#dont pretend its not true zach

[pinkykitten]

Get Away From Her

13 Reasons Why

Zach Dempsey x female! reader

Warning: some cursing, sexual assault, marijuana, alcohol, fighting, blood

Specifics: high school, fighting, man vs man, fluff, comedy, race neutral reader

People: Zach Dempsey, you, Sheri Holland, Clay Jensen, Jeff Atkins, Bryce Walker

Words: 2,135

Summary: Bryce gets a little too comfortable with you, very handsy. He tries to get you alone but Zach is there and he doesn’t like what he is seeing. Zach does everything in his power to protect you.

Authors Note: aghhhh this is my first time writing for 13 r.w. and i luv it!!!! so just a couple of things, i do not curse in real life so the cursing in here looks like this s***. i am just too much of a cinnamon roll and i dont curse. also another thing is to me jeff never died #jeffstilldeservedbetter so he is alive in this. ALL HE HAD WAS A CAR ACCIDENT HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND RECOVERED INEEDTHISINMYLIFECAUSEILUVHIMSOMUCH!!! this deals with a lot of stuff so if this just isnt for u to read then pls skip on. anyways my sis luv zach pretty much anything that has to do with ross butler lol. hope u guys like, pls feedback y’all!

“C’mon y/n we’re gonna be late,” Sheri called waiting for you outside the bathroom.

 She had asked you to help her study for a history exam you both had coming up. Of course, you being the sweetheart you accepted her request. Unknown to you though she actually wanted to get you to the party at Bryce’s house. Her excuse was, “girl, I’ve seen the way you look at Zach and its time you do something about this love crush.”

So in the bathroom you struggled to put on a dress she let you borrow. 

As you opened the door you looked down not wanting to see the emotion in Sheri’s eyes, “Sheri this is waaaaayyyyy too short for me. I can’t wear dresses that almost go to my sugar land, especially at a party where there are a ton of horny boys.”

“Y/n, trust me you’ll be fine. I’ll keep on the watch for you, checking up on those horny boys. Plus, you look fantastic and thats what we want, right? Zach maybe can reach that sugar land tonight,” Sheri joked.

You slapped her playfully and grabbed your bag. Sheri said she would watch out for you, but that night was a night you thought maybe going to this party was a mistake.  

As you and Sheri walked up the driveway to Bryce’s party a couple of boys ran in front of you both. Acting silly, and of course it was evident that they were drunk. Your stomach was turning and in the back of your mind you questioned whether this was such a good idea.

Sheri noticed your nervousness and grabbed your arm, “hey y/n, look just have one drink for me, then I promise I’ll take you home. Deal?”

You glanced around the house, straightened your back, put on your big girl panties on and strutted inside the house. You were going to own this night. 

As you searched around the room you noticed some familiar faces from school and some new ones.

“Wow y/n, I’m surprised to see you here. I didn’t know you come to parties,” your friend from Liberty High, Clay Jensen said.

You chuckled, “I didn’t know you come to these dumb things either. Plus I was forced to go.” You pointed to Sheri who was drinking already and laughing with a group of girls. “History exam.”

Clay nodded and said his goodbyes. Great, now what were you supposed to do. You looked like an idiot, just standing near the wall by yourself. That was when you saw in the distance the tall Zach Dempsey. 

“Oh my god y/n, avoid eye contact at all cost. If he doesn’t catch you staring like all those other times he won’t come over here,” you thought to yourself. You looked to the side at some fake, odd, looking plant. Your mistake was you thought Zach was gone but when you went back to look at him he was still there! And his attention was on you. 

“Oh sweet jesus,” you prayed aloud. You thought maybe you should pretend to talk on the phone but as you rummaged through your purse you realized you forgot the dang thing.

“Hey y/n,” a voice called from above you. 

“If only that was god,” you thought in your head. “Heyyyyyy Zach. What brings you here?”

“Well its a party...so.”

Your eyes were opened wide and you plastered on this anxious, nervous, fake smile. All truthfulness you looked like you just peed your pants. 

“Are you okay y/n?”

“Me? Oh yeah,” you waved his concern off, “I’m fine. Just not the party type. I just came here for a friend I’m helping Sheri study for her history exam.”

“Yeah I saw you came in with Sheri. By the way you look amazing in that dress. Your like the best dressed in the whole house.”

“Thanks,” you said awkwardly pulling down the fabric. “I mean its not mine, its Sheri’s, but you think its too much? I mean its just a party and I came all dolled up when everyone is either wearing jeans or skirts.”

“No! I mean no, I think you look perfect.”

You smiled all flustered at his compliments. 

“Hey listen y/n if ever you want to-”

“Whats up bro and...y/n l/n? Wow didn’t think I’d ever catch you here.”

Bryce, Bryce Walker (lol i feel like veronica in heathers)

“Me neither,” you said trying to get out of the conversation. Rumors have spread like fire about Bryce, he was a trouble maker. You did not need that right now, actually how about never. 

“Man, y/n you clean yourself up pretty good. I’m so used to seeing you all covered and a good girl. Now you look pretty bad,” Bryce winked at you while licking his lips.

“I kinda regret wearing this dress now,” you muttered under your breath. 

Zach was getting angrier and angrier by the minute. He saw how much Bryce was making you uncomfortable and he just would not quit. 

“Well, y/n, how bout I show you a good ti-,” Bryce had started to say but you interrupted him with a shriek.

“Oh my god Laura! Whats up cous (cousin)? No I’ll go to you,” you shouted from across the room. 

Zach and Bryce’s attention was to where you were pointing and yelling. 

“I’m sorry guys to cut the talk short but who would of known my cousin is here. Well, I’ll get to you guys later gotta say hi to her or else I am gonna have some family issues,” you faked laugh.

You did erupt a real laugh though as you left because you didn’t have a cousin here. You just made that up to get the heck out of that conversation! You let go of the breath you had contained inside of you. 

Deciding to at least try to enjoy yourself, you grabbed a drink and raised it up to Sheri who was far away. Sheri smiled and clapped, mouthing “good for you.” 

“Y/n just take one drink and then you can get the h*** out of here,” you said aloud.

Your stomach started to grumble so you grab a chip and dip it into salsa. You put the whole thing in your mouth. 

“Don’t!”

You turn around to see Jeff Atkins (rip😭) , the sayings were true, he was handsome. You almost choke on your chip at his presence. 

“Atkins! Boy you scared the crap out of me,” you exclaimed.

Jeff just giggled, “I’m sorry y/n.”

You shook yourself and regained your composure, “anyways, why did you say don’t?”

“That salsa had marijuana in it, I mean I’m not gonna judge or anything but that s**** strong. So just be careful.”

Your eyes almost bugged out of your head. You put the salsa and chip down and tried to take the left overs out of your mouth.

“I saw you checkin out Zach.”

“Oh my god you too! What is it with people being interested with who I like and don’t? It’s like everyone wants to know!”

“Go after him,” Jeff said leaning against the counter. 

“What?”

Jeff gets closer, “hey I’m no matchmaker but, I can tell he likes you trust me I’m a guy. I know. Just go back to him and talk. Its better to talk outside so nobody can disturb you,” Jeff wiggled his eyebrows.

“First of all Jeff ewww, no, me and Zach are not doing the do. I just have a crush on him! Can it be that before we make it into teen mom. Second, you say you’re no matchmaker but you sure as h*** always try to be one. Third, I tried to talk to him and I get so nervous I sweat like a waterfall under my armpits! And fourth of all what do you know about girls?”

Jeff just shrugged, “trust me y/n. My advice will come handy one day. One day.”

You shook your head, “silly.”

Again, alone you stood by the drinks. You downed the last of the liquid and had the urge to use the bathroom. As you go to there, you see there is not a soul in sight.

“Finally, peace and quiet. I mean who would gather around and talk around the bathroom, thats just gross.”

As you opened the door to the restrooms you felt a hand on the lower part of your back. You quickly snap in the direction of the hand and see that it is Bryce. 

“H-hey dude,” you said trying to sound confident and not frightened. 

“Hey y/n. I wanted to finish what I started earlier. That dress it just makes the animal come out of me,” Bryce’s hands were roaming all over your body. 

“Animals, I love animals. Why don’t we talk about some, like whats your favorite?”

“I much rather do this to you,” Bryce wore a smirk the whole way through. “You’re so sexy y/n, especially in this dress. How about I take it off of you?”

“Bryce quit it!” You were starting to panic. You tried to pry him off you but he was too strong. You did not want this, Sheri said she would protect you, watch out for you. “Bryce stop it!” But Bryce would not. Instead, every time you said something he would become more handsy. 

“I know you want this y/n. You’re just urging for me to be inside you,” he whispered in your ear, biting your earlobe. Then he grabbed your face harshly to kiss you. 

Your face squirmed in disgust, you tried to kick him in the groin but he grabbed your leg. This was it you were going to be raped on this day. Tears started to form in your eyes. You were scared no terrified at this moment. After he finished making out with you, he zipped down his pants. 

Bryce kept you in a death grip. “Someone please help me! Sheri, Jeff, Zach, Clay, someone please help,” you cried in horror. 

Bryce lifted your dress up and you were sobbing and asking him to stop. Just as Bryce was about to pull down his pants Zach came to view.

Zach’s eyes widened in shock. “Dude what the f*** are you doing to her?”

“C’mon Zack were just having a little fun. Right y/n?”

You shook your head into a no, tears staining your cheeks. “Bryce tried to rape me! You pig!”

“Bryce let her go,” Zach barked out. 

Bryce then grabbed your butt with a smirk and massaged it. Everything went so quickly. Zach lunged for Bryce and Bryce let go of you. Zach punched Bryce’s stomach while Bryce tried to elbow Zach’s face.

Zach tackled Bryce down, Zach on top, started pounding and smashing Bryce’s face. Zach’s face was red of anger. He was so irate and so mad, that all he could do was scream and say “leave her alone.”

All you could do was stand, the moments before this fighting were still fresh in your mind. It replayed like a movie. You looked down at your hands and they were shaking. “Zach please stop!”

You knew Bryce was the golden child of the school, heck the whole neighborhood. If they saw what Zach did to Bryce Zach would have consequences even if he did what was right. Zach would get blamed. 

“Please, Zach stop.”

Zach stood up harshly and looked at your face. He looked as if he could almost cry. Bryce laid on the ground moaning and groaning in pain. Blood spilling from his nose and the cut on his lips. His eyes starting to become swollen. 

Zach ran to you and hugged you, “I’m so sorry y/n I wasn’t here earlier.”

“No you came just in time. Thank you Zach.”

Clay and many other kids came to see what was all the commotion. 

Well you took Jeff’s advice. You led Zach outside to talk to him about the matter. 

“I just wanted to say Zach, thank you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. I should of been there by your side, I should of known what would-”

“Zach! Stop! You could not have done anything more than what you did. And even if Bryce would of done that detestable thing I still would like you.”

You quickly place your palm on your mouth. Did you just say that out loud?

“You like me,” Zach questioned. 

You sheepishly looked down, then grabbed his much more bigger hand in yours, “yes Zach I do.”

Zach looked at you with an overjoyed expression. He inched closer to you putting his hoodie on your back. He gave you a toothy grin, squeezing your hand a little. 

“Hey you maybe wanna go hang out some time? I also need help on studying my history exam.”

You laughed and nodded, “I’d really like that.”

[cow3survivor]

Episode 1 Pt. 1: “Playing A Game With A Fresh Slate” - Jessica

JESSICA

chamomile

JABARI

So im a little slow with names to start but everyone seems chill and nice to be around. I hope I can find some like-minded people here 

JESSICA

Hello hello hello, it is Jessica here with a confessional. I don't know a single soul in this game except for Silver and we are not even on the same tribe. I also barely know him so it's basically like I'm playing a game with a fresh slate! It's nice because I feel like I used to have a Reputation with a capital R and sometimes that made it difficult to play the way I wanted (which is chaotically but in a cute way). But since no one knows me... I can use whatever strategy I want and hopefully they don't see it coming. I am tied for the oldest person here. Everyone is college aged (or even HIGH SCHOOL aged? Didn't know people still did that) so I do not know what we are going to talk about. My only interests are taxes and coffee, things that kids these days know nothing about! Also I am only allowed one teenager friend without it being weird and that person is Zach so I will just vote out the rest of the teenagers in this cast. The tribe wants to play pictionary later so I am going to join that and wow them all with my art skills. All right that's it, that's my confessional for this round. I probably won't even need to write any more until merge because I will be immune every round :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I am manifesting that it will happen 

CLOUD

my tribe is seeming kinda dry</3 but thats okay im here to be insane and annoying not to win 

SHANE 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IyGBdqi4OzsqrfedJim18OWhn-K1A5Lp/view?usp=sharing

PENNINO

I'm coming into this game with the mentality of "you need to write a vl everyday, a confessional every day and communicate with everyone every day. I don't think I know anyone on my tribe apart from Nicole and Silver, who I am looking forward to possibly work with. I'm the youngest as always. Jabari seems worried about the image he gives off. Nash looks like that chatty archetype, someone you can go to vent to. Mikey was pretty excited to not be the youngest. Jake seems like a pretty nice guy. His first ORG, and with 15 orgs under my belt, I think I actually can help, but he loves survivor so he must know the strategies. I think I know jones from other ORGs, but she wasn't very active today. Or maybe I just wasn't awake for it. Jennet seems like a cool person I'd like to talk to. Same goes for Lindsay. As for Brookesia, I couldn't help but notice that Ethan reminds me of someone, I just don't know why. No thoughts on Daisy, Lovelis, Sam, or Shane. Jessica is giving me a strange vibe. She's gonna get to swap/merge, and in those later days, I think she has the possibility to become a villain. Or maybe that's gonna be me hehehehe. Cloud spoke in ITALIAN in their Intro Video and I'M EXCITED CAUSE MAYBE THEYRE  ITALIAN. Madison is someone I know from another ORG and great person, may not get to even meet her, she may get booted out pre-swap. Everyone knows Sammy, may be considered as a liability and I do too. I'm hella scared of him, but I just hope Brookesia sees the threat before I'm on a tribe with him. And then there's Pete. Ughhhhhh whyyyyyy. Bitch you can't make that show up on my screen at 2 am and expect me not too have nightmares. May be just all for show and he may be voted out first. For now, let's just try to make friends. I could just go to Jake or Silver. I don't know yet, I still have to talk with everyone

NICOLE

So? This is overwhelming a bit. I haven’t played survivor in almost a year and really didn’t think I’d be playing any more games. Yet, here I am! And it’s very weird, because I like everyone so far on a surface level which means I might be the weakest member of the tribe? I don’t think that’s how that works. I’ve been talking to Jake a bit, Lindsay a bit, Pennino a bit, then I love Nash and Jones. Jennet and I were active at different times I think so I haven’t gotten to speak to them yet but I have watched them play Toy Story! And Jabari was really nice but we talked about the weather and the weather only so uh..we are gonna have to talk more. In a big game like this you have to have the personality and active time to move forward so, I’m trying to show people I have that. It’s just real hard to do so, and also Silver...he is hard to keep up with. I’ve been hosting him for the past month and I just find it difficult to find an in to align with him on, not really trying to align with him honestly. But I feel like I’d probably do good at pretending to align with him, which is all that matters right? In terms of the other tribe...kisses all of them. Sammy? Love of my life. Daisy? Love of all our lives. Like, these are super likable people! So it’s a little worrisome to have big personalities over there, I really hope they don’t eat each other before a swap can happen. Especially Madison and Daisy, both of them have a tendency to uh...stick with the men...and vote out the women. So I’m really hoping history doesn’t repeat because I’d love to work with both of them! I feel like I’m solid if I can find a way to keep communication constant this round and show I can help out. I feel like rallying the girls and the theys this round may be an opportunity. I feel bad because Silver is doing all this and I know sammy is a graphic designer LOL Speaking of he should be working on my book cover not this game...anyway I’m gonna go back to sleep for an hour before work but I hope this tribe shows an inact soon because I’m starting to feel like the weakest link 😳

PETE 

so right off the bat i’m really vibing with Ethan we immediately found our shared love for Bowser & Roadhog as our gay dads aw ♡ also talked to sammy since we have a little history but we’re cool i really think it’ll go well this time around at least i hope

(a little later)

IM SO HDDJ NICOLE IS HERE SHES GONNA KILL MEEEEEEEEEE IM DELETING BYE

LINDSAY

i recorded this very late so im sorry if its a mess: 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17C9vr8lGOFOx02Dg1_RrnYf4FznoVcYY/view?usp=sharing

Also to add one pennino immediately started interrogating me about people i didnt like and is generally not giving me great vibes like dude. chill it down on the aggression. you gotta make a connection w people before you start doing shit like that and we definitely didn't have one yet. obviously i vagued him (while giving him just a little bit of tea so it wasnt intensely obv i was vaguing) but dude... dont do that shit. we ain't even know if we goin' to tribal yet what the fuck.

ETHAN

Charan's Hot Confessional Questions for Leafy (Charan is my diary room buddy <3) :dance: 1. You've had the evening to get to meet your new tribemates! Who are you connecting with? Who are you struggling to connect with? How did the Tribe VC go? I feel like I am getting my foot in the door with most of them, so rather than saying who I am connecting super well with, I will say Kiki is the only one who I haven't had a conversation with. They got back from work right after everything happened, and I was already asleep, and they have not messaged me back yet today. The tribe vc was fun! I love vcs, as my diary room buddies RYAN and CHARAN know, as they are a way to make even deeper connections, and talk about things more efficiently. VCs are also a way to more quickly understand the personalities of who I am talking with, so I got a lot of info quickly. Super excited because my tribe looks awesome! :dance: 2. How do you personally assess your gameplay? Where do you think your strengths lay, especially in the early premerge? In what ways do you find yourself capitalizing on those strengths to keep yourself safe? My gameplay is 100% rooted in my social maneuverability. I try to understand those I play with, and preferably, have them as allies. Even if they aren't allies, if I understand how they think, I will be able to anticipate how they will act and react to certain scenarios. So far I hope to use my social game to keep me out of harm's way, as I don't need to be in control, I just can't be the one to go. If things go well, I will naturally be in a more powerful position as people come to trust me, but I can never be seen as going for one or being in one. Perception is everything, and on day 1, I am going for the perception that I am a nice volleyball coach with a passion for education, and I am just somebody who wants to have fun and make new friends. That is all true, and that is all I need to be! :dance: 3. I personally have 0 clue how idols/advantages are obtained in this org. Do you expect it to be difficult or easy? And does the easiness of finding idols factor into your gameplay at all? Or are you used to playing without having to rely on advantages? I expect this to be difficult. My luck in life and ESPECIALLY in orgs is abysmal. This system is rooted in luck but also social prowess, so I can set myself up the best I can socially but ultimately it is a luck-based system. I am not anticipating on finding anything this season if this is the only way to find things, but more importantly, I just need to know who finds what and when. I am used to playing without advantages, and just need to know who has them in order to adapt my gameplay to them. :dance: 4. Lastly, tell me about your day! What did u do that made u feel happy about today and what're ur plans for tomorrow? My day has been good so far! I told one of my volleyball teams that I coach about this, and they said they want to be in my video confessional, so maybe that will be coming soon :eyes:. I love what I do and coach a LOT of hours, so if I am not typing in here I am likely doing that. In addition to that, the semester is winding down for school, so hopefully, soon I will have less school work and I can focus on this and on coaching. For tomorrow I play to more deeply integrate myself socially, and start to talk game with people! 

JENNET

i fear i will not click with my tribemates... im easy to get along with but idk if these people will like me

JAKE

https://youtu.be/Q3eDyTryE0g when I tell y'all I've had it....

JENNET

I feel like nobody hears me when i speak :(( i dont wanna sound like a toddler but hopefully its just my insecurities and they do enjoy me

(a little later)

Silver is kinda... hmmm kinda weird i dont like to isolate people or be mean but that’s just something i noticed. i do enjoy having somebody that’s awkward around bc it does take the edge/pressure off me being awkward

(after an afternoon of swimming)

this is such a different experience than what im used to.... nobody really messages me like at all and ive reached out but idk-

JESSICA

Well we are here on day three doing an immunity challenge. I hope we win! Today's song of the day is: HELLO by Allie X (I have listened to it 30 times this morning alone).

So far I like my tribe enough. I find people are falling into two categories: active/chatty or quieter/a little more difficult to talk to. In category one we have:

- Ethan: One of my favourite people to talk to so far, really liking him.

- Sammy: The only person I've talked any strategy with. I really like that out of the gate he was like "hey let's not waste time, let's STRATEGIZE". Since he was the one that brought that up first, I'm thinking I might go to him today (whether we win immunity or not) and see what he thinks about starting an official alliance with any of the people in category 1 (or anyone at all really)

- Daisy: Daisy seems very sweet and is easy to talk to. I really like her!

- Lovelis: Oh my gosh.... at first I was like hmmm not sure what my opinion is of this guy. But then we realized we are both from the FB Org community and now we are hitting it off! He said he cheered for me when I played Kingdoms Collide.

- Pete: Umm I don't really have a read on Pete but he does reply pretty quickly when I message him.

And then in the not so active group:

- Sam: Sam is actually here quite a bit but I've found he's a little difficult to talk to. He doesn't move conversations forward a lot. However we have been bonding over the evil that is braces/retainers so now he is opening up a bit.

- Shane: For some reason, I keep thinking he is also named Ethan? Not sure why. Shane is fine but same as Sam; not great at keeping conversations moving forward.

- Cloud: Okay I love Cloud. They are great and I really want to talk to them more! But they are also a little spotty with how much they're online. I would not want to vote them out if we lost but I also would not necessarily stop others if they wanted to.

- Madison: She is not here very much and doesn't seem to be putting in the effort when she is. Like she's left me on read already and in the span of 48 hours (or however long it's been since the game started) we have barely spoken at all and I've had to start the convo twice. I'd probably most want to vote her out if we lost.

In an ideal perfect wonderful world, we will win immunity and that gives me more time to try and subtly get some form of alliance going. I don't want to be the one to push it directly so I'm going to try and get Sammy to suggest it to people.

Usually I find I get two placements in games: I make it to merge as a non-threat and then kill it in the second half + go really far or I play too big too fast and by late pre-merge/early merge, I'm taken out. The only times I've gone into merge with a threat label and still won, I either won every single immunity (what's up, Jordan Pines!) or I had a once in a lifetime alliance. In my experience, it's way easier to play from a non-threatening position where everyone likes you.

I used to have that strategy down perfectly but it's been a few years so let's see if I still remember how the heck you win Survivor!

PETE

BYE IM GOING HOME LITERALLY I ONLY SCORED LIKE TWICE MY ASS IS FUCKING DEAD FUUUUUUUUCK

JONES

:pensive_cow: So we get on the beach and like omg I arrive like,, two hours later than everyone else but that’s all gucci idrc ab that but IN HINDSIGHT NOW feel like such an outsider on this TRIBE????????? It’s all internal I think. I haven’t done anything to make me an outsider other than be super super busy and preoccupied but I FEEL SO WEIRD :((( idk!! It might also be an age thing tho,, Bc it seems like a lot of people on my tribe are like 14-18 or smth like that I feel like the weird aunt who lives down the block!!! These kids make me SICK!!! But ya. It’s not like I have no one tho I’m just v v sad and feel rlly tuned out of everyone’s thoughts ajdkdkdkdk but uhm. 👉👈 first impressions cast assessment:

Jabari- have NOT had the chance to pm her 1 on 1 yet, but she was on call for a hot minute yesterday after the challenge was released!! She gave Lindsay some insight on the flash game which I thought was super super neat :) Jake - I definitely think on first impression he’s trying to take on a bit more of a savior leadership type position by organizing everyone for the immunity challenge and trying to make his own quirky cute flag too, but idk if we rlly like ? Need a leader rn ? I get it’s in good conscience but it’s a lil unnecessary. I do think he’s super super sweet tho and I loved his flag :) Mikey - this boy. JSJDJDKKD I think he’s TOTALLY FINE don’t get me WRONG but idk why he was like ,,, unintentionally lowkey shady??????? JAJDJFJFK LIKE when Jake’s flag came into consideration one of the first things Mikey said was smth like “well the judges might think it’s more illustration than a flag” LIKE AKSKSKSK ITS NOT A BIG DEAL ITS A FUCKING FLAG ANJSKS I think it might be,, an age thing or just him wanting his flag to be used which is FINE but it’s a reward challenge and it’s flagmaking it’s not,, the biggest deal ankskdksks I do appreciate his work ethic tho :3

Jennet - I’ve never heard bad things ab jennet so I’m RLLY EXCITED to get to meet them esp since they’re also kinda involved w fast twitter and whatnot but I feel like they kinda came in rlly hot? Like “I’m here to play this for real” I think Is what they said which isn’t totally fine but it’s also like,,, yes. Cool. Idk what it means ig hsjsjsj idk they’re v fun tho :)) definitely wanna work w them long term

Nicole - i Keep thinking Nicole is my emotional support counselor I’m so happy she’s here but I don’t wanna strictly rely on her ya feel (I don’t think I am rn Bc I think I have at least 2 solid allies anskkdkd but I don’t want to have to fall on Nicole Bc shes my friend yk)

Nash - is never rlly online :(( they messaged me yesterday and I messaged them back but they never respondedddddddddd Ik they said they napped but! Where are u I miss u

Pennino - this boy. ANDKFKDKDK he’s the kind of person that will respond to PMs w one word sentences and then go fking off in tribe chat like his life depends on it AJDKDKKDD I don’t see myself bonding w him that well tbh :( I think in the end it’s probs an age thing but he def seems nice and excited to play

Silver - at first I loved his intro,, filled me w joy,, but when I messaged him a bit later I felt like our convo was kinda stale? But THEN yesterday on call?? Chefs kiss I love silver sm. He said he wants to work w me too so BONUS??????? YES!!

Lindsay - this is it folks. This is the one. I love Lindsay sm. I haven’t had a great first impression convo w anyone like lindsay in a long long LONG ass time and I’m so. Appreciative. We both have said we wanna work w each other and I’m so so excited GOD lindsay is so incredible

But ya have to go back to work kiss me on the lipz

DAISY

https://youtu.be/TI72H8w-EK8

JENNET

flopped the immunity comp so i fear i may be next :/// i havent really made an connections this is sick

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 2: “My secret alliance is over before it even started” - Tyler

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f9uh2olp1Q&feature=youtu.be

Amy A.

Definitely more people coming up to talk to me and that makes me excited. Have had about 4 or 5 people tell me they wanna work with me and that’s amazing. Formed an alliance w Ryan and (totally forgot his name) called outsiders which is basically all of us not from USA. Hope they’re true allies. Excited for what’s going to happen next. 

Najwah

Tribal council was insane and intense. I understand why it's so easy for people to slip up when asked questions. My heart was racing to the point of me feeling nauseas haha. I can't believe we blindsided Neil. He took it well though. Aimee is feeling a little left out and I think she's taking it personally. I really like her though and would love to work with her too. I think it's about time we start a strong girls alliance. I may get Amy in on it too. And Sarah. We'll see. I can't guage where exactly I stand with people yet but people can lie lmao and I made more of those who lied very easily. Like James and Sarah. Watching them. 

Leanne

Mixed feelings on tribal. At least we are all still here, and at least I was on the right side of the boat. I didn’t have any bond with Neil so I didn’t care about seeing him voted out. But now I’m rethinking my relationship with Zach. What he decided to do today was dumb. Big moves just for the sake of big moves usually are. He kept repeating, the easy vote isn’t always the right vote, but sometimes it is, and I didn’t see a point in doing that, especially if it’s only for the sake of playing hard. You don’t play to go hard, you play to win! Of course I didn’t say that for three reasons. First, I didn’t care at all about Neil; he was perfectly expendable. Second, I still regard Zach as a close ally, at least for now. Third, once again no one will dare to be the dissenting voice. Right before Zach dropped that bomb shell, at least on me anyway, we were talking about how we trusted each other and wanted to go the distance together. He asked me who I was closest to, and I said him and Najwah. with Ben as a distant third, then floated the idea of starting a power trio with him and Ben. That’s when he told me Neil was the target. I asked whose idea it was, and he didn’t give me a name, he gave me reasons. I’m not sure if it was his move or not.

The other likely suspect is Cody, especially because when Zach brought the big group together, most were clueless... what’s going on here? Then Cody said, how about we summarize the events of the last hour? Well, I’d known about it for maybe a few minutes prior, but certainly not an hour. Cody at least knew about it before I did. I’m almost positive the idea was at least one of their’s.  right as it was all going down, when it was up in the air and I didn’t know which way it was going to go, Aimee messaged me and asked me for a name, and I told her Amy because at that point Zach made me promise to keep it confidential. I later found out that Zach wanted to bring her in but she had told him she was close to Neill. Oh, so *that’s* why you asked me who I was closest to. I’m wondering exactly who else he spoke to before he made the big group chat, and to what degree. He’s unpredictable, and I don’t like it. And in case I haven’t mentioned it, I very much don’t like making moves for the hell of it, with no good reason beyond that. But back to Aimee.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that she got left out of the vote. I was on the verge of messaging her privately and saying, I have new information but you have to promise it stays between us: I just found out the target is Neil, but vote Amy anyway in case he plays an idol. If I were her right now I’d be pissed and confused, and I wanted her to think I was on her side, and build a relationship, especially if she thinks everyone else is against her. But I didn’t trust her enough not to rat me out. Besides, the reason she was left out in the first place was because she was close to Neill. How close I don’t know, and I don’t know if she would have fought to protect him. So I am happy to have been included and on the right side of the numbers. It shows I’m not on the bottom tier, which seems to be Aimee, The outsider, and Amy, Who wasn’t around. And I knew she’d vote for me, I knew it, I knew it, because if I were her and didn’t have any information at all, that’s exactly what I’d do. Doesn’t mean I liked it but fair is fair.

The group consensus is that we can vote Amy as an easy vote next time. I just hope *someone* doesn’t flip again without a good reason. Amy TI am shocked, but also not shocked. I knew I was taking a HUGE risk not jumping on the initial video chat, but I slid through this vote. I had a feeling an alliance formed there. I almost reached out to a few I thought would be in that alliance before this vote, but didn't want to look like I was scrambling. I am thankful to make it through to the next round, and after today I no longer have company and will be semi settled into my new apartment, so I am really going to try to be more active in video calls so that I can bond better with my tribe.

I fear I am the next vote otherwise. I am also going to bring this up, and I don't know if I should, but I will say it anyway. I am actually quite disappointed in the vote, but it falls in line with the pattern of all survivor votes: first vote is most always a person of color or an elderly individual, and we have no one old. Sure, it's a coincidence, and I didn't really know Neil, but it's not a great pattern to uphold. But as others quoted Sandra, a will do the same: anyone but me. Now I am playing from the bottom, which is nerve-wracking.

Pedro A

i feel like i will sit out ..cause i dont feel good about this challenge

Pedro A

Also we came from Winning and if i screw it up...it will be all blamed on me...so its better if i just keep my name out of this one

John B

Watching the other tribe's tribal council has me stressed because it seems like Neil went because he was a threat. That does not sit well with me because I already have Ryan telling people I have the "winner vibes" I need to simultaneously kick it into high gear and keep a low profile if that's going to be the tone for the game. hopefully we can kill this challenge, this feels like something that is going to be up my Alley because I love Survivor Trivia. Hopefully this goes well because I do not want to get voted out!

Zack M

ok. setting a scene. let's pretend this is big brother. wrong show but play along with me. hey neil. if you seeing this, it's nothing personal. you were out of the chat all day yesterday and then had everyone eating out of your hand within 10 minutes of being back. you were ready to play but not as hard as me. i started with cody, worked it up through ben, added sarah into the mix, and then sprinkled the rest in. the recipe for your ending. sorry about it! hope to stay friends outside of the house. 

wait .... but srsly ... i did that. I CAUSED A BLINDSIDE. what?! i'm shook. i can't believe these people are listening to me. so wild. honestly knowing 4 people drafted me really put the fire in me. i always draft and i hate when i lose. this is me winning for me and you. feel free to venmo me to show your support.

in all honesty. it was strictly a game move. neil was a threat. we all saw it. that's it. i know i could possibly have a huge target on my back but i feel like i'm playing a strong social game. i hope the people in my final 4 trust me (sarah, ben, and cody) because i'm ride or die for them. i asked to make sure getting neil out wouldn't hurt their game. look at me being thoughtful. hopefully they notice it and hopefully the rest believe all the lies i tell him. because truly, it was so last minute. *evil smile* 

Zack M

am i confessing too much? i don't know BUT challenge 2 is survivor knowledge and i have none. -oop. i'm a fake fan. i live tweet and forget. hoping my team pulls this one out because i'm going to MCDs for some chicken nuggets and then continuing with my social game. 

also, amy thanked me for keeping her but she didn't thank any of the other people in my alliance. does amy know more than we think? also, your'e welcome amy. 

Pedro A

I feel this challenge will be a MESS...we will for sure lose, ...Tyler is not even seeing any of the messages...and some people are seeing the messages and not choosing A PAIR....i kinda feel like we will lose...the other tribe will bring they're A game....i just hope at this point...THAT A MIRACLE WILL HAPPEN

Tyler H

Ok I’m very upset my secret alliance is over before it even started! But I don’t think I’m in a bad spot right now, I think I’m growing an army slowly and all I can do is hope we don’t lose the next challenge and I can gain momentum 

James Hayden

https://youtu.be/hvUgCa6joQc

Aimee

NEIL! BUDDY! I’m soooo sorry!!!! I had no idea the majority was going to blindside you like that! It was just horrible to watch. I’m gonna play my heart out for you! You deserved a chance to play this game! I hope you make it on the real Survivor! I don’t understand what made these people so threatened by you, I did not see anything of the sort. You were voted out I guess because you were pleasant????? Well...We’ll have to play Dead by Daylight on PlayStation once this is over for me. Take care of yourself and I’m sure we’ll talk again real soon.

As far of my read on the game....I am not clueless. The second the votes were read I knew Amy voted for Leanne, Neil and I were set up to vote for Amy and everyone else voted for Neil. I messaged people who bold-faced lied to me about the vote and they all confirmed my suspicions without me having to say anything about it. Hahahahahha. Do these kids really think I am that simple? I might’ve been recruited but this is absolutely not my first rodeo. 

Oh, and for the record... and this is obvious: Leanne Zack and Sarah are all working together. You heard it here first. Guys, your messages to me are extremely telling. I guess I truly am Michelle playing this game now...how fitting. But get ready for your girl to pull all the stops from the underdog position. It’s where I honestly will thrive.

Already hopped right onto Amy before anyone got a chance to set me up and say “oh well Aimee wanted to vote for you”. Yeah that wasn’t even true, everyone adamantly told me to do that and it was the majority. They set her up too. Also checked back with my girl Najwah (think we are in it to win it), Cody, as well as James and Ben. (Hoping these guys are being genuine with me too) Think that is my best bet moving forward. All 4 of these people claimed they were told last minute...which I believe. NOBODY bothered to tell Amy anything. It is absolutely bizarre to me that they thought me and Neil were so close that they couldn’t tell me about that vote? All night and day no one said anything about the vote and I had the hunch that Zack probably had the most social capital out of anyone so I reached out to him first. He is honestly the biggest threat but it’s no kidding that he and Leanne chose Neil to be the target. Leanne absolutely shit the bed with the typing challenge! Okay? I tripled her score and I was not going that fast. Let me just talk about that again real quick....600 numbers in an hour?! Did that math.... that’s one number typed every five seconds. Did she like, stop typing and go grab a snack or text her friends on her phone or something? How is that possible?! Make it make sense. 

To be honest, for everyone not bothering messaging me after the vote to smooth things over and try preserve my relationship with them proves how sloppy they are being with this vote. AGAIN I had to be the one to reach out to almost everyone, just like yesterday. They think they are playing next level 4D chess but they are severely underestimating me. Could’ve been an easy vote but I guess people to want to make “big movez” even when it is detrimental for us as a tribe. I could cause a lot of damage and I have the knowledge; know that! If I made the jury, would I give them a vote for that kind of gameplay? Nope. I am keeping all this information in and playing it very chill and “yes girl” but I will absolutely strike when I need to. I have an ability to make people feel comfortable and trust me and maybe even feel guilt about how they treated me. I will ride that wave as far as I can until I can set up shop for the next vote. 

Zack M

here to nervous rant .. i thought got a strike because i sent a screenshot of my call log to a group i accidentally cheek called when a friend's phone disconnected. lol what?! trust me .. i know. TODAY HAS BEEN A DAY FOR ME. 

look the truth is .. i would do it again! i know there is a target on my back after switching the votes and getting neil out. i don't need anything extra working against me at the moment. breaking rules, lying, .... am i the bad boy of the season? because like i'm not cool enough for that title. 

Zack M

ok. i'm seriously over this challenge. who even knew survivor wiki was a thing? why would you remember / want to remember this stuff? i'm reading some of the things that the tribe is adding and thinking to myself, "did i even watch survivor?" 

the only thing i can remember is wendy freeing the chickens, kim not winning winners at war, and chris underwood's penis bulge. that's his last name, right? like i could literally draw it for you. why can't that be a challenge?

anyways, tomorrow should be fun. i'll have to pretend that i'm contributing if jay doesn't accept my idea to play the word game with their names. fingers crossed we win. however, i'm not too hopeful. i have a feeling the other team has some good players. is it bad i'm ready for the merge this early? also, if we don't lose ... what do i do with all that free time? how am i supposed to bond more? all i care about is making sure that ben, sarah, and cody stay loyal to me. i know i should want to merge with numbers but i think it's clear i like a challenge. i want a resume and a cover letter when i get to the end. 

Ryan

I've put so much effort into this challenge. Kinda desperately hoping that my tribe sees that and realise I'm valuable. Or more valuable then some at least

John B

Lol remember when I said I might throw Maddison under the bus? Well strike that because we are for sure working together now. We may be behind in the challenge but honestly I’m not worried because it’s super close so far and half the tribe hasn’t done anything yet so I think we will be fine. If we don’t end up pulling out the win my target will still probably be Ryan. I could see people going for Tyler or honestly even Amy (just because she’s not on very often) but if I have a say I definitely want Ryan out. I do not trust him at all. Hopefully it won’t come to that but at least I have a plan.

Alan B

I think this game is gonna be pretty hard to manage alongside work especially while covid has got my mental health just blasted, i might end up dropping out before my time, but for now i think i'll hold on for at least a little while longer

Zack M

omg we still have two hours left of this competition. i've done all i'm willing to do to pretend like was helping out. finger crossed the host doesn't share how many facts each person contributed. i would have like 3. lol. 

real note, i thought this game was one night like sequester. i didn't know what i was signing up for. i feel duped. but i needed a second to step away. i started out playing so hard. i need switch up my strategy. this is a sprint, not a marathon. i don't need to run the tribe. i just need to be in all the conversations. haha. 

i have a feeling we will be losing tonight so i'm just chilling. ready to see what everyone says. again, i feel like i have a huge target on my back.

i'm like kat on big brother last season, "are you bitches conspiring against me?"

the only people i haven't talked to one on one is james and najwah. james is in my 5. i'll have a conversation with him tonight or i'll have a conversation in the group of 5. one or the other. i feel like i should talk to najwah as well but i like is that obvious. maybe i'll start it right when the challenge is done, before we know if we won or lost. that's a little more chill, right? ugh. 

amy would be the easiest vote but i feel like she would be on my side. najwah is the only person i would care to vote out but i feel like cody and leanne are close to her. 

oh, not sure if i shared this but leanne wanted to start a trio with ben and i. that's cool. i like leanne so i'd like to keep her as long as possible.

this confession is starting to get lazy so i'm going to go back to watching real housewives of potomac. i'll check in win or lose .... because we have to. :) 

Alan B

I'm trying to be a team player so that we don't have to vote anyone out for as long as possible, but i feel like this is a bad strategy long term - especially once the merge happens then it'll be gone and i'll be a threat

Zack M

told you we were going to lose. that's it. that's the confessional. 

Olivia A

I’m super proud of us for winning the second challenge! I feel really good about my contribution and our team work. I think the excitement from continuing to win will keep motivating us and hopefully lead to a significant streak. 

Pedro A

im so happy that we won...even tho some people that dont understand the concept of  team work 

Maddison

This challenge really showed who is pulling their weight. Even though the doc was anonymous, the chat activity and general conversation led me to believe there are a couple of slackers that should be first to go when the time comes. I hope my tribemates don’t grow complacent after these two wins. The other tribe will be out for blood. 

Amy A

So far I’ve spoken privately with everyone except Tyler and some two others. So I’m guessing my social game isn’t shabby. Also, we WON again. Such a delight because I don’t want to do tribal council this early in the game. Idol hunting was a bust today too but hoping for the best. Madison and I seem to be getting closer by the day. She checks in with me most of the time and hypes me  up for challenges. Definitely want to be aligned with her. 

John B

Winning feels AMAZING, especially since half of the tribe hadn't started until half the time was gone. Our tribe feels really strong right now. That being said, I definitely noticed some people not participating as much as everyone else, Tyler disappeared and didn't contribute for most of the challenge. I think it is safe to say he will probably be first out from our tribe at this point if we lose, but who knows anything can happen. I'm still gunning for Ryan. Hopefully we can keep this positive momentum going. I am going to keep working on my alliance. I have all of the pieces with my relationships with Pedro, Maddison, Grae, Olivia, and kind of Alan, I just need to wait for the right time to bring the pieces together.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V96zovCVssg&feature=youtu.be

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RVOZFYZc24

Sarah

SORRY FOR THIS BRICK. Wow. There is too much to talk about after tonight. Lost another challenge in which everyone kicked ASS. This vote at tribal council is definitely not based on a lack of effort on anyone’s part. 

Right now, we have our majority of five (Cody, Zack, Ben, James, and I) so we can decide who goes home. We are leaning toward Amy (with a Y) because she’s not as available and we really need people on the tribe to be all in. We have made a large group with everyone but Amy saying it’s Amy so everyone feels included and we aren’t exposing our majority alliance. Of course we are worried that Aimee may be talking to Amy and expose all of us. Or that Amy has an idol so maybe a 7-1-1 vote would be safer. Amy is really just trying to get in a group and is reaching out to everyone to the point where she is copy and pasting her messages that she’s sending us. 😂 Leanne told Amy that people are saying Aimee so if we need to tell Amy that as well we can. I am a little worried about Leanne if she is telling lies that easily. I have really enjoyed getting to know my alliance well these past few days. HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN FOUR DAYS.  Zack is always bringing the comic relief and Ben and James are so loyal and genuine. Cody is my RIDE or DIE. I am hoping that people don’t catch on to how close we are but we do have so much trust in each other and just are always on the same page. Having a ride or die has always been my Survivor strategy. Cody and I are praying to those Survivor gods that we can stay on the same tribe come tribal swap time. Amy T

Right after challenge results 7/13. https://youtu.be/dC7ORD2w4BQ

Amy T

update 10pm pst 7/13. Well I have reached out to everyone and I am so confused. Right after the challenge Leanne threw out Aimee's name saying everyone is saying that. Which was odd because it was so soon. I quickly learned there is a large group chat which I'm not in, so it is possible. But I asked around and people either didn't say a name or know what they were doing, or they said they heard Aimee from Leanne. So here's where I stand either they are all saying the same thing to me and it's actually me going home. or Leanne is trying to run the show and she is making up who to vote for on a whim and then saying everyone is saying this. I tend to think that it's actually too early for them to have a large group. And I honestly think Leanne is misinforming people on purpose. I'm fine with whoever as long as it's not for me but it rubs me the wrong way to think somebody you know next to vote can just say my name or someone I'm working with name on a whim and just tell everyone that you know everyone is saying this and everyone goes with it. Because it seems like the last vote she also fed information to people. So as it stands now I am leaning towards Leanne but I haven't made a move on that because I'm scared I'm coming off as playing too hard and I know that's what got me all voted out. In the end it doesn't make a difference if they do have a large chat because they already know and I'm already gone but if that's not the case I Maybe the only one sticking their neck out. And maybe it's stupid me because it's not even my name on the shopping block that I know of. Well we'll see if I make it through this but if I do and if I can gather votes, There is a possibility to get numbers. I think I have Ben on my side Aimee on my side I think Zack is on my side unless he is close with Leanne and it seems like Cody might want to work with me. That everyone's lying to me and I'm going home so haha.

Leanne

Feeling a bit frustrated and discouraged at the moment; two losses will do that to you. Trying to organize my thoughts into something resembling order. I was relieved and optimistic when I saw what the challenge was going to be. We had a fighting chance. It was close and it was intense. These last few days on the whole have been intense, and I don’t think I realized that would be the case. There’s definitely a question of just how much I’m going to be willing to give to this. How many more times am I willing to stay up way too late because somebody wants to get on a call? How much more am I going to make myself available at damn near any hour to drop everything and jump on Skype every time it goes off? If you absent yourself from any of it you’re a target, and that’s what’s going on with Amy right now. I’ve been talking to a few people, most notably Zach and Ben, and the consensus seems to be Amy. I would be fine with this, but their reasoning alarmed me somewhat. They said Aimee had been going around talking to people, trying to figure out why she was left out of the vote. Well, she hasn’t been talking to me. Amy, on the other hand, has. We’ve had a few good conversations yesterday and the night before, and it doesn’t look like she’s talked to anyone else. So it would be a lot more beneficial for me to have her around, who is presumably talking to me over and above others, then to have Aimee, who is talking to others and not me. But I don’t think I’ll try to change things for a number of reasons, not least of which because I have no idea how to justify my position. Also I’m not sure how strong our little power trio is or isn’t, and I don’t want a repeat of last time, a shakeup just for the sake of a shakeup. Let’s not set the precedent that that’s a thing that will just happen. The tribe seems so unified against Amy. Cody put us all into a group without her and we all agreed summarily to get rid of her. She might have made a good ally but I think I may just have to sacrifice her; she probably isn’t worth fighting to protect. I reached out to Aimee... Best start trying to build that up. We got in a few superficial commiserations about losing but nothing more than that. I don’t feel good about her.

In other news, I’ve been trying to solicit info on the idol hunt, with little success. Najwah and I have taken similar paths. I asked her about it, and she got back to me, but she did so just as my turn was happening. I really wish I had more Intel on what’s on the mountain. Zach says he’s found nothing, and I hesitate to go there in case there’s something bad. I thought that earlier on but doubly so now that I know we have a disadvantage in the next challenge, dammit!!!!! I’m going to ask Najwah if hers was in the perfume, so I know what not to do. I’ve been considering trying to pole coins with her and go in together on the jewelry box or something. Haven’t decided yet. I may go up the mountain after all. First I want to ask a few of my tribemates where this disadvantage was. It tells us as a team not to go there, and if it’s a binary option, go left or right down the road for instants, and left leads to something bad... Well anyway I haven’t decided what to do yet.

Pedro A

Okay, so today I wanna talk to Kalle, Maddison, and Tyler...I didn't have the chance to talk to them yet...so I wanna see where they're head is at the moment.

Also, I feel like I can trust Alan... I gave them my coins...and now they have an idol...... I feel like they can trust me now....and also....i feel like we can use the idol to our advantage...since no one else knows were in an alliance..except for John.

John is my nº1 person in this game....which could later in the game kick my butt....I'm afraid he might be more respected than me down the line... I guess only time will tell...now I gotta go the bathroom byeeeee

James Hayden

Morning of day 5 and I'm nervous/paranoid AF! I talked to Ben last night for twenty minutes about short term and long term strategy. We both agreed that voting out Amy is everyone's best move and will cause the least amount of waves. I went to bed feeling good about my position in the game. This morning I woke up to a message from Sarah suggesting we do a 7-1-1 in case Amy has an idol. I responded saying I don't think she has an idol, but if she does should we do a 6-2-1, so we can decide who goes and avoid a revote? That was around 8:00am CST and she hasn't responded. I know she read it which is freaking me out. Did she just throw that out there to see my response and to throw me off he scent of my blindside???? I'm nervous that some shady shit's happening. 

I also sent a good morning message to the vote out Amy group chat around 8:45 and no one responded!!! We are active chatters and the fact that no one responded worries me. I hope I'm just overthinking this, which is on brand for me, and nothing bad will happen tonight. But I don't know. If it's me, I wouldn't be surprised. I hate that I'm thinking about this on day 5. I'm not even close to finishing this game. 

Note: Cody and Ben just responded in our group chat as I typed this. we may be good then??? 

Note: I lost power this morning, so I'm at my parents house who have power and AC. No AC in the summer in New Orleans is no good. I would've recorded this, but they're sleeping and I didn't want to disturb them.

Cody A

https://youtu.be/gSbNCp7UBLY

Leanne

So, idol hunt news. Go figure, I was so freaked out about finding a disadvantage that I didn’t want to do anything at all, and of course I went and got one. A certain Alanis Morissette verse about being afraid to fly comes to mind. I am now debating whether I should quietly tell a few people, so that people know what not to do. We are in serious need of a win here, and this next round isn’t looking good. I told Zach, in a, don’t make the same mistake, kind of way. Even though I don’t feel quite as fantastic about him as I did before the last tribal, I still do consider him an ally, at least for now. So for now I will give him good info about things, if only because I want good info from him in return. This next tribal should make things more clear. We were talking about Amy this morning. He said she’s scrambling and wanting to know where the vote is going, and pointing out how there’s a whole chat going on with everyone except her. So I said, in a way I hoped would get the message across, well at least we know that this is going to be easy and no crazy stuff and no drama. He affirmed that, and brought up several times the easy vote thing. So at least it looks like he doesn’t want to rock the boat. If something crazy happens between now and then he’ll be marked in my mental file folder as unpredictable and suspicious. If not then I will move forward trusting him.

John B

Alrighty, so many developments since the challenge ended. SO! Pedro and I have been talking about the possibility of a tribe swap/expansion which has us both STRESSED. I also found out that Alan has the immunity idol because Pedro donated some coins to them. This is great to know even though it is terrifying. Hopefully Alan and I are on good terms, I feel like we are but until we vote and we can see where everyone stands, who's to say. Kalle and I have been talking a lot more and I think we are definitely settling into an alliance. We are both getting bad vibes from Tyler which feels like the general consensus so far. He disappeared from the challenge yesterday which I think we all noticed. I love that we keep winning but I think if we go too long without a vote things might get messy. For now, we are perpetually in a state of the calm before the storm, at least I have Pedro.

Kalle N

While I'm glad that we won another challenge, I'm also sad bc this means we still don't really have to strategize. Thankfully people have still been reaching out to me though. The "rox the sox" alliance is still good I think even though it's been quiet and no strategy has really been discussed. I've been talking a lot to John, and we actually both started throwing out names of people we've talked to and who we don't like so far. John told me he's good with Pedro and Maddison after I said I was good with them (I said their names bc I know they've talked to almost everyone and I wanted to see if he would agree or give other names but he didn't). We also both agreed that we get bad vibes from Tyler which is reassuring bc I really want to vote him when we get the chance. He also said he trusts me 100% and wants to talk real strategy and I don't think he'd have any reason to lie to me yet so I'm also trusting him. 

Zack M

oop- i drank a bottle of wine last night and forgot to confess. my b. i mean, really nothing has changed. back to the first tribal vote .... it's amy's time. some of my alliance members want aimee out but i'm really trying hard to push that out of their mind. 

do i trust aimee? absolutely not. is she a bigger threat than amy? 100%. however, amy suffers from a common disease called "not being able to read the room". i know she is scared and she is scrambling but it's messy. when you are in the majority alliance and everyone is sharing that you're copying it pasting it's low key embarrassing and like that's nothing against amy! truly. she is a pleasure and like i would totally facetime her in the future and gossip with a beer. a lesson in the future if you're reading this amy, make sure to be around on night one! gotta build connections. also, copy and paste is not your friend. get creative. i always write these and then think at the end ... lol what if i go home?  i'm going to look so stupid. but honestly my social game is so strong right now. hoping it pays off. if not, whatever it's a compliment. let's be real for one second. we all know i'm the biggest threat on this tribe at the moment. if i fall from the top, at least i was at the top. and it was beautiful. oh and also cody and i thought we were slick and were going to get the idol at the market today so i gave him 5 coins. it wasn't the idol. that sucks. but i would rather be the one holding it so i'm not sweating it. 

Najwah

Yesterday's immunity challenge is still haunting me. I was literally working on that shit for over 12 hours and TRIED SO HARD, however it seems as though some people just didn't try at all? So many people were just tapped out and made ZERO effort. They're the same people that seem to be running things and making the big decisions? Also there is talk of someone having found the immunity idol. I approached Aimee with the idea of starting a women's alliance because honestly, I got annoyed at the guys (EXCEPT MY BOY CODY) yesterday. My alliance with Leanne seems solid. Sarah hasn't spoken to me since the first day. Today is also the first day of shark week so I feel very shit and tired. If I stay up until 3am only to be voted out I am going to be big mad. Zack reached out to me last night. I actually have a lot more in common with him. We have unanimously decided to vote Amy out but I don't really trust any of them.if it were real life survivor and I could see people's eyes and read their body language, I'd have made a move to somehow let Amy stay and get someone else out. Perhaps someone else is doing that and they're getting me out lmao. I can't believe we lost again. I hate it here. 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2LsbITMPpw

Ben Kessler

Dear Confessional,

Hello Jay. It's me, Ben. Every tribal council makes me nervous but I will take these people down one by one using my charm and good looks. After 2 challenge losses, I'm fairly content just losing every challenge and voting all these paranoid people out one by one. I'm cool with that. Might make it happen, who knows. The Amy's are scary because they won't say anything concrete. But I am 20 years old and therefore invincible. If I get voted out tonight I am going to look like a dumbass. Feel free to send this to the VL. I will win this game but it is a marathon, and people are playing it like a sprint. 

John B

YIKES! As if he wasn’t already a Target Tyler just shot himself in the foot. He made such a rude comment about the other tribe and I am uncomfortable. I think if we lose it’s pretty set in stone who the first out is going to be at this point.

Olivia A

On my first idol hunt I went to the market and found the prices of various items. There was a jewelry box for 20 coins and I feel like there’s probably a clue or something in there. Right now I have 10 coins that I found in the boat and I’m hoping to find more so I can buy the jewelry box before anyone else does. 

Aimee

You know? This confessional would’ve looked a looooot different last night after we lost again and just the sheer amount of mind games going on, and anger and frustration but you know what! I feel like I have come full circle. This won’t be the same daily bitchfest as usual. At least not at the moment. Right, so, tonight I am either being blindsided, or I finally actually have my footing in this game. The vote will test that. I am going home...or not. All I can do is rely on my social skill and connections I have with people here who actually talk. I have my roots in almost every contestant and I am hearing things that match with other people are saying...so if I leave then EVERYONE is lying and EVERYONE had to play me not just some. It’s a little doubtful but anything can happen within fifteen minutes as we seen last time. Information is everything! I feel like although I am playing from the bottom, I am not playing blind. By having the Individual connections with people like Cody, Ben, Najwah, James, and Zack, I can compare and tell if what people are saying is true or not. Amy is another huge piece of the puzzle people overlook. I really wish Amy wasn’t on the outs and I really like her but everyone on this tribe formed a group chat without her in it and said it’s her. Interesting thing is, they have no idea how much I have talked to Amy and the tea she is spilling about what they’re saying too.

I learned that Leanne told her that they all had a group chat episode one as well that didn’t include her me or Neil fifteen minutes before the vote. Amy told me she is going around asking people who the vote is which Leanne apparently told her it was me. I think it’s a ploy so she votes me but the vote hopefully really is not. Knowing she is talking to people, I can cross check with the people who I am closest to in the game besides Amy. Which they confirm she is running around talking to everyone making people paranoid. The people I am closest to don’t want another fifteen minute thing again and are saying no one is talking to them and it makes them nervous and at least I am taking. Like........?????? That has been exactly the case. No one really seems to ever be talking?!?!?!?!? They say they trust me because Im not quiet and I don’t just spit names out at them last second. And guess what? That matches up because it’s how some people talk to me too. I caught people who never talk to me just coming up to me like episode one being like Sarah asking “are you okay with the vote?”  I’m like....uhhhh what vote? The one that I talked only with Zack about? Oh! So he told you? Great now I know you’re together hahahahaha.

Leanne is another one who doesn’t really talk to me at all but always seems to be leading the vote after someone. Other people confirm this with me too. Oh and don’t forget people using the SAME VOCAB WORDS I USED to one person and repeat them to me minutes later. Pretty obvious. I think by just playing a half way decent normal social game I can start really getting a foothold here if I can just make it through this vote. But apparently that is what made Neil such a threat last time. I have to adapt constantly, whether it is talk more or don’t talk too much. It’s really hard to play when no one says much to each other but that’s the mold I have to break through.

Grae G

Hewwooo uh so busted my ass on that challenge that shit was ROUGH but you know you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m officially aligned with: Olivia kalle Maddison (as an alliance), individuals: John, & Alan. I’m talking to Pedro and Amy but we aren’t aligned. I feel like I have pretty good movability W all the talking but I definitely get the sense that everyone is talking to one another far more than I am, but I just don’t have the time to do more :(( Tyler seems like the consensus first vote out if that has to happen but from there not sure what’s next for everybody. Honestly if we can keep winning cool because I’m nervous about my place in the tribe so if we don’t have to go to tribal alright be me. If I felt more confident w the ally’s if had I’d say differently... but ya! Feeling like ok at least bc I know people want to talk to me and are starting lots of convos with me so I know my approachability is going well. 

Zack M

tribal is coming up. the worst thing would be if amy and aimee are playing together. one of them has an idol that they play for amy and write down someone else.

i feel like that's a long shot though. if it does happen ... dear god, please don't let it be me. i wonder what i would do if i were amy. i feel like i would have been more vocal to more people at once. not just hit up people individually. i would have felt around to see who i think are in groups and message them. i really hope people are as obvious when they are voting me out as they have been with her because i have no problems addressing the entire tribe with gossip i may be hearing. can you imagine? first tribal, blindside. second tribal, fight? amy kept asking who "everyone" is ...... it would have been iconic if she messaged the entire group "leanne said everyone." i would have screamed. but that is my game, not hers. this is more fun then i thought it would be but i'm also so tired of it. thank you for helping me realize i don't actually want to be on the show. i also just found out the the VL people don't read this immediately and i'm bummed. but like i'm still going to act like they can. ugh, i love you guys. hopefully i'm still around tonight. xoxo.

Amy T

DAMN IT I SAW IT COMING like right after last tribal then I tried to play my way out and they convinced me it was Aimee. https://youtu.be/gHm3J6X9fvE < this was minutes before tribal. I was walking home earlier and almost made one simply "It's me." haha It's so funny because I kept almost saying "well it's either everyone is for Aimee or it's me" then there were just so many hints that it was me, but I was hoping to sneak my way in to the main active people and those willing to talk, who I think they are running the game. so I can't tell if zack is with leanne or what but I have a feeling ben and cody have a hand in running things based on how they jumped right at working with me and the timing of their responses lol. I am KICKING myself for not making a girls alliance. I hope they do it. But let's be real scores haven't been great against the other team. The youths are killing it haha! also everyone was nice, so as much as I want to be like EFF YOU, I did enjoy getting to know them even though they were openly lying to me hahahaha whoops damn it. I hope to play again when I can dive in day one instead of immediately being on the outs.

Amy T

Final after vote out thoughts : https://youtu.be/1hzWKy5aCVE

[lovequotescom]

New Post has been published on https://thelovequotes.net/love/jealousy/couple-quotes-what-does-authenticity-mean-to-you-the-many-people-who-suffer-from-comparisonit

Couple Quotes : What does Authenticity mean to you? The many people who suffer from Comparisonit...

Couple Quotes :

What does Authenticity mean to you? The many people who suffer from Comparisonitis Envy Jealousy or even the bizarre self-plagiarism are all undergoing lessons of what it means to be an authentic individual. We have all done it at some point or another copying others styles looks design writing fashion or even Spirituality. This is all about how to be authentically you and the ways we can start embodying our natural colorful spirit! Click to Read More theawakenedstate…. How to Start Embodying Your Natural Colorful Authentic Self What does Authenticity mean to you? The many people who suffer from Comparisonitis Envy Jealousy or even the bizarre self-plagiarism are all undergoing lessons of what it means to be an authentic individual. We have all done it at some point or another copying others styles looks design writing fashion or even Spirituality. We find ourselves possessing an unconscious desire to be like them instead of learning to be ourselves. A lot of what we embraced growing up was produced from idol worship that ironically shaped who we became today such as idolizing a favorite musician celebrity fictional character author or even a family member. The idea is created through our identity where we begin building our personality through other identities such as family friends and idols. However there comes a point where you no longer desire to compare yourself envy others or even plagiarize your Past self. We no longer desire to be our favorite musician or celebrity we begin creating our own vision of ourselves. Our true identity personality and creating the pathway of truth towards our connection with our natural self. This connection is essential towards being authentic towards your spiritual self. However there becomes a point where you find yourself being triggered by these experiences even as a spiritual being. This is usually because there are numerous resources articles fear tactics new age propaganda and you name it there is always something else trying to get you to believe a certain way and embody a particular lifestyle choice. The food you eat the thoughts you think the clothes you wear detoxing the whole shabang. This reasoning can be inspiring in some regard but it also can create a disconnection between our true identity. We put this idea of spirituality as a light being on a pedestal instead of realizing we are both light and dark. We are negative and positive. We are the plethora of emotions. Dont hold yourself back. Its about seeing The real. Vulnerable. Raw Emotional. Beauty of Simplistic life. THE DISCONNECTED SELF While Dissociation is quite common on the Awakening path there is also the point where we feel disconnected with our natural identity. When we are disconnected from our true spirit we are unfocused indecisive and most of all disconnected from our source energy. You will feel yourself disconnected when you begin experiencing a catalyst of building friction in your reality. The more friction that builds youre starting to dismantle layers of yourself through the past. Disconnection from Source = Pure Chaos in your reality Connection to Source = Direction and Focused design in your reality. In reality when we are disconnected were able to step back and view ourselves from multiple dimensions of thought. This allows us to start letting go of the Past and provides tremendous healing. Sometimes this MUST happen for the soul to move forward we have to go backwards time travel and heal these buried wounds to move onward. Although at some point the chaos reaches a peak where you have a moment of transcendence. You begin letting go of the disconnection and you begin seeing through the illusion of separation we created. This is beginning of authenticity building and discovering the natural identity of the soul. HOW TO BE AUTHENTICALLY YOU icon-bolt Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Do you suffer from comparsionitis? In a world of glitz glam movies and this idea of perfection its easy to fall into this trap. When we compare ourselves were unconsciously forgetting who we truly are inside. Its a slam to the heart. Its also a wakeup call towards healing the heart and self-love. If you suffer from comparsionitis: Dont beat yourself up realize youre building and finding your true voice. Let Go of comparing remove your obsessions and find yourself within just as beautiful as them. icon-eye-slash Remove Envy and Jealousy When were envious and jealous of someone were not realizing and seeing our love for ourselves. Envy can become dangerous especially in the manifesting world because when youre envious youre allowing your ideas to be separated from YOU. Youre removing yourself from you because you wish to be them. In this crazy world of social media and filters we dont see the behind the scenes everyone has a story to tell. I remember there was this time I was resentful of one of my friends thinking she had it all while I was a struggling poor ex-college student. However the more I looked into her world her relationships were full of fighting she starved herself to be thin constantly escaped had issues with her childhood wounds and the list went on. She was far from perfect but I was envious of the illusion I saw. We live in a world filed with seeing the surface but not the behind the scenes realities. When were able to remove our envy and jealousy you will see this was only an illusion you created. If you fall into this trap: Work on the heart center through forgiveness and building self-love. Begin to let go of your illusions of separation from yourself. icon-heart Dont Fucking Censor Yourself I read this hilarious article recently by an interesting fellow Zach Herbert called Spiritual People Dont say Fuck. The idea here that he states is its easy to pretend and be the definition of Spiritual. However realize by putting yourself in this bubble youre not being you anymore youre pretending to be you. Instead the most scary and liberating person we can truly be is ourselves uncensored raw and real. Youre going to offend people but theyre offended because youre being the real you and that is one of the most liberating feelings you will ever experience. In the words of Zach Herbert Fuck spiritual. Be you icon-lightbulb-o Get out of the Idea of Proving Yourself To People Every once in awhile Ill get hate mail to my Tumblr I used to respond in vigor disgust or even pure arrogance about trying to prove how spiritual I am. Its the fiery redhead in me. Now a-days I realize what a WASTE OF TIME this is because youre trying to prove what youve experienced versus what theyve experienced. Its like arguing with a wall. You can explain all you want but until they experience it themselves they wont respond in comparison they will respond towards their subjective experiences. Truth is ambiguous to the subjective experience. There is nothing to prove because your experiences are yours alone and that is absolutely beautiful because they shaped who you are. You dont need to prove them to anyone. This is your truth. icon-smile-o Find Your Voice & Express Your Colorful Soul A huge part of the reason that we fall into these traps is were afraid and hiding who we truly are behind someone elses voice. If you find yourself in one of these realize you are stuck in self-sabotage because youre not being true to yourself. Learn to find you. Youre in there. The more we compare contrast and keep nitpicking were not being ourselves anymore. Express your colorful self! Learn to find yourself through the noise the bullshit and the extraordinary but do it for yourself. No one else. Do it to empower yourself and your natural authentic voice. Its all within we just need to see it. icon-star Believe in You Believe in Your Universe You kick ass! Yes you. Dear God/ Goddess within you you are creating amazing ripples out there just by being alive. Dont you ever forget that. Honor yourself Honor your universe. Begin believing in yourself because this is where the miracles start happening when were ready to connect ourselves back to our natural self. Our divine connection with who we truly are inside. Everyone is here to create their destiny you can either keep comparing yourself to their destiny or you can start learning to create your own unique journey of authenticity. THE BEAUTY OF AHIMSA We all have Negative Emotions. However we have to look into how we feel about ourselves having negative emotions. Most of us are left guilty shamed belittled feeling terrible that we stepping out of our shining bubble and experienced a disheartening emotion. An ugly emotion. we stepped into the shadow and now feel we have to punish ourselves. In this way we fool ourselves and become disconnected from the natural identity. When were able to embrace the beauty of simplicity in our everyday lives we also need to see our authentic raw emotional identity. This is triggered from the fact that many Spiritual figures and idols have a perfect image of how we PROJECT and view spirituality. As if these holier-than-thou people have never had a negative emotion in their life which is a very ludicrous way to look at spirituality. Life is a series of ebb and flow there is going to be negative emotion as much as there is going to be positive emotion. WHAT IS AHIMSA? However we also need to learn ahimsa which means non-violence towards ourselves verbally mentally spiritually and emotionally. Ahimsa means it is okay if you have negative emotions but you need to accept them and be gentle to yourself in the process. No spiritual person is perfect yet many of these people often portray themselves that way as if we are not human capable of emotions. So while many of us are enlightened or self-realized we also need to remember we are human. Sorry to break it to you but you are both positive & negative light & dark ego & soul. Im willing to bet SOMEONE at some point in time has pissed you off broke your heart or you made it your prerogative to fix them/save the world. We all have raw emotions and THAT my friends is the beauty of being alive. We should never put anyone on a pedestal including ourselves! Its important to see we all have both good and bad days but that is what molds who we are. This is you being real to yourself and processing that emotion into your experience. No one is perfect but we are all imperfectly perfect as we are in the present moment. Find your authentic self. Accept that negative emotions happen. It does not mean you need to beat yourself up about it. You are not suddenly switched off from awakening you arent off the spiritual path. We are always on the spiritual path. Life is going to throw challenges and obstacles your way that is naturally a part of the flow but when we resent these emotions when we feel guilt ashamed angry or sadness from them we arent accepting the challenges as part of us. This mental and emotional breakdowns are your personal breakthroughs. This is especially important towards acknowledging the Ego as a teacher rather than a slave to us. The Ego is a catalyst. The lesson is are you going to impulsively react on that emotion or are you going to consciously observe it? You may have a bad day but it is okay! You may hate life you may think youre nothing you may think youre alone lonely that the ascension symptoms are tearing you apart youre low vibrations one minute then flying high the next. But dont suddenly say that youre not on the spiritual path or youre not being true to yourself in that moment which makes you a bad person. I think this type of thinking is underlining self-sabotage and the sad part it is soooo common in the new age community. hes too full of ego I see more than I like It is okay to be darkness It is okay to be the light It is okay to feel the rawness of living. Accept it be gentle to yourself but most importantly Stay Authentically You. Process those emotions. Observe Accept Let Go. This is your reminder from the Universe: Accept being all facets of you because crystals arent created by magic there is hardness and there is softness Respect and Accept the Balance Always icon-heart

[fallenangel66-blog1]

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes, there are a couple guys/girls I have in mind. One I can’t because I don’t want to lose my best friend. I mean pretty sure I’d lose him if I dated either of them though

When did your last hug take place? Yesterday, at the bowling alley. I hugged James :)

Are you a jealous person? Can be.

Are you tired right now? Always tired tbh.

Do you chew on your straws? Depends on how nervous I am. I chew on them sometimes

Have you ever been called a tease? All the time.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Yeah. Fun times. Besides feeling super tired afterwards

Do you cry easily? Of course. I try to act tough. But when I get home I let out a waterfall of tears..

What should you be doing right now? Nothing. I just got up. I can do whatever I want at this point.

Are you a heavy sleeper? Depends on the night.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? Of course. I once had a 3+ year relationship. Of course the longest I had after that was only a month, but it would’ve lasted longer if my best friend wasn’t such an ass.

Are you mad at someone right now? Not today. Lmao

Do you believe in love? Of course. Who wouldn’t?

What makes you laugh no matter what? Nothing. If I get super depressed I won’t laugh at anything.

Who was the last person you talked to? Trint.

Do you get butterflies around the person you like? Depends on how much I like them. Not too much anymore though.

Will you get married? Hopefully. I want to be married in 2020

When was the last time you smiled? Yesterday. Bowling made me feel good, for the most part

Does anyone like you? I would hope so.

Do you secretly like someone? Its not a secret. When I like someone these days, I let them know.

Who was the first person you talked to today? Toby. My best friend.

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? James of course. He doesn’t judge. Thats why he’s ho #1 :) What are you NOT looking forward to? Living a long life.

What ARE you looking forward to? Death. The sooner it gets here, the better.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it? I dont know if they meant it. The first person who ever said they loved me cheated on me. Of course we were young. So 100% they didn’t mean it. Two other guys have said they loved me since. One I loved back. I can’t get rid of him. He’s now my best friend. The second I never responded to. Pretended I didn’t hear him. We had just broken up. Also he was my exes best friend. I cant have Him loving me.

Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do? Let them. Its their life. Dont be a jealous bitch.

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? Nah

Are you a forgiving person? Mostly.

How many TRUE friends do you have? I’d say one. If that. I would say my best friend was the true friend. But he literally tries to control me sometimes. But ho #1 is always there for me. I’d like to think hes a true friend.

Do you fall for people easily? Actually I kind of do. Oops.

Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? Yeah. It didn’t work so well. We’re all friends though.

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth? Sausage biscuit.

Who was the last person you drove with? James, Toby and johnny

How late did you stay up last night and why? 5am. I always stay up late. We happened to go bowling last night

If you could move somewhere else, would you? Of course. I’d move to Philadelphia, PA, if I could

Who was the last person you took a picture of? Myself, or James and Zach.

Can you live a day without TV? Yeah. I don’t watch TV anymore.

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?every day I wake up.

Are you currently in a relationship? Sadly, no. Kind of want to be though.

What is your all-time favorite romance movie? Who watches romance.

Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? Nah.

What’s your current problem? Trying to date people who dont want to date.

Have you ever had your heart broken? Of course. There was this guy I fell hard for in high school. He acted like he liked me back for a while. But anytime I ask him out I get rejected. That hurts the feels. Ya know?

Your thoughts of long distance relationships? They’re okay. I wouldn’t trust them to last though. Not everybody’s honest.

How many kids do you want to have? One or two. Not too many though. Because kids are scary.

Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them? I used to. It was a real problem for me in high school. I definitely tell people now. I wouldn’t wanna miss out.

[lovequotescom]

Couple Quotes : What does Authenticity mean to you? The many people who suffer from Comparisonit…

Couple Quotes :

What does Authenticity mean to you? The many people who suffer from Comparisonitis Envy Jealousy or even the bizarre self-plagiarism are all undergoing lessons of what it means to be an authentic individual. We have all done it at some point or another copying others styles looks design writing fashion or even Spirituality. This is all about how to be authentically you and the ways we can start embodying our natural colorful spirit! Click to Read More theawakenedstate…. How to Start Embodying Your Natural Colorful Authentic Self What does Authenticity mean to you? The many people who suffer from Comparisonitis Envy Jealousy or even the bizarre self-plagiarism are all undergoing lessons of what it means to be an authentic individual. We have all done it at some point or another copying others styles looks design writing fashion or even Spirituality. We find ourselves possessing an unconscious desire to be like them instead of learning to be ourselves. A lot of what we embraced growing up was produced from idol worship that ironically shaped who we became today such as idolizing a favorite musician celebrity fictional character author or even a family member. The idea is created through our identity where we begin building our personality through other identities such as family friends and idols. However there comes a point where you no longer desire to compare yourself envy others or even plagiarize your Past self. We no longer desire to be our favorite musician or celebrity we begin creating our own vision of ourselves. Our true identity personality and creating the pathway of truth towards our connection with our natural self. This connection is essential towards being authentic towards your spiritual self. However there becomes a point where you find yourself being triggered by these experiences even as a spiritual being. This is usually because there are numerous resources articles fear tactics new age propaganda and you name it there is always something else trying to get you to believe a certain way and embody a particular lifestyle choice. The food you eat the thoughts you think the clothes you wear detoxing the whole shabang. This reasoning can be inspiring in some regard but it also can create a disconnection between our true identity. We put this idea of spirituality as a light being on a pedestal instead of realizing we are both light and dark. We are negative and positive. We are the plethora of emotions. Dont hold yourself back. Its about seeing The real. Vulnerable. Raw Emotional. Beauty of Simplistic life. THE DISCONNECTED SELF While Dissociation is quite common on the Awakening path there is also the point where we feel disconnected with our natural identity. When we are disconnected from our true spirit we are unfocused indecisive and most of all disconnected from our source energy. You will feel yourself disconnected when you begin experiencing a catalyst of building friction in your reality. The more friction that builds youre starting to dismantle layers of yourself through the past. Disconnection from Source = Pure Chaos in your reality Connection to Source = Direction and Focused design in your reality. In reality when we are disconnected were able to step back and view ourselves from multiple dimensions of thought. This allows us to start letting go of the Past and provides tremendous healing. Sometimes this MUST happen for the soul to move forward we have to go backwards time travel and heal these buried wounds to move onward. Although at some point the chaos reaches a peak where you have a moment of transcendence. You begin letting go of the disconnection and you begin seeing through the illusion of separation we created. This is beginning of authenticity building and discovering the natural identity of the soul. HOW TO BE AUTHENTICALLY YOU icon-bolt Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Do you suffer from comparsionitis? In a world of glitz glam movies and this idea of perfection its easy to fall into this trap. When we compare ourselves were unconsciously forgetting who we truly are inside. Its a slam to the heart. Its also a wakeup call towards healing the heart and self-love. If you suffer from comparsionitis: Dont beat yourself up realize youre building and finding your true voice. Let Go of comparing remove your obsessions and find yourself within just as beautiful as them. icon-eye-slash Remove Envy and Jealousy When were envious and jealous of someone were not realizing and seeing our love for ourselves. Envy can become dangerous especially in the manifesting world because when youre envious youre allowing your ideas to be separated from YOU. Youre removing yourself from you because you wish to be them. In this crazy world of social media and filters we dont see the behind the scenes everyone has a story to tell. I remember there was this time I was resentful of one of my friends thinking she had it all while I was a struggling poor ex-college student. However the more I looked into her world her relationships were full of fighting she starved herself to be thin constantly escaped had issues with her childhood wounds and the list went on. She was far from perfect but I was envious of the illusion I saw. We live in a world filed with seeing the surface but not the behind the scenes realities. When were able to remove our envy and jealousy you will see this was only an illusion you created. If you fall into this trap: Work on the heart center through forgiveness and building self-love. Begin to let go of your illusions of separation from yourself. icon-heart Dont Fucking Censor Yourself I read this hilarious article recently by an interesting fellow Zach Herbert called Spiritual People Dont say Fuck. The idea here that he states is its easy to pretend and be the definition of Spiritual. However realize by putting yourself in this bubble youre not being you anymore youre pretending to be you. Instead the most scary and liberating person we can truly be is ourselves uncensored raw and real. Youre going to offend people but theyre offended because youre being the real you and that is one of the most liberating feelings you will ever experience. In the words of Zach Herbert Fuck spiritual. Be you icon-lightbulb-o Get out of the Idea of Proving Yourself To People Every once in awhile Ill get hate mail to my Tumblr I used to respond in vigor disgust or even pure arrogance about trying to prove how spiritual I am. Its the fiery redhead in me. Now a-days I realize what a WASTE OF TIME this is because youre trying to prove what youve experienced versus what theyve experienced. Its like arguing with a wall. You can explain all you want but until they experience it themselves they wont respond in comparison they will respond towards their subjective experiences. Truth is ambiguous to the subjective experience. There is nothing to prove because your experiences are yours alone and that is absolutely beautiful because they shaped who you are. You dont need to prove them to anyone. This is your truth. icon-smile-o Find Your Voice & Express Your Colorful Soul A huge part of the reason that we fall into these traps is were afraid and hiding who we truly are behind someone elses voice. If you find yourself in one of these realize you are stuck in self-sabotage because youre not being true to yourself. Learn to find you. Youre in there. The more we compare contrast and keep nitpicking were not being ourselves anymore. Express your colorful self! Learn to find yourself through the noise the bullshit and the extraordinary but do it for yourself. No one else. Do it to empower yourself and your natural authentic voice. Its all within we just need to see it. icon-star Believe in You Believe in Your Universe You kick ass! Yes you. Dear God/ Goddess within you you are creating amazing ripples out there just by being alive. Dont you ever forget that. Honor yourself Honor your universe. Begin believing in yourself because this is where the miracles start happening when were ready to connect ourselves back to our natural self. Our divine connection with who we truly are inside. Everyone is here to create their destiny you can either keep comparing yourself to their destiny or you can start learning to create your own unique journey of authenticity. THE BEAUTY OF AHIMSA We all have Negative Emotions. However we have to look into how we feel about ourselves having negative emotions. Most of us are left guilty shamed belittled feeling terrible that we stepping out of our shining bubble and experienced a disheartening emotion. An ugly emotion. we stepped into the shadow and now feel we have to punish ourselves. In this way we fool ourselves and become disconnected from the natural identity. When were able to embrace the beauty of simplicity in our everyday lives we also need to see our authentic raw emotional identity. This is triggered from the fact that many Spiritual figures and idols have a perfect image of how we PROJECT and view spirituality. As if these holier-than-thou people have never had a negative emotion in their life which is a very ludicrous way to look at spirituality. Life is a series of ebb and flow there is going to be negative emotion as much as there is going to be positive emotion. WHAT IS AHIMSA? However we also need to learn ahimsa which means non-violence towards ourselves verbally mentally spiritually and emotionally. Ahimsa means it is okay if you have negative emotions but you need to accept them and be gentle to yourself in the process. No spiritual person is perfect yet many of these people often portray themselves that way as if we are not human capable of emotions. So while many of us are enlightened or self-realized we also need to remember we are human. Sorry to break it to you but you are both positive & negative light & dark ego & soul. Im willing to bet SOMEONE at some point in time has pissed you off broke your heart or you made it your prerogative to fix them/save the world. We all have raw emotions and THAT my friends is the beauty of being alive. We should never put anyone on a pedestal including ourselves! Its important to see we all have both good and bad days but that is what molds who we are. This is you being real to yourself and processing that emotion into your experience. No one is perfect but we are all imperfectly perfect as we are in the present moment. Find your authentic self. Accept that negative emotions happen. It does not mean you need to beat yourself up about it. You are not suddenly switched off from awakening you arent off the spiritual path. We are always on the spiritual path. Life is going to throw challenges and obstacles your way that is naturally a part of the flow but when we resent these emotions when we feel guilt ashamed angry or sadness from them we arent accepting the challenges as part of us. This mental and emotional breakdowns are your personal breakthroughs. This is especially important towards acknowledging the Ego as a teacher rather than a slave to us. The Ego is a catalyst. The lesson is are you going to impulsively react on that emotion or are you going to consciously observe it? You may have a bad day but it is okay! You may hate life you may think youre nothing you may think youre alone lonely that the ascension symptoms are tearing you apart youre low vibrations one minute then flying high the next. But dont suddenly say that youre not on the spiritual path or youre not being true to yourself in that moment which makes you a bad person. I think this type of thinking is underlining self-sabotage and the sad part it is soooo common in the new age community. hes too full of ego I see more than I like It is okay to be darkness It is okay to be the light It is okay to feel the rawness of living. Accept it be gentle to yourself but most importantly Stay Authentically You. Process those emotions. Observe Accept Let Go. This is your reminder from the Universe: Accept being all facets of you because crystals arent created by magic there is hardness and there is softness Respect and Accept the Balance Always icon-heart

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