#dude i'm all mushy today idk

[shaylogic]

Underrated Payneland quote (from Charles to Edwin):

Believe it or not, mate--you're properly missable.

au where he says "Believe it or not, mate--you're properly kissable."

[folkinsomnia]

thoughts on 1989 TV?

I've not yet actually listened to the whole thing because of life hectic-ness, namely foot surgery that has made fun things like Consuming Music I Love suck a lot. So I'm listening all the way through today while I do some scanning for work! This is gonna be a sort of "live react" stream of consciousness thing that I'll ideally edit before bombarding you with my Thoughts :-)

In general, everything sounds so much crisper and I am LIVING

I've always been kinda meh towards style aside from the last chorus, but there's something sooo much better about style tv!! Haven't listened to the OG 1989 in ages, so I'd need to compare to really explain it (and it might be obvious, but I'm not the greatest at remembering the little details from pre-reputation albums bc rep was my first as a a Fan™️)

Her matured and vastly improved vocals are to die for and have been throughout the ~taylor's version~ journey. MWAH!

OOTW is already a gorgeous song, but tv is, again, just so...!!!!!

AYHTDWS is already one of my favorites, so the rerecording has me EMOTIONAL it's so beautiful. Hold me I listened twice (which I consider a sin on full listen-throughs of albums, though I AM a horrid sinner, so)

I still hate shake it off, but this one's much better. Milder hate, more like distaste now, sort of like a mushy thing on the bottom of my shoe instead of the bottom of my sock

IWYW makes me sprint thru the streets at 5 AM even with my recently removed stitches owie

WHAT IS THE SECRET SAUCE HERE?? Do the drums sound better? Idk!

I know bad blood is considered cringey but listen. It's also so fun and the cringe makes us free. Maybe the harmonies on the chorus have more parts?? Gdi i need to do one to one comparisons with all of these. Already salivating over the Kendrick Lamar version at the end of the album I'm excited for him

It's official that 1989 tv has made me really like songs I've been ambivalent or mildly positive towards (like style and wildest dreams now), so that's like actually huge imo

Everything is so pretty! (I'm half asleep now help I'm at WORK)

I Know Places is one of those TS songs I rarely listen to and then I listen and am like "why the fuck aren't I listening to this one daily" and IKP tv has me feeling that More Intensely

Clean is yet another fave and clean tv makes my very soul tremor. Don't look at me for a week

Wonderland continues to be a fucking transcendental experience that electrocutes my spinal column <3 the bridge is even MORE earth-shattering than it was in the original. please see my original thoughts from 4.5 years ago

these feelings re: Wonderland still stand and always will

The first chord of YAIL kind of sounds like the first chord of Give Great Thanks by Dorian Electra lmao

Still not crazy about YAIL but the lyrics and the ****** lore...phew!

New Romantics tv is suuuch a good example of how gorgeous tayla's lower register has gotten. It's so much richer and I guess more well supported?

I've heard that Slut! is actually emotional af...not ready

"I might as well be a joke in love" HOO BOY I SEE NOW WHAT FOLKS HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT

"Got lovesick all over my bed" is SO !!!!!!

Okay yeah Slut! is so fucking good

Say Don't Go has me reeling. I can see why it didn't make the final cut (she is just a little too unlike her brethren to the point that, imo, she wouldn't fit well into the original album as well as the songs that made it do), but it's soooo ggoooooOOOD!!! It gives me almost like...cousin of 1989 and Lover and Midnights vibes?

Now That We Don't Talk...!!!! These vault songs fucking rule, dude.

The end of NTWDT 🤝 Mastermind??

The I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it ⏩️ I broke his heart 'cause he was nice pipeline and how it rejects the continuation of a cycle of passivity while simultaneously continuing the emotional burden carried by women in their relationships!! And also a cycle of cruelty! These are half-baked thoughts but they ARE thoughts I'm having!! An english degree was wasted on me because my textual analysis skills are still so juvenile,,

Is It Over Now Boo From Fleabag Moment

I WAS RIGHT THE KENDRICK LAMAR BAD BLOOD VERSION IS SO FUCKING AJGKDHAGXGBX AHHHHHH (dats me yellin)

[sophroniaa]

Perfectly Lovable

(just quickly wanted to say a huge thank you for the love on "Admiring", it honestly means the world to me. 🖤 & aaaalso, this might turn into a two parter if you like it?? idk)

Word count: 1,3k

Trigger warnings: Mentions of alcohol, being hungover

You wake up the next day, hungover to say the least, trying to deny the real reason as to why you got so drunk in the first place.

It had struck later in the afternoon and you were sitting in the backyard with Rook, enjoying the afternoon sun before it would set and the degrees would start dropping for the night. You had all been having a lazy day. A few of the guys even just starting to come back to life after last night's party. It hadn't been too long since you'd gotten out of bed yourself, feeling too hungover to move. Your thoughts wandered back to the night before, trying to remember what had happened past midnight… you came to the conclusion that the night could be rounded up very easily, as you'd been way too drunk since most of the night came up as a thick fog. The throbbing headache only proving your mental point further.

"It's been a while since I drank that much…" You mumbled to Rook, which only gained a snort in return. "Tell me about it." He chuckled as an answer to your statement, also thinking back to the events of the night before. "Have to say you took me by surprise when you challenged me to a tequila race." He said after a few seconds of silence, the images from the night before playing clearly in his mind. 

The new information caused you to push your sunnies further down your nose to look at him, eyeing his facial expressions trying to see if he was fucking with you. You covered your face with your hands in slight embarrassment when you realized he wasn't. "No fucking wonder we feel like absolute shit today." You said shaking your head, no longer finding the aching body & foggy memories strange.

"Don't think I've ever seen you that drunk." He stated before taking another sip of his pedialyte. You leaned over and took the plastic bottle from him before taking a gulp of your own. A grimace quickly spreading across your face once the taste hit your tastebuds, holding out the bottle to read the flavor.

"Euw, you willingly drink the mixed fruit flavor?" You exclaimed, more than happy to give him the bottle back.

He burst out laughing at your reaction. "So you're able to down multiple shots of tequila with a straight face but pedialyte gets you?" He teased, smirking so big that his eyes squinted a little.

"Shut up asshat…" You mumbled before offering him a playful smile.

"You seen Kells today?" You asked instead, not sure if you dare hear anything else about your drunken state from the night before. You leaned your head back, letting the sunshine rest on your tired face.

Rook only shook his head in response. You could see from the corner of your eye that he sneaked a peek at you trying to read your feelings. "So…" He started to say before falling quiet, like he was debating whether or not to bring it up. "We gonna talk about why you got so fucked up last night?"

You leaned your head back again to enjoy the warmth of the sun whilst hiding away behind your dark sunglasses. "I'm good, Rookie." You said flatly, knowing exactly what he was trying to get at. "Not like I haven't seen him with other girls before."

Not like you hadn't seen him with other girls before wishing it was you in their place.

"I'm just saying… Even an idiot would connect the dots, he brings over his "new girl" & you, who normally don't drink much, gets absolutely trashed."

"That's not why!" You protested.

"Oh yeah, then why did you get so drunk?" He was quick to ask. "Enlighten me." His voice letting you know just how much he believed you, which would be about approximately zero procent. Deep inside, you knew you were crushing so incredibly hard on Colson. It was just easier pretending like you didn't. The palms of your hands would start to sweat just by the simple thought of actually telling him. You could only imagine standing right before him trying to explain the situation, to you that sounds like nothing but a bulletproof plan for a break down.

This caused you to sit in silence for a while, trying to come up with something smart to say… Reaching for anything, really. So far you'd been doing a horrible job at trying to convince him. To be fair, you were probably the one needing the convincing. However it fooled neither of you, no matter how hard you tried to deny stuff. When you came up shorthanded you sighed loudly, signaling that he'd won this time around as well.

Fuck models, switch condoms. You felt your heart thug a little, thinking about the constant variation of girls in his life. As of right now he was seeing a brunette model that you honestly couldn't remember the name of, not too long before that it had been a blonde.

You hated it.

How they would stride into his life chasing that bad boy fantasy, wanting a taste of the exciting celebrity world, being MGK's center of attention for a short while.

Something you hated even more was how they knew exactly what they got themselves into, only to become disappointed when he immediately didn't change his ways and grant their wishes by becoming a whole other person for them.

"You've got that look on your face again." Rook pointed out only to sigh dramatically when he realized you'd slipped deep in thought about Colson, again.

"Sorry, what?" You sat up, straightening out in your seat, coming back to reality after he had nudged your leg with his.

"I said, you've got that look on your face again." Rook repeated. You looked at him dumbfounded.

"You get a bothered look on ya face when you think of the constant switching of girls." Rook explained in a matter of factly tone. Trying to even out your furrowed forehead with his thumb to further prove his point. You were quick to shake your head.

"It's not that… " You said while hating how well he could read you, always knowing exactly what's on your mind. Part of you knew there really was no point in denying it, he could read you like a book at this point. In a desperate attempt at keeping your mouth shut you started to chew on the insides of your cheek, but unfortunately it didn't take long before you spoke again.

"I just hate how they exactly know what they're getting themselves into and yet still have the nerves to act disappointed, demanding this and that, ultimatums left and right… " You mumbled, picking at your nails. "Leaving him to blame it all on himself thinking he's a complicated man to love."

When in reality it was the complete opposite, perfectly lovable the way he is. He was in no way complicated if you saw him for who he was instead of trying to change him into what you thought best fit. Understanding how the things he had been through shaped him into his whole existence. He still had his struggles, but who doesn't? He put on a tough act a lot of the time, acting like nothing could get to him, sometimes even talking a big game, sure thing, but underneath all that was a mushy lil' Colson. A side to him he wouldn't show to just anyone, you had to connect with him. Vibe with him. Almost like he needed to make sure your intentions were good before he could let his walls down a little. He wasn't just an angry guy, shouting into the microphone at an impressive pace. There was so much more to him than the established MGK image.

Never had you met a more genuine or kind-hearted guy, so naturally your heart ached when you oh so clearly could see people taking advantage of that.

Bitches, news flash, this ain't build-a-man factory.

"Dude, just fucking tell him already!" Rook exclaimed, clearly becoming impatient with how you acted like you only saw him as a good friend. "You the type of girl he should be with. These toxic models ain't doing him no good."

"Someone to date him for who he really is, shows him patience and acceptance. Understands his issues and encourage him to get better." He saw the hint of uncertainty spreading across your face as he talked. "Stop that, I honestly think that equals you." He said, putting his palm on the left side of his chest. "You just need a little encouragement to get over your nerves." He teased.

You couldn't help but smile at Rook's encouraging words, loving how he always rooted for you no matter what. You reached your arms out to embrace him in a big hug, a way of showing your appreciation towards him. "Everyone needs a Rook in their life." You mumbled into his chest.

[westcoastgirl421]

Post Date Anxiety

OKAY! lets check in with myself. I thought Allan and I had a really good date. It seemed like it went well but I haven't heard from him, like not a peep, it's going on 4 days now. I sent him a text last evening but nothing. I dunno man. I don't like this. even though we had a good connection it is kind of a deal breaker for me, the lack of communication. I really like to communicate and discuss things and just be close with someone mentally. I guess Kal definitely had this quality and that is something I really loved. I like feeling close. I don't know what this guy Allan is playing at, saying multiple times that we should hang out again sometime... I guess he is just content doing his own thing. I am having a really hard time just being okay and concentrating on work and also on that new job application. My brain is just mushy. I am trying not to be neurotic but I am getting pulled and I am losing myself. I felt better before meeting him actually. I don't like this feeling. I am not feeling good about it and it is because of his lack of communication. I guess if he liked me he'd of contacted me. I think we had a great connection. The soulful eyes and just so many things I did like about him but I am actually losing interest now. I guess I could try and talk to him about it "if" we meet again. I just need more... MORE.... maybe more than he could give me. IDK.... I am kind of feeling frustrated and confused. I think if I'm feeling confused it's not a good sign. He hasn't texted me, maybe he's thinking too hard about things. ugh... It's playing with my head. Next time I don't think I'll wait that long to meet because I started thinking wrong things and getting attached too soon. FFS, it's all good. Fuck this honestly. It's not right for me. I don't want to feel like this.

I want to feel happy and free, I want to feel secure and loved and reassured. I want communication every day. I don't want to feel like confused like I don't know what's going on. I don't want to force anyone to do anything. I guess if we do end up meeting again I could tell him this. I am so confused though. He is old anyways. I can find someone closer to my age... who's TALLER hahah okay I am maybe too mean too.... I can be really mean. And judgy, but I am working on this. RADIO SILENCE EH okay... well fk you dude. I gotta move on maybe block you LOL oh god I am so confused and I shouldn't be if it was right. How many of these thoughts are toxic? Probably a lot.... here I am just toxicly waiting.... TOXICLY WAAAAAAAAAAAITINGGGGG LOL I feel better today, last couple days I have felt sad. But why? I've only known this person a couple months. Better to find out now and just move on instead of feeling shittay.... I just blocked him.