#doing something as hard and emotionally physically and mentally taxing as long distance running just....brings people together

[queens-collection]

Protect yourself from those who live to see you FAIL !! *****

Jealousy stems from laziness and a lack of motivation to change your circumstance AND I’m seeing it manifest itself more and more and more in this digital age. There are people out there who see what you have or what you’ve accomplished and instead of working towards earning that thing or learning that skill, they’d rather work towards tearing you down or annoying you to the point where you retaliate and lose everything you’ve worked so hard for.  These people relish in the sadness, misfortune and discomfort of people who THEY feel are too confident, nurtured, happy, emotionally stable, etc.

I was recently put in a situation where I simply didn’t have the tools to resolve anything without blowing up and starting a fight. I’ve experienced jealousy before, I’m sure we all have but it typically comes from people we know who are around our own age so it’s not that hard to combat but I feel the game has changed. Now it can come from folks twice or three times your age who you may know nothing about and have never met before. Plus, the intensity is so severe now! Total strangers will try and come for your entire life if you let them so here are a few things I’ve jotted down that have helped me and should help you too: 

1) Don’t blow up!

Keep your cool and try not to tell too many people. I know you want to read this person for filth and tell them all about themselves but this person wants nothing more than to see you upset and wants to hear from others how much they’ve hurt you so don’t give them the satisfaction.

2) Protect your boundaries!

Jealous people need to be close to the person who is the object of their obsession so they watch them up close. Protect your boundaries. Do not divulge too much information. Don’t ever let jealous people find out what your goals and plans are, don’t let them find out what your weaknesses are either. Jealous people like to know as much personal information about you as possible so they can use it as a source of motivation to compete against you. They may use your information for malicious purposes to try to mock and de-motivate you to give up on your goals. They will use your plans to copy and try to outdo you - this gives jealous people the greatest satisfaction and purpose in life. In other words, the nature of a chronically jealous person is misplaced competitiveness. Their biggest desire is to put you to shame so it’s wise to keep your plans to yourself and deny jealous people the stimulus they desire to embarrass or “one up” you.

3) Don’t throw it in their face!

Never try to prove to them that you are who you are: successful, creative, popular, whatever it is that’s causing them to act out like this. Egging them on  will only encourage them to get more jealous of you and compete harder. Retaliating in a passive way by showing off your things or taunting this person can actually be quite dangerous. People are really unstable outchea and they will stop at nothing to prove just how wrong you are and how they’re so much better than you... while they copy everything you say and do. The key is to maintain a low profile and keep it pushin’ which leads to my next point...

4) Distance, distance, distance!

Do not allow them to disrespect you ever again. Distance yourself from this fool as much as you can as fast as you can. We are always taught to fight and physically confront people who bother us but that only works up until a certain age but we pay taxes and have things to lose now so what will you do if this person takes it too far and you get arrested?? We are too grown to be fighting out here, friend. Unless they threaten your life or attempt to cause you any bodily harm, run do not walk away from this joker. If they are stalking you online, make sure to unfollow and block them. If they want to call you weak, so what? You can be weak living the life they’re so jealous of. Don’t lose focus! This isn’t about “winning.” This is about protecting yourself so you can continue to be great and leave this person to wallow in whatever is eating them up inside. 

***** This does not apply to life threatening, racially charged situations. This only applies when someone who often looks, sounds and acts just like you can’t stand to see someone else be great and wants to dim your shine. *****

How to Deal with a Jealous Family Member or Close Friend:

1. You can only change yourself.

When dealing with people, always remember that it’s not about changing others, but about changing yourself. You can try to change others, but you may not succeed doing so. The best way to address the situation is to change how you perceive it and how you react to it. By changing that, everything else will subsequently change as well.

2. Draw your boundaries.

Be clear on what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. Then stick with it. You have your own personal space and it’s your prerogative to protect your space. By drawing the boundaries, even if just mentally, you are clearer of the kind of behaviors to expect from others. If you don’t do so, it’s easy for you to be pushed over by others, especially since such people tend not to be conscious of personal boundaries. You’ll wind up shrinking in a corner and feeling miserable, and you wouldn’t want that.

3. Be upfront about where you stand.

If the person has a history of spilling into your personal space, then let him/her know where you stand the next time you communicate. People aren’t mind readers, and sometimes they may not be aware that they are infringing on your space. Giving the person some indicators will help. If he/she tends to take up a lot of your time, then let him/her know that you have XX minutes at the onstart of the conversation. That way, you are being fair by informing him/her in advance. If you prefer to communicate via email/text/chat/other channels, then let him/her know too.

4. Be firm when needed.

If the person does not stick within the boundaries, then enforce them. Give a gentle reminder at first. If he/she still does not get the hint, then make a call and draw the line right there. I used to be very relenting in my communications. I would attend the person for however long it took. In the end it encroached on my personal space, and I wasn’t sure if all that time and energy I spent ever did anything too. As I gradually pushed back and became firm on my boundaries, I was a lot more fulfilled. I realized if I wasn’t meeting my needs, I couldn’t be helping anyone with theirs.

5. Ignore them.

Ignoring is effective in the right moments. When you respond, you give them a reason to continue their behavior. If you just ignore, they don’t have a choice but to seek out someone else. Not only that, it also hints to them about their behavior and helps them do some self-reflection.

6. Don’t take it personally.

Most of the time, these people behave the same way around others too. I had a friend who was very negative. She always had something to criticize whenever we were together. At first I thought she had something against me, but after I observed her interacting with our common friends, I realized she was like that with everyone else too. Realizing it wasn’t anything personal helped me deal with her objectively.

7. Observe how others handle them.

Watching others deal with the same person you find annoying can be an eye-opening perspective. Even if the person may be at his/her wits-end handling the individual, just observing from a third party’s point of view can give you insights on how to manage. The next time you are with this person, get someone else into the conversation too. Take a back seat by broaching a topic that’s relevant between the two of them, then play the silent role in the situation. Observe how the other party handles him/her. Try this exercise with different people – from savvy networkers, someone you find difficult to deal with as well, someone similar to you, etc. You will get interesting results.

8. Show kindness.

Often times, they act the way they do because they are looking for an empathetic ear. Hear what they have to say, and be empathetic towards them. Give them some friendly act of kindness. Don’t impose on them, but just be there and empathize. It might well do the trick.

There was once when I had a long talk with a client on an issue she was facing. Later in the week, I sent her an sms telling her that ultimately it boiled down to her, and as long as she believed in herself, there was nothing insurmountable. Many weeks after that, we were catching up, and she told me how the message was really encouraging for her. She normally deleted all her smses but left that one in her phone. A little kind act from you may take little effort on your part but mean the world to others.

9. Help them.

Beneath the facade is really a cry for help. Check with them if they need any help, or if there is anything you can do to help them. Sometimes, it’s possible they require help but they don’t know how to articulate it. Help them to uncover their problem, then work with them to analyze the issue and discover the solution. It’s important to still let them take charge in the situation, because the end outcome is you want them to learn to take control of the situation, and not grow dependent on you for help.

This only applies if you’ve decided to maintain a relationship with this person.

And for those who find themselves on the other end of the spectrum...

Channel your energy in a positive way that will actually benefit you! 

I love this quote:

“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” 

~Joan Borysenko

Choose growth and peace instead of buffoonery that won’t get you very far.

[bound-by-reality]

I think we need to talk about something:

This ended up being longer than I intended, once I started I couldn't stop, I'm sorry. TLDR: check in on all of your essential worker friends. We're not okay.

Non Essential, Essential Workers. I'm talking retail stores (not grocery stores), coffee shops, etc. and I know this varies state to state depending on what stay at home orders you have, but;

If you're working in a place like this it is a rollercoaster of emotions and you feel all of them at the same time. When I mention "actual" essential workers, I mean grocery store, gas stations, anyone who's job is required to keep society and communities running. This post is about everyone else labeled "Essential" because their jobs found a way to stay open just because they could.

1. We are told we need to be grateful for having a job (which most of us are thankful for the steady income) but in turn means we can't be upset for risking our lives?

2. We get the social outlet of coworkers and customers that most don't while isolating which is nice but again... our lives?

3. Most companies like this do not provide proper protection for the employees and ultimately seem like they don't care if we live or die.

For example, my work was a location for census fingerprinting, because of that they mentioned having us order gloves; however, they set the site up wrong so none of us could order. A week or so later they suspended the fingerprinting but we never heard anything else about gloves. Eventually we had to buy our own gloves from other stores. Our company just provided us gloves and masks within the past week - week and a half (today is 04/24). Before that we just followed CDC guidelines for social distancing and cleaning as best we could. They did also provide us plexi shields recently which... doesn't help as we have to scan most large items around it anyway and I'm convinced was just actually a selling tool as we now advertise that businesses can buy the shields through us. They did start supplying us with some cleaning supplies but told us to store use the supplies we needed from our truck inventory before it was put out as it was being bought too quickly for us to get any.

Make sure to remember, how companies handle this is entirely up to each individual company despite the stay at home orders. For example, one direct competing company to ours has entirely closed and is doing curbside only, the other reduced their hours to be open 11-7 and closed on Sundays. Our work? We switched from being open 8-9 and are now open 9-8. They took off our two slowest hours and sent out a mass email discussing what they're doing to keep customers and employees safe and stated "We've reduced our hours" with NO explanation of that reduction specifically to look good. It was infuriating.

Hazard pay is also a companies choice and even the companies that do offer can do you so dirty. A friend if mine works for a company who offered an additional $2 an hour in hazard pay and then taxed it at 40%.

My company is doing curbside pick up as well along with walk-in, but did not provide any extra pay or hour reduction to compensate for the additional work, and that we have to drop what we're doing to run the orders outside. (They also mentioned we'll become personal shoppers with no added pay but that hasn't been rolled out yet so who knows)

Most retail companies like this will provide what they need to because they are forced, to look good, or for their personal gain.

4. We deal with customers coming in to browse because they're bored and have to smile for "customer satisfaction" when what they're really saying is "I don't care enough about your life to stay home. Where are your pens?"

And don't get me started on people complaining about our suspended return policy. I get being out that money SUCKS (as someone who lives paycheck to paycheck, I get what not having that money could mean) but we are not the only store implementing this type of policy and you should take it into consideration before buying anything from anywhere right now.

Not to mention my tolerance for customers is at zero. I've actively noticed I'm not being as friendly, and not in a rude way, but in a, normally I would repeat this 4 times for you while you scream at me but there's a pandemic and I'm worth more than you telling me I'm stupid because you don't understand how online shopping works so I'm hanging up now, way.

5. As someone who already struggles with mental illness, I don't know about other people but working right now is like an alternate reality? When I'm home I feel normal and almost okay but at work surrounded by masks, gloves, and constant reminders of a deadly illness I feel like I'm living in two worlds. Physically being in the building is growing harder too. I'll be in a good mood but the second I step into work everything drops and everything in me tells me to leave. I cannot imagine what it must feel like for front line workers and actual Essential workers. My heart goes out to you.

6. This is being talked about a bit more now I feel like, but, most of us have no choice but to work. Most retail locations do not offer paid sick time, so if you get sick and need to take off work, the new bills that were passed will help, but your work will not. Most retail places make you use personal PTO or sick leave as payment and once it's gone, it's gone. Because of this, I don't DARE take Leave of Abscense to self quarantine in case I do get sick and end up needing all of the income I can get. Our choices usually end up being, go into work where you are not "actually" essential, and risk getting sick or spreading to someone who gets sick, OR stay home, stay safe, and don't have the money needed to survive.

People working retail jobs like this will not qualify for unemployment benefits unless they are furloughed or laid off specifically due to Covid-19. It puts us in limbo. Not to mention that more often than not, people who do qualify for unemployment are making more than us right now. Unemployment is about $600 a week. I bring home about $800 every 2 weeks and that's in a DECENT paying position, most people do not make even that.

7. I'm getting so jealous and short tempered with people complaining about being bored in quarantine. Do not get me wrong, I sympathize and understand, it would be hard if I were there too. You guys do not have social outlets, it's bad for mental health, staying productive and entertained is hard. That being said, do you know how much I would give to be in that position? I want so badly for my biggest problem right now to be that I'm bored. I see all of these creative things you guys are doing right now and wish that I had that time and motivation! I struggle with that on my normal days off but now, forget it. Any day off I have I am emotionally 10x more exhausted than normal. Please, please, please understand the advantage of what you have right now, especially if you're working from home and have the best of both worlds. Anytime someone mentions they wish they were in your shoes do not say "at least you have a job" lightly.

8. I in no way, shape, or form want to take away the gratitude from front line workers, first responders, health care workers, and "actual" essential workers, but please remember to thank us too. Everyone mentioning "Essential workers" highlights those AS THEY SHOULD, but no one really talks about the companies staying open because they found a loop hole and their employees have to work. We are risking our lives too.

Before you mention that stores have to stay open or they will close for good, I understand, and I'm sympathetic to that! A lot of small businesses are struggling right now, please help them any way you can. Reach out to the businesses and see if you can purchase a gift card to come back at a later date! Do whatever you can!

Larger chain/ retail businesses facing the same problem also need to do what they can. That being said, if you cannot provide proper care or compensation to the employees that work for you than you need 👏 to 👏 make 👏 adjustments.

Again, I'm sorry this turned out so long but I've been obsessing about these topics for so long now and I needed to void scream. If you took the time to read this thank you for indulging me, let me know if any of you are experiencing the same thing!

I hope everyone is staying as safe and sane as possible. Please reach out to anyone you can if you need help.

❤💜🧡💙💚🖤