#dont look at the time stamp. i don't have work in the morning

[oldrudshore]

The Archivist vs the Old Ass Man

(s02e20 / s02e08)

[xoxolifewithdoriann]

Spend the day with me mentally!

The random thought's that I have through the day... they time stamped and dated

Friday 04/19/24-Breakfast would've been great today... why didn't i stop because i def had time to grab me something from Bo. A good ole Cajun spicy chicken biscuit with grape and strawberry jelly. And those Bo Rounds !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whew yes with hot sauce and ketchup on them. Some apple juice and I would've been AMAZING lol. But I will survive to lunch. Orrrrr maybe go run and get me some on my 1st break... decisions decisions decisions..

Lunch... what do I want for lunch. If I eat anything it has to be a salad, but from where??? is the biggest question. am i feeling golden c today??? or do I want one of my small salads from wally, hmmm publix... naw I dont want to spend that lol BUGETTING

I don't want anything "bad" chickfila would be amazing but that's not an option when I am at work

so what will it be for lunch today? wait so does that mean I am not going to bo? .

Knocked that production time line together rather quickly, I am proud of myself. For doing it and for the fact I have a solid template of a production timeline

I am loving the backdrop today for work, it's a coffee shop out by the lake, and I am listening to Christian coffee shop music, which is helping me vibe out at work and do multiple things.

Thursday 04/25/24 - 8:30am currently at work | today God has really been speaking to me. I left work later than intended because I knew i needed to stop and get gas before heading to work. and I like a certain drive to work to help me prepare for the day. so when i noticed the time i was like okay we are going to be late today... and that's okay. so i got up got dressed as quickly as possible and got out the door. i got gas not too far from my house on my route that i take to work. i stopped got my gas and then proceeded to work. Y'ALL as i go tot he light for work i looked at the time and noticed that i was going to be right on time. Y'all I have to be to work at 8:00am, I clocked in at 7:59am. I didn't begin my commute to work until 7:3_(something) but my commute is ummmm, one roads and etc. so get behind someone slow and yea you can kiss that nice smooth easy flowing drive good bye for sure lol. but back to this, y'all when i turned on that street i just broke out into a praise because that was no one but God that made that happen for me. because he knew that i wanted to be on time today. that was the one thing i was looking to do was be on time 90% of this week ( i say 90 to give myself grace some mornings). So to make it on time with my route and being behind lots of peoples, and i wasn't speeding and i made it on time was nothing but GOD. {I Thank the Master, I Thank the Savior, I Thank GOD 🙌🏾}

that was him continuing to show me that this time is perfect in my life and his way is better in my life. no matter how much i think i am late in life (because i do tend to have moments of thoughts like that just to be honest) that he shows me NOPE Daughter you are absolutely on time! Stop thinking you are late, i am the Father of time. Time is controlled by me say's God when you accept that you can not rush, dictate or NOTHING that pertains to time and my perfect time you will walk these seasons much easier and smoother say's the Father. So a awesome Daddy to speak and give help and solution all while covering me.

The Message Bible Ecclesiastes 3:11

11 True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time - but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going.

The Message Bible Jeremiah 29:11

11 I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

The Message Bible Proverbs 16:19

9 We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. It Pays to Take Life Seriously

NOW! What to eat for lunch is the new golden question??????? I am seriously thinking about some Publix chicken, but then I also want a salad and I am on a super tight budget so not sure if this will be a both day lol just being real. So hmmmm let's really think about this in depth, because I have been wanting some fried chicken since the sunday that just passed. but sometimes the one by my job makes me angry so maybe after work. so salad for lunch it is, funny how the thing i need is the thing that won lol, i mean i wanted one but i wanted that chicken more lol.

but WAIT, i am going to walmart for my salad and they have good wings to me, thinking i may want to grab me about 3, hmmm what do we think about that?

also what am i doing with this hair??? I wanna try a twist out, so I think i will wash it tomorrow and then twist it sat at some point. I am ready for straight hair again, trying to hold out until i color it, because yep I am ready to color again, it's time for the change with the changing of season of life and feeling like NOW I am becoming ME, and emerging out the cocoon. So the hair must shift too lol, I need it. But in the mean time between time before that process happens what's the styles lol. its crazy how i really don't like doing my own hair anymore at all. i mean if i could have someone do it all the time i would be so happy.

one thing for sure, i am going to grab me a snack on this first break because ummm... the load is pilling up today and i need some energy. not sure who said i wanted to... never mind okay see y'all later.

xoxo doriann l johnson 💜💎🦋

[nodadnochance]

Why my brother is an awful person.

I am childless. I am 29, 30 very soon. I am getting old!!! (i half joke, 30 is hardly old but it's not exactly young and naive anymore - or maybe i dunno, i am naive and just don't realize it, right?) My brother is mid to late 30s, probably around 36 or 37. He has 3 children. He has left them.

I think he is scum. Would it of been so hard for him to stick around for the next decade so his kids can become old enough to have had their development process happen with their dad in their lives? Physically.

He now is living back at home with my mum, he sees his kids 2-4 times a week. Which is more than a lot of kids have. But it still makes me angry. Why Angry? Why do I care what my brother does with his family? His kids? I care because it's the same fucking cycle.

Our dad left us, now he has done the same to them.

And now those kids are struggling.

Look, Im not saying itsall his fault. but its all his fault. Actually, it really was his fault. He cheated on his wife. then he had the gall to say "well she kicked me out". fuck you! You put the pressure on her to decide how to relationship goes so that you could blame her for breaking things up.

By contrast, my mother cheated on my father - but my mother has never blamed my father for leaving. She always says she is to blame and i say to her "no your not". I have yet to tell her "look, you stuck around. He didn't. Whether anyone cheated or not, is not really relevant to me as a child - I didn't care if anyone cheated. i just wanted my parents with me growing up"... i will tell her next time she eludes to this sentiment...

It makes me angry because I see how my neices and nephews are struggling to cope wit this big change. They are probably ages 8 tto around 13. Maybe bit younger. They are not enjoying this. I had my neices kicking and stamping on MY feet in the supermarket just before christmas 2023.... now, they were playing, just messing around - right? But think about it like this. I look like my brother, i sound like him, i am similar to him. Were they taking out aggression on their father through me? It's a possibility. They don't deserve to lose their dad just cos he wanted to go "have fun".

And now look. He is living back home with me and my mother. He is with his new girlfriend. He is playing in a band. He has a job he loves (he struggled to find this job). He is doing so well for himsefl! but hey, guess what - Your kids are not. They miss you. You absolute cretin.

When you have kids, you dont get to "have fun". You dont get to just fuck off with another women. When you have kids, you stick around and raise them. EVERY DAY. Every morning, evening evening and night time. Every weekend. All the time. They are your everything for that 18-20 year period. Once they are all grown up and on their way to move out (once they start having a plan for their 20s) THEN you can fuck off and go "be happy" Let me explain why I think like this. He wants to enjoy his late 30s and 40s right? sure. fine. We all deserve to be happy. But in exchange for his hpapiness now, he has doomed all three of his children to a life of abandonment. Or misery. of Feeling unloved and unwelcome on this earth. Why? Because the one person who should've stuck around, didn't. They wont care about his relationship with his wife. They wont care about the excuses. They wont listen and they wont care. What they care about is the love for them didn't win over his hatred for his wife or his inability to make things work.

this world is full of people who make excuses for their shitty decisions. And his excuse is "well she wanted me gone" so he can lay the blame on her becuase he cheated. In reality he is gone becuase he fucked another women when he had 3 kids at home.

I hope one day he can just admit to himself, if not his kids - that their childhood is ruined because of him.

It's what happened to me. And it's whats happening to them.

I don't truly have any ill intention or feeling towards my brother as a person. But my need to speak up for his kids, who probably are unable to process what is going on, triumphs. It's disgusting that they probably take decades to figure out why the feel so awful - just as it has been for me and all 3 of my brothers. We all feel it.This brother in question will deny how much it effected him - but it's clear as day. He is still suffering from the "being lied to" problem which i wrote about in my last post. He still thinks "well dad was kinda around, he did his best" and he still puts the feelings of our Dad and step mum before his own. He never has spoken about how it effected him. EVER. and by not speaking it meant he didn't understand and now he has done to them what happened to him,me and all my brothers.

If i said any of this to him, he'd defend my dad and step mum. He'd deny my feelings and say "you cannot feel that way, because if you feel that thne tat upsets dad" and so again, it'll be that my dads feelings and my stepmums feeling comes before mine. The story of my life since I was 6 years old.

I know I probably come across as very strident or aggressive here. but you must understand (if anyone is reading?). I have kept this all bottled up since a child. I've been through a lot of emotional suffering over the past 23 years. And it's all becoming clear to me why. and I need to write this stuff out as naturally as I can. It's time I started being honest with my feelings, right? And not being scared of being told off for hurting someone elses feelings.

I was lied to. Dad didn't "stick around". he left me. He doesn't give a shit. You could say he simply doesn't understand and is ignorant of the effect it had on me. but im sick and tired of making excuses for him. I am upset, angry and feel abandoned by him.

And every friend of mine that didn't have their dad, is like me. We all yhave the same fucking emotional problems, same fucked up drug dependancies, same feelings of fear and nnot feeling loved by anyone. My frined says he only feels love from his dogs. Which you could "well thats pretty normal". and if you say that, fuck you. He is a human and he has a heart of gold. He does feel loved, but it has to be re-inforced constantly for him to feel it. And when he gets in abusive relationships - he thinks he deserves that abusive relationshp. Why? Becuase when your dad leaves you when your young, it creates this deep rooted feeling of feeling unloved and worse - unlovable. IF you in your most infant state is not lovable, then you could never be lovable.

Being an adult and seeing how adults disregard the feelings of those who are too young to understand - kills me. It happened to me, i know what its like.

I am childless, so what do I know right? Well, what I know is that since I started being honest about how I feel about my Dad - my mental health "therapy" has made a lot of progress. I've learnt that the link between me and all my fked up friends is the no dad present. I've learnt the reason I gravitate towards bad guys, is I have no fucking dad.

In fact, I was reading about "this is england" earlier and it mentioned their something about how the character in the story, has no dad. And it's this lack of a father figure that leads people down these awful roads.

I watched so much fucked up shit over the past 10 years. Nothing illegal of course but just right wing crap. I never believed I was racist nor homophobic or anything - in fact, i found it all just funny. I never once agreed with the bigots - but I wanted to be around them (on podcats and such). I wanted to be part of that "thing". I wanted to belong. I wanted to be apart of something which wouldn't just abandoned me.

This is my life. It's my emotions.

I am not blaming anyone for my actions or what I've done just as I wouldn't give them credit for the good things I've done. However, my life is one where I never spoke about my feelings towards my Dad because of early childhood experiences where I was taught to not express myself or talk about how I feel. Where as my sister, who is my dads daughter - is always encouraged to talk about her feelings and how she feels.

So that is proof that HE HAS IT WITHIN HIM. but not for me.

I want to write the words. I hate him. I don't mean hate, but I don't know how else to express the dislike I have for how he has denied my emotions all my life. I don't want to hurt him, emotionally, but I want him to understand the hurt I feel. How the hell do I tell him the hurt I feel without accidently hurting him? That is the challenge I face.

Another thing I'm angry at my dad and step mum for is the way they turned me against my mum. They always talk so badly of her and they plaed on the fact I didn't ge ton with her fully. If I argued with her, they'd encouage me to move out and get away from her and suc hthings.

They didn't try to help heal my relationship with my mum, they stoked the flames all under the guise of being my friend.

That's my mum and my mum ALWAYS has had my back. from day 1 to today. I literally will hand her £100 rent (which is absolutely fuck all) and she'll hand me back £50. That's my mum. She is 1 in a million. and the fact they cant see how amazing she is, makes me well, i dont care actually - thats their loss. But it makes me angry they thought they could turn me against her.

it makes me angry they always talk about her in a negative light when im there. and they talk about her likes shes stupid or just too angry or unstable. They are nasty little bullies and i guess, sometimes, we buddy buddy up with bullies without realising it.

That women, my step mum, is a homewrecker. Plain and simple.

and it feels good to finally admit thats how i feel

I would never say these things to their face. As iI say, I do not want to hurt them (emotionally or ofc otherwise. violence is not my MO. I attacked 2 people n my life when I was a child and I was defending friends who were being bullied - i regret both instances as I felt embaressed for letting myself lose control)

/ I wouldn't want my dad nor step mum to be upset. But I'd love them to know how I feel.

I'd love my brother to know how it feels. He was a child too, he should know. But he just pretends like it doesn't effect him. I know he has feelings, his problem is he is a coward. But then so am I and so are all my brothers. We're all cowrads. Scared to tell our dad what he did to us fucked up us royally. He fucked off with another women to start a new family... and then his new child, my half-sister, has a life full of love, understanding and everything a child needs. They take interest in her life.

He nevre took interest in our life. In fact my mum had to force him to go to my college open evening and he was complaining the whole time. I wish he didn't come. I remember him getting in the car and saying something like "I bet ur mother said i dont care. right?" and made a joke about it... setting the tone for the evening that it's all about HIM and HIS feelings.

"fuck you" is what i should've said to him.

but i was scared.

maybe next time ill write about the time he attacked me. it only happened one time, but it was fucking terrifying.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

I just read about your current projects, and they sound soo cool! Would you mind talking to me about them and i cojkd talk to you about my projects too and it could be a fun discussion...i completely understand if ur not up for it tho....just wanted to let u know the ideas of ur story sound super cool and if u ever publish them i really look forward to reading them... i dont do this often and my social skills are like a B- so i hope i didnt offend u i any way or over step.

Anyway hope you're doing well!

Hiya! My social skills are also honestly not great, so that's okay.

I am hoping to get both published, but as I still need to hook an agent, that's probably at least a couple years off for now.

You can sometimes see things I reblog or post about the books with the tags of the protagonists: Tiadane, for the first one, and Avel for the second, but I honestly have no idea what would even come up for either of those at this point.

This is my current working, mostly unedited and not perfect, query for Tiadane's book.

Tiadane has spent his entire seventeen years of life watching his city fall apart and listening to everyone tell him there’s nothing he can do to fix it so he shouldn’t bother to try. Once his neighbors die in a building collapse, he’s done watching and listening. Cinralen is an isolated city in the clouds, and no one who lives there understands the magic that keeps it aloft. So Tiadane leaves. His destination is Deermein, an old city founded by the wizards that helped build Cinralen in the first place. But by the time Tiadane arrives, wizards have been gone from Deermein for centuries and the people responsible want him and his wings gone, too. But one teenager in Deermein still remembers the legends his parents were killed for telling him, and he springs Tiadane from his jail cell and they escape Deermein to find the last shreds of magic on earth. But outside Deermein’s city walls, they find themselves facing down centuries of history, fragmented cultural heritages, and the impossible task of rebuilding something that was stamped out long ago—or at least building something new from the ashes.

This is the project I mentioned this morning wanting to kind of sprint through the last 100 pages or so of revisions to get this done soon, then off to a CP that...I don't have yet, so that's another thing I gotta figure out.

As for Avel's book,it's currently on hold around 25k words. I realized I was at a point where I really need to sit down and untangle the threads I've started spinning for it and figure out what to do with what I have and how to use things, but I haven't had time with the revisions and work, etc. It needs some thought, and I hope to be back to it soon, because those 25k words were tons of fun to write, came very quickly, and I have high hopes for that project.

This is some of the last bits I worked on for Avel's project, to give you an idea of...well, him.

“You play violin.” Avel snorted, clapping a hand over his neck where he knew his violin hickey was. “It could be a viola.” “It could, but it’s not.” The stranger grinned. “You’re pretty well known on the concert circuit, Avel Martins. I know what instrument you play.” Avel startled and his cane jangled against his back inside his backpack. He’d never been recognized before—or if he had, no one had bothered to say anything. He must have seen Avel’s collapse. People would recognize his face now. People would remember him, and not for his music. The stranger offered a hand. “Rafael DeMarco. Don’t worry, I’m not looking for an autograph.” Rafael tilted his head just slightly so his grin was almost even. “You look different when you’re not dressed for the stage. You have piercings.” Avel tugged at his right ear, where two hoops were threaded through his lobe and a silver stud marked the cartilage. He had more in the left. They came out when he was preparing for stage or promotional head shots, and went right back in after. His Doc Martens, black jeans, a t-shirt his parents had paid too much for to ensure it was 100% organic cotton, and a hoodie made of the same were a far cry from ill-fitting suits.

And this bit, I guess.

The man nodded and stayed on the floor with Avel quietly, waiting until the second worker came carrying Avel’s violin case, his jacket folded over one arm and a wood cane with a curved brass handle. Avel took the case first and wiped his violin down carefully before setting it inside. He ran his thumb over the clasps, letting each one close with a sharp thump. If he fell again, it would be safe, at least. Then he accepted the help to his feet and propped himself up with his cane. It wasn’t his favorite—that one was at home, foldable black aluminum with a skull pattern and violin stickers over that—but the one he used for concerts matched his suits better.

So anyway, yeah, having fun with Avel's character design (and Raf's, for that matter).

So that's most of the longer projects I'm working on at the moment. I'm very proud of both right now, and Avel's book is still super new and raw so I tend to share less about it (whereas Tiadane's is close enough to be useful I'm a little less worried about that). I'm happy to hear about yours.

[sweet-seishu]

11:26pm

bonten! rindou haitani x fem! reader

warnings: angst, hurt to comfort, established marriage, mentions of divorce, NSFW, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, squirting (the spicy isn't very descriptive, but it's still there), NOT EDITED, just overall terribly written, and very half assed. time stamped bc that's when i made the decision to post it today.

a/n: when i tell you this has been in my drafts for MONTHS and i just never posted it and now i'm cleaning out my drafts so here, i know it's bad leave me alone.

network tag: @tokyometronetwork

Divorce.

The word was running through Rindou's head as you sat across from him at his desk, chewing on your lip as you let him process what you had asked. There was no argument that led to this, no big fight, you had just asked him out of the blue. He was confused, he hadn't done anything wrong, so why did you want this?

There was of course a reason, you were just scared to bring it up.

"Why?" Rindou asked. You wouldn't look at him, you couldn't. "Y/n-"

"I-" You started, biting your lip to keep the tears from falling. "Rin, I'm just– I'm not happy anymore."

"But- what did I do?" The question seemed so innocent, and it made your heart hurt more as you thought about how to answer.

You didn't want him to be upset with you, you didn't want to end on a bad note. "Rin it's what you're not doing." You said softly.

"What I'm not-? What does that even mean?"

You finally looked at Rindou, and he looked irritated. You couldn't blame him, you were vague in your answer, and you knew he didn't care to figure these things out.

But you were just so tired. Tired of waiting for him to come home, tired of him working all those late nights. He's barely paid attention to you over the last few months, and you couldn't take it anymore.

"Rindou." You sighed. "I can't take this anymore. You're always at work, you're barely home, and when I do see you you barely acknowledge my presence."

"I'm just trying to give you a good life y/n, I need to work to do that." He said bluntly. "You knew what you were getting into when we stared dating as teenagers."

"Yeah Rin, I knew you'd be busy, and I knew there would be times when I wouldn't see you. But this has been going on for months. I dont even remember the last time we've had a conversation this long."

"You know how busy Bonten is becoming. I'm sorry I can't be home all the time but come on y/n-"

"Yeah I know how busy it's been, but I'm your wife Rindou, you should still be able to make time for me. If I'm being honest I feel like this is already over, and it's been over for a while."

Rindou was taken back by your words. How long have you actually been thinking about this?

"Night after night I wait for you to come home, just to remember what your stupid fucking face looks like, but then I fall asleep cause god forbid you come home at a normal hour, and then you're gone when I wake up." You said, choking on your words as the tears built.

You let a few tears fall from your eyes as you stared at Rindou. Someone you've known and loved all your life suddenly looked like a complete stranger.

"I'm breaking Rindou." You cried. "I'm completely falling apart here, and you don't even see it. It's like you don't even care. I'm completely at the bottom of your priority list, and it fucking hurts."

Rindou only looked at you, not knowing what to say. He hadn't realized how bad it was, but as he really looked at you now, he noticed the weight you lost, the bags under your eyes, and how the light was completely gone from them.

"Nothing to say?" You asked, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Then that's it. I'll call our lawyer in the morning. You can just go back to work." You pulled your wedding ring off your finger, suddenly feeling naked as you placed it in front of Rindou. "I love you Rin, and I'm always going to.. but I'm done waiting for you."

With that you left his office, leaving Rindou be as he stared at the ring. How could he be so stupid? How could he not realize how little he actually saw you?

He groaned, running his hands through his hair before looking at the picture of you two on his desk.

His blonde and blue hair, glasses on his face as he smiled at the camera, while you kissed his cheek, your y/h/c hair blowing out of your face, the hint of a smile on your lips as they touched his cheek.

You had taken that after he had told you he loved you the first time. The smile on your face after he said it was permanently marked in his mind, a smile so bright it made him weak in the knees.

Rindou loved you with all he had, and he has since you were teens. He was never the best at expressing his feelings, something you knew all too well, but he didn't want it to come to this.

He didn't want a divorce, the thought made him feel sick, like he wanted to throw up.

He wasn't going to let this happen, he couldn't.

"I just don't know how it got to this." You said to your friend on the phone. "How can we go from talking about starting a family, to getting a divorce?" You asked, voice cracking as a tear fell from your eye.

Rindou was standing on other side of the door, his heart sinking at your words.

"Was it because of me?" You cried. "Was I too much?"

Fuck, no you were perfect to him.

"Did he stop loving me?" You sobbed, looking down at your hand. You winced at the small 'rin' tattoo that was on your finger, a tattoo that was usually hidden by a ring.

Absolutely not. He loved you more than life itself.

He couldn't listen anymore, slowly opening the door to bedroom, making you turn your head. You told your friend bye, hanging up the phone placing it on your nightstand.

"What do you want?" You asked.

"To talk." He told you, sitting beside you on the bed.

"We don't have anything to talk about Rindou. It's done."

"I don't- y/n I don't want that." Rindou told you, csrefully putting his arms around you so he could pull you close. He felt you tense, and it hurt him more than he could admit.

"Rindou I'm just not seeing any other option." You told him.

"Pretty girl, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I let it get to this. I never wanted to hurt you baby."

You started sobbing, shoulders shaking as Rindou buried his head in your neck.

"I can't just let you walk away from this, from us. I promise I'll be better. I'll be the man you married, someone you deserve."

"I don't want an empty promise Rindou. You always put Bonten before me and I can't take it anymore."

His hold on you tightened. He really was an idiot. "It's not empty. I'm so sorry I ever made you think this marriage was over, sorry I ever made you doubt how I feel about you. I only wanted to give you the life you deserve."

You sighed, slowly moving to face him.

"Rindou, I don't care about having a lavish life, I don't need expensive things. All I need is you. You're all I've ever needed and you- fuck Rin- you slipped completely out of my grasp."

Rindou pulled you closer to him, holding you tightly as you cried into his shoulder. He rubbed your back soothingly as you held onto his dress shirt so tightly you could hear it ripping.

"Look at me." Rindou said softly, making you lift your head from his shoulder. He gently moved your hair behind your ear. "My pretty girl. I hurt you really bad didn't I?"

"You did." You said softly, sniffling as Rindou moved his hand to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

"I won't hurt you anymore, I promise you that. I'll be home more, I'll let you know if I have to stay late, I'll do whatever I have to, just please stay." Rindou choked, his eyes stinging. "You're my soul mate, losing you would be losing a part of me, and I just can't-"

You cut him off, kissing him softly as you tasted the mix of your tears. When you pulled away you let your forehead meet his, looking into his violet eyes.

"Okay." You said softly.

"Okay?"

"I won't go anywhere." You whispered. "Just please, please don't-"

"I won't." Rindou told you, knowing exactly what you were going to say. He pulled your ring from his pocket so he could slip it back on your finger. "I love you so much y/n, let me show you yeah?"

You nodded before Rindou placed his lips on yours, both of you easily melting into eachother.

Your hands found their place in his purple hair, tugging at the strands as you tried to get closer to him. He held on to you for dear life, scared to let you go as he licked your bottom lip. You quickly opened your mouth, your tongues tangling as everything quickly became hot.

"Off." You said against his lip, ripping his dress shirt open, not caring about the buttons. You just wanted him, and you wanted him now. It's been so long since you were together like this, and you weren't ashamed to show how needy you were for his touch.

It all happened so fast, and before you knew it you were beneath Rindou, moaning as he brought you to your fourth orgasm of the night.

He spent a long time, prepping you with his fingers and tongue, making you cum again and again before filling you with his thick length, a feeling you had missed so much.

"Rin." You gasped as he hit that spot inside you again and again. "Please don't stop!"

"Fucking hell y/n. You're squeezing me so fucking tight." Rindou moaned, pounding his hips harder into you. Your nails scratched at his broad back, making him hiss as you screamed, squirting your juices all over his abdomen.

"Fuck!" Rindou groaned, pumping inside of you a few more times before stilling his hips, painting your walls white.

You were both silent, the only thing that could be heard was your heavy breathing as Rindou lay on top of you, being mindful not to crush you with his weight.

"Rindou?" You whispered, making the younger Haitani look at you.

"What is it pretty?"

"Can we go take a bath? I'm kinda of sore." You chuckled, moving his hair out of his face. He only smiled, slowly pulling out of you before standing up.

"Give me a sec okay?" He said, kissing your forehead before walking off to the bathroom. He ran a hot bath, making sure there were lots of bubbles and a nice bath bomb, just the way you liked it.

He walked back into your room, smiling at your sleepy state. He picked you up bridal style, carrying you to the shower so you could both rinse off first.

You sighed when you got in the tub, your back against Rindou’s chest as he held you.

He realized how much he really missed moments like this with you. He really did take you for granted, he knew that and he hated himself for ever making you think he didn't love or care about you.

"Rin are you okay?" You asked.

He hadn't realized he was crying.

"I just, fuck." Rindou sobbed. "I'm just so fucking sorry."

Rindou rarely cried, not like this. Sure he shed a few tears here and there, but he never completely broke down. You didn't know what to do.

"Rindou it's okay." You told him.

"It's not. It's not okay." He sobbed again, holding you tighter against him. "Can't believe I alm- almost let you slip away. Can't believe I made you feel like this was over, I'm so-"

"Shh." You cooed, turning around so you could face him, not caring about the water spilling over the sides of the tub. "Baby it's okay, I forgive you."

"You're just, you're everything to me and I almost let you walk I-"

"Rin." You said softly, holding his face between your hands. The tears in his eyes wouldn't stop, breaking your heart as you tried to consol him. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

Rindou looked at you, nothing but love for him in your eyes as you comforted him. Fuck he really was stupid.

"Let's get out of the bath and go to bed okay?" You smiled. Rindou nodded, closing his eyes as you placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, letting him calm down.

You both stepped out of the tub once his tears stopped. Rindou grabbed towels for you both to dry off before he grabbed your hand, walking you back to your shared room.

Rindou quickly slipped on a new pair of underwear before tossing you a shirt of his and a pair of sleep shorts.

"Let me just grab some new sheets okay?" Rindou told you. You nodded, smiling when he kissed your forehead.

When he returned you helped him change the bedding quickly, finally laying down with the soft duvet covering the both of you.

He was quick to grab you, cuddling you into his side, as he kissed the top of your head. You traced his tattoos, making Rindou sigh in content.

"Love you pretty girl." Rindou whispered, stopping your actions so he could grab your hand, lacing your fingers together. "I'll love you forever."

"I love you to Rin." You told him kissing his skin, finally letting your eyes flutter shut. "Forever."

[ntrending]

Industry insiders don't use their products like we do. That should worry us.

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/industry-insiders-dont-use-their-products-like-we-do-that-should-worry-us/

Industry insiders don't use their products like we do. That should worry us.

Apple founder Steve Jobs didn’t let his kids use the iPad, or really any product their dad invented, according to a 2014 report from Nick Bilton in The New York Times.

“They haven’t used it,” Jobs told Bilton. “We limit how much technology our kids use at home.” Every night, the family had a phone-free dinner together, according to Walter Isaacson, author of the definitive biography Steve Jobs. “The kids did not seem addicted at all to devices,” Isaacson told Bilton.

Many found Jobs’s choices startling—and for good reason. What does it say about the safety of a product if its creator forbids his own kids from using it? But the tech billionaire’s choices weren’t as unusual as they might seem. From tobacco to food manufacturing to social media, executives and insiders are subtly sounding the alarm in actions, if not in words. Their behaviors provide insight not just into the risks of certain consumer products to children, but to adults, too.

From the moment the Surgeon General’s 1964 report on the harmful effects of carcinogens in cigarettes was published, tobacco executives have engaged in a decades-long campaign of misinformation and obfuscation. Though they continue selling their products—wrapped in government-regulated warning packages—news reports have shown that many executives have stamped out cigarette smoke in their own lives.

As of 2014, Reynolds American, which makes Camel cigarettes, no longer lets employees smoke in the office. The company’s former CEO, Susan Cameron, stopped smoking “conventional cigarettes” more than 15 years ago, according to Fortune magazine, and turned to electronic cigarettes, which some believe are a healthier, though no less addictive, alternative.

And David Crow, then the managing director of tobacco company BAT Australia, regularly warns his children to avoid the very products he makes, according to a 2011 report in The Sydney Morning Herald. “It’s bad for you. It says it on the pack,” Crow said. “I’ve got a 13-year-old, an 11-year-old and a seven-year-old and if they smoke I tell them absolutely, categorically, ‘Do not smoke’.”

In his 2013 book Salt Sugar Fat, author Michael Moss documented the ways in which food manufacturers hacked our taste buds and designed snacks, sodas, and other grub that keep us “hooked.” Publicly, these companies have broadcast their efforts as a boon to convenience, satisfaction, and savings—despite mounting health concerns. But privately, Moss revealed, many junk food executives and their families avoided their own products, acutely aware of the dangers wrapped in brightly-colored plastics.

Take the grandchildren of Bob Drane, the creator the Lunchables. One of Drane’s adult children allows his own kids to eat Lunchables, according to Moss’s reports. But Dran’s daughter, Monica, doesn’t let her children anywhere near the stuff, which she calls “junky” and “awful.” “They know they exist and they know Grandpa Bob invented them,” she said. “But we eat very healthfully.”

Drane argues that benefits of the product outweighed the health problems associated Lunchables. While the bologna tray, Moss reports, somehow contains 13 teaspoons of sugar and two-thirds of the daily recommended sodium intake for children, the snacks save parents time. “I wish that the nutritional profile of the thing could have been better,” Drane told Moss, “but I don’t view the entire project as anything but a positive contribution to people’s lives.” Still, Drane has come to believe that his industry—if not the Lunchables product specifically—should acknowledge its accountability for issues like childhood obesity, one of several causes he’s taken up as a volunteer.

But the emphasis isn’t on children alone. When Moss grabbed a meal with “food industry legend” Howard Moskowitz, who led the effort to develop Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper, Moss ordered a few cans of soda for the table, and asked its creator to have a sip. “I’m not a soda drinker,” Moskowitz said. “It’s not good for your teeth.” With some goading from Moss, Moskowitz eventually takes a pained sip, calling the drink “terrible” and “overwhelming.”

“There is a class issue at work in processed foods, in which the inventors and company executives don’t generally partake in their own creations,” Moss concluded. Some executives have spoken up about these problems, with mixed results. In 2003, for example, Kraft rolled out nutritional labels that featured “whole package” data, providing consumers with a modicum more insight into what the CEOs already knew: how the sausage gets made. “Most of these executives [agitating for more transparency or healthier products] ended up quitting in frustration or getting fired for their unconventional views,” according to the Washington Post.

In Silicon Valley, it’s almost impossible to avoid your own inventions. Software developers abide by the maxim of “dogfooding”, which states that to refine your product, you have to use it (or “eat your own dog food”). But that doesn’t mean they don’t worry about themselves—and their children. In fact, industry insiders often use junk food as a metaphor for digital products. “It’s like if you ate potato chips all day long,” Mike McCue, the founder of Flipboard, said of social media during a 2017 appearance on the Recode Decode podcast. “You have to have a balanced information diet. There’s nothing wrong with looking at Facebook. If that’s all you do then you’re just going to be a product of that.”

Other insiders seem to harbor similar concerns. Bilton, who reported that the Jobs family was low-tech, interviewed at least six other software-savvy families for his 2014 piece. One sources said he’d “seen the dangers of technology firsthand,” from bullying to tech addiction, and wanted to protect his children from those experiences.

In 2017, Microsoft founder Bill Gates revealed he had both age and habit-related rules for his three children. “We don’t have cellphones at the table when we are having a meal,” he told The Mirror,, a British newspaper. “[W]e didn’t give our kids [cell phones] until they were 14 and they complained other kids got them earlier.” The rules about how long before bed phones had to be off probably wasn’t popular either.

But the reasonings followed a similar pattern of logic: smartphones and related devices were useful for “homework and staying in touch with friends,” Gates said, but had the potential for “excess.”

The Gates kids may not have gotten cell phones until they were 14, but the average American gets their first phone at age 10. Today, 45 percent of teens say they are “online on a near-constant basis,” according to a 2018 analysis by the Pew Research Institute. This, despite the fact that 45 percent of teens see social media neither good or bad and 24 percent see it as mostly negative.

And the statistics are just as bleak for adults. The average American spends 5 hours a day on their phone. That translates, according to one analysis, to touching, swiping, and tapping our phones 2,000 times between getting up and going back to sleep. Like a Lays potato chip, you can’t “like” just once. While many adults need smart phones for work and other essential tasks, former Google employee Tristan Harris and his colleagues at the Center for Humane Technology modify their own behaviors by graying out their screens and turning off all (or all non-essential) notifications.

Research papers, investigative journalism, court cases, and government inquiries are all sources of important consumer information, from the safety of the food we eat and the beverages we drink to the technology we keep closest to us, always in our hand, or on the nightstand. But it’s clear that the actions of CEOs are an important bellwether—a sign of problems consumers may not even know they’re facing.

Plenty of executives believe wholeheartedly in products that are clearly dangerous or, at best, a waste of money (think supplements, activated charcoal, or fad diets). But as history shows, many more executives use their insider knowledge to make different personal choices than the ones they promote to the public. Like the canaries in the coal mines of their own creation, when the CEO squawks, we should listen.

Written By Eleanor Cummins

[lrmartinjr]

Five days earlier, his mother had spent the last of her disability check on bologna, cheese, bread and Pepsi. Two days earlier, he had gone outside and looked at the train tracks that wind between the coal mines and said, “I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this.” One day earlier, the family dog had collapsed from an unnamed illness, and, without money for a veterinarian, he had watched her die on the porch. And now it was Monday morning, and Tyler McGlothlin, 19, had a plan.

“About time to go,” said his mother, Sheila McGlothlin, 57, stamping out a cigarette.

“I’m ready,” Tyler said, walking across a small, decaying house wedged against a mountain and strewn with dirty dishes, soda cans and ashtrays. They went outside, stepping past bottles of vodka his father had discarded before disappearing into another jail cell, and climbed a dirt path toward a housemate’s car.

He knew his plan was not a good one. But what choice did he have? He had looked inside the refrigerator that morning, and the math didn’t add up. Five people were living in the house, none of whom worked. It would be 17 days before his mother received another disability check and more food stamps. And the refrigerator contained only seven eggs, two pieces of bologna, 24 slices of Kraft American cheese, some sliced ham and one pork chop.

It had to be done.