#don't get me wrong I miss my gaming sessions since I haven't done so in a while but I do intend to take it up again

[starsmuserainbow]

I'm so glad to have this place. I've been thinking how the other friend(/s if you count his friendgroup that I in extension then end up doing things with too) I have is absolutely not someone I can talk to a big part of my obsessions/fandoms/likes about. Or, I could, but they simply don't have that interest (which is fine too though don't get me wrong), and I really don't wanna bother when there's no both-sided interest.

Here, you have no chance to say no I can post what I want and think about and often there's someone else liking the same thing or being interested or something and I feel... I don't know what exactly I feel, but it feels good. I honestly wouldn't know where else to go if tumblr wasn't here, or if y'all weren't here with me.

[wosoamazing]

Portugal Training Camp & Roommates

Part 4 - Fire on Fire Series

It was your first day in Portugal, meaning you were now also officially part of the team, having joined the first team training session of the year in the morning, spending the afternoon on the beach with the girls, as this wasn't an official team trip for competitions you had roommates. Leah was yours, you didn't quite know what to think of it but it couldn't be a bad thing. Right?

After dinner the team spent some time outside before all heading to their respective rooms for sleep. However you weren't asleep, and from the amount of rustling coming from Leah's bed she wasn't either. However unlike her you were still, as you laid on your back, staring at the ceiling, you couldn't get the 2 missed calls from both your parents each out of your head, they hadn't called you in years, let alone messaged, so why now? You couldn't understand, until you spoke to your Moster before dinner. She had informed you that they wanted to talk to you, apologise for what they had done, now realising that they did the wrong thing when you were younger. But you couldn't fathom the sudden change in beliefs. They had to have an ulterior motive. Leah must've realised you were awake at some stage, as you noticed her move onto her side, resting on her elbow as she brought your attention to you.

"What's wrong?" She questioned, the sudden words slightly scaring you.

"Nothing," you tried brushing her off, as if she would care about your problems.

"I can tell something is bothering you, you can just talk and I can listen if you want"

"My parents want to talk to me," you spat out, "oh," you turned to face her, mirroring her position.

"I've haven't seen or heard from them for years, the last time they contacted me was before, well, um, no it doesn't matter, but every time the have contacted me since I moved out they have thrown things at me, they even offered to buy me a penthouse apartment in New York if I quit football and did a PHD. They don't believe someone can be successful unless they like have a PHD basically. I moved out when I was almost 11. My Aunt says they are reaching out to say sorry but I find that hard to believe after all these years,"

"Why don't you just message them, ask them to come to one of our games."

"Yeah I suppose, I mean if they aren't really determined with whatever they are planning on doing they won't come, it would be time much time, effort and money otherwise," the fell into a silence before you blurted out, "They were the reason I wasn't getting played, they were paying the club money as a support under essentially a fake company, they figured if I wasn;t getting played I would fall out of love with the sport, but it clearly didn't work." "I'm sorry, that's unfair, you're a really great player, and your aunts must be good people, as you've turned out to be an amazing human," Leah started to ramble as she got anxious. You were glad there wasn't much light in the room as you felt yourself blush.

"Thank you, good night," "night," you rolled over and eventually fell asleep.

_____

The training staff decided that they were going to do fitness testing, the beep test included, you had been going for quite some time you, Lotte and Emily were the only ones currently still going, the rest of the team had either stopped or been pulled out by the medics or trainers so they didn't over do themselves.

"How?" Lotted huffed out as she doubled over trying to catch her breath, having given up, you on the other hand looked like you were still just doing a light jog.

"Okay Y/N, we're stopping you there, sit down and make sure to have plenty of water, we're also going to get you an electrolyte drink," you huffed in annoyance but complied and walked over to were Leah was sitting on the sidelines, taking a seat next to her, she lent towards you with her arms open ready for a hug.

"I don't think you want to do that, I'm like seriously sweaty," You warned her, "That performance deserves a hug, no matter how sweaty," you laughed as you lent in briefly hugging her, before moving to lie down, your legs still bent up, "you weren't wrong about being sweaty," she joked causing you to laugh "I did warn you,". 

You and Leah were alone, as she watched the rest of the team do the other tests, you were recovering lying on the grass, with a towel over your eyes to protect them from the burning sun. "How did you do that though? Are you actually fine?" Leah asked, ever so slightly concerned, she didn't want you to be overworking yourself due to being new, "I could've kept going if it wasn't so hot, or the fact that I wasn't stopped," you said and she nodded, not that you could see though, you were informed you couldn't continue testing until you had cooled down the medics not wanting to risk you getting heat stroke, however there was no way that was going to happen anytime soon, due to the scorching sun, "Can we go inside for a bit? Speed up the cooling down process," you asked her as you pulled the towel off your eyes, lifting you head slightly to look at her, "Sure," you stood up quickly, and turned to Leah who had reached her hands out for you to grab and help her up, "you haven't done any testing today, you should be the one helping me up" you joked, and she pushed you playfully once she was standing, "that's no way to treat someone who just helped you up," "oh shut up," she said as she wrapped her arm around your shoulders pulling you into her side as you walked.

_____

"I don't even know why you like playing them, they're so boring," you said as you sat down next to Leah on one of the sun loungers, you had to admit they were really strange sun loungers, as they were double ones, for some reason meaning two people had to sit on one, but it didn't matter too much as the team was close.

"They use my brain, keep me smart," she teased "Don't want you falling behind the rest of us I suppose," you teased her back, "Oh shut up, just because you duxed," you stuck your tongue out at her before pulling out your phone to message some people, until Leah managed to rope you into helping her do sudokus, you both giggled away as you spoke, before you were interrupted by Beth, "Why wasn't I invited?" she whined "We're doing sudokus," you explained, "oh ew, what movie are we watching tonight?" she asked, not getting a response.

"Beth," you both whined as you looked over to her who just shrugged her shoulders, "what?" she knew what, she just sent a message to the team asking when everyone else would be out because she felt like a third wheel with you two. Before long the whole team was outside and the movie had started, they had decided on ABBA which you didn't really like and so you quickly found yourself succumbing to your exhaustion from the day. Your eyelids opened around half an hour later and you realised you had moved closer to Leah and snuggled into her side while you slept, she had her arm out around your shoulders, "Oh sorry," you groggily spoke as you lifted your head preparing to move, "Oh, it's fine don't worry, you don't have to move if you don't want to, it's more warm like this too," she said softly smiling as her eyes stayed on the screen, you let out a small hum before placing your head back on her shoulder and quickly drifting off again.

[seneitut]

“Gentleness”

[Part 1] [Part 2]

[Yoru/Healer!Reader]

Words: 6K

Tags: Mentions of anxiouness, bantering, technicality of the game and map Haven, fluff, blood.

[This was long overdue!!!! It took me a long while but here is the first part! Second part coming tomorrow or in a couple of days! It also has drawings uwu Hope you like em!]

Resquested by: @oyasumimosura !!

-----------------------------------------------------

Breathing in, breathing out. 

Those are the words you've been repeating in your head for the past couple of minutes, trying to focus your sole attention on breathing instead of the anxiousness wanting to consume you. 

Opening your eyes, you gaze upon your reflection in the mirror with a nervous expression painting your features. 

The eye bags under your eyes are a telltale of the poor night's sleep you've gotten, and you hope no one looks closely to you to ask about it. There is nothing you can do to mask your exhaustion and the way you look, so you bear with it, avoiding the mirror and turning to stare at your unmade bed instead.

The tremble in your hands is manageable, you think, and so is the ability to mask your stress. But not even planning out your interactions nor replies to questions that haven't been asked yet, or never, is enough to relax you.

“Hey, you alright in there?” 

The voice of Sage is accompanied by soft knocking outside your door. The concern in her voice is palpable, since you haven't showed up yet and your reunion was due almost fifteen minutes ago.

“Y-yeah! Just, um, fixing my clothes.” You reply awkwardly, giving thumbs up to the closed door and immediately absconding your hands when you realize the dumb action. Sage doesn't need to know that. “I-I'm sorry for the lateness, I'll be going in a second…or several…”

There is silence for a moment, and you worry you may have upset her for being irresponsible.

Then, she speaks again, “Mind if I join you for a little bit?”

Weighting the pros and cons, you don't let your brain finish that train of thought and act upon your want.

Opening the door is a lot less anti-climatic than you initially thought. Instead, relief floods your system as soon as Sage steps in and takes your hands into hers, caressing the skin softly with a gentle expression on her features.

“I'm here.” she mutters, leading you to the bed. “Let's breathe together, alright?”

“I've been doing that.” is your reply. She smiles.

“Good, that's good.” Her hand never stops holding yours. “Do it once more with me, indulge me?”

You nod, following her instructions until your heartbeat pumps to a steady rhythm.

The breathing sessions for your anxiety is something you haven't done together in a long while. Maybe since she left China to pursue a more fulfilling life, leaving behind many friends and family who missed her dearly, and for you to learn to live without her by your side.

The thought that you've been reunited, even under not a joyful situation, is enough to make you smile and forget about what will cement your life from now on in a couple of minutes. Having her here, holding your hands and gently massaging the skin gives you a wave of nostalgia that you cannot help but tear up a little bit.

“What's wrong?” She asks, a frown between her brows. 

“I'm just…overwhelmed, I think.” Sniffing back some tears, you give her the best smile you can offer, but it falters under so much pressure. “It’s been so long since I’ve had you by my side. And I’m so worried about what is going to happen once I step out of this room because I don’t know if I’m going to be enough for the team nor don’t know if my qualities will fit and, what if I get killed? What if I get my teammates killed? What then?”

“Hey, hey, calm down.” She manages to have your attention, cutting your rambling off. The tears that were welling up have cleared up by now, which gives Sage a sense of comfort and one less thing to worry about. “You won’t mess things up, I have full trust in you and your judgment, it’s why I brought you here.”

“But-”

“No, dear, stop there.” Sage stands up, pulling you alongside her. “You’re gonna be okay, I will make sure of it. Do you trust me?”

You nod, “Of course I do!” 

“Then believe in my words. Everything is going to be okay.”

And you do. You trust Sage's words and follow after her without any doubt clouding your mind, but nervousness.

If she says you will be okay, you believe it.

—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—

The meeting you have is brief and to the point.

Sage introduces you to Brimstone, the one who founded Valorant and the one in charge to recruit agents to their lines to protect their world from radiants who come from another dimension.

The thing about having mirrors of themselves and having to fight them till death doesn't come as a surprise; rather new knowledge acquired and something to investigate for future reference, fascinated by such a thing.

Besides Brimstone there is another agent, Viper, who seems to be part of the lead in the protocol alongside Sage. She is sharp with her words and straightforward with her expectations, upfront with what she wants you to bring to the team and communicate what's needed.

All three, despite their differences in personalities, welcome you to what's going to be your home for the next years to come.

“We need you to train constantly,” is what Brimstone asks of you. “To have discipline and focus on missions. Besides our utility, having to learn self-defense and the usage of guns is important when we are deployed to prevent catastrophes.”

Vipes joins in the conversation, “Sage has mentioned you both have trained for a long time before all this disaster. I'm expecting nothing but the same skills and more from you.”

Gulping, you nod, “Of course.”

Sage glances at you from the other side of the room, spectating the conversation unfolding, and ready to chime in if necessary to help you out.

“Good.” Viper stands up from her chair after a couple of seconds, gathering her folders and hands you a sort of phone. “First mission assigned will be tomorrow. Ask Killjoy or Cypher for blueprints and get to know your teammates and their abilities before being deployed.”

The device is rectangle and the size of a cell phone, with the screen showing your name and a code to access it. 

“Configure this as you'd prefer, the agents use this to organize and contact each other when we are sent on missions.” Viper dials a password and the screen lights up in a soft glow to show folders and a message chat box. “Set a password to your liking and bring it with you if necessary.”

Eyeing the device, you breathe out your nervousness before directing her a smile, “Thank you.” 

“That will be it.”

Viper excuses herself after that, leaving the room swiftly with Brimstone following after her to discuss some matters. 

Is not after several seconds glancing between the door to where Sage was standing that you finally crumble under the pressure and groan in despair.

“Who the fuck is Killjoy? Or Cypher, for that matter? How am I supposed to configure this to my liking if this is work related?” You begin. “I don't even know my other teammates, how am I supposed to know their abilities and learn about them in such short notice?!”

Turning to Sage, your panic heightnes, “It hasn't been ten minutes and I'm already fucking things up!”

Sage huffs in exasperation, approaching you with a grin and ignoring your stare and pout, “Unlock the device, dear. Go directly to the first folder it shows, there are basic profiles with pictures and names of the other agents.” When you do as asked, she scrolls through the multiple faces staring at you, “You don't have to learn all their names at once, it takes time to become acquainted with most of them outside missions and the base is really big for everyone to be at one place.”

“B-but how will I know which one of them is assigned on the same mission as I do?” You are becoming rapidly anxious, hands trembling and completely out of the character you introduced yourself to Brimstone and Viper.

Sage caresses your back softly, “Once we ask Killjoy for the blueprints, we can ask her to lend us the name of the agents on the team.”

You nod, exhaling a big puff of air from the nervousness. 

Opening the device, you scroll through the list until you land on the name of Killjoy. The face of a woman in black hair and bright colored clothes greets you, and is for certain you won’t be able to miss her out if you were to encounter her.

“We can look for her together, if you wish?” Sage asks, grinning softly. 

“Please?”

With her reassurance and the knowledge of Killjoy's appearance, you exit the meeting's room with idle chatting to keep your mind occupied.

Sage is kind enough to start explaining Killjoy's abilities to fill in the silence. From her techwear and brilliant brain, she is one of the top techs inside the protocol alongside Cypher who have been able to develop technology not a simple human mind would understand.

All Killjoy is able to do sounds from a futuristic world, repairing and creating with the mere tools the earth provides her.

“She created the devices, programmed the security information with Cypher's help, and repaired one of the agents on our side.”

Cocking your head to the side, you ask, “Repair as in, fixed? Operated a limb or something like that?”

Sage giggles, “No, dear, she literally repaired an agent, from scratch and missing parts. A robot, if you may.”

When you cross the threshold of the practice range, you finally understand what she meant.

“A sentient robot?!”

Behind the closed doors, you see in amazement a robot-like-human fight alongside a couple of agents against another…robot? Firing bullets non-stop and jumping from side to side to avoid the agent's offensive stance.

���Killjoy seems to be training as well.” She muses. 

You watch in silence the fight unfold, analyzing their work and action while they mesh their abilities together to defeat the common enemy. Is amazing how flawless and swiftly they move across the battlefield to look for cover or simply repositioning to counterattack.

“Found you.” 

Brimstone's voice startles you, turning around to watch him enter the room with his eyes set on what's going on behind the glass.

“We need to leave in a few minutes; Breeze and Split.” He announces. Sage nods, pointing to the range.

“Got some people on here to join in.” 

He surveys the people inside, scratching his bear in contempt before sighing, defeated.

“Tell Raze to sit this one out and bring Astra, it is time to ruin the party for these youngsters.” Brimstone motions behind you, “Yoru, you're coming with them to Split, be there in fifteen.”

You hear a scoff, “Of course you need me.”

Turning around, you see a man sitting at the edge of the glass toying with kingdom credits at the palm of his hand. He's covered from head to toe in blue themed clothes, which you find funny for someone who looks as gloomy as he does.

Is it not after you're finished eyeing him do you realize he's been doing the same to you and scoffs again, as if offended, when your eyes cross paths.

Feeling self-conscious, you avoid him entirely for the rest of Sage and Brimstone's conversation.

“I'll be leaving now, Killjoy is coming with us too.” Sage points at the other side of the room, spotting a person playing chess by themselves and wearing some set of interesting clothing. “That's Cypher, you can talk to him about the blueprints, he is a kind man, but be careful of entertaining him with your personal information.”

“Huh?” 

Sage whispers in your ear, “He has eyes everywhere, be careful.”

Bidding goodbye to Sage proves to be harder than you anticipated, anxiousness starting to consume you the moment she leaves your side at a place you have no guidance nor idea how to navigate by yourself just yet.

The moment of truth comes now, you think, when you turn around and begin walking towards Cypher. He has not spotted you yet, continuing with his game in silence, and it gives you time to think about how to approach in conversation. 

So deep in thought, you collide against a surface so hard you have to take two steps back to steady yourself. When you raise your eyes, you meet Yoru's jet-black eyes staring you down with annoyance written on his expression.

“Move away, little shit.” 

Yoru pushes you away and enters the range, not glancing back for a second and makes his way to the group gathering at the center.

When the door closes, you hear a man chuckle deeply. 

“Say now, first day and causing trouble?” Cypher turns his head, a gloved hand toying with a coin. The blue of his masked and robotic eyes are eerie, it makes you uncomfortable, “Mind if we play a game?”

“Cypher, right?” you ask. He nods at the chess board.

“Glad to make acquaintances.”

Sitting in front of him, you watch him rearrange the pieces to start over a new game. He barely glances at you when he rotates the board for you to start first, waving his hand in presentation.

“Go on, let’s see what you’re made of.”

The first few moves none of you say anything, concentrating on the game rather than the task you’ve been asked to do. Is refreshing though, having something else to focus on. 

You’re partly thankful to Cypher for not obligating you to talk, humming to himself and enjoying the game in his own  way. His moves are very calculating and thoughtful, watching under scrutinized robotic eyes your movements and choices before making one for himself.

Is not until he has you on a chokehold that he leans on his chair, crossing his arms, that he decides to speak for the first time, “You are very patient, little one.”

“Hm?” Looking up, you smile nervously at him, “Isn't this game about that?”

Chuckling, Cypher moves his king and switches places with his rook, “Most of it, yes, of course. But this game is more about analyzing your enemy rather than being patient in making your moves.”

You move a pawn, Cypher kills it with his knight. Deciding to sacrifice the queen for a play, you kill one of his bishops.

“Check.” 

Cypher hums, thrumming his fingers on the table.

“Interesting.” 

He moves his king further away, you cock your eyebrow in questioning but don't say anything. Returning your queen to the previous positioning, you begin considering your next moves when suddenly, Cypher moves his knight an inch closer to your king. 

“Check.”

Huffing under your breath, you move your king, but by the time you notice what you've done, is already too late.

Cypher laughs, moving his rook to kill your king in one swift move, “Check mate.”

Your pouting elicits another laugh from the sentinel, toying with a coin between his fingers.

“You see, you would have won that if you were a little more observing.” he says, closing the chessboard and putting the pieces away. “My moves were easily readable, and my intentions clear. You had the upper hand when it comes to quantity in pieces but didn’t use it to your advantage.”

“I didn’t want to use it and lose them.” is your answer. “Didn’t even notice the position of your pieces, only the king.”

Cypher hums, nodding alongside your words, “Interesting, why is that?”

Flabbergasted at his question, you raise a brow, “What do you mean why? Isn’t that the whole point of the game?”

“Of course, the whole point is to corner the king, right? But why do you have more pieces at play if you aren’t gonna use them to fulfill the goal?”

Cypher leans in, tipping his hat back and squinting his blur orbs, “This game is about sacrificing things intelligently to obtain what you need.”

“Isn't sacrificing an odd word to use on a chess game?” you are at a loss to what he's trying to say.

“It applies to evertything, anything!” he smiles under his mask, but you are unable to see it. “Say, are you ready to do that on the battlefield? To sacrifice people to destroy the enemy?”

Frowning deeply, you begin to question the real intentions Cypher had when inviting you to this game. All you wanted was for some information regarding your mission tomorrow, not for some psychological reading from someone who you just met.

He seems pensive and awaiting, crossing his fingers and relaxing against his chair. Gulping down, you decide you don’t want to talk about this matter and rather ask for what you came in the first place.

“Sage told me you might know about my mission tomorrow and who are those assigned,” tugging at the ring in your index finger, you distract yourself to avoid looking him in the eyes. “Do you mind giving me the information?”

It takes him a while to answer you, eerie seconds where Sage's absence feels like a sore thumb and you start doubting your place at the protocol. 

When Cypher laughs, as if you've told a funny joke, it doesn't help with your anxiousness nor quell it. He doesn't seem bothered by your reaction, either, it almost looks like it fuels him to keep teasing you to his liking.

“Haven, China.” He replies, “Viper, Skye, Phoenix and Yoru.”

“I know Viper, I don't know the other three.”

“Better time to start learning then,” he says, “Get well known with the place, too, since is going to be quite the hastle.”

Blinking owlishly, you turn on your device to look for the names of the agents mentioned, scrolling through the list until you land on Phoenix and Skye, the ones you haven't met yet, and Yoru, the recent addition to your I'm scared of them list. 

To think you will have to team up with these menacing looking people has you trembling with fear. And to top it off, Sage won't be able to help you out if you were to have doubts, so this will be all you.

“When I asked you earlier if you were ready to sacrifice people for the sake of the goal, it wasn't just to poke fun or annoy you,” Cypher stands from the chair, tucking the chessboard under his arm. “Your teammates are ready to put you on the line if it means the enemy won't steal the radianite. You have to be willing to do the same.”

“My goal is for no one to perish on the mission.” you admit, mouth tugging into a frown. “I won't play with that mindset.”

He shrugs, “Suit yourself. But think about what I'm saying. There will be a moment where you will hesitate between a sacrifice that will help you, or die being foolish.”

Walking away, he bids you goodbye, “I wish you the best of luck on your first mission. I hope you don't die.”

With the bitter farewell and an unsettling feeling starting to bloom in your chest, you are left alone with your turbulent thoughts and a bad taste in your mouth.

Sage isn't there for when you break down.

x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x—x

The trip to Haven takes longer than expected.

It’s located near the mountains in China, close to most monk temples surrounding the green area and hiding from the biggest cities. 

When you first heard about its whereabouts and the chaos that ensued when the omega agents tried to attack it, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Horrified was a short term for what you felt when they showed the images of what was left of the ruins and what Kingdom had tried to do to extract the radianite and, later on, the omega agents.

Maybe this is the reason you were assigned to this mission; to face the atrocities the counterparts have done and want to do, and for you to protect a place that was once dear to your people.

Phoenix has sensed your apprehension when meeting them for the first time, and now he is witness to how much this first task was toiling on you. And to ease your worries and try to distract you, he’s been chatting with you since the moment you stepped on the jet, making silly jokes or bringing up different topics to keep your mind occupied.

Sadly, it seemed nothing was working, so perhaps it was better to take down the doubts from its roots.

“Seriously, girlie, by the time you have to rotate to any site, we will be done and ready to pack up and go home.” He places his hand on your shoulder, squeezing softly, but firmly. “You don't have to worry, alright?”

“Y-yeah, sure.” 

“Besides, you've got a team with the best agents at the protocol; we got you covered, aight?” 

Believing Phoenix's words is hard, but you nod anyway, thankful for his attempt to make you feel better and his constant reassurance. 

The hand that soothes your back and his warm smile is enough to calm your nerves, returning the kind smile and simply breathing to keep you steady.

From the other side of the jet, Yoru grimaces at your heartfelt conversation, finding it pointless and somewhat cheesy to try and comfort a soldier who is about to face a war they are obviously not ready for. 

Not his place to intervene, in truth, but he hopes you won't ruin this mission for any of them. It would be a pain in the ass to drag your dead body back to the headquarters and have to explain this to Sage.

“Relax that frown, mate, we haven't engaged in combat yet.” 

Skye stands next to him, a playful smile on her lips and crossing her arms. He only huffs, annoyed to be interrupted but fine enough to be talking to her.

“The newbie will probably stall us, why assign her to us?” he asks. Skye raises a brow. “We can probably bring Killjoy's turret and that thing might do more for the team than her.”

“Hey now, you are just being rude for no reason.” She chastises. “Besides, that’s a big one coming from someone who flashed the rest of his teammates on their first mission.”

Blushing, Yoru turns his head to the other side, grunting unpleasantly. “Is not my fault you don’t know how to avoid flashes.”

“Oh yeah?” Skye whistles, catching Phoenix and your attention, “Yoru here says we don’t know how to avoid flashes, ain’t that bullshit now?”

“What now?! Aren’t you the one who complains the most about my flashes here?” Phoenix leaves your side to go and defend his honor, “You are such a selfish bastard, always working on his own, tsk.”

Phoenix turns to you, pointing an accusatory finger at Yoru, “Careful tagging with him, this ass will probably bait the heck outta yo’ ass to kill the enemy.”

“Not to mention he won’t listen to any of our strategies when we get there, hah.” Skye rolls her eyes, sitting down next to you. “Say, I know you are Sage’s protegé, but we don’t know what you can do, care to fill me in? Mayhaps you can also flash for us.”

Giving a dry laugh, your eyes travel to Phoenix who is watching you with excitement in his eyes, obviously eager to listen to your answer. Yoru is glaring at you from accross the jet, arms crossed on top of his chest and just like the rest, awaiting for your reply.

“Um, I don't flash.” You tug at your cuffins to distract yourself, “I can heal, I can revive people, too.”

“You're basically saying you are Sage 0.2, right?” Yoru rolls his eyes, bored of such an underwhelming revelation. 

Phoenix slaps his shoulder, frowning, “Don't be rude.”

“Am I wrong, though?” 

“That's a poor choice of words, Yoru.” Skye chimes in. “If their abilities are similar, then we have a strategy to work around easily.”

“But I—”

“Oh yeah? The difference is way too big for you to not notice that we will be playing like guards so she can heal us. Or better yet, revive us.” The engines of the jet turns off, signaling they have arrived. “At least Sage does her part in killing the enemies.”

Before anyone could retort to him, Yoru stands and takes his vandal with him, opening the door and simply walking out.

Viper comes out of the cockpit with a bulldog in hand, mask on and a determined fierce gaze surveying her teammates.

“Is there any problem?” She asks, cocking an eyebrow. 

Phoenix huffs, shrugging his shoulders, “The usual with Yoru.”

She nods in understanding, reloading her weapon and signaling you to follow after her.

“Yoru will be taking A site with Skye, Phoenix will survey C site with me holding garage doors,” turning to you, she throws a phantom at your hands. “You will wall up B site and hold site, leaning towards A if necessary. We will defend and hold as long as we can, if the pressure gets the better of you, we will retake together.” 

“Righty-o” Skye replies. She grabs a guardian and sets off. Phoenix pats your back and gives you a thumbs up before setting off to his designated site.

Viper walks away without giving you another glance, sure of herself and the indications given. 

Despite feeling like you could trust Phoenix's words and believe in your teammates, the dread of anything going wrong clouds your mind deeply.

There is nothing you can do right now, but play your part calmly.

Haven is prettier in person, with foliage decorating part of the landside and tall trees hovering in the distance. The destroyed part of this place is painful to see, but you know there is nothing else you can do, except protect it as best as your abilities.

B site has an entrance in the middle overlooking mid and window; there are many angles to hold and so little to gamble if you were not sure of your aim. There is some reason as to why Viper asked you to wall it up and simply hold.

If the enemy were to take control of B site, the retake would be pretty difficult to handle.

“The Omega agents have landed just now.” Skye says through the earpiece. “We heard some commotion towards A short, but they haven't made their way yet.”

“Keep us updated. Let me know when to put up the smoke.” Is Viper's reply.

Breathing in heavily, you heard faint footsteps outside B site, close to window and walking towards garage doors. Your hands twiches, hesitant of walling up or simply hold an angle.

Should you warn her? Should you be saying something? The logic tells you to raise your wall to boost yourself up and peak mid, but you are terrified of facing more than you can handle.

“I heard people outside B site, Viper, be careful.” And sure enough, it is not until a few seconds later that you hear a bulldog fire and Viper's voice coming through after a few moments.

“Got the one in garage, I heard one running away. Still no sign of the spike.”

Phoenix's voice chimes in, “No one is C long either, these damn fuckers scared or something? I can start flanking them.”

“Hold your positions until we get further intel.” Viper contradicts, “We have the numbers, we don’t need to risk it. Be patient.”

A couple of seconds goes by, and from afar, you hear the hit pitched sound of a bird and popping, and from the sky, you see balls of smoke drop like bombs towards A site.

Panic seizes you the moment Skye's voice comes through the earpiece with gunshots in the background. Viper’s wall rises immediately and you lose sight of mid, frightened and alarmed that something might have happened to them.

“I’m walling up B site and helping them hold the site.” You call through the earpiece, you see Phoenix approach rapidly through C link. “Viper, are you holding garage for a rotation or will you flank?”

“I’m holding the site, go help them.” 

Phoenix nods at you, a determined expression on his face. “Let’s go.”

All that comes after that is a blur.

You remember listening to Yoru grunt through the comms, Phoenix ulting from CT when you enter the site without any regards to your wellbeing and, most of all, pain.

Is as chaotic as you might think, smokes everywhere, Viper’s screams through the earpiece, warning you about Omega Sage reviving the one she killed in garage and Viper having to back down because she got hurt.

You have lost the count on how many times you’ve been flashed by the enemy and your own teammates because you were careless; throwing yourself on the battlefield and firing bullets through the smoke to stop their advances because you didn’t know what to do. 

Once Viper’s wall runs out of toxin, you are way too deep into site to look for cover, facing both Omega Brimstone and a Sova pointing their guns at you. 

A chill runs down your spine when they fire at you, watching in slow motion as the bullets make their way to your head and you are unable to stop your demise.

You feel a tug on your waist, and suddenly, you are standing at CT while the firing continues.

A sudden wave of nausea hits you, losing your footing and landing against a firm chest for leverage. Looking up, you see Yoru frowning at you, arms holding onto your waist and barely being able to hold his own weapon to steady you.

“Get a grip of yourself, we need to get back there.” he exclaims, but doesn’t pushes you away.

Phoenix returns right at that moment, his ult running out of time and been able to restore to full health once again. 

When he sees you two standing there, he immediately panics.

“Skye is alone out there!” Reloading his gun, he pushes through the smoke. 

You grip your phantom, thanking Yoru with a soft whisper and following after Phoenix to try and help Skye out before it is too late. You hear his teleport, guessing he’s throwing himself into battle once again.

You follow after Phoenix through the smoke and, to your horror, he serves as a shield when Omega Reyna swings from A short, injuring him heavily but giving you enough time to use him as a distraction to kill her.

Running past him, you clear as many corners as you can until you reach A long to see Skye protect Yoru from Omega Sage and Killjoy, headshotting her and watching the body fall to the ground with a loud thud.

When you realize both Skye and Yoru relax their stances, you think you can finally breathe in peace.

The enemy has fallen, and Valorant protocol is victorious once again.

Walking carefully around the bodies, you approach Yoru who hisses in pain when Skye helps him stand up. He mutters something in his language that neither you nor Skye understand, but the japanese man doesn’t bother to say further.

Eyeing Skye, you notice she seems unscratched despite putting herself on the line bravely, barely one cut above the eyebrow but nothing to worry about. 

Sighing in relief for her safety, you turn to Yoru, raising a hand and laying it on his cheek that has an open wound bleeding. Besides that and a limp leg, you think you have enough energy to heal him and look for Phoenix afterwards.

But either he misinterpreted your actions or didn't need the help, he cowers from your touch and swats your hand away, scowling.

“Don't touch me.” He snarls while glaring down at you. It makes you freeze instantly.

You are suddenly reminded of your first meeting and his obvious disgust towards your person, backing away until there is a safe distance between you two and Yoru drops his defensive stance.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” you say.

Turning around to avoid eye contact, you walk towards where you last saw Phoenix to give your assistance. The poor man has his back against the graffiti wall, sitting on the floor and taking big intakes of air to regulate his breathing and not succumb to the agony.

There are bullet holes framing his arms and one near the stomach, causing him pain and discomfort if he were to move too much. His expression is nothing short but misery, trying to play it cool by smiling at you but you know better, brushing part of his hair off his face.

“I'll look for Viper to heal her, think you are okay with Phoenix?” Skye's hand lands on your shoulder, startling you. Yoru is behind her, blood dry but not a single scratch on him. “Yoru is patched up, so don't worry about him.”

You nod, “I'll take care of Phoenix.”

Once Skye leaves, you return your attention towards Phoenix wounds and lay your hands on his arm and one on his stomach, wincing when he whines and tries to back away from the pressure.

Your hands glow a soft cyan and you close your eyes, concentrating your whole power on those zones alone. The both of them watch with different layers of wonder the injury being healed instantly without leaving any trace of scars. 

Only the fabric of his jacket is damaged beyond repair, blood still staining the fabric and part of his skin, you only hope Phoenix forgives you for not being able to fix that.

But it doesn't seem to be his concern once you're done and subtly look at him for approval, biting your lip in nervousness and awaiting his reaction.

Phoenix turns his arm around for a second, flexing his fingers to notice that not even the injury was gone, but the pain on his whole arm has been washed away as well. 

He watches in amazement the last remaining of light coming from you before pouncing on your form with delight.

“Girl, you shoulda told me you were this impressive with the healing!” his arm goes around your shoulder, giving you a playful squeeze while grinning. “Did you save Yoru's ass too? Thank you!”

You only get to nod, smiling softly at his enthusiasm and feeling your face warm with his attention.

“Yoru didn't want me to touch him.” You can feel the japanese man's eye burning at the back of your head, but ignore him to keep talking with Phoenix. “And I guess Skye's healing is better than mine, so I couldn't offer assistance.”

“Nah, it's aight, girlie.” Phoenix winks, getting closer to whisper in your ear, “Yoru likes natural healing, either way, don't take it personal.”

Suddenly, the British boy is ripped away from you. You watch, to your horror, Phoenix getting punched right on his face.

You watch as he falls to the ground, groaning in pain and caressing the tender skin affected and getting swollen as the seconds passes by.  When you redirect your attention, Yoru's face is morphed to what could be described as pure annoyance and anger, breathing in heavily and scowling at his friend sprawled on the floor after taking the hit this easily. 

You don’t know whether to intervene or let them resolve this problem by themselves, but seeing as Yoru approaches to keep this onslaught on going, you decide is best to de-escalate things.

Standing up from where you sat, the best course of action is to ignore Yoru and simply help Phoenix get to his feet and lead him to the jet to reunite with your missing teammates. 

Phoenix lets himself be handled by your caring touch, apologizing when your hand hovers over the skin of his cheekbone and for troubling you. You bite your tongue, swallowing back words of reassurance to him but indirect blame to Yoru; the least you want is for him to look for a reason to fight you, too.

“It's just swollen up, I can heal it once we are on air, is that alright?”

“Yeah, no problem!” He seems ruffled and a bit flustered, but grins as if nothing has happened. 

Taking Phoenix by the arm, you don’t dare to look back and guide him to the jet. If Skye and Viper are awaiting your arrival you’re not sure, but anywhere is better than hanging in the bad atmosphere Yoru has created.

You cannot wait to get back to the base and sleep the day away.

[sburbian-sage]

Hey there, groovyMoonbird again (currently a mage of hope, whats with the hope class)

I talked a bit about this last time ( i apologize about the radical change in tone during that post i figured out a bit back how to make alcohol using some berries i alchemized)

Dont know how long its been for you but its been around 3 months for me since the end of my last session

Ive found myself here alone in this session, as far as i can tell and what youve told me, i either have a solo session or based on what i know about the void class a missing player, but even void doesn't quite line up with some of this

I went ahead and checked a few dungeons before i found a duo-dungeon

Its not blank persay, as it has a large square as the secondary symbol, not sure what this could indicate

Far more alarming however is that my denizen is also gone, im having large stretches where my memory blanks (even when i dont drink) and i continue to be normal blind in my fucked up eye

Said fuck it and went to challenge my denizen in a half drunken rage only to find nothing, everything has been looted and cleared out

Land is nothing special as far as i can tell (land of bushes and swamps)

The reason im so concerned is that i haven't slept at all since starting this session and staring at the square on dungeons makes my teeth hurt and fills my mouth with a sugary saliva , so im certain that i have a doppelganger situation occurring

The consorts are addressing me as two people now

Im afraid that something is very very wrong with this session

Wait, groovyMoonbird, you were the anon stuck in the solo session? Right after getting noclipped into the Furthest Ring? I think you have the worst luck I've ever seen in my life, given the frequency with which you find yourself in improbable situations. Do yourself a favor and please contact a gamebreaking community at some point, I'm sure they'll love you, and also have zillions of questions.

A Saccharine Doppleganger may be possible, if you're experiencing sudden sugar tastings (or sympathetic sugar rushes, which might be contributing to any pain or black-outs), but a lot of this behavior doesn't line up with what scant reports of Saccharine Dopplegangers that exist. While they are copies of you, they aren't player entities. I'm pretty sure the Consorts shouldn't be acknowledging them, and the game registering them another player and generating a false Aspect for them is just straight-up impossible. Killing the denizen is also highly unusual behavior, they usually just shittify your house by making thousands of Fancy Santas, and then they track you down and do something unspeakable to you. Speaking of which, if you can get to an Alchemiter, JPG-ify your gun. Saccharine Dopplegangers tend to make Zilly equipment, and Artifact is the only hard counter to that kind of stuff. It will be a janky-ass gun you probably can't even hold correctly, but that will be your best tool in the fight. I want you to know I'm being sincere right now, this isn't a prank.

Now here's the bad news. Without your Denizen, you're kind of fucked. I once again don't think the Saccharine Doppleganger killed it, but point is, they're pretty useful when you're completely lost up Poop Creek without a paddle, or a boat. The good news is, we don't actually know what happened to it. It could have just not spawned because not all players are in the session yet. It could just be hiding and fucking with you. After you're done mopping up the Candy Thing, I'd reccomend scouring for any signs of the potential missing players. The Duo Dungeon is a lead, but there's also the Dream Moons and any SBURB-related forums on Earth (or whatever planet you came from), assuming you haven't 100% confirmed that Earth is 100% destroyed.

You survived too much for some sort of Void Session to kill you. Fight on, groovyMoonbird!

[engagedtobefree]

I talked to Scott on the phone again last night, and now I'm worried. We talked for about 50 minutes and it was normal like our other phone conversations, except for a few things.

Scott told me I seemed kind of shy on Saturday, that I wasn't as talkative as I used to be. I can see what he meant; I had trouble making eye contact and I was really nervous. So I tell Scott I was just nervous and he said, "Oh, aight." I also wasn't flirty like I used to be, but only because I don't want to feed into any possible bad intentions. It's not how it was before when I felt more confidence about Scott's feelings toward me (though that certainly waxed and waned) and I was protected by being at work. Flirting now at my place could potentially lead somewhere.

Then I yawned, and I guess it sounded a little different cuz Scott asked me why I moaned. I tell him it was a yawn and then he said what sounded like, "idk, Dana." "What?" Then, to my surprise he responds with an, "Oh, Dana", making the "oh" sound moany. I instantly feel turned on. I almost respond with "are you the one moaning now?" but I stop myself and don't say anything back to him. I want to hear Scott's moans and sex noises, but I don't want to feed into this if all he is looking for is sex.

A few minutes later he mentions me in my "tight ass jeans and boots." I respond best I can, saying I do miss dressing up, and he says if he can make it over tomorrow (today, now) that maybe I could dress up for him. I tell him I can. Truthfully, most of my old jeans are too tight now since I gained weight and I haven't been able to lose anything yet. I have a pair I can probably wear though.

All of this makes me worried though. What if Scott really is just looking to have sex with me? What if that's all he wants? I can't tell because I notice things that could point to that or could point to him wanting something more. What if he doesn't only want sex and he just...can't help himself saying these things?

I'm terrified, not of Scott but of getting hurt. And if Scott were to hurt me in such a big way while I am pretty emotionally vulnerable and raw, idk how I'd handle it. I am still working on healing from past trauma with men and if another man were to hurt me right now, especially one I have my heart so invested in and am choosing to trust, idk what it would do to me.

I'm worried that I've waited all this time and hoped for a miracle just for Scott to come back only looking for one thing. This isn't what I waited for. I don't want to be called hot. Yeah, it's nice, but only sometimes; it just feels hollow hearing it over and over. I want Scott to also think I'm pretty. I want to date Scott. I've always wanted to date Scott. And while I want him in my bed, that's not how I want to start out. I know we already have an established relationship with each other, but I'd still like something more first.

Idk if I should bring it up to Scott if I see him tonight. Do I just come out and ask him what he wants and what his intentions are? I want to know, but at the same time I'm terrified of what the truth might be. What if he makes a move? That's going to be so hard for me because on one hand I'm going to really want it, and on the other hand it's not going to be how I want it. And if he makes a move, do I stop him and tell him I can't and tell him I don't want to get hurt, that I know we both are looking for different things? I can't just assume Scott only wants sex, but I need to protect myself. I'm also just at the tail end of my period, so I could always use that as an excuse, though he most likely won't care and I'd rather be honest than find an excuse.

I want to see Scott and I want him to come over, but now I'm also fearful of it. I will be away next weekend, so if I can't see him tonight I'm going to keep worrying about this for several more weeks. And that's just assuming I do get some sort of answer tonight. But how can I hide my nervousness? Normally, I can fake things fairly well when I want to, so unless someone really knows me and my energy, I could get away with faking being okay. I don't think that's gonna work with Scott though. He knows me and he can tell when something is off. It doesn't hurt to try, but I'm not confident at all that he won't be able to see right through it.

But then there's the other side of things.

I keep thinking about Scott saying, "Yeah, me too." when I said I want to consciously choose someone who I truly want to be with. Does Scott really want a relationship? How long has it been since he consciously made a decision to be with someone he wants? How long has it been since he followed his heart and went after what he wanted instead of what he thought was the right thing to do? Am I what he wants? When he stops to listen to his heart, does it tell him to make his way back to me? I have many questions about his response to me.

I also have doubts about my doubts. If Scott only wanted one thing then why would he talk on the phone with me every weekend and for long periods of time? Why compliment me in other ways and show his interest in what I have to say? Why open up to me about things when naturally he's very guarded? Why say that he missed me? Granted, that could all be a ploy to reel me in, but I don't think Scott is that deceptive, especially because he knows I'm into him so he wouldn't have to make all of these efforts. Also, why apologize for being a dick and hurting me, only to turn around and act that way and do it again? I mean, I have had men do that same thing to me on two different occasions, but I can't judge Scott by what other men have done. That wouldn't be fair. And Scott also asked me if I'm currently seeing someone or have a boyfriend. Why ask that if he just wants sex? Why should he care whether I cheat or not if I was with someone if he just wanted sex from me?

I also wonder why Scott was so surprised when he found out I haven't dated because of my feelings for him. Does he not think someone could have such strong feelings for him or that he's not worth waiting for? Does he really think I dated during the time we've known each other? Or maybe thought I did after he left?

I feel so lonely with all of these thoughts. I had my therapy session on Tuesday and I went over a few things, but since my conversation with Scott last night, more has come up. Who else can I go to? I wouldn't go to any close or casual friends with this, and if I told my best friends, I know they wouldn't be very happy that I even let Scott through my door. Even if I did ask for someone's advice, they can't tell me what the right thing to do would be. I am completely alone with this.

I hope this isn't a losing game. I want to be treated right, as it's been such a very, very long time since I have been, and even then, it didn't last forever. I don't think it's too much to ask for.

Also, the sun right now is inconjunt/quincunx my natal Saturn -__- like why did this have to happen right now, on the weekend?

Also, I follow YouTube and Instagram tarot accounts and they're always super accurate for me, but I figured I'll post one just this time on here since it's so related to this. I watched this video after I wrote all of the above stuff. I usually only choose one deck with the YouTube readings, but occasionally two decks will have equal energy, which occurred this time.

Group #2 - go with the flow and blend in to catch people in off-guard moments to see who they truly are. Observe them and listen more (as a Libra, I can very much get quiet and simply observe, which I have been doing with Scott). You are too tired to be in the spotlight and need time for privacy with your love life, not telling friends or family about it. You don't want to put yourself out there and invest in someone to realize this person was with you for the wrong reasons. You are not over-sharing at this time. You value yourself and don't want to get hurt, so you're guarding your heart. You're still open, but just getting to know someone. You know how far to go and when to protect yourself. You don't want to make the same mistakes like you did in the past. You want clarity and guidance. Someone may behave in a stupid manner and may try to play you, thinking they're smarter. However there is an opportunity with a dark male, whatever that means for you. This is more about energy than physical appearance, and could just be someone with a lot of masculine energy. You are highly desirable so this man wants to be closer to you. This person wants longevity with you, not a whirlwind affair. You need to let your wall down a little bit to let them know you're into them as they may question it and get insecure. Only do this when you're sure of who they are and their intentions. They are adventurous and spontaneous, and they may try to show off how cool they are. They may get clumsy and nervous though. You might have commitment-phobia and might want to run or self-sabotage. Avoid this. Someone will be offering genuine love and interest, so do not worry. Surround yourself with love and spend quality time with others in your life where you can let your guard down.

Group #3 - an earth sign (Scott is a Capricorn) is here as a romantic connection. It's only a matter of time before you connect and sparks fly and you know you're for one another (I'd like to stay sober now to really feel out his energy and the energy of our connection). They are very promising. Do not pre-judge this person and give them a fair chance. Don't jump to conclusions. Allow them the chance to prove they're trustworthy and worthy of being a part of your life in a romantic sense. Stick to making progress with other areas of your life. Someone you know is not dependable and sincere, so don't trust in confiding with someone else about this situation. They might be jealous (I can see this being my mom, as she gets very jealous whenever I am with other people). You may feel like something is lacking in your life, maybe caused by someone else. Someone may leave your life as this new person enters. You will be happy this person leaves. Be aware of any future problems, there will be signs from the universe. Zesty energy, emotion, and passion is coming. Your guides are trying to protect you from yourself. Don't let your anger take over or you'll be sorry. Try not to be triggered by others. You're being called to take yourself on a date and spend money on yourself. Remember to practice self-love. You can only feel fulfilled in your love life if you feel fulfilled in yourself first. Others may set their own expectations for your love life. Don't seek others approval. Remind yourself we are not separate from each other. We are all energy. Don't be judgmental just as you don't want to be judged. Your love life will be full of generosity and spending time together. Your dreams can become your reality, but you need to make the effort. (I feel like maybe I need to focus on my healing more often than I am). Put yourself out there. (ugh. Scary). Someone is feeling like it's time to let go of holding on too deeply and may not think you'll ever end up together. Could be someone you friend-zoned and they will finally give up on you and see you moving on. (I've friend-zoned quite a few people, so it's possible).

So yeah, I guess July has a lot of potential, and both readings were scary-accurate for how I'm currently feeling and perceiving things. So either Scott is out to deceive me or he has really good intentions. Guess I'll find out soon.

[yourpsychovengeance]

What I'm about to tell you is a true story. Please read until the end and share it to others to raise awareness.

⚠️ TW: R*PE, SU*C*DE ⚠️

⚠️ 18+ ⚠️

I was 5...

You're one of the people from church. You're a funny guy, I always enjoy your jokes and stories. One day you said you want to show me something good and I should follow you. I wish I haven't...

"Suck it, it's just a big lollipop."

"Yummy milk will come out, I promise."

"You wanna put it in here?... I'm afraid it won't fit."

"This is a secret for the both of us only, okay?"

The "milk" wasn't yummy at all and I've always wondered what would've happen to my fragile body if he really put it in. Now, it scares me...

You were never contented, you invited your friends one by one. They all did the same thing.

I regretted and wished I at least told my parents, but I didn't. I was a kid and I didn't know what's happening. He said it's just a game and it's normal. "It was done by many." And so I thought.

It goes on until...

I was 7...

You had the audacity to start your own family and moved to another town.

Even so, your friends remained. It got to the point where I became famous to the boys in our neighborhood without me knowing why. Sometimes, they call me "slut." And here I am with no idea what that means and why they call me that. It goes on until I was a teenager.

Every summer break, an uncle visits my grandma and stays for a week or until classes resume (he was a college student then). I play with him during summer break. It was fine until he found me asleep in my grandma's bed. My grandma was out to buy groceries and we are the only people in the house. All I remember is that I woke up with me lying on his stomach whil he's masturbating. I pretended to be asleep until he finished. At this point I don't know what to feel anymore. I felt empty...

Again, I never told my parents becuse I am a shy kid and I don't talk much about how I feel with anyone, even with my parents. The harrassment stopped when we moved to another town when I was 9.

I'm doing fine, I'm living how a child should be. Enjoying my time playing and studying. I was an honor student. Until I accidentally saw my uncle's lewd magazines when I was 11. I suddenly remembered everything done to me when I was younger. I got confused. I don't know what to feel. All I know is that is how I started learning to masturbate at such a young age. I remembered that I don't like doing it but I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I cry while doing it and I don't even know what to do with it. I'm not even feeling pleasure to it.

I live on with that ever confusing state with a young mind.

I was 12...

We now live with our grandma, back to the town we lived when I was young, because both my parents now work overseas. I don't know what happened to the boys who harrassed me when I was young and I don't care as long as they don't bother me anymore. Or so I thought...

My grandma has a brother and he's older than her. He even uses a cane to help him walk. One time he carassed my thigh while we were sitting. I was so shocked I don't know what to say or do. I've been taught that elderlies must be respected and obeyed or I'll get spanked. When he finally stopped, I immediately ran to the bathroom and cried...

I was 13...

This was the most haunting moment I've experienced. It still haunts my mind every now and then.

My grandma hired a maid. Our maid is young, she was only 17. We got close to each other and I treated her like my big sister. Like how sisters are, we both share our lovelife stories. It was fun, it's a typical teenage life, I even had my puppy love for the first time. He treats me well and he's a gentleman. Unfortunately, we broke up because his mom doesn't like me. Up to this day, I still don't know why she hated me.

Moving on... I liked our maid very much that I go with her even when she goes out during her day offs. One time on her day off, she went home because it's her sister's birthday. I was allowed to go with her and have a sleepover. I was happy. But today, I always wish I haven't gone there...

When we got to their house, they ordered alcohol. I'm not gonna lie, I drank too. It was my first time. In this drinking session, I met her family. That's when I met her brother, he's 24 and works as a driver. Their house is small, shabby and only made of woods and palm leaves. So when it's time to sleep, we all shared one room. They also don't have a bed so we just slept on the floor. I was so wasted that night. It was my first time drinking and I am in no good condition. As everyone was peacefully sleeping, her brother crept beside me and slowly pulled me to the corner. I don't feel good and was half-asleep but I saw him already half naked on top of me. I was about to talk but he covered my mouth with something. I don't know what he did to me but I felt really dizzy. I thought I might fall asleep of the dizziness so I banged my head. It was painful but I managed to slightly open my eyes. I'm still dizzy but I see him sucking my chest. I thought I'm making a lot of noise but nobody is waking up, neither can I talk. I am so confused at that moment. Why is nobody waking up? I was weak but I keep on struggling. But as I was struggling, he caught my hands and tied it behind me. He pulled my hair, shut my mouth with a cloth and banged my head on the pillow. From then on, all I felt was pain. He pulled down his pants and my pants, and he aggressively pushed his way in. It was horrible and painful...

I couldn't do anything. All I know is that I'm in pain and I want it to end. But when he finished, he showed me a cloth and said "Wow, look at all this blood."

I cried.

The morning after, I was silent. I feel so empty, my eyes is empty. I can still feel the pain. Our maid told me to pack up 'cause we're going home. As I was packing up, I heard voices from the window. I saw our maid's brother (the one who r*ped me) and the younger one. The younger one is pointing at his older brother saying "Wtf, she was just a child! That was too much, I can' t do this anymore. I'm so done with you!" As I heard that, I quickly returned to packing my bag. I thought to myself "I am so done with this family, I wanna go home." How could they? So someone was awake while I was suffering and he didn't even dare to stop his brother? DID HE JUST WATCH HIS BROTHER R*PE ME???

When we are about to leave, our maid's brother whispered to me, "Don't ever tell anyone about what happened last night or I'll kill your family."

We're finally back home and I don't know what to do. I was so afraid. I was young and gullible. I couldn't say anything to my parents or grandma 'cause I'm scared. But that night, I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to talk to our maid, that' s how much I trust her. But in the end, she scared me 'cause she boldly asked "Was it good? Did you enjoy it?"

I was speechless. They're all f*cking animals.

It weighed on me like a big boulder on both my shoulders. I kept saying it was just a horrible nightmare but the pain still lingers. Sometimes I slice my wrists or take unprescribed pills to end my suffering. But it just added to my pain.

On one of my worst nights, I contacted my puppy love and told him what has been happening. I know we broke up but we still managed to have secret connections that time because we still like each other. But guess what? He was disgusted by me and he never talked to me ever again since that night.

I lost all my confidante.

A few months later, my mom finally went home for a vacation leave. I cried to her. I just pretended I missed her so much that's why I'm so emotional but her maternal instict got to her. She asked me what really is wrong and that's when I broke down and told her everything. I even told her to keep it a secret 'cause I'm afraid they will really be killed by him.

Of course, she refused.

She contacted my father about it. My father was devastated. She then went to our maid and talked to her, I don't know what about or the details, but she was fired.

After they talked, they went to our maid's house. I don't know the details, all I know is that my mom is so angry and she is taking it to legal matters. She will file a case for what he did.

Sadly and regrettably, it didn't happen. The *ssh*le fled somewhere before he was taken by the authorities. Prior to my r*pe case, we didn't know that he was already wanted because of a m*rder case in another town. Up to this day, he is still missing and wanted.

I was 14...

Hisghschool.

When my puppy love never talked to me again, I lost all my confidence and self-love. I don't know how to respect my self anymore. I feel so dirty. I am a dirtbag, that's what I am. Because of that mindset, I ended up flirting around with boys. I've had many exes whom I let my heart be wasted on. I have never been single. If a boyfriend broke up with me, I find another to flirt with me. I lived my teenage life being a flirt, but I never let them touch me and sometimes that's one of the reasons why they broke up with me. I was trashed by others, they look down on me, but I felt nothing. I lost myself.

As I was fooling around, I met a graduating college student. He was one of our practice teacher. Before he became a practice teacher, we already know each other. We used to chat over the phone. We have a lot of similarities when it comes to interests and so we got close. Despite the age gap, I liked him. We hang out every now and then but he always keep me a secret. He never wants anybody to find us out. He wants to stay low from the crowd.

I know you're gonna say that after everything I've been through, I never learned my lesson. Yeah, I know. You can hate me but it's all in the past now and I've been better.

Going back to the story, I know it was a red flag keeping our relationship secret but I never mind it. I kept my mind clouded from thinking that I finally found someone I can get comfortable with. I am still such a gullible kid I wanna punch my past self.

Until he took me to a motel one time. He said we're just gonna hang out there because in that place, no one will see us. It is a huge red flag, I know what people do in a motel, but I went with him anyway. I really like him, you can say I was really blinded by this so-called love.

When we arrived, we just started watching tv. I feel awkward, of course, we're in a f*cking motel. It's the first time I felt nervous when he get closer to me. My intuition was right 'cause he started touching me. I am shivering inside, the nightmares from before is still lingering. But I distracted myself by thinking "This is for the best, this is your chance to fight your fear." (Yeah right,'for the best' my *ss.) but I still can't do it. I told him I can't and we should stop but he never listened. He started kissing me and kept touching me. I stood up and yelled "I said stop!" He became angry and that's the first time I saw him angry. He slapped me and threw me back to bed and told me "I know you want it too you dirty little slut. It's all your fault!" I was shocked. He's never like this before. I knew this was gonna happen. Regret came all over me and I started blaming myself all over again. "Yes, this is all my fault, I should just let it be. I am really just a dirtbag..." That's what I thought at that time. I felt empty all over again.

And since then, I became his s*x slave, I was afraid he'll become violent on me again if I refused. He even go for threesome sometimes. Worst, he lets me watch him have sex with other girls and tell me to masturbate on the corner. It hurts me a lot.

To this point, I began questioning myself why I always end up with these kind of guys but I also end up answering myself with "because you're a slut, a whore, a dirtbag, who wants to be with a girl who's already touched by many guys?"

I tried to commit su*c*de by cutting my wrists just to end my suffering but I ended up still living. I failed so many times that even in dying, I still failed.

I've been his s*x slave for how many years, I can't even remember. It all ended up when I finally stood up for myself and cut all communications with him. It's also an advantage when I moved out because he doesn't know where I live anymore.

He kept messaging me on social media but I always block him. I also changed my phone number. He finally stopped when I was a college student and knew better. I told him I caught STDs and I have proofs of him fooling around with minors. He was scared of STDs and his reputation being ruined. What's a f*cked up guy who always fools around but scared of STDs? Thankfully, he's a stupid f*ck who believed my lie. It's been years and he doesn't bother me anymore.

I told my story not to gain sympathy but to raise awareness and help encourage others who's experiencing the same to keep on fighting.

After everything I've experienced, I learned how to fight for myself in the end. I learned how to respond to these kind of people. I also didn't end up hating all men because I learned that there's still good men out there through my father. Besides, some girls are also capable to r*pe/s*xually assault.

This is what r*pe, s*xual harrassment/assault does to a person. We get scared, we get nightmares, we get confused, we blame ourselves. But remember, we are still capable to fight. You f*ck up the minds of the children you harrased/assaulted. It f*cks up their perspectives as a child. It's hard to fix. As I grow up, it was hard for me to regain my confidence and self-love. It was tiring and I even tried to commit su*c*de.

To all the people who experienced the same ('cause not only girls experience r*pe, don' t you ever forget that!), whether it be you're a girl or a boy or part of the lgbt, keep fighting for your life! Never give up. It was hard but I know we can get through it. I, myself, still have nightmares sometimes but I am now able to respond to it without breaking down. And most importantly, NEVER BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP. If you need help, ask for it. There are still people who are kind-hearted. Therapy helps too! So please, don't keep it all to yourself. If you can't take it anymore, ask for help.

You can also message me if you need to. Spread love and not hate! Have a safe day.

[kidmachinate]

Sometimes, You Need Help Standing Back Up

Before I get into what this post now is, let me explain what it was. Similar to posts I’ve made, this was gonna be either a tragedy or thought masked in imagery/gaming/song references. I don’t think this is a shock to anyone, especially to a anyone that knows me. It was gonna be a quote that led into being a “gray rock” with some but not all context provided. This would be looped back around into using a pebble in Bloodborne to kill an enemy. Going through the long grueling process of doing that so I can be like, hey, I did it. Here’s the problem. It stems from an issue I have, an issue that some kind of outside validation is needed. Like hey, I did the thing. Crazy, given I try so hard to be a pillar of hope and inspiring to others. People don’t see what I deal with though inside and I’m tired. Very, very tired. So, this post will go in a different direction. To point at the only person there is to blame for all this. Me.

I have an addiction to toxic relationships. It’s true. Or maybe to fixing others. Is there a term for this? Call me crazy if you will but it is the truth. It’s not drinking, it’s not drugs, it’s not whatever else we commonly speak of…but I promise it is as real as it gets. I read this before making this post. Somehow...it doesn't make me feel better. This is without therapy. These are my thoughts of where it all stems from and why I cling to it whether it be in regard to friends, family, or partners. I will be bringing this up next session and seeing what I can do about it because I need help. Badly. More than Red Warrior needing food. Because my thought is always, I can see that in me. I too am not perfect. I can fix it! No…I fucking can’t.

When I entered a certain period in high school, I was slipping in both the relationship I had at the time by taking on a damaged partner and really dropping the ball on my grades. Said partner was always picked on. I get that since I too was mostly an outcast at school and not one of the "cool kids" as I say to this day. Before someone gets the wrong idea, let’s drop a hint. I got with this unnamed person which apparently held me back from many others I could have pursued, or so I was told. Oops. It wasn’t a crucial relationship in my life by any means, but I wish you peace…wherever you are. I knew I COULD do good and get the grades. My mind just needed to be right. I asked my parents for help. I specifically said the following and I verified this to make sure I didn't remember this incorrectly:

“I think I need help”

They only saw the report card and were like, hey, let’s get him a math tutor. That isn’t the help I was seeking. I asked a few more times, providing more and more context each time. It wasn’t long before I realized I wasn’t being taken seriously. I folded. These are patterns that continued on and on. Over and over again. I would see a math tutor for months. Bless her heart, I wouldn’t have passed math without her. I was slipping in other subjects as well. I worked hard senior year just to graduate. To prove I could. That I was “good enough” to my parents. Looking back, did school really matter? That’s a whole other conversation. Always having to look good for someone. That is technically what school teaches you. To be a good employee. Not an entrepreneur. To take orders.

Is this why it all occurs as it does and I carried it over to every aspect of my life? I don't know. It is my theory. I'll be talking about this with my therapist. In the later years, before Dad's passing, he started to understand why I was defiant at times. Did things differently. Still got jobs done even if not the way he said for the family business. Got zero complaints running the business in his absence. Told you I could do it. He understood. Miss the hell out of you Dad.

The thing is all of this led to me never at any point in time opening up enough to lay out boundaries. This was my mistake time and time again. Any attempt at showing emotion I would shut myself down. My Dad never caved and I'm in a spanish family. Gotta be a MAN! Can't go showing emotion and shit. What an old concept. I'm glad we're starting to change the narrative on that in the world. At times when I would try to make my feelings and/or attempts at boundaries in relationships that lasted long enough for this to matter, it would be shut down in favor or what was going on in their lives. That's fair. Let's ride this wave together. But then my scenario got overlooked. Constantly. Before the no contact suggestion comes, while I get it, it still doesn't solve the me mystery. I seek answers.

This all was my fault. If someone gets mad upon setting a boundary or opening up about feelings, that is probably a sign they were benefitting from you not having one. But how is one to know if it was never stated? I tried more than once but eventually caved, like I did back in high school. I'd brush it off and be like this is fine because I believed in the potential (another mistake) of insert any relationship here. Some didn't last long enough for this to matter but the ones that did took their toll. I could have done better. I'm trying to in the last few months and results have been quite telling. Regardless of what I discover with others, I still need to fix me.

What else is there to say? Not much. So how do we cope? We laugh. We acknowledge. We even make fun our ourselves. I used this before. I found my kirby.

I might lose some people after making this public. The thing of all this is the details don't matter and there is so much that will likely forever go unsaid. I've got a support group for that. The signs were there in each scenario and I stayed. The hard part is still wanting to care and also not letting the scenarios convert to hate and being jaded...and it is really...fucking...hard. I felt myself shifting towards hate so I needed to pull back. I'm scheduling my next appointment soon because I can focus on me without outside scenarios. If I haven't lost you, thanks. This is the most vulnerable post I've made on here. Possibly ever. We shall see. Intent matters, sure. But sometimes, you too, can be the toxic one.

If the healer dies, the raid goes to shit. Time to heal myself and get my shit together. Again.

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Nancy

Edie: here then is it? Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Do you wanna see some pics? Edie: nah Edie: saw the socials Nancy: They're both okay, like Edie: Obvs, McKenna, reckon they'd bother to hmu if they were dead Edie: cheers then Nancy: There's a huge difference between alright and dead Nancy: I'm just saying Edie: not to me Nancy: Do you want me to tell anyone anything or? Edie: do what u wanna Edie: everyone busy Nancy: They aren't that busy Nancy: It's a baby not a bomb threat Edie: she ain't that special Edie: least they were expecting that alien looking thing this time Edie: progress Nancy: Barely but you know Nancy: Feels like a giant step back if anything Edie: 🙄 Edie: gutted for you Nancy: No you aren't, so don't bother with any of it Edie: obviously not Nancy: Is there anything else you actually wanna know/say 'cause I'm not good at this Nancy: Let's not pretend I am Edie: you rude as fuck Nancy: And what, you're the only one allowed? Edie: i ain't done anything to you but nah feel pressed Edie: u love it Nancy: You've disappeared and everyone is worried. You don't care about that but I do Nancy: So sorry if I don't wanna indulge it, like Edie: only got time for your sads? Edie: joke Nancy: I wish Nancy: We'd all love to run away Nancy: But some of us have to actually stick around Edie: boohoo Edie: dry Edie: what good u think u are mckenna Nancy: Go away again, Edie Nancy: I don't need this Nancy: Nobody does Edie: 😂 Edie: u ain't got nothing but problems you made up cos ur boring Edie: same as her, fucking drew the only excitement she ever had Nancy: Thanks for the therapy session Edie: mommy issues, next Nancy: You're such a cliche Nancy: At least give me one I haven't heard a million times before Edie: ok miss i want my teacher to pipe me Edie: act superior some more it funny Nancy: I'll be here all week Nancy: And longer Edie: whatever Edie: no u wont but run your mouth all u want Edie: u all talk a big game Nancy: Some of us do bother to say what we mean Nancy: Shockingly Edie: nah Edie: you out in a few months max Edie: the only one that always here is him and he always will be Nancy: Going to uni doesn't make me a ghost Nancy: Keeping in touch is easy if you want to Edie: like u ain't already Edie: oh babe Nancy: You don't know me Edie: who wants to Nancy: Plenty of people Edie: yeah like i say Edie: making up problems done wonders for ur cred Edie: least they talking yeah Nancy: Like I said, you don't know me Edie: u wish Edie: transparent Nancy: I really don't Nancy: I've dealt with enough bitches already thanks Edie: 😥 Edie: nawh Nancy: You wanna talk shit to me some more, go ahead Nancy: Nice to know you're still alive at least Edie: always with the self-pity, ain't a good look fyi but go off Nancy: You'd know Edie: i'm the only one celebrating this thing birth not comiserating Edie: poor fuck Nancy: Congrats, like Nancy: Go do that and leave me alone Edie: nah Nancy: I'm ignoring you now Edie: sure Edie: like u can Nancy: Literally always have Edie: yeah why u had to run here init Edie: so strong Edie: so like ur mummy Nancy: I'm not strong and it ain't news Edie: hoping playing damsel get u some Edie: who ain't Edie: cute Nancy: No, I just know myself Nancy: You can't hurt me by pointing out my flaws, babe. I'm aware Edie: who trying Edie: no need Edie: ready to cry over nothing always Nancy: Keep talking like you know about it Nancy: It just shows how much you don't Edie: so mysterious Edie: so guarded Edie: now u wishing Nancy: You're just putting words in my mouth now Nancy: You wish you knew me well enough to call me out Nancy: I'm not my brother, sorry. I don't wanna flirt with you Edie: i already said Edie: no one tryna know u babe Edie: least of all him Edie: comorbidity with ur mommy issues is ur twincest moment obvs Nancy: You're so wrong it's just awkward Edie: u brought up flirting w him Edie: that's awks Nancy: I brought him flirting with you, actually Edie: not rio Edie: why u jealous Nancy: Gross Nancy: He loves her, he entertains you Nancy: Not the same thing Edie: we all pretending that ain't fucked up then but this drew situ omg defcon1 Edie: this family 😂 good for the craic if literally nothing else Nancy: Nobody's pretending it isn't a mess Nancy: They just aren't being as rude as you Edie: oh no Edie: they'd NEVER do that Edie: 'cept they let joe pipe his own sister, drew fuck his way through this entire fam, gonna let them get married Edie: yeah Edie: the last thing you all do is turn a blind eye 😂 Edie: keep posting them pics like it's cute Nancy: Live in the past some more like it matters Nancy: It's done Nancy: I can't personally change it for you so Edie: past? Edie: bitch this happening right now Edie: jokes too miss imma have a victim complex cos the rich girls didn't wanna play nice with me Nancy: What's happening right now is being dealt with right now, Jesus Nancy: You'd know if you were here Edie: too late as per Edie: let it become a problem then we can all feel so sorry for ourselves aw Edie: let the skeleton raise the abortion go off Edie: slaying it Nancy: What's your solution? Nancy: We can't tell her what to do Edie: get the bitch hospitalized Edie: duh Edie: she isn't fit to be in her job or be a ma Edie: let her fuck this one up tho, join the ranks Nancy: If I could, I would Edie: sure Nancy: What you think you're the only one who's just had that oh so original thought? Nancy: Please Edie: please, like ur the only one acting as if your hands are tied Nancy: Mine are Nancy: What the fuck do you think I can do, Edie? Edie: grow a pair mckenna Edie: the act didn't work Edie: miss didn't wanna fuck u, mommy ain't coming to rescue u either 'cos u ain't her fave Edie: try something else, be original, christ Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: And do what? Nobody's gonna put Ro in hospital 'cause I say so Nancy: Or take the kid when she technically hasn't done anything wrong Edie: ring the social Edie: christ got an in Edie: like nan ain't been knew since she took the bitch in she ain't right Nancy: You know they'd investigate and do nothing Nancy: You aren't that stupid Edie: u know u too pussy to do it Edie: everyone in this fam and they wanna front like they anything but Nancy: Bullshit Nancy: Lord, I wish everything was as black and white as you're convinced it is Edie: here we go again Edie: woe is the tragic clan Edie: newsflash, normal people aren't beset by all this fucking drama and actual bullshit Edie: cos they don't roll around in it and revel in the fucking stink Nancy: None of us are normal, get over it Edie: u reckon u ain't wait for all the inbreeding kids ur gonna have to pretend are cute Edie: snap snap Nancy: Again, what do you want me to do? Nancy: I can't stop them being together Nancy: It's not like I want them to be in love or get married Edie: sure no one can we're all so helpless Edie: enough people had the balls to say nah it's fucked Edie: then rio would stop, end of, we all know it Nancy: Or they'd run away like you have Nancy: That's made everyone really happy, like Edie: yeah ur welcome Edie: more drama to jack it to Nancy: You're so selfish Edie: what, and you're the only ones allowed? Edie: gasp Edie: everyone is out for themselves and harps on the others for doing it too Edie: keep up Nancy: That's how you see it 'cause that's how it suits you Edie: that's the spirit Nancy: Your mum had a good birthday, by the way Edie: didn't ask Edie: but unsurprised Nancy: I knew you wouldn't Nancy: Doesn't mean you shouldn't know Edie: that the best u got like Edie: i been knew she's the worst of all Nancy: You wish Edie: yeah i love having a cunt for a ma hbu babe Nancy: You do though Nancy: You love thinking you do anyway Edie: yh buzzin Edie: got it in one Edie: u really aren't the smart 1 damn Nancy: I've never tried to say I am Nancy: You've got the wrong twin there Nancy: I'm the stupid one, and again, aware Edie: 😥 Edie: good ting i ain't here for ur wisdom Nancy: Fuck knows what you are here for Nancy: Please go Edie: the craic Edie: i told u Edie: so funny Nancy: If I'm the best you've got Nancy: Poor you Edie: fucking hell mckenna Edie: no one ever gonna wanna fuck u with an attitude like that Nancy: The good thing about fucking is that you don't have to talk Edie: pillow princess Edie: figures Nancy: Oh so you like to be chatty with it? Okay Edie: just a suggestion Edie: u ain't all that to look at either wanna give 'em something to keep interest Nancy: I don't want them to stick around so it's fine Nancy: But you do you Edie: oh and i'm selfish Edie: just like ur brother Edie: cute Nancy: Didn't you get the memo Nancy: He's changed Edie: least he might be worth the ride now then Edie: good for him Nancy: Gross Nancy: I hope you don't want me to pass that message on Edie: keep it to yourself if that's how you vibing girl Nancy: I'd rather not hear it but you didn't ask Edie: just meeting your expectations Edie: i'm rude yeah Nancy: Like you're so offended Edie: 💔 Nancy: I think you have to have one, babe Edie: ya 'bullies' school you that zinger Edie: knew it weren't that bad Nancy: They were more about the homophobia Nancy: Unlikely to work on you Edie: it ain't the 70s who does it Nancy: If you wanna go to London and tell them Nancy: Still probably something they could do with learning Edie: how you know i aint Nancy: If you were in Chelsea you'd have more to laugh at than me and this conversation Edie: dun think we share a sense of humour Nancy: I can't say that 💔's me Edie: aw ain't it nice to find something that don't get you 😥 Edie: love that 4 u Nancy: Okay Edie: it's been real Edie: laters Nancy: I hope not Edie: dry Nancy: Honestly you'd be better off speaking Irish to me Edie: dryshite then Edie: 🍀 enough for ye Edie: like u local Nancy: At least now I don't have to pretend I know what you're talking about Nancy: Thanks Edie: just claim ur dyslexia like ur tryna cash ur giro Nancy: Yeah Edie: wonder if u can park disabled Nancy: I can't drive so I can't tell you Nancy: If you wanna try and claim it though, they'd likely believe you Edie: hahahaha u calling me disabled now for the punch of it Edie: victim complex strikes again n the bullied becomes the bully Edie: u easiest to wind up ever imma do this more Nancy: I'm calling you an idiot Nancy: And I'm blocking you so good luck Edie: aw dont do urself like that Edie: nother thing for u to feel sorry bout when i die n i was tryna reach out for help Nancy: Like you said, if anyone dies we hear about it Edie: too little too late mckenna Nancy: For you yeah Nancy: I'm not the Samaritans babe I can barely send a coherent text Edie: yh i heard Edie: her cousin goes to my school tried coming at me fore i left like i care bout u being a tick Nancy: Okay Nancy: I don't wanna talk about her with you so bye Edie: ooooooooooo Edie: touched a nerve Nancy: Obviously Edie: bah why Edie: thought u dont want em to stay Edie: such a bad bitch Nancy: Shut up Edie: hahahahaha Nancy: Seriously Edie: get a grip mckenna Edie: she ain't even a ride Nancy: I'm not doing this Edie: you're a joke man Edie: u don't care bout none of ur family enough to shut me up but i wanna chat on this shtate Edie: and suddenly u got a dick Edie: lmao Nancy: That isn't news either, keep up like Nancy: I can't shut up about them 'cause you've got a point Nancy: It doesn't mean I don't care Edie: 'course not Edie: put it away Edie: she got a real gf now Nancy: I know Nancy: She's had several actually Nancy: You're out of the loop Edie: what a slag Edie: have to be to let u when u ain't bringing nothing to the table by ur own admission Nancy: Thanks Nancy: Homophobia belongs in the 70s but this doesn't, the world according to Edie Mckenna, okay Edie: oh shut up germaine greer Edie: i ain't tryna get in ur pants u don't need to impress me with ur regurgitated feminism 101 from ro n my mother of all people Nancy: You're the one who's still talking and staying in my inbox past your welcome, like Edie: cos i can handle it Edie: u the one getting heated baby Nancy: Well done, you Edie: aw thank u Nancy: Good thing you don't need to impress me either Edie: by pretending it don't make u a bad person to drop your knickers quicker than u can pull up the last? Edie: original Edie: get ur own personality Nancy: We've established I do Nancy: And gone into all its flaws Nancy: Again, keep up Edie: lmao u think thats urs Edie: okay when uve stapled together pieces of every bitch u want to love u Nancy: If you say so Nancy: It must be true Edie: duh Edie: see it as a chance to be better Edie: u ain't loving this Edie: n no one else is Nancy: Yeah 'cause I really wanna improve myself based on your standards Edie: who said anything bout me Edie: ill never fuck w u mckenna Edie: u still gonna be dry whatever u do Nancy: You're the only one telling me to be better Nancy: So you are Edie: well ur rents gave up on that dream didn't dey Edie: pin all dat on ur bro Nancy: Yeah they did Nancy: Tell me something I don't know or shut up Edie: poor poor baby Edie: hit up sugar town, ur namesake was on to something w that one Edie: drew good for some lsd always Nancy: That'll really help, thanks so much, babe Edie: howd u kno Edie: pussy Edie: aint even fuckin right Nancy: I know that I've got a fucked up enough brain already Nancy: Not gonna disable myself more Edie: yh well they use it to treat depression so try it Edie: stop u whining so much Nancy: There's plenty of other ways if I was so inclined Nancy: So thoughtful though Edie: obvs Edie: u love it Edie: when u got nothing else babe Nancy: Whatever you say Edie: 😥 Nancy: I've gotta go cry now, obviously Nancy: So Edie: damn u cant multitask Edie: really out here strugglin' Edie: ttfn babe Nancy: Not the way I do it Nancy: I have to go all in, of course Nancy: So much sadness Edie: nah u about the most half-arsed of all of 'em i reckon Edie: really do better Edie: i believe in u Nancy: No you don't Edie: sure i do Edie: know dat dnt sit right w ur whole victim schtik but Edie: unlucky Nancy: It doesn't sit right with anything about you more like Nancy: But okay Edie: lmao yh Edie: u 1 of a kind Edie: so special so misunderstood Nancy: By you yeah Nancy: But that's fine by me Edie: bitch we know Edie: live 4 it Edie: get it Edie: anything to feel like u better than the rest Nancy: You're ridiculous Nancy: When's the last time you even spoke to me before this? You don't know anything Edie: whens the last time u spoke Edie: dont mean u an enigma Edie: no one as thick as u tryna paint me especially not me Nancy: It means I'm shy, bitch Nancy: That's all it means Edie: yea yea Nancy: Yeah well Edie: u should talk more Edie: fun Nancy: For you but Nancy: I don't like you so unlikely to happen Edie: 💔 Edie: who does Edie: even u aint that fucked up n lookin for the sympathy Nancy: Most of this family, more fool them Nancy: Something else I can't do anything about Edie: Tragic Nancy: Yeah Edie: that's what happens when u don't get out the clothes hanger, like Edie: hey ho, 'nother bastard for the pile Nancy: 💔 Edie: yeah gonna find it well jokes when its one u actually care abt Nancy: Sure Nancy: By your reckoning I live for the misery so I'll be thriving anyway Edie: only yr own Edie: gonna get in yr way Edie: can't really verbally smackdown a kid when you've had a few Edie: 'less you wanna be that, currently without a drunk in the fam so Nancy: Also according to you I won't be here Nancy: So feel free to take that role on Edie: i ain't a virgin Edie: drinking ain't even good craic Edie: keep up, mckenna Nancy: I don't care if it brings you joy or not Edie: 😂 Edie: ooh Edie: savage Nancy: I've already told you I don't like you Nancy: Keep up yourself Edie: i told u ion care Edie: why Edie: u reckon i shuld Nancy: No Nancy: I'd rather you didn't Edie: good Edie: how u got it baby Nancy: Yay for me, like Edie: 😂 Edie: christ Edie: crackin a smile rlly wud break u yh Nancy: For you, yeah Edie: just bitches who ain't into u Edie: rejection rlly hittin that spot i c Nancy: No, just you Nancy: You're enough of a bitch Edie: ray of sunshine Edie: everyone always be saying it Edie: honestly u lost ur point a while ago Nancy: That's what I do babe Nancy: Dyslexia 101 Edie: so sad Edie: enough brain training for today then sugar, peace Nancy: At least my lack of short term memory means I can forget this convo Nancy: Bye