#does arkansas's government fucking suck balls? yes. but it's still my home

[verathena14]

hey yall can we stop with the "homophobic (or otherwise bigoted) southern family" trope and have more "not-quite-knowledgeable-about-[minority group] but well-meaning southern family" representation? kthanks

signed, a queer arkansan who's fucking tired of cishet southerners being always painted as bigoted assholes and us queer southerners being perceived as "trapped" in our homes

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 6

Not sure if anybody has reminded you lately but there is only one OCTOBER!!! And we’re in it. October is breast cancer awareness month and one of only four annual truck months. The first football weekend of October features three top 25 matchups, which isn’t terrible, but two of them are B1G conference games. And they each feature a team from the state of Michigan who probably won’t be in the top 25 come tomorrow.

So now that I have you all pumped up for it, let’s get to the games! As per usual, the schedule is copied and pasted from FBSchedules and gambling info, where it’s provided, is from Vegas Insider. NOW ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!????!???? IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER!!!!

Saturday, October 5

Matchup                                                          Time (ET)               TV/Mobile

TCU at Iowa State                                           12:00pm                   ESPN2

TCU is tough to figure out. So is Iowa State for that matter. But I think Gary Patterson got back on track last week and the Cyclones -3.5 looks bad to me so... load up the Cyclones, I guess.

14 Iowa at 19 Michigan                                   12:00pm                     FOX

The line is moving towards Iowa but it’s still Michigan -4. I think the sharps are on Iowa here but I don’t trust it. This looks like a horrible game for purposes of watching.

Kent State at 8 Wisconsin                               12:00pm                 ESPNU

Wisconsin’s defense might be great but the Badgers still kept it close against Northwestern last week. That’s a big red flag for me but not so big that I think Kent State +35 is smart money. I hope Chryst runs it up like crazy.

Maryland at Rutgers                                         12:00pm                   BTN

It’s been a long couple of weeks since Maryland’s offense looked good. But I bet Rutgers can get them back in the swing of things. Terps and the over.

6 Oklahoma at Kansas                                      12:00pm                  ABC

The line has moved towards Kansas and I’ve got nothing. I love Les Miles and those plucky Jayhawks but come the fuck on. Oklahoma’s gunning for 80. Also, I love KU football for all the failure so I’m in the bag for either 95-0 Oklahoma or KU pulling one of the more monumental regular season upsets in memory.

21 Oklahoma State at Texas Tech                    12:00pm                   FS1

TIRED: Bet the over. WIRED: Chuba Hubbard hits the over by himself.

Purdue at 12 Penn State                                    12:00pm                 ESPN

Rondale Moore won’t play but he’s not out for the year. Supposedly. He should be, though, right? No reason to chance it with one of the best players in the country on a garbage program like Purdue. Penn State is favored by 28 and, as much as I hate to say this, they’re wildly undervalued even though that’s up 11.5 from where the line opened. This is going to be an all out splatterfest.

Tulane at Army                                                    12:00pm              CBSSN

This game is a metaphor. The environment vs. the troops. The environment is favored.

USF at UConn                                                      12:00pm      CBSSports.com

As godawful as USF has been this year they’re still favored by 11 on the road in a conference game. UConn should consider dropping football.

Utah State at 5 LSU                                             12:00pm              SECN

Jordan Love goes to Death Valley to face a bunch of future first round picks in the LSU secondary. That’s fun for scouting but LSU should destroy USU. 

Boston College at Louisville                               12:30pm              RSN

No idea what to say here.

Eastern Michigan at Central Michigan                3:00pm              ESPN+

We’re about to run through a bunch of MAC games.

Virginia Tech at Miami (FL)                                   3:30pm              ESPN

But before we get to all that MAC first we have to deal with this MAC-level disaster. Miami has pretty much sucked so far this year but maybe they fixed everything in the week off. More likely, Justin Fuente will get off the hotseat for a week after winning on the road against a Miami team dressed up as pumpkins.

Western Michigan at Toledo                                 3:30pm             ESPN+

O/u 74, 1.5-point line. These teams are interchangeable. Not just Toledo and Western Michigan - the entire MAC is a jumble of teams that are exactly the same and Buffalo. Buffalo sucks way differently than the rest of the MAC.

Ohio at Buffalo                                                        3:30pm           ESPN+

Buffalo sucks differently than the rest of the MAC but they still suck.

Marshall at Middle Tennessee                                3:30pm        Facebook

I want to love this game but it looks fucking horrible.

Arkansas State at Georgia State                            3:30pm         ESPN+

ESPN+ is definitely a government conspiracy. Real deep state channels over here. The other Arkansas is favored on the road in a matchup of two middling offenses and two of the worst defenses in the country. I’m tempted to say hit that over of 69.5 with the Red Wolves winning. I don’t know about that line, though.

11 Texas at West Virginia                                         3:30pm           ABC

I am not enjoying Heisman hype for Texas’ QB but I don’t think WFV is the team to bring him back down to earth.

Illinois at Minnesota                                                  3:30pm          BTN

Minnesota may be the worst 4-0 team in the country but if they are you can put money on them being the worst 5-0 team in the country, too. I think Tanner Morgan is pretty good as far as B1G passers go and the “worst...” unbeaten team thing could very easily extend to the worst 8-0 team in the country.

Bowling Green at 9 Notre Dame                              3:30pm          NBC

I very strongly disliked Notre Dame for a long time before they bought their coach’s way out of a murder trial but the line for this game is laugh out loud shit and I’m fully on board with it. Domers by 46 with an o/u of 63 is a thing of beauty even if it glorifies pure evil.

Baylor at Kansas State                                             3:30pm        ESPN2

Kansas State’s mimicry of a good team might be breaking down after getting run over by Chuba Hubbard & Co. last week but a win by Baylor could get the Bears into the top 25. I need the ghost of Taco Bill (yes, I’m aware) to rouse the Wildcats for a stomping of Baylor.

Ball State at NIU                                                        3:30pm         ESPN3

Do whatever you want with this.

7 Auburn at 10 Florida                                              3:30pm          CBS

Fantastic uniform matchup featuring some almost great Florida throwbacks to Steve Spurrier’s Heisman season. I wish the stripes on the shoulders went all the way around. Otherwise they’re perfect.

Air Force at Navy                                                      3:30pm           CBSSN

I haven’t gotten a handle on Air Force this year but this is not a good Navy team. Maybe the Paul Johnson offense has finally run its course in Annapolis? Usually you can count on a senior QB to make the option hum for the Middies but they aren’t looking like anything special through three games in 2019. Here’s hoping they can find their rhythm as home dogs.

Memphis at ULM                                                       3:45pm            ESPNU

Kenny Gainwell came very close to making the RTARLsman list this week but he needs some bigger highlights to get back on there. ULM running back Josh Johnson’s production has gotten worse every week this year. Memphis is a pretty big road favorite and they should be bowl eligible by the time they dip back into conference games.

Troy at Missouri                                                        4:00pm             SECN

Kelly Bryant has been OK so far as Missouri’s QB. Which is fine, that’s what Kelly Bryant is: an OK QB. But if he can get more confidence in Derek Dooley’s system he could get a real shot at an NFL roster next year. Games like this one are the best way to build confidence.

North Carolina at Georgia Tech                               4:00pm            ACCN

UNC has looked well-coached but talent-deficient so far this year while Georgia Tech has looked untalented and undisciplined. Here in the ACC that means this game is a tossup.

Northwestern at Nebraska                                        4:00pm             FOX

I’d like to think Nebraska can never climb out of their 15 years-long rut but maybe Scott Frost is the real deal. If he is then this game should be a walkover for the Huskers. Look for a close game that hinges on some comically bad execution.

Arizona at Colorado                                                   4:30pm        Pac-12N

Khalil Tate and Laviska Shenault are still cool. That brings a tear to my eye.

WKU at Old Dominion                                               6:00pm         ESPN+

This is the kind of football we live for in these posts. All gambling, no sentimentality, weird uniforms, and a matchup that would look great in the March Madness First Four. But it’s part of the Disney plot to overthrow Ukraine.

3 Georgia at Tennessee                                             7:00pm         ESPN

By what right do I hate Tennessee? And yet, my desire to see them keep falling to deeper and deeper depths is boundless. I don’t particularly like Georgia but I want them to win by 60+. They can do it but are they cool enough to do it? I doubt it. Look at their coach’s haircut. He must use a woodchipper like a Flowbee to get that look. Maybe he found a barber in the countryside of 12th century France.

Rice at UAB                                                                 7:00pm        ESPN+

UAB is dead to me. Favored by only 10 at home against Rice? That’s disgusting.

UMass at FIU                                                               7:00pm         ESPN3

Butch Davis is having quite the struggle trying to put FIU together as a program. Things are in a very bad place for FL Int’l (pronounced “Flinn-tull”) even though the school is in a very nice place.

25 Michigan State at 4 Ohio State                             7:30pm           ABC

I know Mark D’Antonio has gotten some crazy results in his time as Michigan State’s head coach but this looks bleak. Brian Lewerke truly sucks and Chase Young is getting Myles Garrett comparisons. 20-points is a huge number for a game like this but I’ll be pretty surprised if the Buckeyes of An Ohio State University don’t beat the spread.

Tulsa at 24 SMU                                                         7:30pm          ESPNU

SMU with that little number next to it is a sight to behold. So last week I guessed that it had been since 1986 that the Mustangs were ranked and that was correct. How smart I must be. I’m really curious how they deal with that success. It seems silly but that ranking is a really big deal for the Ponyfuckers. Here’s hoping they sprint right past 13-points and pull away from Tulsa for a decisive win.

Vanderbilt at Mississippi                                           7:30pm           SECN

AJ Brown and DK Metcalf already look like stars in the NFL. Remember the offense they were in last year that struggled getting them the ball and had them run a combined four total routes? Haha. Fuck both of these teams, though. Nobody cares what happens here.

UTSA at UTEP                                                             8:00pm          ESPN+

El Paso versus San Antonio, aka “The Bigger Even Boringer El Paso.” Everything is bigger in Texas. Even Texas.

Liberty at New Mexico State                                      8:00pm        FloSports

Put some prop money on Antonio Gandy-Golden and ignore everything else in this game. Maybe even ignore Gandy-Golden.

Pitt at Duke                                                                   8:00pm         ACCN

Goddamn does this game suck. Go Panthers.

California at 13 Oregon                                               8:00pm         FOX

The Berkeley Bears don’t have much of an offense but their defense is good enough to keep things within 20 here. I’d put money on Justin Herbert throwing his first pick of the year, Cal to cover, and Oregon to win.

Oregon State at UCLA                                                9:00pm        Pac-12N

Chip Kelly’s revival as a football genius lasted exactly one half. Here the Bruins and Beavers matchup in the Rose Bowl to sully the reputation of that great stadium.

San Diego State at Colorado State                           10:00pm       ESPN2

MWC, baby! Fun stuff for me even if CSU is a trash heap. SDSU is no great shakes this year but at least the setting and the uniforms clash are cool.

16 Boise State at UNLV                                              10:30pm        CBSSN

Boise by 100. Book it.

15 Washington at Stanford                                        10:30pm         ESPN

Stanford was one of the biggest disappointments of the season’s first month. This is the perfect spot for David Shaw and his team of sleepmakers to bore Washington to death and, at least, keep it closer than 15.