#do not pity archie for the absolutely wild six months he's about to have

[duckapus]

Ash: Uh, Tulip? There's something I need to tell you.

Tulip: What is it?

Ash: Sooo, the short version is that your brother likes Ashley now. And thinks he has a shot with her.

Tulip: ...Explain Now.

Ash: Okay, so I was in a town up north from here in one of my Ashley costumes because...reasons, and I ran into Archie, since apparently that town just happened to be where him and your mom ended up when they left this place. Obviously he didn't recognize me because nobody can ever recognize me as Ashley unless they already know.

Tulip: Ah yes, Anime Protagonist Logic.

Ash: It does come in handy sometimes. Anyway, even though he had no idea it was me I apparently seemed at least a little familiar, which is what caught his attention in the first place, and fair enough, I have punched him in the face three different times. And on the outside I brush it off as just having "one of those faces," but on the inside I'm freaking out because if he does see through my disguise we're probably gonna cause a scene and it'll completely derail what I was there for in the first place.

Tulip: Yeah, he's really not as dense as you'd think.

Ash: Then he starts flirting with me. And like, I already know what he's actually like and I don't get attracted to people I'm not close with already so none of his lines actually worked, but they probably would've otherwise because apparently he's actually got game!?

Tulip: I'd deny it but I have met several of his ex-girlfriends when they were still with him.

Ash: So I'm now processing that on top of trying not to get caught so I just let the conversation run on autopilot while I sort things out, which I really shouldn't have because, well, you know how I act as Ashley.

Tulip: Uh, which Ashley was it?

Ash: Classic version. Blonde hair with a lot of volume, very modest, likes orange.

Tulip: *winces* Yeah, that's definitely his type.

Ash: Right. By the time I tune back in, the conversation's pretty much over and he's saying he looks forward to seeing me again. So...yeah, Archie's got a crush on blonde Ashley now.

Tulip: Well that's awkward. At least it was just a one-time thing, right?

Ash: *shiftily looks to the side*

Tulip: ...He...isn't going to see Ashley again, right?

Ash: ...So, you know how I said I was there as Ashley "Because Reasons?"

Tulip: Satoshi "Ash" Ketchum What Did You Do.

Ash: I... may have signed up for a six-month professional modeling gig as "Ashley Kotyu" because I lost a bet with Misty.

Tulip: And you couldn't have found one in your own universe?

Ash: Interdimensional commutes are easier than cross-region, and your country had the fewest hoops to jump through to give Ashley enough of a legal identity for this to work.

Tulip: That... you know what, fair enough. What would Misty have had to do if you'd won?

Ash: *completely serious* I'm pretty sure she'd appear out of thin air and throw me through a wall if I told you.

Tulip: True. So what are you gonna do about All That?

Ash: *shrugs* Well, the reasonable thing would be to just shut him down the next time I see him, but I was thinking I could mess with his head a little.

Tulip: That sounds overcomplicated, slightly evil and likely to backfire. Let me know if you need help brainstorming ideas.

Ash: You got it.