#dont read if medical trauma or unreality sort of stuff is somethng you're sensitive to

[nosignalformiles]

Jay - Hospitals and why he avoids them like the plague

This was originally at the END of the headcanon ramble, but this is like, honestly the most important part that might ever come up in an RP, so the part I’d actually want folks to read.

This is why Jay hates hospitals. It’s why he’d sooner stay in pain, sooner trust some back alley surgeon or a friend of a friend who’s training to be a vet nurse, than he would an actual medical professional. That trust is gone.

He is scared of hospitals. He won't act it. But he is.

He learned to clean up and deal with a lot of injuries himself, keeps a pretty complete first aid kit on his bike, and almost always has painkillers on hand. It’s basically put up a huge barrier between him and recovery.

While rare, Jay has experienced psychosis as part of his BPD. Far more common for him to go through manic periods of increased risk taking and confidence, though. The biggest tell with him when it’s not that, is that there’s an added jittery-ness. Twitchy like he’s on something when he’s not. Usually it’s audio hallucinations and paranoia, but there have been lights and sensitivity as well. It is very rare for him, and it’s not something I have ANY interest in RPing. He might have freak outs from substance use, but not psychosis related hallucinations. 

Related to this. Jay used to end up in the ER all the time, he’d get injured in stupid and avoidable ways, or he’d have a bad reaction to whatever he took, mixed with whatever else he took.

Three out of those many times, a nurse or a doctor saw something else. Three times, he’s been put in an involuntary hold at an inpatient facility. The nature of his time there, and how it reacted and worked For Him, was medically traumatizing. These can be useful and necessary resources for mental health, but they don’t help everyone, and Jay has never been in a place to actually Get anything but trauma out of them. It was scary. Isolating. Disorienting. It stripped away his ability to feel like himself.

This is, again, not something I want to RP. The inpatient facility part, him in hospitals in general, and the fear - yeah, that’s cool. But given it’s one of the major things that’s hurt him as an adult, he will very, very, rarely - if ever - bring it up. Even if they go to a hospital, even if he has a panic attack, or intentionally goes a bit overboard, he’s not bringing it up outside of dire circumstances. I might mention it as part of internal narrative, but that’s it.

Will also say, while I’m not interested in RPing this stuff, talking about it during plotting or headcanon stuff is cool, it’s an important aspect of his character and how he experiences things, they’re just not scenarios i want to keep writing long form.