatic guy. He sidles up to the couch and takes your face into both hands. 

"Not your fault," he says gently. Then, with more gusto, "She's grumpy, I'm sorry she took it out on you."

You try to play up to his bravado and find your own performance falling flat. "Yeah." 

His thumbs draw soft lines on your cheeks. You really like coparenting with him (though it feels a little weird to put it that way, and also very right) but in moments like this, you remember how much you love being his partner. How much you want him to kiss you and think you're pretty and smart and perfect. Eddie kisses the top of your head and gives you a hug over the couch, squeezing the tops of your shoulders, your face pressed to his neck. 

"It's not a big deal," you say. 

"No, it is. She's not having a good day, but I don't want her to be someone who takes it out on other people." He drops his lips to your forehead. "I'll go talk to her in a bit. Try not to take it personally, sweetheart. She knows how much you love her 'n' she knows she can be unreasonable with you like she is with me and Wayne. Blessing and a curse." 

You're reassured by the idea. Roan's showing off with you because she knows you're not going anywhere. She's moody and you'd been the first one to make a mistake with her today.

"I'm good at hair," you say unsurely. 

"You're great. Me and Ro have looked like a pair of Abercrombie models since we met you," he praises. 

"Think she's gonna be mad at me all day?" you ask. 

"Babe, you're mad at her." 

"I'm not," you say. 

"You're supposed to be." He gives your shoulder a rough rub. "I'm gonna go talk to her. Don't be upset, yeah? You're amazing." 

You accept a clumsy forehead kiss. 

Eddie leaves to soothe Roan's mood. You can imagine it now, his hip propped on the door jam, his unimpressed but patient look. You know we can't talk to each other like that, Ro. Even if we're not feeling good, we have to try to be nice. Do you know what's making you grumpy? Can I fix it for you?  

It's easy to guess what he's saying because you've heard it all before. He's a good dad. He might not always feel that way, but he is. 

You're not worried about Roan in any grand sense. She'll be okay. You're scared that what she said is true —you're not as good as Eddie at doing her hair. You're not as good as him at lots of things. 

You feel inferior to Eddie often as a parent. It's a given, considering that he's her primary caregiver, and has been since the day she was born. That's years of bonding and love you can't touch (wouldn't want to touch, really, wouldn't ever want to change how it happened at risk of messing up what you have now). You're not even really her official stepmom yet. 

What if Roan loved you because she was too young to know better? What if you're not good enough to take care of her?

Little footsteps drag down the stairs, followed by louder ones. You sniff and wipe the stressed tears that had been collecting in your eyes away, relieved to see Roan looking a little less enraged in the door. Eddie gives you a startled look at your expression, for which you can only offer a small smile. 

Roan doesn't mind the walk, standing in front of you where you're still sitting on the couch with ease. She glances at your lap where you clutch her hair ties in both hands, rubbing her own together guiltily. 

"Hi," you say hopefully. 

Roan looks at Eddie. You watch him nod from the corner of your eye. 

"I'm really sorry," Roan says. "For being mean." 

"That's okay," you say, holding your hand palm up atop your thigh, just in case. 

"Dad said you'd say that, but…" She eyes up your hand. You push it forward, and when she takes it, you draw an encouraging circle into her skin. "'Cus you love me, you don't get angry, but…" 

"What did you tell me, sweetheart? You can tell her. It's okay," Eddie prompts. 

Roan looks up. Brown eyes wide but soft brows pinched together unsurely, she says, "I didn't mean that you do hair badly. Please don't stop doing my hair, and kissing my cheek in the morning. Um, and playing dress up with me." 

"I'm not gonna stop doing those things," you say softly. Internally, you're relieved. "I love doing those things."

"Roan shouldn't have been mean," Eddie interjects. "Right?" 

"No, but she was having a bad day," you say, giving her hand a little swing. "Yeah? That's okay. I have bad days too, and I say things I wish I didn't." 

Roan looks uneasy. "You're not mad at me?" 

"Do you want me to be?" you tease gently. 

"No," she says through a shy laugh. Her stomach presses to your knee as she steps forward. "I didn't mean it about my hair."

"I know." 

She puts her hands up for you to pull her into your lap. You're more than willing to oblige, tucking her head under your chin. She's small in your lap. 

"I love looking after you," you murmur into her hair. "It's my favourite job. I know I'm not as good as daddy at things, but I didn't get all the training he got." 

"You're just as good as dad," Roan says. 

"You're better," Eddie says. 

You turn your head to grin at him. "Not true, but I'll keep trying, Ro. I'll get it." 

Roan fights to escape your tucking, her head tilted back, the blue glow from the fish tank cooling her face. "I love you now," she says. 

"Aw," Eddie says, though he looks shocked at himself, like it had slipped out unbidden. 

"I love you too," you say. More than you can explain. 

She puts her hand on your collar. "I'm sorry," she says again. 

"She knows, babe," Eddie says, flopping down onto the couch next to you both. 

"I forgive you straight away," you agree, rubbing the short breadth of her back lovingly. "It did make me sad, worrying you didn't think good things about me, but it's okay. I know you were getting annoyed. You couldn't help it." 

Roan's smile is so relieved you can't stop yourself from taking her face into two hands and planting kisses into the heart of her hairline. 

"Love you, silly," you say. 

"Share!" Eddie demands, his weight on your arm. 

Roan giggles as she's painted in kisses. Eventually, when her rosy cheeks have been covered inch to inch by kisses and she's so loved up her eyes are shining, she pushes you both away and holds her hands out. "I need space." 

You and Eddie laugh breathlessly and lean back into the couch, shoulder to shoulder. 

The older she gets, the more things like this are going to happen. She's going to have opinions, and expectations for you and Eddie. She's going to want space —she's going to need it, like she said. You don't mind giving her what she needs even if it is an adjustment, and even if she does aim her outbursts at you when she's overwhelmed. You do wish you could curl a strand of her hair around your finger, or stroke her cheek, but then she puts her hands on your shoulder. She's still blushing. 

"You're the best mommy ever," she says. 

"Did you tell her to say that?" you ask Eddie. 

"No way," Eddie says, dropping his head onto your other shoulder, his hair tickling your neck. "She just knows the truth, babe. I didn't have to tell her anything about it." 

[queenie-ofthe-void]

A Desperate Fool - Part 5

Part 4

Last Time: Nancy had an unexpected guest while filling Eddie in on everything he's missed over the past year. Now: Nancy finally tells him what's going on with Steve

~~~

Nancy starts the story at the beginning of the end. 

Robin, Max, and Lucas flew out to LA and spent the last three days of Eddie’s ten day bender loading up boxes, carving Steve out of his life. After severing her lease, Robin and Steve moved into a small apartment in Chicago, only a train ride away from Dustin– which worked out when Steve struggled to leave the house for the first two months. All of the arcade and game store money Steve spent on the kids over the years was paid back in full to help cover the rent.

Eddie remembers the moment he opened their front door to a hollowed-out home. No toothbrush by the sink. No gold, wire-framed glasses on the nightstand. Just Steve’s matching guitar pick necklace next to two silver house keys, and a note which said ”don’t call” in Robin’s looped handwriting.

The first few months after Steve moved out are just a whirlwind in his memory. Countless parties and late nights and warm beds buried his grief, keeping it at bay, at least for a while.

Then Corroded Coffin’s new album Love Me. Hate Me. Fuck Me. Free Me. dropped. Eddie's lyrics filled to the brim with seething disdain, heavy with angst. The album found its target audience faster than anyone had expected, launching Corroded Coffin from an opener to a headliner in only a few months. 

The collective internet started raiding his past like the trash heap it was, and that’s when the interviews started. He was forced to defend his sexuality, his adoption, his shitty parents. Answering questions at the whims of anyone with internet access. Eddie held the rage like a lifeline, letting it fuel his shows and lace his words. 

He'd started showing up high to interviews. Even though he’s six months sober now, he’s never gone back and watched them, too afraid of what he’d find. He knows questions about his exes came up a few times. He can't remember what his answers were. Probably doesn't want to, with how his younger fans reacted. 

That doesn’t stop Nancy and she doesn’t sugar coat it for him. She tells him paparazzi and angry fans camped outside Steve's apartment building for weeks after Eddie mentioned Steve's full name in a drunken livestream. They were served an eviction notice a week after a fan threw a milkshake at Robin as she tried to open the front door. Steve was able to pull her inside, but his appearance only incensed the crowd into vandalizing their building. Apparently people didn’t take kindly to the idea of Steve dating a woman, proof that he only used Eddie as some sort of queer experiment. Like they hadn’t been together for almost eight years. 

Moving out required coordination and a decoy moving van, like something out of a goddamn heist movie. According to Nancy, that’s exactly what it was. They packed up their things for the second time, and were out within twenty-four hours. The kids snuck the two through the back in the dead of night, with Nancy dressed as Robin and Jonathan as Steve leaving out the front to distract the crowd. 

Looking back, he can’t believe how naive he’d been to think there’d be no real-world consequences. Eddie used the album as an opportunity to purge himself of overwhelming emotion and pour them into the music, like he always did. He indulged in the recurring fantasy of Steve holed up in his bedroom, brooding and crying while listening to Eddie’s songs over and over again. But he never thought for a second he’d be putting Steve in actual danger, let alone Robin or anyone else.

Nancy says that’s when they moved into her and Jonathan’s guest bedroom for two months. It was awkward at best, and difficult at worst. Steve would walk in on Nancy and Jonathan in the middle of a conversation about Eddie, or catch them watching interview clips. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, Steve seemed to see right through her. 

“Eddie,” Nancy sighs, wiping a stray tear from her eye, “I don’t think you understand how hard it was on everyone, not just Steve. You didn’t seem to care what we had to say, and when you called, you’d never ask about us. You only ever talked about yourself. All we heard about was Metal Munson, then had to watch Steve struggle with it all. It just– we didn’t know what to do.”

It took him longer than it should have to notice, since he didn’t call often. He was too relieved to care about the lack of messages or missed calls, sick of everyone constantly begging him to slow down. They’d see him online at some party or another, dancing next to some boy he’d never remember or drinking bottles on top of bars. Every new viral video brought a wave of concerned phone calls from Nancy and his friends. So really, it’s no surprise at all that he didn’t notice the change right away.

Because if Nancy’s timing is right, the month Steve and Robin moved in was when his family started blocking all contact with him.

~~~

ao3 (Homesick)

Alright turns out I'm terrible with exposition so this chapter is taking me FOREVER! I'm relatively happy with this part though so I'm ready to share. So I'm breaking it into bite sized pieces

Ooooo ALSO I started uploading all of A Desperate Fool to ao3 under the series Homesick. I'm going for full chapter updates on ao3 and little snippet updates here, so Tumblr might be just slightly ahead (never far though). Not sure what the rules are for marking the fic Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson when they never interact, and Steve isn't even there, even though that's what the whole fic is about. Idk I tried to make it clear!

I've talked about how the first chapter with Robin was supposed to be a one-off. But the overall concept was born from the song If It Means A Lot To You by A Day To Remember. That song is gut wrenching, so hopefully my fic is too!

Part 6

Tag List!!!

@sadisticaltarts @5ammi90 @blacklegsanji21

[corroded-hellfire]

Eddie with shy(or autistic doesn't matter)!reader where when they're overwhelmed/don't want to speak they use sign language

This was such a sweet request. I didn’t specify if reader is autistic, shy, has anxiety, or other so that you can fill in those blanks any way you’d like. I hope you enjoy 🧡

Words: 600

Most people don’t understand how it feels when you get overwhelmed. It’s something that happens to everyone, but you react to it in a way that is foreign to a lot of people. Words become hard, speaking seems difficult. When you first met Eddie, it didn’t take him long to catch onto this. For many people, sitting in silence can be awkward. With Eddie, it always felt companionable. Comfortable. It was one of the reasons you started to fall for him. He never made you feel weird or different just for not wanting or being able to talk at times. Oftentimes, Eddie knew when you were feeling anxious or overwhelmed even before you stopped speaking. The first time he communicated with you in sign language, your jaw dropped.

You know how to sign? you’d signed.

Eddie gave you a small smile and had to think for a moment before giving you his response. I’m learning.

Why?

For you.

Tears flooded your eyes and Eddie was immediately concerned. His eyes widened and he stepped towards you, but you just shook your head at him.

It’s just so nice. You’re so sweet.

Eddie practiced his signing for weeks, wanting to perfect one question in particular before asking it. He was aware that he could always ask the question verbally, but he thought the question might overwhelm you and you would move to signing anyway. So, why not just ask the question that way?

The two of you are sitting on the empty bleachers out by the football field when you notice him fidgeting more than usual. As well as Eddie had learned to read you, you’d learned him just as well. 

“Are you okay?” you ask.

“Oh, um, yeah,” Eddie answers, giving you a shaky smile. You weren’t buying it, but you weren’t going to push him either. He waves at you, catching your attention as you look back to your book. 

I have a question for you, he signs.

Eddie usually only initiated the signing if he knew you were getting overwhelmed, but you’re clearly fine right now. It confuses you, but you go with it.

What?

You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen Eddie this nervous before. Nerves weren’t really his thing. This is the man who could make a stage out of a table any day or give an impromptu speech in class when he forgot he was supposed to prepare one the night before. 

His fingers twitch before he begins to sign his question. Will you go out on a date with me?

The question takes you completely by surprise. You’d dreamed that Eddie would ask you out, but never once thought it would actually happen. He’s so loud and outgoing, you just assumed he wouldn’t be interested in someone as quiet and reserved as you. Suddenly, it occurs to you that Eddie may not understand what he just asked. He’s fairly new to signing and mistakes are common.

You want to go out with me? On a date?

Yes.

Your heart begins to thud against your ribs and a shy smile curls on your lips.

I would love that.

Now it’s Eddie’s turn to look surprised. Really?

Yes!

Eddie slides himself closer to you on the bench and holds his hand out. Slowly, you reach up and place your hand in his. He wraps his fingers around yours and gives your hand a squeeze.

“Dinner and the bookstore?” Eddie asks, breaking the silence.

“I can’t think of anything better,” you answer.

[brbsoulnomming]

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Part 16

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | AO3

-----

Eddie wakes up screaming.

He doesn't even remember the nightmare he must have had, just the overwhelming feeling of terror mixed all in with aching grief. He closes his eyes and he can taste lake water, hear the echo of Patrick McKinney's screams and the crunch of breaking bones like they're right there in the room with him. He opens his eyes and he sees Chrissy smiling at him, sitting at that picnic table looking so scared that he couldn't do anything other than try to make her laugh, try to make her feel a little less alone. He told her that he'd help her and then he left her, and she died just as scared and alone as she thought she'd been when she came to him for help, all by herself in a stranger's living room, with only a boy who'd rather run and hide than stay by her side.

Part of him is aware that his breath is coming in huge, hiccuping sobs, can feel the pain from the way it aggravates his injuries, knows he must be crying because his pillows are wet, but he can't break himself out of it, can't - he breathes, deep and gasping, picks up the smell of Steve's shampoo. Remembers how Steve had helped him breathe last night and tries to replicate it in his head.

It doesn't work nearly as well.

Steve finds him like that, huddled in bed and folded in on himself as much as he can manage, head between his knees as he trembles and pants. At least he isn't fucking crying anymore, but he still hadn't heard any sign that Steve'd gotten back, and when he finally does manage to look up at him, the concern in Steve's eyes tells him he'd probably said his name more than once.

Eddie doesn't mean to, but he flinches when Steve reaches out, and then he has to bite off a noise of protest when Steve steps back.

Steve stays frozen where he is, his expression unreadable. "What is it?"

Eddie laughs at him. It comes out sharp and hysterical and fuck, he knows it's only because it's either laugh or break into sobs again. Jesus Christ, what isn't it? There's a creeping, poisonous feeling roiling low in his gut that he can't quite name, that he's too afraid to look closely at, like fucking everything he does these days, apparently.

"Did something new happen?" Steve asks, apparently changing tactics.

It works well enough for Eddie to shake his head, though that doesn't make him feel any better.

"Okay," Steve says, letting out a rush of air, and Eddie only realizes that Steve'd been holding so much tension when he watches most of it drain out of him.

Then Steve sits on the edge of the bed, seemingly more steady now that he knows some new kind of horror hadn't gotten to Eddie while he was gone - that Eddie's only freaking out again over the old horrors, the ones that are yesterday's news now that they're a few days old, and fuck, how does he live like this?

How is Steve so calm? How has he been so calm, how did he watch someone get lifted up into the air and almost die, how did he get nearly drowned and bitten to hell and march barefoot through hell and go back into hell and drag Eddie out of it and stay so fucking calm and collected and confident? The whole damn time, Eddie never once saw him break, not even when Eddie had a broken bottle against his neck and was questioning his own sanity enough that he might have actually used it, not even when it was all over and they were in the hospital.

Shit, Eddie knows what's flooding through his veins. Steve's steady hands and soothing voice might have been a comfort every time before, but now it just makes him furious - makes him wonder what the fuck is wrong with Eddie that he's reacting like this when Steve fucking Harrington has been as strong and sure as any hero Eddie's ever read about.

"How can you just be like this?" Eddie asks, and he can hear the despair in his own voice.

He guesses Steve can, too, because he opens his mouth, and Eddie snaps.

"Don't," he says. "Shut up, okay, just don't, don't say anything, don't answer me when I'm not done."

Steve's jaw shuts with a click, and Eddie almost wants to look away from him, but fuck he's all fired up now, and he feels like if he doesn't get this out he's going to explode.

"I knew who I was before this," Eddie says angrily. "I'm the freak, okay, I'm loud and obnoxious and I'm scary and I could always back it up if someone tried to mess with me or my flock. Then this happens, this shit that should be right up my alley, and I fucking run! And don't tell me how you ran too, all right, because you ran for about fifteen seconds before you turned right back around to save your girl and the guy who punched you in the face, and I ran and hid for days like a rat. And I ran again and again, and the one time I didn't run I almost died, and now I realize that all those other times I thought I had it in me to do what it takes were a giant, steaming pile of crap. How do you just - how am I supposed to come back from that, man? How am I supposed to just keep going on?"

There's a long, long silence, and then Steve raises a pointed eyebrow at him.

"I'm done," Eddie says belatedly. "Yeah, I'm done, I'd like an answer to that."

God, he'd like a fucking answer to that.

"You aren't," Steve says quietly. "You aren't supposed to come back from that. I don't think any of us really have, not the same as we were before."

"Fuck," Eddie swears, mostly just to swear, because he knows Steve is right. It makes him deflate, the anger draining out of him and leaving a bone deep exhaustion. Still, he asks, "Can I get a different answer?"

Steve quirks a little smile. "All right, I got a couple of them. First - it was way longer than fifteen seconds. I'm pretty sure I stood there surrounded by Christmas lights shouting this is crazy for at least a solid thirty, and that was before the physical running."

Despite himself, Eddie barks out a little laugh, wincing as it pulls at his stitches. "Fuck you, dude, don't make me laugh."

The look he gets is entirely unapologetic. "Second - you're right. We can't really compare yours to mine. Eddie - my first brush with this was a demogorgon crawling out of the walls of the Byers house. Yeah, it was terrifying, and it haunted my dreams for a little bit, but it was still just one monster that I could whale on with my bat. You got hit with clock obsessed evil wizard who kills people with his mind right off the bat. That's like taking an all star little leaguer and dropping him right into the World Series, man, and you still held your own."

Eddie groans. "Again, with the sports metaphors?"

"Yup," Steve replies, shooting him another look. "Isn't it annoying when someone gives what's probably a really apt metaphor for the situation that people who aren't up to date on a specific terminology can barely understand?"

Eddie's brows narrow, but mostly to hide his snort of amusement. "I feel like I'm unfairly getting the brunt of a bunch of decisions made by a bunch of freshmen."

"Look, my point is that this is the kind of shit that no one expects to happen to them, ever. And you're not going to come back from that the same guy that you were before it. You're going to have to look at yourself in a different light, and there's going to be some things that you'll see that you won't like. But the great thing is - shit, man, you get to change them. You get to look at yourself and go no, I don't want that to be who I am, and I'm not going to let it. And yeah - the people that you couldn't save before you changed are going to haunt you. Maybe you'll always feel responsible. But the best thing is, you've got people on your side to remind you that you don't have to do any of it alone."

It's not a surprise that Steve sounds like he's talking from experience. It is a surprise that it makes Eddie feel… better. Makes him feel like he's not the only one who's freaking out about this, like someone else has not only gone through the same thing, but felt something similar.

"For the record," Steve says, very quietly, like he's not quite sure how to say this or where he's going with it. "It wasn't facing down the demobats that made you brave. It wasn't - redemption, or whatever, all right?"

Eddie feels caught out, like Steve's looked too closely at him and seen what he usually keeps all wrapped up and safe, like he knows the kind of stories that Eddie tells himself about the world, and the place he's thought he occupied in it this last week. "No? Then what was my redemption?"

"You didn't have one," Steve replies, and fuck, ouch. Steve must read something in his face, because he hurries to add, "You didn't need one. Every time you ran, you did exactly what you should have done, and when it came down to it you went with us to Mordor without hesitation. None of us ever thought you were a coward, man, you had nothing to prove to us."

"I did," is what comes out of his mouth, and he didn't realize until he said it that it's true, that he knows what he needs to tell Steve. "Look, I - I know in the grand scheme of all of this, high school doesn't really feel like it matters all that much anymore, but I was still a jerk. The way I treated Lucas wasn't all that different from what I've always said I was protecting those guys from, you know? Tearing him down, excluding him because he liked something we didn't think was cool. Took a murder rep and almost getting eaten to realize it, but, you know, I got there. I'm getting there."

Steve's looking at him like he's proud of him again, even after his little outburst, and it hits him even harder this time around. "You apologize to him?"

Eddie opens his mouth to say that he had, then closes it, frowning. "Uh. I mean, I told him I should have moved Hellfire and it wasn't okay the way I treated him? I'm not actually sure the sorry part made it out. But I will!"

Steve makes some kind of gesture that Eddie's going to interpret to mean there you go, but he doesn't say anything.

"Sorry," Eddie mutters, fingers twisting in the sheets. "For snapping at you."

Steve tips his head in acknowledgement. Doesn't say it's okay, doesn't say it isn't okay, just holds Eddie's gaze for a moment before he moves on.

Eddie is sharply, ridiculously grateful.

"I told the others they couldn't come over yet," Steve says. "They're probably going to invade tomorrow, though."

Eddie pulls in a breath and lets it out, slow and shaky, and very carefully unfolds himself more, stretching out his legs and letting his arms fall to his side. "Yeah. That's fine, I can get it together by tomorrow."

Steve's looking at him with these big, sad eyes, something like resignation in them.

"What?" Eddie asks.

"That's how I do it," Steve says. "When all this is going on - I just get it together, because I have to."

"What about when it's not going on?" He hadn't meant to ask that, he doesn't think, but it just slips out.

"Kind of feels like it's always going on," Steve says with a rueful little quirk to his smile, then shrugs. "I don't know, man, I'll get back to you when I've figured that out. But as far as I'm concerned, there's no wrong way to try to handle all this, all right?"

Eddie thinks about that for a moment. Then, "Who couldn't you save that you feel responsible for?"

He's not sure what possessed him to ask - maybe because he wants to give Steve the opportunity to be comforted over something the way Steve did for Eddie, maybe because he's too fucking curious for his own good, maybe because he selfishly wants to know how much from his own experience Steve was talking about. Still, he watches Steve closely, ready to back off if the question makes him shut down.

It doesn't. If anything, Steve looks like he was kind of expecting that.

"Barbara Holland."

Eddie frowns. "The girl that was killed by a chemical leak from Hawkins Lab? Nancy's friend?"

"Wasn't a chemical leak." Steve pushes his fingers through his hair. "It was a demogorgon, the very first one. Nancy and Tommy and Carol and Barb were all over at my house, and we were drinking and horsing around and shit. Barb cut her hand trying to shotgun a beer. Nance told her that she should head home, that Nancy was going to stay over. We all thought Barb left, but… she didn't. While we were all inside, the demogorgon grabbed her from my backyard, dragged her off to who knows where."

"Goddamn. That was, what, 1983?"

Steve hums an affirmative. "November 83, yeah."

All the way back then, and Eddie didn't have any idea this was going on. "How'd you know it was from your backyard?"

"Jonathan was out in the woods looking for Will, and he snapped some pictures of all of us. He caught Barb sitting alone at the pool, bleeding, with the demogorgon coming out of the woods behind her."

Eddie's brows slam down before he can help it. "Wait, that actually happened? I mean, everyone heard the rumor that Jonathan was a perv, lurking in people's yards and taking pictures through their windows, I just kind of figured it was exaggerated."

Steve gives a little laugh, short and humorless. "It was exaggerated. I don't think he did it again, but, yeah. Nicole caught him developing the pictures at the school. A couple of them were of Nancy getting undressed when she and I were in my bedroom. Nancy forgave him, though, said it ended up being a good thing considering what they found out because of it."

Eddie - doesn't really know what to think about that. "What about you?"

Steve wrinkles his nose. "I called him a perv and broke his camera."

Eddie's eyebrows shoot up. "You broke his camera?"

"I told you I really was a douchebag." Steve glances away from him, and Eddie can see the line of his jaw tighten a little. "I felt bad about it after everything, got him a new one."

"No, I meant - did you forgive him?"

Steve looks back at him, brows furrowed like he wasn't expecting that question.

Eddie's stomach clenches a little. "Steve," he says softly. "Has no one asked you that before?"

Steve's frowning still, and for a moment Eddie thinks he won't answer, then he says, "I haven't really talked about it with anyone who didn't already know about it. It's not - it's not like I have anything to forgive, you know? Nancy was the one undressing in the picture."

"Sure," Eddie agrees, biting his lip for a moment as he tries to decide if he wants to let this drop or to keep going. "But - it was your house, Steve. Your window, your bedroom. You were there, too."

Steve's quiet for a very long moment.

"It's not-" Eddie starts, then stops, considering. "You didn't ask to have someone take pictures of you like that. It doesn't make it okay just because you're both guys."

"No, that's not-" Steve stops, too, and Eddie wonders if as he said it, he realized that he was thinking something like that. "I guess I've just never really thought about it like that before. I was pissed because of Nancy, and when she let it go, I kind of figured I should, too."

"And now?" Eddie prompts.

Steve shrugs. "I still don't know. I'll talk to Robin about it, I guess." There's a pause, and then he freezes, seeming to realize what he just said. "Uh, not that-"

"Dude, it's fine," Eddie cuts him off with a laugh. "I'm not offended that you'd rather process that with someone you've known a little longer."

Steve shoots him a grateful little smile. "I'm going to go down and make dinner," he says. "You wanna come with?"

Eddie considers that for a moment. He's not sure he wants to be alone again, but - he's more sure he doesn't feel up for tackling the stairs, not even with Steve's help.

Especially with Steve's help. He needs a breather away from being pressed all close to him, particularly since he knows he's going to have to ask Steve to stay in the room with him again tonight.

He shakes his head. "I'm good up here. Just, uh. Leave the door open?"

Steve leaves the door open, and a couple of minutes after he goes downstairs, Eddie can hear music playing. Queen. It makes Eddie smile, makes him wonder if he'd normally put music on while he was cooking or if he'd done it specifically for Eddie. Either way, it makes something fond and warm settle in his chest.

Damn, Eddie's got it bad. He should be embarrassed, should be feeling too vulnerable and caught out after all of that, but he doesn't. He feels…

Safe. It's fucking with his head, so he tries not to focus on it too much.

Dinner is tomato soup and mac and cheese, split between them as they sit across from each other on the bed. Eddie eats half of each of his and then mixes them together, just to get Steve to make faces at him as he happily digs in.

"It's just like dunking grilled cheese into tomato soup, Steve!" he insists.

"Grilled cheese has a crunch that makes sense, that's just mush on top of mush," Steve replies, pointing his spoon at him as if for emphasis.

He can't get Steve to try it, but it doesn't really matter. After everything, it feels good just to mess around like this.

Steve clears their dishes away when they're done, then comes back and says, "All right, let's go."

Eddie raises an eyebrow. "We're going where, exactly?"

"My room," Steve replies. "If we're sticking together again tonight, my bed's a lot better and it has my bat within reach."

For a moment, Eddie considers teasing him about calling it sticking together instead of what it is, but decides against it. For one, the first thing that'd came to his mind is to say what, trying to avoid making it sound like you're inviting Eddie The Freak Munson into your bed? which sounds perfectly light and teasing in his head, but would probably come out a little too serious, and he doesn't actually want an answer to that. For another, well. It just reminds him that sticking together is what it is.

Despite how chill Steve'd been this morning with Mike's reaction, despite that Eddie still can't seem to completely smash his hopes down, he knows what this is. The only reason that Steve Harrington slept in the same bed with him last night is because they're both beat to hell and can't sleep without someone there who understands what they've been through, and the only reason Steve's inviting him into his bed now is to try to ward off nightmares, or at least make any that crop up a little easier to deal with.

He hasn't even gotten up the courage yet to tell Steve that he thinks they might be soulmates, he can't let himself get too lost in believing it might be romantic.

So he just says, "Lead the way to your chambers, then, your Majesty."

Steve rolls his eyes at him, helps him out of bed and stays by his side as they head down the hall. Eddie only needs to lean on him a little, which makes him feel pretty damn good, and he's even up for heading into Steve's bathroom to get ready for bed first. There's a brand new toothbrush there, still in its packaging, and Eddie assumes it's for him, so he adds brushing his teeth to the list of activities he can manage on his own now.

They swap when Eddie's done, and he climbs into Steve's bed without waiting for him - mostly because he doesn't want to overexert himself, and because he knows which side of the bed Steve prefers to sleep on now, which. Is definitely not helping his hopes stay shoved down where they should be.

Steve leaves the bathroom door open a crack, just enough that he can hear him bustling around in there, can hear him humming to himself. It's pretty - Eddie can't place whatever it is, but Steve sounds good.

He shuts off the overhead light when he comes out of the bathroom, but leaves a lamp on.

"Sounds nice." Eddie yawns. "Didn't know you could sing."

"Humming isn't singing," Steve counters, but he gives him a soft little smile as he climbs into his side of the bed.

"What song is it?" Eddie asks, and feels his heart kick up a little when Steve scrunches his nose.

"You're gonna make fun of me."

"I won't!" Eddie insists.

Steve scratches his nose. "It's a kid's song, I think it's based on a poem. I learned it from Robin, and I'd sing it sometimes when they couldn't sleep after Starcourt."

Eddie should probably let it go so they can both get some sleep, but he's so eager to learn more about this world that was going on right under his nose that he can't help but ask, "After Starcourt?"

Steve hums an affirmative. "Remember I said it wasn't my first time having someone stay over in the aftermath? We usually check on each other for a while. That first time, it was mostly me and Nance, and we'd check in on Jonathan sometimes. She made me talk to Mike a few times."

Oh, shit. Eddie practically vibrates with the urge to pounce on that with all the glee of a cat distracted by a laser pointer, but - no, no, he has to stay strong, he -

"How'd that work out for you?"

Damn it.

Steve snorts. "He was barely twelve, so not all that bad. It was when we all thought El was still gone, and he just - he really missed her, and Nancy didn't know how to talk to him. I told her to ask him how Will was doing. Mike's a little asshole, but he cares so much about his friends, you know? Asking about Will meant she wasn't asking him about his feelings, she was asking about his friend. She made me come with her, and it kind of worked. I dunno. We talked about what they might be feeling, what they used to do for fun, and how they should get back to it. Nancy reminded him how much they loved that game you guys are all obsessed with, so they started playing again."

Eddie looks up at him, remembering looking up at Steve Harrington in the comic and games shop, watching him try to figure out what to get Will Byers for a going away present, and thinking about what a jackass he was.

God, Eddie's never been more glad to have been so wrong.

Steve still takes the silence as a cue to keep going, though, and he runs his fingers through his hair. "The second time, Dustin just showed up at my house, and the rest of the little shitheads followed pretty quick. They had movie nights and invaded my pool and ate everything in my kitchen, and sometimes they'd sleep over. Dustin was here more often than he wasn't for a while."

Eddie tilts his head, glad to be back on more even ground. "What'd you guys even do?"

Steve shrugs one shoulder. "I dunno, stuff. I drove Dustin to his first school dance, helped him get ready, watched Star Wars, talked about girls and his science camp and my job searching. He was away at camp when I started working at Scoops, but I used the back entrance to get the rest of them into the movies. Lucas and I played ball, Max'd come over and we'd make dinner sometimes."

"You really are friends with them." It's soft and awed, but Eddie knows the moment it comes out that it doesn't sound like he meant it to. "I mean - being the babysitter and the paladin's one thing. It's obvious that you step up when shit's going down and they need you. But you're still there, even when the world's not ending."

Steve smiles at him, a little pleased, a little surprised. "I try, anyway. Hit or miss on it now that they're all in high school." Another shrug. "Anyway, it - after Starcourt, Robin and Dustin and Erica and I were in pretty close touch for a bit. Robin stayed over most nights, and Dustin when he could, and Erica'd say she was fine but she'd walkie us a lot, 'specially the first week or two. I got in the habit of singing it for them, and it seemed to work."

Eddie just watches him. He doesn't have nearly enough mental power to try to process the way Steve keeps getting to him, digging his way deeper and deeper under his skin - barely has enough to acknowledge the want that lingers on his tongue, sharp and bittersweet. They've built a family, this little rag-tag party, and Eddie wants to keep being folded into it so bad he can taste it - just as much as the very thought scares the shit out of him.

"Will you sing it for me?"

"You will a hundred percent make fun of me," Steve protests, but it isn't a no.

"I won't," Eddie promises softly.

Steve sighs, the same way Eddie's heard him do right before he gives into one of the others, and Eddie can't stop his wide smile.

"Close your eyes, at least," Steve insists, and Eddie obeys.

There's a few moments of silence, as if Steve is hyping himself up, and then his humming starts again.

"Lavender blue, dilly dilly, lavender green," Steve croons softly.

The absurdity of the situation hits him hard - he's in Steve Harrington's bed, while the man himself sings him a lullaby about lavender that includes the words dilly dilly. He manages not to let out a slightly hysterical giggle, but his face must do something, because Steve's singing cuts off.

"See?" Steve demands.

"I'm not!" Eddie protests. He lets his hand move, fingertips just barely pressing against Steve's arm. "I'm not, I promise. Please?"

There's a moment of silence, and Eddie struggles to keep his eyes closed and wait patiently, but then Steve starts humming again. It goes on a little longer this time, like he's either skipping past some things or making sure Eddie's face isn't going to do whatever it was doing before, but then he starts singing again.

"I told myself, dilly dilly, I told me so."

There's more lyrics, but Eddie stops paying attention to them, feeling himself relax more and more. It's not about the words, really, it's - it's about the melody, the repetitive flow. It's Steve's voice, lovely and soft, it's knowing someone's with you, someone who's been through the same things you have, someone who cares. After everything, knowing you're not alone.

"Let the birds sing, dilly dilly, and the lambs play," Steve sings, as Eddie's limbs grow heavy and sleep hovers so closely he could almost melt into it. "We shall be safe, dilly dilly, out of harm's way."

It's not about the words.

"Lavender's green, dilly dilly, lavender's blue. If you love me, dilly dilly, I will love you."

God, Eddie is so fucked.

The bit about Nancy making Steve talk to Mike after season one is from one of the Stranger Things free comic book day issues, because I saw it and immediately loved its dorkiness. The song/nursery rhyme Steve is referencing is this, for anyone curious!

-----

Part 17

I've got the next two parts mostly written up, and we'll be diving into the start of the soulmate reveals.

Tag list (always happy to add more, even if I'm still figuring these out!): @vampireinthesun @koibug @estrellami-1 @mentalcyborg @allbimyself26 @questionablequeeries @the-s-is-silent @whimsicalwitchm @a-gae-af-racoon @tinyplanet95 @n0-1-important @velocitytimes2 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @newtstabber @jcmadgirl @roblingoblin285 @lexyvey @paperbackribs @goodolefashionedloverboi @evix-syne666 @raisedbylibrarians @stxrcrossed186 @nightmareglitter @greekgeek24 @starman-jpg @crazyhatlady86 @imfinereallyy @manda-panda-monium @deleataecount @prideandsensibility @chaoticvictorianspirit @maydillydally @disrespectedgoatman @scarlet-malfoy @i-less-than-three-you @hbyrde36 @hallucinatedjosten @dragonsandgayships @arepaconchocolate @g4ys0n @novelnovella @bisexualdisastersworld @ghostofyourvampiregf @scarletyeager @pettrichore @nerd-and-nervous @hiimlevi @queenie-ofthe-void @cinnamon-mushroomabomination

[shichey97]

Meet Me At Our Spot

Older!Steddie, Mentions of homophobia, mental abuse, and arranged marriage. Death of Uncle Wayne.

Eddie hadn't seen Steve since the younger man turned 21. That was 20 years ago and he hadn't looked back after the guy called him in tears saying they couldn't see each other anymore. Eddie had been hurt and had reacted to the news the only way he new how to. He ran away from Hawkins and Steve. Now he's back in Hawkins for his uncle's funeral and he finds the kids still there and Dustin hands him a polaroid that says "meet me at our spot" on it. That's how he ends up sitting in the bed of his uncle wayne's truck with none other than the man who broke his heart. Neither had said anything for a little bit, but Eddie sighs, "What do you want, Steve? Last I heard you were married with a daughter."

"I was married and I do have a daughter." he confirms, "My father forced me to marry Ashley. He was told about us by a friend who saw us together and he flew home." he looks down at his hands. "He made me break up with you...I didn't want to, but I do want to explain to you why I left. Why I broke your heart."

"Forced you? How'd he force you to do anything when I told you we could leave." Eddie asks pulling off his tie and setting it beside him.He was exhausted and just wanted peace and quiet. He doesn't even know why he showed up here in the first place. He chose to ignore the voice that said it's cause he missed Steve.

"He would hit me when he thought I was doing something to disgrace the Harrington name. Which was most of the time. He found out about us and he hit and hit and hit and it didn't stop until I agreed to break up with you. Eddie...I never wanted to leave you. I love you why would I leave unless I had to?" he asks looking at him. "We could've ran away. I told you I wanted out of here. I would've had no problem leaving here." He mutters and watches the ground. He could feel Steve staring at him. Drinking in the 43 years he had on him. The slightly greying hair at his temples, the still messy curls that were down past his shoulders now. He had a gene in his family that made them go grey prematurely so that's what he was dealing with.

"He threatened to hurt you guys too, Eddie." Steve says shaking his head, "I wouldn't do that to you and Wayne...I tried to find you, but Wayne said he didn't know where you were so I dropped it." he says softly.

"I could've taken care of myself, Steve." He sighs. "I appreciate you explaining yourself to me. I...hope you're happy in life, Stevie." He says softly as he looks at his shoes and sighs. He feels an overwhelming sense of loss. More than he should for an uncle. Maybe he should've called more of came home to visit. He felt guilty that he hadn't seen Wayne as much as he should have and now this, knowing why Steve broke up with him, made it worse.

"I am. Alexis is going to college soon, I'm by myself again, life is...good." he says softly though his tone said he wanted to say something else, but chose not to.

"Sounds...empty now." Eddie says still looking down at the ground. He couldn't bring himself to look at Steve right then. He just couldn't look at him because if he did he'd lose the tight grip on the ache in his chest.

"Yeah...It's been empty for 20 years though." he says softly looking up at the sky, "I'm really sorry about Wayne." "It's not your fault. He lived a good life..he was happy." he says as leans back on his hand to pull a cigarette out of the pocket of the suit he wore. Something he only wore on sad occasions. He wouldn't wear a suit to happy occasions because of it.

"I know. He was there for Alexis and me after Ashley took off." he says softly and sighed. "Eddie I..." he starts before he sighs. "I want another chance to love you. If you can't I understand, but please give me one chance." he says looking at him again. Eddie bristled under the weight of his eyes and hangs his head, "Steve...I'm only here for week." he says quietly.

"Let me take you out for dinner in that weer. Just once and if there's no spark then I'll let you go again." He says looking at him. Eddie finally looks at him and searches his face before he nods, "ok. One date." he agrees and has to fight back a smile when Steve smiles really wide and hugs him. He gets a one armed hug back before Eddie is pulling away. He wants to say he knows the spark is gone, but the hug felt like coming home so there's no way it was.

Both men were hopeful for their future

[hollersparrow]

just some 9-1-1 headcanons/plot bunnies

so i've kinda gone on a 9-1-1 deep dive that started out casual and rapidly turned into an obsession. a few things to note, i definitely think that buck and eddie have something (whether it's romantic or queerplatonic is up for grabs but there's something beyond friendship there and no one can convince me otherwise) and i am a strong subscriber to any tropes that strongly encourage found family/families so...make of that what you will

anyway, after binging all of the available episodes, i have several headcanons that i want to put out there (for some reason a lot of them are from season 5???)

ana realizing that there's more to eddie and buck's relationship than it seems in that scene from s5e2 when she brings christopher to the station. buck clocks that eddie has started panicking immediately and ana just like. *looks* at him for a few seconds in a way that just makes me think that this woman clocked that they have a deeper than normal connection to one another. that or she's heard about buck but obviously has never seen eddie and buck interact and is suddenly realizing exactly what people keep trying to tell her about

a buck/eddie-focused exploration of the aftermath of 'brawl in cell block 9-1-1'. buck freaking out once mitchell's been carted off to get his heart taken out and refusing to let eddie go anywhere while checking him for injuries, eddie having some uncomfortable realizations about just how affected buck was by the whole experience. personally, i feel that would lead to them actually talking about the sniper and all the mess that goes with it

lots of potential for temporary angst with eddie having a lot of big feelings about having failed as a husband in his marriage to shannon and not wanting to get married again b/c of it (thinks he doesn't deserve another shot at it? thinks there's something fundamentally wrong with him to where he can't? don't know how this would manifest exactly). personally, i see this eventually leading to him and buck realizing that they're more or less functionally married and they may as well reap some tax benefits from it but you can do whatever you want with that

buck goes to the funerals of many of the people who die on calls that he's a part of. it's mostly people that he directly worked on and he doesn't tend to tell anyone that he's a first responder that was involved (b/c of how devon's sister reacted in s1) but he does go to them.

kinda of tied to the headcanon above this but! buck getting adopted by a bunch of older queer folk following the deaths of mitchell and thomas in s2. he goes to the joint funeral that was planned for the two of them, in part b/c he wants/needs to and in part bc he accidentally took a few photos from the scrapbook from the scene (he shoved them in his pocket on instinct when thomas collapses). anyway, he shows up and the older queer community has rallied to show up at the funeral and they recognize him as someone who needs more found family and just adopt him into their ranks. i could see the 118 finding out about this soon after it happens or not until years later; maybe karen and hen finding out sooner than everyone else but buck asks them to keep it quiet?

s5e14 where jee-yun gets sick? what if it actually WAS leukemia and she somehow ends up needing some sort of donation (plasma? bone marrow? idk really anything about how cancer is treated). jee's put on a list and they start testing family members, none of whom work out until...buck. cue maddie not wanting to ask that of buck b/c of all the baggage that comes with daniel and the buckley parents are absolute assholes about it (along the lines of completely disregarding buck's autonomy as a human being in the face of their precious granddaughter being in trouble), maybe a chimney that isn't trying to be pushy about it but also just...can't help pushing a bit, a buck that so overwhelmed with everything that he's feeling that he goes off the rails a bit. obviously everything works out and buck donates or whatever needs to happen and jee-yun is completely fine b/c i don't actually want it to end badly

the entire 'buck's a sperm donor' family argument and maraget saying "you're a miracle baby yourself" made my fucking blood boil and i want to see a better exploration of the fallout of that statement b/c you just know that there was more to it than it just getting brushed off

buck telling maddie that he has a checklist that he goes through every time he wakes up post-coma in s6e12. chris and eddie being part of that list, where buck is just constantly checking up on them to make sure that they're still in LA (part of the reason why it's so easy for him to fall asleep/relax on the diaz couch or in their house in general). eddie doesn't notice the uptick in check-ins b/c he's too busy figuring out the least intrusive ways for him to check in on buck at all times b/c he NEEDS to know that buck is alive/breathing. once eddie notices though, he confronts buck about it

maddie asking buck to be her maid of honor for her wedding since hen is obviously going to have best man privileges. mostly just exploring the ridiculous that this brings up and everyone joking about buck in a dress (up to you whether he actually wears one to the wedding or not), but i have to include a side note that the buckley parents are dicks about it and have no sense of humour/fun

literally anything featuring athena being worried about buck as a maternal figure, i was so disappointed by her lack of interaction when buck was struck by lightning and, while i'm so fucking happy to have may acknowledging that buck is bobby's son too, we missed out on athena being devastated by the situation as well

there will probably be more of these to come at some point knowing myself.

[chaosandwolves]

since I was granted a freebie would you mind telling me about Wait for me to come home? 👀✨

Hehe

Yes this is a cuuuute one if I may say so

I was thinking... what if something happens to Connor and his wife and Buck ends up actually being the father of his son?

And as tragic as it is, and as scary as it is, it makes him happy.

But it's also overwhelming af but the 118 got his back.

Eddie got his back.

Buck moves in with the Diaz boys so Carla can look after both Chris and the baby when the boys are working.

And they so naturally transition into being a proper family together that weeks later, it takes Eddie a whole five minutes after leaving the house to realize that he just kissed Buck good-bye... On his lips…

A lil snippet of what follows

If he sits in his car for 10 minutes outside his house the next morning before he gathers the courage to finally go inside, no one has to know.

And no one has to know how he can feel his heart beating in his throat and how his hands are clammy and how he feels like an awkward teenager as he walks through the front door.

He takes deep breath and ignores the slight instability around the edges of his voice when he calls out, "I'm home!"

For a second he thinks he might be in luck and Buck is out running some errands.

But then he appears in the door frame of his bedroom with his son resting content in his arms against his chest and Eddie's heart skips a beat.

Eddie doesn't know what to do and remains frozen in the hallway, his head simultaneously way too frantic and way too quiet to be able to come up with anything coherent.

Buck, however, doesn't leave him hanging for long.

He moves out into the hallway, takes two steps before coming to a halt right in front of Eddie. His voice is so rich and smooth when he greets him with a soft "Hey," that it sends a warm shiver down Eddie's back.

But instead of reacting to this greeting like a sane adult, Eddie, for some inexplicable reason, raises his hand and waves.

It's not even a proper gesture, just some awkward little movement of his hand as he replies, "Hi."

For a second he's convinced that Buck can hear how violently his heart is hammering against his chest and that he'll call him out on it.

Buck, however, grins one of these grins that spread over his entire face and that lights his eyes up so that they take on the color of a sunny summer sky.

And Eddie gets so lost in it that his brain forgets to process what happens next.

Buck leans in, the grin on his plush rosy lips growing even wider and suddenly these exact same lips are pressed against Eddie's.

He can feel how Buck breaks into a full on smile under the soft touch of their lips before he pulls back and Eddie can see Buck's eyes glinting with a mix of mischief and joy.

"Welcome home."

Eddie blinks and before he can gather his thoughts which had evaporated the second he felt Buck's lips brush against his own, Buck turns on his heels, walks into the kitchen and nonchalantly announces, "I made pancakes, abuela's recipe," as if he didn't just rattle Eddie's entire world and moved it off its hinges.

Eddie blinks again, his fingers rising up to touch the spot where he can still feel the kiss lingering on his lips. And for a moment he just stands there in utter disbelief and pure awe.

Eventually, Buck's voice brings him back into his body when it sounds from the kitchen over the familiar rattling of the espresso machine that Buck insisted on buying, "Cofffee?"

Half laughing, Eddie breathes out and briefly shakes his head to reactivate any functioning brain cells which he's not sure exist anymore in the first place.

But then he at least finds his voice again. "Yeah, yeah."

A soft smile remains on his lips as he follows Buck into the kitchen.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Know what time it is? That's right! Time for my daily post about Eddie's panic attacks!! (Those scenes haunt me, blogging is free therapy, deal with it or don't!)

Ahem. The more I think about Eddie's panic attacks the more I think they're triggered by his feelings for Buck, and not just the one-sided relationship with Ana.

Like the scene at the fire station. The way Eddie's focus drifts to Buck again and again. Eddie is realizing that he's got a Buck-induced daydreaming & staring problem right when Ravi assumes that Eddie is married to Ana... And then Eddie looks at Buck who is grinning at the the assumption, like the idea of Eddie marrying Ana doesn't bother Buck at all.

Can you imagine how hopelessly one-sided Eddie must think his feelings are?!!! That would certainly trigger panic, to be facing those feelings AND the reality of how much his relationship with Ana is a failure.

Then Eddie runs away... and then same person who was triggering the panic wants to know what triggered the panic! What can Eddie say? It certainly wouldn't be easy to just honestly explain what just happened. "Oh yeah I just realised I have feelings for you and it's totally hopeless." So Eddie avoids that by lying/telling a half-truth - that the trigger was Ana.

The way he kinda pauses after he says that "if I'm being honest with myself..."? The pause could be hesitation to open up, but it feels to me like he's just pausing to come up with an alternative explanation, or a half-truth, because it's not like he would want to tell Buck that hey, I just realised I have a staring problem when it comes to you and to realise that while you were standing there, seeing me with my girlfriend, or maybe future wife, not showing a hint of jealousy... Yeah that's what made me spiral!

Anyway, the great thing about being honest with oneself is that it can be done without saying a word.

It's when you're honest with others, that's when you need to say things out loud. So Eddie can totally be honest with himself and right after that... lie to Buck about what caused the panic.

Buck: Okay... what triggered it? I mean you did just get shot and almost killed by a sniper, I guess that could be considered anxiety-inducing...

Eddie: That wasn't it! Okay I.. If I'm being honest with myself... uh..

(Let's have a flashback, and this isn't even where it starts btw, first Eddie and Buck hug Chris pretty much in an identical fashion, it's the aerial dad hug, Eddie stares at Buck talking with Chris, talking with Ravi, spaces out wearing a giddy grin... Anyway!)

Christopher: Not yet! 😉,

Eddie and Ana reacting to the idea of marriage (and Chris expecting them to marry) like their very souls are instantly withering:

Buck and Ravi reacting to "Not YET (his wife)!":

Eddie turns a bit towards Ana when she says that.

Shuts his eyes and opens them like he's trying to reboot his brain.

Eddie: You've never been here!

Ana: (wtf?) ... No, I haven't.

Eddie tells Ravi to give Ana a tour, really tries to avoid looking at Buck again,

FAILS,

freaks out and escapes...

- end of rewind -

Eddie about the cause of panic:

"If I'm being honest with myself... *pause*

I think it was Ana."

Buck: Uh.. I thought things were great with her.

(And then let's remember that right after the shooting Buck and Carla were actually the ones taking care of Christopher!! We see Chris with Buck anxiously waiting for news about Eddie's surgery, Buck breaking down in front of Chris...

We see Carla and Chris video-call Eddie:

Chris: Dad. I miss you.

Eddie: I miss you too. I'm gonna see you real soon. I'll be home before you know it.

Carla: Let yourself heal first, PLEASE! You don't have anything to worry about, Buck and I have it under control.

They end the call, Buck is by Eddie's bedside.

Eddie: I appreciate you staying with him.

Buck: Carla offered to bring him to her house but I figured this was overwhelming enough without having to sleep in a strange bed.

Eddie: He doing okay?

Buck: Better than me. I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot. I'm sorry, I should have held it together.

Eddie: You were there for him when I couldn't be. That's that matters.

Buck: Still. I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.

Eddie: 😨

...

Of course soon after that Eddie reveals Buck that Buck is Christopher's legal guardian in Eddie's will!

....

So it's quite obvious that it was mostly Carla and BUCK, not Ana, who were parenting Christopher after the shooting. Buck is even legally Christopher's guardian in Eddie's will.

So when Eddie starts talking about the way that being a ready-made family with Ana is what was making him panic, it really sounds like a half-truth. Like he's just switching the pronoun to she and actually talking about Buck.

Eddie: She's been a godsend through all of this. Staying with Christopher... I think that's what's causing the panic. Somehow we became a readymade family and I... I don't know if I'm ready for that.

He's literally looking at Buck as he says "Somehow we became a ready-made family and I don't know if I'm ready for that.

And how could Eddie be ready for that? He's somehow ended up in a situation where he's got a girlfriend he doesn't love and is acting like a family with her...

AND ALSO pretty much parenting his son with Buck, like they're a family, like they're partners...

Even when Eddie goes on dates with Ana he's coming home to Chris and Buck.

But Buck doesn't know how Eddie feels about him and does not appear to return his feelings. To realise all that would certainly make Eddie freak out, no wonder he says that he doesn't know if he's ready for that.

Buck's pained/conflicted expression after Eddie talks about a ready-made family says a lot.

Also there's the way that Eddie is trying to decide if he should break up with Ana, and Buck tries to get him to understand that the the relationship is hurting Ana.

"Eddie, I have been Ana. I know what it's like to be in love with someone who's not all the way in. Deep down you know it, and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth. So if you don't want to hurt Ana you owe it to her to be honest."

And it's really a messy situation Eddie finds himself in, right?! Ana is in love with someone who's not all the way in. Eddie's in love with someone who's not all the way in... and that person is actually even giving him relationship advice!

Eddie getting anxious again: It just feels like a lot, man. *lies down*

Buck retorts, almost disgusted,

"Well, go to sleep! No need to decide right now, it's not like we're going home anytime soon." *leaves*

And there's Eddie, trying to decide between his two almost-perfect - yet painful - ready-made families. Even as he's deciding Buck's last words must keep ringing in his ears.

"...It's not like we're going home anytime soon."

Which is painfully true because even without Ana in the picture the ready-made family he has with Buck and Chris is kinda an illusion which shatters if you try to touch it. Buck is parenting Chris, he is their family... But Eddie's not dating Buck. Buck doesn't know how Eddie feels, and does not appear interested. Buck only visits but never stays for long. Buck has his own life, his own home.

[flowercrowngods]

dio. apologies for my simple comment on i’ll try. that chapter absolutely took my breath away, and my words failed me in that moment. there’s a bit of magic there (your sorcery as i’ve called it) that just sucks me in, literally to the point where i’m reading with bated breath. the way you describe steve’s thoughts, his reactions to hopper, his dissociation, and his overwhelming need to run, to punch something, to feel. it’s insanely good. and it makes me feel so much. his heartache and anger are fucking palpable. this story from steve’s perspective—a story that has already happened, that’s already been told—you’ve made it completely yours, completely steve’s, but you’ve also carved it around us, your audience, so carefully that we are viscerally and literally wrapped up in it. you said it wasn’t a “plotty chapter”, and it wasn’t. but it was so incredible and—in my opinion—so necessary. and the end with eddie… it was perfect and painful and so beautiful.

thank you so much for sharing your words with us. you are incredible. ✨🩷

first of all, your comment kinda cracked me up, because

dio, can I hold you?

is both a relatable comment to write and also just really on point for this very chapter, so don't you worry about that!

i love that you were reading with bated breath in accordance with steve who can't really breathe anymore (which is a theme and a motif with my writing i know but the first thing i realise about a budding panic is my breath feeling weird so i'm working with that, plus i like the symbolism it creates idk).

and i also need to run or punch or scream or to feel something at all times. it's ingrained in my very personality, this ache to break the pattern (which is what drives steve, too, because the pattern is only disassociating him further), and this anger that i even have to. i feel like that kind of anger is the only thing that makes sense what with how overwhelming everything is and with how he can't even begin to process it really. he tried with his book, but that takes so much energy and a clear thought and he has neither. so it's all building up, that old hopelessness paired with a new one, built on grief and confusion and anger and so, so, so much pain. anger at the world at large is the only logical conclusion -- and so is it being directed at hopper.

i love the way that people reacted to it, i was kinda afraid i'd have to kinda justify or explain this change in events and this slight overreaction on steve's part, this tunnel vision of anger he has that leads him to being so incredibly convinced hopper wants him out of the house when really the man is just absolutely overwhelmed and at a loss and has no reason yet to be emotionally invested the way he was. and steve being angry at that, too, obviously. feeling desperate at how he's realising he doesn't know how to get hopper there, because he grew better with el, but that won't happen like this now, so once more everything is a reminder of what he's lost. and everything else is just a reminder of how he doesn't belong here. the cabin, the room, the darkness of the curtains being drawn all the time

(yes yes the light-darkness symbolism in that fic is immense and i wonder if people have caught up. like how when hopper first arrived steve noticed the flashes of light in the darkness before being taken care of rather immediately and feeling a tiny sense of hope with it. and now there's only darkness and no daylight and steve is going insane. yes these things are on purpose. watch the light you guys)

you’ve made it completely yours, completely steve’s, but you’ve also carved it around us, your audience, so carefully that we are viscerally and literally wrapped up in it

i'm gonna die thinking about this by the way 🥹

and yeah, i'm glad you thought it was necessary -- i thought so, too, but i also worried that it would come across wrong. but the opposite came true: a few people have told me in the comments that essentially this chapter kinda cemented the time travel aspect of it, and the sheer weight that comes with it. and that was an empty space i wanted to fill, the "life after trauma" if you will. the aspects that the show waves away sometimes for plot narrative reasons, but this fic isn't about the plot. this fic is about grief and about trauma and about anger and about being so lost in the world you can't even find yourself anymore. having two factual versions of yourself and neither one fits anymore.

i can't tell a story about "going back in time to save everyone you love" without making it a most tragic story about losing yourself and the price you pay for another chance at life. about abandonment and trauma-based negative character growth. about uncertainty and, ultimately, loss either way.

it's a fucked up concept by a fucked up person. it means so much that people give it a chance 🤍

thank you so much for sending this ask and allowing me to ramble some more about it, i never get tired of rambling, i could ramble about each line probably. hugging you 🤍

[parkermunson]

Eddie the Undead Part 2

Summary: Eddie's just come back from the dead.. changed. A part of you fears what he's turned into but he's still your Eddie. Right? [1.7k]

T/W: Mentions of blood, blood drinking, wounds, i think that's it?

A/N: I'm a sucker (pun intended) for soft, little moomoo Eddie. And vamp!Eddie who's scared of what happened to him is my ultimate weakness. Also this, yet again, didn't go the way I intended. So maybe a part 3 is in order? Let me know.

Part 1

It took what felt like hours to pry Eddie from the mental state of panic he was in. A majority of it was convincing him to loosen his grip on you, as he was stronger than you remembered. You could feel the bruises forming around your waist from where he clung.

He held his ear to your stomach and listened to your heartbeat, letting it calm him. With every thump, he felt more himself. He didn't yet realize his own heart still lacked movement, the blood in his veins at a standstill under the cold layer of skin. You placed your hands on his shoulders and upper back, the warmth soothed him drastically as it seeped into his muscles. It was as though he caught a chill he couldn't shake.

"Eddie... can you walk?" You pet his hair, holding him close, afraid he would leave you again. Afraid he would go back into a panic and run from you. Afraid he would die again. Instead he hesitantly nodded against your belly, his arms squeezing you once as a signal. You lifted him up as best you could, Steve running over to take his other side. Eddie winced between you, noting his sides hurt but not looking down to find the reason. With Steve's help, and some effort from Eddie, you got him into his trailer (or the version that exists in the Upside Down). You placed him gently on the couch while the group discussed how to move him through the gate. Walking the short distance proved difficult. Pulling him through a hole in the ceiling where gravity doesn't logically work would be impossible.

The group decided to send Nancy to the other side to grab some things– bandages, food, water, and perhaps more sheets for another rope. Robin and Steve let her climb on their shoulders, raising her through the gate with great effort, despite her tiny frame. In the meantime, you sat with Eddie on the couch. His body slack against the cushions, his head lying against the back of the couch. He kept his eyes closed, his brows furrowing anytime someone spoke. "Baby, don't fall asleep. Just in case," you whispered to him.

"M'not sleepy. It hurts." His head was pounding, like a jackhammer had gone to work on the side of his brain for the last hour. Everything hit him harder– louder sounds, brighter lights, stronger smells. Your scent always brought him peace, and he held onto it like a vise. It clouded his brain so the only thought he had in his head was You. It helped to dull the pain a bit, enough to move his arm in search of your hand. He held it loosely in his palm, rubbing the back slowly.

The group continued their discussion around you as you took Eddie's presence in. His aura was different, smaller almost. Yet overwhelming, like a lion in sheep's clothing. At first someone wouldn't second guess approaching him, only to regret their actions. However, everyone in this trailer knew Eddie, and although they were unsure of the recent events, they knew he needed help and were more than willing to provide it. They continued to talk, lowering their voices when discussing the details around him, and risked glances at his body when they had the courage. But mostly, you two were kept at a distance.

The coldness of his body permeated the air around him, sending a shiver through you. Eddie was quick to react, putting an arm around you and pulling you in, not realizing it was caused by him. The moment he touched you, you flinched from his temperature. He pulled away with eyes as big as a lost puppy's. The flinch hurt worse than his sides, or the pounding headache. He couldn't bring you the same satisfaction you brought him. Not anymore.

Nancy arrived with a new sheet rope, throwing it through the gate and getting most of the group over. Realizing there was no way to get Eddie through the gate until he gained some strength, you decided to stay in the Upside Down. The group threw food, water bottles, and bandages over, and left you to it while everyone sought medical treatment. They were almost gone when Robin caught your eye, a look of fear on her face. "We'll be back in a few hours. Promise."

You turned back to Eddie, instructing him to sit up. Until now, the rips in his shirt were merely glanced over. Now, you took the time to assess the damage. The bites were gory, slashing across his torso in an unrecognizable pattern. Yet they were anything but life-threatening. Some gashes already closed to form a scar. Some looked as though they were already healing.

You looked up to see Eddie watching you with hooded eyes. His sides tingled with pain but your reluctance to even touch him caused concern. He had yet to see the bites himself, more upset his shirt was completely ruined.

With a delicate hand, you rolled the bandage around his waist, doing your best not to make it too tight to cause more pain. Eddie's small winces and gasps broke your heart, but his eyes left you anxious. The deep red surrounding black was unnerving to say the least. It made you feel helpless, yet drawn in. You kept averting your gaze from his face and it didn't go unnoticed by him.

He looked away from you as his eyes began to well with tears. He took a quivering breath, pausing your movements for a moment. You continued with a sigh knowing this was a conversation for a later time.

With Eddie's wounds bound, the next task was convincing him to drink or eat. He wouldn't even turn his head toward you. His eyes shut tight as though he was trying his best to ignore you, but your scent was glued to his nostrils. He couldn't escape you physically or mentally. You ruled his thoughts. Your hair, your beautiful smile, your precious hands, the curves around your thighs and waist, your skin. The way your veins peeked through the skin on your neck. Eddie's stomach lurched at the thought, and he realized just how hungry he was. So hungry, he could eat you.

You placed a water bottle in his lap and a bag of chips, before leaving the room. Perhaps your presence prevented him from eating, or perhaps you aggravated him into starvation. You roamed through the trailer, looking around the place like you've never seen it before. The light changed the look, causing it to resemble an abandoned home rather than the one you spent countless nights in with Eddie. Vines covered the walls, reaching from the floor to the ceiling in a trepid manner. Their branches breaching into finger-like vines gripping into the walls. You followed one leading from the trailer door into Eddie's room where you found his bed covered in vines and dust. The decomposing sheets on his bed tattered with age.

A red lightning bolt lit up outside as you were met with your reflection. Your hair was knotted and messy, your clothes ripped and bloodied. A red stain sat on the middle of your shirt and you realized it was where Eddie laid against you when he stopped breathing. Your hands were dyed red at this point, no matter how much you tried rubbing them against your jeans. Eddie was all over you, drenched on your shirt and hands, his scent in your hair and around your waist. You wanted nothing more than to feel his warmth around you. To hug him close like you did on cold winter days when the wind hurt your face and burned your eyes. To feel his body next to you like on lazy mornings when you both had a day off.

A tear rolled down your cheek as you looked behind you in the mirror to catch Eddie leaning against the door frame. His breathing was heavy, as if it took a lot out of him just to walk from the couch to his room. He stared at you with those big doe eyes, never breaking eye contact with your reflection. His movements were slow and clumsy but he made his way behind you, reaching his arms around you, but not fully touching you. You finally grabbed his forearms and pulled them to your chest, basking in his hold. He still felt like Eddie, just colder. His pulse was nonexistent in the wrist under your fingertips but it didn't matter because it was still Him. His nose brushed against your neck gently, then he replaced it with his lips. They kissed delicately over your pulse point before he rested his head in the crook of your neck, listening to the blood run through your veins.

With you this close, his stomach kicked but the thought of hurting you was unbearable. You were a mess already, covered in dirt and blood that wasn't even yours. To make that worse, made him want to drown. Yet he was so hungry, he didn't even realize he lifted his head off your neck to stare directly at the vein running alongside your throat.

Without thinking you bent your neck further, exposing the skin to him. His eyes met yours in the mirror, a pleading glance, before you nodded. You didn't know what you were thinking. It was more like a feeling in your gut. The look of hunger on Eddie's face as he focused on your neck flipped a switch inside you, as if you already knew what to do. You held your breath and waited for him to prick the skin. Your fists clenched and eyelids shut tight. He opened his mouth, clueless to his actions and letting his instinct take over. One tooth bit into your neck, and then another, and then his entire mouth was on you.

As your blood dripped down his throat, the pain in his stomach subsided, as well as all over his body. He felt like he was floating on a cloud, shutting out the world around him and swimming in the taste of you. A whine escaped you when his teeth dug deeper, and he finally broke away. Your eyes remained closed, hiding from the vision of Eddie's bite marks on your neck. His fingers glided across your jaw, making you look at him. A drip of blood, your blood, sat at the corner of his mouth. When he smiled, he looked grim. A mouth full of sharp razor teeth and blood, his eyes red, and skin pale as moonlight. But he wasn't smiling to strike fear or dominance. He was smiling because you were here and despite it all, you still loved him.

tagging some babes: @iamaslutforcoffee @sadbitchfangirl

[stevesbipanic]

Hi! Just saw your post about steve learning morse code (and the implied Eddie survival/rescue) and it made me grin thinking about how ~after~ that round of horror settles the two of them would find hmm, creative ways to take advantage of this (bc if after Eddie's been trapped there with one(1) phrase he can signal he'd probably feel better learning the rest once he's free. Just in case) but anyway my point! Imagine the two of these dorks gossiping & roasting their children in front of them ~🎶🐧

Morse Code Ficlet glad you liked it, here's a part 2 from your ask ❤️

After Eddie, who had secondhandedly received some of El's healing when she saved Max, had been rescued, he spent a long time in hospital. Steve spent the majority of his time with him too, only leaving when forced out by Robin or Hopper even though Steve would've happily slept in the chair. Both boys felt they had a second chance at what they'd felt for the other and they weren't going to waste it.

Eddie spent a lot of his time reading to Steve, telling him that he can't be seen dating someone that doesn't know that Mordor is a place not a person. They went through all of Eddie's books then all of his music and still Eddie had to stay in hospital. Steve knew that Eddie was becoming increasingly bored and restless and so one day he bright in his own stack of books.

"What's this, Stevie?"

"My morse code books, I thought since it saved you life, I should teach you the rest in case you ever need it again."

By the time Eddie left hospital he had memorised the whole alphabet.

Despite learning under the pretense of needing it for emergencies, Steve and Eddie started using it all the time.

When Steve felt a migraine coming on and it hurt too much to talk he'd just tap out the word to Eddie even if he was across the room and they would leave.

If a room was becoming too overwhelming for Eddie or too loud he'd sign help to Steve and they'd go outside for a breather or a smoke break.

They'd have full conversations about the kids right in front of them just to mess with them.

"That kid has such an attitude today, he gets it from you ya know."

"You're the dramatic one, he gets it from you."

"He was like thos when you sent him to high school, Stevie, learnt his mama's sass."

"You take that back I'm not sassy!" Steve yelled out loud.

"Whatever you two are tapping out Steve you're definitely sassy."

"Wounded by my own flesh and blood, Robin"

"My mother would adopt you in a heartbeat so don't let her hear you say that."

The kids had tried learning when they realised the boys were talking about them a lot. Only Erica figured it out completely and joined in sometimes. Dustin claimed to know it perfectly but they tapped your hat looks dumb today and he didn't react so they were pretty sure they were in the clear.

Eddie had been acting weird all week and Steve was worried. Were they breaking up? Was Vecna back? Was this a code red? They were lying on the couch when Steve couldn't take it anymore.

"Eddie what's wrong? You've been acting weird lately and if you're just going to break up with me I'd rather you just say it rather than prolonging it because I don't know if I can handle this much longer."

"Hey hey hey no I'm not breaking up with you, sweetheart, I promise."

"Then why have you been acting strange?"

Eddie took a deep breathe and rested his hand on Steve's knee, slowly tapping out three words.

"Oh Eds, I love you too."

Morse code had saved them and Morse code would always keep them together.

[findafight]

Oh oh oh!!! Thinking about the supernatural AU and how Vamp Eddie feeds of of emotions ………… Thinking about Steve and his love of the kids and their found family and how Eddie interacts with this emotion when he’s around Steve - and how Eddie reacts when he realizes the overwhelming amount of love directed at himself!!

Eddie had never been good at distinguishing an individual's emotions from a group's. Sure, sometimes it would stick out, someone having a particularly good or bad day in the cafeteria or somesuch, but he wouldn't be able to say who was feeling that way. It was easier when he was close to them, if he really consentrated he could probably pick out Jeff and Gareth, but that's from prolonged proximity and getting used to their baseline moods. Maybe he was just getting better at it as he got older, more used to the complexities of emotion than he had when he was a kid.

When Dustin came along, and with him Mike and Lucas, he could sense their bubbling apprehension and excitement, the twinges of sickly guilt when they mentioned their friend Will. His new little sheepies (an ironic name for three teen werewolves he loved to whip out just for the giggles it elicited from them) felt so much so often he barely had to find parties to mooch off of while dealing. He hadn't been so full since spending a day at starcourt before it burned to the ground.

But feeling them during lunchtime and Hellfire meetings is nothing compared to when he gets told by Dustin to meet at Steve Harrington's house for "an emergency Party Meeting" right near the end of winter break.

There's a few more kids than Eddie's sheep, Nancy Wheeler and Lucas' little sister, and of course, the host of the day with his soulmate (a fact that consistently boggles Eddie's mind) Robin Buckley.

When Steve explains his parents having sat him down and given him his birthright, an ancient tome filled with the details of how to spot, catch, and kill any number of magic or non human folk, Eddie expects anger. Expects betrayal and hurt and fear to fill up his senses like smoke in his lungs.

What hits him first is a wave of dread, yes, but it's broken by Buckley reaching towards Harrington saying "shit. Are you alright?" And clinging to him.

Eddie isn't prepared for the rough wave of relief that fills the room as he watches the rest of the group gather round and hug the daylights out of a man who just admitted he was a hereditary Hunter. He realizes, after a moment, that the relief is coming from Harrington. That it's so tightly mixed with slippery worry and a sticky protectiveness it can only mean that Harrington brought them here thinking there was a chance they would shun him.

And if that doesn't make Eddie squirm in shame, just a little.

He lets the others plan, watching Harrington, just in case. The rest of this group may trust him, but Eddie didn't before this revelation and he sure as shit doesn't now. As they leave, he threatens him and Steve fucking thanks him for it, the absolute psycho (who thanks some random guy, let alone a goddamn vampire, for saying they'll kill you. Who asks them to make sure his parents are dead too, that no one ever knows what happened?)

So there's an...agreement between them. When they see the other they nod, but they never really chat.

Until March. Until spring break when Eddie realizes he's not the only kind of monster in Hawkins and the others, including Steve goddamn human Harrington, look at him with pity. It twists, sourly, in the air. The regret of the upsidedown bullshit not being over and someone else getting dragged in.

But they win, somehow. Beaten and bruised and scarred, with Eddie needing to drink actual human blood for the first time since he was a child, but they do win.

After that Eddie is absorbed into their Pack fully, a neat little addition next to Buckley and Harrington. They form a little trio inside the Pack, being the only non-wolf members, surrounded by pups who nip at their heels and beg for rides or ear scritches. Sometimes Robin will join them in their begging, claiming Steve is the only one who knows how to pat her belly and push her nose in just the right way, to which Steve will smile indulgently and let her shift and wiggle her body onto his lap, flopping on her back and barking.

Eddie eats the light and easy affection up, basks in they way it seems to surround any group of the party as easily as anything. There are different shades inside it, of course. The fizzy-pop between Max and Lucas, the crackling warmth that builds slowly into a bonfire when they let themselves play off each other of Steve and Robin's bond (that Eddie gets now, understands how they could be tied together through magic more ancient than can be deciphered. Thinks they'd be the same without it.) The babbling brook of Dustin's love flowing through all of them.

All identifiable because he knows these people, has fought and nearly died for them, lived for them. They feed him so well and willingly, delighted in the way they do it effortlessly with their love.

So Eddie notices a shift, sometime after everyone is healed up. A twinge of something different, a rippling emotion, smooth, easy, delicate, and expanding. He isn't quite sure who it comes from.

But he knows who he wants it to be from.

He keeps track of the ripples. The soft waves of emotion that lap at his senses. It's always around Steve. Steve, when he looks at Eddie or when Eddie is talking and making wide, sweeping motions or any number of times Eddie is around Steve. And he doesn't want to think too hard about it, get his hopes too high, project something he wants but isn't there. But. But. Eddie has gotten better at knowing what individuals, especially individuals in his pack, are feeling.

Weeks, months, and the ripples don't stop. The softness in Steve's eyes never faulters and his tiny grins never cease.

Eddie figures Steve would have said something by now. Nothing. Eddie can't take it.

"Why haven't you said anything?"

Steve blinks at him, head tilted.

"About...?"

Eddie waves his hand between them "about. About us. About how you feel."

Steve shrugs. Looks down. "You know."

It is not a question. Steve is well versed in how vampires in general and Eddie in particular feed. Steve knows Eddie knows how he feels. It is a fact.

"Yes, I do."

Steve scratches the back of his neck. "I guess I figured I'd let you say something if you wanted to. Figured after a while, when you didn't, that you just...didn't want to risk the Pack's dynamic. Trying to let me down easy, I guess."

Well. That's absurd. Why would Eddie want to let Steve down easy? Why would that-and there's a spike of something, something sad and uncomfortable, from Steve.

"We still don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. I--I realize I don't know what that one feels like. Sorry." Steve says, looking somewhere to Eddie's left.

"Wait. Steve. I don't want to ignore it."

Steve waves him off "seriously, if it's easier for you, we can do that" there's something ugly, cold and slimy, making its way between them. Eddie is too caught in his own confusion and worry to name it. "I'm. I am sorry, though. I don't think I'll be able to stop. Not now that I've started."

And. And Eddie should have known this about Steve. Does know this. Once he starts loving someone, Eddie doesn't think he's ever stopped. Changes it, maybe, but not stopped. Steve loves Nancy, who broke his heart, he loves Dustin and Robin and Lucas and Max, loves all the Party in their own ways, loves Jonathan and Argyle and Joyce and Hopper. He loves his goddamn parents who never give him the time of day. Eddie thinks he even still loves Tommy and Carol, just a bit.

So Eddie should have known Steve wasn't going to stop loving him once he started. Shouldn't have been a coward by avoiding talking about it, testing it to see if it'd last, about what Steve knew he knew. He should have said this weeks ago, brought up the smooth waves of affection Steve directed his way sooner, because Eddie might know, but Steve certainly doesn't.

Steve doesn't know Eddie meets his ripples halfway, everytime. Doesn't know that Eddie's own rumbling love fills him up and scares him. Scares him because how does someone who feeds from emotions and energy and can know how someone is feeling express their own? How does he put into words what he feels for Steve, when it feels so large it might make him burst?

But. But the cold slime is growing, wriggling, and Eddie realizes Steve's jaw is clenched, his fingers tangling in the hem of his shirt.

Steve stands. "I'll. I'll go. Just." He breathes slowly through his nose, the slime has spikes now. "Give me some. Space, maybe? Some time? I'm sorry. I'll try to get over y-it."

And Eddie realizes Steve still doesnt know. He snags his wrist. Turning him back to face him.

"Steve." He does not know how to continue. Has never had to put words to feelings. Steve watches him, eyes wet and wide. "I don't want space."

Steve's nose scrunches. "Please, Eddie."

Eddie tightens his grip. "Steve. I love you too."

His eyes dart around Eddie's face, scanning, searching.

"I'm not so good at words, Steve. Not about my feelings. Much easier when other vamps can just tell how you are." He slips his fingers down, weaves them between Steve's. "I'd like to work on that. For you."

Steve is looking at their hands, squeezes gently and releases. He nods. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Steve smiles. Slow and beautiful, the sun creeping out from behind clouds. The ripples are back, smooth and glassy. "Yeah. I'll listen to how you feel. And you'll tell me. Because I love you."

It sounds almost sweeter than the ripples feel. Eddie squeezes his hand, smiling back.

[queers-gambit]

hi there, cherry!

i read tears in the rain (again! no one is surprised) and it got me thinking - will a person who underwent surgery have any marks left on their chest, like scars or stitches? or as a part of the lore, do they magically disappear? i've never read hanahaki disease fics before yours so i am unaware of this just yet..

i just can't stop thinking about how the reader would see it all the time and try their best to remember why they had it but to no avail, while everybody around them probably avoids having to answer their questions truthfully. it hurts, but in a good way (god i love angst so much)

hope you're having a good day, and thank you

i love your stories as much as i love you!

hi, poppet!

solid question - and here's the thing. folklore has a plethora of explanations, so from my research, it's more common that the person who had the surgery doesn't remember the reason they had surgery, and their scars heal crazy fast so they're no longer there.

however, there's a thousand ways to write Hanahaki so there's a possibility that there's scars. and the very idea that baby girl has to look at them everyday but she can't remember? pure pain.

but that's such an interesting idea. like, she sees the scars and gives herself stress headaches trying to remember but she can't. her parents won't answer her, and when she asks her friends, they're swift to change the subjects.

and they're also really supportive of her scars; they might be borderline prouder of them than she. THEY remember why she needed the surgery and the bravery that was required to go through with it - so, they do their best to avoid her questions out of sheer want to protect her.

wanna be hurt more? what if it's Eddie that tells her she had surgery?

hear me out - he avoids her, gives her space, doesn't want to hurt her anymore. and he finds himself at Lover's Lake, in the spot they always hung out in; just smoking and watching the creepily-still lake surface.

he hears someone approaching but doesn't react because he just wants to be alone and prays whoever it is moves on.

but then you're sitting next to him after spotting him and figuring it was okay to approach because you thought you wanted to be alone too, but something in your stomach twists and you'll shyly introducing yourself to the boy you shared History class with, missing the single tear that falls from his eye out of pain. he'll play along and choke back his rest of his tears before you're asking him for a hit of the joint he's smoking.

he'll pin you with a confused look, "you can't smoke."

"why not?"

"you just had surgery, like, 3 months ago."

your head cocks, "you know?"

"course i do."

"well, do you know where the surgery was?"

he'll, again, pin you with a confused look. "what do you mean?"

"well, i can see the scars but i can't remember why i needed surgery."

he nods slowly, so fucking slow it's almost missed. he'll take a long pull of his joint and his eyes will fall to the dark dirt beneath you both; moon casting the only light.

"you had surgery on your lungs."

he takes a long hit to halt the emotion on his tongue.

"what was wrong with them? i can't remember that either, and nobody wants to tell me..."

he'll feel this overwhelming empathy because he figures you deserve to know what happened to you. "you were dying," he'll admit quietly, drawing his knees in and hooking his arms around them. "and you made a really brave decision to have the surgery. it... it saved your life, so, maybe that's why they don't wanna talk about it. it scared them that they'd lose you, so, they don't want you to remember that pain."

"what pain?" your voice is in a whisper.

and he'll finally look at you and the moon's glow will make his eyes shine brightly; you'll clock his tears as they fall, but you're distracted by his words, "the pain i caused you."

i'm hurt again. but i love you, too, poppet!! thank you for sending this in!! 🖤

edit: i'm supposed to be resting but wonky brain now can't let this idea go so guess who's outlining and fleshing out fics!! lowkey might have to incorporate this into a fic 🤔

[littlespoonevan]

I need your help please or anyone that can explain to me how does buck love or like Eddie I don’t see it I see it with Eddie how he feels about buck he likes him and has feelings for him but I only see buck liking Eddie as a friend

oof okay, where do I start?

I think it's fair to say over the last season and a bit Eddie's love for Buck can sometimes seem more obvious. We all know the fond faces got ramped up to 100 during season 4 (bless) and typically between the two of them, Eddie is the one who's made more vocal declarations of his feelings about Buck/Buck's importance to him. ("You act like you're expendable but you're wrong" etc. etc.)

Having said all that, I honestly don't know how you couldn't see that Buck loves Eddie.

Maybe you might not see it romantically - which y'know, fair enough, who's to say we're even supposed to see it romantically? But regardless, Buck absolutely loves Eddie and it's not something I've ever questioned.

The most damning example for me has always been the scene in Eddie Begins when the well collapses. Because Buck is...Buck just completely loses it????

He tries to dig through 40 feet of mud with his bare hands, he screams Eddie's name raw, he sobs in Bobby's lap and is utterly and completely inconsolable. And like, okay yes, Eddie's his best friend. Yes, it's traumatic no matter who it would be but we've never seen Buck act like that before. The closest examples I can think of are when he loses Chris in the tsunami and running to Maddie after she's been kidnapped by Doug. But again, those are two of the other people in Buck's life he loves the most.

We don't see him react like that when Bobby gets caught in the radiation fire or when Chim is stabbed or when the helicopter goes down with Hen in it. It's just because it's Eddie. Also even before this when he asks to go down to help Eddie instead of Chim Hen's immediate response is, "Why, so we can have two cut lines?" which only further proves the whole team knows Buck would sacrifice himself to save Eddie and would literally die with him if he couldn't.

Like that level of devotion is just unfathomable to me???????

We obviously see an entire repeat of this when Eddie gets shot and the entire sequence of getting him to the hospital. And yeah, once again, it's traumatic regardless but Buck's reaction is what it is because it's Eddie. He's borderline catatonic after the shooting, is barely holding himself together, and completely breaks when he finds out Eddie's okay.

I couldn't find a gif of the actual moment after he reads the texts but I've never seen Buck cry like that before???? Like you can just feel the relief and the devastation and every single emotion that's flooding through him and idk how to say that isn't love???

(Another very brief example before I move on: Buck runs into gunfire in 5x06 when he thinks Eddie's been hurt without even a second to think about what kind of danger it might put himself in)

The other thing that I think highlights Buck's feelings is the way he reacts to the things Eddie says to him?? Like I made a post yesterday about the significant things Eddie has told Buck in the past and Buck's face is always just this combination of awe and disbelief and salvation. And I personally feel like Eddie is the one who's always able to get through to him specifically because he believes in Eddie so much.

I also think it's quite telling that Buck generally isn't good with his words when it comes to Eddie??? Like normally Buck's pretty good at communication and confrontation but he really seems to struggle when it comes to defining Eddie's importance to him or saying how he feels, almost like it's too overwhelming to put into words. (In contrast to Eddie who normally struggles with words but always seems to find what to say when it's Buck)

But to move onto some happier examples askjdhf I think the way Buck supports Eddie unconditionally says a lot. Buck has a whole dilemma in s1 where he doesn't know if he's prepared for the complications that comes with dating Abby while she's taking care of her mother and Bobby tells him Abby needs someone who won't fix everything for her but will step inside the mess with her and keep her company and that's...exactly what Buck does with Eddie.

Literally from 2x02 he's there for Eddie in every way he can think without Eddie ever having to ask. He takes him to pick up Chris after the earthquake, he takes him to the hospital when his abuela breaks her hip, he clears it with Bobby so Eddie can take Chris to work with him, he introduces Eddie to Carla, he listens to Eddie when he's worrying about parenting decisions and never criticises him - only does his best to reassure him and be there for him.

And maybe in a way it's not as demonstrative as some of the things Eddie has said in the past but it's definitely Loud. We know Buck loves Chris independent of Eddie. Eddie knows it too. But it doesn't change the fact that part of the reason Buck loves Chris so much is because he's also part of Eddie.

Finally, I think he loves him just because he does. Because he's his best friend and they have fun together and he trusts Eddie so implicitly and he defers to Eddie always and because he refused to miss his firefighter ceremony even though he'd just had his crush injury because "this is more important", because when Taylor kissed him and ran away he ran to Eddie instead of chasing after her, because he watches Eddie and Chris like he's looking at his future, because he can tell when something's wrong with Eddie when no one else can. Because Eddie said "no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you" but that also meant "no one will ever fight for me as hard as you" and I believe that.

Idk I think in the end I just feel like if Buck was asked, "Who's your favourite person?" the answer would be Eddie, y'know?

[greenlikethesea]

Hi I just need to know HOW did you & @sparklyslug come up with the “Eddie saw Dustin & Steve reunite in scoops” scene for Shallow Pools because that had be crying screaming sobbing but in the best way?? Like just picturing him watching them?? Eddie doesn’t even really know Dustin at this point in canon so it’s like… Steve Harrington, king of the bitches, goofing off with just the most random child??? The whole thing is so inspired I love it to bits!!!

ahhhh, so happy you asked this! @sparklyslug look at this beautiful question/comment! please drop any additional insights, because you shaped this scene with me into the beautiful thing it is now! get ready for a bit of a long one, because i have a lot of emotions about this scene:

aside from eddie getting railed into the stratosphere, this scene was among the first written for part 2 of what we call in our text thread "pool party". i, like many in the fandom, have a desire to see how eddie would react to steve in the sailor uniform. i got the idea of him witnessing this scene because i wanted to know how someone outside of the situation would perceive something that was largely played for laughs in the show's canon. sparkly loved it, which i was grateful for.

a lot of people have written wonderful fic in which eddie actually interacts with steve at starcourt, placing him in steve's mind much earlier in the timeline. i love this interpretation of eddie, this kind of bold, brash boy who just loves to fuck with guys like steve. however, we've decided that unlike other timelines we've written for eddie, fair ithilien eddie initially has a really difficult relationship with his sexuality. it has been mentioned, but so it's on record: fair ithilien eddie doesn't have sex until he's nearly 23 years old. so in 1985, he's 19 and has never even been kissed. now, like he says to will in phrase that fits, steve is the fantasy. so as much as he'd hate king steve for what he stands for, he also bore witness to the downfall, and at that point in time, steve is just untouchable. beautiful. perfect. this fantasy he has of steve, coupled with his own anxiety and shame and weird feelings about his sexual identity at this point, would hold him back from even attempting to interact with steve. robin, he could do. he knows robin. but not steve.

sparkly and i both really love dustin, and i think that eddie would, even with dustin's attitude problem in early adolescence, see how sweet he is even from a first impression like that. he thinks it's great that this kid, so obviously different from people around him, is just himself. and he knows asks for steve by name, which scares eddie, because this kid's great, but he's a walking target. even if steve is maybe different now, he's gonna be mean to this kid. steve's not king steve anymore, but he's still a jackass who's mean to anyone who's different.

and seeing steve's face break into the most genuine smile he's ever seen on him -- not sneering, not nasty, but so happy to see this dorky kid -- throws him for a loop. the kid -- henderson, apparently, which yeah, wayne knows his mom -- knows that steve got the job, which means that they probably wrote each other letters while henderson was at camp. he does a stupid trumpet thing, which...steve is capable of being silly? he can make lightsaber noises and knows how they work, which means he's seen at least one star wars movie? and then he sees his bruised to shit knees (after trying very hard to not stare at his perfect ass in those shorts, he's only human), and oh. steve is just a person. he doesn't have perfect knees. his shorts, which fit him really well, show off his scarred up legs too.

i'm so interested in an eddie that is so overwhelmed by the entirety of steve -- by how fucking cute he is in the summer of 1985, but also at the first inklings of being deeper than a mean guy he goes to school with -- that he can't even be in the same space as him. an eddie that has to be thrust into literal danger in order to interact with steve. an eddie that can only cross that bridge of touching when he's in hiding and scared out of his mind. the one who's thinking about steve's knees under his jeans when he's holding a bottle to his neck.