#dw i still havent went to sleep and it's 4 am

[gen0kill]

Her eyes opened wide as the kiss was given to her, she was speechless. That blush on her face was still there, she was very flustered and she loved feeling like this. She just stared at him, her hands starting to fidget.

“... d-did you really?” 

"no you can't commit arson. not aloud."

“Well... want to come along n’ help me eh, eh?”

[wondercookieunicorn]

Haha that's alright! Take your time and there's no rush ^^ I hope you're having fun with your mom! N I'll prolly wont be back online until later tonight bc work. And the pink is no problem for me! I think it's cute ^^ and the message STILL hasnt come through?!? I guess i'll have to try again tonight 🙄 and you're really such a soft person im so lucky that i was assigned to you ^^ n i'd like it if you did the mission but ofc you dont have to! - 🌱💚

1/? whoooo!!! and awwwe :( well, even if you didnt get to spend it with your friend, i hope you had a good day! And yes, Muriel seems like such a sweetheart, but i havent seen him much yet so i cant say for certain what i think of him. But yes, i dO want to be taller! It was was my one goal in life to be tall since the doctor said i could grow to be 179cm! but i got stuck! i didnt even reach the 170cm TT it's really frustrating bc people here are tall and im not :

2/? sjnsd i try to be kind^^ the world's full of shitty people as it is. and okey! I'll keep that in mind~ ofc you can always rant or vent to me too about anything ^^ and ugh, yes it should. SHDBCASJDJ am i really that cute when i talk about doie??? and if you called that cute then boi do i have another thing comin for ya XD that was nothing compared to how i can be when it concerns idols (doie specifically) but pls dont crack yuta's nr i dont want you to be jailed for privacy invasion - 🌱💚             

3/4 and i know you are still joking dw! idk why i even said that i think it was an oppertunity too good to pass by XD and yes, johnny's hair really was tragic. i'm all here for long hair on guys but that was just a little too much even for me (yuta's red mullet nowadays though ohohoho i am living my best life bc of it) and ye, we're here now! that's what matters^^ n i can see why t7s didnt work out XD it's,,, sth that has to grow on you, i think. - 🌱💚       

4/4 Ye they're new movies. Missing Link is not a scary movie though! It was really cute and funny and revolved around the found family trope (god, i love that trope soooo much) and the studio that made Missing Link (Laika studios) has made some other really great stop motion films. My favourite genre would be drama ig? I live for drama in stories! And i also like comedic elements and superhero/monster stuff (tho not horror i hate horror!) and my fave movie is Hunt For The Wilderpeople^^ - 🌱💚       

I´m glad that you´re feeling that way sksks my soul is pleased ~

Day was llooong, I just arrived at home. I´ve successfully harvested about like 12 buckets full of small yellow plums and there still ain´t no storm I- anyway. Hope your day went well so far as well and that you´ll get sum nice “After work” rest!!  ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥

I rlly wanna try the mission, tho I´m kinda tired rn so might be doing it tmr. Also chances are high that I´ll go to sleep rather soon, so just in case we won´t get to talk today; just wanna let you know that I´ll be at a friends houseparty that I rlly wanna ditch tmr evening and I´ll be sleeping there and saturday I´ll probably be home around 4PM or sumthn.. so like- Just wanted to let you know idk, since we´re on anon and all and not DMs. Okay anyway xD

Ya huney, I can crack into Yuta´s contacts without anyone knowing becuz he´ll prolly accidentaly reveal doyoungs number himself lolol Anyway, what are your like, idk let´s say 5 top Idols? Incase you stan more then NCT? I´m excited to see more cuteness directed to Doyoung I cant get myself to write dl,,,oe,,e,,,,

Who doesn´t live their best life, with Yuta walkin around like that?? Sir gotta cAlm down!!!

Aww I don´t know your fav movie. Might gonna watch it on sunday, who knows; then we can tallk about it ;3 ❦ 

My fav movie aside from the old disney beauty and the beast would probably be identity? I´m all for Thrillers. And I hate horror too!! Like especially when it´s like supernatural horror yet here I am, loving Supernatural lol becuz it just isn´t explainable and if there ain´t logic to it then it´s not my thing sksks. I do mostly shit my pants at Thrillers too but if the Thrillers are good, Then. They.  Are. Just. Way. Too. Interesting. Gotta. Watch!!!!

But yeah, I still don´t know the situation between your pets AND whether or not you commented on my cursing thing :´))))

Anyway, imma see where this evening brings me to. In any case I´ll wish you a good night ~ ❦ 

Love you ❦

[goldenkiva]

unfiltered rambling (this is a (long) vent post; cw for some irl death mentions, sui and self harm mention (nothing in reality), bad mental health time, all that jazz

well it’s 7:30 am and ive been awake since 4 am. which is an improvement really. i slept at 12:30am ish, in contrast to constantly sleeping at 8 am or later the past month or so. and it’s been taking a very bad toll on me lately mentally. everything has been building up and probably toyin’s death (yes the one who was found dead, we were classmates in middle/high school...) was my breaking point as i had a very bad panic attack a few days after. that lasted a good 22 hours before i fully calmed down. it always takes me 5-9 hours to calm down from anxiety or trauma related bad times as i have no real coping mechanisms and i will just literally do nothing but stay huddled up in bed until the unbearable feeling goes away. but that one. was just really bad. i think i also accidentally upset one of my best friends before that which also attributed to it (we’re fine now.) it’s been a bit since i had that panic attack but i still feel so bad all the time. sometimes i joke about wataru giving me chest pain bc i love him so much but i feel like i havent experienced physical emotion in so long i just want to feel it even if it’s painful. i dont self harm so dw about that btw. but i rarely shed even a single tear anymore when ive always been a total cry baby. i only cry full on tears and sobs now when im being over stimulated during a conversation. i just genuinely want to feel physically excited or happy or sad or whatever. i want to feel physical emotion again and not just numbness with an occasional laff or on the verge of getting watery eyes but not even real crying or whatever. 

i also had to get a new phone bc my dumb clumsy self dropped my phone flat on the screen a second time and it was unrepairable which makes me sad bc i only had this phone for two years and it still ran perfectly well. i wanted to keep it for 3-4 years at least...i got a new one ordered yesterday and im splitting price with my dad n i just feel bad i had to get a new one at all bc because of covid and shit my parents are only getting half the usual business and we already dont make a ton. thankfully my parents and sister are the type to not spend recklessly in general (i am prob the biggest spender...) but that wont stop my dumb of ass generalized anxiety disorder from making me worry about bankruptcy or poverty or some other extreme. i hate it bc i cant do anything about these thoughts except just what feels like sitting in mud and i slowly sink in. i wish i was an artist with more clout because i desperately want to be have consistent (or any) income. even before covid i always feel bad about not having a job. ik it’s hard to balance school and work anyway so it’s fine if im not working but it sucks. american college is a scam. at least i didnt go to an art school. (well. i am in art program in college. but not going to an arts dedicated school like ringling. which is significantly more expensive. if i went to art school id be significantly more likely to end up in very heavy debt) but i hate having gad. i hate not having any real coping mechanisms. i feel frustrated and a little annoyed when i asked about coping mechanisms for my anxiety with my therapist she just told me breathing exercises. which ig can be valuable but ik in my heart this wont help me at all. perhaps it’s un-dx’d adhd with rsd making me feel that way that makes me refuse to even want to do them. all my medical and health issues are also a contribution to my gad and financial terrors. sometimes it makes me wanna die but i wont do that. bc my friends and family would genuinely be very heartbroken if i were to suddenly be gone especially if by my own hand. i wouldnt want anyone to blame themselves either...

the only things genuinely making me feel anything lately is wataru and buck tick. it almost makes me a little upset how little amount of things make me happy or even feel anything rn. im reading a tragedy visual novel rn (which is very good and well written and i generally like tragedies and i find them indulgent) that i am enjoying very much yet i feel barley anything while reading it. i immensely miss the buck tick concert streams so bad. watching them over the month and half they streamed every saturday morning really put how much they love making music and performing in a brand new light to me, and watching that last concert bestias locus solus was just. so amazing. i dont know how to talk about it other than i was genuinely touched. they went all out playing at that concert stage bc it was their first time performing there (at the time in their 31 year career, 33 this year) and the unplugged performances and sakura especially got me so hard. im not good with words so im not doing a good job at all expressing how much that concert (along with the day in question 2017) made me feel. i miss it. i want to buy the dvds so bad but theyre so expensive and now is not a time for reckless spending. but one day i will attain them and experience the happiness they bring me again. im sad my friends arent rly into them the same degree i am but ig it really is such a personalized feeling. i was already in a state of dread and depression when i got into the band. but im still glad my other friends enjoy them and tell me they enjoy their music. their stuff slaps. theyre just an amazing band. a band not restricted by genre. a band who makes music because they love it and love performing and love their fans and dont get warped in the ideas of fame or fortune, and are fully okay with being normal people...a band with the same line up since their pro debut in 1989 because the members all love and care about each other so much. theyre still going strong in their mid to late 50s as they were in their late teens. they make me so happy...

well it’s 8 am now and if youve read this whole thing, thanks i guess? that sounds rude, but im just kinda sittin in the mud. im still in the midst of cleaning my room. i am not someone to recklessly hurt myself or anything like that so dont worry about that. i’ll be fine. probably. if you wanna listen to buck tick heres their spotify :) i recommend their albums atom miraiha no. 09, no.0 (especially the live performance version), kuratta taiyo, darker than darkness style 1993, aku no hana, and their kemonotachi no yoru/rondo double single. they slap so good. also spotify is missing literally like 15 years worth of their music from the 00s-10s. you can find downloads online though. theyre also releasing a new single in august im very excited for it. also, the singer of the band (atsushi sakurai) did a collab with sheena ringo where he sung the bg vocals of her song elopers, which was also made in sakurai’s image and she got it really dead set on tbqh. sheena ringo loves bt so yall should too :)

[wondercookieunicorn]

1/? That's mean of her :( but im glad the call went well! and asdjskl pls keep making jeffrey jokes i love inside jokes. YAS the arcana is great!! I only started a few weeks ago but i love it soooo much!! Julian is def my fave (lucio the prick is second and i love portia too) but im almost finished with julian's route and it makes me sad bc i love him so much :( you're still a little taller then me~ im 167cm and i hate it i want to be taller :

2/? And you think you might be ace?! That's awesome!! I'm ace myself! Don't let anyone tell you what you can identify as, you know yourself best and only you get to decide! Also if you have any questions to ask about asexuality (or aromanticism, or anything really) i'd be more than happy to answer them as well as i can! ^^ Hahaha yea i get that feeling! When I wake up i usually am very out of it and can't focus well, but i get cranky on top of that when i am rudely awoken XD - 🌱💚            

3/? YEAH!!! I'm really excited to have my braces removed though i know it will be weird for a few days. But I'll get retainers instead so I won't have to miss braces for long XD (seeing doie in that one jcc ep lowered my self-consciousness about my braces/retainerrs a whole lot and he looks so cute with them in and i uwuwuwu) but thank you anyway!! your taste in music is cool, too!! and i come here daily now that i know you (omg i cant believe i wrote that i never flirt ever this is cringy) 🌱💚 

4/5 OH GOD WAKEY WAKEY IS AN EXPERIENCE i literally cannot listen to the song because of the hair. what on earth was he thinking, honestly. ohh yea i see. for me i knew about nct since predebut when they were ft in exo 902014 and then nct u debut came but i didnt like the song back then. But i did like fire truck and chewing gum when they were released but i never liked it enough to stan (big mistake on my part) so years went by and i re-found out about them during regular promotions and - 🌱💚     

5/5 i was intrigued by the memes and stayed for the boys and music, and i do not regret any minute since. I'm sad i havent stanned them for longer but im so super glad i know about them now. but yeah, that's my nctzen origin story XD as for the movies, i watched Missing Link and Always Be My Maybe. they were entertaining, though not my fave movies ^^; But i'll be signing off and going to sleep soon, just fyi! It was fun talking with you again and i hope you sleep well later! ily!!! - 🌱💚                  

I have mastered jeffrey jokes, so that part of me is very relieved lmao!! 💓 

My friend ditching me ain´t suprising so- whatever idk it happens

Julian was my fav at first too, but Muriel TT sksksks

Don´t wanna be taller. yOu just think that. Trust me. We have the perfect height. Every human of our size is the perfect size! Easily hugable, not too tall, not too small! I´m rooting for our heights! no lmao but srsly tho, I rlly do think that that´s kind of the perfect size~

Ahhhh you´re too kind sksksks!! 💓  I´ll make sure to let you know incase I ever have questions about sexualitys! Plus, I might not be the greatest help rlly, but if you have questions or just feel the need to complain about anything of that sort (or any other sort lol), feel free to do so ~^^ 💓 

being rudely awoken should be an illegal crime period

Awww sksksksks I think I gotta crack into Yutas contacts and make him give me Doyoungs number or anything so I can send him to you sksksks you´re so cute when you´re talking about him sksks when you´re talking abt the others it´s cute too but not to thAt extent sksks 💓 

hahahsjskhadahhf I love u sksksks I never flirt either, that´s a weird experience sksksks I´m glad you´re making an exception for me right dere where´s ma lenny face at ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ksksksks (I don´t know how this´ll come across but I´m still joking sksksks dw! 💓)

Don´t attacc johnny like th---- You know what? That hair was TRAGIC SKSKSKSK I am- anyway

woah since predebut?? That must rlly hurt thooo ohnoooo, BUT you here now, that´s all that matters!!!! PLUS The 7th Sense-- I- I never got friends with that one smh. And cherry bomb was almost everywhere and it annoyed me. Main reasons why I ditched 127 for dream somehow. Idk. But yeh. We here now!! 💓 

Well I don´t know both of those movies,,,, or I might know them, just not the english titles,,, uhhhhhhh - okay i googled, I don´t know both of them but the pictures from Missing link kinda creep me out,,,,

What are your favorite movies/genre then? Your question for tmr lolol  💓 

YES YES, go to sleep love it´s getting late~ Sleep well 💓