#drag strip's self-insert mary sue personal life fanfiction i guess LOL

[bitegore]

dag stip, 35

35. Their idea of a perfect day

hahghafhdsfkdsfkfdgdsfk. okay. i cant stop headcanoning drag strip as a persistent maladaptive daydreamer because other people keep writing him that way and it's really funny. so he has detailed notes on this one XD. Written almost as a fic because I'm serious when I say this, it's something I have to have clearly lined-out so that everything else can fall short LOL

Ask game here.

Morning; Drag Strip wakes up feeling well-rested. The sun is shining and the water outside the window of the Nemesis is a pretty shade of dark teal instead of pitch black. And there's a message waiting for him as soon as he gets out of bed, which he does perkily because he's so energetic and happy this morning.

The message informs him he's been promoted to leader of the Stunticons because he's so much better at leading than Motormaster ever could be. No- that he's now a soloist because Megatron understands that he as his own fighter is better than having Menasor on-side at all and that Drag Strip is just that much better than the other Stunticons. No, that he's been promoted to SIC instead of Starscream. Yeah that one. And there's a special note at the bottom from Megatron and Soundwave that says they both think he's the best fighter in the entire faction and they both love him and they're sorry they overlooked him as a fighter.

Also there's a love letter from Starscream. Drag Strip will go be super suave about this, probably. Or maybe it's from Megatron AND Starscream, both of them. Yeah that. They want him to be the third in their relationship. No - they're both more in love with him than they are with each other. That's suitably important. And they both want him to be theirs AND their third. But he's the most important. Obviously.

He looks at himself in the mirror and his paint is perfect, obviously, but then he goes outside and the other four Stunticons are all lined up waiting for him because he is so important and everyone loves him. Then Dead End tells him he's the best out of all five of them, which he knew. Wait, no, Motormaster does. And then Motormaster apologizes for being a bad leader and an idiot who didn't know how good Drag Strip was until now and he feels so bad about everything and he's going to make up for it by sending Drag Strip to a detailing salon. And being his personal servant for the next week. No, month. No, forever. Nice. And also he's giving Drag Strip all his engex and his candies because Drag Strip deserves them for being so good at everything. And then Dead End tells Drag Strip that he's obviously better looking than Dead End is and his paint is shinier and flashier and he's more noticeable in every way and Dead End is just playing catch up. And Wildrider tells Drag Strip that he's the most fun person on the team and everyone loves him. And Breakdown says he's good at everything.

He goes to the command center to accept his new position and the entirety of the Decepticon fleet is there and they're all lined up and watching and waiting because they all want to see Drag Strip get crowned most important person in the entire faction aside from Megatron. Megatron gives him a cape and a crown and a big shiny gold medal that says he's the best fighter ever on it and Starscream gives him a necklace - no, a SCEPTER that turns into a giant gun. AND a sword! And a rocket launcher! All four at once. Perfect - and a bunch of pretty magnetic jewelry and everyone agrees that he looks better in the regalia than anyone else ever has. And everyone claps when he shows up. And because it's such a special occasion everyone gets to drink as much energon as they want and it's a giant party because Drag Strip is so important. Then - hm.... then Motormaster and the other Stunticons go give a speech about how lucky they were to work with Drag Strip before everyone else realized how good he really was at everything and how fortunate they feel to get to watch such an unparalleled Decepticon genius come into his own before everyone else realized how important he was for the faction. And it's lovely and everyone agrees they're right about every count and they only have nice things to say because Drag Strip is really that good.

Then after that the Autobots attack! and burst in! And everyone else is drunk on energon but Drag Strip is so good at everything that he single-handedly defeats all the Autobots! and he defeats Optimus Prime and looks super cool while doing it and then Megatron kills Optimus Prime and he takes the Matrix of Leadership and gives it to Drag Strip because he's so strong and smart and cool and powerful and good at everything that even Megatron agrees he deserves it instead. And then the Autobots are so dazzled by his excellent fighting and how cool a car he is so they decide that this means he's their leader now and he wins the war for the Decepticons forever. And Megatron thanks him personally and calls him the next greatest Decepticon to ever live. And it's true and he is. Then they can go back to Cybertron-

-but he likes Earth. Hm.

Then he gets crowned ruler of Earth and put in charge of Earth forever while the other Decepticons reroute power from Earth to turning Cybertron back on and he gets to do whatever he wants forever. And the humans have to build him a huge awesome new base on land and keep all the energon he could possibly want on tap for him and every day every single Decepticon ever thanks him personally for being so cool and awesome and he gets to tell Motormaster to do all sorts of demeaning and stupid humiliating bullshit and Motormaster just does it because he feels so bad for overlooking Drag Strip's true abilities all this time and no one ever tells Drag Strip he can't do anything ever again.

And then because that's not a whole day then he goes to a detailing spa and also he gets a reformat into the same alt mode but now he's got mass-shifting components so he's actually the tallest mech in the faction and he gets to be space-capable so he can go into orbit whenever he wants or just fly to any planet. And he buys a lottery ticket and wins a million dollars and he drags Breakdown to a casino in space that Swindle says is impossible to win anything from and wins a million shanix. And he's so cool when he's there that the casino owners thank him for showing up to their casino and making it look better because all the aliens are coming from all around to watch him.

Extremely reasonable. That would be the best day ever, as far as Drag Strip is concerned. Anything less than that isn't good enough. Simple.