#disagree if you want but don't purposefully misconstrue what i'm saying

[shellforbrains]

(this was kinda a point a couple people were misunderstanding on twitter so i wrote a clarifying thread about it. so i figured i'd post that here too.)

"i am of the belief that one of the big reasons that FM goes badly is bc stolas is off his meds."

i want to expand on this point more & (hopefully) explain myself a little better. my thread about Apology Tour got way more attention (on twitter) than i could have imagined & honestly when i wrote it, i just wanted to yap casually with people, not like... write a super in-depth meta lmao.

so to start things off: i want to clarify that when i say that i think stolas being out of pills will play a big part in FM going badly, i am talking about it from a NARRATIVE perspective & as a NARRATIVE tool.

while there ARE some people out there where missing even one dose of pills can fuck with their mental state some, i know FULL WELL that this is not always the norm. i take like 4 different meds for my own mental health. TRUST me. i KNOW. for me, the most i usually deal with after missing a day of my pills is a nasty headache once i take them again. and on the day that i actually missed them, i usually don't feel very different at all bc the pills have built up in my system beforehand.

i am NOT saying that i believe one day of stolas missing his meds is going to make him go off the deep end. NOR am i saying that if stolas is struggling to communicate well that it's solely the fault of him not having his pills.

what i AM saying is that the shot of stolas being out of his pills is CLEARLY supposed to communicate something to the audience. it would NOT be included in the duet if it wasn't important in some way or wasn't going to play some sort of role. that is just NOT how writing works.

my theory is that by showing us that stolas is out of his meds & him subsequently being frazzled for the rest of the duet, they are trying to communicate that stolas is NOT going into this meeting with blitzø in the best state of mind.

and what is mostly likely to happen if stolas is going into this meeting in a not-the-best state of mind? i think that it will be him having a harder time actually communicating what he wants to say to blitzø.

stolas already isn't SUPER great with communication & him being in a not-great state of mind is only likely to make things even harder for him! which is totally understandable! but regardless of the fact that it's understandable, it will definitely play a part in stolas & blitzø's discussion spiraling!

now, onto the next part that i feel probably needs to be clarified: NO WHERE did i ever say that i think blitzø will not also be at fault for their discussion falling apart. i've said multiple times (multiple on twitter at least) that i believe there will be blame on both sides for this happening. blitzø is ALSO not great at communicating.

putting two people who aren't the best at communicating together with a touchy topic that one doesn't even want to touch with a 10 ft pole is a recipe for disaster.

even IF stolas goes into their meeting feeling 110% & is able to at least start out communicating his point EXACTLY like he wants, NEITHER of them are masters of communication. it is very likely that under those circumstances, the conversation would STILL spiral to some extent.

the point mentioned in the Apology Tour thread (& the other threads i linked in it on twitter) were NEVER meant to be taken as, "i think that FM going bad will all be stolas' fault & he's totally off his rocker bc he doesn't have his pills."

the mentions of him being out of pills & being frazzled for the rest of the duet were to point out that i was noticing something that i think will play a VERY important part of the Full Moon episode's narrative. that is all!

if you disagree with me, that's totally fine! just PLEASE don't think that anything i said in those threads were meant to play into shitty stereotypes about mental health medication or meant to sling total blame at stolas. bc that is ENTIRELY false.

the idea of Stolas publicly humiliating Blitzø in Apology Tour needs, needs, NEEDS to be looked at through the lens of their class difference.

(this is an idea that's been floating around twitter. that stolas is going full diss track in the scene the above screencap is from.

and weirdly enough, there's been some people PRAISING or DEFENDING the idea.

so i did a thread about it on twitter & decided to post it here too bc why not. slightly edited of course bc i made typos in the original lmao.)

first off: i am of the belief that one of the big reasons that Full Moon goes badly is bc stolas is off his meds.

i think that both stolas & blitzø will share some blame for the conversation spiraling out, but i think the main underlying reason that this happens is bc stolas is off his meds & not communicating his point properly.

second: i think that if blitzø DOES cross some sort of line in FM & ends up really hurting stolas, stolas is obviously within his rights to be hurt & feel bad about that shit. and especially bc he's going through his second adolescence & feeling a lot of these intense & big feelings for the first time.

him lashing out in some way or being a little petty could be in somewhat understandable. he's not perfect & has flaws just like everyone else.

HOWEVER. i do not think stolas lashing out after FM or going so far as to PUBLICLY HUMILIATE blitzø is what will happen. doing something like this would kinda be major steps backwards in stolas' character growth.

he has done a lot of work on himself over the 1st half of season 2 but he still has a long ways to go, ESPECIALLY in regards to how he treats imps as a whole.

stolas, a very powerful and influential prince of hell showing up to publicly humiliate blitzø, an imp at the bottom of hell's class system, would be... very questionable at best. and potentially dangerous for blitzø at worst.

regardless of how hurt stolas could potentially be & what big feelings he's experiencing for the first time in his second adolescence, the position & privilege he still currently holds are things that always needs to be considered. especially since a huge part of his character arc is that he's starting to REALIZE the extent of that class divide & how he unintentionally took advantage of that with the Full Moon Deal.

i REALLY do not think that stolas will actually belt out a blitzø diss track. i think that he will be using this opportunity to attempt to communicate properly what he WANTED to say in FM but couldn't bc their conversation spiraled.

but i am still writing this to try to get people to look at this from an alternate perspective.

i love stolas. i relate to him so much & i don't want to make it seem like i don't think he's allowed to be imperfect or hurt by things. i am merely REMINDING anyone that reads this that the class difference between stolas & blitzø currently still plays a large part in A LOT of aspects of their relationship.

publicly humiliating blitzø with the influence he has would NOT be a girlboss moment. it would carry a LOT of weight on how blitzø & his company could be seen & maybe even have an effect on their livelihood.

which is exactly what stolas wanted to AVOID by giving blitzø the crystal in the first place.

he is giving the crystal so that I.M.P can keep going & growing, as well as trying to put blitzø & himself on ever-so-slightly more even footing. this idea of publicly humiliating blitzø would be the exact OPPOSITE of that.

[wrongtvrns]

The words reverberated through him. That was always the fear, wasn't it? People seeing the parts of yourself that had been strategically hidden way, or the bad things you'd done before you'd grown and learned better — forever holding that image of you, of that one point in time of your entire life. From his experiences people judged you at your worst and held you there. They didn't care to do any of the exploration or question why or how you'd gotten to such lows in your life. The circumstances never mattered.

"Try me," Bear challenged. Something he'd come to learn about himself was just how much he could withstand. The world had tried and tried again many times over to break him and had failed at doing so every time. No matter how low he'd gotten. He also had never been shy of carrying the burdens of others. Life never let anyone make it this far without damage, baggage, and scars. Somehow all of this was a blessing, to get to battle through existence. "Some of... many of the things I've done could change your mind, too." They were strangers, he was reminded, but he liked that he was a clean slate with the woman in front of him.

Quickly he disagreed when she expressed shame for a moment of vulnerability by shaking his head. "I'm not sure any of us know who we really are. I think we spend our whole lives figuring it out." Oddly, he wanted to touch her. A weighted hand of reassurance to give her arm a gentle squeeze or stroke his fingers across her perfect cheekbones. Bear felt a comfort with her, something that happened fast, that had been rare for him. Connecting with people wasn't an easy task. "More people need the quiet," Bear smiled a little, it wasn't his business that he liked that she seemed to be enjoying his hometown, "humans need some solitude. All that noise and non-stop lifestyle... we weren't built for that."

As much as Bear wanted to say yes, this could be their spot, he ended up shaking his head. Another rasped sound crawled up his throat in the form of good natured humor. "I'd rather us find and have a spot outside of here." His blue eyes panned around the space filled with formal attire, then landed back on her. "I'm hoping I don't ever have to come back here." Though, he would for another chance at seeing her if it came down to it. Even if he wasn't wearing the trusty jean jacket at the moment, his chin tucked a little as he looked down at his arms and attempted a gander at his shoulders. "I'll tell the politicians you said so. I'm pretty sure I'll get a pass if I do..."

Maybe she could feel it or sense it, too. That Bear's need for some quick assistance had slowed to being greedy with her time. She'd been in this store shopping and browsing around as well, but he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty for stealing her away. Especially if she'd been headed to the men's section with a purpose. Despite them seemingly being from different worlds he wanted to elongate as much time with her as possible. Connections like this were rare, he knew that much, even if he wasn't quite sure what was going on. "Maybe that's why you need it so much," Bear countered, "it's just my opinion but I think everyone needs to know how to be on their own. New York is just a visit away if the missing gets to be too much, yeah?"

The conversation turning to him brought an alertness to Bear that hadn't been there before. Not a tension or anxiety but something that could likely be misconstrued as such. Bringing up family always closed off his demeanor a bit. Not purposefully, or even consciously, but it was a topic he wasn't all that open to. "Uhh, it's just me." There was a distance that swathed his words. "I've got a couple of siblings, but... yeah." After a few beats of his avoidant eye contact it began to dissipate and whatever had come over him, the veil slowly fell away. "What about you? Is your family," or boyfriend, husband, "following you out here?"

An answer drifted from his head and settled on his tongue, ready to respond, but the words never came out. The atmosphere was taught with something inexplicable. He hovered there, close, study and immovable as a statue and silently gave her permission. It was up to her what she wanted to do and Bear wanted her to have that control. That choice. The man stayed put as she rose up on the balls of her feet, her mouth brought irresistibly closer to his, but his large hands shifted to rest at the curve of this woman's waist. When her nose brushed his and her lips pressed against his, Bear answered the call. His lips parted and he moved in, kissing her back and deepening it just a little more so that it was clear he wanted this.

As though it would hold her there, her soft and lithe figure against his, the sweet taste of her mouth, one of Bear's hands moved up and rested partly on her throat and partly held her jaw. If this kiss never ended it would be too soon. When her tongue smoothed across his bottom lip, his jaw opened more as he slipped his tongue to meet her own. Then a knock came that he had to refrain from punching through the door to shove the interruption away. He was licking his lips, savoring the heat of her that still lingered there, while she informed the attendant that they were busy. Not caring how it came across, the man cleared his throat.

"Of course," he said of the promise, "I always keep those." Which, was one of the truest things about Bear. If he gave his word on anything then it was rock solid and the most dependable. They were still close, and even though his hands had fallen away from her when reality came crashing down on them, Bear wanted to pull her close and continue what had been started. "I think I definitely need to see you again so..." For a moment he bit his lip and tried to reel it all back in. They needed to finish the task at hand. The anticipation just might be the death of him, though.

"Yeah," he nodded, his thumb and index finger pinched the fabric of her top right at her stomach lightly, "that'd be helpful." Bear could also walk out there and get the next size up but she was the woman with the sense and vision. It didn't matter to him that his top half was bare. When she made no move to leave though Bear didn't waste the moment and slid that hand around to the small of her back to push her against him. In a blink he'd dipped his head and stolen those full lips with another kiss. This time he was the one that had a deep sound moving up his throat.

There were experiences and people forged into her memory, some of which she wouldn't forget and others she'd do anything to never think about again. If she could take it all back, if she could make her own way, would she? It wasn't a question she'd ever put much thought into and yet, as she stood before a stranger, it was a question she was desperate to answer. "Maybe that would change if you saw some of things I did," she countered, firm but tone gentle. Suddenly, she was thankful that the man before her couldn't see through her. If he could, she doubted he'd want to stick around.

Part of the problem was not knowing who she was or what she wanted. After so many years of those decisions being made for her, it was overwhelming to have that control back in her hands. "And what if I don't know who I am?" It was too deep of a question for someone who'd asked for help finding a suit jacket. Heat rushed to her cheeks and an apology danced awkwardly off her tongue. "I'm sorry. That's so embarrassing," she exhaled beneath a nervous laugh. For someone who'd built a career on confidence, she found herself more flustered than not in his company.

"So far I'm liking the quiet." The dark haired woman was thankful for the few beats of silence that passed between them. It was new for her — being an open book and asking the big questions aloud. In another world, one where they weren't picking out formal attire in the wild, perhaps she could've opened up even more. Was it crazy that a part of her wanted to? "Is this our spot now?"

As his raspy laugh filled the air, she decided then and there that she liked the sound of it. It was comforting, warm, and inviting. Then again, that seemed to him. A breath caught in her throat as his skin brushed against hers, but it was his words that left her needing a moment to find her balance again. "I'm sure your trusty jean jacket isn't all that bad," she hummed lowly, still hanging on his words. How long could they linger in one's space before inevitably partings ways? A wave of dread washed over her, but the crooked grin that met her gaze made it seem trivial by comparison.

The move to Woodside had been the very thing she'd needed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had more than two days off in a row without someone knocking at her door or blowing up her phone. Then again, even that had taken a little time for her to adjust to. The lack of sirens outside her place, the decrease in notifications, the lone nights out to bars and the club she'd come to enjoy? It was all new, but there was a sense of loneliness attached to the move that she hadn't quite figured out. "It isn't for everyone. Despite everything, I kind of miss it." She flashed a small smile at the confession and her gaze captured his again. "I'm not used to being on my own."

She wondered about his life, about the people in it. Did he have siblings? Was he close to his parents? Conversation in a genuine sense was a mystery to her. Most people only cared about the figures she made a year or the places she'd been. It was that rare she ever got a chance to ask anything in return, or that she even cared to do such a thing. "Is it just you? Or do you have family here?" Yet again, she was surprised by the sound of her own voice. More than that, she was surprised with how much she cared to know the answer.

Scar for scar, she created short stories in her head on how he'd gotten them. There was an ache within every story and a desire to trace every single one of them while he told her the real cause. Beyond the imperfections, though she'd hardly label them such, were chorded muscles and a torso that stretched on for days. He may not have fit the modeling bill to a tee, but he was far more attractive than any spray tanned set of abs she'd ever laid eyes on. He was real — every part of him. From the deep blue in his gaze, to every scar etched into his skin.

Her heartbeat was thrumming out of rhythm, wild and strong. There was an element of guilt weaved into her thoughts, but it was outweighed by selfish desires. Slowly and without fear, the model stretched upwards, the distance between them narrowing by the second. "So, what's your idea then?" The words were nothing more than a whisper. She was close enough to feel the heat of his breath on her cherry coated lips. Eyes fluttered closed as nose brushed his and if she hadn't of known any better, she would've sworn the sound of her heart pounding against her chest would've given her away.

A quiet hum of muffled approval rumbled in her throat as her lips met his. She hovered close, her fingers curling into the material of the shirt that clung to his skin as her tongue teasingly trailed over his bottom lip. It was a knock at the door that had her pulling back, a grin on her mouth as she looked over the faint smudge of lipstick left in her wake. "We're still trying things on," she called out, her gaze never averting from the man before her.

She was surprised to see the phone offered to her, but she accepted without a thought and typed in her name and number before handing it back. "Is that a promise?" There was time to consider what she was getting into, but that time wasn't now. For all she knew, he was far smoother than he'd given himself credit for and the exchange was one of many. Even if she hoped that weren't true. "I think you're right."

In her defense, she'd temporarily forgotten the task at hand while the taste of him on her tongue still lingered. "I should probably go for the next size up, maybe two." To be safe, probably two. "I'll go grab another." And yet, she made no effort in tearing away from his hold. Instead, she stayed put, feet cemented to the patterned carpet beneath.