#don't snoop.. there's a bunch of nasty nasty on there 😭

[somedaytakethetime]

So... @studysimsx.. I have something for you 😶👉🏻👈🏻 I have something for anyone else that might want to read it too, of course. Prompt: Slowburn, a little angsty, childhood friends to total fools in love Nicolò Zaniolo thingie was requested and.. well... 😶😶.. here it is. I hope you enjoy it, I gave it my best shot and hopefully that's okay 😭 Rating: totally family friend. There's a few curse words in there, and a few kisses at the end. Only the absolute faintest mention of a broken nose and a potential broken hand. But it's all very Catholic, I promise 😂 IT'S ALSO ALL VERY VERY WORDY AND I'M SORRY I CAN'T WRITE SHORT STUFF

Also little side note: a somewhat recurring part of the plot is the reader, aka all of you that might find this, being from another country. I'm portuguese so, being foreign is part of my identity and I like the cuteness that can arise from teaching someone parts of my language and have them teach me theirs 🥺

You meet as children. Your family has just relocated to Italy, your father found a better job and you've all been packed up and uprooted with him. You're excited and scared, you're so young and you don't speak this different language that you hear all around you once you arrive at your new home. You have no clue how to communicate with anyone around, you're in a class full of children that sound so strange to your ears, you miss home. One the first day you break down in tears in the middle of class and you can't understand if the children are mocking you or trying to help you. That's when you meet him. He's in your class too. The boy with the kind eyes. That's how you think of him once you see him. He's smiling softly as he takes your hand. You can't understand a word he says but he's being so gentle and calming that you stop crying. The teacher tries her best to communicate with you too, she's soothing and pretty. She's your favourite teacher immediately, that's something that will always remain in your head. The boy sits down beside you and holds your hand through the whole class, nodding and smiling encouragingly whenever you try really hard to say the same things they say. He's your favourite too in that moment. And that's something that will remain for many years to come, but you're yet unware of it.

"Nicolò" he smiles softly and points to himself, waits and expects you to give your name too. You say it, soft and slow, and point to yourself just like he did. He has trouble saying your name, just like you have saying his. He's clumsy with it, fumbles it a little but his smile doesn't falter at all, he's not embarrassed to make a mistake. You're new to him, everything about you is new to him, just like he is to you. But you're scared and overwhelmed, he isn't. He doesn't scare easily, doesn't feel overwhelmed, he has a confidence you have never seen before and it impresses you. You want to be like that. So you follow his guidance, which he offers freely and gladly. He sits next to you for every class, holds your hand when your voice shakes and tears sting in your eyes after you feel like you fumbled this new language and embarrassement burns inside you. "Calmati" he says so softly. You have no clue what it means yet but it has a softening effect on your shame and nerves. You remember how he's not embarrassed to make mistakes, he laughs it off when he fumbles words too. And this is his language. Yet, he's fumbling words. You wonder if he's doing it on purpose, to help you feel better, but you think that's silly. He would never do that, he barely knows you, why would he make himself look foolish just to help you feel better? But still.. it lingers. You slowly learn as the weeks go by, slowly start to feel better about this new language, feel less ashamed of not understanding it. Other children befriend you, the girls are all so sweet and kind, they help you so much, but the boy keeps by your side. You like him the best still. You'll always like him the best, you know it in your heart.

What you didn't know is that he's somewhat of a big deal. Well, not really, not quite. But his father is. You don't quite understand anything at that age but his father is someone that people know. You hear the children make a bit of a fuss when he comes to some afterschool activities one time. You feel shy around him when Nico introduces you to them, feel shy around his mother too, she's very pretty. They're nice to you, they say some things you don't understand, they speak too fast but whatever they said makes Nico's face turn pink and he looks sour and huffs at his parents. They just laugh and ruffle his hair. You don't get to spend much time with him but you discover something. He's really good with his feet. A game somehow starts with all the boys and he's good. You don't care too deeply about football, or any sport for that matter, but even you can tell he's good. Your father says so too, "That boy is going to be good, he has a spark.", and your father is always right so you accept his opinion as your own. You watch Nico play with the other boys, watch him laugh when he slips and gets up, watch him celebrate and keep going even when they try to hold him back. And you hope your father is right. You can't explain it, you don't understand it, but you're so fond of this boy. He's been so kind to you. So encouraging, so supportive. He didn't have to be, but he is. And you want to pay that kindness back, you have nothing to give, but you wish that one day you'll manage to repay his kindness. You close your eyes and you wish so hard that he'll be good and his dreams will come true, whatever they may be. And in a more quiet thought, you wish that he won't leave you behind when he does.

The years feel like they drag on. Yet, your parents keep saying they're rushing by. You grow and grow, get better and better, you start to feel like you're home now. Your parents are happy, your siblings are happy. And you start to feel happy too. You make friends, the words get easier, you keep pushing forward. It gets easier and easier, things change and get better. But your friendship with Nicolò doesn't change. Even when you land in different classes, he's still your best friend. No matter how many years pass by both of you, he's still the one that you want beside you. He's still the one you spend the most time with outside of school. It's still his voice that you hear in your head, every time you're nervous or embarrassed or scared, "Calmati". It became your mantra when you understood what it meant. You still hear it in his childlike voice even though his voice is deeper now. When you close your eyes in moments of stress you still feel his hand holding yours firmly as he said it. And when you open them he's there. He's always there. And you're always with him too. You've followed him to games when you could over the years, you still do the best you can to support him. Show up on your own when your parents can't accompany you and your friends don't want to go. You're there for him, because he was there for you. That very first day when you cried. He was there. And you promised yourself you'd repay the kindness. As the years pass there's something.. something that you never quite allowed yourself to understand before. Nico gets rather handsome. He always was the sweet boy with the kind eyes, but he starts to become.. something. You don't know what. But it makes your heart flutter a little. It makes you feel warmer around him. Teenaged hormones aren't much help in trying to figure it out. Because they make it worse. The need to spend time with him starts to become.. more annoying. Especially because he's hormonal now too. And the other girls can see that he's handsome. "Don't tell me that you're jealous now? Come on, you'll always be my special girl. We're best friends, remember?" he always says with that smirk, that teasing smirk. The cruel smirk, you call it. The cruel smirk that makes your heart flutter and makes you huff and insult him softly because he doesn't get it. He still goes off with other girls. So you can't explain it to him either. Because he wouldn't get it.

Your first boyfriend causes a strain on things. Nicolò is pissed. He can't stand that guy, absolutely despises him. He knows he's going to break your heart and he already wants to crack his face before he even has the chance for it. He knows he's been going around a bit, but he likes girls and the girls like him. It's not that deep to him. He's not in love. He can't be because… you wouldn't understand. He can't tell you, it would be pointless. He knows you're best friends. He gets it. This is it. He accepts that. But he doesn't accept that you're dating who he likes to think of as his biggest rival. He's fuming when you tell him. You don't talk for weeks after that. He can't even bear to look at you. Especially not when you're with him. In this time he knows he does more wrongs than he does rights. He's not proud of himself at all, but he's doing what he needs to to make it hurt less. Because it hurts. He'd been imagining that you could be by each other's sides forever and things seem different now. That guy is a pebble in his shoe constantly. Even after you try to make things better between you. He tries to be polite and collected but it's so hard. Nico will always think of that as the lowest point of your lives, he's miserable. And he knows you are too. He can see it in your eyes. You look sad all the time. Especially when that idiot starts to turn. Like he knew he would. He ends up dumping you for another girl. You're heartbroken. Nico finds out from a girl that knows her. And he's definitely not proud of what he does that afternoon. But it had to be done. He ends up at your house, you're in total tatters, and he comforts you. He pushes your questions aside in favour of holding you while you cry over a broken heart. He thinks he might have a broken hand but he knows for a fact that idiot definitely has a broken nose so it makes up for it. He lies and tells you he got in a tiff during practice and they all had a brawl. You don't find out that he beat up your ex boyfriend for at least a few years and by the time you find out there's no point in scolding him for it. All he does is laugh anyway, "What did you expect me to do? He broke my favourite girl's heart. I don't allow anyone to do that to my best friend." the cruel smirk is back by then. So is the way your heart flutters around him.

Nearing adulthood changes everything. He's been on the rise this whole time. But everything changes when he starts to make it to big clubs. They don't treat him the way he deserves, there's so much anger and heartbreak during these years. He feels like no matter how hard he tries, he keeps being told he's not good enough to be really big. As big as he deserves to be. As big as you hoped and wished he would be all those years ago. You stick by him, keep him company, keep going to every game. You become his support, his comfort. You get invested in this game now, truly invested. He teaches you things and you start to make sense of it all. You start to get even better than he is at understanding the tactical side, but he's gifted he doesn't need to understand the deep logic, he just needs to do it. Always says with a teasing laugh "I don't care about logic, my feet just go and I follow. That's all that needs to happen.". And it does. He tries harder and harder to prove himself. Overworks himself. Falls in and out of heartbreak, and you're the one that holds his hand now. "Calmati", you're the one that tells him now. It gets both harder and easier for you. You've finally understood what the fluttering feeling is. But you're rational now. You understand you're only best friends. As long as you can stay that way, that's all you need. "You won't ever leave me, will you, Nicolò? You promise?" and he always gives you a smile, that same smile that he gave you on the first day, "Never. I will never ever leave you. We're best friends, remember? I promise it'll always be that way no matter what happens.". And you believe him. Even as he gets in a few messy relationships. Even as his personality starts to shift and become.. different. Even as he finally makes it and starts to get really big and you can tell it's clearly getting to his head. He keeps promising the same, and you try so hard to believe him. But the more time passes, the less you start to believe it. He's not the same he was. Louder, flashier, more arrogant at times. He does things you don't think that little boy you met all those years ago would do, he says things that don't feel right coming from his voice. You start to fear you're losing him. The less time you spend together, the more he leaves you to go out with other people, louder and flashier people, the more scared you get that he'll leave. And it's starting to wear on you. You keep trying to stand by your promise, to give back that kindness he gave you, but it's so hard when he barely feels the same now. Even when you go to the games, so much louder and brighter than they ever were before, he pays attention to others before he notices you. Hurts like hell. He wouldn't undertand why. You feel… forgotten. And one night, when he breaks that promise, it all crashes down.

You were going to have a night in together to watch that film you've been wanting to so much. You cooked dinner, his favourite, and you had everything ready. And time keeps ticking by. The food gets cold. He doesn't reply to your texts. He doesn't answer your calls. You eat alone and mope until you feel like moping no more. In a moment of wildness you get dressed. Put on that one outfit that you love and feel amazing in. Because.. Nico complimented you once in this. You watch yourself in the mirror and you can see it happening all over again. His eyes darkening as he looked you up and down, the way he paused and his body froze in place. He took so long appraising you and then his voice sound.. rough.. when he said "You look amazing in that.." the look he gave you after.. it still makes your blood rush in your veins. You shake yourself out of that thought, you take a deep breath, maybe tonight someone else can make your blood rush in your veins. You're tired of feeling pathetic. He doesn't like you, you tell yourself as you put your shoes on and walk out of the door with your purse in hand. You don't even know where you're going but your senses drive you to this club. You've been here before. A few times with Nico, when he took you with his other friends too. You wouldn't say it's the best place ever, but it's definitely a nice place, nicer than many other dingy spots you've been to in your teens when you were sneaking out at night with your friends. The bodyguard at the entrance smiles at you and he eyes you a little. Normally you'd feel uncomfortable, you still are a little, but he's not unattractive and for once you're allowing yourself to feel empowered by the fact someone openly finds you attractive. You've had flings, a boyfriend or two, you've have your own exploration while Nico was going around burning through the female population near you like a wildfire, but.. it wasn't it. You know why. You finally understand your heart. You're finally open about it. And maybe tonight you're ready to forget it for good.

A hand touches your waist and it startles you a little. It's so warm and firm.. you think you've felt this touch before. But that's insanity. You swivel around quickly to yell at however is putting hands on you without permission and come face to face with Nicolò. He's just as surprised as you are if his eyebrows raising to the ceiling are any indication. "What the hell are you doing here!?" comes out of his mouth harshly and you just roll your eyes "Having fun after someone ditched me without giving me an explanation.", you're beyond annoyed and you don't care if you're harsh, he deserves harsh. You watch realisation sink in his features "Holy shit, that was tonight!?" and you can't even fake it. You shake him off, roll your eyes, "Fuck off, Nico. You know damn well that was tonight. I have texted you, called you, did everything and you ignored me. Just leave me alone.". The look of offence on his face almost makes you laugh but you don't stick around, you grab your purse and just walk away from him. He follows you "My phone is at home, it's not working well. Where do you think you're going!? Why the hell are you even here dressed like that?!", it stops you in your tracks. You turn around so fast he nearly slams into you, "Dressed. Like. What. Go on, Nicolò, dressed like what? Tell me what I'm dressed like. I'm curious." he looks apologetic, "No, no. No. That's not what I mean. I mean that you're just.. you're too hot to be walking around like that in this place, the guys will hit on you!" he sounds like a whining child. Looks like he's about to throw a tantrum too. And you laugh in his face. A humourless laugh. A bitter laugh. "Oh? The guys will hit on me? And that's not allowed? I'm not allowed to be found attractive by men now?" "Not by random men like the ones at this club.." "Funny because you had no trouble coming over to me and place your hand on my waist like you know me yet the other men here, none of whom have approached me may I add, are all sleazy and not good enough for me." his eyes darken but you don't stop, "Fuck off, Nico. I don't give a shit what you think at all. Maybe I want to be attractive to other men. Maybe I want them to hit on me. I'm attractive and I'm allowed to flirt with random men, even go home with them, if that's what I please." "You're definitely not." there's anger in his voice, and you get angry back, "Yes. I. Am. You ditched me tonight, you keep ditching me constantly actually, give me a lousy excuse as to why you're ignoring me too. Listen to me: you don't own me, I'm not your dog. Go back to your little friends, Nicolò, and stop bothering me. You've ruined my night enough, just leave me alone." you walk away from him, rush past people to get outside. You're fuming. But so is he.

"What the hell do you mean by that? Why are you talking to me like this?! You've never talked what way before!" you're so angry you want to smack him with your purse, "You have also never ditched me this way before! Remember all those stupid promises of never leaving me behind, Nicolò? Remember those? Guess what you've been doing lately!? Guess??" "I'm not leaving you behind! I'm having fun with friends, am I not allowed that anymore!?" you laugh bitterly again "By all means be my guest, Nico! I barely see you these days, you leave me on read constantly, you don't even answer my calls after matches that I can't attend when I want to talk to you to see how you're doing but by all means act like I'm constantly hogging your time! When was the last time we've spend time together? In person. When was that?" his face drops, he's counting the days.. weeks… a month or more.. you've been growing further and further apart. He can't say anything, just straightens up and masks his shame with indifference. And it pisses you off. He's putting the mask on. Like he does for cameras. Like he does to lie to people. He's never done it with you. It shatters your heart and you can't take it. You promised and he promised and together you promised.. and now he leaves you this way..

You look at him, "Are you not going to say anything? Not even a single word?" you can barely mask the hurt, your accent comes out and gets thicker, when you're upset it always does, you'll never be Italian, you'll never belong.. no matter how hard you try to fit in, you'll never be one of them.. it used to hurt you, but Nico accepted you, made you feel like you fit in. Made you feel like you're part of this place. You used to have a place here. In his life. This used to be home. You're not sure it is anymore. You take a deep breath, try to gather yourself so you get your regular accent back, the one they all know as your best approximation to Italian, but you fail. You sound very much yourself. Like you did as a child. Memories of all the years spend with him, laughing together, teaching each other words, speaking to him in your language flood you, they make your heart ache, the longer you stand there looking at him, silent and stoic, the more it hurts. You nod slowly, "Alright. I get it. It's over. I'm done trying to hold on. I hope you have a good life. Good luck in your future, and thank you for the friendship over the years." you don't pause to look at how he reacts to the others. You just walk away. And he watches you, taking slow steps, then quick steps as you get more and more upset. Watches you disappear and he feels his stomach dropping.

'What are you doing.. no.. what have you done, Nicolò..' he paces outside, curses and kicks at nothing, feels angry, hurt, broken. He just broke your heart. He could see it. Your eyes got cloudy, you couldn't look at him, your voice shook and you sounded so.. you. The accent was back. His favourite sound. He leans against the wall, closes his eyes and let's himself sink into the memories. Flashes of spending years by your side. Always holding your hand, hearing your voice get more and more confident as you spoke his language, your beautiful smile, the delightful sound of your laugh, your comforting embrace, the soothing sound of your voice… all those memories when you thought him words in your native tongue. All the memories of tender touches, being so close to you.. all the times he nearly kissed you. He wanted to so badly over the years. He's been pining for you for so long. Got entangled with so many girls just to feel any different. And he couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw you. He was taken by you the very first time he saw you. He just couldn't help it. You looked so small, so frightened, so shy. He wanted to hold your hand. He still wants to hold your hand. He always does. He wants to hold your hand as he takes his last breath. He needs that. He can't let you go. Because he doesn't know how to be if he doesn't have you around. You're the one constant he's had in his life. You stuck with him. You believed even when others faultered. And he's let you down. He hurt you. He feels like the biggest asshole on the planet. He's allowed the fame and the glory to get to him, he let it happen. He broke the promise he made to you. He has to fix this, he can't lose you this easily. His friends snap him out of his thoughts, but he just tells them he has to leave, shrugs them off and rushes to his car. It can't be too late. He needs to make amends, he needs to ask for forgiveness, he'll do anything to have you back. You can't leave him, how is he supposed to exist if you're not around?

You're not expecting anyone to knock on the door, you don't want anyone around, but you still pull yourself from the couch and head to the door. Your heart is in tatters, you probably are too. You've been sobbing since you left him, cried the whole way home and could barely see while driving, it's a miracle that you're in one piece, you've been rumpled on the couch since you arrived. There's a hope.. a silly little thing, small and weak like a baby bird. It flutters it's wings in your heart. You hope it's him. You miss him already. You don't know what to do without him, he's always been around to hold your hand. You're.. dependent on each other. You've been dependent on him since he held your hand all those years ago. You feel cold thinking he'll never do it again. You shake as you reach for the handle, the door feels so much heavier than it's ever felt when you pull it open. And he doesn't even let you think, he pushes past you into your house and sounds so hurt when he says "How can you say that? How can you say all of that and leave me like that? How can you do this to me? How can you not even give me a chance?", he registers your red nose, tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes, you sniffle meakly and just say softly "What am I supposed to do? Sit around like an idiot waiting until you notice me again one day? I've given you chance after chance, I can't keep getting this hurt.." he's by your side immediately, takes your hand off the handle and pushes the door closed, holds your other hand, "I'm so so sorry. I'm a dick, I know I am, I've been so wrong for what I've done. I shouldn't have pushed you away like this, I'm truly sorry. You mean so much to me, please don't think you don't." "How am I supposed to believe that? We've barely seen each other.. you didn't even remember tonight.. lied about the phone... I just miss you Nico. You were my best friend.. I thought we'd always be the same.. but you've changed.. and.. it's feels like I no longer have a place in your life.." tears gather in his eyes. It's not the first time you've seen him cry but this time it feels different. He's deeply hurt. Because he regrets how he's treated you, sounds clumsy and soft, "No, no. No. Don't say that. No past tense. Don't say it like that. We are. Present. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I've made you feel this way. Don't say you don't have a place in my life anymore… I- you-.. look at me" his eyes are shiny, they're.. for the first time in your whole life, you see it. He's truly looking at you. The way you look at him when he's not looking. He sees you. Like you see him. Like you've seen him for over a decade now. He- "How can you say that you no longer have a place in my life.. when you're all I have a place for? You're everything to me. My support, my company, my best friend, my everything, my.." he gets even closer to you, takes a deep breath, "my love." neither knows who moves first, but it doesn't matter. You're moving together. Clinging to each other. Kissing like it's the first kiss of your lives. You melt in his arms and he holds you tightly, kisses you deeper, moves from desperate to soft and slow. Kisses you until he feels you breathless and then pulls away, rests his forehead on yours, eyes closed, voice so so tender "You're my love. I've been in love with you for years now. I can finally say it, I've hid it for too long. And you didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of what I've done. But my feelings are true. I love you"

You look at him. Time stops. You're a child again. He's sitting beside you. His hand holds yours tightly, soothingly, his voice is soft and gentle "Calmati". His smile is radiant and you feel your heart flutter. You feel like this boy you just met is going to be the love of your life, you want him to be. The boy with the kind eyes. You're looking at him now, a grown man who makes mistakes and acts like a child from time to time. His eyes open and meet yours, his smile is unsure. He's insecure. Afraid you'll turn him down. But how could you? He's the boy with the kind eyes. He's the boy that held your hand when you were scared. The boy that helped your pronunciation get better over the years. The boy that got injured fighting for you when someone hurt you deeply. The boy that's made your heart flutter every single day for years now. He's foolish at times, teasing at others, proud and nearly arrogant when his confidence gets too high. He's flawed. But he's human. And he's always been kind. He's yours. "I love you." you can't help the hiccup and the flood of tears that bubble up from you after you say it. Your accent is the thickest it's ever been in years. He smiles so brightly before he nearly crushes you to his chest. Muffled into his shirt your voice, in your language, comes out and declares your love for him again. And a million other things you can't express in Italian right now. But he laughs, happy and giddy, excited and so so in love. "Those have always been my favourite sounds, you know?" he looks down at you, looks so deeply into your eyes, "I love you. I've loved you for years. I'll love you forever. I promise that from the heart.". And the boy with the kind eyes, after all, loves you back.