#dude i'm so mad idk why this is bugging me so much

[vieraslaji]

status: suuria määriä homeisen leivän keräämässä

[deborah-the-downer]

"Have you thought about why you've lost so many friends?"

Idk dude, why did you lose those same exact friends? Also maybe because I'm willing to remove awful people from my life.

What I don't get is ending a bunch of friendships and then deciding to still live with them and making both yourself and everyone else uncomfortable. You had months to switch to a different dorm but you just had to stay.

I hate feeling like I'm being talk downed to and belittled constantly because we're all apparently emotional and irrational and need things explained to us like toddlers and you're some magically enlightened being.

I hate that you don't take care of your cat and then act like we're insane for suggesting such a thing. Who noticed when his mouth was so pus filled that it was damn near glued shut? Not you and it took a shit ton of pressuring for you to take in remotely seriously. His chest is matted and I know that had happened over several months. He is always seeking our attention now because he's clearly lonely and was never like this before and now he has fucking fleas too. Cats don't get covered in flea dirt in an afternoon.

We have bugs because the state the dorm was in when it was just you in the summer. I came back to find me pans caked in old food and grease. You never take out the trash or do this dishes and you make a mess with your coffee grounds everywhere. I moved our paper towel holder to find a sticky coffee spot from where your coffee maker used to sit.

I hate that only your emotions seem to matter. That we aren't allowed to feel hurt or be offended by anything you do and that every little thing from us is a jab but unless we have something in fucking writing it doesn't count.

What hurts the most is I once thought you were my actual friend and you made so many promises to me and broke all of them. It's the fact that my friendship was apparently worthless. I'm so mad I wasted time giving you so much benefit of the fucking doubt.

It's crazy because I still don't understand what happened. I said I felt a little hurt that you were on a discord call when you were supposed to be hanging out with me and it's been insanity ever since. I feel like I'm going crazy because it's all absurd. It feels like Jekyll and Hyde from how wildly you switched up.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

OKAY. SO. i'm going to be directly pulling from the wiki + ttrpg text & abridging some of it. here we go. little bowl of seeds for u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so. the circumstances leading up to the trigger event influence the power granted. half the state of mind, and half the scenario that they're in. taylor was in a situation where she was isolated, blind and powerless and felt like everyone was conspiring against her-- either directly (planning for fucking weeks to get her into the locker) or indirectly (ignoring her inside, not letting her out) etc. she triggered as a master, someone who can see everything and control so many things so exactly and specifically and she has something (her bugs) there for her, in some sort of fucked up companionship, in response to that. the overview is as follows!!

^this is the gist of it!!!!!! the ttrpg also goes into more in depth on many of these-- i won't send u 1 billion screenshots Now (spoilers in the gdocs u r Not allowed in there) but. here r a couple irt the nhw for flavor :}

also holy shit now i can be so so so fucking annoying about Why i gave the nhw the powers i did... i kind of got into it w/ the trigger events. but like. still..!!!!!!!!!!!

OHHHHHHHH MY GOD. HOLY SHIT. YEAH UR RIGHT I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT FROM THE WRONG ANGLE. OH MY GODDDD DUDE . THIS IS SO FUCKING TASTY. MY MIND IS GOING ABT A BILLION MILES AN HOUR RNNNN ohhhh god this got so long i gotta out it under a cut. im having so many thoughts dude

i would LOVE the essay about each of the nhw triggers btw. i can SEE your vision i can FEEL your vision. william feeling so fucking isolated in his hometown leading him to have master powers. his. idk weird relationship with ghosts/monsters/death coupled with his EXTREME near death experience manifesting in his breaker powers. UGHHH thats so good. TRUMP POWERS BEING CAUSED BY DIRECT INVOLVEMENT BY ANOTHER CAPE IN THE TRIGGER EVENT. VIRION WATCHING HIS DAD SLAUGHTER THEIR ENTIRE PARTY/FRIENDS/FAMILY. dakota being lost in the crowd after losing his parents, knowing something bad is happening but not knowing exactly what, catching glimpses of the fight and the blood and the horror but still not fully understanding, not knowing how or if he'll ever find his parents again and that manifesting in his thinker powers. also that zone/quick/farsight thing holy FUCK thats so failsafe. "loss of autonomy, being situationally restricted/overwhelmed" manifesting as sensing people in his immediate environment. "results from tunnel vision in views/character, incorrect perceptions" (can we say dakota damascus hero worship!) manifesting as powers that go beyond the usual senses (fear/pain sense!). i honestly think the Quick part would come more from his second trigger, which is what gives him the Mover powers right? "panic, frantic inability to solve problems, rushed errors" <- not being able to catch katori in time, making the split second decision to fall after her, manifesting as his mover/thinker powers. being able to make those split second decisions midair and Actually Accomplish them, but by the time he triggered they were already too close to the ground and he couldnt save her anyway (<< and theres the tragic irony)

ohhhh i didnt mean to go off so much about failsafe but that just gave me a lot of feelings about his triggers :( ANYWAY THINKING ABOUT ASHE NOW. GOD. OKAY. right now. how are we feeling about Shaker/Breaker. ok ok im having a lot of thoughts here bear with me. idk if u have a more clear trigger for him in mind but the thing ive been thinking about all day since u sent me that first ask is. the call going out to evacuate because simurgh is coming. ashe's mom has to go get him from school and its a mad rush with all of the other parents trying to do the same thing. instead of immediately leaving, they go back to the house for some reason (she forgot something important? maybe her phone so she had no way to contact mark/see if he was okay? idk i havent worked that out yet.) and shes just. running around frantically grabbing things getting ready to leave and ashe is standing in the doorway not knowing what to do or how to help. and its like an earthquake hits. (i just keep thinking about chris's death and how fucking. sudden and brutal it was it has stuck with me for some reason). something big or heavy falls on her and just . immediately crushes either one or both of her legs. totally unable to move. and ashe starts panicking and shes obviously panicking but trying so hard to keep it together not to scare ashe anymore than he already is. and she tells him to go, tells him to follow the other people who are leaving, maybe find one of their neighbors and go with them. (side note here. if she got her phone. i want her to text mark here and tell him to come home. something really short and terrifying and panic inducing that breaks him out of his hesitation. "need help, come home, cant leave" something like that. worlds most miserable man these are the last words he has of his wife aha) ashe doesnt want to leave his mom! hes just a kid he doesnt know what the endbringers are or why theyre so scary or why THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR is so bad!! she keeps telling him not to worry, that dad will meet him there when hes safe, ashe immediately asks something like "but what about you?" and its very. disney movie parent dying level of tragedy. he triggers when she eventually cant hold it together anymore either from the pain or the panic and just starts. screaming at him. ashe you need to go you cant stay here you need to leave me im not coming with you etc etc etc.

ANYWAY. ALL THIS TO SAY. shaker powers come from environmental/ambient danger. i.e. a literal endbringer attack. maybe the house isnt structurally sound anymore but he doesnt want to leave his mom. breaker powers come from . well this is more of me maybe forcing the issue but i want the trickster to be a separate form or something. the abstract stressors here being. he knows something bad is happening but he doesnt know exactly what. he knows his mom cant move but he wants her to be able to so she can leave with him, shes yelling at him telling him to go, he doesnt know where his dad is, he doesnt want to go by himself. etc etc do you feel the vision here. taking this directly from that last paragraph about breakers too but like "knowing a situation is dangerous but not wanting to leave" yknow!!!!! i dont know exactly how this would manifest yet but goddd just. imagining it as something like. his shaker powers are the ones he can actually control and use normally but the trickster/breaker powers is what he turns into in situations similar to his trigger, where someone he loves is in danger. but the irony of it is that he cant really control his actions as the trickster and he just kind of. goes berserk on whatever is around him. absolutely brutal, maybe a little sadistic; its kind of perfect for situations like overlord where they do actually need to kill someone to get out of the situation, but with things like his trigger. well. the only living thing around him was his mom. so . wasnt pretty. is this anything . im in so much pain about this

final FINAL side note. i know we have mark as a cauldron cape but even if we didnt i think both his classifications working so fucking well ESPECIALLY tinker "solutionless problems over long periods, resulting in a crisis moment" what is more of a solutionless problme than knowing you and your son have been marked by the simurgh and deciding that instead of following protocol youre going to say fuck it all and get the two of you out of there by. nuking your entire lives and faking new identities and struggling to bounce back from somehting like that all while knowing the inevitability of. the fact that youve BEEN MARKED BY THE FUCKING SIMURGH. (also striker "results from an immediate threat, usually a single object or individual" hello? coming home to find your son in some demonic berserk state and your wife a bloody mess on the floor all while theres this overbearing scream/singing in your head ??? okayyyyy)

[truckfreaks]

had such an funny array of experiences the other night at that bar and I've been reflecting on it and wanting to write about it very much.....

on one hand i saw my friends sibling who i haven't seen in quite a while, and he was more outwardly open and excited and chatty than hes been for probably the whole ten years I've known him. like, he even invited me to his bands show? he never invites anyone! he's notorious in our crowd for being very, like... idk. ive heard lots of things - "particular", "difficult to work with", perfectionist... but he was totally different.

he brought his new boyfriend along, and we all had a long silly talk about sneaking into cons when we were kids, navigating the precarious world of gender soup (he understands my soup probably better than anyone, cis trans or otherwise, that I've ever met! it felt great!), the different creative projects were working on (he went to college for video game soundtrack composition at a really prestigious school - super talented!), got really excited when we realized we never had any idea one another had bugsonas and excitedly shared art of our respective bug guys... oh and his boyfriend recognized Dr. Habit on my phone lock/background?! it was the first time anyone's ever recognized anything SFM related on me in the wild ! so that was cool!

and on the other hand... my friend (his brother)'s girlfriend who i've been trying to give an honest fair shake in getting to know was there as well. and like, i think surface wise most people look at her and assume she's like, very ... leftist? and I'm sure she thinks she is, too. but every time i talk to her she sneaks in some kinda backhanded comment about women. i get a big internalized misogyny plus Italian familial politics vibe. and i found myself talking to her abt similar topics, because she said to me she's never seen her boyfriends brother so animated before! and i said well this might be my personal experience coloring things, but being out makes a massive difference in someone's ability to just, like, exist happily! and she wasn't sure what i meant by that, so i explained, and she was like "oh, well i guess i don't understand why you're choosing to identify in a neutral or masc leaning way but you dress like a girl?" and i explained that first off, i appreciate not getting it, but the first step is recognizing that there is no one right way to be a man or a woman, and if we accept gender nonconforming behavior from cis people then why don't we accept it from trans people? why do i have to be a caricature of manhood for you to see me as transmasc? and it kind of got through to her but... not entirely, because her line of questioning was a little ... invasive and unkind in a bad faith way (i have a LOT of patience for folks who may "get it wrong" but engage with me in a good faith way). like she was tryna play gotcha or something.

and i suppose the juxtaposition - people who are quietly queer suddenly becoming loudly queer and, as a result, happier, vs. people who are vocally supportive, but only when a person fits their narrative of what a queer person should look or act like... well. it was not lost on me!

and it also reminded me that sometimes, when you get a vibe about a person, you should trust your gut! it's ok to think, yeah, this isn't a nice person, im gonna protect myself! because if i continued engaging with her, the conversation might have gone very poorly. it certainly has in the past. (for example, apparently bee and puppycat was, and i quote, "too woke" for her. she got really mad when i laughed about it and realized with horror that she wasn't kidding). i feel bad for my friend (her boyfriend) for being in the middle of it, sorta. he's a easygoing simple dude who is wildly supportive of his brother and however he chooses to identify, and frankly i don't think he knows a whole lot about this side of his girlfriend because to him, he doesn't really seek out those kinda conversations. not obviously that it's never come up, but yeah. i know him well enough to know he doesn't share those feelings with her, and it's always really shocking to me to hear her express them - but always when he isn't around. so much so that in the past when I've expressed concern about it, he didn't believe me at first! (then other folks started saying the same thing.)

idk. life is cool and weird and i am happy to be a cool and weird little guy.

[kirwell]

"I need redemption, I'm just a man. Pray for me, brother I need redemption I'm just a man A man on a mission" - Art (c) me (LizzieLass on DeviantArt) Reposting my stuff from DA cause it's dead over there rip

I'm not a huge fan of Blackstar. I read Blackfoot's Reckoning, and I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a "redemption" story since he was being evaluated by StarClan to receive his 9 lives. He's obviously done a lot of terrible things for a lot of terrible people, taking everything at face value instead of digging a little deeper to find the truth and make his own judgement calls. He idolized cats so much, and it really blinded him to his own atrocities. I don't remember if he ever made amends in the main arc or not before he died?? 

What actually bugs me the most, is by StarClan's own standards, mentioned in some of the newer books, Blackstar should've ended up in the Dark Forest. In fact, A LOT of cats should've ended up there, if StarClan followed what they preach and didn't play favorites. I'm getting off topic but I don't understand how StarClan got PISSY with Leafpool and Squirrelflight about having illegitimate kits and lying about it, but cats who murder and generally do awful things, get a free trip into cat heaven! I don't get how you can justify someone like Ashfur and allow him into StarClan, but actually consider condemning Leafpool, whose worst crime was HAVING BABIES !! and babies who actually saved the clans, sooo why ya'll mad starclan?? Imagine being judged by Bluestar and Yellowfang of all people... literally the least qualified to be judging people. im sorry, im mad. Idk bro, its sus. Starclan be gatekeepin' fr

but yeahhh, I didn't like Blackfoot's Reckoning. I was in mental agony reading through it. I feel like the purpose of his novella was the Erins trying to "redeem" him in the eyes of the readers like "ohhh look Blackfoot wasn't all that bad, he wasn't a bad person, seeeee, he deserves to be in starclan." But all it did was show me how UNQUILFIED he was for a leadership role. This dude really was a sheep his entire life smh. we all joke that darkstripe was a simp for tigerstar, but lets be honest, i'm pretty sure Blackfoot was too. How else could he be so blind to literal cat war crimes??? Erins... It's OK to have non-villain characters be seen in shades of grey. You don't need to make them squeaky clean and void of all faults in order to call them a good guy. The world is more than black and white. Lesson of the story. StarClan is really wack with their judgment calls and blackfoot was not a good, nor a smart person. ShadowClan deserved better. And I have an au in the works to show just what I mean,, if i ever finish it .. ^^;

[jack-is-lost]

BOY OH BOY AM GLAD YOU ASKED FOR HEADCANONS AND IMAGINES I GOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF EM *digs around in bag* HERE LOOK:

david's a horse girl and used to sneak out and ride grandpa emerson's horses

i have a headcanon that he was also a cowboy before he got turned so he actually knows how to get away with it

marko really likes video games and has stolen a bunch of arcade machines over the years

paul had the idea of stealing a chandelier from some stupid country club up north and bringing it to the cave

dwayne likes to swing from it and has also flung himself face-first into the opposite wall many times because of this

star is the one with the braincell like 50% of the time (david gets it the rest of the time) but as soon as she sees some harmless dumbfuckery she's all aboard

like for instance: star will see marko trying to paint a bunch of dicks on the ceiling of the hotel lobby and she'll be like "bitch why" and he'll be like "man idk" and then she'll grab the fuckin ladder and be like "move over shorty im painting tasteful nudes"

laddie just likes to collect bugs and other critters

and then put them in extremely weird places

grasshoppers in your jacket pockets? laddie

praying mantis in your leftovers? laddie

frog in your saddlebags? laddie

snake in your boot? laddie

iguana in the fountain? laddie

massive fuckoff spider in the bathtub? laddie

a whole-ass sea lion in your bed? laddie

michael just does normal teenager shit like accidentally hoard garbage and not move for seven hours a day

him and david also make out an obnoxious amount but that's a combined offense so it technically doesn't count

it is hella funny when they get interrupted while they're in really precarious spot tho

like they'll be making out upside-down and then paul or dwayne will just show up outta nowhere and be like "hey"

one of them ALWAYS falls

paul and marko are definitely both the "hey we're out of—stop screaming it's only me—we're out of milk" friends

david likes to serenade michael with never tear us apart by inxs

it's cute, but it can be REALLY inconvenient at times

michael: ow

david, his head doing a complete 180: WE COULD LIVE

michael: oh no

david: FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

michael: oh my god

david: BUT IF I HURT YOU

michael: YOU DIDN'T EVEN—

david: I'D MAKE WINE

michael: DAVID—

david: FROM YOUR TEARS

michael: DAVID IT'S JUST A BRUISE—

marko and paul cut off david's mullet while he was napping and he was so mad he got dwayne to ground them

david may be the leader, but dwayne is the mom

he's also the physically oldest, because even though david was the first turned by max, dwayne was 21 when he was turned, while david was 19.

paul and marko were both 18 when they were turned, making them tied for youngest.

david likes pop music but hell will freeze over before he admits it to the other boys

david: babe i need to tell you something

michael: sure, what's up?

david: promise you won't freak out, okay?

michael: …okay…?

david: i

david: i like pop music

michael:

michael: i mean i kinda figured since you hum "the edge of forever" all the time

david: i do what now

marko once found one of david's "secret" tapes and david almost had a heart attack

marko: yo david why is there a go-go's cassette by the boombox

david, sweating bullets: haha no idea hahahaaaaaaaa

this ask is kinda long so feel free to answer this privately, but i came up with these last year and put em in a google doc that i add to every now and then. i hope you enjoy these as much as i do!

Honestly, I've got nothing to add to this. It is all amazing and brought a smile to my face, sincerely. Especially them being little thieves in the night. A whole-ass arcade machine, really, Makro? I love that!

Plus, David and Michael having silly little interactions. That will always have a soft spot in my heart. I'm a sucker for it, dude, truly. Even if that means David is singing pop music — I might have choked on my soda while reading that.

Thank you for sharing these with me, dude! 💙🤣

[thirstybtsthoughts]

Bunny I really need big sister advice here.

So, I'm in the bathroom and the door is locked, I went in to make some pleasure in this Tae professor fic I just read... and so I'm enjoying, as one would say, and then I search on twitter for bulges in suits coz thats a kink of mine and it kinda went with the taehyung professor theme... and so I'm scrolling and sprawled out with my hand in use, then my THIRTEEN year old sister says my name as she UNLOCKS THE DOOR WITH HER NAIL, AND straight up just strolls in and stares at me like a foot away. And in the panic, I closed my bare legs, sat there like I was peeing, and tried to not act suspicious.

I yell at her to stay out if the door is locked, and she gets mad at me and leaves. NO PRIVACY IN THIS HOUSE, SMH!!! But then I look down at my phone and realize I forgot something. I left my screen on. MY SCREEN ON. AS THERE'S SOME DUDE ON THE TIMELINE STROKING HIS BULGE,,, my eyes were scanning to make sure I hid everything that could look suspicious in under a second, so i couldn't see if she got a glimpse of it.

My sister is in this weird phase where she's hyper freaked out at anything that makes her think innapropriate thoughts. Idk, maybe its because she's going through puberty and it scares her because she doesn't like this new unknown thing (I was the same way when I was younger for some reason), and it also could be that we're in a very religious and conservative household, so she could be under some self-inflicted impression that its "dirty" or "wrong" to have innapropriate thoughts. But like... its the kid version of dirty. They don't even know what to think yet. For example, we don't watch aquaman anymore because she said to my mom that the shape of his pants makes her look there and it bothers her. This girl... *sigh*

So now I'm sitting here lowkey freaking out. I can't ask my mom to tell her to knock off just ENTERING THE LOCKED BATHROOMS whenever she wants, because then my mom would be like ??? Why is it bothering you extra??? And then she'd know thats usually where I'll go to have privacy so I can do things. I'm twenty years old.

So I tried to continue and refocus on the fantasy of professor Tae again when I was back alone, because I was literally just gonna climax when that scary interruption barged in. I was shaky and akward and felt exposed and so uncomfortable from it. And then my mom walks past, pounding on the door and giving me a heart attack. "Who's in the bathroom rn??" She shouts. Again, yanked my hand away, turned off my phone, and closed my legs JUST IN CASE. I weakly respond "me", and then I freaked out a little again, because my voice was kinda whimpery since I got close to climaxing again and had to panic and stop immediately.

My whole family is really comfortable and casual about just getting things when they need them from cubbords and stuff, but my sister doesn't even knock to ask if its alright. I swear, she does it just to bug me.

Gosh i'm getting off track.

Anyway, I'm scared that I scarred my sister, or if she's gonna hyperfixate and obsess about it in secret now. I don't want her to freak out more than she does. And I really don't want my mom to know that I'll occasionally watch things on my phone. She'll take it to "help me stop" probably, even if I'm a grown woman.

So like... any advice on how to adress this situation? I'm so sorry, I'm just so sick of this. There's NOWHERE I can have the full guarentee of privacy, not even my room. No locks on doors, everyone waltzes in because no one would think anyone is hiding something. but so far I've never been walked in on or caught until now. It felt exposing, even if she thought I was just using the bathroom, and I really didn't like it. I feel embarrased now, that could have gone so bad.

~ 🌸

Wow... I know privacy is hard when living with family but opening locked doors and walking into a bathroom when someone is inside?!... maybe it's a norm in some households, I don't know, but I do feel for you that you really do have no privacy at all.

About your sis - I'm sorry to say it but I kind of feel like she had it coming for walking in on you like that. She shouldn't have done it. Hopefully she didn't see your phone or anything, at 13 though, she's old enough to get a gist of what might have been happening. She will get past this phase of being uncomfortable with things like it, you went through it too, so you would know. I assume it's something she (and you) got from your upbringing around your family's conservative views. Try not to worry about her too much, she'll figure things out as she grows and learns more. If you really want to, you could talk to her about not walking in when people are using the bathroom, but that would involve the risk of her bringing up what she may have seen and thinking about it more. I don't know what else to say about it, it's how your family is, and I feel that if you were to bring up the topic of privacy in a conversation with them it would backfire on you as they would want to know why it's an issue and why you want more privacy.

Do you drive? Have a car? Maybe that's somewhere you could do it. I used to wait until there was no one home and then use those few rare times to play with myself. Otherwise I just restrained from doing so. I never really properly explored myself until I was 27 and moved out though. I also never had privacy, I shared a room when I was at home, have a big family, and our bathroom is too echoey for anything and there's always someone walking by 😭. So I get the no privacy thing. Another thing is to wait until the dead of night when you know they're all asleep, but I know thats risky as every sound at night feels loud af 😩. Your only other option may be to move out...but that's a big step to take just for the sake of being able to masturbate in peace. It's your choice how to handle things, you know your family best. 💜💜💜

[queer-as-frikc]

My coming out story is weird, it gets a lil transphobic so tw near the end tw long post too

So, pretty much throughout my time growing up through elementary school and half of middle school, i grew up in a white middle class area. I didnt know about the LGBTQ+ or anything other than what I saw, which was white people and an occasional poc. Eventually I had to move and I ended up in a super diverse area, and ended up becoming best friends with this person (they are ftm now so imma use the right pronouns but they were f when this story mostly takes place) he told me all about things I didnt know, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and that he was pan, and it was new information so just like any 13 year old learning new things, I questioned myself, I questioned if I could like the same sex or not or possibly more.

Sadly, drama happened between my best friend, his girlfriend and I, so thing got a little weird. But there was a time in winter, when he was off that relationship for more than a month and he said he'd like to date me, and I really thought about it before hand and said yeah, I couldnt tell you how happy I was to have this experience.

I told my mom that night, in a round about way cuz I was nervous, "Hey mom, what if I liked girls?" She told me she doesnt think that I do, because I always expressed feelings for guys, and when I tell her I didnt really understand what being gay was when I was younger, I didn't really know it was a possibility. She snapped at me and said, "Unless you are willing to kiss a girl and do the other stuff, you arent gay at all."

Eventually I have a sit down conversation with her, about how confusing this all was and how I wish I knew how I felt, and so on. She said she had a similar questioning phase but it never stuck so she doesnt think I am.

Like a month later I figure it out and dude that was so gratifying. I came out as bi to my mom, who just dismissed the whole thing, but I was terrified to tell my uncle (it's a long story about that, no it's not "sweet home Alabama") because he always said bi's were wh*res so yeah. I ended up telling him, and he goes, "You know my opinion on it but that doesnt mean that I'll disown you or anything." Btw the relationship (dating wise) with my best friend after he came out as ftm because he went back to his ex, it's all cool tho.

So that was that, or so I thought. It was my first year of high school, and I finally really understood the definition of pan, what was holding me back though was the trans experience, I thought because I didnt know what it was like, I couldnt be pan, even though I didnt have a preference, turns out it just means you like people no matter their gender and it like, clicked finally so yeah. I've told my family about that since but I a similar reaction: my mom said she doesnt think I am and she lectured me on my generation having so many labels and how she hated it. My uncle said he appreciated that I was pan more than me being bi which confused me but he just had a better view of pansexual than bisexual. (I explained to both of them what the difference was but idk man)

I believe it was my second year of high school when I really started to question my gender, and that was mostly because I saw a video of what gender dysphoria looks like if it's not that strong and you arent aware for ftm. So like wearing bagging clothes all the time, always wearing sports bras, and practically no other bra, feeling really good if someone accidentally calls you sir, etc. And I was like, oml it's me. But it wasnt, I didnt find that out until later tho. So, with my friend group, I find a name that seems to fit me well and ask them to address me by it and he/him pronouns, as like a test of sorts. (All of my friends are gay in some way so it was cool) In the end tho, I got a little iffy about the whole thing and wouldnt ever correct them at times or it was just off for me. I felt really bad because I thought that they might have thought that I was just trying to force myself to be more like them, but I wasnt, i still felt bad though and kinda dropped it.

I'm not sure 100% how I figured it out tho, but I remember talking to my best friend (not the same one from middle school, they were my best friend as well but they arent the same person) about the whole experience and I believe they brought up the idea of genderfulid, and I was like :0.... what that. They explain it, you go aall over the gender spectrum, some days you might feel like a boy, others you might feel like you have no gender, some days you might feel like your gender is something completely weird and different, that's just what it is. And I was like, "It fits but like, I barely feel femme at any point in time, maybe like once a year." And they tell me, that's ok and stuff as long as my gender just decides to be a completely weird and went all over the place, it counted, so I was like, "I finally figured it out!!!" And i was so happy.

Then came the time I was comfortable enough to tell my parents. I had been using the label genderfuild for over half a year already and I thought that it was what I was so it was ok to tell them. I saw how ok me being gay went, so I was nervous but not as nervous as I should have been, probably. I told my mom first, she went on a similar rant of her no liking my generations labels and such, but it went fine, I explained it, I thought I was through, I thought I was fine, apparently not. One day I'm in the shower and I hear my mom being very expressive with what ever shes talking about to my uncle, which is fine, she needs someone to vent to sometimes. When I get out though, and I can here her clearly, I hear sees complaining about what I told her recently, that I'm genderfulid, but instead of saying that, she only says I want to be a boy. (Oh no) So shes complaining to him, asking why I cant be more like her and just be a masculine girl and be fine, why do I have to fit in with the crowd of my generation to feel special, why cant I just be fine with who I am now? Etc.

The sad thing is, that night, I was going out shopping for pants and underwear with my uncle because I needed some and I wore men's pants already at that point, because they are more durable, and stuff so I knew it was gonna be a long ride. My mom was snippy with me that whole night, just the entire time which sucked.

When we finally left to go get clothes though, I didnt know it could get worse. My uncle lectured me about how that's just my generations fad, and how his was making tattoos and piercings ok in the work place and mine is being trans a gay and all that crap, and that I'm just trying to fit in, I'm not being myself, no matter how much I chop myself up and cut my hair and take hormones my chromosomes will never change and so I can never be an actual guy. He also said that I would bring just more attention to myself being a woman who does guy things rather than try and be one, and he thinks I'm doing this all for attention. I was mad but silent at this point, I didnt want to cause anything to happen. He ended up asking me, "So did you pick a different name?" I was surprised but I said yeah, and my friends were using it and it seemed to fit better. He asked me what it was and fear over took my body. I told him, "I'll only tell you if you dont use it against me if your mad." He says, "i cant promise that." And then gets mad because I wont tell him. Though I do, because I feel obligated since hes buying me clothes. To be even more confusing, he buys me guys underwear, and undershirts along with the predetermined pants he promised me and now I'm so confused.

But it gets even worse. When we get home, my mom freaks out on him because be bought me all that mens stuff and she said he was encouraging my behavior and stuff, he defended with it's just clothes, and yah it is. Eventually things settle down, obviously my mom isnt talking to be, but that's for the best at this point. I'm in the living room with my uncle and he just then starts harassing me with questions like, how do you know? he asks. "Well, I just feel that way, same as you." I say. But why do you wanna be a guy? he asks. "I dont wanna be a guy, it's just weird that way. Also it's not me being a guy, it me being many more than that," I say. He says that's bullsh*t. I offer to show him videos that better explain what trans is and how it's an actual sciencey thing and stuff but he said he wont take a video because he wants me to say it. And then he just goes off, saying the name I picked out shows how self centered I am because I am selfish, he kept asking me if i liked to fight, to catch and play with bugs, to be strong, to be angry all the time, and all these stereotypes for men and I just left, and went to bed. He wasnt going to listen to me, so there wasnt a point to me staying.

But, it gets worse. The morning comes and I'm awoken by the slam of my door by my uncle and the laughter of my mom. My uncle starts being really aggressive and starts cleaning my room, I only have clothes on the floor mostly so that's all it was, but he starts saying, well if you're gonna be a man, imma start training you like one, the man of the house picks up after everyone, the man of the house does everything he can to help the house run smoothly, the man of the house has to be strong, and all that stuff. (Which I thought was funny because he was "the man of the house" yet I did everything, and still do. I clean up most after him, funny huh.) And, I know what's happening and so I stay in bed, I don't want this to happen. But I literally get ripped out of my bed by my uncle and get told to stop being a little b*tch and a brat because I'm being selfish by my mom and I'm yelled at to sit in the living room and wait while my uncle cleans my room. When hes done hes starts lecturing me and being all aggressive and in my face. He keeps asking me a million questions with the tone that he didnt care so I knew he wouldn't listen. Eventually, him and my mom leave, I'm told to stay there until I get back. When they do get back, they act like everything is fine, nothing happened between them and I and it's just been so hard for me to talk to them about that since.

I'm greatful that I dont have to deal with that anymore but every time something that that is brought up with my family, I panic so much now. I'm fine and I'm safe but it was very traumatic for me. And uh, thanks for listening.

hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. this was just. so heartbreaking. noone deserves to have a person like your uncle in their life. im so sorry you had to go through all of that. i hope you’re in a much better place now <3 (also i loveeddd reading about how you figured it out) =)

again, tysm <3

[toddhowardhateclub]

O this is gonna belong but when i worked at pour boys i had a lot of dudes hit on me but the worst one was this one guy, derek. he came in one day and we start talking and i was like "oh i like your hair!" because it had blue in it and then we started talking because he had a zelda wallet and of course i go fuckin wild for the legend of zelda. This was apparently a mistake, because this dude would constantly show up ALL THE FUCKING TIME everytime i was on the clock. he would come in like 3 times a day sometimes and bug the shit out of me. At some point we're talking about something, i can't remember what. Zelda or something. and he says he would enjoy hanging out with me, like just going to the movies or something. And i'm like, oh maybe lol idk. Like a day later he comes in while me n ty are working and he's talking to us, he asks to borrow a pen and paper so of course i give him a pen and some paper. A few mins pass and we're all kinda talking and he's like, aight i'm going now. So i'm talking to ty and doing some bullshit while i think derek and his friend are leaving, and dude straight up sneakily and quickly throws a folded up piece of paper onto my counter. I'm like tf is this. I open it and it's his fucking phone number lmao. Ty's going wild because he thinks it's funny and i'm like "god i hate this guy, why." I don't text him because it's obvious what his intentions are. Like a day later he comes in when me and ty are there, doesn't mention it, then comes in again later when he knew i'd be working the night by myself and brings it up like "did you get my paper??" and i'm like "yeah man i just- i got a boyfriend, so i mean.." and i could tell he was upset abt this and was like ":) oh nah it's cool i just thought we could like be friends. I'm kinda done with dating anyways lol" i can tell he's lying so i still do not text him. A week or some passes and i'm telling a guy i work with, chris, abt derek being fucking weird and he's like "yeah i can't fucking stand him. He came in here yesterday asking abt you and what i thought abt you" and then he told me that apparently he was going around asking all my male coworkers what they thought abt me and then telling them i was hot and he wanted to fuck me. i'm uncomfortable and mad abt this, so everytime he comes in i act super distant and annoyed and at some point he stops trying to talk to me as much. but then he gets hired to work there again, he's there for my last day and the whole time he's up my ass bugging the shit out of me and trying to be funny and impress me and i'm not having it but i kinda just deal with it since i'll never have to again. Anyways i'm pretty sure he only reapplied because i was working there because he found out i was leaving and then quit the day after i left lmao

[queen-mabs-revenge]

I think I would have preferred #nospoilers. I'm not even mad he avoided my question. I'm more annoyed that he tried to sell me such an obvious and blatant lie when the evidence was, like you said, RIGHT THERE IN THE TRAILER.

No seriously, I’ve been thinking about this. Because I mean...OK he obviously enjoys twitter, but wants to maintain this level of distance from the spec/meta interactions. And I guess all of this is fairly new, and he probably didn’t go into the whole social media thing with a game plan. How do you juggle that at this point?

It would almost be more beneficial to the whole situation if he put in a strict no meta interaction policy? Like if you don’t want to play with hints and spoilers, if you’re really that hardlined about it, then just be strict about it and stick to it? It’s the kind of vacillation that causes the drama, because he might give a hint to some people, and then others will ask and he’ll be all #nospoilers and ppl take the coy answers too seriously anyway. Like idk, I’m not going to police him, he can do whatever the fuck he wants regardless of how ill-advised i think it might be, but it’s just rough to try and play this line that doesn’t really exist and then get all snippy and weird when the reactions are negative?

And again, it’s just the media outlook at the mo, too -- shit thrives on the latest scoop, so it’s not like they’re going to be able to go into an interview and play the zipped-lip game. I don’t know, man.

Like I’m obviously hyper-critical of the two of them and how they’ve chosen to write the story, and I think that watching his twitter feed descend into flames is actually kind of amusing to lurk and watch, but at the same time, man, this social media thing is hard. Keeping up hype especially if you have the very definite conception that you want your audience to learn the story during the moment of primary narration is a really weird place to be in as a creator.

IDK, I’m going way off topic and I legit have zero point to make here, but it’s really a weird-ass time to be a creator and they’re interacting with fandom on the cusp of this weird breakdown of fan-creator barriers to vastly varying degrees of success. And we’re a part of this experiment as well, and it’s rough from the fan perspective, too.

But objectively it is kind of fascinating. This conversation would never even be a theory as little as 10 years ago! Like IDK I think that as we go on, we’re going to see a lot more savvy handling of social media to give a bit of breathing room to creators and actors. 

IDK why, but I’m thinking of the Blair Witch Project -- that was coming out right as the internet was becoming A Thing, and it was such a clever way of dealing with the idea that people would be looking to find stuff out on this new resource of information? By playing with the medium to control the narrative even further, while allowing fans to feel that level of increased interaction that the internet promises, the film itself was enhanced, and the narration was preserved?

Like could you imagine if they did official social media accounts for the characters? Obviously it would take a team to run and to be in contact with a&e/the writers to know what could be revealed by the characters or not, but like an official RP twitter group where people could exorcise their interaction bugs but everything was kind of stepped back a skoch?

Imagine if they released “set pics” but of the hints that they wanted to be released? Like a “candid” shot of the back of a dude in a uniform sitting at a bar and you could see the prosthetic hand? Like ‘IDK I SPOTTED THIS GUY...ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?’. OK, that was silly, but you get what I’m saying.

Like, there are so many ways that this social media thing could be played while having fun, instead of it being so fraught and weird, but this is so new and as much as I LOL at how shit Adam is at twitter sometimes, it is all just being sussed out and I think this iteration of fan/medium interaction is definitely going to change bc it’s a fucking disaster area rn.