#don't hold me to that im horrible at keeping schedules lmao

[azhdarchidae]

Mental health is so bad rn im questioning if it's ever been good. I was excited to graduate school and start the rest of my life but now I'm scared what will happen without that structure. I do need a break but I'm gonna get so sick of my parents if I spend all my time at home. I've lost all my passions and feelings so going to class is just a chore i force myself to do but without anything external forcing me to go outside and keep a regular sleep schedule especially in winter I'm scared I'll be on a downward spiral. But I know I need a break too if I just get a job straight away I'll get even more burnt out. I don't know what to do. I guess I've got to give myself some tasks to do, pick some new goal to work towards. If i don't care then any goal is as good as any other. Anxiety corrupts everything I do, everything becomes terrifying, it's like a fog around everything I can't escape. God I don't know. I actually want meds at this point, before I was too scared of being dependent on anything but now I don't feel like I have a choice, like I am actually unable of controlling my anxiety or being happy on my own. It's a waking nightmare to be completely honest and I can't think my way out of it because the thing that does the thinking is generating the nightmare. Grrrrrrrrrrrrargh. I do have to believe it's going to get better I know life moves like a wave and if I just keep going eventually something will change. But god I feel so defeated

Yeah idk I thought somehow that my anxiety would disappear like that it was a childhood phase I would grow out of once I did enough Cool Shit and i thought i had grown out of it but i was really just suppressing my feelings & covering it up with alcohol at social events lmao. All my life really I dreamed of a magical solution or some dramatic shift that would save me and make me happy and lovable and worthy. But ive moved across the continent twice and changed my gender and if those arent dramatic enough changes then nothing is. My last hope was moving out of my parents i thought. I dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I dont know. That getting to be on my own would fix me. But now I know it wont I tried having jobs and that was my lowest point. SO i dont think living on my own would be that much different. I want to do it anyway but I have no hope itll fix me. I'm facing the scary prospect that I'm gonna be the same person forever like I can't run away from how my brain works. Horrible actually. Yarghghghghghghghhghghghghgh

I want desperately to be someone else, someone whos attractive and confident and unbothered and doesnt have all these rigid neuroses. But i just feel like its impossible I keep being defeated when I try to become them. It's like I always return to this place of loneliness and alienation and numbness. I fucking hate it here but i'm its bitch it has a hold on me. What the hell do i do???? God

[newathens]

a pawn to you

pairing: percy x annabeth (sorta annabeth centric)

rating: teen audiences

genre: angst

summary: 

“Looks like you’re the one who’s going to have to go on a wild goose chase for the lost demigod now, huh?”

—immortals are petty. the shallows inspired; i thought, huh, this would be a bad situation for annabeth chase, the daughter of athena, to get caught in. finished up fic from almost a year ago.

read on AO3

    The first thing she felt was the sun, hot and ferocious, beating down on her face, her arms, her legs; blinding the world from her as she woke. The second thing was pain, a sharp, persistent ache that stretched down her entire leg.

    Reflexively, she glanced down and only one thought came to mind: she wish she had never woken up in the first place.

    The memories, or rather lack thereof, hit her like a wave, just like the ones yesterday had. That’s where it started: water. She had been surrounded by it—engulfed would be more correct, thrown into a whirlwind of saltwater. Her sense of direction had disappeared, the waves throwing her against rock after rock after rock. By the time she’d breach the surface, her lungs were aflame and her first inhale of oxygen was exhaled as a scream.

    No one was there, wherever there was. All she had found was a small beach, a slopping landscape, and a wide expanse of sparkling ocean, the sun glinting off its surface. Panic had set her mind in a haze, but she’d still had enough sense to start swimming towards the beach. That plan, of course, had been interrupted by it.

    She still wasn’t sure what it was. A monster, no doubt, but it wasn’t a monster she’d ever read about before, wasn’t a monster who had the misfortune of crossing her path, wasn’t even a monster she’d witnessed down in Tartarus. It was different, ancient and very, very large, with scales darker than obsidian, as if it had been birthed straight from the inky black of the ocean’s depths. That’s the idea she’d settled on, ever since she’d first laid eyes on it. It had yanked her under the water by her leg and the pain that had sprouted from its grip was enough for sun spots to dance across her vision, but once they’d cleared she had gotten a glimpse of the creature. It was easily four times her size, with two rows of spiked teeth and piercing yellow eyes. She’d scrambled to the surface, trailing blood behind her, and swam for the closest spot of land in sight, which wound up being a collection of rocks jutting out of the water, surrounded by corals and driftwood.

    Annabeth had hauled herself onto it, biting back the pain of her wound, and watched in desperation, as the creature began to circle her. Over and over and over. That’s where she had remained.

    For hours.

    And that’s where she was, still.

    The waves lapped gently against the rock, sometimes cresting over the top and soaking her legs; she bit her lip at the sting that the salt brought. With every wave, sea spray kissed her cheek, and she thought it a cruel irony. As they grew larger, faster, stronger, the spray grew consistently, to the point where it became a mist.

    Then, in a manner so perfect she wondered if she was dreaming, a rainbow grew in front of her, strikingly bright. A cry escaped her lips, mingling with joy as a smile broke out on her face, but—as soon as the moment had come to her—it was ripped from her grasp as her mother’s inheritance reminded her, there was no drachma. In a desperate attempt, she patted at the wetsuit she’d found herself wearing. It was to skin tight to hide anything, especially to someone who was wearing it. Yet as her hands grabbed at the material, they glided over something, just beneath her breast.

    She shoved a hand down to grab it, caught right between skin and suit, and she pulled it out in front of her. Her mouth dropped. Shining bright in the sunlight, gripped between her shaking fingers, was a single golden drachma.

    Wasting no time, she forced herself out of shock and flicked the coin through the rainbow, muttering the call, then her request, “Show me Percy Jackson.”

    An image shimmered to life in front of her, shaky but still visible. She could make out two men, one younger than the other, talking vigorously back and forth. One was in a wheelchair, the other had a sword strapped to his hip, and jet black hair, and green eyes. She screamed into the rainbow, “Percy! Chiron! Percy, please!”

    Their heads whipped ‘round and they rushed forwards, coming closer to the screen. Percy’s eyes flitted around the frame, before focusing on her, “Annabeth, where are you?”

    “I—”

    “Annabeth!” Chiron’s voice, filled with panic, interrupted her own. “Are you alright?”

    “I’m okay. Well, I’m not okay. I’m alive, I don’t know what happened, I can’t remember anything. The only thing I recall is water, I just appeared in the ocean, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know where I am but I’m stuck on this rock and,” Annabeth’s voice began to shake, tears stung at the rim of her eyelids. “Percy, something bit me. I don’t know what it is, but…”

    His eyes went wide, “But what? Annabeth, tell me.”

    “It’s still here. I can’t swim to shore.” She waited for a reply, an answer, anything to ease her nerves, but nothing came. “Please, Percy you have to find me. I don’t know where I am. Athena has no power in the water.”

    He was silent for a moment, then his throat constricted violently, as if he was trying to keep himself from crying. His words were strangled. “I can’t.”

    She had herself firmly planted on the rock, but it felt as if the world had been pulled out from under her, “What? What do you mean you can’t?”

    Chiron answered, “When you hadn’t made it to your date, Percy came here after he was unable to contact you. Then, halfway through the night we received a message. Annabeth. . .someone has captured you. . .and they want you dead.” Her mouth, already dehydrated, somehow grew dryer.

    “I don’t understand, this doesn’t make any sense, I’ve always done as they asked. I’m their architect. Why would they try to hurt me?”

    A spark flashed in Chiron’s eyes, igniting a sliver of hope in her heart; if only she’d known the glint was simply in reaction to her words, another piece in the puzzle found. “Annabeth, how are you contacting us?” Percy glanced towards Chiron, then her, stunned at the question.

    “A drachma, I found it in my wetsuit. I didn’t have it before, but just now—”

    “It just appeared? Out of thin air?” Percy asked.

    “Maybe I hadn’t noticed it.”

    “Annabeth, you notice everything,” His eyes searched the area around her once more. “You’re in the ocean, right? Where are you?”

    Her patience broke and she yelled out in frustration, “Percy, I told you I don’t know! Can’t you sense me?”

    “I can’t!”

    “What do you mean you can’t?”

    “I can’t find you! You’re cut off! From me, from your mother, from everyone!”

    “And yet someone still gave you a drachma,” Chiron muttered as horror etched its way across his face. “They knew you’d call him, they knew you’d call Perseus.” Suddenly, the wind picked up and she glanced overhead to see clouds rolling in. Her chest grew tight, the message would disappear without sunlight.

    “I don’t have much time, so what if they knew I’d call Percy? Aren’t they trying to kill me?”

    “Yes,” Chiron had one elbow propped up on the arm of his chair, and two fingers tapping against his temple. “But I don’t think they’re just trying to hurt you. You’re a pawn in their game, they want you dead, but who they’re really trying to hurt is—”

    “Me,” Percy’s voice was gravely. “They’re using you, to get to me. This isn’t an Olympian.”

    “No,” Chiron said, as unease spread through his features. “I don’t believe it is.”

    “Is it a god at all?”

    “I couldn’t say, I’d need more information.”

    A breeze skidded across the surface, dispersing the mist for a moment and she screamed. Their image glitched liked the screen of a television, once, twice, before flicking back into focus. She heaved and bit back tears, isolation clung to her edges and she didn’t welcome it. She didn’t want to be alone.

    “Annabeth,” Percy pushed himself closer still, his face taking up majority of the screen. “I’m going to find you I promise. I won’t stop, I won’t sleep, until I find you.” She laughed and smiled, despite the fresh wave of fear she felt as their words finally registered with her. They’re using you, to get to me.

    “Looks like you’re the one who’s going to have to go on a wild goose chase for the lost demigod now, huh?”

    He grinned right back at her, though his eyes were red rimmed. “Guess so. Don’t quit on me, Wise Girl.”

    “Never.”

    Percy nodded and took a step back, mouthing I love you as he did; she repeated the motion. Chiron started off on theories, assuring her they’d be there soon, and she could hear yelling from behind them, shuffling in the background—signs of action. From the corner of her vision, a dark line swooped across the landscape, a storm rolling. With a brave face, she let the clouds take the sun and with it, the iris message. The water grew choppy, waves crashing against the rock and dousing her completely.

    They’re using you, to get to me.

    Anger ignited in her bones, spread through her and seated itself in her chest. That wasn’t happening. If they wanted someone to get hurt, it definetely wouldn’t be her. On shaky legs, Annabeth stood, bracing for the surge of pain. It came and she cried through her teeth and spit out the salty taste that had gathered in her mouth like it didn’t bother her, because this wasn’t happening. A droplet hit her cheek, then another, then many, and then it was pouring. And she, she was screaming. Sending curse after curse into the storm, at whoever might be listening, all of them getting lost in the roar of rain against wave. It didn’t matter though, because this wasn’t happening.

She wasn’t going to play Andromeda, not in a million years.

[seoafin]

Hi hiiiiii first off, heck yeah Shoko supremacy 🙏

Second, I absolutely love your blong and your stories (unsurprisingly I came from ao3)!! Admittedly I avoid Gojo fics like the plague (we love characters fannon self so much) but yours got me hypnotised WILD. I can’t tell it enough but oh my god the way you put rip!MC and Gojo together is top tier, I think it’s the only way I can picture him falling in love at all, (mostly bcs I genuinely believe that Gojo wouldn’t be able to love anyone romantically unless they were there during his HS days). I don’t think it’s only him, you write Suguru’s character so beautifully it’s entrancing! In general you handle the whole universe so well, I feel like you have it down to a T

I’m also a big fan of your writing style, as it’s very comfortable to read as it’s not too much but still very much impactful when it needs to. It doesn’t stretch out too much, it’s not too short, it’s the perfect pace and that makes it so, as I said, comfortable.

(As a non-American, the fact that your fics are way less americanised than the standard is so fucking refreshing too. Shout out to 18 YO White Frat Boy Gojo who knows how to drive✌️)

Coming here to discover that you a) love Gojo slander as much as me b) critics everything c) love languages and know Japanese was the Cherry on top. I cannot explain it goodly enough so I won’t but it’s a relief in many ways !! (The “Anime characters aren’t white unless stated so” in ur byf,,,, the mandatory “here’s why Gojo would be a Terrible Partner” post,,,,,, Please let me hold your hands as I ugly sobs of relief)

I saw your post abt usps and im sending you all my thoughts, prayers, mental support with that mess, I hope there’s a quick way to resolve it. Hope your time in Cuba will be good too, will you still be on tumblr while there?

Sorry for this long ass text I hope you do not mind it too much 🙇‍♀️

Though a side note, your last post got me thinking….. Terrified of finding out how ppl will treat Riko after animated gojo’s past arc comes out

omg don't apologize i ♥️ long messages

this message is so sweet you are so sweet!!! i'm glad u like my fics and writing style thank YOU for reading <3

i honestly think gojo could fall in love as a closed off adult i was just just too lazy to write that out so i took a shortcut lmao it also helps that ripmc has seen gojo at his most horrible (high school) and his lowest so there's no need for pretenses or anything atp

that being said my schedule on this blog honestly varies. hopefully i'll be able to keep a better schedule than just going silent for months at a time and randomly coming back LOL

wait ur so right i saw a tiktok of that panel where gojo is holding riko in his arms and THE RIKO SLANDER IN THE COMMENTS

[survivor-ingary]

Episode 2 - "I DON'T WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE" - Ellie

At the tribal, Ping was voted out of the Pendragon Tribe nearly unamimously. Tribal immunity for this round is Pictionary.

I bet all these bitches know i voted for Keith and now they are going to come kill me in my sleep if i die i blame dylan

yass round 2 i either think im in the best position on this tribe or theyre all secretly coming for me thats all

Tribal went as well as I expected it to go. No major drama. It seems like Keith is in real trouble if we do go to tribal again though which would put me in a very tricky spot. For now, though, I will be trying my best in the upcoming challenge. The problem is, however, timezones and schedules. Jon is going to be our drawer, but he can only do it tonight or in the early afternoon tomorrow which I will not be there for. Additionally, Keith is asleep so we have no idea what his schedule is going to be so we basically had to schedule the challenge without him. And Nya could only do right before the deadline tomorrow which Jon cannot do. I hate this for us, truly. I just hope that Moth and I can rub our brain cells together for this one so that we can pull out a win. OR somehow the other tribes fail horribly. On the bright side, I am finally starting to catch up on Duolingo exercises. They're a lot easier than I thought, but it is still going to be tedious af to save up enough coins for some of the higher end products at the shop. As a final note, I am going to work with Nya in the long term as we promised each other to. Hopefully that actually works out. Time to actually be loyal and be a hero this time around. Need to try something different.

If we lose this challenge, I will be very upset. We went so hard on this challenge!!! I believe that we can at least get second place, but I don't know how crazy the other tribes are. So, let's see what goes on

Ayyyyy soooooooo looks like the four, Colin, me, Ava, and Brayden are officially in an alliance!? I’m really hyped to be working with everybody and already have sights on who should go if we have to go to tribal 👀 but like I’m gonna feel so bad if we go to tribal and I orchestrate a whole plan to take someone out I gotta do it when I’m not in my feels and the planets aren’t fucking with my emotions too heavy. But go alliance ! This means I’ll be able to stay safe until hopefully a merge and hopefully we can avoid a tribe swap till then which I get those vibe from it !! But I’ll be here to survive two more tribals just in case which is pretty rad. Other then that hopefully me offering to draw doesn’t end us up in the bottom and we can keep killing ! But anyways that is it as off know hopefully I have a lot more coins tomorrow morning and I get hit the hat shop bright and motherfucking early.

Just got asked to be apart of an alliance <33333 the besties in the group trust me which maybe ain't the right move but for now we gotta love the bonding. exciting!!!

YAY FOR ROUND 2! Okay, so I meet once again with the Hat Shop and... third times the charm! Except,,, the charm is getting nothing AGAIN lmao I'm not complaining though, still got that extra vote :P I stayed up at 1 AM for this challenge, and I honestly think our team popped off. Anastasia was guessing a ton, and Riley was amazing at drawing real quick! I have a relatively good feeling about our performance, so I hope I wake up to the news of our tribe being immune :D

so yesterday I set myself on a mission to get an alliance. I wanted Ava + Brayden + Toph + me as a majority alliance. it was our day off from tribal so I thought it was the perfect day to do it!! I talked to Brayden about it first because he's the person I feel the most comfortable with, and then after a lot of coordination and careful communication I was able to pull it together!! I think the most important thing when making alliances is making everyone feel like they're a big part in it. So I was careful to ask each person how they feel about the others, about the game, and made a point to say that I wanted to work with them specifically. Some may call that a little manipulative, but I wanna make sure that I'm an essential part of the alliance!! i need everyone to feel like they need/want me there.

all of this happening so soon into the game is a testament to how aggressive I'm playing this time around. I usually like to lay low and just rely solely on my social game in the start, but I'm trying this out to establish myself early on! I wanted to play the tribe leader and I think I'm doing that in a smart and subtle way!!

so yes now we have a 4 person majority alliance named "duolingo owl hate club" because fuck that guy. I think we're the 4 most active and present people on the tribe so it's only natural for us to work together, but I think it's definitely worth noting that I was the one that was pulling the strings here.

We just did the pictionary challenge, I have a good feeling about it!! Toph was an amazing artist, and if we win, all credit rightfully goes to him!! I think the guessers also did great of course, but like come on, the artist has to be the mvp. I'm really hoping we pull through!! I don't mind going to tribal, but I genuinely don't wanna vote anyone out yet. I'm fine just playing the game in a precautionary way. I know I'm in a great position if we do go to tribal, but it's always preferred that we don't go.

Everyone else on my tribe: doing the challenge and kicking ass

Me: I’m sleep

Riley (Tumblr has once again chosen violence so only the first 10 get banners 🥲)

I think our challenge went pretty well! My team were good guessers. Feeling like I've established some Integrity now. Hope it keeps me safe later!

Toph Soooooo we finished the challenge with 32 points and like wig !! I was a quick as drawer for 32pts expect when my internet lagged, but still ! I think we whooped some ass and if we do go to tribal I know it won’t be me going, thanks to Duolingo owl hate club but I’m also worried same could have and advantage because they seem pretty kean on learning a lot in like 3 hours and then tried to cover that statement to not seem so threatening but like babs s a huge threat too apparently they love Duolingo and know 5 laugnes ? This is from brayden but If so go babs ! That’s absolutely iconic for real Life but fucking scary in this game ! I gotta be buddy buddy with them so hopefully if they do have something it won’t be them going home first and it will be Ava. But I’m thinking we might get second place again unless someone is a fucking wizard at this.

Dennis hmm i think we did well enough in the challenge to not see tribal tomorrow but who knows i guess we shall find out tn

the way ellie was so on top of stuff yesterday only to oversleep the challenge makes me giggle maybe shes freaking out about it which makes me also giggle but i dont think its really a big deal

anastasia asked me to call yesterday and i was like sure lets talk but it is damn near impossible to hold a conversation with her idk i tried BUT she did tell me “yeah i just got off a call with ellie” im like i see. she says shes down to work with ellie but that quickly switched from ellie being ~experienced~ but good to know ellie is also playing hard. anastasia also mentioned that she talks to riley a fair amount who i still have yet to connect to well. but dat makes me think ellie is def talking to riley too miss debate team is definitely a talker. but good on her for the social game i guess

kenneth keeps being like haha we’re the same person and im like yeah👁 i bet we are👁

i just wanna win and not think about tribal just keep it slow and chill for now keep learnin my welsh i guess

Ava Second challenge was Pictionary and I had a ton of fun playing. The tea is: toph did a great job. He was pretty vocal about not being a great artist but really I think he did great. However, Babs was super inactive yesterday and ~too late~ said they were a great artist and should've been picked to draw. It was kind of like.... k babs thanks for the belated "help". They did do great guessing which scored a point in my book. Brayden was supposed to play but last minute logged off without saying anything so we did the challenge without him :/ sorta a bummer. Anyway the lack of participation from Sam is kind of popping off so we'll see where that leads them... Overall a fun game and fingers crossed we did well!

Moth I think we did okay at the challenge. Today I am dying from the heatwave so I’m not thinking too straight! Stay cool everyone

Ellie So yesterday Anastasia and I called for about an hour!!! I’d say we’re definitely way closer, she’s someone I really wanna work with although the idea of her and Brayden eventually being on the same tribe is kinda scary cause I know how close they are. Still she’s so fun to talk to and I just love her energy so much!

Pictionary challenge results: Jenkins Tribe wins with Penadragon second, Hatter Tribe has to go to tribal council on the following day.

Ava Well well well seems our bob ross, toph, didn't pull through (y'all think babs would've pulled it out for us or slept through our challenge like they said they almost did?) I can't wait for tribal. I'm in it for the drama. I'm hashtag voting Sam off - didn't even bother to be apart of our challenge and not too sure they've even been online for a full 24 hours. Weed out the weak.....

Anastasia

Brayden https://imgur.com/n60Lz0c

guys i dont know what to do someone help me out

Dennis i hope damn brayden gets the boot

Raffy Woo! We don't have to go to tribal again! We stan!

Ellie So I figured I’d go idol hunting today cause the shop was about to close and I just wanted to see what had been bought and what possible hats there were, I see that there’s a hat I have enough for that hasn’t been bought and I decide fuck it let’s get it

APPARENTLY ITS SOMETHING THAT IM NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS OR HOW TO USE IT YET???? THEY SAID ILL FIND OUT ABOUT IT LATER

I DONT WANT THE MYSTERY MOUSE-CA-TOOL BESTIE

Sam Well you see. I like all my tribe people. And I think we did real good on that music video! So, I think rather than voting anyone else off, I think I should just vote myself off if that is possible! Ahhh

Babs So sad to see Sam not only go but go through what they're going through :( same w Toph :( they all seem so lovely

Keith Not sure if i submitted a confession after the last tribal. But if I didnt here it is.

Happy I made it out of that tribal. I had raffy backing me with whom I played. Last time we played. We were at odds. We didnt work together but whats worse that we were against each other. It was either him or me goin out. Hopefully thats the past n we can work together. I jus need to keep things calm n show that Im not here itching to make big moves. So they dont feel threatened by me. N its easy cause right now. I havnt made that kind og bond with anyone on my tribe. To even think of such moves. Lets see what round two holds for me.

Colin so uh

we lost! :(

I was really bummed tbh. Like I thought we did well but circumstances with the challenge were just really unfortunate, from conflict about who wanted to be the artist to people disappearing the moment the challenge started, I think we did well despite all of that. Except we did kinda get stomped anyway. Oh well!! The game moves on. Tribal has to happen.

Initially I was gonna push for Babs, just because I feel like I don't wanna attach myself to them too early on. I've seen how much of a bitter player they can be, and lets just say I'm not the most loyal ally to have. however! 9 minutes after we lost, Ava announces to our alliance that she's voting Sam. I wasn't surprised, Sam has been the one not really pulling their weight. But I had some good connections with her!! we both did colorguard and shes so sweet and easy to talk to. I was really conflicted for a little bit, debating on whether or not to actually push for Babs. I think brayden sensed my hesitance but we both knew there was nothing really I could do to stop Sam from being the vote. At first tribal, the initial name always spreads like wildfire.

However, my mess was stopped abruptly by Sam asking to be voted out. welp!! okay then!! babs stays i guess!! i'm not too bothered. I'll never turn down an easy vote hehe.

Pretty sure there's a swap tonight. I'm kinda scared of that

uwu

Brayden

i almost forgot to upload this but dont worry i just remembered

Colin screams

Toph So we’re going to tribal in 20 and all I have to say right now is if there is a tribe swap after I’m gonna so scared but I ducking called I had a vibe and it was right that’s what is gonna win me this game trusting my intuition. I’m holding on now and gonna be the biggest comp beast next challenge in case I get fucked on this swap !!!! Or at least if it is a swap 🤔

Riley I don't know what this announcement's gonna be I'm worriedddd... Ginny said it probably means we're swapping teams but I don't wannaaaa I like our team.

Toph Sam self sacrificing made this the easiest vote ever and me being safe is a plus I guess 😎