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phandomsecretvalentines · 7 years

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Love; not wrong (brave)

Happy valentines day 💞💞 i hope u have a great day, where ever you are and whatever you do.

This is litteraly just 4k words of fluffy stuff (although phil’s lowkey drunk in one of the prompts, nothing happens other than him ranting about how perfect dan is, but if you dont like that stuff its the 14th. Theres also a few loose mentions of depression and feelings of anxiety but nothing dan and phil dont say themselves. Also swearing bcuz dan. Happy endings thoo, i mean its just oneshots lmao). I hope you like it tho it was v fun to write. All the prompts are from @inlovesuggest (i got their permisson).

(Also the numbers at the begining of some of them like “[10]” are what year it takes place in, if i think its important to include. If thats not there it can take place whenever makes sense but probably 2017/18)

Yeahhh hope you enjoy! @dan-matian (from @butterscotchwithwhitemalteasers)

(I’ll stop overexplaining now) ———- ———- ❝ i have a feeling im gonna love you for a long long time ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was the day after when Phil realised he might be in love.

After the anticipation, after the endless butterflies, after the sunset Skybar dates.

They were lying on Phil’s family sofa together, rewatching episodes of Buffy in comfortable silence. Dan’s head was laying on Phil’s chest as Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, it was curling at the tips now.

Dan started giggling at some cheesy joke, and hid his smile in his hands. His red patch flared up, his dimples grew, eyes crinkled. He did have a pretty laugh.

Phil titled his head and gave Dan a look.

“I’m not laughing! Shut up.” Dan’s face turned red-rose as he pushed it inside Phil’s shirt.

Phil couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across his face.

“You were. But I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You’re kinda cute,”

“Oh.”

Dan’s face got even more rosy, if that was possible.

“And I think I might love you.” ———- ❝ The sound of your voice makes me realize everything is ok, as long as I’m by your side. ❞ ———- [16] ———- Even after years of doing tours and books, Phil still felt nervous on stage.

Thousands of people watching him live, expecting, hoping.

He knew they loved him, but that didn’t console the pit in his stomach whenever he was about to step on.

What did help, however, was Dan.

Dan being there. His slightly posh voice, his half-confident-half-slacking posture. His arm, brushing against Phil’s, as he rushed off to go do something; or just so they could touch for a brief moment.

It was almost time to head on. Phil could hear the audience and the pre-show music Dan set, he could feel the anticipation in the air.

Unlike Dan, Phil was a shy kid. He didn’t do drama, he didn’t preform. This wasn’t him.

Dan’s fingers loosely touched against Phil’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“We go on in five.”

Phil smiled nervously.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be fine.”

As long as they’re together. ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

It’s not that he thought they were bad, or that he wouldn’t listen to them, he just found them rather unrelatable and boring. How many times does one have to listen to someone sing about the touch of another person?

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every ‘his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ when i say “i love you” it’s not out of habit, it’s to remind you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me ❞ ———- Compared to other people, maybe Dan and Phil didn’t say 'I love you’ much.

They decided, after a while, they’d rather show it.

So maybe Phil wouldn’t always say 'I love you’ before bed, but he would cook dinner more days a week than Dan.

He would take care of Dan when Dan couldn’t take care of himself. Phil would always cover anything for Dan, because he knew sometimes he needed it, even if he didn’t say.

He would make sure Dan got home safe, even when he only went out for milk. He’d even go out and get milk for Dan, if he was feeling far too overwhelmed to leave home that day.

And yeah, Dan might not always whisper 'I love you’ during early morning breakfasts, but he would take care of Phil when he was feeling poorly.

He would do more editing for the gaming channel, and he cleaned up the house far more. He tried to do most of their paperwork, because it often stressed Phil.

He would put his cereal in the same place every time, even when Phil always stole it.

But sometimes they would say I love you.

Sometimes, they would wake up and breathe it into each other’s ear.

Sometimes, they would make dinner and hum, in a tone, “I lovvveeee youuuuuuuu,” while putting it on the table.

Sometimes, they would sneak up behind each other while they edited, and scream it so loud that the other jumped off the sofa.

Sometimes, Phil would whisper it to Dan when Dan was too depressed to care.

Sometimes, Dan would mutter it to Phil when he was already far past asleep.

But they both always knew. ———- ❝ those knowing looks you give me from across the room are enough to make me want to stay in this place ❞ ———- Dan hated business meetings.

He hated going outside, he hated going into a building full of near-strangers, he hated talking to said strangers, he hated trying to understand complicated business concepts at far-too-early o'clock.

He wanted to leave.

Phil insisted, always, that he could go alone. It would be fine. Dan didn’t need to be there, and he didn’t mind.

Dan never took him up on the offer, he wasn’t that selfish.

So there he was, a Monday afternoon, looking out the window and bored out of his mind. He felt like he was in secondary school again; complicated concepts, boring statistics, and an unfocused mind. What was even so much better as an adult?

Dan felt Phil nudge his knee with a foot.

“You okay?” He whispered.

Right. That’s what was better. He had Phil.

“Yeah, just bored.”

“Me too, but there’s only fourty minutes left. You’ll be fine.”

Not for the first time, Dan admired Phil’s sensibility to always bring a watch to meetings.

They had both agreed that checking your phone looked quite rude, but checking a £3 Hello Kitty watch was a lot more subtle.

“Thanks.”

Phil gave Dan a small smile from across the table, and suddenly, maybe business meetings with Phil weren’t the worst place he could be. ———- ❝ we were dancing like idiots in the parking lot to our favourite bands people were staring but your dumb smile was enough to make me not care. ❞ ———- [10] ———- //“Change, Everything you are And everything you were”//

Dan never thought he would be the one slow-dancing in a parking lot at one in the morning, but apparently love mixed with sleepless nights is a hell of a drug.

//“Your number has been called Fights, battles have begun Revenge will surely come Your hard times are ahead”//

'Butterflies and Hurricanes’ played in the background, music surrounding them. It wasn’t a favourite Muse song for either of them, but it was perfect for the night.

Phil wasn’t the best dancer, Dan could admit. But neither was he, really. And it didn’t matter. They were together.

//“Best, You’ve got to be the best You’ve got to change the world”//

People were watching them, judging, or just confused. He was sure.

But when he looked up and saw Phil’s tired smile, and felt a soft kiss press his lips, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

And so they danced, a Saturday night, in a parking lot, to a Muse song.

//“And you use this chance to be heard Your time is now”//

And Dan had never felt so content. ———- ❝ maybe i could become a morning person if my mornings started next to you ❞ ———- [11] ———- It was no secret that Phil wasn’t a morning person.

Usually, he needed at least two cups of coffee and a bowl of cereal before you could even think about talking to him.

However, when he woke up with a sleeping Dan next to him, he found it hard to feel annoyed.

Dan was wrapped all around Phil, hand clutching his shirt tightly, their legs intertwined. His mouth was slightly opened, and although he didn’t snore, Phil could hear his soft breath.

He looked so young sometimes.

Dan started to open his eyes, having felt Phil’s body move.

“Mhmm?”

“Dan, I can’t reach my phone.”

Dan’s face scrunched up in distaste, “Don’t need it. 'Have me.”

Dan pulled Phil tightly into a half-hug, pinning him back down under the blankets.

He nuzzled his head into Phil’s neck, closing his eyes as his breathing steadied out again.

Maybe Phil didn’t actually mind mornings that much. ———- ❝ your laugh reminds me of all the good in the world ❞ ———- [15] ———- Dan had always loved Phil’s laugh.

From old videos, to Skype, to in person, to on the sofa next to him at three in the afternoon.

They were playing Mario Cart 8, and Dan wasn’t having the best luck. Despite being arguably worse, Phil had won every round so far, or at least gotten ahead of Dan.

Dan had managed to fling himself off the track entirely— for the fifteenth time that day— and Phil was laughing so hard Dan worried he might burst.

Dan’s favourite laugh of Phil’s.

His tounge-through-teeth laugh, where he tried to cover it with his hands but always gave in, ending up with smile lines and blushed cheeks.

Dan couldn’t stop staring. He had caused that.

He knew it was just a game of Mario Cart, that he made Phil laugh an endless amount of times, but occasionally it just hit him.

Not to romanticize, but Dan swore Phil’s laugh sounded like actual angels. It sounded like young children playing while their parents looked on; like every good thing to ever have existed, all at once. It reminded him of what happiness felt like.

“You okay Dan?”

Dan hadn’t realised how long he’d been staring for.

“Yeah. By the way, I like your laugh. Sounds nice.”

“Odd compliment, but thanks.” ———- ❝ wrapped in your arms, I feel so safe and calm. ❞ ———- Today had been a day.

Paperwork got mixed up, a venue had a miscommunication and lost a row of seats, and Phil’s birthday was in less than a week.

It was a lot for Dan at once, and he was so fucking tired.

“Phil! I need your help looking this over.”

Phil was on the phone, ordering dinner.

'Can it wait?’ He mouthed silently.

Dan shook his head violently. He was just about fed up.

Phil rolled his eyes, and muttered 'Be right back, emergency.’ into his phone.

“Alright, what?”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut tightly, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. Wait— Yes. I do know. It just is a bit blurry, in my head. Since I’m tired. Can you just explain what they said to call them for I’m really tired.”

Phil looked softly at Dan.

“It’s okay to take a break, Dan. It’s late. We can have dinner and go to bed or watch a movie.”

“No, I need this done tonight. You don’t understand. I need it perfect.”

“Not everything needs to be perfect.”

“Yes! Shit, yes. It does—”

Dan was exhausted.

Phil hugged Dan.

Dan eased into Phil’s embrace, hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m tired,”

“I know.”

“And so stressed.”

Phil kissed Dan’s forehead.

“I know, let’s lie down.”

Phil grabbed his phone, finished ordering their food, and lay on the sofa with Dan.

Dan nudged into Phil’s arms, closing his eyes.

Phil lightly kissed him, and held him closer.

“You can nap for a bit, if you want. The food is fourty minutes away. I’ll be here.”

Dan sighed contently.

“Thank you.” ———- ❝ my hands are cold, would you mind holding them? ❞ ———- [11] ———- “It’s snowing.”

Dan and Phil were sitting on Phil’s balcony, sipping hot coco.

“It is,”

“It’s cold.” Dan smiled innocently at Phil.

“Yes? Do you need mittens? I think I have a pair—”

“Can you hold my hand?”

“Oh-” Phil went bright pink, “Sure, yeah, okay.”

He reached out and tapped his fingers nervously against Dan’s free hand, before interlocking them.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. It is really cold, actually.”

Dan laughed, “Yeah, I know! It actually is snowing out, it wasn’t all a ploy.”

Phil smiled warmly.

“I like holding your hand.”

“We are doing this for warmth and survival only, you dork. But, I like holding your hand too.” ———- ❝ Just the two of us, cuddling at late night. Enjoying the silence, and the presence of each other. I fall asleep in your chest, hearing your heartbeats ❞ ———- It was 2am, they’re watching a Studio Ghibli movie.

Or at least, they were, until the credits rolled and they were too lazy to pick another one.

So now, they were lying on the sofa, listening to the silence and the others heartbeat.

Dan’s head was on Phil’s chest, a grin as he heard Phil’s soft breathing.

Phil was running his fingers through Dan’s curls, twirling each one.

Dan’s eyelids slowly difted closed, and his breathing evened out.

“Goodnight, Danny.” Phil whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Dan smiled within his sleep. ———- ❝ i never want to know what life is like without you again ❞ ———- [17] ———- In more ways than one, Dan and Phil ran on parallel tracks.

Their thoughts, but their actions too. Their daily lives so delicately intertwined.

They would wake up together, one kissing the other or just the sound of an aggressively loud alarm.

They would get dressed, take showers, brush their teeth, fix their hair, in turns. Perfectly in sync. A well oiled machine.

One of them would make breakfast, or they both would. Coffee, tea, cereal. A petty argument about stolen cereal, sometimes, then a slice of toast.

They would watch TV, or an anime, but today they watched Undercover Cops. Phil wanted to spice it up a bit.

After that, they’d sit in the lounge, doing nothing, editing, or any mix of the two.

Eventually, one of them would get hungry, and they would order or cook. Today it was order, burritos from a local mexican place and salads.

After they ate, Dan would take off somewhere else to do something else. Piano, games, or random things around the house. Phil might join him, but not always. This was as much space as they needed.

After that, Dan would return in exercise clothes with yoga mats. Phil would go off to change, and would return. Either yoga or some standard workout, nothing too much, but enough to make Dan okay. Phil never minded it.

After that, they would return to the lounge and relax for a while. Maybe catch up on a show. Other times, they might film a gaming video, or even a main channel video if one was prepared.

Then one would be hungry again, and they would make dinner. Sometimes they ordered, but less and less, since Dan’s therapist recommended healthy home-cooked meals. They decided on Indian food, Tandoori Chicken and Rice, with a Stir-Fry.

After dinner, Dan would go play games, and Phil might too. Or maybe watch a show Dan didn’t care for. Maybe clean up a bit more. Always something, though. Unless it was a nothing day.

Sometime at night, they would get tired. They’d head off to bed, maybe Dan would want to shower again. They would just lay with each other, until the comfort of the other persons presence lulled them both to sleep.

They worked well together, and had done for years. It was hard to remember a time before they were each others lives.

Rarely ever alone. ———- ❝ a concept: holding hands while walking along the beach as the sun sets next to us and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss and mmmaybe kiss ❞ ———- [10] ———- After four hours, Dan and Phil had finally managed to escape from the rest of the group.

Now they were walking down the sandy beach, awkwardly watching the sunset, side by side.

Neither one really knew what they were doing, neither really cared.

The sky had just reached that violet-red-orange ice-creamed mix when Phil intertwined his fingers with Dan’s.

Dan looked up at him, pink cheeks.

They glanced at each other for a second longer, then continued walking.

“You do realise we’re literally doing that romantic-walk-on-the-beach cliché thing?”

“Yeah, but it’s nice.”

“It is,”

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes a moment, then softly pressed their lips together. ———- ❝ i love the way you sound at 3am and how you look when you smile. it’s addicting ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was three in the morning, and Phil had decided that Dan was pretty.

And not the flowy-hair-model pretty, but the timeless one. The one where your features are just— perfect.

Phil couldn’t even think of a proper describing word; although that may be the three glasses of wine he had earlier.

He looked at Dan’s fuzzy image through his laptop, admiring. Dan had been attempting to play piano, but gave up and was just lying on his bed now.

“You’re pretty.” Phil whispered.

Dan blushed. How adorable.

“Thanks?”

“Really. Timelessly beautiful. And sexy, and handsome and hot and gorgeous and every other good word. You’re— Dan. That’s perfect. Dan is a good word.”

Dan grinned wide at Phil’s drunken rambles.

“I–”

“And your voice, it’s just nice. Calming. You think it’s too posh or whatever but it’s not. It’s great Dan. It’s Dan! That’s a good thing. I love it. One day I wanna fall asleep to it and wake up to it and—”

Phil teared up at this. He wanted to be with Dan forever, and he knew it.

“Dan, I,”

Dan was looking a bit confused now.

“Yeah, Phil? Are you okay?”

“You’re pretty, Dan. That’s all. But that’s not all at all.” ———- ❝ being old doesn’t seem too awful when i think about growing old with you ❞ ———- [18] ———- Phil sighed, rolling over in bed.

“I’m thirty-one now.”

Dan smiled, “Yeah?”

“That’s pretty old.”

“Not that old, honestly.” Dan laughed quietly, “You’re barely over your twenties.”

“People my age have families,” Phil stares at the ceiling, unblinking. “They’re married with a house.”

“Kids don’t make you old, Phil. People have kids at sixteen, my mum had me at ninteen for God’s sake. And anyone can buy a house, anyone can get married.”

Phil leaned on his side to look at Dan. “You know what I mean—I could. I haven’t done that much, I’m getting old. I could die tommorow.”

Dan’s turn to sigh.

“You could’ve died yesterday, Philly.” He smiles fondly, “And you have done so, so, much. Really. You’ve gone to University, had three homes, have four million fans, gone on tour—there’s more to life than just domestic stuff. And if you want domestic stuff, we can do that too. Forever home, dog, eventually marriage and kids.”

“I know,”

“What’s the issue?”

“I dunno. I just don’t wanna die. I don’t want to be old, really. I don’t know.”

Dan glanced at him.

“You’re gonna be old. We’ll be old together. Like the great poet Ed Sheeran once said, 'I’ll be loving you 'till we’re seventy,’”

Phil giggles, “Maybe you’re right. It’ll be fun with you. You make things fun.”

“Yup. I’ll always love you, even when you have grey hair that you still dye black, and wrinkles, and smell like bad cologne.”

“Always.” ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every 'his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ How dare you make me smile so hard that my face hurts when you’re so far away? ❞ ———- “Well this feels like déjà vu.”

Dan was sitting on their bed, laptop opened to Skype, smiling at Phil.

Phil was at his parent’s house, sitting on a guest bed, smiling back.

“You’re right. I have too many memories of nights like these.” Phil laughs half-heartedly.

“I probably would’ve just come with you, if I didn’t have a video to film.”

“I know. And remember to send me the file when you’re done so I can watch over it.”

“Yes, Dad.” Dan rolled his eyes fondly.

“It’s your regret, Daniel.”

Dan sighed, “I miss you.”

Phil smiled back, sadly, “I miss you too. But it’s only a few days, don’t worry. Just edit.”

“I remember a lot of nights back then, saying how one day we would never have to Skype again, yet here we are.”

“Stop being melodramatic Dan, it’s only a weekend for my mum’s birthday. We’ll live.”

“Will we? Because I swear I’m dddddyyyinnngggg!” Dan flopped down on the bed, pretending to faint, and they both fall into a fit of giggles.

“Noooo Danny! Don’t go into the light!”

“It’s too late… I can—see God… she’s coming for me…”

“Dannnnnnn! Nooo!” Phil put his hand over his heart and sobbed dramatically.

“God is Ribena Phil, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

They both burst into uncontrollable laughter at this, tears streaming down Dan’s face, struggling to catch their breath.

“Oh my god, Dan!”

“Oh my—Oh my Ribena, you mean!—”

They both gasped for air, Dan’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

“Of course, how dare I!?”

Once the laughter had settled down and they were both softly smiling again, Dan sighed.

“I still wish you weren’t so far. I want to be with you.”

Phil smirked, “Don’t you mean 'I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone’?”

“Shut up! Why do you even remember that?” Dan blushed and hid his face in a pillow.

Old feelings, old love. ———- ❝ in your kiss, I felt at peace ❞ ———- [09] ———- Butterflies.

Dan looks at Phil, Phil looks at Dan.

Dan tilts his head to the side.

His head is beating fast, but his heart is beating faster.

Phil is beautiful.

Now or never.

Butterflies.

Two lips, just two lips.

Soft. Phil’s lips are very soft. And sweet like honey.

Butterflies and honey.

A winning combination for your butterflies to get all sticky and trapped, and for you to feel brave.

Honey is sweet, like Phil’s lips.

Phil’s lips are better than honey.

This isn’t Dan’s first kiss, but it might as well be. This feels more important.

Honey.

Butterflies.

Honey is sweet.

Phil’s lips are sweeter.

“Thank you.” ———-

#submission

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