#do trans men who are pressured into not transitioning because its 'ruining their body' and 'making them unlovable' mean nothing to you
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How can you say things like "forcemasc is stupid because masculinity is seen as inherently good" and not realise that you know absolutely nothing about the transmasc experience. Do you hear yourselves
#chernikocore#im not rlly into forcemasc but any 'discourse' around it is so stupid#do trans men who are pressured into not transitioning because its 'ruining their body' and 'making them unlovable' mean nothing to you#do trans men who are forced into being 'soft' and accepting abuse because they're treated as dangerous otherwise mean nothing to you#do butches who are treated as inherently predatory and abusive mean nothing to you#do gnc trans women who are constantly misgendered + viewed as lying predators who want to abuse women mean nothing to you#do woc who are masculinised so they can be abused easier mean nothing to you#do cis women who are abused into being perfect feminine housewives mean nothing to you#masculinity is only seen as 'inherently good' if its in cis men. what are you saying#im sure theres even more examples in forgetting#trans men like forcemasc because they're told their masculinity makes them dangerous and unwanted#and forcemasc tells them that no actually its good and i want to help you be who you are#why is there even discourse about it. this is so stupid#i was posting jokey discourse before im so sorry for posting actual discourse now. i keep doing it im trying not to#but im so easily frustrated these days;; ahh#whatever im home now im gonna eat and then answer asks. if ur still reading this ily and i hope u have a good week :)
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i feel like a lot of transmascs feel on some level that admitting that they are fundamentally different than cis men is an invalidation of their masculinity and it makes them go to bat for cis dudes as if they face the same pressures and societal expectations as trans men which ends up in them being very stupid and transmisogynistic because they come into conversations where transfems are talking about transfem eggs and the way that amab people interact with masculinity and transmascs join the conversation with "let men be masculine".
because trans men do in fact face transphobia for being masculine. masculine transmascs are constantly scrutinized and attacked for being ruined women who will never truly be men, with our masculinity being held up as a prize we will never earn no matter what we do and which we are arrogant and destructive of our natural female bodies in our urge to reach. that joke about how if bathrooms are enforced by agab the trans dudes who look like kratos are gonna have to be in the ladies' room ends before the punchline which is that those trans men either piss at home or are forced to invade womens' spaces which has very real social consequences including threats to their safety. trans men with full beards and male pattern baldness cannot pass as women to most people, so to anyone who knows or finds out your agab immediately knows that you're transgender, which means that situations where a trans person might closet themselves for their safety(visiting transphobic relatives, not having to come out to people who knew you pre-transition, trying to access gender-locked healthcare) are unavailable to you, so the non-op ftm with a lumberjack beard still has that while he's trying to get a pap smear and that joke about mom insisting that the trans guy wear a dress to the family reunion only for him to show up looking like hulk hogan ends before they tell you what happens after that. chasers who expect every transmasc to be an androgynous twink happy to perform femininity for their sexual gratification absolutely punish trans men who don't fit that standard, and your current partner preventing you from transitioning because you won't be their girl on command anymore is a well-known issue. masculine transmascs also get a lot of shit from other afab queer people, often even other transmascs, who also expect trans men to fall neatly under "women and trans men who i consider women" so they consider you a bad ending for a cute tboy who transitions too much, which makes swimming in a toxic pit lake preferable to existing in some transmasc communities as everyone politely informs you that they wish you didn't exist.
so like yeah, trans men do face discrimination for being masculine. that discrimination is called transphobia, and is why it is politically necessary for them to advocate for themselves in a way that cis men do not need to.
so why do so many annoying transmasc people add "and cis men!" into any posts they make about transphobia? why attribute this to an attack on masculinity generally as if cis men are also told by their boyfriends that getting bottom surgery would render them sexual pariahs? probably most of it is extending "trans men, being men, are closer to cis men than cis women", which is true, past its logical limit into "therefore cis and trans mens' experiences are interchangeable", which is not true, and they know it's not true because when they're called out for being misogynistic a lot of them will suddenly understand that they're a politically separate category from cis men. i am sympathetic to the overextending thing because spending your entire life being told that you will always be a woman often leads to an urge to frantically dig your claws into the only men you've been told are Real men and associate yourself entirely with them. wanting to be cis is a form of internalized transphobia almost every trans person experiences and not examining that can make you say some real dumb shit. i am not so sympathetic to them derailing transfem conversations that operate with the correct assumption that some "cis men" are actually women because, having staked the validity of their masculinity on being just like cis men, the idea that they might actually be women and especially the idea of having someone try to convince them to be a woman is painful and triggering.
counterarguments:
some trans men consider themselves closer to cis women than cis men or find the idea of forcefem hot: yeah that's why i said "a lot of transmascs" and not "every transmasc in existence", but also trans people can have complicated or contradictory feelings on their assigned gender which is why transandro bros who talk about androphobia like they're considered cis men will still understand that many trans men are considered women outside of just failing to beat the transmisogyny allegations.
a lot of that sounds similar to transmisogyny: that's because transphobia is a part of transmisogyny! tma people are also simultaneously held to the standards of masculinity and femininity and punished for a percieved failure to achieve either, and of course some of this is misdirected transmisogyny from percieving masculine trans men as trans women who don't pass. this is misdirected both because what works for trans women often is not helpful to trans men and vice versa so analyzing it as the same issue leads to suggesting solutions that only work for one group and are useless or harmful to the other, and because even if you're attacked for being a dude who looks like a chick, a lot of that transphobia can be avoided by proving you're not a trans woman. if an afab person gets accused of being a trans woman the main thing people do to defend them is cite their assigned gender, not argue that trans women shouldn't be barred from the olympics. this doesn't mean that transphobia against trans men, masculine trans men included, isn't real, traumatizing, dangerous, and often life-threatening.
medically transitioning doesn't automatically make a trans man masculine and is not interchangeable with passing: yeah i know but "transmascs who present as and are generally percieved as male" is really long to type and a lot of stigma against medical transition is based on its masculinizing effects. this is itself transphobic because it relies on the assumption that beards and penises are masculine while boobs and vaginas are feminine, but that is unfortunately what is systemically accepted and enforced.
are you saying that being forced to closet yourself is a privilege: not in any systemic sense or outside of the most general definition of "being beneficial in some specific circumstances with heavy caveats and downsides". like yeah being able to get into a women's shelter is better than not having that option but also being forced into the closet makes people kill themselves so it evens out.
feminine trans men experience a lot of this too: yeah "feminine" and "masculine" are socially constructed categories that in practice no transmasc 100% falls into one binary side of, and transphobia against trans men affects all trans men.
what about the assumption that transmascs face less oppression than transfems?: dude trans girls aren't saying that oppression is a quantifiable resource you are allotted a measurable amount of they're just saying that there is an extra axis of oppression you're not experiencing. a disabled trans man living in bhutan experiences more axes of oppression than an abled trans woman living in canada but that doesn't mean either of their oppressions aren't real, just that in comparison to a disabled trans woman living in bhutan they are systemically less oppressed. it's also possible that despite belonging to more or less systemically oppressed groups they as individuals could have any range of experiences from a pretty good life with a supportive social network to being killed in a hate crime at age 14. nobody in existence is on every axis of oppression, and TME means that you aren't on this particular exact one and nothing else.
but cis men shouldn't be forced to be trans women if they don't want to: and people who like astronomy shouldn't be forced to become astronauts, a trans girl asking a cis guy if he's ever thought about why he's more comfortable playing games as a girl applies exactly as much societal pressure to transition as asking a kid who's obsessed with space if they want to be an astronaut when they grow up. most of the time feminine cis guys aren't going to end up transitioning, as most people into space aren't going to become astronauts, but just posing the hypothetical isn't harmful and at absolute worst might be a little annoying if you get that question a lot.
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I feel like i should clarify I definitely read a few fics that were in this vein (Trans!Naprem getting Dukat pregs) but the direction I wanted to explore was a deeper dive into how Tora Naprem could have had very complicated feelings about the whole comfort woman/collaborator aspect if she had come from a community that was unkind to her for being trans.
An idea I had was: what if Naprem was coming from the more conservative side of Bajor, the one still in the shadows of castes and traditional gender/sexuality presentations? Maybe she is aware that Dukat fetishizes her and sees her as a novelty for his own pleasure, but she can't ignore the material comforts he's given her access to, things that she could only dream of even without the occupation in place.
What if Naprem experienced some really hateful bigotry from within her people, even before the whispers of 'collaborator' hung over her? The kind where her loved ones and everyone she knew seemed to turn their back on her, even if she was being subject to the same treatment from the Cardassians as they were. With no life on Bajor to preserve, she might feel like she has nothing to lose in this arrangement with Dukat.
In the back of her mind she knows this isn't freedom, but the bittersweet respites of gender euphoria/affirmation from her captor/occupier soften the edges of her circumstances. She knows what she has with Dukat isn't love, but it's a much closer approximation than what she got from her family. I think she might fall under his charm and believe that it is love, if she grew up in a strict religious community where love came with invisible power dynamics that men had over women. In a sense, it's refreshing that Dukat acknowledges the quiet part out loud, and makes the effort (however superficial) to assure Naprem that he's Not Like Other Gulys. Her father and neighbors would never openly acknowledge the way they exert control over their wives and daughters, and continue to do so where they can even while occupied.
I can see Naprem finding solace in the Cardassians' secular, 'scientific' culture, and encountering folks for whom biological sex are more fluid than what she grew up with. She might even take the extreme end and fully reject/shun the popular faith of Bajor if she was so hurt by its most radically conservative version. She finds dark humor in the fact that at least Cardassians are only obsessed with the ridges on her nose and not what's between her legs.
I have a whole other idea of Dukat and how he could have ended up accepting/open to a relationship with a transwoman. For now, I'm going with an idea that ancient Cardassians were initially hermaphrodites and would mature into male/female based on environmental factors. I feel like this trait, based on survival, would be revered in Cardassia—possibly even glorified by their current fascist situation as the ideal citizen who could sequentially transform their bodies to birth the future of Cardassia as the state demands. Hell, Cardassians might even be smarmy about species who can't transition their bodies without rigorous medical intervention. In short, Dukat only appears progressive because Cardassians are starting at a different level biologically than other humanoids.
While I wouldn't put it past Dukat to be a plain ol fetishist, to add a little depth to the story I did have a working h/c of Dukat previously having same-sex encounters, but having it hushed up out of shame and/or trauma. I'm still sorting out his baggage relative to Cardassian society - maybe it's similar to Naprem, where Cardassia as a whole might be moderate about certain things, but Dukat grew up in a more conservative realm where sex was purely for procreation, as a duty to the state. Esp as a public/political family with the pressure to have the appearance of 'model citizens.' A little gay experimentation isn't necessarily going to ruin a career, but it's seen as a 'wild youth rebellion' phase that will occasionally be brought up in an attempt to smear someone's career, but hardly ruins it.
I think that would make a bit more sense to me as to why Dukat's wife leaves him over Ziyal–in their circle of society, it would be akin to conceiving a child through an act of bestiality. It would certainly ramp up the stakes for him to hide her existence, even to the point of death. And yet, despite all the shame that awaits him should she be discovered, Dukat cannot bring himself to kill the child he gestated and hatched with the one woman who allowed him to live his truest self (even if it was under dubious conditions for her).
One final idea to wrap this all up–Kira Meru would have been clutching onto her role as a comfort woman for her and her family's survival. If she had gotten wind that Bajorans (unjustifiably) considered her a collaborator, Meru could have felt backed into a corner with nowhere else to go. Maybe she doubled down in her belief that this was her only way to survive, and when Dukat's interest began to turn towards Tora Naprem, Meru's sense of self and her place in the world and the occupation would have been threatened. She would have totally used transphobia against Naprem because she's at that extreme level of survive-at-all-costs. Maybe in this specific scenario, a self-defense tussle that turned into an accidental death could have occurred between Meru/Naprem, and Dukat saves the day for Naprem, further putting her under his control. Or Dukat simply had Meru removed because he found her inconvenient. Either way I think this adds some extra layers to how this triangle could have played out.
Sitting on a headcanon where Tora Naprem was a trans!woman who impregnated Dukat and he was the one who laid the egg that would be Ziyal…
#gul dukat#tora naprem#head canons#long post is long#kira meru#cw: homophobia#cw: transphobia#cw: comfort women
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How would reaper or mccree help their trans male significant other with bpd and their fears of abandonment due to their transition?
So I can try. I’m gonna leave out the bpd only because I like to do more research on these so that I can make sure I’m not making any incorrect statements or telling wrong facts. Anyway, enjoy! Also I’m cheating and doing Gabriel instead of Reaper.
Gabriel Reyes(A.K.A Reaper)
It took him a little to figure out his feelings for you
Not because he had a problem with you beings trans. It was because Gabriel was unused to relationships and this took place at a time where a lot of pressure was on him
So at first it was really difficult for him to even analyze his feelings
Gabe made the first move. The two of you had been shyly flirting for months
Honestly, Gabe had also figured he was straight for the longest time too
The two of you were a bit awkward when you started dating. For one, Gabriel had no experience with trans or men. And for you…the thought of dating again was nerve wracking.
Your last relationship had been not only terrible but toxic. You had come to rely on someone who never loved you, and thought your body was wrong. And to make it worse, others who had once been friends or family gave up on you when you transitioned, as if you were a completely different person after.
Gabriel though…he doesn’t see anything wrong. He understands its hard to trust. That is why he is willing to take the time to show you he is a man worth trusting.
The two of you take it slow. There’s hand holding, which progresses to cuddles, which progresses to little kisses, which evolves into heavy make out sessions.
Knowing where your relationship is headed, you go out with Gabe one day and decide to make it clear. It hurts your heart, steals the breathe from your lungs at the thought.
But you make it clear…that if he doesn’t want you, that he can’t love you emotionally and physically the way you are, then he needs to leave. When Gabriel is left stunned, you admit to him about the previous relationship and how it ruined you emotionally.
You were so scared. Any moment he could leave you. Even giving him this choice scared you because god, you prayed Gabe wouldn’t abandon you. Life had become so much more with him there, and you had fallen heavily for him
Gabriel cupped your face firmly in his hands and he’d kissed you with the utmost tenderness. Gazing into your eyes, his voice had been soft and rough with emotion.
“You are all I want, all I love in this life, y/n. This is not a game, and you are not a toy. I want to be with you..forever, if possible,” Gabriel had softly said.”Your body and your gender do not change that.’
Although the paranoia was always there, Gabriel had made you feel a thousand times lighter with those words. It took time, a lot of time for you to truly believe him and to let him into your life as you wanted.
But when you finally learned to trust him…it was worth it.
McCree
For the longest time, honestly, he had no idea you were a trans male. You looked and seemed like a man: you referred to yourself as a man. So why would he think any different?
Admittedly, McCree was bisexual and before you, had a real way of getting around. He’d never had anyone in his life who warmed his blood, filled his life with meaning or made him long for the simple things.
It had changed abruptly when he had met you.
It had surprised you how quickly the handsome cowboy had flirted and asked you out, but to your embarrassment you’d just stuttered a yes and nodded almost shyly.
It was so damn cute. The first date was the movies, the second a rodeo. He participated in the rodeo and you didn’t talk to him for two whole days what with the worry he caused you. It didn’t take long for him to get back on your good side though.
It took six months before anyone mentioned you were trans, and it shocked him at that point. His reaction and his not knowing had scared you. Honestly, you thought he was just going to pack up and leave.
After the evening ended, you didn’t call until the next day. You thought he was going to break it off. When Jesse just acted as if nothing changed, it scared and frustrated you. Did it bother him? Was he going to leave you in the end, if he couldn’t handle it?
You unintentionally left a particularly scathing text on his phone one day when you’d had a little to drink. The anxiety pent up from something you didn’t know of was starting to drive you crazy. When you read it five minutes later after it had been sent, the first thing you thought was that he would surely go now.
If your body didn’t do it, your attitude would.
So the response you received was entirely unexpected .
“G’evening sweetheart. I just want you to know, in regards to that message….that I’m in love with you. Hopelessly, utterly in love with you. The concept is new to me but all I know is that my heart aches to be near you and begs me to follow you wherever you go. The news was a surprise but none of that matters to me. You matter to me. And if your happy as you are, then I’m thankful. I won’t leave you. So please…smile, darlin’. Because you can’t get rid of me that easy. - Jesse’
Slowly you had read the letter. And then again. And then again. Jesse…wasn’t angry. And he…he loved you. A man as perfect as Jesse was in love with YOU.
Tears had filled your eyes. He promised not to leave. The worry would never fully leave you, not for a long time.
But you realized that maybe if you gave a little of yourself, even though you couldn’t know what the future would bring…maybe you could still find love and happiness with someone….
#Reaper headcanon#Reaper#gabriel reyes#gabriel reyes x reader#gabriel reyes headcanon#jesse mccree#jesse mccree headcanon#jesse mccree x reader#Overwatch#overwatch headcannons#overwatch imagines#overwatch writings
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dating someone who is trans:
my boyfriend is Trans and i know 2 other trans men, so look at me writing a thing about dating a trans person:
1) dont pressure them:
when you pressure someone who is trans you risk ruining the relationship. my boyfriend doesnt know if he wants his bottom surgery or not, im not gonna pressure him in anyway about it because its his decision.
2) use proper pronouns:
this doesnt just go for your trans partner. this also is for your genderfluid/genderqueer/agender/cisgender partners as well. as a genderfluid person myself, its confusing as hell for my partner. sometimes he doesnt know what to call me, so he uses ‘they’ more often than any other pronouns. and thats fine for me personally.
3) try not to stare if they arent wearing their binder (for trans men):
this is just a decency thing. if you see he has breasts, your brain will look more to call him ‘she’ and thats gonna hurt him if it slips out. it also goes with using proper pronouns
4) be understanding:
the main point to this one is that their transition, whether theyre a trans man or trans woman, is going to be a long and stressful process. it will basically be like dating a hormonal preteen, because they basically have to go through puberty all over again. and it will last over a year. patience and understanding is a virtue here.
5) sex will more than likely be off the table:
your trans partner more than likely isnt comfortable with their physical body. this being said, that means they dont want to do anything sexual. they wont want to have sex with you at that point in time. it really isnt your fault. you arent unattractive to them, they just wont be happy or comfortable doing it until they are more accepting of their body. sometimes there are exceptions, but not often. more often the people in the relationship talk about it when it becomes serious.
but those are 5 things to keep in mind when dating a trans man (4 things for dating a trans women)
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