#don't mind me i'm talking all the way down here. just pondering the concept of like

[cakemoney]

brennan: so you're in the last standard exam in an alien realm and in the stands you see a bunch of arthur agueforts, they're cheering for you, they're talking to each other, they've got your names written on their chests

editors: zooms in on the two arthur agueforts who are making out because they know how we are

[deviantartdramahub]

I apologize if I'm misunderstanding something and this is culture shock in a kind of way. I'm F14PA, was previously sheltered in an Amish family (still am, but my parents have been lenient about the web), and was introduced to DeviantArt. I posted someone's work and I guess this is taboo on the internet? I don't understand. Someone explained to me this thing called copyright. Treat what I'm about to say as stupid, but I was told I can't do what other people do and to post here if I have anything to talk about. What's going on?

"To every cow belongs her calf, therefore to every book belongs its copy."

~ Ancient Irish King Diarmitt Mac Cerbhaill, right before a bloody war (you might like the Amish friend of mine who posted that, they need friends)

The fact there was a war over copyright in 560 AD only goes to show it is what we might call "divisive", but anyone who understands the importance of honesty will understand where the basics come from. An honest person wouldn't say they invented something when they didn't, wouldn't say they weren't the cause of something when they were, wouldn't steal something they didn't earn, wouldn't cheat in a game whose rules they agreed upon with the other players, and wouldn't say something if they didn't 100% believe it to be true, whether that's because the source is untrustworthy or their own memory is unreliable.

A good way to think about the "concept" of copyright is to compare it to the "concept" of grace. If care over our mortal lives be deemed a gift from God, many see it fitting to acknowledge that, as we sit down for the most universal part of humanity's day, dinner. Of course, our gifts have many sources. The vocables we read were the brainfruit of people whom they came from, so it is reasoned tribute be given, hence the conflict in the first link. You may also be thinking about the second or third commandment (I've seen Amish replicated dolls for one).

There are some who are stricter than Saint Finnian was, unsatisfied with any form of tribute, for reasons also discussed and will be discussed. And there are some who are looser, lenient, unscolding... when it comes to my work, I am close to that.

You may have heard about the AI-related feuds, they are everywhere and have diverged in thought.

If you were to research copyright from past to present, mention of incidences of distortion may commonly come up. It has often been a concern that certain gestures are made to imply that the source was to convey something it didn't. One instance of this, you could say, happened during the Vietnam War. Love or hate the communist manifesto, the United States tried to make modified copies and release them upon the Vietnamese, one of the new "planks" being to line up by the road so it can be seen who is a communist. If it had literate synergy before, the tampering ruined it. History will, of course, tell you that Vietnamese Communists eventually did win over. You could ponder similar stories about the Catholic order of the middle ages when you read about a demon they taught about, a servant of the one true Lucifer you might know as Titivillus. Chinese whispers comes to mind.

You might say it comes off as just another derivative of the classic conflict between the concept of freedom and the concept of etiquette (I'm surprised if, as an Amish teen, you've never encountered a situation with one of you shyly hiding from a camera, the stereotype has even been you all think cameras steal souls), but, as media comes with loads of context, and their presence loads of implications, a question about this never hurts.

[peachyysugaa]

circuit

― youtuber!sim jaeyun x electrical engineering major!gn!reader

you didn't think your favorite physics youtuber would be filming a lecture at your university.

genre: fluff

wc: 1.7k

warnings: physics (probably incorrect too 🤡), a bit of cursing

a/n: all my homies and i hate the line-break glitch 😡😡 but i still hope you all enjoy jake as a physics lecturer hehehe~ he's so polite here too no soccer chad energy 😳

part of my youtuber enhypen series, the third upload! feel free to read by itself~ ♞──────────────────────────♞

"oh my gosh, he's so young and cute!"

"should i ask for his number?"

"but wait, what if he just talks about physics?"

these are the whispers you hear as you're about to walk into your physics lecture. pondering what kind of person would make university students want their number but still be into physics, your mind thinks of the physics youtuber you always watch in your spare time.

you shake your head and chuckle to yourself in disbelief. 'no, it can't be,' you think. oh, but apparently, it can be. because as you pull open the heavy door to your lecture hall named after some old guy who did something extraordinarily science-related for the school, you catch a glimpse of a familiar mop of brown hair.

line break - ignore this, it's so the glitch doesn't take this next paragraph away :')

however many times you blinked your eyes, you couldn't deny that it was him, jake sim, or as he was known on youtube, physjaeyun or even ta jake for fun, but you knew him as your favorite physics youtuber. late nights of physics often included him clearly explaining all the concepts and problems to you, helping you a great deal with your homework and even helping you ace some tests.

"sorry, can i sit there?" you don't realize you were blocking the aisle on your left until your fellow classmate politely asked you.

"oh, sorry!" you say to them, moving out of their way and rushing to the second front row. as you sit down, your eyes waver to the australian youtuber nearby and then to the camera that is several rows behind yours.

"is he... filming a video for his channel?" you mutter to yourself.

"i am." you whip your head back towards the front and clutch your hand to your chest in attempt to calm down the rapid beating. he chuckles at the sight of your expression as if you were a deer caught in the headlights. "i'm looking forward to teaching you today."

"i-i'm looking forward to learning more from you today," you manage to admit.

his smile is bright and warm like it was emitting rays of sunshine itself. "you watch my videos?"

you gulp the excited anxiousness caused by his smile away. "yeah, i do. they help me out a lot, i'm actually an electrical engineering major," you manage to say without stuttering.

"really?" he grins as he watches you nod. "you'll really like this lesson then."

your eyebrows furrow as you tilt your head to the side in confusion, but he just walks away with a mischievous boyish smirk. you shake your head to snap out of the daze and quickly take out your notetaking supplies.

'wait, did i just talk to him?' your mind suddenly realizes, and your jaw can't help but to go slack. 'oh shit, i did!?!!;$&/!?/$&'

your mind is racing full of thoughts and exclamations unable to form cohesive nor full sentences, so when sim jake's voice booms throughout the lecture hall, you almost drop your writing utensil as you scramble to catch it. luckily, you're able to hold it in your hand tightly, letting out a breath of relief as you tune into the youtuber's first live lecture. "... some of you may know me," a wink is directed towards you, which makes you look left and right to see if he was looking at anyone else and he wasn't. "some of you may not, but that's alright, because i'm still teaching your lesson today and it'll be uploaded on youtube in case you end up not being able to keep up."

he goes over to the first large whiteboard and writes the topic of today's lesson before reading it out loud. "circuits," he announces, "are essentially paths in which electricity can flow."

his voice booms throughout the lecture hall, aided by the microphone he wears on his collar, no doubt providing clear audio for the video as well. it is able to pick up the squeaking of the marker against the board as he draws straight lines representing what you decipher as a battery, wire, and a capacitor, all on the same line starting from the battery and ending at the battery.

'ah, circuits. that's why he said i would like this lesson,' you think as you copy the diagrams and write a few notes as to what the components are while jake continues lecturing with his smooth voice.

"any questions so far?" he asks, glancing around the lecture hall. "no? great."

after more notes on lectures on the different types of circuits, the young lecturer begins covering how to calculate resistance, current, and the like using an example. to you, these calculations are nothing new―rather, this is the basics of your whole major.

"well, if there are no further questions, let's have you all go through an example by yourselves. first one to come up to me with all the correct answers gets a prize from me at the end of class," jake announces. at the sound of an incentive, the whole class including you kick it into gear. immediately pulling out your scientific calculator, you're off to work analyzing the combination circuit of resistors jake had set up for your class as he paces back and forth in front with a notable smirk.

your writing utensil definitely feels the pressure as you hold it tightly, not letting it slip as you carefully write out each calculation, each resistance, and each current in neat lines next to the diagram. when you finish double-checking your work, you let out a deep breath of relief and look around to see everyone still working.

"can i see what you have?" a voice calls to you. it's like deja vu: your head turning to see the familiar face you admired many times during long nights of difficult physics problems and concepts just as you did at the start of lecture. with a blank and dazed look on your face, you can't help but to stare and blink as you hand over your completed exercise.

the youtuber looks it over silently, your heart beating a mile a minute, waiting in anticipation for his thoughts. then, a smile breaks out on his face. "congrats, you're the first one with the correct answers! record timing too, i might add."

"really?" you gasp aloud, causing him to chuckle.

"i'll see you after lecture, mx...?"

"y/n, y/n l/n."

"mx. y/n," he says with a grin before turning away to the front of the lecture hall to announce the end. "it appears we have our winner!"

some groans are heard, making jake chuckle into his mic. "if you couldn't get the answers, your professor will upload up to their website accordingly. i hope you all enjoyed today's lesson, and have a good day!"

as class has ended, there are those who had packed up quickly and already on their feet to get to their next class or just to get out, those that linger behind to wait for their friends or finish packing, and then there's you, packing up slowly only to sheepishly sit in your seat to wait for the rest of your classmates to leave.

once it's mostly clear, you move towards the youtuber who's waiting for you at the professor's usual desk. "i just wanna say..." you start, volume just barely above a whisper before plucking up your courage by speeding up, "thatyouremyfavoritephysicsyoutuberandthankyousosomuchfor—"

"whoa, whoa, slow down there, mx. y/n," he says, immediately standing up from the desk and putting his hands on your shoulders. "take a deep breath before telling me what you wanna say."

"uhm... i just... wanted to say that you're my favorite physics youtuber and..." you trail off, cheeks burning. the sight of him nodding with a grin encourages you to keep going. he whispers an "and?" to you. "and... i really appreciate your videos, so a reward really isn't necessary, your videos and you being here is enough."

"wow, i can't believe you're a longtime student of mine! i'm glad i came here then and got to meet you," he beams. "which means that i really have to give you a reward. how does coffee sound?"

blinking, your heart is lucky to have your mind working for you, because it manages to make you say yes. your eyes behold every detail of the show stopping smile he gives you while the two of you head quickly to a nearby cafe one of his friends recommended.

upon arrival, your nose is filled with the scent of coffee beans and crisp pastries. you let out a happy exhale, which jake finds endearing. he asks you for your order, to which you oblige, before telling you to find a seat. you nod and choose a bar seat that has a wonderful view of the ocean that your campus area has been blessed with.

you're busy wondering how lucky you are to have had physics at such a time that jake sim would teach a lecture for your class and to have been fast enough to finish a detailed problem, when jake returns with two cups of coffee.

he puts one cup in front of you but doesn't take a seat. noticing his frown, you tilt your head to the side to indicate your confusion.

"i apologize, mx. y/n, i would love to stay longer and chat with you, but it looks like my friend jungwon needs me for an emergency," jake melancholically explains.

you frown but shake your head. "it's no problem, mr. sim—"

"jake, please call me jake," he insists.

"j-jake," you stutter, testing the waters. he nods with the same golden retriever energy you're often fond of in videos. "you go ahead, thank you for the coffee."

"i hope to see you around soon or often, mx. y/n," jake says with a winks. he rushes out of the cafe while muttering to himself about how his friend better be in an actual emergency. you chuckle to yourself and pick up the coffee he had bought for you.

swirling the contents, you're about to bring the warm liquid to your lips when you notice writing on the paper sleeve. intrigued, you decide to slip it off and read it, the short letter giving you butterflies.

mx. y/n, i hope it's not too forward to want to call you just y/n and ask you out on a date. call me? xxx-xxx-xxxx jake sim

taglist: @cha-raena okay i'm missing a few people? :( just send me an ask again if i missed you or reply to the masterlist!

[muffindaddystyles]

KISMETS (Part 3)

Harry Styles x Preggs Fem!Reader.

Frenmies to lovers to parents, Dadthon!!H

Oral Smut, dirty talk and teasing.

Angst! Angst and fluff!! N' tooth rotting fluff.

Dadrry, bestie!h, boyfriend!h

Author's Note: The concept's kinda weird but if you've watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Phoebe Buffay carrying child for someone. You've got it my pal!

MASTERLIST PART 1 PART 2 LETS TALK/ ASK

The morning light cocoons them with softness and they don't care if they're sitting in a pool of blood.

"I love you too, so much." She hiccups pacifying down not wanting to never be to able say them again as Harry runs a hand at her back, limbs still tangled with eachother, whispering sweet things to her while Miss. Dori pulled her placenta out, "Y/N?" He panics when she dulls in his arms head lulling at his shoulder and heartbeat slowing down to feeble line. Gently pulling his face out from the cave of her neck he pats her cheek worriedly, again, at her unconscious state, her head dangling back over his wrist, "Y/N!?" His heart squeezing tight miserably into his ribcages when she doesn't respond to his calls.

Or

Harry and Y/N are back being to besties and enjoying being pregnant together.

Warning: Mentions of blood, pregnancy trauma and natural childbirth hurdles.

//

Eyes gives it all. Even the hidden treasures get's looted from the mere mistake of someone's gaze just like right now when he's pretending to be confused as ever, "what? Called her myself . . ." He frowns and she sniffs frozen in her position feeling exposed from the vulnerability of being naked infront of him; tries to cover herself criss-crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why'd you d'that?" She hiccups wiping her blushed nose and his pupils bursts wide into realization. Immediately, cradles her face tenderly stroking the apple of her cheeks shaking his head vigorously, "Oh -— no. no. no baby told her to come over to take her leftover stuff if not I better give it to charity."

"O . . okay." She sucks in a breather. Without a word he removes hers arms away in a gesture that you never need to hide from me. Kisses her shoulder blade stroking her wrists and her pulse in circles.

"Don't cry, lil penguin. Why're ye' cryin'?" He asks in his most gentle voice feathering her cheek with the back of his hand, "'m . . . 'm scared." She tries to recoup her cries holding her breath causing her cheeks to puff like a fish.

"Let's get you cleaned warm and nice. Then we'll talk yeah lovie?" He slides her elbows behind his neck holding her strongly to walk them to his bedroom. Gives her a bath full of vanilla bubbles, essential oils, scrubbed her back and would trail kisses up her belly from under water making her giggle and weave her fingers into his own wet curls.

Him loving all three of them's the most adorable thing.

Got her ready for mid-nap with his sweater and boxers putting fur pads atop her ears, aloe fused socks on her feet and turning the heat a bit to sleepy temperature. Tucks a quilt under their chins and snuggles her closer to himself letting herself calm to his heartbeats before she speaks her heart out to him, "wanna talk? What you're scared of babe tell me all of it. Knows that I'll handle." He slips further into bed bringing her thigh around his torso and her head atop his buff chest.

She exhales loudly trying to subside the emotional feeling of crying along with each word that comes out of her mouth. Her bad habbit of grounding everything to the pit of her stomach until it blasts into a massive destruction always gets her into worst scenarios.

"'M worried about alot of things –- actually." She peeks up at him and he's already looking down at her genuinely with relaxed self to let her know that nothing has changes and he's still her bestfriend who'd wait for her till she manages to speak, "about what?" He encourages her petting down her hair.

"Everything like 'like future . . 'n — me being a good mum after all of that 'm uni too. . . the semester would start right after the month of my delivery." She furls her toes to keep her anxiety at bay level cocooning her womb cause she feels the safest with the assurement of her babies being with her, "about my career and what about me dreams? What if I'll never get to chase 'em?" He listens to her diligently boring his gaze to the way her lips mold with each word. Sighs gently rubbing her arms up and down salutating his palm around the side of her neck to tip her face towards him. His lips lingers at her temple murmuring against it, "Together we're gonna do this."

"You're gonna be the kindest and bestest mommy ever Y/N. I belive in ye' and about your dreams. I'll take care that nothing comes in the way to stop ya . . You'll attend UNI same as before 'cause 'm takin' a break to be with our babies till your done with your degree." He declares to her seriously and honestly running his hand all over her spine to assure her in every way possible, locking his ankles with her under the sheets.

"'M a big boy now! A daddy to two babies don't underestimate me miss gremlin!" He grins impishly smushing his cheeks into her side wide spreading his palm atop her tummy warmly with bare fingers, "'kay gotcha!" She giggles cuddling into him with droopy eyes inhaling the same scent she's lathered in from the sweet spot of his neck.

//

She wakes up in the evening satisfied and happy with the nap marks, sweaty baby hairs, a bit of drool at the corner of her mouth and Harry already awake but still spooning her. He's her pregnancy pillow.

Covers her mouth with his pinky and ring finger when she yawns cutely stretching beneath him slowly blinking. Proper stops with his intense loving gaze still on her and blushes hard when he pecks her dry lips after sleep. Her chest heaves with his kisses and snogs trailing down between the valley of her breasts making her card her fingers through his chocolate curls. Whimpers ever hoarsely raising her hips in air for some friction and to levitate the throb in between her legs asking for him to release the ache away.

He takes the hint scooching closer to her side nudging her knees wide stroking the flesh of her thighs with tickling pinches. She whines fisting sheets with yearning arch of her back, "insatiable lil thing aren't ya?" He gives a toothy grin wetting his lips making her pause in her heave of getting his fingers instead flickering her vision over his candy plush lips.

"Kiss me?" She whispers and how couldn't he when she's looking this soft, warm and full of blush from the nap. He was litreally nutters for not ever pondering over the thought how alluring and attractiveness her satiny features hold, "'course darlin'." He tips her chin towards himself letting her sweet cushiony lips fuse against his's into an ardent kiss shooting her libidos 100 times higher than before making her moan pathetically into his mouth.

Her forearms winding around his shoulders instinctively and exhales through her nose not pulling away from the kiss and squeaks lowly when he bites her lower lip pulling away, "'ve got asthma y'mad mad woman." He gapes down at her dramatically fiddling with the bow of her panties. They skim down to her mound feeling the slickness that has spread all around and the rough trim of hair, "and I've got an extravagant sex drive!" It whisks into a breathy gasp of dense air when he slid his digits in between her slick folds flickering her swollen clitoris and repeating till she's panting for more.

"Sad innit? 'S me fault. I should be the one to help my girl out." He mutters trailing sweet kisses down her swollen belly to her pelvis snapping the elastic with his teeth causing her to jolt under his firm hold. She's too floaty else the statement of him claiming her would have swiped her away into a paradise of never ending imaginations.

"Mhmp. What did ya had fo' lunch lovie'?" He licks her juices off from the inside of her thighs sending intense quivers to her core. His palms smoothes under her thighs to hike them up and over his shoulders nipping at her skin when all she did was responded with a gasp, "d- dunno forgot . ." He perks his brows to his forehead commenting playfully while dipping down to tickle her with his curls.

"Pregnancy made ye' loose your braincells, moppet?" She raises her hand to smack him at head instead tugs his hair when for finally he flattens his tongue thickly against her wet cunt to give a good mind boggling lick sucking her clitoris in the way, "asshole. . ." She moans squirming like leaf under him but he quites her by taking her sensitive nub between his teeth to give a little graze and pull. It makes her pussy lips flutter and her hole leak with so much wetness it sticks to Harry's chin.

"H – ha . . rry. Harry." She tries to grind her hips against his mouth but he tuts brushing his pads around her dripping hole to tease her, "yes baby?" Groans of annoyance fills the room and she shoves her face into the pillow bitting down the snarky insults thrown at the curly head.

"Not gonna give ye' me fingers till you ask fo' it." He smooches wet filthy kisses letting her stickiness coat his lips stirring a ball of fire in her pit, "shut up." She whines nudging him with her knee telling him to do something to relax her.

"Make me." He smirks tilting his head to suck her petal fold creating dirty seductive noises on purpose. She huffs taking the matters into her hands pulling him up towards her by a hard grip onto his hair, "ouch ouch!!" He quips shutting his eyes tight.

"Harry Styles you make me cum or I'm never letting you fuck me ever." She glares him and he gives out a defeated sigh naughtiness still lurking in his moss of irises, "bossy – kay! Sorry! Was kiddin' babe. 'M all here to please ye'." She nods her head curtly shoving him back down and he giggles at her when in an instant from an angry lil penguin she melted into a mush of gooe when Harry thrusted two fingers at once inside her curving them once they were buried snug deep.

"Yes. Yes. Yes." She gasps moving her hips along him that he stayed in his place eating her out while his fingers pushed in and out of her tight pussy with squelching noises, "fuckin' tight urghh." He grits rubbing her clit into harsh circles with his other hand, mouth on her cunt and fingers fucking her continuously.

"Want more?" He asks and she bobs her head not even processing what he said almost loosing the idea of her presence feeling too much ecastasy and over the clouds, "here take as much as ye' want baby." He slips another third finger admiring the way her pussy stretches swallowing his fingers, "'m gonna lick your little wet cunt off then clean it with me filthy tongue to make a mess of ye' all over again filling you full with me cock. Sounds good baby?" He knows she's the shy lil bean and his sweet enthusiastic words of vulgarism heats her up enough.

"Gonna come. Harry --" She tips her head down and back in air eyes rolling into her sockets. Harry rubs her outer thighs soothing her thrashing body, "shhh baby relax. You can cum on me fingers." She obliges him softening in his arms and her pussy makes soppy noises gushing with each wave of pleasure throbbing around his digits while he works her out to make her feel as giddy as he could, "That's it baby girl. That's it cum fo' me again?" He prods at the sponge of bump inside her seething through her twitching walls making it impossible for him to pull out and tent his cock against the bed leaving a spot of how turned on he's at the moment.

But, his first-most priority is her. It always was her maybe more than Chessie

"Happy my lil lioness?" He comes back on top of her arms digged on either side of her temple and she tries to squint from one eye pulling him to herself planting a rewarding kiss at his cheek, "how 'bout a pizza from Tommy's place?" He lays ontop of her (like half ontop of her and half on his side; just to share her warmth).

"Can I have an extra topping of olives, pretttyy pleaseee?" She makes a weird funny face to convince him, "but you're allergic to 'em." He frowns sitting up thumb hovering over the contacts popping on the screen. He has everything memorized she's allergic to; it's not much peanuts, olives and clay dough ( she claims that she ate it once when she was possibly 5 and it swelled her flesh up ) not that she's gonna nip at it now but Harry couldn't trust her cravings at all.

"But 'm craving them sooo baddd." She clutches the hem of his tattered shirt pouting but he retorts with the shake of his head intervining their fingers together to kiss her knuckles, "Nope moppet. We don't need another hospital visit at fou' in the morning like last time, do we?" She remembers it. A very angry Chessie at his doorsteps while he helped her walk inside this home post hospital visit.

"I hate this." She huffs folding her arms against her chest, "I know. How about we delay getting y'sick once babies are out?"

"You kidding?" Her mouth slacks turning into a widespread grin at last, "absolutely not. Pizza without olives yeah?" He smacks a kiss against her open mouth loudly before his phones rings at the pizza place.

//

Harry's the busy bee. From grocery shopping to making the list of all the organic food he needs to line up his pantry with, he took everything's responsibility on himself. Cause mama has a huge duty for wrapping two babies in her womb safe and heated. Even when she tries to bend down to put a plate in dishwasher he skates near her supporting her back and scolding her, "all you've t'do is eat and nap. Dunno fucks count 'cause we fuck alot — chill sweet baby. 'switch onto telly 'm bringing banana milk and cookies." She pouts because she doesn't want to be a burden on him. She wants to suspect any tiredness from his features — the way he's been on his trippy toes for her from eight and half months but how much she tries she couldn't instead he looks way more giggly and joyful than before with never ending dad jokes and teasing bum pats.

They indeed fuck alot. Harry loves that she's always sleepy and clingy — he thinks he's truly, deeply and madly in love with his lil penguin but they're in the middle of train's track whose destination is atlast confession of love but he wants to wait. He can't wait though. He's always been impatient and light from stomach can't sleep at night without sharing a word of his swimming thought with anyone. He shared it with Nialler, it was at three in the morning after Y/N sucked his cock dry with so much admiration for his prick he was bout to cry and blurt out but he didn't. Cuddled with her and oreo practically on his face then ringed his lad startling him up, "why did ya wake me up fo' something we all already know Harold? Do I've to teach ya lessons cause now that would be a shame to your kiddos." He grunted dropping the call leaving Harry baffled and alone to his thoughts again.

"Sweet angel . . " He cooes jarring the door to his room with his foot. She has moved in to his house, from guest room to his room and his heart. Told him she didn't like sleeping alone and gets the most amazing slumber squished up against his chest in his arms. He was ardent that she completes him. He's right. She does. Always had but this time it's till they're getting old and wrinkly.

Lilac walls glow from the telly's illumination and the flicker of light from their open wardrobe. His ears perks at a repulsive groan and his brows dips to tune into the situation, "what are ye' doin', pet?" He asks confused at the sight of Y/N in a funny position with a razor in her hand standing in the middle of their wardrobe trying to duck and see through her huge bump.

"'M tryin' to shave me legs — seems impossible though." She throws her head back to convey her annoyance and Harry chuckles placing the banana milk and the plate of dark chocolate cookies atop the drawer island taking her wrist which's holding onto the razor, "you don't 'ave to it's just a maternity shoot –- no biggie, moppet." She huffs. Their faces at level and intimately close to have a good stare in eachother's eyes.

"No biggie!? it's the first time I'll get to have someone take me pictures, all, personally fo' me." Her smile pouty as she tries not to break her disgruntled facade down.

"How 'bout the times, I was a victim of ye'r endless pictures taking sessions?" He squints down at her. Hands out of instinct fumbling by her sides to feel her warmth on his skin, "you were sooo shittt at that job."

"Kay, kay then, lemme just –- hand this razor, I'll shave ye'r legs pretty girl." Happily she shoves it in his grip while he knees down hiking her leg ontop of his knee. His pink tongue popping out in concentration. She trusts him in this because last time he was the one to shave herdown there. Taking a sip of her banana milk she taps the straw against his lips speaking, "a bestie in need is a bestie indeed." With his eyes on her ankle and his pretty hands which could make her come infinite times right now working so diligently, He gives her a high five taking a sip himself.

She breaks a cookie forwarding it to Harry and he looks up — so being all dramatic she acts shy and blushy turning her gaze away in a swift, "what baby?" He laughs putting her other foot on his knee his grip tight around her ankle.

"Don't stare at me calves like that you creep." He wipes away the crumbs from his lips giggling and making her giggle, "I've literally shaved your cooch days before." She jabs her big-toe against his nipple getting a high pitched squeak from a grown ass man in return.

"I hate you!" She says through the spurt of chuckles and his response in return turned both of them silent, "I know ye' love me." Their cheeks blazed. Eyes twinkling. Hearts doing lil dance dance but nobody from them tries to break the comforting silence knowing they'd word vomit the instant they'd.

They say "I love you." And "love you." in their normal routines without making it a mess of shyness. But the butterflies at that specific moment when the epiphany dawns on the pair that they really are in love with eachother makes their tummies float in void with butterflies.

"All done!" He announces enthusiastically kissing her knee like she's a princess in distress and the words burns at the plush of her lips, "love you."

"You too, lil penguin." He smiles boyishly.

"Oh fuck, I forgot we're gonna have shoot in our pyjamas." She yells in a low hum and he rolls his eyes slapping her ass, "rotten you're."

"Oopsies."

//

A maternity shoot in their back garden along oreo never seemed this fun when they were gushing about it days prior. Nialler gifted them cute baby pink coloured matching pyjamas with yellow peaches pattern, mommy and daddy embroidered on them. They even matched some fluffy kitten hats too!! A pair of yellow and pink with kitten ears with goggly eyes, big cheshire that of Oreo.

Their close friend Onna was all up for the shoot and nothing's more adorable than Harry's soft hands around Y/N's belly in a protective way, while they sat on the fluffy growing grass and cotton flowers. Her back resting against his taught chest, his legs wrapped on either side of her and oreo almost stretching atop her bump quenching loud belly ache laughs from them.

"Two pictures 'n 'm already tiredd, pff." She gasps shuffling a little to activate her sore bum and Harry pecks her shoulder cutely, "some more 'cause you'll grump later." Onna captures each every second of their tooth rotting interaction.

"Oi. I'll not!!" To avoid a banter Harry taps her chin pointing towards the camera speaking, "last one doll, one to show that we really are pregnant." Onna's laughing at their techniques. Shaking her head with each shot of overloaded sweetness she traps in her camera.

"I. Am. Indeed. Pregnant. Pet." She looks down with wide eyes rubbing her prodding tummy in circles, the top button litreally about to pop and Harry's face adorns with a naughty grin showing his bunny teeth, "Me too!!" He squeals rubbing his moth covered belly the same way she's doing and it sent both girls into fits of laughters.

"Sillllyyyyy." She sing-songs throwing an arm around the nape of his neck to bring him closer and smooch a loving kiss to his cheek, "you're gonna be the best dad." She whispers eyes closing into the diameter of his scent and he rests his lips against her forehead. Onna having a smile of adoration for her friends while she did her job, laying down to capture this one beautifully.

"Yeah?" His voice just audible to them. "Uhmm." She nods fiddling with the collar of his pyjamas and their bubbles pops when oreo tugs at Y/N's top revealing her graceful babies bump.

"You batty creature!!" She tries to grab oreo to smoosh her in her arms but oreo gallops miles away before it could happen.

//

The whole last night Y/N couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning with whines of complaints to a snoring Harry on her side. When Harry woke up she was already staring him like an owl scaring the poor thing, cause it wasn't a loving one. It was a proper creeping stare with baggy eyes and pouty lips, "can we have 'em out already?" She snuggles into his throat and he massages her head.

"In a week." He grogs out stroking his cheek against her's, "Have ya taken out all the required papers?" He asks her and she nods with a yawn. Today's the enrollment day for Y/N's next semester -- Harry will go to her UNI to talk to the administration instead of her.

"I'll be back in no time, till then try havin' a good rest, want some donughts from that one shop near ye'r UNI?" He thumbs at her baby locks. She shakes her head murmuring into his flimsy sweat shirt, "not feeling like it." Dunno what happened. She was alright after for finally her sickness went away but today she feels like shit because of her Braxton hicks climbing to painful peak.

Kissing her head last time he untangles himself to get ready and she watches him buttoning up his cuffs with his curl dangling over his eyes, he's looking handsome and a bit too out of her league with the crisp white shirt and chequered trousers.

He squats down pecking her lips. Her nostrils filling with cinnamon ocean-y smell soothing the tick of her nerves. Her body reacting to even the air pricking at her skin, "don't miss me too much, lil penguin." He gives her an eskimo kiss knowing she's feeling down and tired today the way she has her face squished into pillow and isn't trying even to cup his cheeks like she does everytime he leaves for something.

He puts her phone on the nightstand tugging her under the sheets, switching off the lamp and slowly exists the room not to disturb her. She doesn't know when he leaves but the pin-drop silence tells it all and she's half conscious half awake with fluttering eyelids.

She turns on her back with a groan to get rid of the dull ache in her pelvis and outer thighs — but then she feels something . . . . something wet between down there and it makes her snap open her eyes blinking blankly at the ceiling. Tries not to think of bad scenarios but it's otherwise.

"Holy cow of jesus." She fists the pillow under her sitting up with much difficulty and to her worst horrors the sheets are sploched badly. She stands up with her spine almost bending in two — staying calm and positive even when a heavy gush of water trickles down her legs soaking the rug. It has nothing attractive in it as they show in movies but rather feels like a dam leaking and a litreal adult peeing in their gowns.

She snatches the phone from nightstand putting a firm arm beneath her belly walking out of room, her maternity floral white gown clinging to her skin. A tinge of shock weaved through her bones but that didn't made her loose her balance. She wants to throw the phone against the wall when the line always beeps busy, "already missin — " his honey of voice bringing tears in her eyes.

"Get your ass back home!! Right fuckin' now!" She yells into speaker trudging forward with carefull steps. He pushes onto breaks hard, panicking into his seat, "What happened!?" He's quick in turning gears speeding back home. Her lips wobbles blue from pain and the unbearable throb between her thighs. Words struck in her throat as she tries to speak gripping the globe of stair railing leaning against it when a hard contraction striked against her spine.

"'M going into labour — " Harry's heart falls into his arse. His vision blurring from the intensity of the moment and he's thanking Gods for being five minute drive away from home. How many times they prepared for this time it all went in vain and now Harry's beating himself for leaving her side at all, "'m comin' home, it's okay baby, it's okay breath." His lips stammers from an invisible fear and fingers twitches around the wheel.

Wanted to shout at him "breath, my ass." Instead She gasps loudly in fright when she feels her cervix dilating to the maximum point and it did the last fireworks for her tears, "no, no, noo!!"

"'M giving birth!!" She shouts kissing her teeth together to keep the pain at the bay hooking a thumb into her panties, scrunching her dress up to press them under her armpits and squatting down with the heels of her palms pressed with so much strength over the last stair case, "what? oh my — 'm calling our midwife." She can feel a head trying to force it's way out from her vagina and it rakes out a sob from her chest.

"Please be gentle with mommy, 'm coming." Harry says and it comes out as a weak whisper while he drives sitting on the edge of the seat and Y/N's ears are ringing with white noise to even pay attention to what he's saying. Her gown drenching with sweat and she screamed at the top of her lungs pushing with her all might scaring a sleepy oreo in her bassinet, "Shit." He mutters tugging his curls back immediately calling their midwife. He wishes his babies could atleast wait for him to be there with their momma.

"Miss. Dori !! Y/N has gone into labour, 'm out, dunno —---" There's loud urgent shuffling on her side that of picking stuff and closing metal boxes as she assures Harry with firmness, "I'll be there in just 10 minutes, till then reach there as quick as possible. She needs you Mr. Styles." It collects sweat at the dip of his spine sky rocketing his anxiety. His breath elevating at the sight of his society's gate and if it was possible he'd have flown to her.

Parking hastily on the side of road and leaving his car's door open — dishelved he steps outside almost falling square on his face while the old couple that use to sit at their porch in mornings watch him with concern, "Is everythin' alright son?"

They ask and Harry nods yelling to them, "Y/N is in labour!!" His face blowing out of any color when his ears fills with painful screams of his lil penguin and his fingers jumbles with keys unlocking the door.

It's surreal. The realization not completely setting in that all of this's happening right at this moment, that he's going to be a daddy in some hours, Y/N hunched over the bottom stair squatting down with thighs wide apart and her gown soaked against her back. His breath knocks out of his lungs and eyes bursts into shock when he sees his baby's head pushing it's way out in between her legs.

"I can see it's head! I can see it's head oh m'godness." He announces rushing towards her and Miss. Dori guides him, "Harry help her pull it out, cup the baby's head and if it's shoulders are grab-able, have it out." He places the phone atop the stair sitting down beside Y/N kissing the side of her head quickly wiping her tears away.

"Hi baby, it'll be alright, 'm here now let's pull our bubba out mighty quick." He presses his chest to floor to look down there and if Y/N would have been in her good state of mind she'd have butt him in not to. His brows kinks tightly together as he tries to concentrate and not to pass out from the sight of blood and his blood covered infant half hanging in it's mother's v.

Gently he wraps his shivering palm around it's head and shoulder moreso figuring out if it could itself comes out, "push a bit more, moppet." She shakes her head furiously crying and trying with all her will, "It's hurts!!" He wishes the process wasn't that painful.

"I know, I know baby —- oh okay okay! We got him." He cackles through his worry taking him all out and in his arms having a good grip around it's tiny waist fearing it would slip. Y/N takes a huge sigh of relief muscles loosening and shoulders slumping. She could hear him sniffing close to her with little noises despite of how much she wants to hug him, she still has another one to bring out in the world.

"It's Elios." He grins with ablazed glossy eyes stroking his tweeny baby hair back. Though his excitement shatters into pieces as he cries to Miss. Dori, "He's not breathin, n'--not breathin' what do I do??" He has switched into his fight and flight mode. Fat tears spilling down his cheeks. Y/N wants to have him in her arms and make sure her baby's healthy but a hard contraction makes her bones jello with her another baby trying to pop out.

"Calm down Mr. Styles, Is his cord wrapped 'round his neck?" When Harry couldn't mutter a single word just shaking his head ear to ear staring down his little one with fear and sadness, Y/N screams for him, "No!!"

"It's nothin', clean his nose, it's probably some clotting blocking his breathing passage." Harry acts on her instruction without wasting a time and the threshold's walls bounced with prattle of his low coarse cries, "Oh my god!!" Harry gasps holding his baby boy closer to his chest not giving two fucks if his shirt and skin stains with thick blood.

In the meantime Miss. Dori and her assistant nurse tramps through their door. Cutting the cord Nurse takes Elios from Harry's arms and takes him for a cleanup as Harry leads her to their nursery. When he comes back Miss. Dori has their other bubba already out and it's worth watching him flying into clouds of paradise, full of glee, happiness, so much happiness has never experienced before.

"Hi. Victoria." He keeps his voice soft if she's a chinese porcelain doll and would break in his arms. He loves his son to core but the way his heart just swirled with fondness and love for his daughter the second she was layed into his embrace was something else. He's tender with her and from just gazing her it spurt out a sob from the deepest of his tummy, "she was so stubborn to come out rather than his brother." Miss. Dori tells him and his head perks up with proud adoration. Handing her to nurse he turns his gaze back to his exhausted lil penguin leaning against the wall now. And scoots closer to his bestfriend, the love of his life and the mother of his babies.

Hugging her warmly and affectionately, winding his arm around the nape of her neck to smoosh her into his chest while she cries against his throat. Being tender and the softest yet sweetest he could be with her, pressing his lips against her ear to whisper words that made her cry even more loudly into his bicep, "I love you, I love you more than anythin' in the world, 'm s' soo proud of ye' baby, me soulmate and the love of me life. I promise to love you forever and infinity." The world blurs around them and their heartbeats latches to sync in with eachother. The morning light cocoons them with softness and they don't care if they're sitting in a pool of blood, mess of the beautiful birth of their gorgeous twins.

"I love you too, so much." She hiccups pacifying down not wanting to never be able say them again as Harry runs a hand at her back, limbs still tangled with eachother, whispering sweet things to her while Miss. Dori pulled her placenta out, "Y/N?" He panics when she dulls in his arms head lulling at his shoulder and heartbeat slowing down to feeble a line. Gently pulling his face out from the cave of her neck he pats her cheek worriedly, again, at her unconscious state, her head dangling back over his wrist, "Y/N!?" His heart squeezing tight miserably into his ribcages when she doesn't respond to his calls.

"'M listenin', pet." She whispers smiling weakly and Harry's lungs nourishes with air, "Scared me baby love." He hugs her again with a wobbling pout and this time she tries to console him.

"Y'okay baby? Should we go to hospital? It's better if —--"

"'M okay!!" She simpers kissing the dip of his collarbone. Carefully he smoothes an arm down her back and knees picking her up bridal style to take her to their bathroom for a hot nice bath full of essential oils. He caress her face, trailing his knuckles down her cheeks, gazing her fondly while sitting down on the floor beside her with his one hand inside the warm water to lull around her calves.

"I love you, you've given me such beautiful babies. 'Ave ye seen Tori ? She's a proper you, that lil bunny mouth of yours, aish." He giggles and she squeezes his fingers in a silent gesture to tell him how happy she's. Drying her clean with a towel and moisturizing her body, making her wear her comfortable gown.

When he tucks her under sheets she babbles with droopy eyelids and tired body, "can I see my babies?" He smauches a kiss against her forehead, "After a teeny rest, yeah angel?" But, she was already out like a bulb making him chuckle softly.

//

Miss. Dori left the kind nurse behind with them till Y/N wakes up and with her help Harry lays down the twins on either side of their mommy. Deeply pondering how lucky he's to have his family completed and healthy, tucked into their mother's armpits.

He giggles and holds his breath in awe when Elio wriggles in his blanket, scootes his bum closer when Y/N yawns and stretches, "how ye' feelin'?" He brushes her loose tresses back and she nods attempting to sit up.

"Good." Thanking him when he gets comfy amount of pillows behind her, "wanna hold them?" He asks as she ducks down to kiss both of their soft skins.

"'M arms are still shakin' . ." She chuckles, "no biggie, I'll help ya out, a bestie in need is a bestie indeed." She giggles loudly startling Tori and Harry hushes her comically scooching behind her embracing her in a heated wrap from behind chin resting over her shoulder, "shh, gotta be quite with this one — such a light sleeper bub."

"This's Victoria Anne Styles and Elios Vincent Styles." He supports her one forearm with his's under: giving Elio to her and having Tori in his other, "are you presenting them to me as some kind of award for my bravery, pet?" She nudges him playfully and he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Such nice awards, innit?" He gives her an eskimo kiss and she puckers her lips asking for a loving smooch of his candy lips, "absolutely."

//

They took their first nap together with Harry and Y/N on either side of bed with their babies in the middle of their warmth just like a nest of sparrows, safe, comfy and utterly snuggly with the couple protecting their dainty creatures of soft flesh from the storms of outside.

"C'mere baby . . " Harry usheres Oreo with the snap of his thumb as she tries to canoodle into the soles of his feet tickling him and she obliges his tone, "Good girl . ." His own voice tired petting her crown when she turns into a lil ball of fur beside Tori who's sleeping at her daddy's side, being ever hesitant and carefull with them making Harry smile at her thinking of giving her treats in dinner.

He almost slips from under the sheets when a shriek of cry jolts him awake and it's Tori crying loudly thrashing under the blanket while her brother kept on sleeping stretched over his mommy's chest, head tucked under her chin.

Ah! Here comes the real deal. Daddy Harry's about to face real challenges 'cause we all know he once promised that he's a big boy now, innit?

[is-nini]

Albedo x reader

Highschool

A/n: have an idea, think that this will be sweet, watch me but butcher the story but enjoy anywaaeeee 😂 also as you can see, art by hanapen XD.

You sigh in dream like state at a certain Alchemist man in your class, his cream hair is so fluffy and healthy, his blue eyes... You can drown in them for all you care, one thing is sure about you though you are deeply In love with this man.

Some people say that you're too young to grasp the concept of "Love" and well.. that is certainly true to some people but for you, if this thing is truly just a crush how can it be this bad?

If this is just a crush how can you feel the need to wanna be beside him? If this feeling is just a Simple crush over a guy in school then why is it this strong?

A question you asked yourself and don't know the answer of just like the question that the teacher was about to ask you.

"l/n, can you answer question number 13?".

You immediately stand straight up, making a loud screeching noise because of the chair and the floor, you nervously smile and tries to count the solution on the board.

"u-uhm.. sixteennnnn?".

You asked back, elongated the "en" on the word sixteen, the teacher nod and a huge relief is being lifted up, as usual you sat down look over your crush and saw that he is looking at you, his hand right hand is resting on top of the table and his cheek rest on his palm as his gaze glazed over yours. Your face went instantly red as you keep your gaze on him, not knowing what to do.

Albedo giggle and put a thumbs up as if saying "good job".

You Can't help but feel butterfly all over your stomach. You nod your head up and down as fast as you could and then quickly look away. Gosh you feel like a mess.

Without you knowing, Albedo thinks that you are a cutie. The way your face would go red whenever you saw him, the way you're doing all the calculation inside your head, the way you walk, and oh he could go on and on.

Albedo never understood the concept of "crush" or "Love" he never really learn about this stuff unless necessary. So he is surprised when he felt funny in his stomach whenever he looks at you, he felt warm on his insides whenever he thinks of you. What is this feeling he felt? It felt... Good but it's so foreign to him.

Despite all the love letters he got per day that he looks through just trying to see your name throws away, he doesn't understand this.. thing. Albedo is a man of theory and since feelings is not part of the brain rather than the heart, he rarely takes his heart seriously.

Well he always have sucrose, maybe he can ask her about it after class is over.

And as if his situation is in luck, the bell suddenly rang, the teacher said a couple of words before dismissing the class.

The students instantly runs out of the class, some of them are waving at you, some of them goes instantly to their group of friends.

Albedo stays in the classroom for a while to look at you opening your bento and was preparing to eat. He don't know what came over him but his legs are leading him towards you.

You felt a presence beside you and so you look up just to see your crush. WHAT IS HE DOING ON YOUR TABLE. your mind is freaking out, every sound is blocked out of your ear, the only thing you can hear is the huge thumping of your heart.

"hello y/n".

"h-hai albedo".

You greets him back, mentally slapping yourself for stuttering. Albedo almost giggle at you cute stutter but keeps his composure instead.

"you seem to be eating alone? Would you like to join me and Suceose?".

He asked you, at first you're happy about it but after hearing "Sucrose" your heart just drops to your stomach.

Oh yeah ... Sucrose is his best friend.. they're always togather outside class.. Albedo probably likes her and just felt bad for you eating alone.. your negative thoughts starts swirling in your head as you forgot all about the question Albedo asked.

Albedo saw your face drops and you spacing out, he furrowed his eyebrow and puts the both of his hand on your shoulder and shake you gently.

"y/n?".

His deep calm voice snaps you out of your negatif trance, you quickly smile up at him and gave him a nod.

"sure".

✨✨✨

Sitting down at the chair beside Sucrose and Albedo you eat your bento quietly and slowly, feeling nervous being around Sucrose. You've never talked to her before but you certainly has heard her name before, how could you not? She's always with Albedo. Your heart crunch with jealousy everytime you think about both of them spending time togather.. you wish you were Sucrose.

Sucrose felt a tense aura from you, while Albedo is just calmly eating his food, looking pretty calm and collected. Sucrose clears her throat, catching yours and Albedo attention.

"so, is this your girlfriend that you have been talking about Albedo?".

You almost choke on your chiken. Girlfriend?! What?!

"u-uhm.."

You were about to say something when Albedo suddenly cuts you off, maybe he didn't heard you, your voice does sounds like a whisper of wind.

"yes, she is the girl that i have been talking about".

Sucrose looks at you and smile softly, she offers you her hand which you shake back with no hesitation.

"hello, I'm Sucroce, nice to meet you!".

"hello Sucroce I'm y/n, it's a pleasure to meet you too".

Despite you being jealous of Sucroce, she is a nice person... That's why Albedo choose her probably.. no stop! Stop thinking about them.

You smile at her as you both pull away. Albedo scoot over to Sucroce and whisper to her about something, she nod a couple of times before coughing at the end. She looks at you and smile sweetly and then it's her turn to whisper to Albedo about something. After they're both are done Albedo's face looks slightly flushed while Sucroce looks so satisfied.

"so.. i need to go.. you and Albedo have fun okay y/n~".

She said, making your face as red as mr. Diluc's hair. Albedo clears his throat making you looks at him in wonder. Albedo smile softly at you and hold one of your shoulder.

"i just found a very beautiful place and think that you might want to see it.., care to join me after school?"

He asked, you face is shocked but you quickly nod your head excited.

"s-sure i would love too".

Albedo puts his hand on your head and stroke your head gently, pushing away some of your hair that was covering your face.

"great, I'll wait for you after school".

Albedo giggle seeing your awe struck face, your eyes shine so bright.. and your smile is the smile that he wants to see everyday... Just for himself..

🌟🌟🌟

The bell rings meaning the end of the class is finally here. You never concentrate on anything that the teacher said, you're too busy admiring the scenario that could happen when you're and Albedo were alone later.. gosh your imagination is so wide..

Being drowned in your imagination, you didn't notice the man that you're dreaming of is right beside you.

"y/n?"

His voice snapped you out of your trance and you clumsily stands up, making Albedo holds your hand.

"becareful, you could get hurt. What are you pondering about?"

He asked, you just shake your head and say "nothing" there no way you would say oh i was dreaming about you and i no! That's not okay.

Albedo laugh and helps you pack your books inside your bag, you quickly stopped him but it was too late. His next action really surprises you, he pick up your backpack and then takes your hand gently.

"w-wait- Albedo- i can bring my backpack".

You said, face red as your hands tries to reach you back, but Albedo quickly pull it away from your grasp, laughing.

"it's fine y/n. Let's go shall we?"

He guided you to the exit of the school, people are looking at you and Albedo, some whisper and gossip goes around the school.. well.. you'll be the talk of the school now... You're hand in hand.. with Albedo.. the cleverest and the most beautiful man in the school.

You looked down to the ground, Albedo felt something and so he looked behind to check on you, he saw you looking down as if trying to cover your face with your hair. Albedo stopped walking in the middle of the gate and held your chin up, really causing a scene.. YOU'RE AMAZING ALBEDO BUT- PLEASE BE MORE DISCREET you scream inside your brain.

"are you okay? Are you sick? Your face has been red..."

He asked you as if you're both are not in the middle of the gate where everyone is looking at the both of you as if you're both an idol.

"A-Albedo.."

You whisper, he finally realized how close he is, he clears his throat and take a step back, looking away.

"my apologies".

You saw how guilty he looks.. you feel bad so you slowly grab his hand, he slowly intertwine his fingers to yours, feeling comfort in your touch.

Albedo guide you to the place he talks about which is on the nearby hill. The walk there is so quiet, the wind is blowing pass your hair as you enjoy the wind not realizing that you're companion is stealing glances at you- he can't help it.. you're so.. pretty.. magistic.. someone that he cares so much..

"Albedo?"

You asked, you keep feeling his eyes on you, so you wonder is there something on your face or something? You hope you didn't get any food or dust on your face... It would be embarrassing..

"yes?"

"is there something on my face?".

You tilted your head, Albedo closes his mouth with the back of his hand and look away.

"nothing.. were here".

Albedo state, you look up the hill and saw a pretty silver tree, you gasp as your eyes twinkle.

"it's pretty right? I thought you might like it".

"like it? I love it Albedo!!! Thankyou!"

You squeal and hugs him and kiss his cheek, being overly excited you cannot control your emotions. Albedo is shocked by your act but hugs you back again.

"glad you love it.. actually.. y/n i wanna ask you something.."

You pull away, still not realizing your act that you did just now and looks at him with full curiousity.

"yes? What is it?"

Albedo took a step toward you and clears his throat.

"would you like to be my.. girlfriend?"

His words makes your eyes wide as a saucers and you stare at him with wide gaping eye your mouth open and close, Albedo looks so heart broken, taking your silence as a no, before he said anything you quickly cuts him off.

"yes.. YES!"

You squeal and hugs him again heart full of butterflies and flowers, filled with ice cream and cherry- basically just everything nice. Albedo seems happy too because right now, without you noticing is currently kissing your lips, without thinking you kiss him back with a smile on your face as he slowly pulls away.

Albedo takes your hand and kiss it as you giggle away. Albedo smile softly at you, looking at you in content, his heart is so content because of the feeling you you becoming his. Tomorrow will be a good day.

[txmxdachi]

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Song: dandelions by ruth b

You were in over your head, your final exams were next week, apartment rent was due tomorrow, and the cafe was in the weeds today. Being one of the only three baristas working this shift didn't make anything easier either. Quickly calling your friend, you put it in one wireless earbud and continued to prep the coffees.

"Hey bestie..."

“Yes y/n?”

"Study with me?"

You could  hear her sigh from the other end of the call. Soon papers rustled and you knew your friend had given in.

"What behaviors are included in psychology?"

Grabbing the hazelnut syrup, you pumped it twice into the coffee in front of her. Careful not to spill it, you walked over to the young man and gave it to him.

"One's actions, feelings, and thoughts."

"Okay. What is dualism?"

Quickly noticing the new group of customers, you rush back to the counter to finish the drinks already ordered.

"The concept that the mind and body are separate."

"What did John Watson believe about conduct?"

"He believed that all behavior was the result of conditioning."

Your latte art usually looked precise, but it was a bit sloppy today. Sighing, you waited for the next question.

"Definition of behaviorism."

"Emphasizes the dominance of heredity over the environment."

After delivering the latte, you rushed over to the new table.

"Dissociative Amnesia."

I see forever in your eyes

"Hi I'm y/n l/n I'll be your server today. can I start you off with a drink?" Pulling out the notebook, you pondered over the textbook definition.

"y-y/n?" someone repeated your name.

I feel okay when I see you smile

"yes. now can I start off you with a drink?" This question was frustrating you. Wasn't it a dissociative disorder?

"I'll have an espresso"

"Cappuccino please"

"Cold brew"

Wishing on dandelions all of the time

You gasped and they turned to look at you. "The sudden and extensive inability to recall important personal information. Usually after extreme stress or trauma."

"Correct again. Are you sure you don't already have it in the bag?"

"Fine, we'll study when I get home. Bye."

Praying to God that one day you'll be mine

You hung up the phone and noticed their lingering stare and quickly apologized. Jotting down their drinks on the empty page, you handed them the brochure

Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time

"Okay, here's the bakery items I'll be right over with your drinks."

I think that you are the one for me

Pulling out the glass cups from the back, you quickly got started by brewing the coffee. Taking that time to find the coffee that was pressed overnight. You strained it and poured some into the cup then grabbed a tray to place it on. After making the other two drinks, you carried the tray over to the table.

"Here are your drinks..."

'Cause it gets so hard to breathe

You looked up and realized that there were four people sitting there, but only three drinks on the tray.

When you're looking at me

"I'm sorry did I forget a drink or did one of you just not order? My head has been everywhere."

The young man with blue hair spoke up. "It is not your fault ms l/n, my friend here has not ordered."

You let out a breath, you thought you were losing it there for a second. Taking this time to actually look at them seated at this table, you realized that they were her age.

I've never felt so alive and free

"I don't mean to sound rude, but are you guys third years?"

A brunette girl spoke up cheerfully. "Yeah! We are! I'm guessing your one too?"

When you're looking at me

You nodded in return. "What school do you guys go to?"

"U.A" The blue haired boy spoke up again in pride. Your eyes darkened and one of them noticed.

"Ah. So you're hero course students I believe?"

They nodded in return.

"I'm Uraraka."

"Todoroki"

"Tenya Iida."

Your eyes brightened for a fraction of a second when those names seemed familiar. Quickly pulling out your notepad once again.

I’ve never felt so alive and free

"Nice to meet you. Would you guys like a bakery item? Or a drink?" Directing the last question at the boy who had not spoken up.

When you were met with silence from him, you turned to Todoroki.

"I'll have a strawberry shortcake."

"Tiramisu please."

When you're looking at me

"Which Mochi is the best here?"

You smiled and leaned in closer to the girl. "You didn't hear it from me, but the matcha one is the only one worth eating."

Uraraka beamed at you and nodded. "I'll take the matcha mochi then."

You gave one last look at the silent boy and walked back to the counter. The moment you stepped away however, they pounced on him.

"Deku are you okay?"

"You do not look well."

He quickly waved his hands in front of his face but quickly his face dropped. "I'm okay. It's just... her name is the same as someone I used to know, but she looks way different..."

I've never felt so happy

"Maybe it's a coincidence."

"Yeah... maybe." He was lost in thought, but his eyes remained staring at you behind the counter.

"Was it an old friend?"

"More than that. She was my best friend."

"What happened?" They were genuinely curious, but they didn't want to pry.

"One day we just stopped talking for some reason..."

"That seems like a dumb reason to stop a friendship. There's always something going on behind the scenes." You just appeared by the table holding four plates.

"Strawberry shortcake" you said and handed it Todroki. "Tiramisu" Iida expressed his thanks. "Matcha mochi." Winking, you handed it to Uraraka.

"Deku right? I just brought you some dango. On the house. Didn't want you to starve alone."

"How'd you know he likes dango?" Uraraka asked as Izuku accepted the dango gratefully. 

"I didn't. He just," you paused and examined his face, "reminds me of," you trailed off and Uraraka leaned forward.

"An old friend?" She guessed, eyes twinkling.

"You could say that." Your heart clenched as you remembered her old crush. More than a crush, your old love.

Todoroki's eyes narrowed. "What was his name?"

You looked at him in confusion, "why the sudden questioning?"

You also noticed that 'Deku' was now shuffling in his seat. He quickly excused himself and went off to the bathroom. Your eyes followed him.

"What was his name?" He asked again, this time his eyes glimmered in recognition.

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime

"Midoriya," she sadly smiled, "Izuku Midoriya."

And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine

[princebugs]

A meeting with Niles.

Quivering digits rub and scratch at the back of his own neck, goosebumps rising as his eyes shift from corner to corner. He swallows, the nervous lump in his throat dissipating for only mere moments before quickly arising once more. His movements remain shaky, and shifty. He feels nervosa creeping up his spine leisurely, causing his hyperactivity to skyrocket. Remaining still is no easy task.

The male can almost discern a feeling of eyes on the back of his brunette tresses, watching him from the shadowed corner of the room. Perhaps a figure is awaiting the perfect time to pounce on the human and rip his throat out, at a pace fast enough that he wouldn't scream--- no one would hear his death. He whips his head in that direction, his heart pounding against his chest.

Cue a sigh of relief.

It's just dust. It's just dust, Gavin. Can't hurt you. Maybe fuck with your allergies a bit, but it won't hurt you. You're probably just crazy, like your uncle Kevin--- he still lives in that shed, right? Still talking about those damned 'creatures of the night', hiding in there with a shotgun with hopes that he'll be the one to kill 'em.

Maybe you'll be like that soon, if these delusions go any farther.

A sound of a doorknob clicking interrupts his thoughts and causes the male to jump in his seat, right forearm raising in a defensive manner before realizing that it was only his new therapist, clad in a black turtleneck and black pants.

When did he get here?

Gavin briefly takes a glance down at himself, and is just a slight bit pissed at himself for not dressing nicer.

If this was anything but a therapy session where Gavin would have to speak openly about his mental problems, he would have dressed better. He didn't see the point of wearing something appealing when it was just therapy, and his therapist was most likely going to be some old man or young female that he didn't need to impress.

Sadly for him, the male was definitely not an old man. He looked, roughly, around Gavin's age--- yet he had the sort of timeless face that could pass for a nineteen-year-old. The turtleneck's sleeves were pushed up to his elbows. Gavin usually considers turtlenecks "phckin' ugly" but this guy has changed the definition for him.

And he was overwhelmingly pale. Did he never go outside?

Lesson learned. Wear cute clothes EVERYWHERE.

“Mr. Reed?“ A voice brings Gavin out of his train of thought, and he notices that the male is no longer standing, and is, in fact, sitting right in the position ahead of him, with his head tilted in slight concern as well as confusion.

Dammit.

“Shit, ah,“ Gavin struggles to push away his thoughts for the time being, his nails scratching at the back of his neck as he awkwardly laughs half-heartedly. “Yeah, yeah. That's me, alright.“

The therapist merely emits a soft chuckle, though his mind seems to be elsewhere. He doesn't know for sure, but he thinks that he's making a mental note of some sort--- probably from his behavior. This feels almost like a job interview, and that makes Gavin straighten out his back and lock eye-contact with the male across from him, his cerulean optics now gazing into steel hues. This, however, prompts another brief snicker from him.

“This isn't a professional setting, Mr. Reed. You can sit however you see fit; it is better that you feel comfortable while we converse with one another.“

Gavin's brows furrow together in exiguous uncertainty--- this man spoke like he was reading from a college art essay. Though he said it wasn't professional, it almost felt like it was; like Gavin was being judged for every single movement he followed through with.

It was almost as if he was being ordered to feel more comfortable, which is the most awkward thing ever. It puts on pressure, and makes the situation even more uncomfortable. Nonetheless, Gavin leans back, slouching a modest amount whilst placing his elbows on the back of the couch he sat upon. He stared ahead with half-lidded eyes, and his therapist was studying his body language the entire time.

Gavin would consider this creepy, but it's alright because it's his therapist.

“I'm Dr. Anderson, but you can just refer to me as Niles,“ His therapist--Niles-- begins, his nimble fingers picking up a set of reading glasses and placing them on his visage for a few moments to seemingly read Gavin's file, then setting both the glasses and the file down on the table in front of him. “How about you tell me why you set this urgent appointment with me, hm?“

His voice was smooth, like velvet draped across pale skin. It brought chills down Gavin's back. Compared to how coarse and rough Gavin's voice was, Niles' voice was soothing.

Calm down, dude. This isn't a therapy session for questioning your sexuality. Reply to his question, fucknut!

“Yeah, sure, sure. Uh, where do I fuckin' start?“ Again, Gavin laughs to release some tension, and when the room is silent, he coughs. And continues. “Hah, erm... well, I've been having these weird delusions and feelings of someone watching me. Paranoia, or whatever. I can't sleep, either.“

The concept of therapy wasn't really Gavin's thing; the idea of sharing all of his thoughts with another person was just plain idiotic, in his opinion. He'd much rather keep his feelings to himself, but since his mother called him out of the blue and informed him that she had scheduled an appointment with an "experienced therapist with good reviews" (which sounded shady as hell) because she was worried.

Truth is, he couldn't blame her for being worried. He had shut himself in his apartment, and wasn't even going to work the majority of the time. And when he did go to work, he only got sent home because he continuously kept falling asleep at his desk. Probably because he doesn't feel the eyes on him as he sleeps at work.

“Interesting,“ Niles bobbed his cranium in confirmation, his weight now leaning back as he crosses his arms over one another. He always seems like he is analyzing Gavin in some way.

Weird as fuck.

“So, perhaps you could be having some sort of stalker, or PTSD from something happening to you in the pa--“

“No, no. It's not like that.“

Niles seems suddenly interested and more inclined to listen, his head once again now tilted to the side in curiosity as his brows raise upwards. “Oh?“

Gavin gulped--- the aura that this guy gave off was intimidating as hell, and it was difficult to trust him. “Yeah, like... if it was something like that, then wouldn't I feel some sort of recognition kind of thing? Stalkers are usually people that the person knows personally or knew personally, and PTSD... don't think that's applicable to this situation. I don't think it's that.“

“Elaborate.“

“If it was PTSD, then it wouldn't feel so... so...“ He struggled to search and find the correct vocabulary, the right words-- it was on the tip of his tongue. His eyebrows knit together in comprehension, irises looking down at the couch as he--

“Real?“

Niles' tone is almost demanding in generality; it causes Gavin to shudder and almost cower in fear. Momentarily, he remembers how stern his father's voice was, how it terrified him to his core. Fear can make anyone curl in on themselves.

Gavin nods his head, his grey-blue hues now gazing out the large-sized window located directly to his left, watching as doves fly away. “Y-- yeah. Real. I've experienced PTSD before, and it's nothing like that, at least not this time. It's inhuman, almost. Like... like someone, some thing is going to pounce on me at any second. I don't feel safe in my apartment by myself. Hah, I even had a little moment in here before you got here--- thought something was in the corner.“

His therapist only stares, bobbing his head every now and then as a way to show that he was listening. Though, it didn't seem like it. It was as if he already knew everything that Gavin was saying. He identifies a sudden feeling of recognition--- one that chills Gavin to his very core.

“I, uh--- have I met you before?“ The detective leans forward now, setting his elbows on his knees. He can feel the shadows under his eyes growing deeper-- is that normal? How long had it been since he had slept? Gavin's calloused phalanges weave through his brunette locks, then gripping them tightly. “God, I must be going crazy. Of course, I haven't seen you anywhere--- what am I thinking? Turnin' into Uncle Kev-- I've been seein' shit that just isn't there. It's probably just sleep deprivation, and this therapy session won't do anything, I'm just wastin' my ti--“

“Here, walk with me outside,“ His incoherent rambling is cut short by Niles' request.

Gavin's pate raises upwards, catching sight of the therapist's outstretched palm, reaching for him. Motioning for Gavin to take his hand. His eyes lock with Niles.

“Wowza! Hand-holding? At least take me out to dinner first, eh?“ Gavin internally slaps himself. Meanwhile, Niles just rolls his eyes. Not in an annoyed way--- in an amused manner. Phew, Gavin didn't scare away his therapist.

“Come on, you said that being in here made you have a little 'fit' as well, right? Perhaps being out instead of holed inside your apartment will make you feel better, in some fashion?“

Gavin ponders about his next move, though it didn't seem much like a request at this point. Niles just seemed like he was politely ordering him to go outside. Reluctantly, he places his tan-colored hand in Niles' pale palm, letting his hand envelop over Gavin's and pull him up to his feet abruptly.

---------------------------

They meandered around the perimeter of the building for several moments, neither of them uttering a single word the duration of their walk. Gavin wasn't particularly skilled at breaking the ice when it came to long periods of silence similar to this; he would usually make it worse, actually. Saying something that would be so unexpected that it catches the recipient off-guard, or something that just makes the air between them extremely awkward all of the sudden.

Eventually, Gavin can't stand it anymore. He coughs to clear his throat up, his hand clenching into a fist for him to cough into for a few moments before scratching at the back of his neck again, and again.

“So, like, you have any family around this area, or are you new to Detroit?“

Greaaat question, Gavin. What if he has no family, and you just brought up shitty memories? GOOD GOIN', PRICK.

Niles hums. “I am relatively new here, but my brother lives here with me. You probably saw him whilst walking around the building, yes? Shorter than me, brown eyes?“

Gavin recalls seeing someone who fit that description. “Yeah, that's your brother?“

“Indeed, he is. He's... a little brat sometimes, prefers to do his own thing, but he's still family. We had to move rather abruptly due to some... sudden consequences of our actions, I suppose. Nothing for you to worry about.“

That bewildered Gavin, but he decided not to press further.

Luckily, Niles kept the conversation going. If the silence began once more, Gavin thought he could die.

“You mentioned an uncle earlier?“

Right, during his ramble.

“Yeah, hahah--- Uncle Kevin. He's like, the weird family member, y'know? The one who lives in a shed with a shotgun--- claiming that he'll prevent the apocalypse by killing the bloodsuckers, or something like that,“ Gavin laughs at this, yet Niles is silent.

“How peculiar. Bloodsuckers, you say?“ Niles inclines his head towards Gavin, his arms remaining behind his back as he walked. “What do you think of that?“

Gavin's face scrunches up, emitting a confused noise before sighing softly, remembering that this was a therapy session after all. “I dunno, man. Frankly, I think the idea of vampires existing is stupid as fuck, actually. Like, wasn't it just a myth, or fairytale? Or something like that. Nonetheless, it's hella dumb, and I don't believe in it one bit. If I ever saw a vampire in front of my face, I'd probably call it ugly and scream.“

Niles does laugh at this. “Be careful about what you say, Mr. Reed, you never know who, or what, might be listening.“

The way he said this caused shivers to go down Gavin's back. He sneered at Niles, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and emitting a disgruntled huff. “Don't even joke about that shit, man. I mean, I may find it funny, but the way you say that shit just makes me feel hella uneasy.“

“What if I told you that you should be feeling uneasy right now, Gavin?“ Niles' tone is almost playful, like a cat playing with its prey before chomping down on it.

Gavin just emits a confused noise in return. “Huh?“ He should be feeling uneasy? Why is that such a... weird statement to make?

“I'm just messing with you-- a mere jest. Everyone feels uneasy with their new therapist; that's a sign that you're normal, Gavin.“

Exhaling a soft suspire of relief. “See, when you're all serious like that all the time, I can't even tell the difference between the real seriousness and the fake. That's what makes me feel uneasy.“

“That's how life really is, though. No one can distinguish reality from dream, but we believe that we can. How sure are you right now that you are in reality? At this exact moment, do you know if I am real, or a figment of your imagination?“ The taller male stops in his tracks, and Gavin struggles to stammer out his reply.

Gavin turns his head to Niles.

“I-- I'm totally freaked right now, dude. You're gettin' all... weird. How the fuck did we go from talkin' about vampires to--- this??“

“Gavin. Keep your windows unlocked at night, okay? It's extremely difficult for someone to break a window in a quiet manner. And it just becomes a hassle to clean up later on...“

What the fuck?

Gavin has no time to respond, Niles speeds up and just walks away with a mere wink and a smirk with relatively sharp canine teeth for a human. Remarkably, Niles had no shadow. Weird, weird, weird. Everything about Niles was weird and unexplainable.

Gavin is left on the pavement outside the building with no one around him, awkwardly standing there. He didn't know where to go. Should he follow Niles? No, no--- Gavin didn't want to be around him anymore.

He must look pathetic, wanting to run away and cry to his mother about what had just occurred--- but he'll do it nonetheless.

There was only one thing that Gavin knew from his first and last encounter with his therapist.

He's locking the windows.

---------------------------------------

ALSO POSTED ON AO3:

[secondsofhappiness]

I hope you don't mind me asking but I read your posts about your sexuality today and I wondered when you realised you were ace and what you feel looking back on your teenage years? Did you still do typical teen stuff and realise you were ace later on? What made you realise you were? Sorry I'm just so curious and I hope I haven't offended you. Much love

That’s fine, anon. I don’t mind talking about this stuff at all on here so ask away! Makes a change from my personal life where I have never talked about it :)

I’ll try my best to answer your questions!

First off, when did I realise? When I was 26. I’m 28 now (29 in July). Late, I guess. Or maybe not late as many people my age perhaps never heard of asexuality until later in life so didn’t know there was a word for stuff.

Looking back at my teenage years? Haha I definitely knew I wasn’t like others. I think I started realising I was a little different around age 14-16. I didn’t have friends who were mega into boys or dating or anything so that perhaps delayed any response I had to that stuff but it was mainly my general behaviour. I didn’t talk about boys/girls, I didn’t show any interest, I actually found it difficult when they began talking about celebrity crushes or real life crushes and it’d all make me deeply uncomfortable. So I’d make a few things up and I always referred to myself in my head as a “late bloomer”.

The main thing that made me realise I perhaps had an unusual response to this stuff was when one of my best friends told me he liked me. He’s the only person so far in my life to ever do that and I adored him. He was so funny and I liked him a LOT. It was all swoon crush stuff with 16 year old me smitten with him. I didn’t want anything else, only to be noticed by him and to spend all of my time in his company. The second he told me, I clammed up and told him I wanted to be friends. I liked him an awful lot but I still turned him down. I then couldn’t even bring myself to speak to him. I was a wreck. I left school without speaking to him or saying goodbye. I treated him so poorly and I regret is so much but I didn’t know how to deal with the prospect of dating someone.

I’ll pop the rest under a cut as many people may not be interested in this..!

Then we got back in touch when I was in University… yep! We had been kind of in touch online for years but we messaged a lot and when I was home from Uni I agreed to meet up with him. It took EVERYTHING out of me to meet him after he finished work. He worked in a clothes shop and it took me 8 attempts of walking in to find him. I was a MESS and felt sick. I managed it and we walked around and looked around the shops together and he walked me to the bus stop and I gave him a hug that took all of my nerves. He was incredibly sweet, he was very patient and asked me if I wanted to meet up with him a month later when I was home. He told me he’d had feelings for me since school, had never stopped thinking of me (Christ alive) from time to time etc. I said yes I’d meet him but when that month came, I freaked out and made excuses that I couldn’t go. I have never seen him since. He got a girlfriend soon after and I still have him on social media but we don’t talk and I haven’t heard from him in years.

I learned a lot from that because one singular thing became apparent and that was my reaction to dating, relationships and attraction was different to everyone around me. I had NO frame of reference for it. I had no clue what to do and not just in the fumbly teenage way, but more that I had no natural pull to want to do this stuff. Emotionally - yes - but outside of that it was very difficult for me to want anything. That was such s tough struggle to reconcile and it still is.

It was much more obvious once I hit University. I went through school, college and University without a love interest, boyfriend or any attempt at one. I didn’t even look or consider one outside of a few very short romantic crushes. I made zero attempt to instigate anything.

University was an eye opener because sex was everywhere and it just didn’t factor in my life. I had no interest in it. I didn’t actively pursue anyone because I had no desire to. I did develop feelings for one of my close friends (I wrote about this the other day so see a previous post) and that whole experience confirmed to me that I didn’t have a “normal” reaction to attraction because I remember him giving me a hug once when we were watching a movie and I felt the moment it maybe went from friendshippy to something a little more and I freaked the hell out. I pretty much recoiled in horror but tried to cover it up. I didn’t know how to respond and I didn’t want it to continue despite me liking him an awful lot. Confusing, right?! Haha.

Since I was 21, I have had only one other semi romantic attraction that I now can’t even understand because I know the guy better now and we’d never have gelled in the long run. That’s it. I don’t date, I don’t look, I don’t consider relationships. Now, there’s a common denominator in all of it and that was always the looking to the future. The “well if I find some shred of confidence to try to respond to these advances then that means I’ll eventually have to consider physical stuff because that’s how the world works” and that fact alone was enough to stop me in my tracks and end things with quite a significant amount of finality!

I used to ponder it all the time and never understood what was wrong with me. I used to call myself (secretly) “avoidant”. That was my own word. That I had an avoidant personality. That I was simply unable to share intimacy. I read article after article, tried to work out why I was this way and it wasn’t until I was 26 that I saw a post about asexuality and reading it, I cried my eyes out. I visited AVEN and read everything I could, I bought books and everything just felt so personal and was like reading about myself. It was so comforting and I finally understood that perhaps it did have a name and I wasn’t screwed up or broken.

Looking back, so much made sense. I had never ever felt in any way sexually attracted to anyone I’d liked. The mere thought of that actually put me off. I got NOTHING out of the thought of that. If anything, it made me feel really damn uncomfortable. I always thought people were joking when they said they thought about sex so much. So much teenage media had been lost on me because I didn’t share their experiences or desires. I’d never had any of the thoughts that are associated with teenagers and those in early 20s. Friends with benefits was something I just didn’t get. One night stands were alien concepts because why would people?! What’s the point?! There were so many signs and I just hadn’t realised them all until later in life.

So I didn’t do typical teen stuff. I didn’t have any of the typical firsts or experience any stereotypical teenage experiences and they didn’t happen in college, uni or beyond either. That’s difficult to accept at times because many people who are perhaps late bloomers actively want that stuff. I didn’t.

When I turned 25, I noticed friends became a little more interested in that aspect or non existent aspect of my life and the more they questioned or queried, the more it made me think of how I felt and so much slotted into place. I’ve never “come out” or whatever you want to call it but I am also pushing 30 having never had any relationship or pursued one and my friends definitely just accept this about me. One of my best friends, Hattie, said to me once “I don’t think you’d everyone be with someone unless you were very very close to them or perhaps you may never have those feelings for someone but I’d hope you’d tell me if you wanted to talk about stuff”. That’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to talking about it.

So the future is unknown but nothing has changed since I was 14-16. I am still exactly the same about it all as I was then and so I guess if I’d have known about asexuality I may have been a little less upset about how different I seemed to be from my peers and may have understood myself a little better and spent much less time worrying, stressing and feeling like I was a broken human being! That said, I always focused on friends and have been fiercely independent and happy being alone so I’ve always been pretty well adjusted despite it all :)

So yeah! I hope that answered your questions, anon. Why do you ask? If you’re questioning, I’m always happy to answer any questions etc. Might as well chat about it as it’s so damn unknown in the grand scheme!! 🙂

[stubert87]

I've spent some time wondering if coming back here to write something was too self indulgent at a time like this. But I'm going to start writing and if you're reading it then I got to the end, thought it was ok, and posted it.

I think it's fair to say that the nation's mental health, as a whole, is in somewhat of a state of flux at the minute. Our life as we have come to know it has been entirely disrupted, albeit temporarily. I've come back to this space to share some of my musings and offer support to anyone who's mental well-being has been affected since the threat of coronavirus has appeared. For many of us this may just be the most recent trigger in a series of major episodes of anxiety, low mood, etc. For others this may be the first experience of anxiety or any form of negative mental health. I hope this makes sense. Maybe even some of it may resonate.

I'm more than familiar with how isolated our thoughts can make us feel when we're in the midst of a low point. Add to that the very literal isolation that has been placed upon us through social distancing measures, and we have the recipe for a mental health crisis. But it isn't as bad as it sounds. In every new scenario and environment there is opportunity. We just have to be willing to see past the fear, and seize it.

There are some of us adept at change. There are some of us that aren't. I most certainly am not. I'm analytical and need order. I need time to digest my new environment, figure out how to exist within it, and then consciously marry up my strengths to this new situation, while guarding my vulnerabilities, until I establish a comfort zone. For those of us who aren't as fast paced as others when dealing with change, the entire situation is a wall of anxiety that seems insurmountable. We are paralysed by the overwhelming barrage of "what ifs" leading to "I can'ts" that lead to "I'm a failure" and there we have ourselves back on the edge of The Abyss, thinking that this is no way to live and pleading with the universe to make tomorrow better.

The insurmountable wall right now is made up of a combination of catastrophic thoughts that has the potential to cripple us. From worrying about the health of ourselves, our friends and families, to worrying how long this will last, and when we can see each other again, each question is a potential doorway to a 'corridor of catastrophising'. It's very easy to end up at very scary and upsetting conclusions, such as "I'm never going to see xyz again" or "I'm next". Very dark thoughts in an already dark time.

The process of breaking the cycle of worry is a lot greater than anything I can outline in this blog. There's a reason that forms of therapy last many sessions. But I'll try to pass on a few tips that have helped me over the years.

I like to think there's two places you can tackle your worry. If we use the analogy of the 'corridor of catastrophising', the door you walk through and into the corridor is the initial worry, the end of the corridor is the final conclusion you reach: a dead end is a total overwhelming negative thought, taking another door out of the corridor is us reaching a better conclusion.

The first way you can try to tackle your worry is at the start, by nipping it in the bud. When you open the door and see that "what if" worry, you can ask yourself is this normal worry, or excessive worry. If what you're thinking is something like "I'm worried about the wellbeing of my grandparents because they're vulnerable and isolating for 12 weeks" then this is a perfectly normal worry. Any human being would think this. You then need to make sure you follow up this thought with positive action and find one way to make the situation better. Using the grandparents example, can you set them up with video calling? Can you send them voice notes? Can you get them involved in distanced activities like a video chat quiz or look for events to take part in like the virtual grand national? Taking positive action will help remove the mental isolation and bring about a positive shift in mindset. And much like a negative mindset can spiral, a positive mindset can also gain momentum.

For some of us though this may be to little too late. We might have already walked down the dark corridor to it's gloomy and seemingly absolute end. And also for anyone who hasn't had to work at challenging their thought processes before, simply trying to nip it in the bud is a a lot to get to grips with straight away, and you could actually end up in a strange state of denial where you're pushing the thought away, only for it to come back with a vengeance. So we have to look at reframing our negative thoughts to help us back track and take another turn off the corridor.

The idea is to challenge the thought by asking yourself can I bring any evidence to back that thought up? Can I prove without any shadow of doubt that the thought I have is true? Using the example of grandparents again, it's easy to bring in evidence like "they're old and therefore high risk", "there's already been thousands of deaths". These are natural worries, but they're not concrete evidence to support a worst case scenario. If we try re-framing our thoughts more positively then the thoughts become less consuming and therefore allow us to think more rationally. "They're vulnerable" - correct, but they're shielding for 12 weeks in isolation to ensure the chances of infection are minimal. "There's already been thousands of deaths" - could be challenged by "yes but there's also plenty of cases of recovery and also so many that haven't been infected or shown symptoms. As long as we're all doing our part to stop the spread, we reduce the risk".

By challenging each negative thought we give ourselves chance to minimise their detrimental impact and make them more manageable and easy to digest. It takes a lot of practice but eventually you get quicker at managing these thoughts and you're quickly volleying them away before they can take hold.

Another problem many of us are now facing is the concept of managing our time in isolation so we're not climbing the walls. Not an easy task at all, but one the more analytical of us may find a bit easier. Iregardless it will take practice. It's easy to fall into bad habits when we have too much time to kill. For some of us we'll naturally fall into good habits because we're disciplined. For others amongst us structure and good routine maybe don't come so naturally. The best way to ensure we're getting the most out of our day is to spend up to a week documenting your activities and the mood you experienced while doing it, correlating what our mood was like to the activity and looking for patterns in the day to day, so that we can then start planning more activities that elevate our mood whilst balancing our necessary tasks that may not bring us so much comfort or joy. Sounds simple on paper but I can definitely attest to the fact that challenging your own behaviour and embedding change is never easy.

There are also so many of us who have anxious brains who've suddenly found that we're calmer than usual. That people around us seem more anxious than we are. It's an interesting phenomenon that I've recently found myself in and mused over this somewhat. Having pondered on it a while, I can only draw the conclusion that my mind is used to living in a state of abstract worry. By that I mean I'm worrying about what MIGHT happen, or rumenating on an incident that happened a week ago. None of this worry is in the present. And when you're suffering from a period of mental ill-health it feels almost possible to be present, grounded, and in the moment. But in this pandemic lies a very real, very present threat. One that means our lives are changing by the day. A threat that is very much making us exist in the present. Anyone who's ever been stuck in the rut if anxious thinking knows that when you snap out of it into the present moment, you're capable of thinking and rationalising and lightning speed. So if you're one of us who's found yourself much calmer than ever, make sure you're continuing to keep those positive actions going to build a positive resilience. Think about what you can do to help friends, family, colleagues and your community to keep us all afloat. Sometimes the people who've experienced the darkest of thoughts are the ones who can bring light to others dark times. If this is you, now's your time to shine.

The final key to it all is my age old advice. KEEP TALKING. The second you feel in a slump, pick up the phone and call someone. Video call them. Start a House Party. Never impose further isolation on yourself by withdrawing. On the opposite side, if you haven't heard from someone in a while then call them. Make whatever plans you can in this difficult time.

I think I've meandered on long enough. If you've made it this far, thank you. If you've found any of this thought provoking or even helpful please let me know. I've attached a link to some further reading on covid-19 and anxiety (if you have any reading left in you) I think it's pretty useful

[weyoun]

I know you are religious(Mormon I think) and was simply wondering what exactly it is you believe? I'm a Christian ,not Catholic just Christian and I don't know much about Mormons. I was hoping you could enlighten me. You don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable. Thank you.

Hello!!I am Mormon, correct!^_^ and no worries, I actually love talking about my religion with folks who are genuinely interested

Let’s see, well…first off we are also Christian. It’s a wide misconception that we aren’t (?) but my church’s full name is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So you will also see the acronym “LDS” too , and that’s us. XD

To put it shortly, we believe in a restored gospel. What does that mean? Well, we believe that once the last of the original Apostles were killed, the organized church as established by Christ was taken from the earth. The Priesthood was also taken away as those who were given it were also killed or died off. More on why this is important in a moment.

Fast forward to the modern day. In the year of 1820, a 14 year old kid named Joseph Smith is chillin in the state of New York. He comes from a kind, hardworking religious family, so even at a young age he reads his Bible and now wants to seriously join a church and be baptized. But the real pickle he finds is that all the churches he visits don’t quite sit in his heart as the one right for him. They all bicker and don’t agree on how the gospels should be taught. It’s super confusing. And that’s annoying tbh lol, but Joseph is like “well okay…let me ponder this some more” so one day he’s reading in his Bible and in James 1:5 he read the following:

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” [KJV]

With this promise, Joseph set out to pray as to which church he ought to join. He knelt in what we now call the Sacred Grove, but was back then just a normal part in the forest near his home.

There are longer, more detailed reenacted versions of this part of the story, but here is a link to the newest and shortest of them, to give you a gist of the encounter. ^^

If you watched the 6 minute film, you saw that we believe Joseph was visited by God and the Savior. He was told that none of the established churches had a fullness of the truth. And that later (when he was older) the complete truth would be revealed to him, Joseph.

This truth, we now know, is the basic foundation of our religion. The Book of Mormon was given to Joseph to translate (he did NOT write it as some mistakenly say) so we may read it along with our Bibles. The book is a record of God’s people in the Americas, to put it shortly, but more importantly it is Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Joseph reorganized the church as it was in the time of Christ, given that Priesthood (and thereby able to give it to those worthy to receive and use it for good) and established temples. Today, there millions of us throughout the world.

That’s the main story of what we believe, but other LDS beliefs of interest (to just name a few):

We believe God, Christ and the Holy Ghost are separate beings. Some religions believe they are all one person/being, but we do not.

We believe that those unable to have heard or accepted Christ as their Savior will have a chance to do so in the spirit world (what we call the afterlife, or also Heaven, in a manner of speaking). This is partly what we do in temples, baptize for the dead of our ancestors. All this means is that we do baptism by proxy (ie. in place of) for those who have died before getting the chance to do so themselves. (Baptism is an important ordinance in our faith.) I once heard a woman say that those who were unable to accept Christ or did not now about Him went to hell, and we do NOT believe that at all. God is merciful and His plan is based on agency, our right to choice. Even with our baptisms, these spirits have the choice to still accept that or not.

We believe in Eternal Families. This is another thing we do in the temple. When we marry, it is not “till death do we part”. We marry to last on earth and in Heaven. And when you add members to the family, they too can become a part of this covenant into eternity. We call this “sealing”, to put it very, very simply lol.

We do not drink alcohol, coffee or non-herbal teas. We do not smoke, do drugs to get high or anything of the sort. We aren’t even supposed to drink energy drinks tbh. XD (If you follow my art or Batman blog you may have noticed me specifically avoid any use of these substances lol this is why haha)

We believe in “levels” of Heaven and hell. Not like purgatory or anything. I mean like, once we are finally judged, according to our lives, beliefs and goodness of heart (or lack thereof) we will go to one of them. For example, a serial killer isn’t going to the same place as a regular thief. A man who ridiculed those with a faith is not going to the same place as a man who treated others in love, even though he also did not believe in an afterlife. You see where I’m getting?

This links up with the concept of Grace. We believe in Grace, but in a different way than most do. Normally, traditional Christians believe Grace to be the end-all of “Being Saved”. That because you accept Christ as your Savior, you automatically go to Heaven, no matter what you do really. We do not believe this definition, and I’ll explain. We believe that Grace is given to us all as the triumph over death and a way to repent while doing away with the Law of Moses. Because Christ in his purity and innocence and love, died for us, He was the ultimate sacrifice for the sins of the world. This did away with the Law of Moses. The next part, when Christ was resurrected, signified our triumph over death as He led the way for us all to be resurrected again one day. Because of Him, we all have this right regardless on if we are faithful or not. This leads into Immortality vs. Eternal Life.

Because of Christ, we will all have the ability of Immortality when we are resurrected. Eternal Life however is living forever in the presence of God. There is a difference, in our belief system. Eternal Death, or death of the spirit, is the other side of this spectrum. It is not the literal death of a spirit (that means the spirit does not die and cease to exist) but eternity living out of God’s presence and influence. And that is the worst existence imaginable.

We believe God loves and values all of His children (us) and we should try to do the same with one another, regardless of belief (or lack of it).

We do not believe in the Rapture. We believe the righteous will endure the last days with everyone else.

We believe in Modern Revelation (ie. that God still talks to or reveals His will to us today via a Prophet).

So, in short, we believe most of what basic fundamental points all Christians believe. We are children of God, Christ is our Savior, and so forth. But we also believe in other, more detailed truths (as we believe them) due to modern revelation and a restored gospel.

I hope that helps! If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask.^^ I’m not an expert nor perfect, but I will try my best!

~Ronnie