#dpdblr

[ayaisnotokay]

I'm honestly just tired of throwing things into the void. I hate trying to find other creative people because every attempt leaves me doubting their existence.

TWs: Isolation • Suicide • SH

I wanted a creative community of writers and artists that bonded over a mutual admiration of eachother's work. People to discuss ideas with. Chances to actually collaborate. Friends that actually wanted to make SOMETHING.

I've tried 4 times. Every single time, the most I could ever find were lurkers. I tried making a blog. I wasted my time creating a schedule for prompts and discussions, just for it to receive 0 engagement beyond false promises to even acknowledge its existence.

Unless we count the blazed post that received one off engagement from people that never looked at the blog ever again.

I guess my mistake was assuming I'd find writers on Tumblr. Apparently, it's only good for claiming to be a writer, while you recycle the same memes about failing to start projects.

Or perhaps the mistake was seeking friends; somehow I leave every attempt to find people feeling lonelier than before.

Then there's the bum ass friends that wanna say don't off yourself cos I'll miss you, but they're too "busy" to spend 10 seconds just saying "hi" at least once a week. I give people 100 ask for 50 and get 0 in return.

Like people deadass got me wishing I was schizo just to have more company than a knife.