#do u guys know how hard it is to even cOMPREHEND how gross this is

[i-like-writing-stuff]

four months; part 2 [five hargreeves x reader]

a/n: thank you all so so much for your support and feedback! i literally could not believe that the first part has over 200 notes and yall want a continuation like omagash??? im soft, thank you guys <3

here is the long awaited part two, but before we dive into that, i felt the need to ask yall if you want five to be aged up?? in most x reader i’ve read on this site, five is aged up, but I felt like, in my case, i didn’t really needed to mention that because i am only like two months older than the actor, and its not like im gonna write smut with him- gross. point is, idk. should i age him up tho??? idk what to do, so here are both aidan and timothee to soothe ur heart for this second part!! <3

(the gifs do not belong to me, lemme know if u know who made them so i can give credits- they’re real cute mah gawsh!!!)

alsoo if you want more five imagines or literally any other hargreeves sibling or fictional character ousside tua, feel free to leave a request in my inbox! kisses <3

summary: after a long family meeting and more booze, you decide to make a bold move and profess your buried feelings.

part 1

“Men are stupid shitheads.” You concluded, setting your flask on the counter, looking at the new bangs Allison had just cut for you.

Even in her drunken state, they seemed to be very nicely done. You were quite surprised by the way they turned out, but pleased nonetheless. It was a spontaneous decision, getting bangs. You had been sitting in the hair salon she was working at with her, Klaus and Vanya after a not so great family meeting.

Hugs were shared, true, but then arguments started and before you even knew it, Luther stormed out, Diego followed him, Five went missing for whatever business he had, and Klaus claimed that Ben was not even there- apparently, ghosts can’t time travel.

So, it was just the four of you, drunk in a hair salon, with too much alcohol and way too many scissors around you, complaining about how shitty your love lives could be.

“Amen.” Klaus raised his drink in the air, “I’ll drink to that.”

“Right?” Allison nodded, combing her second client, Klaus, “The nerve of Ray! I mean, one thing goes wrong and he’s on a warpath!” She vented, holding the bottle of liquor in her free hand, “I mean, doesn’t know who I am?! No, no! No, Ray- you know exactly who I am, you just can’t handle it!”

You watched with a raised brow as Vanya was out of zone, pretending to be shooting the long line of empty bottles gathered in front of her, as Allison kept on continuing her rant. Her husband had just seen her use her powers on the night they started the protest, and was now having a real hard time comprehending what was going on. You didn’t see him at home either, so you figured he may have been upset with you as well for maybe hiding the secret. Or maybe he thought you were like her, who knows?

“Hey, wouldn’t it be weird if Five grew up all hot?” Klaus suddenly asked, taking a drag out of his cigarette, as he got up from his seat to walk around the hair salon, “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Why would you even think of your brother like that?” You asked riddled, narrowing your eyes at the man as his sisters almost gagged at the thought.

“Oh, please, you’ve been thinking that, haven’t you?” Klaus asked, pointing at you as you took another swig from your nearly empty flask.

“I... I mean- he’s... Five... uh... no comment!” You suddenly declared, at loss of words, as you got up from your seat, trying to maintain your balance as you made your way towards the bottle of liquor to fill your flask again.

“When are you two gonna confess your feelings?” Allison asked with a groan, letting her head fall backwards as she sat on the chair, “It’s getting really tiring!”

“We have an apocalypse going on!” You argued, “There’s no time for feelings!”

“This is the perfect time for feelings!” Klaus chimed in, taking another drag out of his cigarette, “These might be your last six days on Earth! Do you want to die regretting that you never told Five how you felt about him?”

“I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You declared, out of arguments, as you poured liquor in your flask, “Why don’t we talk about Allison’s crush on Luther instead?”

“We have never even kissed!” Allison defended herself, causing Vanya to spin on her chair confused, looking between the three of you.

“Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts and... all that.” Klaus waved her off, sipping from his own flask.

“Aren’t we all brothers and sisters, or...?” Vanya wondered confused, as you and Klaus snorted amused at her innocence.

“Well... technically...” Allison tried to find an excuse or explanation, but she was having a hard time putting her thoughts in place.

“Technically?” Klaus raised a brow, “If you....” He stammered, trying to regain his train of thought, “If you have to use the word technically, you’re already in trouble.”

“Okay, can we go back to Five and Y/N?” Allison tried to change the subject, “Or maybe at least help me save my marriage?”

“That’s like...” Klaus stumbled on his own feet, filling his flask again, as you leaned against Vanya’s chair curiously, “That’s like asking a nun how to hump someone’s leg! I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?” He asked, pointing at Vanya, “In secret love with some farm Frau!”

“Her name’s Sissy.” Vanya informed him.

“Which is an improvement on her previous love interest.” He said, looking at you and Allison, as you shook your heads to slightly tell him to shut up, “...the serial killer.”

“What?!” Vanya yelled, looking between you and Allison for an explanation, but you just softly waved her off, promising to remind her later.

“And look at this one!” Klaus ignored the three of you, pointing at... well, you, “A fifty year old assassin, who got the chance to be a teen again, but she is too afraid to admit her feelings for the... wait, is Five a boy or a man?”

“Both?” You raised a brow, unsure of the answer.

“Meanwhile, I’m carrying a torch for a soldier I haven’t technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.” Klaus waved you off, trying to keep his balance again on his feet.

“Okay, again- we are not biological!” Allison tried to defend herself once more, but Klaus simply ignored her.

“Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.” He said, making all of you nod in agreement, as you couldn’t help but confess, taking another chug out of your flask;

“I can’t believe I got to the point where I was jealous of Dolores.”

Okay, maybe ‘banging’ and ‘jealous’ were strong words, but you had to admit you were not that pleased when one of the first things that Five did when he got back to 2019, was go to some store to get back his plastic girlfriend who kept him company in the four decades he spent all by himself in the apocalypse.

You understood his mind, though. You would have gone insane as well if you had to be all alone after the end of the world, without another soul on the planet. Nonetheless, you still were maybe a tad too happy when he decided to return her to the store.

Leaving you the only woman he had eyes for, unbeknownst to you.

“I’m gonna tell Sissy that I love her.” Vanya suddenly declared, straightening her position confidently.

“You go, girl!” You cheered, clapping for your friend.

“I don’t want any secrets.” She said, making you and the other two nod in agreement, contemplating about your own lives.

“Yeah!” Allison said, getting up with the bottle of alcohol tightly clutched in her hand, “Yeah, yeah- you’re right! Yes, ‘cause, you know- if this all goes tits-up, the least I can do is be honest with my husband!

“Oh, does that mean I have to face my cult?” Klaus sighed, “I just hate group break-ups, it’s why I stopped dating twins!”

You pondered about it for a moment, in your state that was definitely not the most sober. You had a lot of alcohol coursing through your veins, but you felt like maybe it was better. You could think with your heart more than you could think with your brain, and your heart was telling you that your friends were right.

They all are getting themselves ready to take big risks in their lives, why shouldn’t you? They had a valid point; the world was gonna end in six days if you guys couldn’t find a way to solve this. Last time you didn’t have the brightest plan, so why should this time be a success? Reality hit you; there was a real big chance that you might die.

So why not just be honest with Five? What was the worst that could happen? You manage to save the world and Five rejects you? Big deal!

Well, it actually was a big deal.

“What if he rejects me?” You asked all of a sudden, causing the three siblings to turn to you, “What if I tell Five how I feel about him and he rejects me? I know maybe at my age I shouldn’t be this anxious about a man, but... it’s not like I’m going anywhere, I’m glued to the Hargreeves clan.”

And it was true. After the events of the 2019 apocalypse, right before you and the others got separated, you shared an adorable moment in which you confessed to each other how happy you were to have met and be taken into their family as one of their own.

“Normally, I’d say to not ponder on that for too... long.” Klaus slurred, “But given that it’s Five, you don’t even have to worry about that.”

“He’s right.” Allison shrugged, “That won’t be a problem.

“I have no memory of any of you, but from the hug I’ve seen you two share earlier- you’re not just friends.” Vanya spoke up, making you stare into nothingness for a moment.

I mean, it’s Five we are talking about. If he were to have any feelings, it’s not like he’d be honest with them or act, right? It would be up to you to make the first move.

You let out a long sigh, rubbing your hands on your upper arms, reminding yourself of the hug. It may have been the first time you and Five actually hugged, in all the years you’ve known each other. The way he held you close and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, taking in your scent, feeling you in his arms, even if for him it had been only four days. You had to live with the thought that he may be dead for months.

And you hated that, you knew you wanted him alongside you. You wanted that little rude, at times obnoxious dipshit, with a soft heart- as much as he hated to admit it. You loved how much he cared about his family, about saving the world. Five is a great person; he is caring and has a big heart, as much as he tried to hide it behind his trashmouth.

“Fine!” You groaned, letting your head fall backwards, “I’ll tell Five I fucking love him and his dipshit face!”

“Yes!” Klaus clapped, as Allison and Vanya cheered proudly, “Come here!”

You and Vanya walked towards him, as Allison wrapped an arm around his waist, waiting for the two of you to skip towards them, pulling you into a group hug, as “Twistin’ the night away” by Sam Cooke blasted on the radio, causing the four of you to start a small dance party, letting for the first time in a long while your problems just go away.

For the sake of the song.

After a couple more hours of drinking, gossiping and dancing, the four of you decided to finally part ways and attend your promised business. Klaus went to deal with his cult, as Allison decided to be completely honest with her husband at home and Vanya was going to confess to Sissy.

As for you?

You were going to tell Five Hargreeves you were in love with him.

“Hey, dipshit!” You confidently yelled, running up the stairs of the store, trying to find Five.

“Y/N?” Five frowned, walking out of the kitchen with a coffee mug in his hands and a confused look on his face, “Are you... even more drunk? And did you get bangs- what the...?”

“Shut up.” You waved him off, walking towards him to grab the mug out of his hand to sober yourself up, “Why in the hell are you even drinking coffee at this hour?”

“I’m... trying to calm myself...” He frowned, watching as you chugged his freshly poured coffee.

“Normally I’d ask.” You said, setting the mug on the counter, shaking your head, “But right now what I have to say is more important.”

“Is that so?” Five raised a brow curiously, as you slowly slapped your cheeks, trying to get the room to stop moving, “Why don’t you go to bed?” He asked, gently pushing you towards the couch, “And we talk in the morning? I don’t really have time for this.”

“No!” You yelled, stopping in your tracks to poke his chest, “We don’t have to talk! I talk and you- you listen!” You said, poking his chest again, “You never have time for anything, all you can think of is your stupid apocalypse!”

“Oh yes, isn’t that a trivial thing to be thinking of?” He asked with a sarcastic smile, crossing his arms.

“I don’t need your sarcasm!” You yelled, poking his chest a third time, feeling him get more tense.

“I swear to God, Y/N, if you do that one more time-...” Five took in a deep breath, as he could feel as he was slowly losing his patience.

“Shut up!” You groaned, watching as his brows knitted in confusion, “I’m trying to confess my feelings for you, you moron!”

“W...What?” He asked, as his face suddenly softened, unfolding his arms.

“I’m in love with you!” You sighed, rubbing your face, “Okay? I-I am in love with you and I am trying to sober myself up, but I think I may have had too much to drink.”

“You think?” Five scoffed, slowly leading you towards the couch, “Are you sure you’re not saying this just because you have a ton of alcohol coursing through you?”

“Well... kinda, ‘cause if I were sober there was no way in hell I would have confessed.” You puffed, complying, as you let yourself guided by him, “Allison, Klaus and Vanya all convinced me that I should tell you, that we only have six days left on Earth and in case we don’t save it... I shouldn’t be going down with regrets.”

Five listened to your every word carefully, as you continuing venting about how his siblings spent the whole day trying to convince you to tell him about your feelings, as he slowly held your hands, as you took a seat on the couch. He nodded at your words to let you know that he was listening, as he took two pillows off the armchairs beside, placing them at one end, softly pushing you down.

“...and then Klaus said that he hates group breakups.” You said, not even noticing what was going on, feeling your lids get heavier once your head met the pillow.

“Not a surprise there...” Five muttered, grabbing the blanket that was rested on top of the couch, placing it over you.

“Are you trying to dismiss me?” You wondered, but still making yourself more comfortable, as you sat on your side, with your head facing Five, who knelt in front of you tired.

He bit back a smile, watching as you slowly closed your eyes. He knew you were extremely drunk, he could see that in the way exhaust took over you. Not only you had a lot of alcohol in your system, but you’ve also had some long couple of days, and some longer ones were ahead of you until you knew for a fact the world was safe once more.

“I don’t know how it is, that you’re the one person who actually makes me feel... soft.” He confessed, watching your lips curve into a smile at his words, “You... drunken idiot.”

“I regret nothing.” You said proudly, as Five couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, softly stroking your hair to help you fall asleep sooner.

“We’ll see about that in the morning.” He smirked amused, watching as you pouted.

“You never gave me an answer, you know.” You pointed out, letting his soft touch calm you down, as you felt sleep slowly take over you.

“You never gave me a question.” He retorted, knowing for sure that if your eyes were opened, you would roll them at him.

“I think you like to hear me say that I am in love with you, it’s the third time I have to say it.” You said, slowly placing your hands under your pillow, making yourself more comfortable.

“I am happy to see that you still know how to count.” Five said, placing some wild strands of hair behind your ear.

“Screw you.” You said, making him grin, as he went back to stroking your hair.

“In this whole... shitty situation I managed to get myself into, you, Y/N, might as well be the only thing keeping me sane... surprisingly.” Five frowned at the last bit, watching as you opened your eyes, shifting your head to watch him, “I love you too, moron.”

“I never said I love you.” You smirked, teasing him as he rolled his eyes.

“You little chipmunk...” Five sighed, shaking his head in disbelief amused, as you leaned into his touch more, closing your eyes, pleased with yourself.

“Yeah, but you still love me.” You said, not once dropping that smirk on your lips.

“You’re impossible, did you know that?” He wondered, resting his forearm on the couch beside you, as he knelt on the floor, trying to make himself more comfortable, noticing the way you were enjoying the scalp massage... for free.

“A little bit.” You slowly shrugged, wrapping your arms around his, once you felt it beside you.

Five watched with a soft smile as you pulled his arms closer to your face, nuzzling into it with a satisfied smile, happy that you listened to your friends.

And deep down, so was Five thanking his siblings.

[nejiraez]

best friend’s brother | bakugou katsuki

BFB! BFB! BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER IS THE ONE FOR ME >:( since bakugou is an only child, i gave him a younger sister 

THANK U TO @ranciddip​ FOR GIVIN ME THAT XTRA PUSH TO WRITE THIS AND HERE’S TO: @aydudenoway​ @charvaughn-writes​ @extradelusionalbitch​

Dating or crushing on your best friend’s brother was a topic that was deemed unapproachable within many friend groups. It was a no-no, it sparked controversy. Overall it was awkward and plain weird...  

But that shit does not fucking apply when that brother is Bakugou Katsuki.

Now in his second year and you in your first, Bakugou was beginning to grow into a mature young man.

You liked him, a whole lot to be exact. Not only was his determination and drive of becoming a hero admirable, but the way he carried himself was attractive as hell. 

Whether it be how his sharp jawline moved whenever he barked insults at his classmates or the way his scarlet eyes would cloud over after being threatened. Every single thing about him was attractive to you. 

Despite all of this, Bakugou was the elder brother of your best friend, Keiko. Someone who you have recently grown closer to. And the thought of you jeopardizing your relationship with her was too much to bear.

After many visits to the Bakugou residence, you left a favourable impression on the blond-haired teen. You began to think that he was starting to catch feelings for you as well. 

Especially with how he remembered your name after your third visit and the prolonged stares he’d give you. Or how he always was out of his room when you came over and the way he’d discreetly flirt with you in empty living rooms and kitchens. 

It was painfully clear that you two liked each other. And as much as you wanted to do something about it, the thought of disappointing Keiko held you back. 

But Bakugou was so... cute! But then Keiko would probably never want to see your face again.  Still, there was Bakugou-

This back and forth you'd constantly have with yourself would lead you to remember a key conversation you had with her.

“The thought of one of my friends thinking that my brother is ‘hot’ brings bile up to my throat. Like, I could never...” You remember Keiko telling you one day on your walk home from the mall. 

“That’s why I’m glad I have you,” she smiled, her sharp eyes similar to Katsuki’s gave you a look of approval. “We both think Katsuki is too much of a demon to have a crush on.”

“Haha, yeah... thank God...”

Since that day you promised yourself that you would no longer entertain Bakugou’s advances towards you anymore and that you wouldn’t swoon just at the sight of him. No more flirting and fleeting glances. Nothing.

For Keiko’s sake.

The delicate sensation of something trailing up shin made you noticeably shiver in your seat at the dinner table. For the fifth time that month, you made another appearance at Bakugou’s house.

“(Y/N)-san, are you alright?” 

You were fine. However, Katsuki playing footsies with you under the table was making it hard for you to stay level-headed. “Yeah, I, yeah,” you stammer, smoothly directing his foot away from your leg. However, being the stubborn person he is, he slipped it back. “Just cold is all!”

Keiko eyes you and then glances across the table at her brother who was acting unusually quiet. “I’ll bring you a sweater, okay?”

You nod and watch as she gets up from her seat at the table and exits the dining room.

For a few moments, there was a long pause of silence that hanged in the air between you and Katsuki. 

Once he was sure that his sister was out of earshot range, his vermillion eyes snapped to you. And his familiar alluring smile tugged at the corner his lips. “When are you going to tell her?” He asked.

“I can’t,” you shake your head and begin to subconsciously play with your fingers. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Bakugou quirked a clean brow at your apprehensive disapproval. He left his seat in turn for the chair beside you and sat down. “I promise you she won't care (Y/N).”

You stay quiet and allow Bakugou’s words to sink in and comfort you.

“Besides, I’m tired of hiding how I feel for you,” he places his arm behind your chair and drags your seat closer to him. Bakugou glances at the entrance to the dining room, and seeing that it was still empty he says a quick, “We’ve got time.”

He fixes his eyes on your face and leans down to kiss you. He wanted to distract you from all your worries and just relax. Maybe being with Keiko’s brother wasn’t that bad, you thought as you felt his tongue dart out at your bottom lip. 

“(Y/N)! I’ve got you the- Oh God, come on guys. Really?”

You jump at the intrusion of his sister’s voice, though Bakugou was unfazed. If anything he was more peeved. He breathed out an exasperated growl of annoyance and removed his arm from your shoulder.

“Keiko! I know this isn’t the best of positions to be in, and I’m really sorry but-”

“No, no, I don’t care about that,” she replies, causing Bakugou to grumble out a ‘told you’ under his breath. “It’s just seeing my brother getting it, is actually gross. Do that somewhere else!”

You pause and furrow your eyebrows in confusion. Keiko pushes her chair back and takes a seat. The fact that she was nonchalant about everything was what got you really questioning. This was all too much for you to comprehend. 

“You don’t... care? Like at all? Not even a little?”

“Well, you’re a good person. So I don’t mind that it’s you he’s interested in!” She said, shrugging her shoulders and slides the sweater over to you. “But I should be the one worrying about you! Are you sure that you’d want to be with him of all people?”

You break out into a genuine smile, the one Katsuki fell in love with and the one that Keiko strives to see. “Keiko you’re such a great friend!” You say, wrapping your arms around her shoulders. “But if this,” you move back and gesture your hands between you and Katsuki. “Ever bothers you, let me know and we’ll do something about it.”

Bakugou roughly tugs your hand down and pulls you into his chest. “No the fuck ‘we’ won’t!”

[crowned-ladybug]

(Same anon here) I'm really happy u liked my idea :D I love finding people with the same/similar ideas I have :> also I love your writing and I like the scenario you mentioned about Joseph and Caesar, that could lead to some angst and fluff :0

Hi I am So Sorry that this is so late, I’m not even gonna list the reasons why, I’m just. so sorry.

It’s so nice finding other ppl who enjoy the same hcs I do and getting to Talk About Them!!!

As for the plot idea - part of me wishes I could make this a proper fic but alas, I already have too much on my plate and no time/energy to write most days. It still ran away with me a bit tho so under the read more it goes!

So this is still back on Air Supplena and Caesar and Joseph are just. hanging out. Caesar is trying to Read but emphasis on Trying actually bc he’s been rereading the same damn line for the past two minutes just not comprehending any of it bc Joseph won’t stop messing with his goddamn clackers and Making Noise and it’s Distracting and Annoying and Caesar is getting real fed up with it

(Maybe if he actually Said something in a civil manner then Joseph would’ve stopped doing that and let him read instead of leaving Caesar to fume without saying Anything just expecting things to change on their own but I digress)

So eventually Caesar groans: “Jesus Christ, why do you have to be so Annoying, just Stay Quiet Already,” and he reaches over and yanks the clackers out of Joseph’s hand. “I’m taking these. There.”

And he’d be ready to just go back to reading with the clackers dropped on his lap and Joseph finally Quiet bc for all Caesar cares he can stalk off to sulk elsewhere as long as he’s Quiet about it

Joseph is not quiet about anything

The clackers, as already established, are his stim toy. His favourite at that. He’s had the dang things for a while now and they’re Perfect and he uses them so often that they’ve become His Thing and since he can use them for fighting also he doesn’t have to feel weird about having them on hand all the time

And he’s grown up with almost every adult besides Erina and Speedwagon, as well as a lot of not-adults, telling him that everything he does bc of his ADHD is weird or wrong or stupid. He’s been yelled at to stay still in school so many times and had his stim/fidget toys taken and told off for stimming (and poor volume control, and memory issues, and infodumping, and so many other things that are just Natural to him) and told to just grow up and stop acting so childish and embarrassing and annoying, that everything he ever does to make himself comfortable and happy is actually gross and immature and should be stopped-

And now Caesar just told him the same thing and it hits differently from all the other times he’s called him annoying, and he took his fuckin clackers too and he’s acting like it’s just Okay to Do and-

Joseph sees red.

Caesar has no time to react before they’re both on the floor and all he can do is try to dodge and block Joseph’s fists as he yells at him to give him his fuckin clackers back. And it’s scary beyond just. fighting someone who’s v strong and knows how to punch (bc ofc so does Caesar), it’s scary bc Joseph is v obviously Genuinely Upset?? This isn’t an impromptu wrestling match on the floor over something dumb and petty that they’ll call truce over in just a bit and go back to teasing each other. No, Caesar has somehow Fucked Up even if he doesn’t realise How nor how to Fix It

This all goes down in the span of seconds btw before Joseph like. catches himself and realises what he’s doing, which is. trying to beat his best friend into the carpet for taking his Stupid Childish Toy that he shouldn’t even Have bc what kind of Idiot gets so attached to some dumb Toy and makes Constant Annoying Noises with it. And Caesar is reaching up tentatively to put a hand on his arm to try to placate him or snap him out of it or Something and that’s when Joseph just Bolts

Like. clackers forgotten and everything, he just. utilises his favourite secret technique and runs for it

“It” being his room. He locks the door and sits on the floor next to it for a while trying to catch his breath and collect himself. Eventually he manages to get up and get his scarf to fumble with it to calm himself better bc the scarf is also Important like the clackers are

He’s fucked up Big Time. Now Caesar knows he’s weird no matter how hard he tries to save face, bc even if he doesn’t Say anything, even if he never gets his clackers back (oh god, where are they, did he leave them with Caesar, oh fuck-) his strong reaction to Caesar taking them will Definitely betray to him that Something Is Up. Caesar is a smart guy, Joseph can’t expect him not to catch on to Something being off anyway even if he doesn’t exactly know What bc it’s already enough evidence that Joseph is Weird and Childish in all the ways that are Undesirable

Caesar goes after him bc ofc he does. He wants to figure out how he fucked up and Fix It and also lbr. if this Was something Joseph would want to just be left alone with, Caesar wouldn’t really realise that until he got punched again. So he takes the clackers and goes looking for Joseph (which takes him some time bc he doesn’t Know what’s going on and thus that Joseph would be in his room where he can dig out his favourite scarf or bury himself under a pile of blankets bc that’s Comforting, and as small as the island is, it’s Full of good hiding places)

But he eventually comes up to Joseph’s room and knocks. “Jojo, you in there?”

“Go away.”

“…do you actually mean that?”

And okay that’s unfair bc even buried under three blankets (pressure is Good but his weighted blanket is at home in New York and he is here in positively Not New York) and feeling like the world is overall a v shitty place, he still likes Caesar. Even if he knows that it’s dumb to want comfort from the same person that hurt him in the first place.

And then Caesar adds: “I still have your clackers.”

And it’s not like. blackmail or anything, more like “hey I wanna give these back tho” and that’s what does it bc Joseph wants his clackers back and so he v bitterly decides that if Caesar thinks he’s gross and weird now then Joseph can just punch him and they can go back to hating each other like they had back in Rome

He hates that possibility tho

He allows Caesar in and sits up in his bed while he’s at it so that he can have at least Some dignity left. Caesar sits on the bed with him tho he does keep a larger distance than he usually does and Joseph Really hopes that’s “I don’t wanna freak you out again” kinda distance and not “you’re just gonna punch me for no reason again aren’t you” kinda distance

Before he does anything else, Caesar gives the clackers back and Joseph just. puts them down on the bed on the Caesar-free side of himself bc he’s Very Consciously trying Not to Act Weird

He doesn’t look at Caesar’s face tho bc that’s a lil too much for him rn

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Joseph just shrugs. “It’s fine, it’s…dumb.”

“It’s not dumb if it made you upset.”

And that’s so fuckin sweet and Honest and Caesar sounds like he genuinely feels bad for messing Joseph up so much but also Joseph doesn’t know what to Do with that when Caesar doesn’t even Know what he’s talking about, bc ofc it’s Dumb.

“No, it…it is dumb. Don’t worry about it.”

I’d say Caesar operates like 80% on Pure Spite so if you tell him not to worry about something he Will worry about it just to be an asshole but tbh it’s mostly just bc he loves Joseph in this case

“Can I ask why though?”

Joseph doesn’t expect whatever that is so much that he actually looks at Caesar for a moment. “Why what?”

“Why you got so upset. Or why you think it’s dumb,” and when Joseph doesn’t look convinced he continues. “I mean, we fight all the time, sure, but it’s never Serious…right?”

He genuinely looks Uncertain there for a moment and that’s a Big Fuckin Ouch bc of Course it’s never serious, ever since they took turns punting each other into that fountain in Rome none of their fights have been actually serious. They spar for training and they have joke-fights bc it’s fun to rile each other up and gain bragging rights but it’s never about Hurting and in face of real danger they’d protect each other over themselves in a heartbeat

So Joseph just nods, and Caesar carries on.

“But back there you got. really fucked up over what I did and. I guess I just wanna know Why so I know not to do that again?” and with that even He thinks he’s done but then he adds: “You’re my friend.”

And that’s such a fuckin clumsy way to end it bc he can’t say the rest of it, the “I know this here isn’t about comfort but I want you to be comfortable anyway” and “the world is shit and I don’t wanna be another person who hurt you” and “I love you.” So he just leaves it at that.

Joseph automatically wants to go “that’s easy, don’t take my clackers then, dipshit” but like. 1, Caesar is being v v nice so he Won’t be mean in return and 2, there’s so much more connected to his Weirdness that could set him off the same way besides his clackers being taken. So instead he just really appreciates the sentiment and Caesar in general and decides that it’s all a too big a can of worms for him to wrangle and he’d rather just weather the painful parts as they come

“It’s fine, you wouldn’t get it anyway, it’s fine.”

“Why?”

“I dunno, just no one gets it! Whatever, it’s weird shit.”

“If you think I don’t get it, fine, then explain it to me!”

And Joseph doesn’t know what to fuckin Say to that bc no one besides his family has ever asked him to do that. It was always just being told to put his stim toys away and stop moving too much and oh fuck just shut up already, never Why.

He makes a vague noise bc he forgets how to Words for a moment bc of that, and Caesar takes it as a question.

“Jojo, we’re gearing up to fight a bunch of gods with ancient magic so that we can get two rings of poison out of your body, and you really think I can’t handle ‘weird’? Because I can, thank you very much, and it’s You, so I don’t Care if it’s weird anyway.

(He ignores the huge fuckin implications of that and just keeps talking.)

"So, will you explain so that I can understand?”

And he’s Smiling and how Dare and oh fuck when did Joseph even manage to look at him again. He stares for a lil too long bc What The Fuck before he goes “Okay.”

And Caesar’s smile grows into a grin like he really is just. genuinely happy to understand this part of Joseph and make sure he doesn’t hurt him again, and Joseph braces himself for an awkward conversation with Hopefully a happy ending.

(And Joseph ends up being right bc Caesar doesn’t Understand, he can’t really fully understand.

But he Tries and more importantly he Listens and he Learns and is v adamant about the fact that Joseph isn’t Weird and Wrong when it comes to these things. So he doesn’t take away the clackers again and he finally connects the dots about why Joseph always lets him lean too much of his weight on him even if he risks toppling the two of them over and so he keeps doing it. He learns Joseph’s hyperfixations and how to prod him into talking about them to make him happy or distract him from shitty things, and what it looks like when his RSD kicks in and how to act around it.

Maybe he doesn’t Get It but it’s part of Joseph, and he loves all the other parts of Joseph too. And also tbh he’s a decent fuckin human being, even if he didn’t love Joseph so much he still wouldn’t act like an asshole about this stuff.)

[muselived]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion || ACCEPTING

• Can we stop sexualizing women on here??? I swear it feels like every time a new female muse blog appears, there’s 27 horny anons waiting in the distance to be creepy and perverted. Women, regardless of fiction or not, aren’t fucking. Sexual objects for u to project your fantasies on, nor are they gonna react kindly to u being weird and gross. Idc if the girl muse is flirty or w/e, unless it’s a meme or smth, don’t send them!!!

• I love aesthetic, I rly do. I do that with my blog on here sometimes!! But if ur theme is hard on my eyes, and I can barely see what’s in ur icon..u gotta pump the breaks on the aesthetic train. I know tumblr has this stupid trend that “ur only a good blog if u have pretty graphics” but pretty graphics doesn’t mean destroying my eyesight trying to comprehend what’s going on in your icon.

• Can we stop the trend that men who like feminine things or do feminine things aren’t considered a man?? The fact that toxic masculinity has even bled over into fandoms is gross, and ppl just automatically call a guy who’s not into “what a man is supposed to” weak. Well,,heads up. Guys can like feminine things!!! And still be a man!!!! Just like how girls can like masculine things!! And still be a girl!!!

[goldenhour-goldenboy]

hi!! after watching TF i got a Supernatural Dean and Sam vibe from Will and Benny, Will is like Dean and Benny is sam. It mentioned their dad in the movie and icouldn't help imagine him being a military dad, which is how they both got into this job. and Wills line of "I've been supporting him since the day he was born” about benny just reminded me of dean taking care of sam. could u write a fic about Will and bennys childhood and how you think it could have gone with a military dad away a lot! x

Soooo a couple of things 1) i’ve never made it past the third season supernatural and that was years ago so I hope the vibe is still what you wanted :) and 2) I was mainly working from other people’s experience with having a parent or both parents in the army and being in the army in the US is probably a bit different from being in the army in Germany buuuut I still enjoyed this snippet and I hope you do too! :) 

Growing up with their dad in the military (Ben Miller and William Miller, hc)

Both of the Miller boys grow up on strength, physically and emotionally, their parents keen on teaching the boys values and morales that are important to them. 

Their mother, an endless source of love, would always patch up their knees, dry their tears and help them with their homework. She’s the heart of the household, both of the boys inheriting her warmth and care. This is what she taught them, that there is strength in forgiveness and kindness and that every creature on this earth is deserving of love. It is important for her that her sons learn respect and honesty with one another, fairness and to be stronger than what the world might throw at them. 

He’s cracking jokes on Sundays where they are meant to be on their way to church yet they’re late again so they end up at a pancake place because there really is no point in going now. He’s morning runs, the brothers chasing after him until they get tired halfway through and he has to carry them back to the house, getting his own little workout in like that. 

The boys see their parents being in love, dancing around the kitchen, stealing kisses while cooking and even though they are children and that stuff is gross for them the imagine on what a relationship should look like gets imprinted into their minds.

Both of the boys grow up with at least one daily task to fulfill. It is their fathers way of teaching them responsibility and patience and care.

 William and Ben being in charge of the chickens in the backyard seemed like an excellent choice for that. they are in charge of feeding them and taking them out of the gutter and making sure the way to the enclosure is free and available ben learned to take responsibility the hard way, when he forgot to lock the gates one night and the chicken ran away in the cold, never to be seen again. His father, showing little emotions for that other than disappointment just shrugs and tells him to be more careful next time if he wants to avoid that from happening again. 

To the outside world his way of raising the boys may seem a bit extreme, even cold at times but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Their dad is still caring and incredibly invested in the boys, so much that he wants to do everything that they grow up string minded and healthy and independent, thats all that he wants from life and if that’s the way to get them to learn than so be it. most of this comes from his own father, having the family having a long line of history of vets and soldiers. it is a sense of belonging that he walkways felt when talking to his dad and he wants to pass that down to his own sons. and though they are grateful for the many lessons they’ve learned as children, little kids really can’t comprehend the situation as they grow up and are still young, let alone understand the intentions that go with actions.

It gets harder every time their father has to leave again. The boys don’t understand. It’s confusion the first time and some tears, they are trying to be brave and grown up then. The next time there are a lot more tears, more confusion, yelling and clinging until they reach a point where it’s silent tears and not even wanting to hug their dad and say goodbye. This is even worse than the yelling. 

It’s after one too times his father tells him he has to leave the next week, again, that William runs into the office, where his dad stores his belongings and the medals of his dad and pictures taken while he was in service, and pushes everything off the shelves before storming out the house. He doesn’t necessarily smashes anything as much as he just wants it all to be gone, leading to nothing being broken in the end but the gesture defiantly getting across. His dad finds William out on the front porch, the little guy waiting for him to come and confront him about his actions. Part of Will wants to stand tall and take whatever his dad has to say to him with pride and part of him is just utterly scared of the reaction he’s about to receive, anxiously awaiting the yelling his dad must’ve prepared. It leaves him with his chin up but his eyes watering and his lower lip quivering. When his dad just sighs and sits down Will’s nerves start to get the best of him and he breaks down crying because that’s the reaction he had prepared and now that there’s no outburst from his dad he’s completely confused into what he’s supposed to feel. His father can’t even be mad, it is such a clear and big signal from William to act out like that, he has to force down a chuckle. „You’re a brave guy, William Miller.“ His son is still sobbing and while he stops to take in a shaky breath Papa Miller opens one of his arms, not being able to see his son hurt by something he caused. „You need a hug, tough guy?“

William, even though being the older one, has a hard time dealing with the absence of his dad and missing him a lot more than he can handle. There are endless nights spent crying and getting terribly homesick, even though he is home. He grew up knowing what it was like to have a dad around and whenever his dad is gone, he can feel him missing. 

His obsession with numbers started then, counting the days his dad was gone, how many times he has to sleep before he gets to see him. It’s a desperate attempt to make the situation more bearable for him and it barely works.

Benny at the same time grew up seeing his dad from time to time. He’s used to the stories instead of memories and saying goodbye constantly before seeing him again some weeks later. He doesn’t remember his first couple of years as much as Will does, when his dad used to be gone for months at times. His world was much simpler, his questions could be answered with wonders and his mother telling him about how brave his dad is, fighting to come home because he loves his family so much. For Benny, his dad is a hero. Until he is not.

Puberty is hitting him like a ton of bricks and while his brother grew up with a lot of feelings, Benny suddenly gets a lot more input than he can handle. He feels everything, all the time and he truly doesn’t know how to deal with that. His dad being absent only feeds into his confusion, leaving Benny unsatisfied if he is home and missing him when he’s gone. He’s picking fights then, with his mom, his brother and most often his dad when he is actually home. Doors slamming, yelling and heavy footsteps on the stairs are common in those years and Benny loses the connection to his father for quite some time.

With Benny trying to sort himself out, William feels like he’s going through puberty a second time. They’ve moved a couple times by now and while Will comforts himself with books (they wont leave him and he can take them anywhere with him) Ben has gotten in with the wrong kind of people just one too many times. He’s out at night more than he can count, his mother not getting through to him and his brother only finding the wrong words. They’re at each others throats more and more, underestimating their own strength and forgetting that if they hit each other now it can become real dangerous real quick. 

It’s one night where Ben is coming home late. He’s drunk and trying to sneak in, actually bumping into every corner on his way through the house. He doesn’t even make it up the stairs as his brother, woken up by the crashing, comes down to help him. Hushed words lead to snarls lead to yelling, feelings that have been pushed down for too long explode. „What do you think dad would say if he were here? He would beat your ass to next christmas!“ „I don’t care about fucking dad! He can fuck off and die whatever shithole he’s stuck in now!“ They use words that cut deep and it doesn’t take long for them to roll around the hallway, fists hammering and hands closing around each other throats. Neither of them hear their mother shout, desperate for her sons to stop. She screams, she cries, she throws plates to the ground but they don’t hear her so she brings out the gun and fires a warning shot into the ceiling. Now they stop, startled and she sends them to bed before breaking down in the living room, a hole in the ceiling being the literal sign for something terribly going wrong right now. Their father comes home a few weeks later, both boys not interested in seeing him. William, who initially wasn’t even mad, actually understands his brother because he too, feels left behind. The last image their dad has of them is when they were 8 and they have matured a lot by that now. There’s no hug this time, the ceiling being fixed long before the boys learn to deal with their feelings and it takes an even longer time to forgive their dad, because after all it is their dad and they do care for him very much.

It’s a special kind of bond the Miller brothers share between them, their trust grown over years spending together and the thought about one leaving the other actually scaring them. Both of them like to know their loved ones safe and sound, a lot of their caring coming from the time that they didn’t know if their dad was alright. Ben and Will join the military at the same time, both beaming with pride and confidence. This is what they both wanted ever since thinking about their future, side by side and even though William struggles to come to terms with the thought that his baby brother might get hurt, he couldn’t imagine his service without him.

The day they get sworn in is probably the proudest day for the whole family. Their father is beaming with pride looking at his sons and both of them feel like they might explode.

There’s a lot they still haven’t talked about. The past is not an easy thing to untangle and feelings don’t go away like that, Ben and Will slowly understanding their father more and more as they experience violence and war and grief in the same way he did. Now they are the ones who get to see their parents from time to time, the tables being turned in a way they always suspected to happen but not being prepared for the way it actually is. 

It certainly helps to have a father who’ve experienced this kind of mental strain before and who knows what its like to go to war and then come back home. A lot of the adjusting with life back home they actually turned to their father to, family dinners often revolving around their stories and experiences and sometimes just quiet pats on the shoulders, as no words are needed to understand the struggle each one is going through. Not every action can be excused but they are older now and old scars are sometimes just that, old scars.

[awolspaceman]

how my dysphoria manifests i guess

just gonna warn u right here: this is gonna get in depth talking about dysphoria. if that triggers you, keep scrolling and have a lovely damn day! (also, i anticipate that this is going to get l o n g)

so i’ve seen a ton of shit coming from tucutes about how us “nasty horrible transmeds believe you need to despise yourself to be trans!!!!!!! they’re so harmful to the trans community!!!!!!!” so i just wanna dispel some of those myths. please keep in mind that i’m one person and my experience is totally not universal. i have trans friends who do hate themselves due to dysphoria, and i have friends who aren’t super dysphoric but still experience gender dysphoria. it’s a varied experience. here’s mine. 

i don’t hate my body. if we add up all the things i like/love about my body and then subtract everything i don’t like, we still end up with a positive. i got blessed by the genetics from my parents that i have a relatively masculine face, as well as a pretty pronounced adams apple by female standards. i have really nice eyes in my opinion, and i have some of the thickest eyebrows that i know of. so yeah, i got a masculine face. 

i am very unlucky with the rest of my body. from the neck down, here’s some of the things i like about myself: my collarbones, my shoulders, my hands, my arms, my calves, and my feet. those are all pretty masculine if you ask me. i’m 5′7 and wear US men’s size 9 shoes, and i’m a broad dude (my dad is disappointed in me for one reason and it’s that i don’t competitively swim). unfortunately, i’ve got a big chest. i don’t just have a big chest by trans guy standards, i have a big chest by female standards (if you wanted to put me in a size i’d be a 36 DD, which means i have a bulky ribcage and an even bulkier chest). i’m never perfectly flat while binding, and trust me, i’ve tried on a lot of binders. i live in sweatshirts. i’m also pretty damn curvy, with a smaller waist and thick thighs (mostly muscle, but it still makes me fairly hourglass). apart from my shoulders (which are probably the reason i don’t have that “perfect” hourglass figure thing), i have a super feminine build. that’s just how it be. we’re not even gonna talk about bottom dysphoria because i think you get how my entire body is contradicting itself.

so how does my dysphoria manifest, i hear you asking. my dysphoria is this weird thing that never really goes away. however, it’s not complete and total self hatred. let’s use the shower i took tonight as an example. when i look at myself naked, my body doesn’t register my feminine “bits” as mine. seriously. my brain cannot comprehend that my chest is a part of me. it cannot comprehend my lack of penis, so its circuits overload and i just feel... nothing about it. that feeling of nothingness is then replaced with a similar feeling to touching raw meat. just kind of “huh, that’s weird and kind of gross. i’d like this to be over as quick as possible, please and thank you.” i’m currently sitting in bed, and my chest is pressing into my stomach slightly. i’m not constantly focusing on it (yes, it’s physically uncomfortable, but it’s not making my dysphoria make me want to die), but in the back of my mind, the “ew raw meat” feeling is constantly running. not a fun time. my brain would like to be rid of that feeling as soon as possible. problem is, i’m kinda stuck with it. no matter how much i bind and how much pointless youtube i watch, it’s always there and isn’t going to go away until after i’ve had surgery. 

you know those cursed images that make you go “yeeeeeeeeesh, that’s n a s t y oh god it gets nastier the more i look”? yeah, that “ewwwwwwwww” feeling is the feeling i get. it just feels wrong, and i sure would like it to feel right. do i feel this way all the time? pretty much, unless i’m super distracted, which i try and do all the time. does my dysphoria get to debilitating self-hate sometimes? yeah. lemme explain, with a few choice excerpts from my life. 

this was june, 2018. not that long ago. i needed some sports bras so i could work out, go on long road trips, etc, without binding dangerously or for too long. let’s just say, buying high support sports bras for people with large chests is.... difficult. so, since my mum is a Saint and understands how my dysphoria works, we measured me and bought stuff online. when the stuff came in, there was a return deadline, so i needed to make sure it fit. this is where my dysphoria becomes near debilitating. i ended up sobbing in my room and writing in a small journal i had about how horrible i felt, and this is the gist of what i remember: i want a knife to cut off my chest. i dont care how painful it will be, i just need it GONE. 

i’m on a medication called norethindrone. it stops ovulation and therefore, i don’t get my period (its a fucking blessing. i gained a little weight with it but it’s not too bad, no heavy mood swings, and so if ur a trans dude who wants to stop your periods, check in with your primary doctor about it! they can prescribe it to you, you don’t need to be in gender therapy or anything). however, my natural hormones overloaded it once, about a year ago almost to the day. i got my period for the first time in four months (i had only been on the medication for about that long), and it was hell. i was having more cramps than i had ever had, and my dysphoria was just skyrocketing. i’d had the privilege of not menstruating for a while, and so i’d gotten used to it, and wasn’t prepared for the mental toll of my medication failing. it was horrible.

tomorrow, i’m going into the city with my parents to meet with some people to talk about freezing my eggs. it’s the one thing i need to figure out before i start HRT, so hopefully we figure it all out rather quickly (testosterone is on the horizon babey!!!!! we’re talkin like hopefully under a year until i can start it but idk). however, the thought of even talking about my uterus makes me feel sick. my brain refuses to acknowledge that i have it, so forcing it to acknowledge a part of me i try hard to ignore is 1. exhausting and 2. really distressing. talking about it with my parents made me dysphoric, and when this special flavor of my dysphoria rears its ugly head, i swear i can feel my internal organs shifting with discomfort. so, yeah, my dysphoria gets pretty nasty. 

so let’s just review. personally, my dysphoria manifests as this weird thing my brain cant quite comprehend but definitely does not enjoy, and sometimes it spikes to those self-hating, “everything about me sucks and i want to die” levels, but those are normally induced by me getting deadnamed or misgendered or i’m forced to think about aspects of my body that i work hard to ignore. this is my experience and i’m allowed to share it. not everyone’s is like mine, but i think maybe, just maybe, one person who sides with tucute ideology will read this and maybe, just maybe, they’ll change their mind about the “horrible self-hating transmed ideology” that other tucutes talk about and demonize. 

have a nice night y’all. get some sleep and eat breakfast tomorrow.

[danfanciesphil]

Give Me A Try (New Chapter)

Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 2 

(Part One)

Also up on Ao3!

The Habenero bar is closed on Sundays, thank God. 

The owner of the establishment is, surprisingly, a devout Catholic that believes in resting on the Sabbath. Dan is not all for this Catholic tradition (ignoring, for now, all the oppression and homophobia) because after Saturday night’s hell shifts, he’s usually in need of some recuperation. 

He wakes up at 2pm on Sunday afternoon on his sofa in a shirt that doesn’t belong to him. His phone is stuck to his cheek, and there are crisp crumbs in his hair. There’s a fug of stale, smoky, sweat in the air, like the smell of the soaked dancefloor of the bar at the end of each night. Belatedly, Dan realises that he’s fallen asleep in what he was wearing when he got back last night, meaning that he’s still soaked in alcohol. 

Grimacing at his own grossness, Dan hauls himself up from the sofa and staggers into the bathroom to shower. It’s only as he peers up at his reflection in the mirror above the sink that he remembers the shirt. At first, it confuses him, as it’s far too nice of a garment to be his. It’s clearly fitted, tailored probably, with a subtly cinched waist, and neat, complex stitching around the hem and sleeves. 

He peers closer at his reflection to read the little label on the pocket. 

Givenchy

Dan jumps backwards, hands held aloft as if he’s about to mark the thing with his grubby paws. He needs to get this thing off him right now, it’s far too expensive to be on his body. How had he let himself fall asleep in this last night? It’s probably all crumpled, he’ll have to get it dry cleaned-

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he scrambles for it, heart pounding as he catches sight again of his snappily dressed reflection. It’s a text from Tyler, the last of several by the looks of things. He swipes to view them.

From: Tyler omg CANNOT believe what happened last night

From: Tyler can we get brunch today?? lots to discuss..

From: Tyler hellooo?? earth to dan?

From: Tyler did u die from overstimulation of the brain after giving ur all time celeb crush ur fREAKING NUMBER

From: Tyler message me when ur awake bitch x

The blood drains from Dan’s face as he reads through the messages, all of which confirm that the events of last night weren’t a dream, and that, yes, Phil Lester did saunter into the bar, flirt with him, and hand over his designer shirt so that Dan wouldn’t have to finish work in a soaked one. 

Not knowing how to respond to Tyler, Dan chooses to just ignore it for now. He places the phone down and begins carefully unbuttoning the shirt, fingers practically trembling when he thinks of how expensive it would be if he were to accidentally rip a button off. As his fingers open the lapels, his mind flashes up a helpful image of Phil doing the exact same in front of him last night, his methodical, pale fingers working to reveal his bare chest inch by inch, right in the middle of the god damn bar. 

Dan’s face flames, and he tries hard to think of something else. Once the shirt is off, he folds it as carefully as he can and places it on the counter beside the sink. He then shucks off his beer-soaked jeans, which do not get anywhere near the same treatment, and jumps into the shower. 

It’s only as the warm, comforting stream of water cascades over him that Dan’s frantic mind relaxes enough to slip back into the memory of the previous evening, and all that transpired. Phil Lester. Right there before him. 

The slow, flirtatious smile spreading across his broad, full lips. The familiar sweep of his jet black hair. The pulse of his glinting blue eyes in the swirl of coloured lights. 

‘I got distracted by the cute bartender, and forgot to order him another one...’

‘I could save you as cute bartender when you text me...’

Cute. Phil had called him cute. Twice.

The water seems scalding hot, suddenly. Dan’s body temperature rises by at least two degrees, he’s sure. He swallows down some saliva, and runs his hands through his wet curls. How on earth had any of this happened? Situations like this are so unlikely that they’re almost never heard of. 

He feels how he imagines Katie Holmes must have felt when Tom Cruise sidled up to her, all flirtatious smiles and pick-up lines, after she’d been staring at his poster for all her childhood, tacked onto her bedroom wall. 

Again, the thick, treacly gaze Phil cast across to him over the bar seeps into Dan’s mind. The memory of it covers Dan's whole body, as if it were pouring out of the shower head, slathering him in its intensity. The amount of time Dan has spent staring into those eyes on his phone screen is insurmountable, but having experienced them in real life, he now knows that he may as well not have bothered. Those eyes will haunt him for the rest of time. 

He feels the familiar scratch of arousal start to drag at his thighs, tingling at the tips of his fingers, so he turns the temperature down, trying to divert it. Now that he’s spoken with Phil, so recently, it would seem odd to jerk off to the thought of him. 

...Not that AmazingPhil is anything like a stranger in Dan’s mental storage of wanking material. 

It’s just as Dan is rinsing the shampoo out of his hair that he remembers the one, tiny hiccup in the exchange with his crush. Phil had stolen Dan’s phone to type in his number, and had seen that Dan had been stalking his Instagram. 

As he freezes, remembering this mortifying scene, the shampoo trickles down into Dan’s eyes, blinding him. 

“Fuck!” Dan shouts, loud enough that he’s sure the neighbours heard. 

*

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tyler shovels a slice of avocado toast into his mouth. He chews a bit, noisily, then continues speaking with his mouth full. “I trawl the billions of nasty vintage shops in the Laines for a designer shirt, and you get one handed to you for free?! And by a dazzling, incredibly hot model? Hand over your fucking magic lamp, Dan. Some of us need it more than others.”

Dan watches with a slightly downturned mouth as Tyler talks around his mouthful of food. “Err, I think I was due some good luck, actually.”

Tyler looks like he’s about to argue, but then shuts his mouth, staring down at his plate in reluctant acceptance. “Yeah, okay, true. But still. Can I at least touch it?”

Dan shakes his head, drawing the bag containing the shirt closer to his side of the table. He’s taking it to the local dry cleaning company after this, as well as giving the staff there a long, terrifying warning that if they do so much as snag a stitch, there will be hell to pay. 

“No way,” Dan replies. “You’ll nick the thing if I let you too close to it.” 

Tyler sighs. “You know me too well.” He bites his lip, staring longingly at the bag, and sighs again. “So, when is Mister Delavigne retrieving his garment?” 

Dan shrugs, poking at the poached egg on his plate with a fork. He has no idea why he ordered this, he doesn’t really eat eggs. But brunch is such a specific meal, he feels like he needs to order something aesthetically ‘brunch-like’. 

“Wait, you mean you haven’t set up a time to give it back to him yet?” Tyler asks, horrified. 

“It hasn’t even been a day,” Dan says. “Besides, he said he might stop in on Thursday for Bingo-”

“No no no!” Tyler cries, sounding scandalised. “Dan, are you this clueless? The man gave you his number!” 

Dan’s cheeks heat, remembering the incident that occurred during this scenario. “Yeah, to text him about getting the shirt back.”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “No, you nonce, the shirt is irrelevant! It’s an excuse for you to get in touch with him.” 

This time, Dan rolls his eyes. “Don’t be stupid. It’s a fucking designer shirt, he just wants to make sure he’ll get it back.” 

“He was flirting with you!” 

“He’s a flirty guy. Trust me, I know everything about him. I’m like... a big fan.” 

A sigh of pity gusts across the table towards him. Tyler places a hand atop his, and leans forwards. “Dan, listen to me. Text that hunk of delicious, geek-chic muscle, and watch how he responds. I guarantee he will try and flirt more.” 

“I guarantee he will just say he wants his shirt back.” 

Tyler smirks. “You’re on, dumbo.” 

*

It takes Dan two and a half beers to summon the courage to text Phil. He spends Sunday evening scrolling through the photos on the AmazingPhil Instagram page, studying each one in great detail so that he can remember each minute feature of Phil’s perfect, Adonis-like face. 

He’s had the text message screen up for some time, the word ‘Phil’ at the top where he’d saved his number, as if he were just any ‘Phil’, rather than the Amazing Phil that has haunted Dan’s daydreams ever since he first stumbled on a photo of him years prior. 

For maybe the sixth time that night, Dan types out a potential message. 

From: Dan To: Phil Hey, this is Dan from Habeneros bar. I have your shirt. Would you like me to  send it back to you?

He doesn’t send it yet. Instead, he copies the message, and pastes it into his chat with Tyler. The response is practically instantaneous. Dan wonders, not for the first time, if Tyler actually has any semblance of a life outside of the bar. 

From: Tyler To: Dan wtf is that shit????

From: Tyler To: Dan r u trying to turn him off

From: Dan To: Tyler ?? what do u mean

From: Tyler To: Dan u sound like a bot

From: Dan To: Tyler im being polite!!!

From: Tyler To: Dan polite is not going to get you in his pants

Instantly, Dan’s cheeks catch aflame, and he feels his heart squeeze. Even the idea of such a thing is too much for Dan’s poor, wrung out brain to comprehend. He could never, in a billion years, be that lucky. After last night, where one of the most absurd of his sexual fantasies came true - Phil stripping off in front of him in public - he’s sure his luck has run dry. 

From: Dan To: Tyler shut up. tell me what to say then

From: Tyler To: Dan ‘hey sexy, still shirtless? i live nearby if u want some help with that...’

Dan splutters and chokes on his beer. 

From: Dan To: Tyler NO!!

From: Tyler To: Dan fine fine. prude. how about...

Teeth gritted as he wills his heart rate to settle back into a reasonable rhythm, Dan waits for Tyler’s next message. His fingernails tap on the edge of his beer bottle. Trit, trit, trit. 

From: Tyler To: Dan ‘hey! not sure if u remember me but u heroically clothed me in ur Givenchy at a bar on Sat. the lanky bartender covered in blue sugary liquid? i know, i know, super hot.  anyway :’) i have your shirt. you  should swing by the bar again! or i  can send it back. up to you dude!  but bingo nights are off the fuckin chain js. let me know :) x’

Dan reads the message through, only cringing slightly. Honestly, he was sure it would be way worse. It’s actually kind of funny, and weirdly sounds like him. Tyler has clearly been subjected to Dan’s lame sense of humour for far too long. 

Without thinking, Dan drains the rest of his beer, copies the message Tyler gave him, and pastes it into the text box he’s opened with Phil. He presses send before his alcohol laced mind can catch up, wanting to be rid of this conundrum. 

From: Dan To: Tyler ok, sent it. 

From: Tyler To: Dan omg what :O

From: Tyler To: Dan did you really?? :’’’D

From: Tyler To: Dan i thought you’d want to edit it a bit first!! wow ok looool

From: Dan To: Tyler dont say that! you’ll make me anxious

From: Dan To: Tyler besides you made it sound like me its fine

From: Tyler To: Dan uh huh... let me know what he says :’D

From: Dan To: Tyler i fucking hate u

From: Tyler To: Dan xxx

The corner of Dan’s mouth quirks traitorously. His relationship with Tyler is complicated. Never before has he been able to hate someone and love them at the same time. Just as he’s about to pocket the phone again, it buzzes in his hand. He glances at the screen to see that Phil has - oh, God - already texted him back. 

He almost drops the damn thing.

From: Phil To: Dan hey dan! yeah of course i remember you ;D surprisingly i dont strip off in the middle of a bar that often. or  for just anyone ;) omg id forgotten about bingo!! super excited. i’ll be there! what time should i swing by? xx

His hand grows clammy, and he can feel his heart picking up speed. It’s mental that just reading Phil’s words can have him so agitated. He wonders if Phil has already saved his name into his phone. Probably not. Dan’s still a complete stranger, just one that happens to have a very expensive item of his clothing. 

From: Dan To: Phil awesome. you wont be disappointed! bingo starts at 7 on thursdays :) ur  shirt and i will see you there! x

Dan dithers about the kiss. He deletes it and retypes it three times, wondering what sort of message it transforms into when it’s added. In the end, after careful analysis of Phil’s initial message (in which there are not one, but two kisses attached) he decides to leave it on. 

Dan more or less expects that to be the end of the conversation, and he breathes a sigh of relief as the text swoops out of his control, but the sight of the three pulsating dots on the left bottom corner of his screen stop him from closing the text window. 

He waits, heart palpitating, for Phil’s reply. 

From: Phil To: Dan are u feeding her well? i hope ur  taking her for a walk twice a day.  tell her i love and miss her, and will see her soon. xx

Dan snorts with laughter, realising that Phil is referring to the shirt. 

From: Dan To: Phil she just pooped on my carpet :/ buttons everywhere x

From: Phil To: Dan :o so sorry. will be sure to give her no treats when i get her back xx

From: Dan To: Phil what kind of treats does she like? x

From: Phil To: Dan moth balls, tide pods... she’s fussy  :/ xx

Dan’s sniggers into his jumper sleeve, eyes crinkling at Phil’s silly responses. Is this flirting, he wonders? Could Tyler have been right about this? 

From: Phil To: Dan gotta run! im sitting in makeup for a shoot and they just finished  prettifying me :’D see u thurs ;) xx

‘You’re already pretty’ is Dan’s instant thought for a response, but he deletes it as soon as his fingers begin typing the words. He shakes his head at himself, berating his brain for being so gooey and idiotic. 

From: Dan To: Phil cool :) see u! x

Much more appropriate, Dan thinks, then locks his phone. It hits him like a freight train as he sits on the edge of his bed, blank phone in hand, that he just arranged a follow up meeting with AmazingPhil. 

He remains perfectly still, sure that the second he moves, the impact of what he’s just done will send him into a full blown panic attack. He invited Phil to Bingo night of all nights. 

He drops his head into his hands, groaning. As he looks up through the slats between his fingers, he notices the Givenchy shirt, hanging proudly on the door of his wardrobe. 

“This is all your fault,” Dan tells it. It doesn’t respond. 

*

Bingo nights are one of the Habenero bar’s busiest. Tyler first came up with the idea around two years ago, being a self-declared Bingo-hoe, but filled with criticism of Brighton’s few and far between Bingo events. 

“Bingo should be about booze, glitter, and loud, obnoxious screaming,” Tyler used to say. “Brighton needs to up its Bingo game.” 

Finally, after months of pleading to Habenero's owner, Tyler managed to wrangle an opportunity to host an experimental Bingo evening, run on his terms. He spared no expense of the meagre budget he was permitted, and created Brighton's, and maybe the world's, first Gay Rave Bingo Extravaganza. 

There are several rounds to the game. The first is the ‘classic’ round, to get everyone into the swing of things. Players are in teams of up to five, they get a Bingo board between them with a selection of random numbers. Tyler, the charismatic host, hops up on the stage to crack a few jokes and welcome everyone. He then goes back to serve drinks whilst Dan calls out the numbers. 

Teams receive ten points per round if they win, five if they come second, one if they come third. 

The following rounds get a little... messier. There’s a ‘drag race’ round, where new boards are handed out, and photos of the RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants are projected onto a screen. Players must correctly identify the contestants in order to be able to cross them all off on their boards. 

This is followed by Dan’s favourite, the ‘closet smash’ round, where clips of famous ‘gay’ scenes from movies, TV shows, webseries’ or any other kind of media are shown on mute, and players must cross the unheard lines of dialogue off on their board. 

There’s a ‘guess the ballad’ round, where LGBT+ friendly songs are played that must be guessed, and finally one last round of just numbers, this time while everyone is significantly more drunk (drinking a sip or a shot each time a correct answer is guessed is highly encouraged, but not necessarily advised by the bar staff, due to the lawsuit that could ensue) and there are loud, booming Madonna hits playing. 

The team with the most points at the end of the night gets a £50 bar tab, along with a shower of glitter, confetti and applause. The losing team has to forfeit. 

Phil arrives in the nick of time, flanked by one intimidatingly attractive man, and a slightly older straight couple. Dan spots them straight away, and hops down from the stage, pink-cheeked, as Tyler continues welcoming the various patrons that have shown up. 

There is no shortage of teams this evening. Dan sincerely hopes Phil is prepared for what’s about to unfold here, although if he has ever been to a different Bingo night, he probably has a very different idea of what to expect. As Dan approaches, he can see the flicker of surprise that is so often found on first-timers' faces, flickering across Phil's gorgeous features.  

“Hey,” Dan manages, heart already clawing itself up his throat. 

Phil turns to him, a bright smile sweeping across his face at once. “Dan!”

A bright, white flash of electricity shoots down Dan’s spine; hearing his name on Phil’s lips is a little too much to handle, at present. He manages not to swoon on the spot, just. 

“You made it!” 

“Of course!” Phil grins. “How could I resist Bingo night?”

Dan smiles, melting under the pleasant, crackling campfire of Phil's warm greeting. Tonight, Phil is wearing contacts, and his eyes seem even bluer than they had the first time. As he stares into them, Dan thinks he can spot glimmers of gold, of violet, of lime. 

“Not sure this is quite the sort of Bingo night I pictured when you dragged me here, Phil,” the attractive man on Phil’s left says, breaking Dan out of his trance. 

Phil laughs, nodding in agreement. "Me neither. But I'm excited. This is PJ by the way, Dan." Phil jabs a thumb at the man. "And this is my brother, Martyn, and his girlfriend, Cornelia." 

Biting back a stab of jealousy, Dan shakes waves to each of them, ending on PJ, for whom he finds himself needing to bite back a stab of jealousy. How many attractive men does Phil just cart around with him, day to day?

"Oh don't get me wrong, Dan, I'm excited too," PJ says. "Anything glittery brings out the craft-wizard in me."

"Sophie's going to be so pissed that she missed this," Phil says, eyes still sweeping around the gaudily decorated bar. Tyler spares no expense for Bingo nights. Everything is covered in banners, in balloons, in... glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. It's a nightmare to clean up at the end of the night, every time. 

"Not sure it's acceptable to have two straight couples in a gay bar," PJ mutters in response. 

Ah, Dan notes, his jealous monster retracting its claws. PJ is perhaps not as much of a threat as he'd thought. Not that there's anything about Dan which would need threatening. His chances with someone like Phil are laughably non-existent, whether or not Phil's handsome friends are straight. 

"Oh, you're all very welcome," Dan assures PJ. "Bingo is a non-discriminatory sport."

"Sport?" Martyn asks, looking a little more on the concerned side than some of the others.

Dan chuckles. "Yeah, uh, our take on Bingo is a bit more... energetic, than you might be used to."

Phil raises a perfectly arched eyebrow, obviously intrigued. Dan just smiles back enigmatically. “So, do you have a spare table for us?” 

“Hmm, we might,” Dan says, trying with all his might to look nonchalant as he sweeps a vague gaze across the room. 

By no means can Phil know that Dan has spent the last two hours in which he and his co-workers set up being relentlessly teased for insisting on saving the best table for AmazingPhil. He'd gotten to work early, in fact, and reserved Phil the table right near the front, not too close to the speakers, but with a fantastic view of the ball cage and the screen. 

As breezily as he can, Dan leads Phil and his friends to this table, and gets them seated with pens, a Bingo board, and some drinks menus. It’s at this moment that Tyler, who has been buffeting the audience about on the breeze of his easy, clever humour, decides to introduce him. 

“And this yummy little twink over here is Dan,” Tyler says into the mic he’s holding. He gestures down at where Dan hovers, near to Phil’s table. The audience all turn to him, spreading a warm, gradual blush over his cheeks. “Dan will be fondling all your balls this evening, so do please keep an eye on him. Tip him well, ladies. Fellas. Folks in between.”

The audience laugh heartily, including all of Phil's table, so Dan just glares at Tyler, then scurries onto the stage in preparation for the first round. As he draws the first few numbers from the ball cage, Tyler wanders through the tables, taking drinks orders and greeting some regulars. Dan watches him hawkishly as he goes, hardly concentrating as he calls out the numbers. Eventually, Tyler saunters over to Phil's table, which is a frightening thing to behold. Dan stutters as he calls out the number in his hand, too intent on trying to lip-read Tyler's words as he converses with Phil and his friends. 

Whatever Tyler is saying seems to be making Phil laugh, which is hardly a good sign. 

After a minute or so, Tyler moves away, and Dan relaxes into his routine, cracking jokes each time a vaguely sexual number is called out - everyone loses their goddamn shit as usual when he reads out 69 - and things pass without issue. He keeps an eye on Phil's table as subtly as he can, and from what he can make out, the four of them seem to be having a good time. 

It catches Dan off guard when a table near the back shout out "Bingo!", distracted as he is by Phil's presence tonight. He blinks at the winning table for a moment before remembering his duty, and calls them up on stage to check their board. 

"Alright, winner of the first round, table 22!"

"Our team name is actually Cougar Chasers," one glittery young man informs him. 

Dan just smiles awkwardly, not wanting to explain that team names have never been part of the Bingo rules. As the team leave the stage, Dan glances back down towards Phil's table just in time to see Phil mouth "this round?" to PJ. 

He smirks to himself, wondering how the infamous AmazingPhil will cope under the intensity of the next few hours. 

*

Phil does not cope well. 

His team struggles the most by a long way, which is perfectly normal for first time Bingo players at Habenero. They get some points, but only a few, and are often seen scribbling frantically, or having heated discussions amongst themselves, eyes wide, hands gesticulating, stirring the confetti that's gathered on the table. 

Despite his poor performance, however, Phil seems to be enjoying his experience thoroughly. His glasses may be steamed from the dry ice Tyler pumps out in excess, and his clothes and hair might be smothered in an inch of glitter, but he's grinning widely, and is clearly trying his hardest. His forté seems to be the drag race round, for which his team actually manages to place second due to Phil's apparent extensive knowledge of the show. 

He throws the board up in the air when he shouts "Bingo!", but unfortunately it's a fraction of a second too late, and another team snags first place. 

At the end of the final round, it becomes clear to Dan, with a slow sense of dread, that Phil's team has lost. The losing team gets a forfeit, and it's almost always the same thing. Tyler swans over to the stage to announce the winners, and Dan falls back, eyeing Phil's table with a prickling fear. 

"...so big round of applause once more for our winners, everyone!" Tyler shouts once he's announced everyone. The crowd cheer and whistle for the winning teams, who bow theatrically, blowing kisses to the audience. "Bring your sparkly asses up to the bar to claim your £50 worth of drinks. But, come on now folks. I know what you dramatic little hoes are really excited for." Tyler winks and they all laugh, cheering happily. "Our big losers tonight... I am most scintillated to announce, are..." 

Dan bites his lip. 

"Table 34! Otherwise known as our smoking celebrity presence this evening, Instagram's AmazingPhil," Tyler announces. "And friends." 

Phil's eyebrows shoot up in unmistakeable shock. The crowd cheers, bewildering him and the others at the table even further. To Dan's surprise, Phil looks to him, questioningly, as if he's asking Dan to explain. Dan sends him a pitying glance, wondering if there's any way to warn Phil of what's about to happen. It's usually fairly pointless to try and stop Tyler, however. And besides, the idiot is already speaking again. 

"So, I'm sure you all know by now what happens to our losing team each week," Tyler says, grinning down at them all. "Table thirty-four, please kindly follow me to the bar." 

A loud 'whoop' of excitement resounds around the room, and there's a scrape of chairs as people hurry over towards the bar, wanting to secure the best spots for the spectacle about to unfold. Dan reluctantly begins climbing down from the stage as well, at which point he feels someone grab his arm. He turns, surprised to find himself face to face with Phil, and stumbles on his way down. Phil, who still has hold of his arm, manages to stop Dan from landing smack down on the sticky floor, hauling him upright. 

Dan, mortified, stammers out some sort of thank you, much to Phil's amusement. "Don't worry," Phil tells him. "I surprised you, it's my fault. Though I have a feeling I'm not going to be feeling as chivalrous towards you in a few minutes." 

Phil raises an eyebrow at him, still questioning, and Dan just attempts an enigmatic smile. He's so flustered that he's sure it comes off as more of a grimace, but at least he tries. 

"Hey, mate, it's not my fault you suck at Bingo," Dan says, his daring comment scrounged up from a reserve of courage he wasn't aware existed. "The Habenero staff accept no responsibility for you not reading the rules of the event before participating." 

Phil huffs a laugh, and releases him. "Perhaps a certain bartender should have given me a list of these rules before allowing me to sign up?"

Dan throws his hands up in front of him, already backing away from the conversation. "Hey, all the rules are listed on our website. Now, sir, if you would kindly step up to the bar to accept your forfeit."

Just as Dan is about to turn from him and sprint off, Phil steps forwards, penetrating Dan's personal bubble with his intimidating presence. Dan stops breathing instantly, caught in a sudden limbo as the world slows around him, the movements of the crowd crawling to a snail's pace, the pumping music becoming a distorted drawl. Phil leans towards him, a smirk on his lips, which he brings to Dan's ear. 

"Kind of like it when you call me Sir." 

He leans away, and the world falls back into its rhythm, the music blaring, the lights swirling in a cacophony of colour. Dan blinks, or so it seems, and Phil has moved from him, is back with his friends, headed for the bar. Dan lets out the breath he's been holding in a sudden rush, his lungs screaming with relief. He takes a moment to gather himself as best he can, heart palpitating wildly, and shakily makes his way over as well. 

*

"So, Dan, tell me," Phil says, wiping his sodden fringe from his brow. "How is it that whenever I come within ten feet of you, I seem to have an overwhelming urge to remove my shirt?" 

Dan, who is having a great deal of trouble averting his gaze from the miles of smooth, glittery skin covering Phil's bare chest, shrugs, mouth moving without making a noise. Phil is dripping wet, covered in beads of moisture, his damp shirt slung over one shoulder. He looks delicious, like a cold, dewy, fresh apple, just begging Dan to sink his teeth in. Just then, Tyler wanders over, placing two shots down on the bar between Dan and Phil. 

"Don't worry, hot stuff," Tyler tells Phil, winking. "Dan's pretty, but his charms wear off eventually." 

"I doubt that," Phil replies smoothly. Dan splutters, reddening. Phil glances down at the shots Tyler handed over, frowning. "What's this?"

"Thought you deserved a drink after all we put you through this evening," Tyler says. "And I thought Dan might like to join you."

Dan glares at Tyler, who just beams back, happily, before sauntering away. Shyly, Dan turns back to Phil, who has picked up the shot glass between his thumb and forefinger, and is rotating it in the space between them, gazing into the clear liquid. 

"Sorry about him," Dan says, surprised that he's able to force the words out, croaky as they are. "And sorry about... y'know. Everything else." 

Glancing over the rim of the shot glass, Phil grins, eyes crinkling. "Are you kidding? This is the best Bingo night I've ever been to." 

"Even though we sprayed you and your friends with the soda hoses for losing?" 

Phil nods. "Which means you must be an excellent Bingo host." 

"I'm just the guy who reads the numbers," Dan says, dismissive. 

He refuses to take credit for the Bingo nights. They're Tyler's baby, he just helps out. 

"You clearly know your way around the balls," Phil jokes, winking as Dan splutters again. His cheeks feel like they're about to burst into flames, at this point.

"Hah, well..." Dan shifts awkwardly, adjusting his jeans - they have a tendency to slip down his hips without permission. "Good to know I have at least one talent, I guess." 

"So, are you going to drink with me, Dan?" 

Dan hesitates, looking down at the shot Tyler poured for him. The milky yellow colour suggests tequila, perhaps the strongest thing he could have given them. Dan has over an hour left of his shift still, and technically he's not supposed to ingest any alcohol whatsoever during working hours. However, that doesn't mean he never does. Customers buy him drinks all the time, and while he sometimes declines, or pretends to drink them... there have often been instances where he's given into temptation. 

As he stares across the counter at his all time crush, shirtless and dripping from where he'd been sprayed with lemonade and soda water, Dan kind of gets the feeling that this is going to be one of the times where his resistance falls through. 

Not trusting himself to speak, Dan just picks up the shot, and watches in quiet awe as Phil smiles, clinks his own against it, and throws it back, expertly. Caught on the tantalising bob of Phil's stubbled Adam's apple as he swallows the spirit, Dan almost forgets to drink his. He remembers just as Phil's eyes fall back to his, and downs it swiftly. 

Purely to show off, Dan reaches below the bar to grab some lemon wedges, and hands one to Phil, blushing. "Here, it's practically blasphemous to do a tequila shot without a chaser." 

"Well, I'm no stranger to sin," Phil says, but accepts the lemon anyway, grinning. 

Dan bites into his lemon wedge, cursing himself internally when he realises how unattractive his face becomes as he does so. Luckily, Phil just chuckles, and does the same, wincing. "Ugh, that was awful. Tell your friend I said thanks." 

Dan laughs. "I will."

"Well, I'd better get back to my friends," Phil says, scanning the immediate vicinity for them. "Not looking forward to another shirtless walk home though, I must admit. I got some... peculiar reactions from people last time." 

"Sorry about that," Dan says, one hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Oh, wait, what am I saying? I have your shirt from last time, you can wear that." 

"Oh, right," Phil says, laughing to himself. "I completely forgot that's why I came tonight."

"Having too much fun, clearly," Dan jokes, already scooting out from behind the bar. "Come with me, I left it in the staff room." 

Dan weaves through the thinning crowd of people. People tend to leave pretty quickly after Bingo night ends on Thursdays. He and Tyler will probably be able to close early tonight. Dan can feel Phil following behind, as if he's attuned to Phil Lester's movement, tapped into the heat of his body. He feels he'd be able to just sense if Phil was in a room, even if it was packed with people. Phil's presence pours out a specific, viscous aura, clogging Dan's pores, seeping into the workings of his brain and slowing them down, smearing a haze across his sight. 

They reach the door of the staff room, marked 'private', and Dan pushes inside, heading straight for the lockers on the far wall. His skin prickles, sensing that Phil has followed him in here. It only now occurs to Dan how strange this might seem, luring Phil into an empty, secret room under the premise of returning him something. He decidedly does not turn around, instead choosing to fumble with his locker key in the door. 

"I, uh, got it dry cleaned," Dan babbles, drawing the garment out of his locker. It's still on its hanger, as uncreased and pristine as Dan could manage. "I don't know if it was supposed to have any special treatment, but I told them to be extra careful-" 

As Dan turns, he realises that Phil has moved extremely close. Neither of them hit the light switch, so the room remains dark, only lit dimly by the coloured lights pouring in through the ajar door. Dan can hear Phil breathe, can hear the thump of someone's heart - probably his own. He's pretty sure the song playing in the bar outside is Britney's 'Toxic', but he can't be sure. The sound of his own desperate, roiling desire is deafening. 

"Thanks, Dan," Phil says softly, reaching for the shirt. "Wish I could've seen you in it." There's a pause; Dan can hear his own cells fizzing through his body. "Or not in it." 

In that second, Dan is sure he's about to be kissed. Every sign is there: Phil inching closer, leaning in, the flutter of his eyes, as if they're about to fall shut. Dan tries to brace himself for it, to prepare his frantic brain for something so miraculous, so improbably, so utterly wild as being kissed by AmazingPhil-

The door swings open. Blinding, fluorescent light floods the room, and Phil steps backwards, cringing from it. 

"Shit, sorry..." Lara says from the doorway. Her round, pretty face is filled with apologies. "My shift is over, Tyler said I could head home... fuck, did I interrupt-"

"Hey, it's okay," Phil says brightly, sending her a soft, reassuring smile. "Dan was just returning my shirt. I need to head home as well, anyway. Great night, guys! Thanks again for the shirt, Dan!" 

In the next second, he's gone, and Dan, a mess of emotions, is somehow on the floor, back against the lockers, mind utterly blank. He vaguely notes, in the background, Lara jabbering at him, a thousand apologies falling from her lips. 

*

For two agonising days, Dan hears nothing else. Aside from Tyler bringing the topic up every few milliseconds, Dan's life trundles on devoid of AmazingPhil. Even his Instagram is dry. The day after Bingo night, Phil posts an apology note on his Instagram story that reads:

overdid it at Bingo last night (dont laugh) - having a much needed hangover day in bed with sweet potato fries & a Buffy marathon. Posts will resume ASAP! xx

The day after that, Phil posts nothing. It's unusual. Instagram is Phil's job, so he posts at least once a day, normally. Of course, there are exceptions, like when he goes up North to visit his family, or is too busy and forgets. There's far from a regular upload schedule, but AmazingPhil can normally be relied upon to post at least once a day, and often more. 

Then, on Sunday, just as Dan is getting in from his shift at around six in the morning, his phone buzzes. Dan reaches for it as he's peering into his fridge. He's bone tired, but his stomach is not going to let him go straight to sleep. 

He checks his notification, and freezes, under the judgemental eye of the courgettes on the shelf in front of him. 

amazingphil just posted a photo

Dan swipes the screen carefully, his heart in his mouth. How is he going to handle seeing this man, again, after everything that's occurred? He holds his breath, picturing the slow steps Phil made towards him, the gradual descent of his plush, pink mouth, the glimmer in his round, blue eyes...

The photo flashes up, and Dan's stomach twists in shock. His heart plunges to his knees, and he has to cling onto the fridge door for support. The photo is of Phil, and someone else. That someone else is recognisably Charlie Hickory, the man Phil had brought with him the first time they met. 

They're kissing. 

Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of posts, as you can see I've been kind of busy ;) back to normal uploads now, I promise!! xx

As his eyes sting with white hot jealousy, Dan realises just how deeply he's stupidly, ignorantly allowed himself to wade into this swamp of yearning for a guy he could never, in a thousand years, hope to get. 

"Well, I'm a fucking twat," Dan sighs, and slams the fridge door. 

(Part 3!) 

[mcutrio]

Movie Date [10]

Movie Date [10]

Tags: @buckys-little-monster @imaginesofeverykind

That next day, Kat and Thor found themselves awkwardly attracted to one another. The situation that had taken part the day before left them feeling somewhat strange whilst talking to one another, especially given that their relationship was nothing more than mere strangers, or rather… coworkers. They got along well, their powers complemented one another, and though they may agree that one another was attractive, it wasn’t particularly a relationship that either of them had considered pursuing. Tabitha and Courtenay, in a whirlwind of both new found and old love, perhaps got a little too swept up and found themselves dragging Kat along in the drift.

However, she was willing to go along with it. For as long as she would last within the team, as much as she already seemed to be dwindling, she decided that she might as well have some fun with it.

She met Thor in the kitchen and dropped a Chinese menu pamphlet in front of him, spinning it so that he could read it.

“Now this right here is pure heaven in your mouth,” Kat announced, tapping the leaflet with her hand. “And as sad as it is, you have a much larger meal selection considering you eat dead animals. But… if we’re going to show you what food to eat, then this is where to start.”

“Right,” Thor said, looking at the pamphlet and flicking through it for a moment, “what, so you just summon them with this special code and they arrive at your residence with the food?”

“Something like that,” Kat nodded, grinning at his naivety towards earth and mobile phones. However, he wasn’t particularly that far off, which humoured her the most. “And once we’ve tried enough food to feed a small village, I’m sure I can throw in a couple lessons on cell phones and the like.”

“Cellphones?” Thor questioned. Kat lifted her mobile. “Ah, the devices you and your friends can’t seem to look away from. What’s so interesting about them?”

“Uh… it’s like an all-knowing book that also allows you to contact friends?” Kat shrugged, unsure as to how she should explain it to him.

Thor almost laughed. “I find that hard to believe.”

“You come from a world that we had no idea even existed, Thor. Why is it that a mobile phone has you stumped?” Kat shook her head, scrolling through her contacts. “We’ll catch up on this. For now, decide what you want to order later tonight.”

“A feast,” Thor mused, skimming over the words as Kat pulled up FaceTime and called Tony, who was nestled away somewhere in one of his science-tech rooms.

“What do you want, Buffy?” Tony questioned, flipping up his eye-guards.

“I have a proposal to make,” Kat began, reaching for the notepad that she had doodled on out of boredom only to spit out a couple of neat innovations.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Kat, we’ve already been through this. Bruce and I are together, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

“Whatever, laser-brain,” Kat rolled her eyes, lifting the notepad to show Tony her sketches and well-thought out tech. “I think we both know that Court’s glasses are in dire need of an upgrade. Her focus has been getting worse; she’s been complaining about hearing electronic white-noise, too. Stops her from sleeping at night.”

“Oh, for sure,” Tony nodded, “bring your doodles down to the lab and Bruce and I will give it the once over, though I’m sure I can concoct something to help her out.”

“Awesome,” Kat nodded, “speak later.”

“Ciao.”

Just as she pocketed her cell phone and notepad, Steve appeared from beyond the doorway with a somewhat calm, somewhat on-edge smile.

“If you’re here to lecture about me skipping out on training sessions, I--”

“No, that’s not why I’m here,” Steve smiled. “I’ve been thinking a lot recently, and you’re right. The training is fairly pointless for an individual like yourself, which is why I’ve found a sparring partner that might actually be able to keep up with you.”

“The only person who can even measure up to me is Thor-- oh, right, fantastic,” Kat nodded, sucking on her teeth and placing her hands on her hips. “You know, Steve, I never pinned you as the cupid type. Why’s everybody so obsessed with the idea of him and I, anyway?”

“You both deserve a win,” Steve teased, before becoming serious again. “But seriously, I think this could be good for you. You’re good with combat, though you could get even better. Think about it; what happens if Hulk decides to make an appearance, and this time not for the better? We can’t always rely on Thor, considering he has a Kingdom in outer space to run.”

“Alright, Steve, I get it,” Kat silenced him, though nodded with a smile. “You had me persuaded at Thor,” she joked, shooting finger-guns at him. “See you tomorrow morning.”

“I’m counting on it,” he shot back.

Meanwhile, Tabitha seemed persistent in teaching Bucky how her PlayStation worked, and though the assassin may be skilled and knowledgeable of many platforms of technology, he was completely dumbfounded when it came to gaming.

“I just don’t understand how I-- just how do I make it go,” he complained, turning the controller over in his hands incessantly. “And why is this man just walking-- oh, there he goes, off the cliff. Who the Hell is this guy?”

“His name is Sam Drake; and it’s not his fault, you controlled him to walk off!” Tabitha laughed, snatching the controller away from him before he caused the team to lose.

Courtenay’s character, Chloe, came bounding round the corner and a chortle of laughter could be heard from her room as she witnessed Bucky’s failure before Tabitha took control again.

“Let me show you how it’s done,” she said, cracking her neck. Bucky was completed phased out, unable to comprehend the game as Tabitha and Courtenay managed to pick up the win between themselves, even after the rest of the team had left the game considering how confused the Sam on their team appeared to be. “See? It’s not that hard.”

“I don’t understand how you ever had time to practice this stuff,” he grumbled.

“What do you mean?” Tabitha frowned, “we had plenty of free time, you know. When we weren’t on missions… this is what we were doing.”

“Living the life, huh?” Bucky grinned. “But, yeah, video games aren’t for me.”

“I’ll make a gamer out of you, just you wait,” Tabitha insisted.

“Alright. Let’s make a deal,” Bucky offered, to which Tabitha held her hands out, gesturing to appeal to her. “If I play through this whole Uncharted thing, I get something in return.”

“Oh, yeah, like what?” Tabitha mocked.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, though a grin remained stretched on his lips. “I’m sure we can figure something out.”

Tabitha caught onto his tone and socked his shoulder. “Don’t be so dirty.”

“I actually didn’t say anything. These are your words, not mine,” he grinned, turning to face her.

“Oh, is that right? It didn’t cross your mind for just one second?” Tabitha irked.

Bucky made a noise, telling her that he had, in fact, had his mind stuffed somewhere in the gutter.

“I knew it!” she laughed, leaning back onto her elbows.

“To be fair, you were thinking it too,” Bucky negotiated, collapsing onto his back before turning to look up at her as she propped herself up beside him. “Right?”

“Shut up,” she laughed, hand upon his face, feeling the stubble beneath her palm and fingertips.

“So you were?” He teased, “look, I’m just trying to have my point proven here--”

Tabitha cut off him off with a firm kiss, one that had been well-earned after their days of tension after their first one. She retreated with a smile, smoothing her thumb over his cheekbone as the two lay, breathing quietly, staring at nothing but each other.

At that moment, Tabitha's phone buzzed with a notification. She pulled it out from her back pocket and inspected the screen, seeing a text message from Kat that she’d shot into the group chat of herself, Tabitha and Courtenay.

1 New Message From: Original Three

Kat: don’t want to alarm you guys or anything but thor and i are totally eating chinese food in his room rn !!

Tabitha: no way, really??

Courtenay: see this is why im the greatest friend, i swear. This is all because of me and you better name your first child after me

Tabitha: dibs being the godmother

Courtenay: that’s fine, i wear the pants anyway. Ill make a fuckin fantastic godfather

Kat: he’s currently gorging on prawn crackers so im sneaking a text any chance i get because HOLY SHIT IM SO NERVOUS

Tabitha: chill its just thor!

Kat: that’s the whole point! It's! Just! Thor!!!!!!!

Courtenay: just be yourself and all that jazz, i mean he thinks ur hot when ur fighting and you look pretty sweaty and gross then so. Can’t really mess up now can u

Kat: thanks, very comforting

Tabitha: seriously, though. Just be yourself. Maybe a little nicer because you’re a grumpy little shit but yeah, be yourself.

Courtenay: make a move before he does

Kat: HE JUST SAID HE’S NEVER EATEN IN THE BEDROOM AND I ALMOST LAUGHED BC THAT SOUNDS SEXUAL

Tabitha: that was your chance to make a move, kat. Please tell me you used it to your advantage

Kat tossed her phone aside to avoid detection as Thor, face-full, grinned over at her, seemingly in an even happier mood than he was before.

“I’m really glad that this is happening. You know, you really need to consider your life choices,” Kat laughed, “perhaps when you return to Asgard you should make Chinese food a thing?”

“No, no, I definitely agree,” Thor grinned through a forkful of chow mein noodles. “My friends would enjoy this thoroughly!”

Kat eyed him suspiciously, looking at the metal trays that he had managed to finish. “Is that your fourth tub?”

“Of much more to come,” he winked, taking another bite.

“Where does it all go?” Kat laughed sincerely, her face pink with her fullness and contentment.

Thor flexed his arms. “I cannot let my mortal form grow weak, for there is a lot to sustain.”

She laughed again, leaning her head on her hand. “If anybody from earth said that, I'd think they were insane.”

“Do you not think of me in that way?” Thor asked.

Kat, pressing her lips together to suppress her smile, shook her head. “No.”

“Then what do you think of me?” he asked, his voice noticeably softer this time.

Feeling a surge of confidence, she traced her hand over the pattern on his black shirt. “I think that you are…”

“Yes?” Thor encouraged, eyes sparkling as she lifted her head, dangerously close now.

“I-- I think that--”

Her voice stuttered with the proximity of the two before they suddenly jerked apart in surprise, the door slamming open with an excitable Courtenay bursting in.

“Hey, guys! Oh, am I interrupting something?”

Kat stared at Courtenay with a look of confusion, a surge of desperate annoyance on her face alongside it.

“Oh no… I am. I heard that there was Chinese food, you know, and I just couldn’t resist…” Courtenay edged forwards, taking a small bag of Chinese fries and backing out of the room again. “Again, so sorry…“

Finally, Courtenay left and shut the door behind her. Kat rubbed her forehead, feeling a mix of shame and agitation, though holding it all in and scooping up her laptop that she’d brought in earlier to play music whilst herself and Thor ate their food.

“How about a movie?” She offered.

Thor's expression deadpanned, telling Kat that he was unsure of what they were, too.

“Moving pictures? A bunch of actors and actresses portraying a scenario?” she offered, trying to see if that would lure any understanding out of him.

“Oh, like theatre?”

“Yeah, sort of,” she agreed, realising with relief that she was somewhat getting through to him.

Kat pulled her laptop between them, booting up a movie she thought that the two of them would be interested in. Their lives were exciting enough that plenty of action-movie plots were dull, so she settled with Jurassic Park as she was sure that Thor had never seen dinosaurs before. However, after the battle in new york, and even Sokovia, she wouldn't be surprised as to what hid away up in the galaxy.

Thor wasn’t particularly subtle now that two two had had some time together, and he threw his arm around her shoulder and held her close as they watched the movie intently. Although he was partially confused, he found himself enjoying the moving pictures so much so that he didn’t immediately realise that Kat, exhausted from her full belly, had fallen asleep on his side.

He almost didn’t know what to do, in fear that he would move too abruptly and wake her from her slumber. He shut the laptop and placed it on the floor, lying still on his back. He was hardly tired, though he daresn't move. Instead, he looked down at the practically unconscious figure next to him, wondering where their relationship now stood. It was apparent that the two of them were near kissing until Courtenay interrupted, and he was certainly leaning towards it. He felt a great deal for her; he respected her in battle and in normality, though the two were one in the same for her. It was… odd.

With a smile, he clicked the lamp off by his side and closed his eyes, holding her tighter against him as he, too, fell asleep.

[litstudie]

If you are anything like me, you have trouble exercising self-control during the holidays: you fall asleep at 4 am, wake up at 2 in the afternoon and go directly for lunch, which is usually the Cheetos you didn’t finish last night because you fell asleep.

Okay, maybe it’s not that bad for you. But it’ still hard to not spend every waking second staring at your laptop or phone. In such a state of mind, how can one even comprehend studying? This is insanity! Who’s gonna finish binge-watching Jane the Virgin for the second time while still following the new season if I study? 

It is for like-minded people, my homies, that I have put together this study guide to help motivate you to get the hell out of bed.

Set goals • but not insane goals. You’re still on vacation. Just like: okay, I'm gonna do 3 chapters today. • don’t beat yourself up for not achieving them, but also don’t keep procrastinating. • set small goals and get them done in the morning. If you want to, you can get started on the next day’s goals.

Don’t be a potato • ok, I know it’s hard. You just have to move around a bit. Help your mom. Skype with your sister. Dance to the new k.a.r.d song as awkwardly as possible.

Don’t get too overboard • enjoy your holidays boo. Don’t spend all day at your desk while you could be making plans with your friends that you’ll never do • but then again, if you like studying then who am I to stop you? Just don’t miss out on life while you’re at it

Eat healthy • I mean, you can eat those Cheetos. But don’t have them for every meal is all I'm saying • I know holidays are supposed to be for letting go of stuff like that. But fam.. Take care of yourself. You’ll feel bloated and gross and ugh

Music! • I rly like this mix by koala kontrol. I wish I could rec something from 8tracks but it doesn’t work for me (send help) • also, k.a.r.d is this new band and is SUPER COOL.

Pace yourself • don’t spend like 9 hours in one day and then spend the next day lying in bed. I think the whole spending all day in bed has an effect on your mental health as I'm experiencing right now.

Clean your room!

Let that sweet, sweet natural light in • okay I've had holidays for like a week (ish) now and I just shut all the doors and windows so that my rooms is super dark. This is a BAD IDEA. your body needs that (vitamin) D (lmao)

• also if u woke up early enough that the sun is still moving up that would be great.

Chill out • it’s summer, my guy. Don’t stress. (unless you’re re-taking the finals like me. In that case stress for an entire week without studying, make a post to feel better about yourself  and follow your own advice) • u gots 2 chill 2 beat dat summer heat homiez

Ok, i’ll stop before it gets weirder. But I need help u guys

8tracks??? What happened to that

I’m retaking my finals!!! And I can’t concentrate:,( they start in like 20 days help me ( I'm doing chem, math and french) send helppp

What should  I major in (since we’re on the topic) (sort of)

anw this took way too long b y e