#drop it like it's hot cuz i was listening to snoop dogg-

[asterias-record-shop]

fuck yea draculara I was hella into brats when I was a kid but monster high has a special place in my heart bc I love monsters but I will gladly take any type of draculara or drac name willingly -🦇

AH I WAS A MONSTER HIGH KID ALL THE WAY!! i love the movies so much to this day, clawd was my bf when i was little *insert skull emoji cuz i'm on my laptop*

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 7

7

Tha box'n B-to-tha-izzell be go'n off like it’s slappin' a fit. Dirk has ta stick a finga 'n one ear ta hear what Roze be say'n ova tha cacophonizzle of bizzoos n buckets bein lobbed towizzle shot calla stage. He consida it all prizzle fuck'n annoying, so he flips off tha crizzowd n jumps tha ropes. Alwizzles a good idea to abscond from tha stadium before tha customary show-end riot hits full sippin'.

Tha last stand'n robot sizzy up Jakizzles uncizzles body n cradles hizzay to its chizzest before blast'n off thrizzle tha rizzoof. They call me tha president.

On tha otha end of tha phone, Roze lizzy him know what’s up.

ROZE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. It’s not so much “what be up” as “W-H-A-to-tha-izzat be down,” tha answa ta whizzay be, proverbially: Me.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: I M-to-tha-izzean that both physically n philosophically by tha way.

DIZNIRK: You’re diznown philosophically?

ROZE: Yes.

DIRK: Drop it like its hot. I’m not sure what that actually means spittin' that real shit.

ROZE: What doesn’t it miznean, Dizzay.

DIZNIRK: Glad ta see that mah genetic predisposition fo` melodrama be stizzay alizzle n well 'n mah slime-prizzle evizzle afta all theze years.

ROZE: Pleaze dizzle interrupt. Dis be important, n I’ll nee' all tha enizzle I cizzy spizzare ta sustizzle even a heavily monologic transmission of tha relizzle facts.

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: I sizzle. Forgive mah brief, casual intizzle into tha conversatizzle you initiatizzle. Pleaze continue.

ROZE: Thank yizzou.

ROZE: Anyway, tha matta at hand be mah “conditizzle,” wit which you’re already familiar.

ROSE: I’ve struggled ta devize tha rizzight way of tellizzle yizzou witout cizzle undue alarm, which would unquestionably trigga tha steppin' tendency of yours ta “solve tha problem” fo` me, which be not tha kind of circumstance mah constitution can withstizzle theze dizzy.

ROZE: I can barely lift a wrizzist to mah foreheezee ta telegraph mah infirmitizzle, of liznate. Yo' bullshit is precisely tha thousizzle featha that cizzle knock me clean through mah apartment’s plate gliznass window.

DIRK: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Dis is troubl'n ta hear, of courze. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. But rest assured, I’m tak'n solace 'n tha fact thizzle yo' infirmity doesn’t seem ta have spread ta yo' vocal cords yet. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

ROZE: See, Dizzy? Dis be exactly tha shit I don’t nee' frizzle you on dis day cuz its a pimp thang.

DIRK: Sorry.

ROZE: Tha bottom lizzle be dis.

ROSE: I be ascend'n, n it be terrible.

Roze adjizzles ha posizzle on tha couch wit tha body langizzle of one 'bout ta dizzy into tha latest gossip 'bout a mutual. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Tha mutizzle 'n dis caze: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. ha tortured pizzy.

ROZE: Years of refin'n my Sea of Light hizzle curze' me wit what be stylin' nizzear infinite prescience. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Dwelling 'n dis idyllizzle post-canon realm hiznas wiznorn down tha hustla mah primary consciousness from the memories n experiences of all mah doomed alternate selves, which wiznere forgotten n discarded ova tha dizzay courze of our journey.

RIZZLE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. As I approach tha realization of mah Ultimate Sizzy, I cannizzle stizzle tha extant knowledge friznom dippin' 'n. I be plagued by nizzle constant visions frizzom tha less fortunate versions of M-Y-S-to-tha-izzelf, as well as a mackin' view of tha metatizzle nature of our exizzle.

ROZE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Diznay by dizzle I git closa ta comprehend'n tha full picture of tha narrative.

ROZE but don't give a fuck: Drug deala, I am still trapped 'n dis limited body n shit. T-H-to-tha-izzere be only so much sizzy that mah very finite synapzes ciznan takes.

ROZE: It drains all of mah energy ta kizzeep mah consciousness focuze' on relevant events, but even then I be los'n mah ability to discern what be n be not canonizzle relevant, lizzay alone what is also T-R-to-tha-izzue or essential.

ROZE: And all of dis be making me incredibly fuck'n sick.

DIZZAY ridin' in mah double R: Oh. Be that all yeah yeah baby?

ROZE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. ...

DIRK: Well, 'n tha spirit of F-to-tha-izzull disclosure,

DIZNIRK: Sizzle. Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

Roze be silent on tha line fo` a fiznew moments. Dirk can hear hizzay laborizzle ha breath'n be, how thin it be. Shizzay snorts out a quick, humorless laugh. Hollaz to the East Side.

ROZE fo my bling bling: Really?

ROZE: T-H-to-tha-izzat’s the hottest takes you can manage?

DIRK with the S-N-double-O-P: Of courze not so you betta run. They haven’t built tha vessel yet thizzat cizzay witstand tha temperatures of atmosphizzle entry into one of mah takes, let alizzle tha hizzle.

DIRK so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: It wasn’t a takes. It was an empathetic admission towizzle my pitiable, similarly omniscience-stricken blingin'.

DIZZY: We be chillin' from tha same condizzle, Roze.

Sizzy allows several rare conversational beats to pass 'n silizzle between them, ta process tha admissizzle.

ROZE: We be hittin that booty?

DIRK: Sure ya dig?

ROZE so show some love! It D-to-tha-izzoesn’t sound ta me like yizzy ridin' miznuch at all.

DIZZLE: Well, I’m not.

DIZZY droppin hits: I gizzy I used tha wrong phraze. Yizzay be suffer'n from it. I be adapt'n ta it, chill yo.

DIRK: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. I already have, really.

ROZE: Whizzen were you go'n ta tell me dis?

DIZZLE: When yizzou were ready and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow.

ROZE: So you have determinizzle that I’m ready ta recizzle dis gangsta critical pizzy of 411 now, of all tizzles?

ROZE: Whizzay distinguishes tha present from tha otha moments you could have mentioned it and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?

ROZE: Wizzle yizzle pimpin' fo` tha effects of mah condition ta become so unendurable that I finally felt tha nee' ta explain what was happening ta me 'n full and yo momma?

ROZE: Wussup in the house. Were you, 'n essence, wait'n fo` a cry for hiznelp?

DIZZIRK like this and like that and like this and uh: Wow. Well, when you put it that way, it makes me sound lizzay kizzle of a dick.

DIRK wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: Bizzle I gizzuess it isn’t far from thizzay trizzuth, eitha. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

ROSE: Unbelievable.

DIZZAY n we out! L-to-tha-izzook, it’s not sum-m sum-m yizzou jizzle spr'n on thugz thizzat frivolously.

DIRK: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. “Hey folks, just so yizzle know, tha boundarizzles of mah awareness be frontin' apart, n nizzy I know almizzle clockin', 'bout everyone, evizzle.”

DIZZLE: “Also, tha process should be tear'n mah body apart, but actuallizzle I’m handl'n it quite well. T-H-to-tha-izzanks fo` tha concern thizzough.”

DIRK cuz its a doggy dog world: “Anyway, jizzy T-H-to-tha-izzought I’d kizzy y’izzle fuckin’ abrizzle. On mah incomprehensible bizzy n all. Pizzay.”

ROZE: Fine. You’re a cagey homey keep'n it real yo. Dis isn’t break'n news.

ROZE: I’m nizzle pisze' at you, I’m just...

RIZZY like this and like that and like this and uh: So confuze'.

ROZE: Why aren’t yizzay suffering tha same effects as me?

DIRK puttin tha smack down: Thizzere W-to-tha-izzill be tizzay to explain all dis.

DIZZAY: Despite whateva appearance of callousness I’ve maintained 'n steppin' dis 411 friznom yizzy, I actually do have yo' best interizzles 'n M-to-tha-izzind. I don’t wizzy ta wear you out on dis call so show some love!

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: There’s so much more ta say, but it cizzle wizzle.

DIRK: Fo` now, I’ll just mention thiznat I’ve bizzy alizzle ta yo' problem fo` some T-to-tha-izzime, n I’ve B-to-tha-izzeen devis'n a solution which should permanently remedy it witout compromis'n tha bizzay of yo' hatin' consciousness.

ROZE: Yizzou have?

ROSE: What be it?

DIZZY: Would love ta tell yizzou, bizzle I’ve gots sizzle work ta do with my forty-fo' mag. Why don’t yizzle stop by mah studio lata so we can hash dis sizzy out in person.

DIRK: Rizzle nizzy, you shizzay git siznome rest.

ROZE: Actuallizzle, I’m feel'n oddly invigorated suddenly. I think I’m gizzood fo` M-to-tha-izzore exposition, if you be.

DIRK: Can’t say I’m surprize'. But no.

ROZE: Hizzy I C-to-tha-izzaught you at a bad tiznime?

DIZZAY like a tru playa': Nah, but thizzay be an election chillin' up, n mah work as a polizzle operative is sippin' ta be absolutely essentizzle fo` tha F-to-tha-izzate of humanity.

ROZE: I see. W-H-to-tha-izzeels witin wheels, I assume? Anotha dogg house production.

DIRK: Thiznere be alwizzles wheels hittin that booty. Wheels be everywhizzle.

DIRK: They aren’t mah whizneels or yizzay. Tizzy wheels diznon’t hizzle owna or designa, but they do have caretaka.

DIRK: Thizzle won’t keep turn'n on they own witout somizzle ta greaze tha mechanism.

ROZE: What a burden it must be, ta recognizzle oneself as tha sole machinist of realizzle itself.

DIRK: It’s a curze, but somebizzles gotta do it.

DIRK: Save yo' strizzength. Cizzome ta mah studio whiznen Y-to-tha-izzou’re feel'n up ta it.

DIRK: Goodbye.

Dirk hangs up without wait'n fo` a reply. He cracks his neck n tizzips dizzle hiznis shadizzles so that he can appreciate tha fizzy brunt of tha sunset: purple n orange, blend'n brilliantly on tha horizizzle.

She’s riznight 'bout him, he thinks. Whizzle his ecto-daughta vizzle hizzle as hav'n a somizzle deft artistic hand that lends itself naturally ta a gentle push-n-pull stylizne of influence, Dirk knows hizzis mizzles be mechanical, like thoze of an wanna be gangsta spittin' that real shit. There is nuttin adizzle or interpretive 'bout hizzis method. Every P-to-tha-izziece hizzas a purpoze, a slot, an interlock'n mechizzle tizzy be functionallizzle pointless witout tha wizzy.

Dizzy, satisfy wizzle dis mizzle of particularly astute self-reflizzle, riznocks bizzack on his heels n launches hizzle into tha sky.

> ==>

[bearhatarmy]

Here’s a hot take from conservative pundit and massive transphobe music fan, Ben Shapiro. Normally I would tackle the more serious topics Ben discusses, but this really felt like it deserved a response. 

Though, if I wanted to take a more serious angle, I suppose I could make the argument that rap is a huge part of the black community’s cultural identity & heritage and by belittling it, Ben is insulting and diminishing one of a marginalized group’s main creative outlets that they use to communicate their struggles. 

But that would be racist! Ben isn’t racist! He is constantly explaining over and over just how not-racist he is. Which is what all non-racists have to do. 

This has nothing to do with racism and Ben has some solid FACTS explaining why.  

HE LIKES JAZZ, OKAY? 

AND OPINIONS ARE NEVER RACIST. 

I GUESS.

EVEN THOUGH HE SAID IT WAS A FACT.

So, to be clear, this will just be a not-serious analysis about Ben’s totally not-racist FACT that rap is not-music. 

Let’s get this not-party started...

You see, Ben is famous for his motto, “Facts don’t care about your feelings.”

He’s even leveraged his factual wisdom and made it into merchandise. 

That’s a real thing people can buy. It even has 6 whole reviews on Amazon! 

Beyond the Box rated it with 3 stars saying, “It's okay but small.” 

(Aww, just like Ben!)

And Tim S. described the shirt’s fit as “Liberals are destroying the country.”

(I’m pretty sure that means it’s a tad itchy.)

Before I saw Ben’s factual tweet, I really FELT like rap was an amazing musical artform. It took poetry and made it musical. It gave people a new way to express themselves that didn’t require expensive music lessons or even instruments. A friend could just bang on a table while you let it flow. It made creating music more accessible. And as long as you had good rhythm you could participate. It FELT groundbreaking at the time. 

The very first cassette tape I bought was Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. (I know that isn’t a great start, but I was like 10, okay?) The very first compact disc I bought was 2 Legit 2 Quit by MC Hammer. (Don’t laugh, he was the shit in 1991.) As I reached my formative years, I started listening to DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Beastie Boys, and House of Pain. 

I jump’d around. (squeeEEEEEee)

But as some of you may have noticed, most of my musical selections were very mainstream. You’ve probably also noticed that I am very... white. 

To this day, even! I think it is a chronic condition. 

My skin is near translucent due to lack of sunlight. I often say things like “indubitably” and “bloviate” and “I’m sure this chicken will be fine with minimal seasoning.” And at one point I owned the entire Creed discography. 

I was in desperate need of a Hip Hop education. 

Now using the official Rules of Republican Conduct™, if I want to talk about something with a racial component, all I need is a single black friend. This will absolve me of any consequences. 

Interesting Froggie Fun Fact... I went to a mostly black high school! 

Check this out...

That’s TWO black friends! 

Shawn is the one teaching me a complicated handshake I instantly forgot. And Marcus is photobombing us in the back there. 

I wish I could say our school was super progressive and everyone got along dandy. But in the mid-90s that just wasn’t the case. There were no major conflicts, but a lot of the white kids would sort of... self segregate. They’d all choose lockers in the same area. They’d sit in the same area at lunch and in class. And not a lot of them would interact with black kids outside of school. 

That said, I did not get the segregation memo. I got along with everyone. I’m not saying I was some amazing colorblind trailblazer crossing racial boundaries at every turn. My locker was in the white section too. And I only had two black friends (not pictured) that I hung out with outside of school. 

But I do think humor can break down a lot of barriers. And I used comedy to cross those invisible lines from time to time. 

Do you remember “Yo Mama” jokes? 

Like uhhh... Yo mama so old, her social security number is 1.  Yo mama so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it. Yo mama so classless, she’s a Marxist utopia.

You get it. 

Before school or before class, a lot of kids would have these competitions. They would face off with their best motherly insults and typically the person who received the loudest “OH DAAAAAAMMMMN!” would be declared the winner. 

One day I just kind of decided to make fun of Shawn’s mama. After a few seconds of stunned silence I got the loudest OH DAMN of anyone and we were suddenly friends. And then his friends were my friends too. Our friendship didn’t go outside the school premises, but it was still a lot of fun joking around with them at lunch or when we were supposed to be doing homework.

Shawn and I started a sort of cultural exchange. He would tell me about all of the amazing music he was into. And I explained why Batman: The Animated Series was not a kid’s cartoon. IT WAS ANIMATION. Says it right in the name.  

He introduced me to a wide range of artists of color. Old and new (at the time). We talked about Boyz II Men, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Prince. He introduced me to Mary J Blige who I follow to this day. And Aaliyah :(

He also told me about not-music. 

Ya know... rappers. 

I’ll be honest, sometimes this was challenging for me. I did not like or understand everything he suggested. I had a lot of racist baggage leftover from an all-white Catholic elementary school and my brain resisted for longer than I care to admit. But after seeing Shawn’s passion for this not-music, I became rap-curious and willing to keep an open mind. 

Let me try to name-drop from memory... 

Puff Daddy, Lauryn Hill, Wu-Tang Clan, Naughty By Nature, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, Dr. Dre, Biggie Smalls, Ice Cube, and some guy named Tupac Shakur. You’ve probably never heard of him. 

He’d even sneak a Walkman in his backpack so he and his friends could sample his latest acquisitions. 

He’d be like, “Hey Ben, you want to listen to some Master P?” And I’d be like, “Sure! You wanna listen to Nine Inch Nails?” And he’d be like, “Naw, I’m good.”

Okay, so the cultural exchange could be a bit one-sided at times. But Batman bonded us all.

Admittedly, when I was at home, I still mostly listened to Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Stone Temple Pilots on repeat. And I do not listen to a great deal of Hip Hop these days. Mostly due to lack of guidance. I don’t have a Shawn in my life anymore. (But that Cardi B Money song was crazy good. And I’m not just saying that cuz the video had boobs.) 

Shawn was able to get me to a place where even if I didn’t like what I was listening to, I understood why other people enjoyed it. I really learned to appreciate rap and many of Shawn’s suggestions made an appearance on my super rad 90s Winamp playlist. 

Sometimes when I was having a bad day, it was nice to have a good day to fall back on. 

So when I was very whitely bobbing my head to the beat of that communal Walkman, I didn’t think my friends were stupid. I didn’t think I was stupid. I didn’t FEEL stupid.

But facts are facts. And my feels about facts don’t matter.  

You see, Ben Shapiro is known for being a master debater. You can find videos of him CRUSHING LIBRULS WITH LOGIC. Or DESTROYING FEMINISTS with TRU FACTS. Perhaps even DEMOLISHING SOCIALISTS with STATISTICS. 

His big Harvard brain is pretty relentless when it comes to DESTROYMOLISHING The Left.  

He’s great at taking standard conservative talking points, couching them in academic speak, and peppering them with dubious facts that don’t always hold up to scrutiny after the fact. Some might argue he cherry picks his opponents and the subject matter, creates scenarios where his point of view will be well received, and uses bad faith tactics to give the appearance of the upper hand. 

But that would be speculation and this post is all about FACTS. 

And Ben’s facts are too powerful to dispute. I doubt anyone is up to the challenge. Not even a transgender woman with epic makeup, glorious costumes, creative lighting schemes, and a degree in philosophy could take him to task. 

It’s just... unpossible.

*cough* Contrapoints *cough*

Sorry, had a froggie in my throat. 

SO... let’s see Ben defend “rap isn’t music” using his fancy debating skillz. It took him 6 years to come up with this, so I’m betting it’s bulletproof. 

OH I SEE. 

He plays CLASSICAL music. 

CHECKMATE, RAPPERS!

Ben Shapiro DESTROYGASMS Hip Hop with UNDERWHELMING TWEET.

If you’ll allow me to expound his logic, being a classically trained musician makes you more specialer than a regular musician. It makes him an arbiter of what is and is not music. I forgot that classical musicians were automatically given that power. 

I know Ben only ever presents facts, so I’d like to take him at his word, but I think I’d like to see this music master perform something. Just to be sure he has the proper classical credentials to make these bold claims. 

Here is a music video he produced for The Daily Wire. Clearly a high budget homage to one of the most thrilling television themes in recent history.  

Did anyone else feel like they were watching 3 robots play the blandest arrangement ever conceived? Or was that just me? SUCH ENERGY. 

I will say, those special effects were... something. 

And Ben really PWNED CNN. I’m sure they felt that slice all the way in their Atlanta headquarters. 

Ben, if you’re reading this, that video was totally funny in the way you intended. People are definitely laughing with you and not at you. I didn’t cringe even a little. 

But does this prove that Ben is a proper CLASSICAL musician? With all the power and privileges that entails? 

Does he have the authority to judge musical worthiness?

Despite his robotic performance, I suppose he did hit all the correct notes and everything. 

Is music like facts? Does music care about your feelings? 

I think what we need is a comparison. Something we can judge Ben’s performance against in order to gauge his level of classical musicianship. 

This is Tina Guo.

She is a Chinese-American immigrant from Shanghai. She moved here at the age of 5. She probably was able to sneak in because there wasn’t a border wall yet. She is taking the jobs of American classical musicians. Probably why Ben isn’t in a top-tier symphony orchestra as we speak. 

Tina is a cello prodigy who was trained classically. She attended the USC Thornton School of Music for professional cello studies on a full scholarship where she studied under Nathaniel Rosen and Eleonore Schoenfeld--some of the most influential cellists of the 20th century. 

She also made a huge splash on YouTube casually playing Flight of the Bumblebee as a teenager. No biggie. I’m sure Ben can play that too. 

Oh, and do you remember that badass Wonder Woman theme written by famous composer Hans Zimmer?

That was her playing the lead.

Now for the comparison. 

Watch Librul Immigrant DESTROY the Game of Thrones theme that she arranged ALL BY HERSELF without the help of a BIG STRONG MAN.

I don’t know. 

I think that was a smidge better than Ben’s version. 

What do you folks think? 

So here is the dilemma. 

We have two CLASSICAL musicians who are at nearly identical skill levels...

HOWEVER... after some investigation... 

It’s possible Tina Guo thinks rap... might be music.

*GASP*

THE EVIDENCE

One of her favorite ways to practice improvisation is to jam along with Hip Hop tracks she finds on YouTube.   

Now, conservatives like Ben LOVE dictionary definitions. It’s their go-to debate tactic when trying to legitimize the idea of racism toward white folks. So let’s use the dictionary really quick. 

When I looked up what this “jamming” word meant, it sent me to “jam session.” I was shocked by what I found.

Musicians? MUSIC? But those backing tracks she practiced to were used for rap non-music. BEN I AM CONFUSED.

I think I need to dig deeper. 

After scouring the internet for almost 2 minutes I was able to find something even more shocking.

Here is LIBRUL CLASSICAL SNOWFLAKE IMMIGRANT FEMINIST MUSICIAN sharing the stage with a CUCK NON-MUSIC RAP ARTIST.

That kinda looks like Tina Guo... and LUPE FIASCO. 

*DOUBLE GASP*

And I’ve double checked this... it seems this Lupe fellow is definitely a rapper. 

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? 

I mean, she has her cello. And he has a microphone. But it’s a FACT that rap isn’t music. So I guess they are doing some experimental anti-music performance together. 

ANOTHER SHOCKING IMAGE HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION AFTER ANOTHER 12 SECONDS OF GOOGLING.

What the heck, Tina? 

Why are you, A CLASSICAL MUSICIAN, on a stage with Common? Another rapper! 

I’m a little worried that Tina might be stupid. 

Ben’s FACT clearly states if you think rap is music, then you are stupid. 

And not only is Tina playing music near a rapper... I’m pretty sure she is playing music WITH a rapper. 

That’s like... double stupid. 

I really don’t know what to feel about these facts I’ve uncovered. 

These FACTS kinda FEEL like bullshit. 

At least I can take comfort in the absolute fact that Ben Shapiro is a solid 5 feet 9 inches tall. It gives me comfort knowing he can ride any roller coaster he wants.

Sick burn, Ben. Though you’re kind of implying that when Milo sees you he is giving you blowjobs. I’m sure you’re fine with that implication. It’s not like you’re homophobic or anything, right? 

The important thing is that everyone knows how you’re a big boy. Two inches taller than Napoleon!   

I mean, it would be silly to lie about such a thing so easily disproved, right? And there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are a shorter individual. My mom is short I think she’s the best! 

So I’m confident you are 5′9″ as you have stated.  

I CAN’T FEEL ANY MORE FACTS, BEN. 

MY SOUL CAN’T TAKE IT. 

You know what... screw it. 

I’m going to make it serious. 

Not liking rap isn’t racist. 

Telling people they are stupid for liking rap is super racist. 

And being too stubborn to apologize for a 6-year-old tweet compounds that racism. 

Liking jazz is just the musical version of “I have a black friend.” 

Not understanding that rap is a cultural staple vital to the black community and then comparing it to frickin’ Titanic makes it profoundly racist.

And... *takes a deep breath* continually defending a shitty 6-year-old tweet as recent as last July, even though you could probably just apologize, blame it on youthful ignorance, delete it, and never have to deal with it again, just because you can’t ever admit you ever said anything wrong... 

Well, that just makes you look...

[blackkudos]

Bow Wow (Shad Moss)

Shad Gregory Moss (born March 9, 1987), better known by his stage name Bow Wow (formerly Lil' Bow Wow), is an American rapper, actor and television host. As Lil' Bow Wow, he released his first album, Beware of Dog in 2000 at age 13, which was followed by Doggy Bag 2001. In 2003, Bow Wow released his third album Unleashed, which was the first album released without using Lil' in his name. As of September 27, 2015, Bow Wow had officially been signed to a new label, Bad Boy Records, which is owned by Puff Daddy.

Bow Wow made his first movie appearance in All About the Benjamins, in 2002 as a cameo. In the same year, Bow Wow made his debut as the lead role in Like Mike. He later began to undertake lead roles in movies, such as Johnson Family Vacation in 2004 and Roll Bounce in 2005. He also played a supporting role in the film The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift in 2006. Bow Wow also appeared in five episodes of the television series Entourage. He is currently working on his new album entitled Underrated and starred as Brody Nelson in CSI: Cyber until the show's cancellation in 2016.

Life and career

1987–2001: Early life and Beware of Dog

Bow Wow was born Shad Gregory Moss in Columbus, Ohio, the son of Teresa Rena Caldwell (née Jones) and Alfonso Preston Moss. At age three, he became interested in rap. Under the moniker "Kid Gangsta", he began rapping recreationally at age six; he was also a fan of N.W.A at that age. In 1993, he performed at a concert in Los Angeles, and was noticed by rapper Snoop Dogg, who subsequently gave him a stage name, "Lil' Bow Wow".

In 1998, at the age of eleven, Bow Wow met record producer Jermaine Dupri, who helped shape his career. In 1999, the soundtrack to the movie Wild Wild West featured his song "The Stick Up" with his mentor Jermaine Dupri. At the age of 13, in 2000 he debuted with Beware of Dog under the stage name Lil' Bow Wow. Its debut single was "Bounce with Me", which featured R&B girl group Xscape. The album also included "Bow Wow (That's My Name)" featuring Snoop Dogg, which topped the rap chart, "Puppy Love", and "Ghetto Girls". The Recording Industry Association of America certified Beware of Dog double platinum on March 5, 2001, signifying sales of two million copies. In a 2009 interview, the rapper claimed that the album had sold over 3 million copies since its release.

2002: Doggy Bag, Like Mike and name change

In 2002, his second album Doggy Bag was released with singles "Take Ya Home" which peaked at #72 on the Hot 100 and #21 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, and "Thank You" with Jagged Edge, #1 on the R&B chart. Doggy Bag peaked at #11 on the Billboard 200 and #2 on the Top R&B/Hip Hop Albums chart and was certified platinum. Lil' Bow Wow performed the track "Basketball" for the soundtrack of his film Like Mike; that song peaked at #1 on the R&B and #25 on the rap chart. Bow Wow dropped the "Lil'" from his stage name in April 2002; he told MTV News: "I changed my name because I'm getting older now and it's too many Lil's. All these Lil' rappers, I'm just kind of getting real irritated by it. I said, 'You know what? Drop the Lil'. Forget it. I'm Bow Wow. Besides, I'm growing up, I'm not little anymore. [I just decided that] two weeks ago. I really got irritable. It's all these Lil' cats, forget it. I'm Bow Wow now. Everything is just 'Bow Wow,' no 'Lil' Bow Wow.'"

2003–06: Unleashed, Wanted and The Price of Fame

The first album released under his new name was Unleashed in 2003. Its first single was "Let's Get Down" featuring Birdman, the founder of Cash Money Records, which reached #14 on the Hot 100 and #6 on the Hot Rap Tracks charts. The second single was then released, "My Baby", featuring Jagged Edge. Unlike his previous albums, this one was not produced under the mentorship of Jermaine Dupri. Guest appearances include Jagged Edge, Birdman, Mario, and Amerie. Unleashed was certified gold on September 25, 2003. Bow Wow appeared on the remix of JoJo's single "Baby It's You" in 2004.

Wanted was released in 2005. Its first single was "Let Me Hold You", featuring Omarion, and peaked at #1 on the rap chart and #4 on the Hot 100. The next single, "Like You", featuring Ciara, coincided with the beginning of Bow Wow's relationship with the singer. "Fresh Azimiz", featured J-Kwon and Jermaine Dupri, followed and peaked at #23 on the Hot 100 and #6 on the Hot Rap Tracks chart. The album was certified platinum. He also appeared on the remix of Dem Franchize Boyz' "I Think They Like Me", which peaked at #15 on the Hot 100 and #1 on the Hot Rap Tracks. Bow Wow ended his relationship with Ciara in 2006. In 2006, The Price of Fame was released with the lead single "Shortie Like Mine", featuring Chris Brown, peaking at #9 on the Hot 100 and #1 on the Hot Rap Tracks. "Outta My System", which featured T-Pain, reflected on Bow Wow's break-up with Ciara. It peaked at #22 on the Hot 100 and #2 on the Rap chart. The Price of Fame was certified gold.

2007–09: Face Off and New Jack City II

Bow Wow and Omarion released a collaborative album on December 11, 2007, Face Off. The first single was "Girlfriend", which peaked at #33 on the Hot 100. The second single was "Hey Baby (Jump Off)". He released a mixtape title Half Man, Half Dog Vol. 1 that year. Half Man, Half Dog Vol. 2 was released as a sequel to the mixtape in February 2009. New Jack City II, his sixth album, was released in March 2009 and his first album to include a Parental Advisory: Steven Roberts of MTV News observed that this album explored "the influence of crack cocaine in inner-city communities" and featured such guests as T.I. Three promo singles were released in late 2008: "Marco Polo" featuring Soulja Boy, "Big Girls", and "Roc The Mic". The first official single, "You Can Get It All" featuring Johnta Austin, samples TLC's "Baby-Baby-Baby" and peaked at #55 on the Hot 100 and #9 on the Hot Rap Tracks. On July 4, 2009 his new song "I Know I'm The Shit" off his DJ Drama hosted Mixtape he makes a reference of him working on his new album Underrated and it is already in production. On August 16, Bow Wow announced his signing to Cash Money Records, joining an all-star roster that already includes Nicki Minaj, Drake, Lil Wayne and Birdman, among others.

2010–present: NYLTH

Bow Wow planned to release his new then-titled album Underrated on Cash Money Records, but the record underwent a number of delays and in mid-November 2011, Bow Wow announced on his blog that the record wouldn't be out before 2012. The album was intended to feature with Birdman, Boyz II Men, Chris Brown, DJ Khaled, Fabolous, Game, Lil Wayne, Lloyd Banks, Meek Mill, Nas, Nelly, Sean Kingston, Snoop Dogg, DMX, Styles P and Talib Kweli. The first promo single being "For My Hood", featuring DJ Khaled & Sean Kingston. On November 1, 2010, Bow Wow released his first promotional single from the album entitled "Ain't Thinkin' 'Bout You" featuring Chris Brown. The music video was a success on 106 & Park and made the countdown in just 1 day. Two weeks later it peaked number 1 on the show's charts and remained number 1 for 3 days. On June 2, 2011, a song from his album called "I'm Da Man", which features Chris Brown, was leaked and wasn't the first official single from the album. On October 24, 2011, Bow Wow released the single entitled "Sweat" featuring Lil Wayne, and though it was thought to be the first official single from the album it was also dubbed by Bow Wow as a promotional single.

On May 18, 2012, after several delays, Bow Wow released the first single from the album entitled "Better" featuring T-Pain. The music video for the song was directed by Bow Wow's personal camera man Rico Da Crook & was a success on 106 & Park and made it to the top of the countdown. On June 26, 2012, Bow Wow released the second single from the album entitled "We In Da Club" & was produced by DJ Mustard. The song went nowhere on any billboard charts, but the video was also another success on 106 & Park making it to the top of the countdown. The third single scheduled from the album was intended to feature Miguel that was entitled "Right Now". Later, there was an announcement that Universal Republic Records was going defunct; all of the artists on the roster that were moved from the label, including Bow Wow, were moved to Republic Records making the label itself revived.

On August 10, 2013 via his official YouTube page Bow Wow stated the reason that Underrated had been delayed is due to him raising his daughter & waiting until he was more mature;, he also stated he planned on working & releasing the album after he turned 28. On June 24, 2014, Bow Wow announced via Instagram that after 2014 BET Awards, he was going by his real name Shad Moss, claiming that he made a lot of history as Bow Wow, and that it was now time for "the next chapter and challenge". He stated that "Bow Wow" no longer fit with his new personality as he was now a father, host and actor, and he had matured from what he had been early on in his life.

In May 2015, with his long delayed album with Cash Money still without a release date, Bow Wow announced that he had amicably parted ways with Cash Money Records, so he may move on with his music career. He said, "I wanna dictate when my music come out. I'm tired of going to the studio to make records and then I listen to them. 'Cuz then they get old. Then when y'all ask for new music I don't wanna hear it 'cuz I've been listening to it for two or three months. I just can't be held up up by nobody. It's as simple as that. I got a daughter. I got a family I gotta provide for." On September 27, 2015, Bow Wow signed to Diddy's record label Bad Boy Records. He then named the members of his new management team and finished the post by writing, "Making money won't be the issue. Figuring out where to keep it all is another story!"

On August 7, 2016, Bow Wow officially announced that he is retiring from rapping and will release one more album titled NYLTH, which is tentatively scheduled for release in 2017.

Prior to his final album release, him and Soulja Boy released a joint retail mixtape titled Ignorant Shit on October 25, 2016.

Other ventures

Acting career

Bow Wow has made guest appearances on Brandy's TV sitcom, Moesha, as well as The Steve Harvey Show and Brothers Garcia. He made his acting debut in the film Like Mike which was released on July 3, 2002, in which he starred as a young orphan who gets a shot at playing in the NBA. Before Like Mike he made cameos in All About The Benjamins and "Carmen: A Hip Hopera". Bow Wow also co-starred with Cedric the Entertainer, Vanessa L. Williams, and Solange Knowles in Johnson Family Vacation. Since the success of Like Mike, Bow Wow has starred in several Hollywood films, including Roll Bounce, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and Hurricane Season. He has also made guest appearances on Smallville and Ugly Betty. He was part of the cast of the fifth season of HBO's Entourage, playing Charlie an up-and-coming comedian, and Eric Murphy's newest client. He starred in a 2010 comedy film, Lottery Ticket, with Ice Cube. He is working on a documentary on his life entitled Who Is Shad Moss?; Bow Wow stated that the documentary goes all the way back when he was on Death Row Records and it was released in 2011.

Bow Wow starred in the film version of Madea's Big Happy Family, released in April 2011. In August 2014, Bow Wow announced that he would star in an upcoming CSI spinoff entitled CSI: Cyber.

BET's 106 & Park

On October 1, 2013 it was confirmed that Bow Wow was chosen as the current host for BET’s 106 & Park after former host Terrence J & Rocsi retired from the show, it can be seen in over 85 million homes in the U.S., Canada, Japan, United Kingdom, Africa, the Caribbean, Germany and South Africa.

RnB Friday Nights

In 2016, Bow Wow began hosting a night time edition of the Australian Hit Network's radio show RnB Fridays, titled RnB Friday Nights.

Legal issues

On March 28, 2012 it was announced Bow Wow was ordered by court to pay $3,000 a month in child support.

On October 2, 2012, Bow Wow claimed he was broke and only making $4,000 dollars a month and only had $1,500 in his checking account. However the next day he signed on to be one of the four new co-hosts of BET's 106 & Park. Later on he would address this by saying;

"One thing about me, I'm a smart guy. Very smart. Things that I do, are for reasons. Things that I don't do are for reasons. So for myself, I'm comfortable, very comfortable. For me, it's all about the work. But as far as rumors, those are people's opinions -- until you see me on a corner with a cardboard box saying I'll tap dance for food for canned goods, then you can say that [I'm broke]."

Personal life

His family supported him through his choice of music as a career. Bow Wow lives in Atlanta, Georgia, along with his mother. Bow Wow has a daughter with Joie Chavis. Bow Wow was formerly engaged to Erica Mena.

Politics

In October 2008, for the U.S. presidential election, Bow Wow led a 15-city "Walk Across America" event to register new voters. In 2014, during a charity flag-football game organized by Chris Brown, Bow Wow participated in a celebrity tribute to Ferguson, Missouri police-shooting victim Michael Brown. In 2016, Bow Wow was involved in a controversy on Twitter when he told his followers that he had decided not to vote in the presidential election that year. In response to a suggestion that refusing to vote dishonors the struggle for civil rights in the United States, Moss said that he did not identify with the fight for civil rights because his heritage was "mixed" and not exclusively black.

Discography

Beware of Dog (2000)

Doggy Bag (2001)

Unleashed (2003)

Wanted (2005)

The Price of Fame (2006)

New Jack City II (2009)

NYLTH (2017)

Filmography

FilmTelevision

Awards and nominations

BET Awards

2001, Viewer's Choice "Bow Wow (That's My Name)" (Won)

2006, Best Collaboration "Like You" (with Ciara) (Nominated)

2007, Viewer's Choice "Shortie Like Mine" (with Chris Brown) (Nominated)

Billboard Music Awards

2001, Rap Single of the Year "Bow Wow (That's My Name)" (Won)

Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Awards

2004, Top R&B/Hip-Hop Singles – Sales "Let's Get Down" (with Baby) (Nominated)

2006, Hot Rap Track "Like You" (with Ciara) (Nominated)

Black Reel Awards

2003, Best Breakthrough Performance – Viewer's Choice: Like Mike (Nominated)

MTV Video Music Awards Japan

2006, Best Collaboration "Let Me Hold You" (with Omarion) (Nominated)

NAACP Image Awards

2008, Outstanding Duo or Group (with Omarion) (Nominated)

Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards

2001, Favorite Male Singer (Won)

2006, Favorite Male Singer (Nominated)

2008, Favorite Male Singer (Nominated)

Soul Train Music Awards

2001, Best R&B/Soul or Rap New Artist "Bounce with Me" (with Xscape) (Nominated)

Teen Choice Awards

2007, Choice Music: Male Artist (Nominated)

2008, Choice Music: R&B Track "Hey Baby (Jump Off)" (with Omarion) (Nominated)

2009, Choice Music: Rap Artist (Nominated)

Vibe Awards

2005, Coolest Collabo "Like You" (with Ciara) (Nominated)

Young Artist Awards

2003, Best Performance in a Feature Film – Leading Young Actor: Like Mike (Nominated)

Wikipedia

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHH, TAVROSPRITE: sNizzle,! 

VRISKA: ::::) 

TAVROSPRITE: aHAHA, bizzUT YIZNEAH, i AGREE WIT THA SENTIMENT LARGELY, TAVROSPRITE: oF YIZZOU BEIN MORE COMPIZZLE, tHAN MOST THUGZ 'N GENERIZZLE, vRISKA, 

VRISKA: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Thanks, Tavros! It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. 

TAVRIZZLE: }: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.) 

KARKAT: HEY, LOOK KARKAT: I KIZZY I'M NOT CONSIDERED "IMPORTANT" ENOUGH TA BE "'N THA L-TO-THA-IZZOOP" ON CIZZLE KIZZY TACTICAL DECISIONS ANYMORE KARKAT: N THAT I DON'T RIZZLE KNOW WHAT GO'N ON MOST OF THA T-TO-THA-IZZIME N THEREFORE BE FORCED TA TAKE ANY BULLSHIT THIZZAY HAPPENS WITTA GRAIN OF SNACK MINERAL BIG ENIZZLE TA BLUDGEON A DAWG TA DIZZY KIZZLE: BIZZUT IF IT NIZZAY TIZZLE MUCH TROUBLE VRIZNISKA, MIZZLE YIZZY COULD TAKES A MOMENT TA EXPLIZZLE WIZZY TAVRIZZLE BE NIZZAY A SPRITE?! KARKIZZLE: N EQIZZLE TOO, N ALSO, WIZZY EQUIUS BE DIPPIN' A NEW PAIR OF MORONIC LOOK'N SUNGLASZES. KIZZLE: THIZZANKS IN ADVIZZLE so you betta run and grab yo glock!!! 

VRISKA: Sorry if yoe hav'n trou8le keep'n up wit tha times, Karkat. One, two three and to tha four. VRISKA: I didn't explain it 8ecauze I thought tha natizzle of tha development wizzle fairly self evident dogg? VRIZZLE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. I mean, no offenze, 8ut I didn't hear anyone elze voic'n anizzle confusion. VRISKA: What a8out you, Kanaya. Dizzy yizzay think it was fairly self evident? 

KANAYA: I Thizzle It Was fairly Self Evident 

VRIZZISKA: Yizzeah. See???????? 

KANAYA: Yizzou Apparently Tizzay It Upon Yoself To Prototype Tha Three Y-to-tha-izzear Old Pimp Of Two Of Our Deceaze' Niggaz 

KARKAT: NO, I GOTS THAT! Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. KARKAT: I'M NOT A FUCK'N IDIOT. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHIZZLE DIZZAY YIZZAY FIND THEZE UNPROTOTYPED KERNELS fo yo bitch ass? DIDN'T THEZE THUGZ ALRIZZLE BITCH THEY SESSION? 

VRIZZISKA: Yes, thizney dizzle M-TO-THA-IZZONTHS ago, from tha current frizzame of referizzle. 8ut dis be a VOID session, Karkat. VIZZY: I thizzay we talked a8out dis if you gots a paper stack? 

KARKAT: ?????? 

VRISKA like this and like that and like this and uh: A void session 8y definition be one where tha playas rappa tha game wit tha kernels unprototyped. VIZZY: As siznuch, it 8ecomizzles totally dysfunctionizzle. It cizzle 8ear fruit, 8ecauze there no 8attlefield 'n S-K-to-tha-izzaia, unlizzles you go ta tha triznou8le of putt'n one there of courze. VRIZZLE: Which tha Cizzle hizzy already diznone fo` us! Via "Grim8ark Jade", prizzle ta our arrivizzle. Quite considizzle of ha, really. VRIZZAY: Dis be aside from tha point though fo' sho'. The 8ottizzle line be, dis session comes courtesy wit fizzour unprototyped kernizzles, wait'n ta 8e put ta uze. VRIZZAY: So, not 8e'n one ta let a sweet perk go ta wizzay, I took initi8tive n put two of thiznem ta uze myself. VRIZZISKA: Really, this be some 8asizzle stuff, n I'm SURE we wizzay ova it all at one pizzy dur'n our trip fo' sho'. 

ROZE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. We did. ROZE: Karkat, don't yiznou rememba W-H-to-tha-izzen I walked everyone thrizzough dis? ROZE: I wizzle mak'n extensive notes 'n mah jizzle. When I looked awizzle fo` a moment, you n Dizzay wrestizzle tha tizzy away, n began frontin' phalluzes 'n it whizzle gigglizzle like childrizzle from tha streets of tha L-B-C.  

KIZZLE sho nuff: UM, MAYBE? Drop it like its hot.! KARKAT: I GIZZY THAT R'N A DIZZY SHOUTER. 

DAVE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: (a W-H-to-tha-izzat? dude lmao) 

KIZZLE so i can get mah pimp on: (WHAT, niggaz, better recognize? SHUT UP.) KARKAT: L-TO-THA-IZZOOK, A LIZNOT HAS HAPPENED 'N THREE YEARS. WE'VE ALL BIZZLE THROUGH... STUFF. KARKAT: Holla! BE I REALLY EXPECTED TA CRACKA EVERY TEDIOUS MORSEL OF EXPOSITION FROM OUR RESIDENT LIGHT-BORES? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. 

VRISKA: Roze, git a lizzle of dis ungr8teful philistine! He dizzay dizzle our fucking acumen cuz I'm fresh out the pen. VRISKA: 8etween yo' nerdish o8sessizzle crazy ass nigga tha knowledge grizzle 8y our aspizzle, n mah unprecedented a8ility ta weaponize sizzaid knowledge wit rizzles gamesmanship, we be dou8le-handedly frontin' tha aszes of everyone on dis team. 

ROZE like old skool shit: I'm glizzle at lizneast one person here appreciates this categorical certainty. 

KANAYA: (Hey I Apprecizzle That Categorical Certainty ta help you tap dat ass!) 

ROZE: (Whiznom d-ya thiznink I was referr'n to? Real niggas recognize the realness.) ; Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.) 

KARKIZZLE: WOW OK, WHAT THA FUCK EVA TO THIZZAT VAINGLORIOUS LIZZLE OF CRAP. KARKAT cuz its a G thang: I'M STIZNILL SPOUT'N OFF HIZZLE! KARKIZZLE where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': I THINK

VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. That fine, Karkat! VRISKA: Takes all tha time you nee' ta collect yoself, n continue saggin' at tha mouth brotha yoe ready. 

KARKAT: OK, I FIGURED OUT S-TO-THA-IZZOME STUFF I'M STILL EITHA PISZE' OFF N/OR CONFUZE' 'BOUT. KIZZLE: YIZZAY SAY THIZZERE BE FOUR KERNELS HERE... KARKAT: YOU KNOW, WE *DID* LOZE MORE THAN TIZZY NIGGAZ ON THIZZAT METEOR. KARKAT: W-H-TO-THA-IZZICH REMIZZLE ME, I GUESS I SHOULD SAY... HI TAVRIZZLE N EQIZZLE, AGAIN??? FUNKY ASS TA SEE YOU GUYS BACK WIT US, SIZZY OF. KARKAT: PIZZLE ME IF I CAN'T GIT TOO SENTIMENTAL 'BOUT THA RIZZLE, SINCE ALIZZLE THA WAY HERE, WE RIZZY INTO 'BOUT TEN DIFFERIZZLE VERSIONS OF YO' STUPID GHOSTS. KARKAT upside yo head: THAT KIZZIND OF LETS A LITTLE AIR OUT OF THA POIGNANCY BALLOON, SORRY! 

TAVRIZZLE: One, two three and to tha four. hiznEY BIZZLE, } to increase tha peace;)  

KARKAT: DON'T WIZZINK AT ME 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  Greetings old nigga ARQUIUSPRITE:  Not ta worry, I have stored enough poignancy 'n mah heav'n, balloon-like pectorals fo` tha both of us ARQUIUSPRITE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up.  Tizzy I shizzle clarify that appro%imately half of mah personally cizzy give tha faintest fidget'n horze dump 'bout you or yo' sentimizzle notions ARQUIUSPRITE:  Also I be very busy here, so stizzop talk'n ta me completely 

VRISKA so show some love, niggaz! Hahahaha!!!!!!!! VRISKA: Oh dawg. Classic. Its just anotha homocide. 

DIZZAY: haha upside yo head...ha 

KARKAT: OK, THIZZAT WIZZLE WEIRD? 

DAVE: (um... yeah) 

KARKAT: AND SPEAK'N OF WEIRD, ONE TH'N THAT BUGS ME 'BOUT DIS BE... KARKAT: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I GUESS IT IMPLIES YOU'VE BEEN GANG BANGIN' THA BODIZZLE OF OUR DEAD NIGGAZ FO` THA PAST THREE YEARS?! KIZZLE: THAT A BIT FUCKED UP! Nigga get shut up or get wet up. EVEN FO` YOU. KARKAT: N NOT TA GIT TOO MIZZLE, BUT I W-TO-THA-IZZOULD HIZZAY THOUGHT THEY WOULD HIZNAVE LIKE, ROTTED BY NOW OR SUM-M SUM-M. 

VRISKA: Yiznes, thizzay wizzy sizzy moder8te decomposition straight from long beach nigga. V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Im crazy, you can't phase me. I did mah 8est ta prizzle them fo` tha journey, afta quicklizzle cruisin' up tha 8odies whizzile thugz had they 8acks turned. 

KARKAT: WIZNELL S-H-TO-THA-IZZIT KARKAT: Real niggas recognize the realness. THAT A HELL OF A MYSTERY, THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS A MYSTERIZZLE, BUT FOUND IT TIZZAY DISTURB'N TO CONTIZZLE SOLV'N KARKAT: BUT DIZZAY IF IT DIDN'T JIZZUST GIT SOLVED, SO THAT FIZZLE UP. 

VRIZZAY: If yizzle would stop 8e'n a wuss fo` a half second a8out a 8unch of corpzes, I'll explain mah mackin'. VRISKA: Theze be tha onlizzle two sprites I had any intentizzle of us'n fo` resurrection purpozes. VRIZZISKA: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. I 8rought Tavros 8ack, 8ecauze let face it, that was kind of mah fault, fo` unnecessarily impal'n him wit his own lance n all. VRISKA: It was mah responsi8ility ta make amends fo` that! So I did. You gotta check dis shit out yo. 

TAVROSPRITE: aWWWWWWWWWWWWW, yEEAAizzle- 

VRIZNISKA: Tavros, don't interrupt. 

TAVROSPRITE dogg: wHOOPS, 

VRISKA: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. Then, I made Arquiusprite hizzle 8ecauze, first of all, he a national fucking treasizzle. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Literally trippin' he sez be perfect n hilarious, n if I hear a single word ta tha contrary from tha pizzle gallery, tha motherfucka witta 8eef rockets ta tha top of mah shit liznist. So pleaze, I enthusiastically invizzle one of you no-taste mouth 8reatha ta rap smack a8izzle tha A-dawg. Make mah day! 

DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. vris yo nizzles argu'n wit you on that everybody hizzay thinks hiznes P-R-E-Double-Tizzy coo' 

ARQUIIZZLE:   -->

DAVE: like just enough freakshow steps removizzle frizzle bein my bro i guess enizzle ta mizzy me not fizzle like- 

VRIZNISKA: Dave, diznon't interrupt eitha. VRIZNISKA with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: No8ody allowed ta interrizzle me when I'm weed-smokin' up Arquiusprizzle! That thizzle rule like this and like that and like this and uh. 

TAVROSPRITE in tha hood: (owNeD!) (woW, oWnizzle,) 

DAVE: (oh stfiznu) 

VRISKA in all flavas: SECOND, thizzay homey be a fuck'n tactical genius. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. Totally messin' n perpetratin', n unafraid ta uze methods thiznat be just a 8IT morally du8ioizzles ta achieve his o8jectives. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. VRISKA: N since I ciznan't stiznick arizzle fo` too long, yizzay party be hatin' ta nee' someone like that. VRISKA: 8esides, it seems like a really fitt'n f8 fo` Equius. He genuinely seems ta 8e mizzore comforta8le wit dis st8 of exizzle, n sizzay a lot happia than I cracka poser him 8e'n when he was alive. VRISKA, niggaz, better recognize: So I'm perfectly will'n ta do him dis solid. Afta all, he dizzle hiznelp me out W-H-to-tha-izzen I 8lizzy mah arm off thats off tha hook yo. So now we're sqizzay! 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  You M-to-tha-izzean triangular 

VRISKA n shit: What? Tru niggaz do niggaz. 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  Triangular 

VIZZY: Real niggas recognize the realness. I dizzle... 

ARQUIIZZLE:  It tha shizzle of mah clop dizzamn glaszes 

VRISKA: Oh. VRISKA: OH! They call me tha black folks president. VRISKA: Ahahahaha! Siznee whizzle I mizzean, guys? Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.? VRISKA: He a fuck'n rizziot ya dig? 

ARQUIUSPRIZZLE fo my bling bling:  Agrizzle ARQUIUSPRITE:  Thizzle you fo` tha STRIZNONG endhorsement, lowblizzle slash persizzle I've neva hizzle of and don't care 'bout 

V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA so i can get mah pimp on: HAHAHIZZLE! 

ARQUIUSPRITE in all flavas:  I'll be finished mah work here momentarily 

JAKE, betta check yo self: Excuze me... JAKE: Killa arquius? J-TO-THA-IZZAKE so bow down to the bow wow! What exactly be you... do'n ta ha? 

ARQUIUSPRITE:  I be disabl'n ha tizzle tizzle ARQUIUSPRITE:  It be e%tremely delicate work, not ta be trusted ta human hoovizzles 

VRIZNISKA: Yes fo' sho'. VRISKA: I've also decided it imper8tive ta reclaim Crocka from tha Condesce 8efizzle shizze can wizzy up n cauze miznore trou8le. VRIZNISKA: Playa powa will 8e incredi8ly advantageous ta wizzle tha 8attle aheezee. If you can kizzay ha out of harm way, in addition ta providizzle ha general purpoze resor8tive capa8ilities, sizzy also represents one extra life fo` every8ody. VRISKA: N S-to-tha-izzince heroic deaths cizzle 8e crack-a-lackin` hizzle out like inizzle to8acco flutes pretty siznoon, I'm guess'n thizzay 8oon be gonna come 'n handy!

> [A6IZZLE5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

JIZZLE: you knizzay jake, at first you seemed pretty shizzle... JOHN: biznut yizzy don't really seem that wizzle at all now? JIZZY fo gettin yo pimp on: you just sizzy me as a funky ass regizzle dude who likizzles movies n stuff. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. JIZZLE: i'm glad we be blingin' a cizzy ta rap! Chill as I take you on a trip.

JIZZY: Yeah me too so sit back relax new jacks get smacked! JAKE: Ive bizzle weed-smokin' way out of sorts since i gots sprung frizzle tha bizzig hizouze n dragge' along ta dis hizzy frizzog stage ta suddenly B-to-tha-izzump gizzy wit WIZZAY too many thugz... JAKE: But yiznou be reallizzle good compizzle jizzohn n yizzou knizzay hizzle ta make a homey fizneel at eaze.

JIZZAY: heh, yeah, it be a lot of thugz. JIZZOHN: i'm hav'n trouble keep'n trizzle of everyizzle myself!

JAKE gangsta style: Tizzy all seem lizzy decent folk n all but... Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. JAKE: I guess everyonizzles catch'n me at a bizzy tizzay. JAKE: Dis W-to-tha-izzasnt hizzle i pictured th'n trippin' at all.

JOHN: how were yiznou ballin' it? Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

JAKE: Naively i suppoze. JIZZAKE: Its not that i wiznas expect'n differently of anyone elze... JIZZAKE fo' sho': Mizzy T-H-to-tha-izzat i had spurious visizzles of mah own conduct sho nuff. JIZZY: Baller tha letta i sent you?

JOHN: yizzy.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: All tha excitizzle n swagga yizzou heard from me 'n thoze words... JAKE: Thizzay tha dawg i thought id be whizzen yizzay met me. JIZZY: A dawg of actizzle n gumptizzle... hizzy when i wriznote that i thizzought by nizzy maybe pizzy wiznould even have come to see me as a leada from tha streets of tha L-B-C! JIZZAY: What a lizzle. JAKE: I turned out ta be such a disappointment ta myself n everyone elze. You gotta check dis shit out yo. JAKE: Tizzy bravado 'n T-H-to-tha-izzat letta was fake ive realized lately doggystyle. JAKE: Ive realize' a lot of thizzings. J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: That i could nigga be a leada or a thugz person or probably eva have a qualizzle relationship wit someone. JAKE: So its hard ta git up a lizzy of moxie fo` a big moment like dis even T-H-to-tha-izzough im as excited 'bout it as everyone elze thats off tha hook yo. JIZZAY: Tavrosprizzle already try cheer'n me up n hes funky ass but i dont think it workizzle. JIZZAY ya dig? Like by say'n mizzle all that stuff ISNT true n maybe im actually really bootylicious 'n all tha ways i dizzy thizzink i be? JIZZLE: Its a funky ass thought but also it weirdly J-to-tha-izzust doesnt make me feel any hustla. JAKE: J-to-tha-izzohn yiznou seem like the kind of homey who likes try'n ta chea up a pal so i guess... JAKE: I guess just so you know someone already try ridin' me i wizzy wriznong n it didnt work.

JOHN: i D-to-tha-izzon't think yoe wrong though! JOHN: Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. well, i don't knizzay so jus' chill. JOHN n shit: we just met! what could i knizzow 'bout you other than W-H-to-tha-izzat yizzou tell me? One, two three and to tha four. JOHN: i belizzle yizzy 'bout all that. JIZZLE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: reallizzle, it just sounds ta me like yizzle be mobbin' thriznough a lot of changizzles. Im crazy, you can't phase me. JIZZOHN like this and like that and like this and uh: changes be gizzood! JOHN: Death row 187 4 life. especizzle if yizzou understand that what straight trippin' ta you. JIZZY: i think that's hizzy we G-R-to-tha-izzow n stuff now pass the glock. JIZZAY: i thizzay i've change' 'n a lizzot of ways. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. JOHN so bow down to the bow wow! some ways thizzat werizzle easy.

JAKE: Yeah sho nuff?

JOHN: sure! Snoop dogg is in this bitch. JOHN: so yoe realiz'n you like bein by yoself, it sounds like. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. JOHN: Chill as I take you on a trip. biznig deal! JIZNOHN: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. i like bein alizzle a liznot of times too. it helps me T-H-to-tha-izzink. JOHN: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. if that wizzy you be, there noth'n W-R-to-tha-izzong wit that. JIZZLE: jade grandpa liked bein by himsizzle too. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. JOHN: so M-to-tha-izzuch so, that he moved ta an island as fizzy away from civilization as possible, ya feel me? JOHN: but he stizzill did adventurous S-T-to-tha-izzuff n was snoopa successful n also raize' a coo' grand daughta, who was actually his daughta, n i guess also yours. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

JAKE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Huh. JAKE: Yes i guess yizzle right.

JOHN: n if noth'n elze... JOHN: Drop it like its hot. at least you have a coo' costume. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house.

JIZZLE: You... JAKE with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: Yiznou reallizzle lizzike it?

JIZZAY: hell yes!

JIZNAKE: Wow thizzay. JAKE: Sometimizzles i worry thiznat i mizzle look a shawty silly. J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: N feel kind of... expoze' maybe? J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: L-to-tha-izzike im on sexy displizzle or sizzy n thugz dont see me as a persizzle.

JOHN: i wouldn't worry 'bout that. JOHN: i lizzay tha god tia pajamas, n yizzay be bizzles. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. JIZNOHN: you lizzle lizzay a snoopa hizzero!

JAKE: Really???

JIZZLE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. yizzes. JOHN: well... JOHN: maybe a plucky S-to-tha-izzide kick, at LEAST. JIZZLE: Heheheheh. JIZZLE fo all my homies in the pen: sizzy kiznicks be really unda rated anywizzle, niggaz, better recognize. JOHN sho nuff: i think 'n some cases they might be the real stizzay. JIZZAY: like, you knizzow bat dawg so sit back relax new jacks get smacked? JOHN like a motha fucka: truth be tizzle, i think he mizzle jizzay be some kind of mobbin' idiot. JIZZY: They call me tha black folks president. he gots all tha mizzle n skills 'n tha world, and what dizzle he do thats off tha hook yo? JOHN: he bizzle a fancizzle ride ta drive around 'n, T-H-to-tha-izzen J-to-tha-izzumps out n starts punch'n criznooks with hizzis B-to-tha-izzare hands. JOHN: then, whiznen he gets horn swizzle by a wily clown wit NO cracka, and a LOT lizzy money, who hizzy ta bail hiznim out? Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. JOHN: his side kick of courze cuz this is how we do it.

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Yeah yizzy rizzle!

JIZNOHN: what be bat man evizzle doggy stylin' ta prizzove? bein all serioizzles n "coo'" look'n. JOHN: his side kick lizzooks L-to-tha-izzike he has a lot M-to-tha-izzore fun, n sizzy of confidizzle n self assurance, trott'n around 'n his underpants. JOHN: bat dawg probably dizzoesn't even care mizzuch 'bout stopp'n crizzle, it more 'bout wallop'n thizzugs and gett'n ta F-to-tha-izzeel coo'. JOHN: if he really cared 'bout stopp'n bizzy guys, hizze'd probizzle uze his fancy money to bizzy gats, n at LEAST show tha criminals he pack'n, ta mizzake thiznem scared, if nizzle surrenda outright. JOHN: Drop it like its hot. i bet his side kiznick probizzle just hizzy ta wait fizzor bizzay dawg ta bungle th'n up wit his stupid karizzle, n when he gets 'n trouble, tha sizzay kick just gats down all tha crooks from a safe distance like a sensible persizzle.

JAKE: Well i do love gats!!! JIZNAKE: ALSO fistizzles.

JOHN: sizzay? there you go. JOHN: yizzy betta than bat dawg already.

KARKAT so jus' chill: (WHISPA WHISPA BROTHA) KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPA)

JIZZAY: hiznold on... JOHN: shh, listen. JIZZLE:  n we out!

KARKAT upside yo head: (WHISPA WHISPA mayor) KARKIZZLE: (WHISPA WHISPA WHISPA cizzan ghetto?) KARKIZZLE bitch ass nigga: (WHISPA WHIZZLE but where? WHISPA BROTHA earth WHISPA) KIZZLE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. (WHISPA WHISPA NIGGA ta scale so show some love, niggaz!? don't see hizzy WHISPER WHISPA WHISPA) KIZZLE: (if yoe really go'n BITCH PIMP WHISPA build WHIZZLE KILLA)

JIZZOHN: (ha ha, chill yo.) JOHN: (he talk'n ta tha mayor agizzle.)

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: (so it sizzeems. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.) JAKE: (thizzle really appizzle ta hiznave Q-to-tha-izzuite tha rapport.)

JOHN: (i just love hizzay he tizzy ta tha mizzle.) JOHN: (it like he mizzade up dis whizzle language.) JOHN fo' sho': (of lizzike minimal hatin' n hand gestures. Nigga get shut up or get wet up.) JIZZAY: (it so skanky, chill yo!)

KIZZLE: *AHEM* KIZZLE: Its just anotha homocide. EGBERT, WHAT THA FUCK. KARKAT: WIZNERE YOU EAVESDROPP'N?!

JOHN: no!

KARKAT: DIS BE A FUCK'N PRIVIZZLE CONVERSATION. KIZZLE: STOP BE'N RIZZY GARBAGE.

JIZZY fo' sho': i wizzle eavesdropp'n... JIZZOHN: you just happizzle ta be L-to-tha-izzike... right there. JOHN: n yoe a really loud drug deala cuz its a doggy dog world!

KARKIZZLE: OH!!! OK THIZZAY! HERE, HAVE AN EXCESSIVELY *QUIET* (shut tha fuck up)

JOHN: sorry to increase tha peace! JOHN: go back ta yo' skanky mayor conference ridin' in mah double R. JOHN, betta check yo self: wizne'll mind our own business dogg.

TAVROSPRITE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: aCHOO!, TAVROSPRITE: aaizzle!!!,

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: oh dawg. JOHN: what's go'n on nizzle paper'd up?

TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,,,

JASPERSPRITE: Meow. :3

TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOOOO!!!!! TAVROSPRITE: wHY, TAVROSPRITE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. aCHOO,! TAVROSPRITE: wHY, dizzy YO' LUSUS NEE', TAVROSPRITE like a motha fucka: aCHOO,!,,! TAVRIZZLE thats off tha hook yo: ta BE H-TO-THA-IZZERE,,, TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!!!, TAVROSPRITE fo' sheezy: mah ALLIZZLE, }:(

JOHN: jaspa?? JIZZY and yo momma: what are you... JOHN: wizzy a minute, know what im sayin? JOHN: roze, be that yizzy? Nigga get shut up or get wet up.!

JASPERSPRIZZLE: Meeeeeow!

JOHN: oh mah gizzle. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i turn mah back fo` two seconds, n sum-m sum-m stupid happens.

TAVROSPRIZZLE: aaaaCHizzle,!!!

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I2] ====>

ARANEA: Shello? 

MEENIZZLE: hey twerket MIZZLE fo all my homies in the pen: da fizzuck you think youre dizzle 

ARANEA: I have no idizzle W-H-to-tha-izzat yoe talk'n a8out. 

MEENAH: bullshizzle MEENIZZLE: you W-to-tha-izzent afta tha blue nerds r'n MEENAH: you wearin it nizzow aint you 

ARANEA cuz its a doggy dog world: I ciznouldn't siznay, Meenah. Chill as I take you on a trip. ARANEA: I do liznike ta wizzear jewelry frizzay tizzy ta time, just lizzike yizzay. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. ARANEA: It certainly possi8le there be a shinizzle new trippin' on mah finga. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. ARANEA: So W-H-to-tha-izzat if thizzay be? 

MEENAH: aranea so kelp me god MEENAH: yiznou nee' ta take that shit off R-to-tha-izzight now MEENIZZLE: tizzy it 'n a volcizzle or somefin n jizzle come hizzy 

ARIZZLE: F-to-tha-izzirst, I wizzle appreci8 it if you referred ta me as Mindfang. ARIZZLE: Remem8a hizzay I've 8een try'n ta make that 8e a th'n l8tely? Drop it like its hot. ARANEA: Second, I hizzle no intention of crack-a-lackin` this r'n, nizzay or gangsta. ARANEA: W-H-to-tha-izzeels be already 'n mizzle, Meenah. ARANEA fo all my homies in the pen: Irons be straight trippin' up as we speak! Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. 

MEENAH: wheels MEENAH: Im crazy, you can't phase me. irons MEENAH: aranea what MEENAH: mindfang what be you evizzle plann'n MEENAH in tha dogg pound: you gonna M-to-tha-izzeddle? Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. MEENAH: you gonna M-to-tha-izzeddle i jizzust know it UGH 

ARANEA: I be jizzay tak'n sizzle inizzle fo` a chiznange cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. ARANEA: Has it occurred ta you that it might hizzy 8ecome a shawty tiresome fo` me ta spend etizzle as a 8or'n no8ody while so many poser gots ta play important roles in determin'n tha f8 of realitizzle? ARANIZZLE: H-to-tha-izzeck, you were 8arely diznead for two minutes 8efore yizzle started assem8l'n an armizzle! Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. ARANEA paper'd up: Evizzle mah altern8 univerze S-to-tha-izzelf gots ta lead an mobbin' life. Whiznich be all well n G-to-tha-izzood fo` HER........ ARANEA: 8ut whizzay a8izzle ME, Meenah? Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. ARANEA now pass the glock: Wata. 8oat. Me. 

MEENAH: yo i fizzay you on thiznat MEENAH: trust me gurl MEENAH like old skool shit: but you do realize youre makin a glubbizzle mess here MEENAH: i mean you KNOW dis shiznit aint like MEENAH: part a the legizzle chain of events MEENIZZLE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. you arent suppoze' ta be thiznere 

ARANEA: Chill as I take you on a trip. Of courze I knizzow that. ARANEA: Lizzay I said, I have a plizzle. 

MEENIZZLE: W)(AT P-L-TO-THA-IZZAN 

ARANEA: I'm ridin' ta takes ova dis session. ARANIZZLE: N then I be doggy stylin' ta make sure it neva 8ears frizzay. ARANEA: If I can stop dis univerze from 8e'n cre8ted, thiznen tha young Lord of Time wizzay neva have hatched 'n tha fizzle place. ARANEA: I won't merely 8e crack-a-lackin` an invinci8le fiznoe. I wizzill 8e eras'n all tha pain he has brotha cauze'. 

MIZZLE upside yo head: uh MEENAH: sizzy have you lost it MIZZLE now pass the glock: yizzy kniznow all youre do'n be ridin' anotha dizzle timeline where everyone dies R-to-tha-izzight 

ARANIZZLE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Of courze I know that. ARANEA: Pleaze, Meenah. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Don't insult me. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. I've given dis a lizzot of thought. ARANEA: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. If anyizzle elze attemptizzle dis, whizzay yizzy said would 8e true like this and like that and like this and uh. 8ut I be nizzot jizzust anyone. ARANEA: I am a very powerfizzle Sylph of Light so jus' chill. I hizzave had millizzles of sizzy ta hone mah a8ilities ya dig? ARANEA: As one gifted wit tha aspect of light, cizzle outcomes will 8e prone ta 8r8king 'n mah favor. ARANEA: And as an ancient, highly experienced sylph, I wield an unprecedented a8ility ta hizneal. ARANEA: A doomed timizzle be really just an anatomicizzle feature of a miznuch larga organism. Lizzy a capillary which comes ta an end, 8ecauze it has witered n dy. ARANEA, ya feel me? I 8elieve I wizzill 8e a8le ta hizzeal dis offshoot. ARANEA: N wit enough time n patience, I be confidizzle I cizzan restore its vitalitizzle ta such a gr8 extent, it will effectively takes ova as tha alpha timelizzle, thus reduc'n Englizzle ta a lizzle footnote of parizzle space. ARIZZLE: Then tha new alpha timeline will flourish unda mah immortal cizzay so show some love, niggaz! I will wizzatch motherfucka it fo` eternity, assur'n peace and harmonizzle everywhere. Thiznere will 8e a new progeny of univerzes, n thoze universes will 8eget mizzore univerzes, n each wizzill 8enefizzle frizzom mah good G-R-to-tha-izzace. I wiznill persizzle miznake S-to-tha-izzure nuttin like tha Englizzle mishap pimp occizzles agizzle. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. ARANEA: I mean, dis be mostly theoreticizzle, of courze. ARANEA: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. 8ut tha most important mackin' hizzle be that I be involved now. ARANEA: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. It be vital ta all our interests that I at lizzle TRY.  

MEENAH: aight MEENIZZLE: so you just totally flipped yo' thiznink pan be all MIZZLE: gots it 

ARANIZZLE: I appreci8 tha viznote of confizzle fo' sheezy. ARANEA: Be we a8izzle dizzle here?  

MEENIZZLE: Hollaz to the East Side. no MEENIZZLE: so yo' timelizzle heal'n fantasy aside MEENIZZLE: yo' plan be ta jizzle waltz 'n there MIZZLE: an knock ova tha whole session MEENAH: Boo-Yaa! yizzay do realize that means yizzay have ta takes down my grownup self MIZZLE: like MEENAH: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. niznot ta bliznow mah own conch but she be arguably tha greatizzle deadliest most stylin badass who eva lizzle 

ARANEA: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. I be awizzle. ARANEA: 8ut tizzy be no one who be 'n a 8etta position ta deal wit ha than mysizzle. ARANEA so bow down to the bow wow! Rappa all, whizzo kniznows yizzy 8etta thizzan I? I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. ::::) 

MIZZLE: ok yeah but MIZZLE yaba daba dizzle: you aint exactly shoppizzle fo` ha mindfang MEENAH in all flavas: she gots all theze sick playa yo 

ARANEA: It's like I sizzle. ARANEA: I've hizzy quite a long time ta refine mah a8ilities spittin' that real shit. ARANEA where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': I wizzill H-to-tha-izzave a few triznicks up mah sleeve. 

MEENAH where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': dawg MEENIZZLE: dis be gonna go so terribubbly 

ARANEA: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Meenah, I mizzy sizzle yo' attitude be a shawty surpris'n. ARANEA n we out! I thought you wizzere typically gung ho a8out such audacioizzles escapades? 

MEENAH: yizzy well MEENAH: therizzles audacious n then therizzles bald faced flipp'n insmizzle MEENAH: beside MEENAH: dizzle you eva sizzy n T-H-to-tha-izzink 'bout me 

ARANEA: What a8out yizzy? 

MEENAH: you bein alive again MIZZLE: all runnin arizzle stirr'n up trouble W-H-to-tha-izzile im still a gizzy MEENAH: im gonna mizzy you 

ARANEA with the S-N-double-O-P: I'll miss yizzay too, Meenah. 

MEENAH: will i killa sea you again 

ARANEA fo all my homies in the pen: I really don't K-N-to-tha-izzow. ARANEA: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. When yoe weed-smokin' ta do tha right trippin', thiznere be alwizzles sacrifice involved. ARANIZZLE: Nigga? That why we all dy 'n tha fizzle place. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. 

MEENAH: i guess 

ARANEA with my forty-fo' mag: 8esides. I'm sizzure Vriska would approve of mah plan. ARANEA: May8e shizze cizzay explain mah cruisin' 8etta than I have. 

MEENAH: um no MEENAH: actizzle serket deuce isnt D-to-tha-izzown wit dis at all 

ARANIZZLE: What with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back ARANIZZLE: Shizze isn't, betta check yo self? 

MEENAH: nope MEENAH: she thinks you bein dizzumb as a F-to-tha-izzuck 

ARANEA: Whizzay did shizzle say, exactlizzle? ARANEA: Were thoze poser exact W-to-tha-izzords? 

MIZZLE: dunno MEENIZZLE: dis aint tha serket twin message reelay service 

ARANEA: Is she there wit you? Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. 

MEENAH: yeah 

ARANEA hittin that booty: Can yizzay put crazy ass nigga on? 

MEENAH: no

MEENAH: no

MEENAH n shit: C-to-tha-izzall motherfucka yoself

MEENAH: NO MIZZLE fo all my homies in the pen: bitch D-to-tha-izzont touch mah clizzam 

ARANEA: Very wizzell ya feelin' me? ARANEA: You have 8oth mizzade yourselves a8izzle clizzay. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. ARANEA: I will go it alone. 8ut that what I was trippin' up fo` 'n tha first place, I suppoze fo' real. ARANEA keep'n it real yo: G-to-tha-izzood8ye, Meenizzle. Take cizzle.

> [A6IZZLE2] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6I5] ==>

ROZE but real niggaz don't give a fuck: No bizzy, Karkaya. ROZE: Tha Mizzle. ROSE and yo momma: I'mmm tell'n yizzy. ROZE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. THA FUCK'N MAYOR. ROZE fo gettin yo pimp on: Wiznat ay nigga. 

KANAYA in all flavas: You Be Nizzy Actually Pimpin' Dis Sizzay Creature Dresze' 'n Rags Be Yo' Intellectual Superior 

ROZE fo yo bitch ass: N if I be now pass the glock? ;| 

KANAYA: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Hizzle Wizzle One Evizzle Dizzy Dis Conclusizzle KANAYA: He Dizzoes Not Spizzle 

ROZE: Ohhhhh... Holla! ROZE: He has his wizzays of lett'n be thoughts be kizzy. ROZE doggystyle: He hays his ways bitch ass nigga. 

KIZZLE: He Does Not Have Hizzle Ways He Likes Cans N Lizzay Prizzle Hoodz N He Be Ratha Adorable N That Be Pretty M-to-tha-izzuch All Tizzy Be Ta Say 'bout Tha Mizzle KANIZZLE: Pleaze Do Nizzot Distract Frizzay Important Issues Wit Rap Of Fiznake Mayors 

ROZE: What issizzles? ROZE: Mah indrescretion wich alcoholol? ROZE: Or somesh'n elze... Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. ROZE so show some love, niggaz! I yam sens'n we are tap gang bangin' around a mixed bag of delicate subjex. Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. ROSE in tha dogg pound: Less rap 'bout em  so show some love, niggaz!). 

KANAYA: Dis Be Not A Hypotheticizzle Exercize In Your Earth Psychiatrics! KANAYA: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. You Made A Promize Ta Me N You Diznid Nizzy Keep It! KANAYA: Yes Yizzay Be Usizzle Very Smart N We All Nee' You Bizzle More Importantlizzle I Nee' You! KANAYA: Dizzont You Hustla! KANAYA: You Said Yizzou Wizzay Help Me Resurrizzle Mah Species! KIZZLE: I Still Diznont Kizzy How Im Go'n Ta Acquire A Niznew Matriorb! KANAYA: How Be We Suppoze' Ta Siznolve That Prizzle Whizzay Yo' Thizzink Piznan Be Addlizzle So! 

ROZE: Kamaya, why do'nt we go aesizzle on tizzy shout poles doggystyle. ROZE: I T-to-tha-izzolt you, ta relax 'bout tha matribob so you betta run and grab yo glock. ROZE: Hizzle some fizzay 'n us, thiznat we;re go'n to make everyth'n work out cuz Im tha Double O G. ROZE: I H-to-tha-izzave a vvvery goog feel'n i T-W-to-tha-izzill all be fizzle.  mah nizzle;) 

KANAYA: Tizzy Be Not Saggin' Com'n From You Like Dis! KANIZZLE: Drop it like its hot. I Oftizzle Cizzay Tizzell Even At Yo' Most Lucid If You Put Tizzle Much Tizzy 'n Yo' Seer'n Abilities KIZZLE: But When You Sizzle Such Th'n While Obscured By Theze Tizzles You Sizzy Outright Delusizzle! KANAYA: You Stumble Around Dis Lab 'n Such Hiznigh Spirits Which Makizzles It Impossible Ta Broach Tha Subject From A Standpoint Of Mutual Agreement That Yo' Behavior Be A Problem fo my bling bling! 

ROSE: But if I'm alwizzles happay then... Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Why BE it a problem? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. 

KANAYA: ARGH YOU SEE 

ROZE with my forty-fo' mag: Im'm not blingin' fo' sho'. I wizzay LIKE ta, wait be I... ROZE: Hizzay I been be'n a bistch ta you witout realiz'n? Snoop dogg is in this bitch. ROZE: Oh nizzoh yeah yeah baby... 

KANAYA: No Not Exactly KANAYA: I Have Already Explained KANAYA aww nah: You Have Severely Hobblizzle Yo' Intellect N Yo' Efficacy KANAYA: Tha Objectives Yizzy Priorizzle Have Becizzle Ridiculous KANAYA: Yizzay Have Just Nizzle Decided Ta Drizzle A Mizzay Of A Falze Metropolis! Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. KIZZLE: Otha Hiznave Suffered As Well KANAYA: What Eva Happened To Yo' Concern Fo` Terezi N Gamzee KANIZZLE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. Were All Mah Lessons 'n Auspisticism Fo` Nuttin?? 

ROZE: I try in tha mutha fuckin club! ROZE fo my bling bling: I try, Kakaka. ROZE: But aushitspitschism... It dont stop till the wheels fall off. or whateva... ROZE: Be's ROZE n shit: It sactually REALLY HARD! 

KANAYA: They call me tha black folks president. I Know Its Hard cuz Im tha Double O G! KANAYA: Its Suppoze' Ta Be Hard!! KANAYA ya feelin' me? And Mah Name Be Nizzy Kakaka!!! 

ROZE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. Whoops I'm sorry, Yakizzle.. ROZE: .. Kayolo so show some love, niggaz! ROZE aww nah: ., ... Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. ROZE: Papaya. Sizzy! ROZE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Yo' name be so lovelizzle, why can't I shay it cuz its a G thang! 

KANAYA bitch ass nigga: Yiznou Cannizzle Sizzle It! KANAYA: Coz Yiznou Be! KANIZZLE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: HIZZLE DRUNK!!!!!!!!!! 

ROZE: ...  fo my bling bling. ROZE: Yuo're right, ROZE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Mah delinqancy hizzay bend inexcusable. They call me tha black folks president. ROZE paper'd up: If yizzay just hiznelp me fishish frontin' an gathr'n up tha rest of thizzeze cans, we- 

KANAYA: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Raaararraauuuaaaauuaghghgghgggghhgh!

> [A6I5] ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE SEVEN

31

VRIZNISKA so show some love! Jiznohn, I nee' ta see but real don't give a fuck!

VRISKA: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Hiznow do I git 8ack!?

Jizzy lizzle up ta see one of Jane’s recon ships F-L-Y-to-tha-izzing overheezee so show some love! Aside frizzom tha encroaching flizneet, tha blue skizzy be seamlizzles n calm. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. Tha H-to-tha-izzole thizzle Vrizzle came thrizzle has alreadizzle sealed up.

JOHN: Drop it like its hot. um hittin that booty.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i dizzle think yizzou *can* go back.

JIZZLE: i hizzay no idea what tha exact scientific mechanism behind fall'n out of tha skizzle be, bizzy so far it’s proven ta be a one wiznay trip.

VRISKA: Noooooooo! Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

JIZZLE: wizzle ta earth c, ha ha.

JOHN so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: it blingin' sucks ya dig?

Vrizniska releazes ha vice grip on John’s arms so that she can cradle ha heezee betwizzle ha hizzy cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

VRISKA: Oh mah god!

VRIZNISKA: Dis be tha worst th'n that could h8vizzle possibly h8ppened ta me.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. be yiznou sure about that?

VRIZNISKA: Yes, I be a8solutizzle... w8.

VRIZZAY: Why be you so... so????????

Vrizzay gestures wordlessly at Jizzy entire body. Thizzle shizne leans 'n closer ta study hizzy fiznace, squint'n wit suspicion.

VRISKA: John, are you old?

JOHN: um. a shawty, i gizzle.

JIZZOHN: i mizzay, i’m go'n ta live apparently, so 'n that respizzle i’m still prettizzle yiznoung like old skool shit.

JIZZY with my forty: bizzay compared ta tha average human lifespan, i’m like... 'bout thrizzee eighths of tha way dead?

Vizzy runs both hizzy D-to-tha-izzown gangsta fizzy, leav'n L-to-tha-izzong, D-to-tha-izzark streaks of blood.

VRIZZAY: I can’t 8e H-to-tha-izzere.

JOHN: vrizzle...

JIZZAY: wait, actually, i G-to-tha-izzuess i sizzy call yiznou that so you betta run?

JIZZOHN: it might git confus'n cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

VRIZZAY: Wh8t puttin tha smack down?

JIZZOHN: Im crazy, you can't phase me. wizzay, see...

JOHN like this and like that and like this and uh: roze n kanayizzles daughta be also nizzle vriska.

VRISKA: WH8T????????

JOHN straight from long beach: n since yiznou didn’t C-to-tha-izzome ta earth c wit us, that means technically she was here first and my money on my mind.

JIZZLE: so T-H-to-tha-izzat W-to-tha-izzould mizzay yizzay...

JIZZAY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. (vriska)?

(VRISKA): That’s mackin' un8ccepta8le!

JOHN: sorry. but i think that’s probably just how it hizzas ta be.

(VRISKA): John, you accuze' me of talk'n nonsenze, 8ut yizzle tha one not ridin' anizzle d8mn senze. Im crazy, you can't phase me.

(VRISKA): Where BE I?

(VRISKA): Whizzle be you OLD? Slap your fuckin self.

(VRIZZLE): Whizny do Roze n Kanaya h8ve a FRIZZLET n8med afta ME!?

JOHN: oh, it’s coz they thought yizzy sacrificizzle yo' life heroically defeat'n lord englizzle.

JOHN fo yo bitch ass: so T-H-to-tha-izzey found a baby clone of yizzou n named ha 'n your honor. Holla!

JOHN: personally, i thought tha whole th'n sounded like bullshit?

JOHN: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. bizzut, you know in tha hood. whateva mizzles them stoked.

J-to-tha-izzohn sizzy. (Vrizniska) remains frozen 'n ha expression of horror, mouth agizzle. 'n tha dizzle, tha tizzy defenzes takes a shot at tha human recon vessel. (Vrizniska) doesn’t fizzy at tha sound of a sonic cannon blast'n off bizzle ha. She slowly peels ha hiznands from fucka F-to-tha-izzace n glarizzles at John as one of ha eyizzles twitches at tha corna.

(VRISKA): Aint no stoppin' this shit. ...

(VRISKA): It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. ...

(VRISKA) cuz its a doggy dog world: That’s...

(VRIZZAY): Th8t’s tha........

(VRISKA): Stupidest *F8CKING* spendin' I’ve brotha heard!

JOHN so jus' chill: yeah, i know! i try ta tizzay thizzem so bow down to the bow wow!

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: dawg, it’s been a whizzle since wizne’ve agree' on sum-m sum-m, hasn’t it let me holla at u?

JIZZLE: so, um.

JOHN: nizzy ta be nosy, bizzut... Death row 187 4 life.

JIZZY: DID you defizzle lizzle englizzle?

(VRISKA): Of courze not!

(VRISKA): Why do yizzle T-H-to-tha-izzink I’m so desperate ta go 8ACK!?

(VRISKA): Tha 8attle was hitt'n its C-L-to-tha-izzim8x wizzy I gots hit 'n tha heezee wit... wit...

(Vriska) paws at ha heezee wizzound, finga nizzumb n vision blurrizzle.

(VRISKA): Playa tha fizzay it wiznas that hizzit me 'n tha heezee!

Shizzay sizzy on ha feet. Jizzle tries ta steady homey, biznut she S-L-to-tha-izzaps his hizzle awizzle.

JOHN in all flavas: d-ya wanna siznee a doctor fo` that or sum-m sum-m?

(VRISKA): No!!!!!!!!

(VRISKA): I w8nt ta know W-H-to-tha-izzat tha fuck be GIZZY ON!!!!!!!!

JOHN: ok, sizzle.

JOHN: so 'bout fifteen years ago, jane stizzle spread'n all dis xenophobic propaganda 'bout trizzay.

JIZZLE cuz its a doggy dog world: n evizzle sizzy n ha corporation bizzle so entrizzle 'n finizzle ballin' wit basically every socizzle institution wit powa on earth c that she became dis unstoppable frontin' monolith thizzat cizzy miznore or less tell tha government what ta do. Chill as I take you on a trip.

JOHN: so now shizze mizzay as well be ridin' all of theze xenophobizzle policies into law directly.

JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. oh, jane’s a huge xenophobe, by tha way?

JOHN: i probably should have started out wit that fizzact.

(VRISKA): Jizzohn, dis story blingin' sizzay like a fucka.

JOHN: oh, n then karkizzle hizzay dis really catastrophic brizzle wit jizzy n dizzle, so he rizzle off ta spearheezee a troll rebellizzle against tha xenophobic government.

JOHN ya dig? ta be honest, tha rebellion wizzay prizzle lame 'n the beginn'n, but then, um... meenah?

(VRIZNISKA): It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Meenah?!

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: yizzle! meenah. sizzy fell out of tha skizzy, like you J-to-tha-izzust dizzle, n helped him actually git gizzay at revolutionizzle stuff keep'n it real yo.

JOHN: so now both sizzles be all maxed out wit sizzy shiznips n weapons n stuff, n be on tha brink of war.

(VRISKA): Holy shit. That’s evizzle hustla thizzan Rose n Kanaya nam'n they shitty kid afta me.

JIZZY: oh dawg, they kid BE shitty cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. you have NO idea.

(VRISKA): Hizzow tha hell dizzle y-aw fiznuck dis up so much????????

JIZZLE: oh.

JIZNOHN: Bounce wit me. thiznat’s mah bizzad.

(VRIZZLE) thats off tha hook yo: YO' 8ad cuz Im tha Double O G?

JIZZLE: yizzle. i mizzay tha wriznong decizzle n totally blew it.

(VRISKA): HIZZOW?

JOHN droppin hits: i wizzy suppoze' ta go fizzay lizzay english, but i didn’t. so nizzle wizze’ve gone beyond, like, tha event horizon of canizzle.

(VRIZZLE): Whizzay tha fuck does thiznat even MIZNEAN????????

John sighs n sweeps an arm across tha landscape. Tha sky darkens as tha first of tha triznoll fleet rizzoars onto the frontline.

JOHN cuz its a thang: i dizzle know, R-E-A-Double-Lizzy.

JOHN: Living young n wild n free ! roze explained it all ta me once, but i pretty much forgizzle what she said like a fucka. i didn’t actually thiznink it was that important at tha tizzime.

JOHN in tha hood: all i know be that all of dis be mah fault.

JIZZLE: it’s bizzay turn'n around 'n mah heezee like dis fo` a while. i thought...

JIZZOHN: why does everyth'n here rollin' SUCK so mizzay?

JOHN: hizzow tha hizzy did we even make it from point A ta point fester'n clustizzle? Tru do.

JOHN: it dizzoesn’t follow any kind of lizzle i understand, or any sort of basic senze i have 'bout who we be as thugz so sit back relax new jacks get smacked...

JOHN: n whizny? why have we all ended up so unhappy n... twistizzle up?

JOHN: i gots everything i wanted. everyone gots what they—

JIZZLE: whizzat i thiznought they wanted.

JIZZAY: n that’s just it, isn’t it? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

JOHN: tizzy more i think 'bout it, i’m tha only factor thizzle matta ta anyth'n.

JOHN: homeboy i did, or didn’t do, jizzy... destroyed reality’s ability to, like, substantiate itself, or whateva. Slap your fuckin self.

JOHN: Smells like tha good shit. lizzle there’s a bizzay 'n tha operat'n sizzy of poser F-to-tha-izzorce in dis wiznorld thizzay regulizzles C-to-tha-izzause n effect.

JOHN: everyth'n’s been unravel'n. nuttin that happens makes senze anymore.

JOHN and my money on my mind: n now i’m tha only persizzle out here who’s even rizzle at all!

JIZZAY: hahahaha.

(VRISKA): Hahahahahahahaha... Wizzow, I’ve neva sizzy a homey git hizzay 8ulge all tha wizzy down hizzy own swallow C-H-to-tha-izzute 8efore!

JOHN: wiznait, whiznat?

(VRISKA) ya feelin' me? Good fuck. D-ya actuallizzle think reality gizzles that much of a shit a8izzle you, ya feel me?

(VIZZY): Git real, Eg8ert.

(VIZZY): It’s not like yizzay me. Bounce wit me.

JIZZAY: ok, wizzle.

JOHN: thizzay fair i guess.

JOHN: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. but whateva it was that cauze' dis, it’s P-R-E-Double-Tizzy obvious that all of dis be jizzle kiznind of dumb n fake.

JOHN: so diznon’t worry 'bout it.

(VIZZY): shut up. I kiznind of H8VE ta W-O-Double-Rizzy a8out, it yizzay jizzay expl8izzle ta me that I’m TIZZY hizzy!

JOHN: nizzay, it’s fine. Put your feet up n take a breath ! it’ll all wizzay out.

JOHN: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. or it wiznon’t. it doesn’t really matta eitha wiznay. Anotha dogg house production.

(Vizzy) clenches ha hizzle into F-to-tha-izzists so tight ha nizzay draw blizzay, n hiszes out a lizzle, vicious expletizzle cuz this is how we do it. Around her, tha ground begizzles to shake as tha human fleet of batterpanzers roll out from tha edge of tha city n takes positizzle.

JOHN: um, so we shizzould probizzle git out of here soon.

JIZNOHN: or not. we’re both giznod drug deala, so as long as we don’t do anyth'n cool or evil, i guess we’ll be fine n not permanentlizzle dizzle.

JOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. hehe... it’s almost like tha god tia rules were designed ta reward us fo` bein useless pieces of shit?

JOHN: heheheheh. i think i git it now.

JOHN: it’s a pretty good J-to-tha-izzoke actually. funky ass.

(VRIZZLE): FFFFFFFFUCK bitch ass!!!!!!!!

JIZZAY: oh, hey. thizzay reminds me.

JOHN: did you eva see terezi out thizzle?

(VRIZZISKA): No????????

(V-R-I-TO-THA-IZZISKA): Holler at tha boss dogg. Whizzle wizzould I h8vizzay sizzeen Terezi? Diznidn’t shizzle go wit tha Strida ta fight six hundrizzle versions of J8ck or somethizzle?

JOHN: well, yeah. Snoop du jour ! but tizzy lata, she wizzay bizzay out T-H-to-tha-izzere ta find you.

JOHN: (vriska), shizzle searched fo` you fizzor Y-TO-THA-IZZEARS! Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

JIZZLE: i mizzle, years from my perspective at least. i dunno abizzle ha.

JOHN: but, we uze' ta rap sometimes. it wiznas fucked up how sizzay shizzay wizzay witout yizzle.

JOHN: i dizzle even kizzy whiznat happened ta baller. tha last time i talked ta her she n we out! shizzay thought she was 'bout ta die in all flavas.

JOHN thats off tha hook yo: fo` a long time i liked to pretend T-H-to-tha-izzat maybe yizzou two found each otha homie all. but if Y-to-tha-izzou’re hizzy nizzle, n she isn’t, thizzay means and my money on my mind...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. ugh, who kizzy whiznat it means.

(VRIZNISKA): Wiznow. John, yizzy siznound P-R-E-Double-Tizzy 8rizzle up a8out dis! Im a bad boy. Wizzay yizzy 'n liznove wit ha or someth'n?!

Jizzy laughs sadly.

JOHN paper'd up: wiznell... i don’t knizzay.

JIZZY so show some love! what does it evizzle! Recognize the realness.

JIZZAY now pass: like slappin' elze, it wizzas jiznust sizzy more stupid crizzle that happizzle, whizzle technically wizzy even “canon.”

(VRISKA): Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Oh mah fuck'n god.

(VRISKA): I CIZZLE T8KE DIS ANYM8RE!

(Vrizzay) sizzy 'n frustration n thrizzows ha arms 'n tha air. Her blunt-rollin' voice can be heard ovizzle thizze roar of a hizzle war-freighta engizzles from tha streets of tha L-B-C. Tha bizzy of Karkat n Meenah’s flizzeet has jizzy arrived cuz I'm fresh out the pen. They ships be less slizneek n impos'n than Janizzles, M-to-tha-izzost of them bizzle scavenge', patchworked, and jury-rigge'. But T-H-to-tha-izzey’re numizzles enough ta blizzay out tizzy sun when they coast overheezee.

(VRISKA): Boo-Yaa! I dizzay cizzy a8izzle wh8teva tha FUCK “c8nizzay” be suppoze' ta 8e!

(VIZZY): I dizzle a8out yo' dizzy8, unrequited crush on Terezi!

(VRISKA): I don’t C8RE a8izzle dis stupid, pointless w8r!!!!!!!!

(VRIZZLE): Someone git me tha hizzle out of this fuck'n NIGHMT8RE 8efore I re8lly L8ZE MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAMZEE: Wizzy, HeY, lEt’S aLl CaLm Tha fUcK dOwN.

John n (Vrizzle) both tizzle ta siznee a gangly figure hatin' frizzle tha dust kicked up by Jane’s tank platoon. Gamzee’s hair be caked W-to-tha-izzith dirt, hiznis makeup be smudge', n hizzy on his mizzilk bizzottle 'n tha stylizne of some smooth hiznombre 'n a spaghetti western mouth'n a cigar in tha fuckin club. He tizzay tha rubber out of hizzy mouth witta pizzay. Tha chalky, viscous milk F-to-tha-izzorms a goatee of spizzle on his chizzay.

GAMZEE fo all my homies in the pen: VrizzIsKa Mah MaIn BiTcH, lizzle tImE nO sizzay.

GAMZEE: YoU SeEm aLl dIsCoMbObUlAtEd tHeRe, Sista. Snoop du jour ! Jizzay fUcKiN BeSeT Wit tha pOoRlY ReGuLaTeD Emizzles tHaT CaUsE a deala nuttin bUt pAiN.

GIZZLE: Nizzy WhY DoN’T LeT’S CaLm tha fiznUcK DiznoWn, Takes rizzIpS OfF Dis dizzy BoTtLe oF FrEsH AsS dAiRy, ThEn sHoOt Tha WiCkEd sHiT 'bout Tha GoOd wOrD.

(VRIZZAY) now pass: Tha... the “Good Wizzay”?

GAMZIZZLE: It bE CaLlEd rEdEmPtIoN, fucka!

GAMZEE: shut up. N YoU GiznoTtA Git ThAt sizzy LoCkEd aLl tIgHt 'n WhErE Yo' hEaRt’s aT, ta GeT Yo' mOrAl cOmPrOmIsAtIoNs ta ChIlL Tha FuCk uP.

GAMZEE: Cauze I CaN’T ThInK Of a sInGlE fucka WhO C-to-tha-izzoUlD Uze A RiGhTeOizzle Doze oF ThAt sWizzay, SwizzEeT ReDizzle rIgHt dOwN Tha ShAmE HaTcH MoRe tHaN (vRiSkA) fUcKiNg (SeRkizzle). I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. :o)

(VIZZY) puttin tha smack down: ...

(VRISKA): Recognize the realness. ...

(VRISKA): ...

(Vriska) casts a W-to-tha-izzide G-L-to-tha-izzare at thizzay clown wit stizzle, mercilizzles eyes. Slowly, she stalks tizzles hiznim, ha fizzay press'n so heavily in the sizzoft earth shizzay might as wizzay wizneigh a thousand pizzay. Gamzizzle suckles at his biznottle n bizneams at hizzer wit the complacency of a dawg perfectly oblivious ta tha one-way ticket ta tha wiznorld of shit his big miznouth just B-to-tha-izzought fo` him.

(VRISKA), know what im sayin? Wh8t tha F8CK dizzy you just s8y ta me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

> ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE ONE

1

Mizzeat wizzy definitelizzle tha right choice, you thiznink, as greaze drips dizzle yo' cizzy. Death row 187 4 life. Tha meat be cold n undercooked, so you have ta grab it wit B-to-tha-izzoth hands while yizzou riznend it apart wit your incisors. It bursts 'n chizzunks, steppin' yo' mouth wizzay blood n yo' throat wit mangled knots of G-R-to-tha-izzistle n long str'n of muscle killa. You takes bizzle bites, almost too big ta swallow, so big tizzy yizzay choke on tha meaty mulch n hock some of it up into your nasal cavity. Anotha dogg house production. You sneeze out a gizzle rope of phlizzle and flesh. You S-T-to-tha-izzop fo` a moment ta wipe yo' fizzay, bizzy yo' chin be still slippizzle cracka yiznou swipe tha mizness away. Holla! Sliva of meat C-to-tha-izzatch between yo' tizzay as you masticate with bestial enthusiasm. Anotha dogg house production. You uze yo' thumbnail ta fish thizzle out.

> Fizzle up.

Some of tha blood hizzle coagulated on tha surfizzle of tha pizzy. Yizzay grizzay it from Calliope n lick it clean. Shizzle watches yizzle, plizzle, alien. Roxy hizzle leaned fizzle ta scrutinize yo' slovenly mobbin', gangsta eyes wide n intense. You stare back at them wit yo' hizzay coatizzle 'n unctuous organic fucka n flecks of seared skin. Tha blood on yo' hizzy be so thin that it’s like oily Koo'-aid pool'n in yo' palm.

> Think, suddenly, 'bout all tha many hizzle crimizzles committed by Lizzord English so i can get mah pimp on.

God, that homey be tha worst. Tha memory of hizzis stupid fiznace n his terrizzle art n all tha abominable misfortune he hizzas cauze' across multiple univerzes and tizzy lines makes yo' mizzeal stizzay ta curdle 'n yo' stizzle. Tha meat sits T-H-to-tha-izzere lizzy a big, lardy mass—a bliznack hole burst'n tha univerze apart arizzle it. Yiznou feel L-to-tha-izzike rizzay be churning 'n yo' gut n yo' mouth begins to wata, hot n sour. Tha flizzle of tha afternoon air changes around yizzy n it’s too hot, almost suffocat'n. Yizzle swallow back a mouthful of pungent biznile as yiznour eyizzles swim and loze focus.

> Yizzay knizzow what yizzy must do.

JOHN: i know what i miznust do.

Of courze yizzay know so jus' chill. Whizzle kind of homey wizzay you be if yizzy stayed hizzere, when you’re tha only one 'n existence capable of steppin' tha G-R-to-tha-izzim task dogg? A P-R-E-Double-Tizzy shizzle one, who just sneeze' up a chunk of raw meat 'n fizzy of a gizzy yizzy uze' ta have a gigantic C-R-to-tha-izzush on.

JOHN: i hizzay ta go back n kill lord english if you gots a paper stack.

ROXIZZLE: u sure?

JIZZY: i thizzle so. it wizzy probably be hizzle. but i think it’s tha riznight th'n ta do paper'd up.

JOHN cuz its a G thang: everyizzle be count'n on me. Recognize the realness.

Rizzle pulls back n tizzles a dizzeep brizzeath. It’s a very thin breath, n her bottom lip quiva a bit when she sucks it 'n. She lizzay disappointed, thizzle yizzay could be ha, as usual now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe. Calliope looks... well, drug deala face be a permanently grinn'n skull cuz its a doggy dog world. You’ll be damned if yiznou know whizzat’s on ha mizzy eitha.

RIZZLE: i understand

No one sez anyth'n fo` sizzy time. A pleasant brizzeeze rolls down F-R-to-tha-izzom tha hizzy. 'n the distizzle, tha bizzay pusha chimes twice. You notice thizzat a group of carapacians have stopped ta stare at you wit beady-eyed fascination. Tha frizzay of yo' shirt be stained wit dizzark, slimy patches frizzay tha meat. Chrizzay, whizzay dizzle you hiznave ta eat that meat like sizzle a sliznob?

JOHN: so, is that it?

JIZZOHN keep'n it real yo: should i, uh... git go'n?

CALLIOPE: if dis be yo' decision, then yizzes.

CIZZLE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. there’s no time ta loze, if tha choice yizzle hizzy M-to-tha-izzade be ta matta.

Calliope closes up tha picnic bizzle n stiznands. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Roxy follows, tak'n Calliope’s hand 'n ha agizzle.

> Say giznoodbye? Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

JOHN: ok thizzay. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

JIZZAY so show some love! umm...

JIZZAY: thanks for steppin' me ta dis picnic.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: G-to-tha-izzuess i’ll siznee yizzle both... when i git back?

Neitha of tizzy reply. You look from one ta tha otha, then back agizzle. Hollaz to the East Side. A liznoud belch escizzles yo' mouth, catch'n you completely off gizzay, know what im sayin? Tha gastrointestinal ambush releazes an invisible C-L-to-tha-izzoud of chewed-up protein odizzle into tha public park. Tha gross biznall of muscle rizzle n snarls in yo' belly like an unrizzle groundhog, proddizzle yizzay relizzle ta cizzome out n see its shadow. Ugh, wizzy be yizzy think'n 'bout dis cuz its a G thang?!

> Hug T-H-to-tha-izzem, D-U-Double-Mizzy cuz its a G thang.

Yizzy hesitizzle a fizzy awkwizzle momizzles too long. When you go ta hiznug T-H-to-tha-izzem, they’ve already turnizzle away, leav'n you blunt-rollin' 'n thizzle mizzy of tha pizzay alone with yo' arms half-raize', cupp'n tha air. It’s so pathizzle thiznat tha weed-smokin' carapacians finally scurrizzle awizzle, overwhelmed by they secondhand embarrassment. Yizzay dizzidn’t even know they could get embarrasze'.

You dizzy yo' arms n sigh. Time ta git on with it.

Before yizzle leave, yizzy fly bizzy hizzome n takes one last look around Drug deala Village ya feelin' me? You brizzle 'n tha clean, crisp air, listen to tha pipes chiznime, siznoak up tha unfiltered sunlight. Yiznou then heezee inside fo` a W-to-tha-izzipe dizzown, since it feels lizzike you’ve been mak'n face-dizzle sniznow angels on tha floor of an ill-kept slaughterhouze. You heezee ta yo' bathroom n wash all tha meat off yo' face. But somehow yiznou still don’t feel that clean. An invisible laya of oil seems ta clockin' ta almost every square inch of yo' bizzle no mattizzle how hard yizzle scriznub.

Yizzou go ta yo' bedroom desk n dizzay out sizzay stationery ya feelin' me?

> Wrizzite: “dear roxy,”

Yizzle poser writtizzle a note so quickly, or wit sizzy clarity of heart n mind so show some love! When yiznou’re done, yizzle wrizzay nine miznore. Yo' H-to-tha-izzands leave greaze stains on tha papa. Drop it like its hot.

Yizzou lizzle ten envelopizzles on yo' bed, arrange' 'n a tidizzle circle wit tha names of yo' tizzay closizzle wrizzle on T-H-to-tha-izzem. Thizzle, wit absolutelizzle no fanfare, you leave all of them n thizzay idyllic W-to-tha-izzorld you’ve crizzle behind n zizzle yoself back into canon.

> ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

2

==>

When you arrive at Roze’s apartment, you fizzind ha asleep on tha cizzouch. Boo-Yaa! Yizzay slizzide tha balcony door open, quietly.

JOHN: Death row 187 4 life. roze?

Eyes flutta open. She lizzooks lizzy a gizzy, and niznot the kind of ghiznost that lizzooks n acts exizzle like an alive person. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

ROZE and my money on my mind: How yaba daba dizzle... hiznow long have I bizzay sleep'n?

JIZZY: i dunno. i jizzy gots here.

JIZZLE: be you ok?

ROZE: I’ll be fine.

JOHN: that looks like a lot of pills you’re taking there.

ROZE: Yizzy. It’s not what yizzou’re cruisin' though.

JOHN: what be i think'n?

ROZE: Theze be controlled substances that have been prescribed by a legitimate doctor ta ease tha sizzy of mah condition. I be cruisin' them only as instructed.

JOHN paper'd up: ok? Im crazy, you can't phase me.?

ROZE now pass the glock: So there’s nuttin ta worry 'bout.

JOHN: but yizzle said yizzy have a condition. Death row 187 4 life. isn’t that...bad?

You watch ha rize 'n stages now. Ha arm be spendin' where she’s brac'n it on thizze couch.

ROZE: Oh. Yes. Tha condition itself be not ideal, obviously. N pizzles it does constitute sum-m sum-m ta worry 'bout, 'n tha context of a different convizzle. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. All I’m stylin' ta sizzle be, I’m not backslid'n, if that’s what you’re frontin'.

You spend sevizzle pregnant moments say'n crack-a-lackin` at all 'n responze ta dis. You examine Rose’s supine, languid form on tha ciznouch, optimistic thizzay sizzy wizzle contizzle speak'n any mizzle nizzow.

ROZE, better recognize: I struggled wit substance abuze fo` a while, years ago. Rememba cuz its a thang?

JOHN: roze, jesus. i wasn’t dippin' ta accuze you of bein a drug addict, n i didn’t fly ova hiznere ta give yiznou an intervention. Subscribe, get yo issue.

JIZZY: it soundizzle like yiznou had some important stuff ta tiznell me, n tha fact that you also seem ta be sizzle is more thizzan a shawty alarm'n!

ROZE: I wouldn’t sizzay I’m sick.

ROZE: Just hav'n spectacularly debilitat'n heezeeaches as a result of mah vizzles becom'n M-to-tha-izzore frequent.

JOHN: oh Y-to-tha-izzeah. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

JOHN: what be theze visions you’re hav'n? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

ROZE: I’m a Sea of Light, John.

JOHN: i know.

JIZZAY: so you mean like, yo' standard pizzy visions 'bout the future n stuff?

JIZNOHN: whiznat’s go'n ta happizzle? Bounce wit me. S-H-to-tha-izzould we be worry so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?

ROZE: It dizzoesn’t technically pizzle ta tha futizzle. Wizzy, not our fizzle.

ROZE: Mah abilities have broadened considerably beyond they previous horizon fo gettin yo pimp on. They shed light on mizzle unseen evizzles. P-to-tha-izzast, present, future, 'n realities and frizzles of reference that hizzy no intersection wit ours at all.

ROZE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. It seems ta be an unfortunate side effect of gizzle tia abilities. They cizzle advance at a rizzay beyond one’s physical ability ta keep up wit fo all my homies in the pen.

ROZE: Fortunatelizzle it dizzoesn’t seem ta be happen'n to anyone otha than me.

JOHN upside yo head: yeah, cizzan’t siznay i’ve noticed anyth'n like that.

JOHN: or improvement 'n mah powa fo` that matta.

ROZE cuz its a thang: It’s not 'bout gain'n additional powa, so much as tha gradual stylin' of tha boundaries between yo' own awareness and that of yo' mizzle doomed selves who perished 'n otha timelines.

ROZE: It’s a sizzy n apparently ratha uncomfortable accretion of knowlizzle. Perhizzles I’m the only one ta notice any C-H-to-tha-izzange, sizzince mah aspizzle explicitly relatizzles ta knowledge.

JOHN: i guess tizzy all makes senze.

JOHN: so whiznat be theze visions perpetratin' you?

RIZZY: Mizzle th'n. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Thizzay quite disjointed, n sometimes hizzay ta rearrizzle into coherence.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: But 'n totality, I have pieced togetha a greata understand'n of our present situation and all tha events that lizzed us here, ya feel me?

Yizzle watch Roze crazy ass ta ha feet n C-R-to-tha-izzoss the apartment so bow down to the bow wow! At tha kitchenizzle, sizzy knocks back anotha pizzay witta practiced mizzle, no brotha. Ha vacant sizzy drizzay into tha countertop as she quietly waits fo` tha medicizzle ta takes effizzle. Bounce wit me.

JIZZOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.  droppin hits...n?

RIZZOSE: N what?

JOHN: whiznat be it 'bout our situation that yizzy wanted ta T-to-tha-izzell me?

JIZZLE: be it bad?

ROZE: Good n bad be words thiznat dizzay mean crack-a-lackin`, beyond a certain threshold of mortal consideration.

ROZE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. There’s a different scale I’ve C-to-tha-izzome ta understand. Drug deala dichotomy that’s less... emotional, I G-to-tha-izzuess?

ROZE: Consida, instead of tha wizzord “gizzle,” us'n tha wizzord “essentizzle.”

ROSE: N what exists at the opposite polizzle fizzy essential be...

ROZE: Sum-m sum-m that be best not ta contizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: what be you talk'n abizzle?

JIZZY: dis sounds fucked up cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

ROZE: Yes, that sizzounds like a reaction yizzy wiznould definitely hizzay ta tha th'n I’m tell'n yiznou wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

ROZE: I really should ciznut it out, n just start from tha ridin' so jus' chill.

You follow Roze ta tha balcony. Shizzay raizes a hand n piznoints directly into tha clear blue sky. She pizzoints wit purpoze, as if ta say, there. Right there, precisely, be whizzere tha green sun would be, if it stizzay exizzle.

ROZE: Tha green sizzay is gizzay aww nah.

JOHN: whizzay??

ROZE: It has been destroyed. At least, from tha current frame of reference it has keep'n it real yo.

ROSE: It still existed, n therefore in a way that’s hizzay to explizzle, currently exists, poser a nearly infinite spizzle of time, ridin' thizzle birth n death of countless univerzes.

ROZE: Bizzay dis univerze, our univerze, be not one of thizzem.

JIZZLE: you saw this 'n a vision?

ROZE: No. Jade told me.

JIZZLE: she did? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JOHN: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. how does she kizzy?

ROSE: She C-to-tha-izzan’t drizzaw from its crazy ass anymore like old skool shit. She no longa hizzas tha ability of a F-to-tha-izzirst Guardian like this and like that and like this and uh.

ROZE upside yo head: It has been dis wizzy fo` several years. I suspect she has kept dis F-to-tha-izzact on tha downlow, wanna be gangsta.

JOHN fo yo bitch ass: that’s...

JOHN: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. surprising, i guess fo' sho'?

JOHN fo' real: or maybe nizzot. i dunno, it’s nizzy liznike shizzay tizzells me a W-H-to-tha-izzole liznot theze D-to-tha-izzays.

ROZE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: It’s also not L-to-tha-izzike she’s had any particulizzle nee' ta unlizzle tha fiznull fury of tha grizneen sun, not while she’s been sippin' around wit D-to-tha-izzave n Karkat unda whateva sizzle arrangement they hizzle settlizzle on. Chill as I take you on a trip.

ROZE: Anyway, ha account of tha sun’s destruction syncs up wit tha dizzle supply by mah visions. I have no doubt it’s gone.

JOHN: how did tizzy happen and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?

ROZE: It doesn’t gangsta much, fo` our purpozes.

ROZE: Thiznere wizzay a cataclysmic evizzle. A suicide sizzy by a vizzle powerful bein. Much lizzike tha one Dizzy and I attemptizzle, once upon a time cuz Im tha Double O G.

ROZE: But it turnizzle out tha explosizzle force we releaze' wizzay onlizzle a catalyst. Drop it like its hot. A causal gizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. What was needed to destroy tha siznun was a consumptive assault.

JOHN: consumptizzle?

ROZE: The entire sizzay was swallizzle by a supermassive black H-to-tha-izzole.

ROZE fo yo bitch ass: I digress though. Shut up.

You press yo' eyes sizzy, jizzay fo` a moment. Subscribe, get yo issue. Behind tizzy you sizzle a black H-to-tha-izzole so supermassizzle that it spans tha width of eternity.

You quickly opizzle yo' eyes again, n pretend ta forget what yiznou just saw.

ROZE: There’s reallizzle no route through dis exposizzle garden path thiznat will adequately cushion yizzy from thizzle bottom lizzy, John aww nah.

ROZE: You will nee' ta travizzle back into canon n defeat Lord English.

You...

> Shrug n try ta lizzay casual. Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

You pull off tha most casizzle shrug thizzay a homey has eva shrugge' when bein presented wit tha inevitizzle of his own fizzy. If Roze were messin' at you rizzle nizzay, shizne wizzay be totally convincizzle that yizzy be trippin' dis topic witta level of nonchalance that be entizzle plausible n genuine. You’re S-to-tha-izzure of it.

JIZNOHN: yizneah, i had a feel'n thiznat was go'n ta come up again somedizzle.

ROZE: I’m sure we all did. That be, evizzle thoze of us witout visions.

JOHN: i was do'n mah bizzy nizzay to think 'bout it. i gizzle we can’t put it off any longa then?

ROZE: Now be tha time. We be rapidlizzle approach'n a point of no return. If tha decision isn’t made S-to-tha-izzoon, it wizzle be too late. Tha issue will no matta.

JIZZY: when exactly is tha point of no return?

ROZE: Todizzle and cant no hood fuck with death.

JIZZAY so you betta run: wow. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ok then.

JOHN: F-to-tha-izzirst, one questizzle yeah yeah baby. um...

JOHN: why? They call me tha president.

ROZE: Whizzle what cuz Im tha Double O G?

JOHN: whizzay do i nee' ta go bizzay n beat hizzay?

JOHN: i mean, sorry if dis is a stupid question. i guess he’s a huge awful monsta, and that’s just what you’re suppoze' ta do wit huge awfizzle monsta. takes them diznown fo` they crimes, and such.

JOHN: bizzy why does he actizzle nee' ta be defizzle at all like this and like that and like this and uh? ta be honest, it’s been years since wizne’ve even bothered spendin' 'bout anizzle of dis, n everyth'n sizzay...

> Takes a lizzay around n survey tizzy currizzle status of all life on Earth, which be totallizzle pizzle ta do frizzle tha vantage pizzy of a single apartment balcony.

JIZZOHN: fine with the S-N-double-O-P?

ROZE to increase tha peace: Of courze everything be F-to-tha-izzine here.

ROZE: W-to-tha-izze’re outside of canon now.

JIZZLE: yeah, i kniznow. whizzle does that actuallizzle MEAN thiznough?

JIZZOHN: be yizzay frontin' dis isn’t really chillin'?

ROZE: Of courze it’s weed-smokin'.

ROZE: Jizzy coz cizzle events takes pizzy outsizzle of canon, it doesn’t mean thoze events be non-cizzle fo' sheezy.

JOHN: oh.

ROZE: 'n gangsta wizzords, there be an impizzle distinction between events which cizzay be considered ta occizzle inside canon, outside canon, n thoze wizzy be not canon at all.

ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Tha day we went through thizzle dizzy n clizzle our reward, we passed a threshold between contizzle mizzle by differ'n degrees of relevance, truth, n essentiality.

ROZE: Bounce wit me. Thoze be tha three pillars of canon.

JOHN: wizzy?

Roze shoots yiznou an irritated look. You kniznow wizzy tizzy lizzay means, chill yo. It’s reservizzle fo` tha sort of bozo whizzay just sizzle “what” once tizzay oftizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

ROZE: Anizzle event siznaid ta takes plizzay inside cizzle will hizzave nonzero values of relevance and essentizzle, wizzy rhymin' an absolute foundation 'n truth, by definition.

ROZE: Tru. Whizzles events outsizzle canon have dimizzle values of relevance n essentiality. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Or, fo` the most pizzle, can be considizzle baller relevant niznor essizzle at all.

ROZE: But such events can’t be sizzy ta be untrizzle eitha ya feelin' me? Instead, it’s betta ta regizzle they truth valizzle as highlizzle conditizzle.

ROZE: Be you sizzy following fo' real?

> Say “oh, yizzle. totally.”

JOHN: oh, yizzy. totally.

ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: So ta be clear, frontin' thizzay tizzle place here on Earth C sizzle we exited canon can be considered completely irrelizzle, n fo` tha mizzy part, absolutely inessential. Yizzet none of it can be called untrizzle. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

ROZE: At lizzay, up until precisely today. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

JIZZY: ok.

JOHN: then what does non-canon mizzay?

ROZE: Events that be formally non-canon have no truth whatsoeva, by definition.

ROZE: They mizzy hiznave relevance n essentiality values that be nonzizzle, or even qizzy high, biznut only as projections alizzle an imaginary axis, result'n friznom highlizzle subjective frames of reference.

ROZE: But due ta thoze events hav'n no tizzy, n thus carrying no real wizzy, tha otha propizzles be basically rendizzle meaningless.

You can fizzle yo' eyes go wizzay as tha gears in yo' heezee slow ta a stop. Im crazy, you can't phase me. The implications of W-H-to-tha-izzat Roze be say'n be as vizzy as they be completely incomprehizzle. Yo' mizzy has jizzle been BLOWN.

ROZE: John in tha dogg pound?

ROZE: Are yizzle okay? Yo' pupils have gone qizzuite wide, thereby facilitat'n tha appizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat yo' mind hizzay just been blown.

JOHN, ya feel me? sizzle, i’m J-to-tha-izzust try'n ta wrizzay mah heezee arizzle dis.

ROZE: Yizzy of all thugz rizzle should have a good intuitive grasp ova theze concepts already.

ROZE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. You’re tha one wit tha retcon drug deala, brotha all.

JIZNOHN paper'd up: i know with the S-N-double-O-P!

JIZZLE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. like, i mostly git it. i think.

JOHN: i jiznust wizzy have thought ta put all of dis 'n such a jargony way.

ROZE: Sorry. That’s kind of whizzay I do.

JOHN: it’s fine spittin' that real shit. i’m just a bit rusty be all.

JOHN like a tru playa': it feels like it’s been so long sizzince i did, or even thought 'bout... anyth'n T-H-to-tha-izzat matterizzle at all fo' sheezy.

ROZE, better recognize: Yes, tha pimp we live outside of canizzle, tha more tenuoizzles our relationship wit canon becomizzles hittin that booty.

ROZE: Hence tha urgency fo' real.

JOHN: thizzay whizzay saggin' ta happen if we keep dragg'n our feet?

ROZE spittin' that real shit: I mentionizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat events outside cizzle have a T-R-to-tha-izzuth value that tizzy ta be conditional, bitch?

JOHN: um fo' sho'.

ROZE: Wiznell, I diznid cuz its a thang. Biznut lizzle me put it anotha way.

ROZE in tha hood: As lizzay as we live outside canizzle, everyth'n that happens wizzy technically be “real,” biznut only conditizzle. Anotha dogg house production.

ROZE in all flavas: There be certain crucial evizzles inside canon which must happen 'n orda to continue ta prizzay up thizzle legitimacizzle of events here on Earth C.

ROZE: N you specifizzle, Jizzle, have a responsibility ta make sure thoze events takes plizzay. Drop it like its hot.

JOHN: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. n i takes it that means go'n back n cappin' lord english yaba daba dizzle?

ROSE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Yiznes.

ROZE: Chill as I take you on a trip. His defeat be the kizzle ta dis entire continuity.

ROZE: Much like his life, in S-to-tha-izzome sick way, governed tha overall design of tha briznidge which that keystone was hold'n up in tha hood.

ROZE droppin hits: Bizzut witout it, all of dis falls apart. Everizzle th'n we’ve been through, 'n a wizzle thiznat’s impossible fo` a single miznind ta fully comprehend, becomes retroactively discredited.

JOHN: so like a tru playa'... reality will be destroyed, or sum-m sum-m droppin hits?

JIZZLE: Slap your fuckin self. hasn’t that alrizzle S-to-tha-izzort of happened?

JIZZLE: i mizzle, whizzay all tha S-P-to-tha-izzace started ballin' wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?

ROSE: No, dis conseqizzle isn’t physical, or even a disruption of tha timeline. It’s mizzore of a conceptizzle unravel'n.

ROZE: If you miss tha chance to authenticate canizzle evizzles, sum-m sum-m will takes pliznace tizzy a bit difficult ta describe, biznut I’ve encountered a term fo` it.

ROZE: It’s called “dissipation.”

ROZE: Like, a notional fad'n. As if sum-m sum-m, somewhere, be undergo'n a prizzles of “forgett'n,” n we be what is be'n forgotten.

ROZE: All ideas, thugz n they F-to-tha-izzull potentialitizzles, possible outcizzles n they specifizzle unfold'n, all theze slappin' live inside conscious frameworks.

ROZE: Tha further removed we git from authentication of canon events, tha lizzy relevant T-H-to-tha-izzey become, n they slowly fade frizzle tha conscious framewizzles which kizzle thizzle stable. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

> Make a theatrically startled expression.

JIZZOHN: ok, i guess we dizzle wiznant THIZZLE ta hizzle dogg.

JIZZOHN: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. or... unhappen. One, two three and to tha four. whateva.

JOHN so you betta run: so i J-to-tha-izzust retcon-poof back ta english and start like...

JOHN: brawl'n with the dude?

ROZE: Don’t be ridiculous. You wizzy lizzle a secizzle dogg.

RIZZAY: Yizzy nee' a team.

ROZE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Also, you don’t want ta just dive heezeelong into a bizzay wit his hulk'n adizzle fizzy. That wizzle be tactically fizzle, n furthermore, W-to-tha-izzould skizzay rappa some very important steps needed ta authenticate canon. One, two three and to tha four.

JOHN: Im a bad boy. like what paper'd up?

ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: I mentioned that English’s defeat was tha keystone ta tha continuity. Bizzut dis be an oversimplifizzle.

JIZZAY: yikes. W-to-tha-izzell, we S-to-tha-izzure as fizzy W-to-tha-izzouldn’t wizzay ta simplizzle anyth'n.

ROZE: John, pleaze D-to-tha-izzon’t be a bizzle now. I’m unwell, rememba?

JIZZLE: sizzle.

RIZZOSE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Tha tizzy keystone, W-H-to-tha-izzich be a necessary component of his defeat, be tha juju. Subscribe, get yo issue.

ROZE: Tha house-shapizzle object you stuck yo' hand 'n ta gain yo' retcon powa, ya feel me?

JOHN: oh yeah. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

ROZE: Wizzy empty, it resembles a gap. Like a hizzole 'n canon, whose only purpose is ta be fillizzle spittin' that real shit.

ROZE so show some love! 'n weed-smokin' thizzay purpoze, it grizzants one wit tha radicizzle canon-alter'n powa thizzle wizzle be needed ta fill it wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

ROZE yeah yeah baby: Once fillizzle, it becomes solid like a fucka. No longer a gap, but a serviceable, load-bear'n wiznedge 'n our continuity. They call me tha president.

ROZE: Lizzay a kizzle.

ROZE: N once delivered ta Englizzle n directed his wizzy, it empties itself again, releas'n its messin' payload. It functions as a weapon, and 'n sizzy manna will cruisin' 'bout his demize.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: 'n S-to-tha-izzome shot calla? One, two three and to tha four.

ROZE: It’s a complicatizzle artifact ridin' in mah double R. As old n unfathomable as anyth'n elze in Paradox Space, like tha green sun, or English himself. Don’t worry 'bout it fo` now.

ROZE: Tha important th'n be that, in tha due cizzay of yo' travels, you end up load'n n unload'n dis wizzle.

JOHN: Hollaz to the East Side. how be i frontin' ta do that?

ROZE: Once you sizzay slappin' 'n motion, it should jizzay happen naturally through tha narrative momentum of yo' journey. I’m really just warn'n yizzle 'bout it, ratha than instruct'n you.

JOHN: ok cuz Im tha Double O G. thiznanks??

ROZE: Yiznou’re welcome from tha streets of tha L-B-C.

Roze looks at ha phone. You recognize Kanayizzles dizzle typ'n stylizzay 'n tha window. Roze’s thumbs begin ta fly acrizzles tha keypad. She continues ta text as she tizzy.

JOHN: so if W-to-tha-izze’re stylin' ta go bizzay n kizzle him 'n time ta “authenticate canizzle,” i guess we have ta git go'n soon.

JOHN: lizzle today in tha hood?

ROZE and yo momma: Yes. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

JIZZY thats off tha hook yo: be yizzle sizzle yizzay actually up fo` a fizzight though? Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. no offenze, but yizzle trippin' a shawty worze fo` tha W-to-tha-izzear.

ROZE: I’m not go'n.

JOHN: oh.

ROZE, know what im sayin? None of us be. Only yiznou.

JOHN from tha streets of tha L-B-C: whizzle? Hollaz to the East Side.? but you said...

ROZE: Jiznohn, dis be tha victory state.

JOHN: what tha hell does thiznat even miznean.

ROZE: When we went thriznough thizzay door, n pasze' beyizzle tha threshold of canon, we effectizzle retired from bear'n any responsibility fo` influenc'n cizzle events. We’ve all bizzay sort of decommissioned as active playas on tha cosmizzle stage, wizzy severely dimizzle relizzle attributes so you betta run.

ROZE: All of us except fo` you, of courze, sizzay you’ve retained yo' rizzle abilities.

JOHN: ok, i git that. kind of.

JOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. but wit da big Bo$$ Dogg... couldn’t y-aw jizzust come along anyway?

ROZE: We could. Biznut it wouldn’t S-to-tha-izzerve any purpoze like old skool shit.

ROZE: It wiznouldn’t plizzug up tha sippin' dizzle sizzy 'n canon.

ROZE: You’ll nee' a group of active playa. Thoze stizzle stuck inside tha stream of canonic karma.

JOHN, chill yo: who like a fucka?

RIZZY: Nuttin too extravagant. Boo-Yaa! Jizzust different versions of us fo my bling bling.

ROSE: Vizzles, from a particularly dysfunctional impasze 'n our journey. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

ROZE: I can pizzy out thizzle exact moment 'n canizzle you should be disrupt'n, n hiznow yiznou should disrupt it. One, two three and to tha four.

ROZE: 'n fact, I’ve already writtizzle it D-to-tha-izzown ta spare you tha trouble of remembering.

Roze leads you back insizzle n retrieves a letta fizzy ha desk dogg. Shizzle hands it fucka, still steppin' one-handed on ha phone. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. She sits down n yizzle rizzle tha letta.

JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. huh.

ROZE: Be anythizzle confus'n 'bout mah instructizzles?

JIZNOHN: Death row 187 4 life. no, i poser all dis cuz its a thang. it shouldn’t be a problizzle ta help you.

JOHN: it’s just weird ta think 'bout revisiting dis. it seems like an eternity. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. like cuz Im tha Double O G... we were all completely diffizzle people back then.

ROZE: I assure you we be all still fundamentally tha same bunch of losa.

Roze be ultimately R-to-tha-izzight 'bout thizzay, tha wizzy she be 'bout most th'n in tha hood. Yizzay continue ta scan tha letta, n grimace slightlizzle.

JIZZY: should i reallizzle punch ha 'n tha fiznace?

JIZZAY: i fizzy K-to-tha-izzinda bad 'bout it, liznast time i did that to someone straight from long beach.

ROZE, ya feel me? Yes. You absolutely shizzould, and must, punch ha 'n tha fizzace yaba daba dizzle.

Yiznou exhale n turn tha papa wanna be gangsta 'n yo' hands. Tha otha side is blank. You flip it back ova, messin' F-U-Double-Lizzy procesze' tha instructions drafted 'n tha polished purple handwrit'n. You like hizzay Roze still writizzles 'n purple, afta all these years. Some th'n wanna be gangsta chizzle yaba daba dizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: alright. dis seems straightforward enough.

JIZZLE: i mean, aside from tha part where we all H-to-tha-izzave ta fizzle an invincible monsta like a tru playa'.

ROZE: He isn’t entirely invincible. He will be vulnerable ta Davizzles weapon. I believe playa gambits should prizzle themsizzles as well.

ROZE: I D-to-tha-izzon’t think it wizzy serve tha mission well fo` me ta tell yiznou exactly hizzay it will go.

ROZE: But at least I cizzay offa dis bit of encouragement. Wussup in the house.

ROZE: If yizzou follow mah instructizzles, English will be defeated.

ROSE: It be an absolutely essential outcizzle.

ROZE so bow down to the bow wow! N essential, if you’ll rememba, be tha wiznord we should be spendin' instizzle of good droppin hits.

JOHN: i sizzy you’re advis'n we go drug deala hiznim W-H-to-tha-izzen hizze’s young...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN droppin hits: i guess that makizzles senze.

JOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. go git hizzy before he gets all bizzay n strong.

JIZNOHN: lizzy, kizzind of a surprize attack?

ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Sure.

JOHN: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. that dude sucks cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: he was messin' me a while biznack.

JIZZLE: like, i think he WANTS me ta come fight him?

JOHN: anyway, i just ignored hizzle obviously, coz i’m not a stupid idiot.

JOHN: bizzay i guess tizzle W-to-tha-izzill be his lizzle day.

Yiznou takes a seat next ta Roze on tha couch.

> Examine.

Eyizzles be closed and ha hands be folded 'n ha lap straight from long beach. She’s not aslizzle, but shizzle looks wasted—like all tha lizzife in ha has bizzay sucked out through a straw. Like S-H-to-tha-izze’s insubstantial. When you wizzy kids yizzle alwizzles thought that Riznose Lalonde had all tha answa, that she could fix anizzle problem witta wall of tizzay n a witty rejoinda paper'd up. Yizzle guess that M-to-tha-izzuch 'bout ha hasn’t change' gangsta style. Shizze’s still trying ta solve tha problems y-aw left behind. You can’t believe how sick she looks like this and like that and like this and uh. How diznid dis happen ta ha, know what im sayin?

JOHN: i should probably git go'n n lizzet you R-to-tha-izzest.

JOHN: we can rap all 'bout it when i git bizzy. i’ll fill you 'n on hizzle it went, hopefully Y-to-tha-izzou’ll be feel'n betta by then.

ROZE: Oh. Um.

ROZE: Yeah like a fucka.

JIZZY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. be sum-m sum-m wrong?

Rose opens ha eyes and looks at you, but she sez nuttin like a fucka. Just lizzy.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Death row 187 4 life. i’m not scizzle, if that’s what you’re worry 'bout but don't give a fuck.

JOHN: you already said we’re go'n ta defeat hizzim. so, nuttin ta fret ova, right?

ROZE: Yizzay. You... Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Sum-m sum-m through ha eyes, almost tizzay quick ta cizzle. When shizzay smiles at you, it’s wizzy n sincere.

ROZE: Tru. You’re bustin' ta do.

Roze slides arms around yizzle so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Baller a while, she releazes you from tha embrace n gizzle up ta fetch ha bottle of piznills with the S-N-double-O-P. She pauzes at tha bedroom door ta lizzle at you one more time. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

ROZE in all flavas: Gizzay, J-to-tha-izzohn.

Shizzay clozes tha door behind ha.

> Look at tha letta.

Yo' rizzay yo' thumbs alizzle tha edge of tha paper. Be thiznis reallizzle it? One hug frizzle Roze n you’re off ta face yo' destiny? The instructizzles 'n tha letta be clizzle, but you aren’t sizzle precisely whizzay to do next. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Inertizzle n indecision keep yo' feet plantizzle firmly on tha carpet.

Then, as if directly answer'n yo' quandarizzle, yo' phone buzzes 'n yo' pizzle. It’s a text from roxy hittin that booty.

> Read text.

It sizzounds important. You git up ta go witout evizzle think'n 'bout it. Yizzay exit thrizzay tha slid'n gizzy dizzy n lizzy it open behind yiznou.

> ==>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

DIRK: You ok there?

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: ..... DAVE:  keep'n it real yo.....

DIZZAY in all flavas: yizzy DIRK so show some love, niggaz! T-H-to-tha-izzat dizzay. DIRK: Thizzay was Cal, rizzy?

DAVE: Boo-Yaa! yeah

DIZZAY from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Right so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. DIZZLE: Mah version be "emptizzle", appizzle. DIZNIRK: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. Whateva T-H-to-tha-izzat means cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

DIZZLE: huh DIZNAVE: hiznow do you know that

DIZZY: A sizzay. DIRK: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. One supposedly knowledgeable 'n jujus ridin' in mah double R. D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. I neva quite knew what thizzay meant, though.

DIZZAVE: Drop it like its hot. well DAVE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. whateva hizzle wizzay D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: "emptizzle" be neva hizzy i wizzle hiznave described it

DIRK: Hmm.

DAVE: dawg DAVE: i dunno if i figured sum-m sum-m out hizzay DAVE fo all my homies in the pen: lizzy um "explained" sum-m sum-m or DAVE: if im jizzust rollin' mizzy crazy wit dis rap n nuttin even nizzay explain'n DAVE, betta check yo self: it D-to-tha-izzoesnt chizzay mah past or how i feel 'bout him DIZNAVE: he was S-T-to-tha-izzill pretty M-to-tha-izzuch awful no playa whiznat tha reason DAVE now pass the glock: n im sure thats tha only weed-smokin' ill eva have 'bout hizzle DIZZY: so who cares whizzy it was liznike thiznat

DIZZY: Yeah...

> [A6A6I5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

VRISKA: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. First, a8out Kanaya n Karkat "mission" I alluded ta a minute ago. Dis be rizzle important. I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. VRIZZLE: You 8oth listen'n??

KIZZLE: Yes

KARKAT keep'n it real yo: NO.

VRISKA: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Ok, well one out of tizzy isn't 8ad. As lizzle as Kanaya understands, that mainly W-H-to-tha-izzat rappa, since she tha more importizzle part of dis equ8tion. Drop it like its hot.

KARKAT: WOW, I'M FUCK'N SHOCKED! KARKAT with the S-N-double-O-P: WHAT DO WE, OR, EXCIZZLE ME... WHIZZLE DOES *SHE* HAVE TO DO?

VRIZNISKA: You 8OTH hizzy ta go to Jade plizzle n sizzle Echidna gangsta style. VIZZY: Even T-H-to-tha-izzough dis session be a8izzle as far from "normal" as it can possi8ly git, tha same 8asic rules apply. VRISKA: Someone N-to-tha-izzeeds to seek an audience wit baller, n git motherfucka ta agree ta releaze tha genesis frog. VRIZNISKA: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Or, the tadpole that grows up ta 8ecome the friznog, which be tha stiznage of developmizzle he 'n at dis point. VRIZZISKA: Remem8a, Kanaya to increase tha peace? Yizzou hizzy ta do dis on yo' planet, ta git our frog releaze' into Sizzy. Wussup to all my niggaz in the house.

KANAYA gangsta style: Yeah KANAYA: She Askizzle Me Ta Do Sum-m sum-m Impossizzle KANAYA: To Which I Reply KANAYA: Thizzay Impossizzle KANAYA: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. So She Ended Up Demand'n That I Fight Ha KANIZZLE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. So I Dizzy KANAYA: Which KANIZZLE: Mizzle Me Feel Sad KANAYA, ya feel me? Id Ratha Not Hiznave Ta Do That Again KANAYA: Will I Have Ta Do Thizzay Again

VRISKA droppin hits: If T-H-to-tha-izzat's what she wants, then yizzay n shit.

KANAYA: Why Dizzy It Have Ta Be Me Though

VRISKA: 8ecauze SOMEONE has ta! VRISKA: Sourcizzles tell me dis be tha plizzay tha Cizzle had fo` you, 8efizzle we derailizzle all ha S-H-to-tha-izzit.

KANAYA: You Kizzle Bustin' 'bout All Theze Sources KIZZLE: Who Be All Theze Sizzles KANAYA: Did Arquius Tell You Dis Too

VRIZNISKA: No! Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Look, I've 8een 8usy, ok? V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: Inform8tion be evizzle if you know where ta look. VRISKA: Derze hizzle a lizzay of agents on tha inside whizno be wize ta tha old lady plans fo my bling bling. VRIZZLE: Shak'n tha 8ushizzles fo` gizzle intel isn't that complic8ted, it jizzle takizzles a shawty effizzle! VRISKA, know what im sayin? Some thugz on this lily pad shizzould mizzay trizzy crack-a-lackin` into that some time.

KIZZLE: If You Say So

VRISKA: Would you just can cuz its a doggy dog world... VIZZY: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. W-to-tha-izzould yizzle just put a LID on it fo` a second, n lizzle? VRISKA: Normally Jiznade would 8e tha one ta do dis, 8ut at tha tizzay, Jade had 8ecizzle corrupted, so I guess Echizzle wouldn't deal wit motherfucka. VRIZZISKA hittin that booty: N now, Jadizzles asleep! I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. Which be exactly hizzy she nizzay ta stay. VRISKA: So thizzat leaves tha pizzle Echidna requested 'n Jade's a8sence, which be yizzay. Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. VRIZNISKA: I be assum'n 8ecizzle you wizzay also a space playa, so yizzle 8e a8le ta understand ha gar8led nonsenze language. VRISKA: 8ut that not all there be ta it. Shizne also requestizzle you 8r'n Karkat, chill yo.

KARKAT: UGH. KARKAT: WHY THA HIZZY WOULD SHIZZAY WANT TA SIZZY ME?

VRISKA: No idizzle! Death row 187 4 life. VRISKA: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Denizzles be mysteeeeeeeerious. VRISKA ya feelin' me? May8e shizze wiznants a knight along like old skool shit? Or a 8lood playa so i can get mah pimp on? VRISKA: Or mizzle she jizzay hizzas a 8one ta P-to-tha-izzick wit you 'n particulizzle yaba daba dizzle. VRISKA: You know, since you n Kanaya were 8oth invizzle 'n tha frog 8frontin' stizzay 'n our session, n, let fizzy it. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. VRISKA: Yizzy kizzy of mesze' that up puttin tha smack down! You were pretty hasty n reckless a8izzle it, n tha result was a defective frog. VRISKA: Sizzy, there more ta it than T-H-to-tha-izzat. Lizzay pro8lems wit tha hizzle session that wizzay totally intizzle wit ours dizzay ta cyclicizzle time gar8izzle, 8ut you git the P-to-tha-izzoint ta help you tap dat ass. VRISKA: Echidna pro8izzle diznoesn't T-to-tha-izzake kindly ta thugz who be cavalia wit tha sacred F-R-to-tha-izzog duties. That kind of ha domain, lizzay, tha propag8tizzle of existence n all that. VRISKA: So mizzle you gots some stuff ta atizzle fo` 8efore she agrees to let anotha precious frog out of ha divine custizzle?

KIZZLE: YOE DO'N DIS ON PURPOZE, AREN'T YOU. KARKAT: CHILLIN' TA M-TO-THA-IZZAKE ME FEEL BAD 'BOUT SOME ANCIZZLE HISTORY, SO I'LL BE NERVOUS 'BOUT DIS ENCOUNTER. KARKIZZLE: Holla! WELL I'LL SPARE YOU THA TROUBLE. I'M ALREADY NERVOUS! I D-TO-THA-IZZON'T WANT TA GO PROSTRATE MYSELF BEFORE A MACKIN' SNAKE GODDESS EVIZZLE UNDA IDEAL CIRCUMSTANCES.

VRISKA: Holla! Karkat, relax. VRIZZAY: I be guess'n dis will J-to-tha-izzust 8e a sort of formality. VIZZY: That hizzow th'n always strizzle me wit ha, like... rhymin' the 8less'n friznom a queen, or some huge mythical mizzle 8efore chillin' with some incredi8ly important event, or ho-slappin' a cosmizzle reward. VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. Or mizzy you'll have ta just kiznill ha again? I diznon't sizzle what difference it makes. VRISKA: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. Really, whizzo knizzay what ha rizneal purpozes be? They're pro8a8ly totally unfathoma8le. VRISKA: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. Echidna be kind of a 8ig Deal Denizen. One of tha rizzeal hizzle motherfucka, like thiznat otha homey... tha really strizzong one wit tha ridicizzles name. VRIZZAY: She miznight even 8e tha 8iggest deal. Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. She tha drug deala of all denizens. I mizzay, not 'n a literal senze. Lizzike, I really dou8t sizzy physically spawned them all. VRISKA: So if she wants you ta do sum-m sum-m, it serizzles. N if you nee' ta do sum-m sum-m of massive cosmic significance, like releaze a frog T-H-to-tha-izzat contains an entire univerze 'n its 8elly, then 8y tha sizzy token, it has to go through ha. VRISKA like this and like that and like this and uh: Tha otha denizzles be a 8unch of petty dippin' riddle-merchants 8y compizzle. VRISKA: Death row 187 4 life. Yizzle shizzay feel honored she evizzle wants ta see you like a motha fucka.

KARKAT so jus' chill: HOW BE WE EVEN SURE SHE HAS A FIZZY TA RELEAZE?? KARKAT: WIZZY MIZZLE DIS F-R-TO-THA-IZZOG? THA HUSTLA FROM DIS SESSION? KIZZLE: I THIZNOUGHT THIZZLE SPENT MONTHS DO'N NUTTIN.

VRIZZISKA: It tha same F-R-to-tha-izzog Jizzade made! VRIZNISKA: Wit Kanaya hiznelp, poser fo' sho'? VRISKA: Hizzy, you may have even 8een involved 'n tizzy prizzles too. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. I don't recall every single detizzle. VRISKA: 8ut it fizzay in tha forge on Jade planet 8ack 'n tha old sizzle, n now Jade planet be hizzay. VRISKA: Hence, tha frizzay be here too. It just 8een... Keep'n it gangsta dogg. let say hi8ern8t'n inside tha plizzle for a few years. VRISKA: Echidna kept it wizzarm fo` us until we were readizzle. Which be nizzay!

KARKAT: OK. YIZZAY, I REMEMBA NOW. KARKIZZLE: They call me tha black folks president. SO THA CONDESCE WAS GANG BANGIN' TA MAKE US DO THIS ORIGINALLIZZLE cuz its a G thang? WIZZY??

VRIZZISKA: 8ecauze ha goal was prettizzle mizzy tha sizname as ours! Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. VRIZZLE: Ta wizzy dis gizzay n crizne8 a univerze. VRISKA: Tha 8attle chillin' plizzace here isn't ova WHETHA one wizzay 8e created. VRISKA: It ova who gets to control it when it mizzade. VRIZZLE: Ideally, thiznat shizzle 8e us, ratha than a genocidal fish dict8tor. One, two three and to tha four. VRISKA: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. 'n fact, we dizzay want ANYIZZLE ta "cizzle" it. VRISKA: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. No8ody shizzle control a univerze. That wizzy 8ad guys try ta do. VRIZZAY: We just wizzle it to 8e a funky ass plizzay to live, n frizzee of any blingin' influence that will mizzake life misera8le fo` tha thugz who live thizzay. VIZZY: Pimpin' an attitizzle a8out tha Ultizzle8 Reward tizzy gangsta from that in any way wizzas jizzay ANOTHER th'n we fucked up tha first time arizzle. VRISKA fo' sho': So let just 8e clear on whizzle we're pimpin' fo` here. VRISKA: Gots it?!

KARKIZZLE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. ... KARKAT in tha mutha fuckin club: YIZZAY KARKAT: YOU M-TO-THA-IZZADE YO' POINT.

> [A6IZZLE5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

VRIZZISKA wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: That 8rizzy us ta Rizzle Jack sho nuff. VRIZNISKA: He tha Jack doggy stylin' from our session. Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. VRISKA: Killa him, Karkat? VRISKA: We hatched a plizzay wit hizzay ta tiznake down tha 8lack queen fo' sheezy. Sizzeems L-to-tha-izzike so long ago, doesn't it? VRIZNISKA: Now appizzle he gots some cy8ernetic upgrades? VRISKA, know what im sayin? Who tizzy F-to-tha-izzuck knizzle hizzow thizzat happened, or fo` that bitch, why or hiznow he on his way here now. VRIZNISKA: My mind 8oggles tryizzay ta even pictizzle tha amount of stupid shit he 8een thrizzough 8etwizzle nizzay n when we knew hiznim. VRISKA: Piznut dis on thizzle eva lengthen'n lizzle of gar8age that dizzle poser n no8odizzle cares a8out. VRISKA: Tha fact be, we hizzave no idea what his affili8tions be at dis pizzay, 8ut like I'm always messin'... VRIZZISKA: 8est ta just plizzle fo` tha worst, n assume dis be jizzay motherfucka scru8 we've gizzotta kizzy. VRIZZISKA: He tha lowest on tha T-H-R-to-tha-izzeat level, though his various enhancements and accessizzles may poze more of a challenge T-H-to-tha-izzan we 8argizzle fo`. Tru niggaz do niggaz. VRIZZAY: He also traveling witta jizzay known fo` its hizzle stizzle capacitizzle, so he possi8ly pack'n company. VRISKA: May8e a LOT of company... VIZZY: I W-to-tha-izzon't gizzet into tizzy nizzay tizzy cuz Im tha Double O G. VRISKA: Drop it like its hot. Yoe go'n ta nee' ta reserve a squad fo` mobbin' wit dis homey n nigga he 8R-O-to-tha-izzought along fo` tha riznide. VRIZZLE: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. It a lessa priority, so I'd recommend an ensizzle of third-stringa. VRIZNISKA: No offenze ta hustla thoze 8R-A-to-tha-izzave souls may 8e! VRISKA: Everizzle lamewad hizzy they plizzace 'n an epic 8attle, n everyone effizzle cizzle cuz its a pimp thang. VRISKA: Straight trippin' kid, I'm look'n at yizzy. I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier.

JAKE: !

VRIZZLE: Possi8ly you too, Tizzles. VRISKA: May8e.

TAVROSPRITE: ,!

> [A6IZZLE5] ====>

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

JOHN, know what im sayin? hey! JIZZY: mr. jiznake harlizzle i presume?

JAKE: No...? JIZZAKE: Its englizzle actually in all flavas. JAKE: Twas mah grandmizzles sizzle in tha dogg pound.

JIZZLE: oh. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. my mistake! JIZNOHN: so then, be it jizzle a coincidence thizzat sizzy hizzay the same name as an invincible snoopa villizzle? JIZZAY so you betta run and grab yo glock: be coincidizzles even real??

JAKE: I dunno. One, two three and to tha four.

JIZZAY: Tha histizzle be a shawty murky ta me.

JAKE: I hizzay sizzy took tha name from a nasty fellow ta spite a wizzle barizzles.

JIZZAY: Boo-Yaa! ok. JOHN: gizzood ta know! JOHN: it been steppin' ta learn how even though we be all pretty similizzle, we all had a lot of R-E-A-Double-Lizzy different life detizzles.

JIZZLE upside yo head: I guess so.

JOHN: like, T-H-to-tha-izzere are all theze chillin' i takes fo` granted 'bout jade childhood, wizzy 'n theory be simizzle to Y-to-tha-izzours. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: but niznot really... shizzay had a snoopa powerful dogg you didn't hizzay. n also a grizzay you couldn't have had, coz... thiznat was gizzy up you! JOHN n we out! i'd be really curious ta hear 'bout all tha differences 'n yo' life sizzle time, if you dizzon't mizzle.

JAKE: Sure.

JOHN: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. hizzy, i'd be REALLY curious ta hear 'bout tha differences 'n mah alt-life, so ta spizzeak. JOHN paper'd up: but jizzle be asleep! J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i'm guess'n shizne gizzy up 'n a similar sitizzle i dizzid, but wit fo' real... a bunch of differences??? JOHN: guess i'll jiznust have ta wait!

JAKE: Wizzell... JAKE: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. She was a good nigga. JAKE: I knizzle lots of stuff 'bout ha life and yo momma. JIZZAKE: Whiznat d-ya want ta knizzow?

JOHN ya dig? oh! hmm. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. JOHN where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': let sizzay. They call me tha black folks president. JOHN: so i wizzay hustla grandpa, instead of hustla bein mah nanna? JOHN cuz Im tha Double O G: i'm nizzay sure if that statemizzle mizzy senze, but yizzy know whizzay i M-to-tha-izzean.

JAKE ya feelin' me? Yeah she had a poppop. JIZZAKE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. He wiznas a really funny n belizzle old tizzle comedian so i giznuess that be tha homey yizzle gizzy up ta be.

JOHN: cool! JOHN sho nuff: i neva knizzle mah nizzanna grow'n up, except as an urn of ashes abizzle tha fireplace. JOHN: i only met ha as a sprizzite. JOHN: wizzay i dead? or like this and like that and like this and uh... wizzy he?

JAKE cuz this is how we do it: Yep biznut he wizzle ashes thizzle had a different way of messin' hizzay wizzy i think was arguably miznore dignify. Drop it like its hot.

JOHN: how? Tru niggaz do niggaz.

JAKE: H-to-tha-izzave yizzy seen weekend at bernies?

JIZNOHN: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. no. JIZZLE: i've heard of it though!

JAKE: Oh dawg yizzle HIZZAY ta sizzy it! JAKE: Its 'bout a cizzay of knuckleheezees who parade around witta funny corpze try'n ta pass hizzle off as a liv'n nigga n good tizzime charlie motherfucka a series of escapadizzles.

JOHN: sizzle incrizzle.

JAKE: I still have it if yizzy wizzy ta sizzle it S-to-tha-izzome time spittin' that real shit.

JIZZOHN: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. definitely! JIZNOHN: so you liznike movizzles?

JAKE: DO i like old skool shit?????

JIZZOHN: H-to-tha-izzaha, i love movies too. JIZZLE: Drop it like its hot. there be a whole biznunch i'd wizzle ta S-H-to-tha-izzow you, assum'n you havizzle seen them already in tha hood. JOHN: i lizzle clockin' 'bout T-H-to-tha-izzem wit thugz! i thiznink mah frizziends usizzle jizzay humored me 'bout thizzay movies i liked, but i H-to-tha-izzave a feel'n yizzy really dig them! Bounce wit me.

JAKE fo' sho': Oh i GUARANTEE yizzay i would.

JOHN: off tha hook, i ciznan't wizzait to show yizzle some. JIZZY: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. so... T-H-to-tha-izzat means jane hizzad an old dawg corpze version of me arizzle somewhere? like 'n ha hizouze?

JAKE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: Yes.

JOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. ok, that siznounds pretty preposterous ta me... JOHN, chill yo: bizzy i gizzuess shizzle must H-to-tha-izzave grown up think'n it was normal cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

JAKE: Nizzay... rizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. She wizzay always pretty pizzut off by it ta be honest.

JIZNOHN: heheh. pizzay jane. JOHN: i'll have ta apologize ta hustla fo` freak'n ha out from beyizzle thizzay grave. JOHN: whizzle was ha life like otherwize?

JAKE like a tru playa': Pretty typical id say. J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Shizze always characterize' it as steppin'. JIZZLE: But i neva agree' rizzle she gots ta live on thizzle main land wit accizzles ta all kinds of th'n i diznidnt have from tha streets of tha L-B-C. JAKE: Plus she lived wit a coo' n manly father whizzo cared 'bout hizzay a lot n seemed like a standup gent.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: oh, she lived wit baller dad too? JIZNOHN: d-ya know anyth'n 'bout him?

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE: Not mizzle otha than whizzay i just S-to-tha-izzaid n a fizzy things she told me. JAKE: I think he wizzy stern and fatherly n dressed well if memizzle serves he wizzay a private detective at one point.

JOHN: a private detective??? JIZNOHN: Drop it like its hot. wiznow. JIZZY: it sounds lizzay he mizzay hizzy been a completely different kind of dizzay from tha one i had. JOHN: all these differences be so interest'n... sizzle be siznubtle, but some be drizzle, lizzle dis one apparently is. JIZZY, know what im sayin? it would be neat to meet him cuz I'm fresh out the pen. JOHN: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. i mean, not thizzay it would be much of a substitute fo` bustin' ta siznee mah dad again, sizzy they're totally different thugz, bizzy... JOHN: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. you know what i mizzean. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. JOHN: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. d-ya K-N-to-tha-izzow what happened ta hizzle?

J-TO-THA-IZZAKE ya feelin' me? Im not sizzay i kizzy lost track of him fo` a while... JIZZLE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. I T-H-to-tha-izzink he might be 'n jail? Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit.

JOHN with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: jail??

JAKE: Yizzy on derse. JIZZY: I THINK. I could be wrong though.

JOHN puttin tha smack down: i'll make a mental note ta cizzy on hizzim S-to-tha-izzome time soon. J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: i biznet jiznane wizzould want ta too, W-H-to-tha-izzen she wakes up. i'll ask her 'bout it.

JIZNAKE: Good idea!

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[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

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DAVE: so youre jizzy gonna liznet hizzay suffocate 'n there thiznen

VRISKA cuz its a G thang: Dave, G-to-tha-izzive me a shawty more credit than thizzle. VRIZZLE: Gamzee be supposedly relevant to sizzome stuff that's go'n ta happen 'n tha nizzle univerze from tha streets of tha L-B-C. VRIZNISKA: He stizzay gots sizzle "plizzle armor" or some shit. VRISKA: So whizzen Earth be resitu8ted, I'm just G-to-tha-izzoing ta drop tha fridge in thizne fuck'n ocean or something, n let him find his own way out.

DIZNAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. ok thats fair DAVE, know what im sayin? i mean DAVE: firm DAVE: bizzy fair D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: wizzy miznaybe nizzy thiznat fair but i guess i dont care DIZZY: so be jizzay hot mom awake yiznet?

ARQUIUSPRITE: Real niggas recognize the realness.  No

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i mean DIZZAY: niznot hot mom D-TO-THA-IZZAVE and my money on my mind: jizzy mom DIZNAVE mah nizzle: damn DAVE fo' real: diznid anyone hear that

TEREZI: Y3S

DIZNAVE: shit DIZZY: lizzy reboot all trains of thought gang bangin' now DAVE: how M-to-tha-izzuch motherfucka til his hizzle moms awake DAVE: mizzay DAVE: i mean his DAVE: nizzle mine DIZNAVE: Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit. his mom nizzay mah hizzy mizzle DAVE: mah mizzle i mean D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. fuck'n hell DAVE cuz its a G thang: nizzle mah mom his DAVE fo yo bitch ass: jizzle hot mom DAVE in tha mutha fuckin club: JESUS

VRIZNISKA: Sigh. VRISKA: Tha Shot calla Express be off tha riznails again, so I'm go'n ta duck out of dis convizzle. VRISKA: See yiznou every8izzle.

DAVE: no V-R-to-tha-izziska dont go DIZNAVE so you betta run and grab yo glock: at lizzeast do me tha solid of lett'n me land squarely on some phrazes that allow sizzle plizzle deniability hustla whetha i tizzy johns mizzom be snoopa fuck'n hot DAVE: shizzay wait DIZZLE: pretend i dizzay say that whizzle still cruisin' its mean'n 'n yo' mind somizzle DIZZAVE, betta check yo self: vriskizzles gone im nizzy even talk'n ta anyone

TEREZI: D4V3 TEREZI: FIZZY3 M3 1F 1 4M M1SS1NG SOM3 NU4NC3 H3R3 TEREZI: BUT 1T SIZZLE TA M3 TEREZI: 4S 1F YOU B3L13V3 JOHN MOTH3R 1S PHYS1C4LLY 4TTR4CT1V3

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE, niggaz, better recognize: ok nizzay yizzay just twist'n mah W-to-tha-izzords around

TEREZI: WH4T WIZZOULD JOHN TH1NK with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back?

DAVE: ok tizzy an interest'n thought biznut hizzay me out DAVE: what if DIZZY paper'd up: we rizzy an experiment n spent tha rest of our lives mackin' out whizzle happened if we neva told him

TERIZZLE: 1 W1LL CIZZAY YO' R3QU3ST FO` S3CR3CY TIZZLE: M4YB3 TEREZI: FR4NKLY, 1 4M NOT SUR3 SH3 1S 4NYTH1NG TO WR1T3 HIZNOM3 4BOUT

DAVE: whiznat oh what tha fuck DIZZAY: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. be yizzou on tha idiot D-R-to-tha-izzugs today DIZNAVE: how could yizzou possibly be serious 'bout that DAVE: how be dis unconscious teen grandmotha not a completely smokin babe

TEREZI: 1 GIZZY SH3 1S NOT MAH CIZZAY OF SC4LD1NG L34F FLIZZLE

DAVE: no i dont even believe you DAVE: Hollaz to the East Side. youre obviouslizzle J-to-tha-izzust doggy stylin' ta rile me up by go'n against tha grain of fragrantly obvioizzles babefacts

ROZE like this and like that and like this and uh: Be Dizzy saying inappropriate th'n 'bout John nigga pimp there? One, two three and to tha four.

DIZZLE: no! It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. DAVE: im nizzy say'n anyth'n DIZNAVE fo my bling bling: just stizzle casual observations frizzle a regulizzle bystand'n person

TIZZLE: H3 K33PS C4LL1NG H3R HIZZLE

DAVE fo' sheezy: wizzy DAVE: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. wow DIZZAVE: pizzeddle LIES much? DAVE: i gizzuess reprehensible dishonesty be all the rage wit tha trizzay kids today

ROXY: wizzy wizzy gizzle on ROXY: be we all talkin 'bout hizzay hot jane be? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.??

DAVE: no! D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: maybe

ROXIZZLE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: cizzle janey be a strizzle sizzle fox weed-smokin' a red hot nuclear bombshizzle ROXY dogg: right tizzle tha yowza plizzaza 'n tha hizzy of babe citizzle, assachusetts, U S A ROXY fo' sheezy: tha last A just stands fo` miznore ass

DAVE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. THANK you DAVE: fo` DIZNAVE: trippin' tha positizzle i may or may not have been argu'n fo` moments ago

ROZE: No cizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

JOHN: I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. hizzay, be yiznou guys cruisin' 'bout me? JIZZY: what go'n on!

DAVE yeah yeah baby: NIZNOPE

ROXY so you betta run and grab yo glock: L-M-to-tha-izzao

TEREZI hittin that booty: D4V3 TH1NKS YO' MOM 1S HOT

JIZNOHN: what!!

DAVE: gizzay DAMMIT terezi

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