#don't look too hard at me incorporating h*milton lyrics skjcnd

[ilbound]

@crystalcracked has requested a story : “All these thoughts have never stopped.” // tohru to kaen!

𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅.

❝ Tohru … ❞  Soft , gentlespoken comes his name upon a ever-worrying tongue.  Dark gaze searches his – seeking , asking without asking ( is there really nothing i can do ? is there really nothing that can help ? ) – before drifting down to look at his hands clasped in their own.  His words , solemn with resignation to his design / heavy with the earnestness of his cynical truth , add another measure to all the ways they are ENTIRELY TOO SIMILAR ( at times , kaen noticed once , like looking in a mirror ; they share joys much as they seem to share miseries ) .

Their eyes follow the thatching , p u r p o s e f u l wounds marring his wrists ; the very same on their pale own ( each with a memory attached , they’re sure , each carving a sentiment of sorrow that held a story as to why it was made at all ) .  Gingerly , Kaen smooths their thumbs over his scarred skin , tracing them with a tentative thumb as if – should they not be careful enough – they might split open.  Kaen closes their eyes to gather themself.  A shaky inhale , followed by a trembling sigh , a teary-eyed smile offered forth ( does he think them foolish for crying for his sake ? does he think he’s unworthy of their sympathy ? ) .  Yet how it HURTS to know that this selfsame pain is something they SHARE , something they AGREE ON , that he has gone so far as to want to cut it free from his skin just as they have— ❝ I- I wish … ❞  For many things , actually ; to be of SOME USE to him , mostly , to p r o v e to him that – beyond a doubt – they would love him despite everything he’s ever said or did ( as much as despite everything he may ever say or do ) .  ❝ … Tha’ this was somethin’ we didn’t have in common. ❞  If only it could have been a n y t h i n g else but this ; if only the great thread that strengthened their bond was not so awfully MISERABLE to behold.

Lifting one of his hands , they kiss his wrist , repeating the process with the other , neverminding how they blink a few tears onto his skin , staining it with their empathetic wetness ; a slight display of REVERENCE .  Kaen glances to him again , holding his gaze.  ❝ But … How lucky we are to be alive , Tohru , ❞ The words seem bitter coming from them , even in trying to wield them in good faith.  Still they try , ❝ How lucky I am , ❞ Kaen’s grip on his hands t i g h t e n s , ❝ To know you , to be with you , to— ❞ Love you , they want to say , but stop themself.  ❝ —Have made all these memories with you.  An’ if only I could grant you peace of mind , would tha’ be enough ? ❞  They’re not even sure how they WOULD when it has been years since they themself knew the grace of peace , but for HIM , they would try to gather up even the smallest pieces of it.