#don't look at my darning too close ok I'm not great at it but I'm trying!

[captainrufflebanger]

I feel like an extremely niche portion of tumblr would appreciate the fact I use a ceramic dragon egg I made as a darning egg for socks.

And you know what, it works FANTASTIC

[broooooo]

Dronehood

____________________

In today's world , the world has been slowly taken over by drones, whether it was by force, choice or persuasion, men are being converted, covered in a shiny black latex, a second skin, a well built muscled body, constantly aroused and hard. The mind does seem to remain keeping the hosts personality, but there's a big focus of obeying the master and the pleasure of dronehood

At first the world was scared, but as the drone army expanded, it slowly became normal, as if it's a rite of passage for teenage, adult men. It's even become a kind of entertainment to watch a conversion happen, could inspire others , or worn them.

Then there's me

I am Aaron, 21, regular build, living in an apartment, IV never been opposed to the drone movement. It's interesting to watch.

Deep down I wouldn't mind becoming a drone myself, it genuinely sounds fun.

Iv watched my childhood friend, Jason, become one before my eyes, he had wanted it for a while, and decided to get a slow conversion, he wanted to experience all the feelings grow and build.

The conversion itself is simple, intercourse with a drone, you may or may not include leather articles of clothing such as gloves or boots for extra pleasure. When it's done, the new drone is given a serial number name, but can keep their human name for interactions with others, plus they can take off their head mask for easy identification.

I myself don't leave my room a lot, i just watch from my TV or the window, hearing it through my walls too at times. Jason's my roommate, but he's never home, he's busy converting others or just hanging out with other drones.

Somewhat makes me jealous, before his conversion , we were the same, locked in your rooms not doing much, it honestly is a better life for him, and I'm happy,

It's possible to request a drone conversion, many have done it, Idk why I haven't done it yet, I guess I want to keep my peace for a little while, but ik at some point it will get too much to bear and then I will know I'm ready.

_________________

It was a normal day for me, watching my conversions , and contemplating life. When suddenly I hear the front door open, I rush out to see him, Jason standing in the door way, his heavy leather boots stomping on the floor as he closes the door. He looks at me, I haven't seen his have a week's.

JASON!?* ITS been so long, how.. have you been?*

He smiles and embraces me in a hug

*Iv been well, I missed you*

My face goes flush red, as I hug him back.

His latex skin is soft and shiny , the feel of hard muscles, it makes my heart race.

We pull away and I ask*

What are you doing here Jason?* Don't you have missions ?*

Jason laughs and says * well I do live here, plus even drones need rest.*

I answer back"

Well that makes sense , yeah*

Jason goes sit on the couch to watch TV.

*mind getting me a sparkling lemon water Aaron?.

Oh? Ok sure , I'll make us both one *

I go the kitchen, fill two cups with soda and prepare to cut lemons, during all this my mind races with thoughts, the sudden appearance of Jason and the feeling of his skin, it felt great. I feel hot, almost dreaming of it

As I'm cutting lemons the knife slips and cuts my hand, breaking me out of my dream like state

GAH*

Jason turns and runs up to me concerned

Are you ok?*

I'm fine just cut my self.

I go to clean up the blood and find a bandage, but problem, we where out of bandages

*darn we're out of bandaids.

Well I have a suggestion*

I turn around to see Jason's bear hand outstretched holding a latex glove.

You took it off? Isn't that yours?

Don't worry, I get a new one, my body can create it naturally.

I look at the glove as I hold it, it's soft,

The glove has a healing effect to it, it protects us drones from major injuries.

Huh, convenient , as I smile* thanks

I put the glove over my disinfected hand, I move my fingers about feeling it, it was soft, silky and comfortable.

So this is how it feels?* I say

Yeah, it's quite the sensation isn't it?,

Very much so, no wonder many ppl become drones.

Jason helps me finish the drinks and we go sit on the couch together.

Have you thought about dronehood much Aaron?

I turn to him and choke a little ,

Have I thought about it? It's ALL I can think about xd* I say with laughter, I observe it happen from my room, since your never hear.

And before you ask, no, I don't think I'm ready yet.

Jason looks into this drink and back up to me, he leans a hand over to touch my shoulder,

He smiles and says, * when you're ready then, no force, I want you to enjoy it as much as possible.

I peek up, *I KNEW IT, you planned this, laughing.

You were always a trickster you, we both laugh

Well Aaron , I. Do hope you enjoy that glove, it will help you decide, I'm sure of it.

I turn to look out the window and smiles

*thanks, i-, will definitely have an answer soon I'm sure.

___________

Afterwards we hang out the rest of day, it was a fun reunion, full of talk and catching up untill sun down

We both go to bed , crashing instantly as I'd been so tired after today.

The next day Jason and I bid farewell as he leaves for a mission.

I'm left alone and go to my room , sitting on my bedroom couch

_____

Hm, planed or not, I'm happy I have this glove. I turn on the TV to watch some more conversions

I feel hot and steamy imagining it, before I know it I'm rubbing my bulge with the gloved hand , my dick getting erect from what pleasure I can muster,

And idea popped into my head, I head over to Jason's room, and my mind was validated when I saw them, an extra pair of leather boots,

*planned this too Jason? Well idc, thanks*

We happen to be the same size, even so is force my feet into them, the boots go up to my kne, tall and shiny, sliding my feet in, my heart and mind are racing , my dick is rock hard , the sensations are over powering, I lace them up tight, whist I remove my clothing.

I stand up to look to the mirror, naked with only a latex glove and leather boots on, the weight of the boots and the tightness, protecting me, I go to my bed,I start to edge off slowly, aroused to high heavens and enjoying it all. Whilst the sounds of conversions from the TV hum in the background.

I never realized it but the dream like state I was in of edging and leaking lasted 3 days, I was covered in pre, drooling and gooing out, the latex glove and boots has started to spread up my legs and arm, then came Jason, he stood in my bedroom doorway, smiling, he comes over and jumps on top of me, squeezing my nipples hard

I moan hard and leak over me

*ready Aaron?*

Laughing through the intense pleasure ,

*hehe yeah. Convert me friend* I'm ready*

Jason's glowing purple eyes look into mine,

___________

Jason's hard latex dick at the ready, and with a passionate kiss it commences, what felt like a. Eternity, lasted a week of slow intense sex and conversion. As I expected it all

By the end of it, we and the bed were wet in pre, drool and juices, through the days, the latex nanites from Jason's dick slowly transformed my body, spreading the latex all over whist giving my muscle to fit, the climax of the conversion was then.

Jason fucking my tight ass, we both prepared for it , cum

It was a screech of intense pleasure, black nantite filled cum sprayed in ropes out our dicks, lasting 69 minutes of constant cumming, fucking and kissing, and the cum pool around us and soak back up into our bodies, , strengthening the conversion.

When it was all over , we lay there together tired and in love

My eyes start to glow to an intense blue. My mind was reshaped and ready,

Looking to Jason's eyes I say.

* I am ready to obey , ready to spread , ready to cum alongside you *

Jason smiles and kisses me, *ik.. drone 6923..*

My eyes flash, * yes... My new name.. thank you..

Drone 8696..*

___________

In the end we two drones, continued to make out intensely, passionately, never running out of cum

Untill the next mission is handed to us, and. I join Jason on my first crusade, We will enjoy each other forever.

______

: D

I enjoyed this one , genuinely think it's one of my best works yet

Hope you enjoy it, fellow drones

[glazedsnail]

It's fanfic time again.

I mean it started small but it's a long one so I'd rather send through like rapid fire like taktaktaktaktaktaktak y'know?

Nah I don't make sense to me either.

Anyway.

Misery Loved Company

ShanexOCFarmer (♀️) 18+ / swear words/substance misuse/explicit/suicide ideation/mention of abuse.

Part 1 is there, and part 2 here

Hang on a little bit more the smut is so close you can almost smell it you horndogs.

Also that's how I imagine Elliott's in his cabin wanting to go on an evening walk but he's just stuck.

And now you know why I'm not a pixel artist.

A soft gust of wind plays with his hair. I put back a slightly greying strand behind his ear. I don’t know what to expect of this evening anymore. It’s been all over the place.

‘So, uh’ he starts ‘are we like…’

‘I suppose we are.’

‘Should we drink to that?’

I giggle.

‘Might as well finish the pack, right?’

We each get a new can and enjoy it in silence, in the newfound status quo of our… relationship? We’re both in our thirties, this is laughable.

‘Thank you for inviting me out tonight. The beach was a very nice idea, I’m having a great time’

He still slightly blush, scratching his head.

‘Me too’ he finally mumbles. 

My empty stomach decides to join in so loudly it covers the waves, the wind, the distant seagulls and the crickets. 

Shane bursts out laughing. I squeeze my empty pouch hoping to make it shut the hell up. This date had not one romantic moment, this is a disaster.

‘Sorry’ I’m so darn embarrassed.

He laughs again, and it’s the most beautiful thing.

‘Y’know, we’ve not touched the pepper poppers yet’ He remarks.

‘Oh you’re right. Lemme just’ I grab the tightly sealed tupperware and a note falls from its lid. I hand the recipient to Shane.

This is Emily handwriting:

“If it doesn't work out with Shane I can hook you up. Shouldn’t be too hard :)”

My eyes blink fast. What the hell does she mean? Why the fuck did she think this would be a good idea? I quickly crumple the paper.

‘What’s that?’ Shane asks, in the middle of a pepper.

‘Nothing, some nonsense from Emily.’ 

I try to shove the crumpled paper in my pocket but miss. He takes the opportunity and grabs the piece.

‘Let me have a read.’

No please Yoba no. Not after everything. Why is the universe so against Shane and I enjoying an evening together? These past hours start to feel like weeks. I try to snatch it back but he stands up.

‘No!’ I cry as I follow him up, grabbing him by the arm with all my newfound farmer might.

‘Is it girl talk you’re embarrassed about?’ He laughs, keeping the small piece of paper away from me. I’m desperate to get it back. ‘Ouch!’ I just bit his arm. ‘You’re completely nuts!’ He yells, massaging his arms with the slight imprint of my teeth. 

‘Please Shane, give it back!’

I cannot let him read this nonsense. He’d take it to heart. I know I would. I don’t want a hook up, I never wanted a hook up in my life. I don’t want anyone else. I do not want anyone else. I want to taste his lips again, I want to experience the weight of his body against mine, wake up in the morning and watch him sleep peacefully, kiss him every chance I get, feel his stubble between my thighs. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t need anyone else, I need him. Just him.

‘Oh shit Fern are you ok?|’

I fell face first in the sand. He lifts me up as I cough some sand out of my mouth.

‘That was quite a fall.’ He pats the sand out of my legs.

‘I guess running on three beers isn’t of my age anymore. Where’s the note?’ 

‘Right here.’ He holds the crumpled note between two fingers, above my head. 

‘Can you please give it to me? Please?’

‘What’s so embarrassing, c’mon, it can’t be that bad.’ He laughs and unfolds it. I bury my face in my hands. Between my fingers I can see his smile slowly disappearing.

‘Shane, it’s’

He lifts a finger towards me to stop me and I shut up. My throat hurts so much, there’s so much I want to say. It’s all stuck in there. His smile is gone. He looks furious.

Without a word, he swiftly walks towards the blanket and starts picking things up.

‘Shane I know how it looks but please I beg you, stop.’

‘What? You read the note. It’ll be easy to find you another hook up. I don’t doubt it myself the way you can twist people around your finger.’

‘It’s not what I want!’

‘Or another relationship, why do I care.’

‘I did not ask Emily to hook me up, she was just being silly, I don’t know I… There’s no “if it doesn’t work with Shane”, please. Please! You have to believe me.’

I try to stop him from packing but fail miserably.

‘I did believe you Fern, that was my first mistake. I believed your insistence came from a genuine place, that there could be such a thing as an “us”. Even believed someone like me could be…Shit, leave me alone Fern.’

‘No.’

‘Move from the blanket.’

‘No.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. Move.’

‘I will not move unless you hear me out.’

‘Oh that’s just precious. You’re going to try and use your stupid words to twist me around like you did the whole evening, all the times you were ever talking to me, aren’t you? It’s never been about me, just about grabbing an easy cock for the night? Or get some high on saviour complex? Do you think you’re the first one I meet?’

‘Do you hear yourself?!’ I snap, still intimidated by his raised voice. ‘If I wanted a cheap fuck I would have stayed in the city. If I wanted no substance I wouldn’t have been so vulnerable with you. Are you going to judge me based on a silly note instead of all we’ve been through? I like you Shane. A lot. Fuck. A LOT! Yeah, this date could have ended with us fucking, who knows? Who knows with this damn date anymore. But you know why it’d have happened? Not because I want to fuck, but because I want you. I wouldn’t even care if all you ever wanted was a cheap fuck or wanted me cause I’d be happy, stupidly happy, to have you, even for one night. Just you, you, Shane. Do you understand? I’m not the hook up type, never have and never will but I just lo…like you so much.’

‘Aren’t you tired of your big speeches by now?’

I am furious.

‘Shane, look at me. Look at me in the eyes.’ I grab him by the hoodie. I’m trembling, keeping my tears at bay as much as I can. ‘I choose to believe you trust me enough to know I could never lie to you. I know this means nothing. You know, I met the saviour type. the fixing crowd. I know them. The one that takes pride in being part of your recovery while putting you down enough so you're stuck thinking you can't improve without them, that you'll never do or be any better. Don’t you dare take me for one of them. I know you can't believe I'm like that. ’

He averts my gaze. I gently place my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at me again, slowly caressing the roughness of his stubble.

‘You’re trying really hard aren’t you?’

‘Trying what? I simply hate being misunderstood, misperceived. Hell, at the best of times I hate being perceived at all.’

‘You weren’t too concerned about being perceived by me of all people.’

‘I don’t have any explanation for this. I could try my whole life to explain why I need you.’

My voice has gotten lower, so has his. He grabs my hand still resting on his cheek and lowers it down. I try to get closer but he grabs me by the waist. He reaches my chin and rests his thumb on my lower lip. His eyes fall into mine. I can see he’s scared. I know his grief.

He calmly blinks, his eyes now looking softer.

The candles are almost down to the wick. Their flickering lights send stripes through his conflicted face. I can’t remember when was the last time I took a breath. His hand steadily goes from my waist to my back and, in a defeated groan, he pulls me towards him and kisses me.

My legs are going to give in. I grab the back of his head and kiss him back.

‘Fern’ he starts, leaving my lips.

‘Please, kiss me again.’

He tightens his embrace, not waiting to be asked twice. I part my lips, use my tongue to part his and taste him. His kisses are incredibly soft. His hands on my body are making me shiver and lose complete control. I let my hips roll towards his bulge. He wants me, he can have me. I want to give myself to that man over and over again. I want him, no, need him, to fill me up with sin. 

‘Shane...’ I whisper in a lustful voice.

‘Fuck.’ he answers.

He carries me down the abandoned blanket. I gasp as his hips fall between my open legs, making me arch my back.

‘I want you.’ I manage to say.

He buries his face in my neck and starts kissing the tender skin, gives it a nibble, and bites into it as he hears my moans growing in his ear. 

That’s when the rain decides to start heavily falling on us.

[travi3sapsd]

never used photoshop so im curious to see your opinions about photopea vs photoshop

ok things to be known: 1) adobe can suck my cock and balls theyre evil and i wish that the corporate entity that is adobe would go up in flames, a corporation shoud NOT have that much insight in your privacy, files, sensitive info, etc 2) photopea is great and built off a small dev team as a basically a passion project, which is awesomesauce! i'm not knocking them at all, and i think ppl should support them in anyway they can

i've been a graphic designer and photographer for years now, and in hs i became adobe certified. i literally spent four years of my life learning on an industry standard. it becomes muscle memory after a while. beside that i was a roleplayer so i became VERY familiar with edits and gifs and all that. again everything became muscle memory. adobe suites are the industry standard for a reason, and for GOOD reason. i think they have an amazing interface and work hard to update the experience and make shit easier for artists; like i will give them that even if i sound like a bootlicker. i never paid for it tho lol as a student i got it for free and i would use cracks/torrents.

when i got my new computer it wouldn't let me run bootcamp so i couldn't crack the adobe suites like i used to :/ new mac processors or whatever don't rely on intel anymore, so not intel = no bootcamp. most cracks are pc based so i just couldn't find one that worked for me. apple went ham on protecting IP and combating torrents so it's like impossible to crack without an extensive VPN or else adobe will literally send a cease and desist to your internet provider. its sincerely fucked up.

i switched to photopea bc of this. i really liked it, but im autistic so having to relearn my own workflow that ive had for years made me want to hashtag die. the interface is VERY close to photoshop, so it wasn't hard, but it doesn't have the same capabilities i was used to w ps. i do NOT like edited photos in photopea; i think its way too laggy and glitchy to work with giant raw files, which really sucks!!! for making small edits and doing my graphic design tho??? i do really like it. it doesn't have the same capabilities as ps sure, but once i just fucked with the filter galleries and different plug ins and worked my process around what photopea could accomplish, i was good as gold. i've been producing quality work on commission through photopea. it's a learning curve for sure, especially if you have zero experience with an editing interface like that, but the more i use it the more i learn.

all of that being said, i think photopea is fucking awesome for being completely free and open source. it has its issues —— sometimes its way too glitchy for me and pisses me the fuck off, i have to frequently save my psd files and hope that they don't fuck up, and then reopen so it's less laggy and rinse and repeat bc some of my stuff takes hours lmfao —— but i think its pretty darn close to the photoshop i was using like less than a year ago. its glitchy, its laggy, the ads are annoying and clog up the screen, but i simply cannot complain to much when its a smallish dev team working on a shoestring budget (last time i checked) and for FREE. like its open and usable on any browser and computer and i think thats rad.

if i could go back to ps without giving them money i would in a heartbeat. ps is awesome for the work i do, and i like that there's constant improvements and updates. it just boils down to look, feel, and workflow to me; ps is rarely laggy and glitchy, its meant to handle giant projects, there's so many plug ins you can find online, etc. i just wish it wasn't a subscription based software; honestly if i new adobe was less like the elf on the shelf and i could make a one time purchase, i would. but alas.

anyways i'm pro photopea all the way. idk if any of this was helpful its mostly rambly lmfao. but yeah. i don't do much photography anymore, so i don't have to work around the glitches and lags and all of that with photopea; i focus on graphic design for event fliers and social media content + rp resources. it has room for improvement for sure for sure, but it's lovely and helpful in its own way.

[universeofmuses]

(evil tommy scenario good ending)

Conner and everyone watched Celeste handing the crystal over given all the alchemy used on her new garment

Ethan:Do I need to remind you it's risky?

"please don't Tommy is saying that every second and I can't really say I know what I'm doing but if I drain my own crystal won't work draining the clone's energy and getting your gems back to normal"

Kira:and if something goes wrong?

"You guys get me out in A flash"

She gave everyone a hug before heading to battle

Sometime after..

It was getting intense for both she heard the steps she knew what she had to do and knew the team was watching from the base and hearing through the comms

Distorted Tommy:You can't keep me from my bride who do you think you are?!

"I'm more than you can handle.." she ripped his gem charger

"now it's time for me to feed"

Soon all energy was drained and the foe was gone

Kira:our gems are working again! Celeste you did it

"Darn right I did"

Conner: we'll have a little party when you get back

"sounds great" soon her vision blurred up

"guys I'm not feeling so good" she passes out and when the team sees through the monitors her vitals were going down Conner using the speed of his gem got to Celeste and took her to the hospital where Hayley seemed to be there

Hayley:she felt that way after the drain?

Conner:yeah

Hayley: I'm guessing twisted version of tommy could handle more power than she could

Kira: Doctor Oliver her gem should help at least at some point right?

Hayley:get the drainer out of her..and let's hope it works

Hayley: C'mon Celeste..come back to us

She mumbles as her vitals seem to stabilize but she doesn't wake much like tommy who had gone through something similar

It made sense that the Dino gem’s power was in some way tied to its original. Though what she wanted to do was extremely dangerous, Tommy wanted to find another way, a way that wasnt so dangerous and could cost them someone so important to him.

“Celeste, this doesnt have to be done this way. There has to be another way.” Tommy chimed in at Celeste’s dismissal of Ethan’s concerns, “Too much can go wrong here, it’s not as simple as just getting you out of here.” Tommy added quickly after a moment. He knew why she was doing this and he would have done the same thing too, but he wished she didnt have to do this.

A short time later Celeste went to the quarry where she would be alone and be able to do what she needed to do, Tommy was anxious and wanted to be out there too, but the others kept him back. However things looked like they were working as they had hoped, it seemed like everything was going to be ok.

As soon as he heard the five words that came out of Celeste’s, Tommy felt his heart sink under the floor under him and he knew something like this was going to happen. Then he watched the camera feed as she passed out and watched as her vitals fell, he wanted to rush to her side but he was thankful that Connor’s passive gem abilities were back because in a flash he was on the camera feed and caught Celeste before she hit the ground. Tommy wanted to be there, “Connor bring her back here, we’ll work everything out here.” He said trying to get his love back close to him again where he could do something besides just gawking at a screen.

As the gem was pressed in her hand Tommy hoped beyond hope that everything was going to be ok. “Come on, come on wake up.” He said begging and hoping that she would wake up. Tommy now knew what it felt like for everyone to see him in a coma when he was in the same situation, he wished he could do something to help her, he remembered what happened with him and knew that she was in for a fight for her life.

[pianostarinwonderland]

if youre still doing the chara bingo what ab jade?? :O

[From here!]

Ah yes… 🧍Jade, my ex lover

Jade’s in my top 3 right now, behind Azul and Riddle. But back then, he used to be my bias. 😭 It started because of a fanart that made Jade look hot (and by hot, I mean he looked like Jonah Clemence, my previous love), and that was when I spiraled down. Funnily enough, a week after, chapter 3 concluded and I caught feelings for Azul. 🤡 But that’s another story.

Anyway, though I may not like Jade as passionately now, Jade can make my heart skip a beat. Sometimes, it’s really good fanart or MMDs. Other times, there’s a cute piece of information in the game about Jade. Currently, there’s this utauloid maker on Twitter mkbt_jnrk whose Jade utaus are so good??? 😭😭😭 I find myself going back to my Jade stan era listening to some of their Jade stuff. I’ll definitely talk about them in another post because man am I mentally ill about their works 🧍

Interestingly, a small discourse on Jade's character came up today when this post was in the drafts. Some people saw others interpreting Jade in the "uwu" light and made their arguments as to why Jade is manipulative and sadistic and generally just not a good person. It's not the first time this sort of thing happens in the fandom. In fact, being an Octavinelle stan and being surrounded by fellow Octavinelle stans also exposes me to seeing more of this discourse regarding "the uwu-ification of Octavinelle in the fandom". Usually, I chime in agreement to anyone telling me their opinions about Jade because I see they all have their points but also, I'd rather keep the conversation analytical than argumentative. But if I'm going to be truthful, my opinion of Jade is that he... can be both.

Jade is a beautiful character for many reasons. He's composed and collected, a contrast to his wilder and more spontaneous twin. He can help you, he can do the cooking and the cleaning, he's polite in his speech. But he's also notoriously more dangerous than Floyd. You don't know if he's being completely truthful or if he's spouting out ambiguous statements, you may not realize you're being used by him, or you may know you're being used by him but you don't know how you're being used by him. Jade's SSR dorm story illustrates this. Rook and Vil are two characters who are incredibly sharp about those kinds of people, and in the story, they knew he had intentions for being in Pomefiore, but they didn't know what they were, even after he returns to Octavinelle. Jade is cunning, and he's darn good at it. He knows how to control a situation. And by the Great Seven, I'd be absolutely terrified of him if he was real because I don't want to be played like that 💀

But at the same time, Jade shouldn't also be defined by his manipulative side and sadism. Here's where I'd talk about his love of mushrooms and outdoors and terrariums! ...if I didn't remember that he loves terrariums because he can be in control of who lives or dies.

Ok, but I want to mention how Jade is also not That brilliant of a guy as well 😂 I often find people making Jade out to be some god for his terrarium hobby and his whole scheming and manipulating. But this is the same guy who gets roped into eating Lilia's cooking by the ghost chefs in Lilia's Masterchef story because Jade kept encouraging Lilia to do his shit. And Jade was like, "Haha oh shit" by the end of the story. 😂 Also in his own Masterchef card lines, Jade deadass numbed his own tongue 😅 He's a funny teenager too, he's got his own moments where he's bad at math

Most importantly, I want to talk about how Jade values the people he's close to. In Floyd's dorm story, after Floyd told him of his adventures of acquiring the rights to the mystery drink, Jade goes, "I'm glad I chose you". He may be expressing that due to Floyd's genius, but it could also be because he's just happy to have Floyd in his life. Before Azul overblotted, he was talking him out of stealing powers so he won't head into overblot. After saving him from overblot, Jade's first instinct is to make sure Azul is okay, even expressing that he's glad that Azul is okay. I think those already speak of how much Jade cares, especially compared to Floyd where he called him lame 😂 And you know his famous betrayal line, how he would torment the person who betrayed them with his words before tying them up and tossing them into the sea. It shows his more mean side, that's true, but I also love to see it as a line that implies that he values loyalty. Once you're in his trusted circle, Jade will want to keep you in his life because he's grown to care about you and to trust you. Maybe he can actually be your nice butler man who'd still be a little shit to you. And if you break that trust after all he's done for you, well fucker, time to say hello to the deep deep bottom of the ocean

So yeah, feel free to see Jade as a nice patient butler type of guy who can do No wrong or a manipulative sadistic bitch. But for me, Jade is a yummy balance of both sides and more. 😋

[revchainsaw]

Stargate (1994)

Welcome to the Cult Film Tent Revival my freaky fanatics, prepare yourselves to take the sacrament from across the stars, as we engage in the miraculous works of one of our most beloved Cult Saints, Saint Kurt. Coming to us from the golden age of Sci-fi Adventures, when Hollywood would dump the big bucks into a film so out of this world, we are partaking this evening of 1994's Stargate!

The Message

Every child has an Egypt phase. I remember fondly flipping through my DK Eyewitness guide to ancient Egypt with my Anubis warrior action figure from the movie stargate propped up on my desk. This wasn't even school work, Egypt inspired this young freak to learn outside of the classroom, and Stargate inspired me to look to Egypt in the first place. My father was a military man, as mentioned before, and this film irked him to some degree. He hated that the film was slightly critical of firearms, but mostly he hated that it depicted the high security military installation where he worked unrealistically. You know the high security military installation in the side of Cheyenne Mountain. yeah, that one. I don't know why my father expected a bunch of nerds from Hollywood with not security clearance to have any idea what it looked like in that hyper-secure location, but he did. I suspect after they lost him on the guns he was looking for any reason to hate Stargate, and so, impressionable as I was, I thought for years that this movie was really stupid.

Thank the Gods of Cult that I had the inspiration to give this film a second chance. I have to say, it's a little stupid, but it's not REALLY stupid. Also, Disney's Atlantis is totally just animated Stargate, and that's pretty fucked up.

Stargate is the story of how a big old nerd, whos name is NOT Milo, played by James Spader was enlisted by a bunch of military bad guy types to use his crackpot pseudoscience egyptology crap to decipher a bunch of writings that every other scientist or academic was wrong about. When he does this he succesfully creates a Stargate, a bridge between our world and another.

Our other hero is Sergeant Kurt Russell. Russell is sitting around trying to take two and not call his doctor in the morning, just generally being sad about guns because his son accidentally shot himself. Like father like son I guess. Sorry if that sounds cruel, it's just so desperately reaching for pathos and drama that it kind of enters into the realm of parody parody. I may have been raised by gun nuts, but I am very pro depicting guns as dangerous. Stargate is about as subtle as a pie in the face, or a bullet in the face. Ok, I'm done. Anyway, the military has one more mission for Kurt and he decides for some reason that means that guns are good again for killing bad guys, except for later when he decides that guns are bad again.

So Disney's Atlantis and Guile from Street Fighter enter the Stargate and discover a world where illiterate humans are kept in subjugation by a ruling class of aliens who use them to mine precious minerals and demand to be worshipped as Gods. The leader of these aliens is an immortal alien being who has possessed the body of a teen boy pop sensation and goes by the name of Ra.

James Spader is gifted a wife by the locals because it's so quirky that women are property, i guess, but it's okay because they happen to be in love, and with her help he is able to learn the truth behind this worlds condition. Ra had built the Stargate to travel between worlds and was worshipped in Ancient Egypt, however the people got wise to his BS and he had to escape. He took many humans hostage and crossed the stargate and then banned reading and writing as an attempt to quell any kind of uprising, and it's worked for a long time.

Ra is pissed at the earth boys though because he knows a nuclear weapon when he sees one. Turns out Kurt Russell brought a big ol bomb with him across the stargate as a contingency plan for any aggro aliens they may have found. Hey, they found them so I guess it wasn't too bad of an idea. Ra punishes his worshippers by having them mercilessly bombed and Spader and Russell team up with the locals to revolt. They eventually gain the upper hand and Ra attempts to flee with his Pyramid space ship but our heroes teleport the nuke onto his ship and save the day. Thus launching several Sci-Fi television series that I have never watched.

The Benediction

Best Scene: Ra Footage

The Throne Room Scene where we are first introduced to Ra and his godlike warriors is pretty excellent. It's so menacing how he surrounds himself with a force field of children, and the combination of futuristic technology with an ancient Egyptian aesthetic that this film sells itself on is on it's ultimate display in this scene. I really like the villains in this movie and I savor whenever they get to be shown off.

Best effect: Mastadge Ride

The CG on Stargate is better than in Species which sought to be it's competitor a year later, but it is still dated. It's utilized in cool enough ways and sparingly enough that even though it looks cartoony at moments it is very easy to forgive. Being Easy to forgive however, would be a pretty lackluster qualification for best effect and I'm going to have to turn this honor to the practical creature effects for the Mastadge. When we are first introduced to our alien world one the first things we see is the fuzzy maw of one of these creatures, before it takes James Spader for a very harrowing trip across the desert. These alien beasts of burden do sometimes reveal that they are mounted upon horses, but in close ups they just look so good. I love them and I want one.

Worst Scene: It's just sad OK!

Kurt Russell becomes very popular with the young men from the village of Ra's worshippers. They come to see him as some kind of hero and seek to emulate him. However, these people are very peaceful and not in any way battle hardened. A group of the young men stand up to the leaders and seek to aid the Earthlings in their revolution. They are brave but in many ways out classed by Ra's elite guards. Through the sheer force of numbers they do succeed in casting off the shackles of their oppressors but not before one of the young men we've come to care about is tragically blasted all to shit in slow mo. That scene made me cry a ton when I was a kid, and I dreaded waiting for it as an adult. It is worth noting that if you aren't 5 years old a lot of the drama in Stargate is pretty hamfisted and corny. It's a pretty excellent action movie, and a pretty goofy drama.

Coolest looking Villain: Animals as Leaders

I used to think that Ra was really stupid looking, but I was a kid and was biased towards cool warriors with animal heads, but I really have a much better appreciation for the effects and costume design of all of the godly villain crew than I used to. That said, The Anubis guy in particular still holds up. It's the dope Jackal head, the teal of the armor. It's what I picture when I picture Stargate. The Horus guys are also worth a mention with their awesome hawk jets. I couldn't pick a "Best" villain, so I went with the Coolest Looking.

Worst Aspect: Lacking Character

When I have fond thoughts of Stargate, they almost never revolve around the characters, or if they do it's in a juvenile manner. Who had cool armor, who had cool weapons, or who did the coolest thing? I have a hard time caring about these meandering people. They are inconsistent. They have no flaws that they work on or grow from. They are special because the script insists that it's so, and I don't really care if they succeed or fail at any point in the film. It's a shame because we have a good set up, and good lore. If at any point any body acted like a real person I think Stargate would be better remembered as a film than as the weird older sibling of a long running television series.

Summary

I'd like to say that Stargate succeeds at everything it's trying to do, but it doesn't. Stargate fails in the tragedy and pathos it attempts to create within it's characters; but it does succeed in almost every other way. Stargate is an engaging and exciting action movie. Stargate delivers on it's science fiction concept, and provides some fun fantasy lore to round out it's world building. Stargate is also a great looking (at most times) special effects spectacle. For all of those reasons, It is not a great film, but it is pretty darn good film.

Overall Grade: B

[willymywonkers]

A Trip into the Factory

Summary: Maude gets invited into the factory for the first time in years. Chaos and fluff ensues.

A/N: This really is an excuse for me to try and write Wonka a little better. It's not too great I'll admit that, but I'm still getting used to writing him, lmaoooo.

It was a typical Tuesday afternoon for Maude, which mainly included grading assignments and checking over the kids work.

However, there was one thing different about this Tuesday. Charlie invited her over to the factory for dinner.

Usually she'd be happy to visit the Buckets, the only set back here was actually going into the factory.

Ever since Wonka and her reunited, things had been a little rocky. Maude was always busy with her students, and tried to creating some order in her schedule. Will was busy mentoring Charlie around the factory. There wasn't any time for them to really connect.

"Sure, I think she would thoroughly enjoy the factory, heh." Willy said, trying very hard to seem confident.

"And, when you're done, we can have dinner with my family." Charlie smiled with excitement.

"Yeah." Will gulped, slightly.

This was one of Willy Wonka's rare moments where he was uncertain. Usually, he knew exactly how people would react when entering the factory, but Maude was a different story. She helped sculpt every room when it was first built.

Willy had planned on asking Maude to move in with him before she got married. Being business partners was one thing, but being actually together was another. He knew from the start on why he didn't like her husband. Even during the wedding, Willy tried to be supportive of her. Hell, he even made especially for her a dozen chocolate roses. His feelings for her never really went away. He just wanted her to be happy.

After being isolated from the world for over 15 years, it really took a toll on how he interacted with others.

Meanwhile, Maude was dealing with her own worries. She looked at herself in the mirror, constantly overthinking.

She needed to leave in about 30 minutes, and that wasn't enough time either. Maude rummaged through her closet desperately searching for something to wear. Eventually, she found a brown dress that was casual enough to wear without looking completely overdressed.

She slipped on some heels and grabbed her coat before heading out the door. She was lucky the factory was walking distance from her house, but when the gates opened, she was extremely hesitant to go inside.

'Come on, Maude. Don't be pathetic.' She thought as her hand was just inches away from the door.

She bit her lip, tapping her gloved fist against the cold steel door.

Suddenly, there was a click and the door swung open. Maude stepped back, surprised a little at the sudden opening of the door.

Wonka stood just a little bit outside the door. He smiled, greeting Maude at the door.

"Heh, welcome, Maude." Will flashed a big smile at her.

She smiled back, taking off her coat. "It's quite warm in here, Will."

"Ah yes. It's because of my oompa loompas. They just can't stand the cold."

Maude tilted her head at Will. "Right, and what are oompa loompas again?"

Charlie had told her about these 'oompa loompas' but she wasn't entirely sure about what they are.

"Oh, well, they're my workers. They were directly imported from Loopmaland." Will explained as the two walked down the large hall.

"Loopmaland? I've never heard of that place before." Maude seemed to look even more confused.

"Well, I discovered it while I was searching the world of exotic candy." Will hummed.

Maude couldn't help, but be amazed at the amount of things Will had done throughout the years. Maude felt that she didn't really accomplish anything. After she left Ron, she mostly did boring adult stuff. When she worked in the factory, Maude felt unique and carefree. Will would listen to all her ideas for different kinds of mixtures. She remembered a time where she felt happy being in the factory, because it almost was a sanctuary to her.

The hallway began to get slimmer and slimmer. Soon enough Maude and Willy crouched down to get to the very small door at the end of the hallway.

"I don't remember the chocolate room being this small." Maude joked, trying not to hit her head on the suddenly short ceiling.

Willy shook his head. "It's not. Just watch."

Just as he turned the key, a whole world was opened up for Maude. Her eyes widened. Her lips parted at the view.

It was meadows of gorgeous green grass, and luscious chocolate river that flowed throughout the factory.

There was buttercups at her feet, and a jelly pumpkin on her right.

Maude felt overwhelmed with joy. "You did all this?" Her voice was below a whisper.

Willy smiled wide. "Yeah, I did."

Maude turned to Willy, smiling dreamily at him. "Wow.." Her body suddenly when limp, as she passed out in a sudden trance.

Willy panicked, catching her before she hit the ground. "Maude? Maude!!"

She snapped out of her trance. "Yes? Yes! I'm awake."

Will took a deep breath. "Heh, good. I was worried that I killed ya there."

Maude chuckled, blushing slightly by the way Wonka was holding her.

Wonka seemed to noticed it too. He cleared his throat. "Well, let's get a move on. There's lots of things I wanna show you."

He set Maude back down on her feet. She chuckled nervously, still amazed at the view.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of low drumming. A purple sea horse shaped boat pulled up right next to Willy and Maude.

"Hop on board!" Willy stepped onto the boat, with Maude following behind.

The Oompa Loompas seemed to be chattering amongst themselves and chuckling.

"What are they laughing about?" Maude chuckled.

He laughed nervously. "Surely, it's from all those doggone coca beans. They're a bit of a handful."

Maude smiled. "They seem quite lovely. I think I got a report from Charlie, talking about living with the Oompa Loompas. It was incredibly-"

"Weird?" Willy interrupted.

"Yeah, but, a good kind of weird." Maude chuckled. "You're a great mentor."

Willy's smile faltered slightly. "Well, I have to get him prepared to run this factory. There's not a lot of people I could trust to hold the secret recipes, and keep them secret."

"Right."

"I guess the only other person would be you."

Maude's expression shifted from happiness to a bit of sadness. She attempted to smile. "Thank you, Will."

She stared blankly for a few seconds. She began to remember Ron's horrid yelling.

"You'll always be in his shadow, Maude. Don't you want your own factory? He stole most of your ideas, Maude. A few of his would be nothing."

Maude would always refuse to steal from Will. Ron would call her a coward. Still, this torment would go on for hours, until she resigned.

The boat began to diverge into a dark tunnel. Maude's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the Oompa Loompas drumming as it began to get faster and faster.

"Can they see where they're going?" Maude said, as she turned to Willy.

"Hehe, no." Will chuckled. "There's no telling where they're going."

Maude's face turned pale as she held on to the side of the boat.

The boat suddenly took sharp dive right into the tunnel. The boat looped and turned as chocolate splashed its sides. Maude suddenly had her arms around Wonka's, holding onto dear life. Will looked over at her a little surprised. In most situations, Will despised human contact. Here, he was just amused. Even when he was a little boy, he hates when adults touched his hair, or even when they lightly tapped his shoulder. However, he was very loose when it came to Maude. She didn't appreciate close contact either, but in very few moments, Maude would casually touch his hand accidentally. She would always say sorry, but it was strange because Will didn't mind it. It was an odd connection between the two. They really just couldn't explain it.

Maude was still holding onto Will as the boat came to a stop. She sighed in relief, but quickly let go of Will.

"Sorry." Maude muttered.

Will gulped. "No matter. Let's continue."

The boat had stopped in front of the experimentation room, a place where Maude was quite familiar with.

"The experiments room. I'm pretty sure you know this one, heh." Will said, hoping off the boat.

Maude looked around, admiring the enormous amounts of lab equipment, as well as different kinds of experiments. "Oh, wow. It's gotten quite modernized."

"You're darn right. I've testing out a ton of new candy, but sometimes it's so hard to focus on one." Willy turned towards a big machine. He turned it on and out came a single stick of gum.

"This piece, right here, is a full 3 course dinner all in itself."

Maude picked up the stick of gum, and simply looked at it.

"I wouldn't eat it. There's still a few things wrong with the mixture."

"I see, and what seems to be wrong with it." Maude carefully set the stick back down.

"Well, it's ok, once it gets to the end. It's the blueberry pie that does it. I've tried it on like 20 Oompa Loompas, and each one ended up like a giant blueberry."

"Do you think it's because you made the mixture of the pie too strong?" Maude examined the sample closely, just before sticking it in her mouth.

"Yeah, well." Will's eyes widened as she stuck the gum in her mouth. "Just spit it out once it gets too sweet."

The flavors were very incredible, however it didn't mask the faint blueberry aftertaste that plagued each flavor. Once it got a but too sweet, she immediately spat it out.

Will looked at her with a bit of disgust. He kept a bit of a distance from her. After a few moments, nothing happened.

"I think I know the problem. The blueberry pie mixture is too strong. It masks all the other flavors with a sweet aftertaste." Maude put the gum in the nearest trash can. "If you eliminate that strong aftertaste, then I believe the gum should be just fine."

Willy's expression turned from disgust to ecstatic in a matter of seconds. He grabbed Maude by the hand, and shook it vigorously. "Maude, you're a genius. Absolutely incredible. I don't get why I didn't think of that sooner."

Maude smiled slightly. "This is just like old times. Remember when we were experimenting with those fizzy lifting bubbles? We flew so high. We almost lost our heads."

"Yeah, haha. I remember." Will nodded, still holding onto Maude's hand.

"I remember Ron being so worried." Maude laughed.

Willy's smile soon faded. "Yeah, him."

Hearing that name again really made Will's blood boil. He had an idea what was happening with Maude and Ron. Will had really hoped Maude would choose candy making over Ron, because that's what made her happy.

His gloved hand had a tight hold on Maude's. "It's really weird, heh."

"What is?" Maude asked.

"Being here with you. I just would've figured you'd always be with me, making candy in the factory."

"Well, I'm here right now."

"That's not what I mean."

Maude tilted her head up at him, a little confused. They looking into each other's eyes for a moment. His gorgeous purple eyes burrow deep into her dark chocolate ones.

He leaned in, giving Maude a tiny peck on the lips. It was quick and painless. Still, it made Maude go red as a cherry.

Willy giggled, wiping the tiny kiss off his lips.

"W-wow.." Maude muttered. "That was unexpected." She blinked for a few moments, promptly pinching herself, before even realizing what had happened.

"Heh, I've always wanted to try that." Will said, smiling wide. "Kissing is so weird."

"But it's a good kind of weird." Maude chuckled, as she pulled Will into another kiss.

This was so much better than she could've imagined.

[transformationloveb]

Torn Apart: A Sanders Sides Fanfiction Chapter 2: That Sinking Feeling

It's been about an hour since Roman's abduction, and Wrath just finished what he had planned to do to Roman for the day. Namely hitting Roman, gripping him so hard it left a bruise, and Cutting his arms. Wrath sighs in content and throws the shard of the sword he had been using back into the pile with all the other broken shards of Roman's blade. "All in a day's work." Wrath says, content with himself.

Wrath walks over to the door that goes out of the room. "Oh and, by the way. You'll receive your food in a few hours. Maybe that'll give you something to look forward to." Wrath laughs as he closes the door behind him, leaving Roman alone in that torture chamber.

Roman currently isn't doing so great. His arms were covered in bleeding cuts as well as bruises. His neck seemed to recieve the same treatment. Right now, Roman is exaughsted, and not only do his arms and neck hurt, but his throat had started to hurt from all the screaming he had been doing. Partially from pain and partially trying to get someone's attention. Hoping someone, anyone could hear his cries other than the side hurting him. Unfortunetly though, his efforts were in vain, because none of the other sides were able to hear him.

He just wanted this all to end. He wanted to wake up and realize that this was all a bad dream and that he was actually safe and with his friends. Unfortunetly though, that wasn't gonna happen. This is not a dream.

Roman was extremely exaughsted and tired. And because of this, he was finally able to fall asleep.

.

.

.

Meanwhile, Janus, Patton, and Remus were all in the mind scape living room. Janus and Patton were baking cookies and Remus was watching them from the couch and yelling out any random thought that came to mind.

Janus and Patton mostly ignored him.

"I'm glad you and Roman have been getting along better recently." Patton says as he cracks some eggs and puts them in the bowl.

"If you gave one of the other sides poison, would they die?"

"Yeah i am too." Janus says, responding to Patton. "Don't forget the vanilla." "Oh, right. Thanks!" Patton says, grabbing the vanilla from the cupboard. "Let's put some poison in the cookies!!!" Remus yells from the couch. "No Remus!!!" Janus yells back. "We're not gonna put poison in the cookies!" "Aw, come on!!!" Remus groans, slumping down a bit.

Janus sighs and refocuses back on baking. "You know, it's fun having someone else to bake with now other than Virgil." Patton says. "Really? How so?" Janus asks. "Well, don't get me wrong, baking with Virgil is fun and all, but It just tends to not ever happen." Patton pours in some vanilla. "He tends to stay in his room, and I don't wanna bother him, so I tend to end up baking on my own." Janus smiles a bit. "Well hey, you've got me here as your baking buddy now!" Patton smiles. "Yeah, thanks Janus." "Anytime my friend."

"You two are boring!!!" Remus calls from the couch. "Well if we're so boring, then why don't you go find someone else to pester?" Janus retorts. "I can't pester anyone else!" Remus groans. "Roman either doesn't pay any attention to me or just kicks me out of his room. Logan's too hyperfocused on his work, and if I go pester Virgil, he'll have a little freakout and kick me out as well!" "Well darn, looks like you're stuck with the boring ones." Patton teases, grabbing the flour out of the cupboard. "I know! It's awful!!" Remus responds. Janus chuckles as Patton pours 3 cups of flour into the bowl.

.

.

"Hey, Patton?" "Hm?" Patton looks up from the bowl and over at Janus. "Do you think Roman is doing ok?" Janus asks, starring to stir the batter. "I mean, he 'definatly hasn't' been going through...a big change recently." "Don't worry Janus!" Patton says as he grabs some chocolate chips. "I think he's doing much better than he was originally." "What if we put concrete in the batter." "I mean you two both made up, and everyone's been on pretty good terms with each other since!" Patton continues. "Yeah, I suppose you're right." Janus says, handing Patton the bowl. "I've just got this sinking feeling that Roman's not feeling too great."

"If he was going through something, he would let us know." Patton says. Janus gives Patton a look. "Ok fine, he didn't tell us last time, but things have changed! We're all on good terms and We've all agreed that if one of us isn't feeling too great about ourselves we can always tell the others how we're feeling!" Janus sighs and nods. Patton was right. He was probably just overthinking things. I mean, it's not like Roman's getting hurt or something.

Right?

[katedrakeohd]

#Wacky Drabbles

Prompt #4 we need to identify the source of the problem

For @emceesynonymroll and my fellow:

Wacky Drabblers: @jessiembruno @brightpinkpeppercorn @jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @bobasheebaby @burnsoslow

@qween-corgis

Rated: PG for swearing

Word count: approx 3000

Dinner Discourse

Drake sits at the kitchen table watching Kate help her mother prepare dinner. He can't help but notice how much Kate and Lorraine look alike in their matching aprons. Although Lorraine’s hair is shorter and contains more grey, it's similar in color to Kate’s, and they're close to being the same height. While Kate chops ingredients for salad, her mother is stirring a pot of sauce on the stove. As they chat quietly at the counter, Lorraine periodically scolds Kate for talking with her hands while she's holding a knife.

Lorraine glances over her shoulder at Drake when he starts chuckling, “I didn't know that preparing food was a spectator sport. Or that it was so entertaining.”

Drake grins back, “I like to watch Kate work in the kitchen. It's such a rare thing to see these days. Besides if you think she looks dangerous talking with a knife in her hand you should have seen her cut our wedding cake with a sword!”

Kate shoots a glare at Drake for mentioning the wedding that her Mom wasn't even invited to. When her Mom's mouth drops open in shock, Kate gestures toward her with the knife in her hand and gives him a disapproving look. Seriously? He shrugs back at her and mouths sorry.

Lorraine admonishes Kate for her reckless behavior, “Seriously? Isn't using a sword a little bit dramatic even if you are a Duchess now?”

Kate pops a slice of cucumber into her mouth before answering. “Well the sword was a wedding gift. At least it was thoroughly cleaned off before the cake cutting. It came in very handy when I was fighting assassins earlier that day.” Kate's amused by her Mom's wide eyed expression when she looks at Drake to confirm what she's just heard.

“Fighting off assassins on your wedding day? You can't be serious.”

Drake gets up from the table and walks over to give Kate a hug from behind and a kiss on the cheek. “Oh we're deadly serious. The two of us were even kidnapped from our wedding reception. Your daughter and I fought off a whole crew of bad guys with the help of our friends. Kate is a total badass.”

Lorraine steps back from the stove, her hand going to her hip as she tries to make sense of what she's hearing. She points her finger at them both. “Oh my God why didn't you tell me any of this? Or that you were in so much danger?” Although the question is directed at Kate, her eyes are glaring at Drake accusingly as if it's his fault her daughter was in harm's way.

Kate leans back into Drake and his arms tighten around her protectively. “Look Mom, it's not like you could have done anything about my situation. I have Drake to protect me, and I have bodyguards and powerful friends who will always have my back. I'm not some quivering flower either. Besides I survived living in New York city by myself long before Drake even met me.”

“All kidding aside Mrs. Darling, I love Kate and I'd never let anything bad happen to her. I've taken a bullet for her, and even won a duel against a trained swordsman in defense of her honor. I assure you she's in good hands.” Drake insists.

Turning back to the stove to tend to the pots and picking up her spoon again, Lorraine shakes her head and sighs. “The fact that you had to put your own life on the line and be so brave to protect my daughter does little to reassure me Drake. As much as I appreciate you being there for her, it's the fact that there are people out there wanting to do her harm that worries me.”

Kate pats Drake on the arm and then he lets her go back to finish making the salad.

“I told you Drake, my Mom's no pushover. You'll have to rope the darn moon to make her happy.”

Lorraine chuckles, “Well I don't know about roping the moon, but he can start by setting the table for dinner.”

Drake nods, “Yes ma'am.” And after being shown where to find everything he goes to work setting the table for four.

Kate steals glances at Drake as he moves from cupboard to table. As she watches him place each item carefully, she can't help but smile. He catches her watching him and winks back with a grin. Lorraine sees Kate blush and look away, shaking her head.

“Geez daughter of mine I haven't seen you blush over a boy since you were in high school. He must really be something.”

Kate grins at her mother, “Oh you have no idea. He's more than just something, he's everything.”

Lorraine laughs, “I used to think the same thing about your Dad, until he ran away with his young Brazilian intern. But look at you going and landing yourself a Duke.”

Kate tosses the vegetables in the bowl with a pair of tongs. “Well ….actually he married a Duchess. He was just a poor homeless shmuck before he met me.”

Drake protests with a laugh, “Hey I wasn't homeless.”

“If I had accepted Nicholas’ proposal I would have so totally kicked you out of the Palace,” Kate teases as she places the salad bowl on the table.

Drake slips an arm around her back, untying her apron strings. “Well then this poor shmuck is lucky you turned him down then. Otherwise taking that bullet to the arm was a total waste of time.”

Lorraine turns around and leans against the counter, her arms crossed. “Oh my goodness you two lead interesting lives don't you? Bullets, assassins, multiple proposals it's like you live in a movie or a novel.”

Kate laughs, “Well actually we do! One of our friends documented the whole thing. I'll have to send you a copy of his book.”

“Well I suppose that's one way to get caught up on what I've been missing. I saw you two on the cover of a magazine at the grocery store, and couldn't believe it. I so wish I could have been at the wedding. It's not everyday that your daughter gets married and becomes a National hero at the same time.”

“Actually to make sure it was extra official we got married twice,” Kate chuckles as Drake wraps her in a hug.

When the oven timer beeps Lorraine grabs her oven mitts and takes the tray of meatballs out of the oven.

“What do you mean twice? Oh never mind, I don't need to know.” Lorraine sighs, turning off the oven.

While Lorraine is busy at the stove, Drake slips his hand behind Kate's apron and places it on her belly. He leans in and whispers into her ear. “Should we tell her?”

Kate tips her head to the side and gives him a kiss. “Sssh, not yet.”

Turning around from the stove, Lorraine unties her own apron and sets it aside. “Ok you love birds, save the smooching and sweet nothings for later. Dinner's ready and as soon as Carol gets home we'll dish up. In the meantime I need to round up the cats and feed them too.”

Kate's eyes light up, “Ooh can I help? I want to meet the kitties.”

She pulls off her apron and tosses it at Drake. “Here hold this for me. Can we trust you all by yourself in the kitchen with all this food?”

Drake's stomach growls. Between all the delicious smells in the kitchen he wasn't so sure he could be trusted. He grins, pulling out his phone. “I make no promises. But I'll try to distract myself by checking in with Mara and giving her a situation report.”

Lorraine frowns at Kate as they exit the kitchen. “Who's Mara?”

Kate reaches out and touches her arm to reassure her, “My bodyguard. She's back in Seattle at the hotel. It was tough to convince her to stay behind today. But I promised her we'd check in regularly, and contact the local authorities if anything bad happened.”

Her mother nods, “Does Drake have a bodyguard too?”

Kate glances over her shoulder back toward the kitchen as they go down the hall, lowering her voice. “He does, but Drake is so used to looking after himself that he rarely sees the need to give him much work outside of Cordonia. He left Preston back in Valtoria with instructions to keep watch over the estate.”

Back in the kitchen, Drake leans against the counter and talks to Mara on the phone. In his other hand is the remainder of his chocolate donut.

“Everything is fine Mara, aside from some delinquent water fowl there hasn't been anything to worry about.”

On the other end of the line Mara sounds agitated and out of breath, evidently she's been pacing the room and waiting for his call. “I don't like it. I should be there to keep an eye on you and Kate. With all the added attention this Royal Heir business has brought upon you both we never know who we can trust.”

With a sigh Drake takes a bite of donut, “Well I'm pretty sure we're safe with Kate's mother. But if it'll make you feel better you can coordinate with the local authorities in Klamath Falls to be on alert in case we need assistance.” Damn what a mother hen she is. Surely this will give her something to do in our absence.

Mara's smile of relief is audible in her voice, “I'll get right on that Your Grace. Oh and at what hour should I expect you and the Duchess back at the hotel tonight?”

Drake chews on his lip hesitantly before answering, “Well considering the length of the drive and that we're just about to sit down for dinner, it's not likely we'll be back tonight.”

“But that's..that's unacceptable and a serious breach of protocol. I insist that you reconsider your decision to stay overnight Your Grace.”

Drake runs his hand through his hair in frustration, “I seriously don't see a problem Mara. There's no foreseeable threat. Just do as I asked and then get some sleep. We'll be back in the morning.”

Before she can protest further he hangs up.

Great. Now she's got me all nervous about being out here in buttfuck nowhere without backup. Thanks a lot.

Out in the backyard in the diminished light of early evening, a fox silently trots toward the poultry pen. Sniffing the air and with his tail held low he discerns no obvious threats. This wasn't his first visit. Poking his snout through the waffled metal fence, he clamps down on the metal wire with his teeth and tugs in an attempt to loosen it from the wooden frame. When it doesn't budge, he paws at the soft ground next to the fence instead and begins to dig a hole.

On the far side of the pen by the gate, Clem is resting with his face tucked under his wing. The sound of scratching jolts him out of his doze and he puffs out his feathers and opens his beak to hiss a warning. The fox stops digging and crouches low to begin wriggling under the fence. With a flap of his wings and a strangled hissing honk, Clem launches himself across the pen to attack the intruder. With gnashing teeth the fox fights back with a yip and a snarl. Clem flaps his wings and beats the fox around the head until he struggles his way back out of the hole. The fox shakes off the dirt from his fur and then sneezes before running away. Clem sees the hole as a new point of escape, ducking his head and attempting to fit under the fence. He only gets halfway through and gets stuck, one wing on either side of the fence. In his panicked state he starts flapping his wings and honking loudly.

In the kitchen the sudden commotion caused Drake to almost choke on the last bite of his donut. What the fuck is Clem up to now?

The headlights of Carol’s Jeep illuminate the front yard as she pulls into the driveway. As she parks next to Drake's rented black Lexus, she can't help but raise her eyebrows. Apparently the Duke and Duchess travel in style.

When she cuts the engine Clem’s loud honking meets her ears. Looking toward the house she's surprised to see a man in a white dress shirt and jeans come out through the screen door carrying a broom.

Well hello there handsome stranger, you must be Drake.

In the glaring flood of her headlights he raises a hand to shield his eyes. Oops sorry.

Shutting off her lights, Carol gets out of the Jeep. “Hi there. You must be Drake.”

Drake smiles, giving a slight nod. “Carol, I assume.”

Stepping forward, Carol sticks out her hand in greeting. Drake wipes his hand on his jeans and then accepts her handshake. Clem continues to honk loudly.

“I see you're armed. Is the darn goose causing problems again?” she laughs.

Drake looks down at the broom in his hand, “It seemed to do the trick earlier, so I figured why not.”

“Well I guess we need to identify the source of the problem then. I'll lead the way.” Carol says, stepping past Drake.

He makes an “after you" gesture with his arm and then falls in behind her. As they come around to the back of the house, the other feathered residents in the chicken coop are also raising a fuss. Carol checks the latch on Clem's pen and sees it still fastened.

“Ok well he didn't get out this way.”

Pointing with the handle of the broom in the dim light Drake says, “Nope, from the looks of things he's found another way. Or at least he tried.”

Clem has stopped struggling and is just laying there wedged and wailing.

“Now what?” Carol wonders.

“Well with his wings out like that he can't really move forward or backward. So we need to get him to fold up a wing and either back up or squeeze the rest of the way through.” Drake offers with a shrug.

“Ok then Sir Broomsalot, which end do you want to tackle? Cuz he's either gonna snap and hiss from the front, or blow shit all over you from the back.” Carol laughs.

“Well he's better off back in his pen than out of it. So I'll tackle him from the front. I have the broom for protection.” Drake says, apprehensively.

“You don't sound so sure about this plan.” Carol says, placing her hand on the top of the gate preparing to get in with Clem.

Drake walks around the enclosure to the opposite side. “Well I'd rather just whack the hell out of him until he pops through, but that's liable to break a wing or maim him in some other way.”

Carol chuckles, “That wouldn't hurt my feelings. But it wouldn't do him any good to die of an infection before we're ready to…you know.”

Drake looks down at the silly goose as he hisses and snaps at him. “Ok here's the plan. I’ll use the broom to deflect his head and neck back toward his body. Then I'll fold in his wing and then shove him back through. Can you grab him by the legs and pull?”

Carol laughs as she gets into the pen, “Ok, it's worth a shot. It wouldn't be the first time the damn bastard has shit on me.”

Drake nods, crouching down with the flat side of the broom as a shield in front of him, “Alrighty then, here goes.”

Clem honks and starts to flap his wings in protest as Drake presses the broom into the side of his face. But with his head and neck turned to the side he stops struggling. Drake braces the broom with his knee and then carefully folds in his wing the best he can. “Ok now pull.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Carol turns her head to the side and then yanks the goose by the legs and whips him off to the side. In a flurry of flapping and feathers, Clem tumbles across the pen and then rights himself again. With a flap of his wings and a shake of his head he seems to be more or less back to normal, save for a few lost feathers.

Drake drops back on his ass on the ground, laughing. Carol scrambles to her feet and gestures for Drake to help her up over the side of the pen. “Hey! Get off yer ass and help me outta here.”

“Oh right.” Drake rolls over and gets up. He sticks the broom down into the pen and Carol steps up on the side of it, and then scrambles over the side with his help.

Glancing around for something to block the hole, she points to a large plant pot nearby. “Can you lift that? Use it to block the hole for tonight?”

Drake frowns, sucking in a breath and then letting it out with a shrug. “Ok sure.”

Carol opens her mouth to offer to help, but then Drake squats and lifts the planter of flowers easily and places it next to the fence.

“Wow, brains and brawn. You're the complete package aren't you.” Carol chuckles.

“He sure is,” a voice says from behind them.

Carol and Drake turn to see Kate coming out of the backdoor. “Uh Carol, this is my wife Kate.” Drake says with a grin, wiping his hands on his jeans.

“Oh my goodness if you're not the spitting image of your mother!” Carol exclaims happily.

Kate nods and laughs, “Thanks, now if you two are done playing duck-duck-goose, why don't you come in for supper?”

Drake bows his head to Kate and gives her a wink and smile, “Yes ma'am.”

Continue to the next part