#dirthamen '*frantically hiding pictures of her because of his long term crush on peacekeeper devotion*'

[selenelavellan]

I wish you would write a fic where Dirthamen (due to his somewhat cryptic way of communicating with his followers and his association with Falon'din) gets labeled a demon lord and Selene (after turning Falon'din into a simple house cat bc that is ALWAYS hilarious) gets chosen to go deal with HIM too. Except hes really polite?? And he seems more relieved that his brother is incapable of murdering everyone in the room than bent on revenge. Also hes cute. Deal with him can mean... anything, right?

Accidental ‘Hero’ AU

Dirthamen and Falon’din are based on @feynites​ writings

Reports of Selene’s triumph overFalon'din are greatly exaggerated.

There was no great battle, no flash ofswords and magics being slung through the air like arrows. Only asingle spell had been cast- and misfired.

Her best kept secret these days is thatthe Lord of Death is not actually…dead. Only stuck in the form ofher new and largely ill-tempered cat.

Which was fine, she supposed. The worldwas far better without him holding any sort of power, in her opinion.

And also in the many, many, manyopinions of those who had served him.

None of this had been toomuch of an issue to begin with. Cat training has been a slow, uphillbattle, but once she had learned how to cap his claws and soothe histemper, Falon'din made an…adequate pet.

Still very weird, but do-able.

No, the real troubles had started whenpeople started treating her like some sort of great hero.

She has more political sway than sheactually knows what to do with now.

And people are starting to ask her to domore things for the good of the people.

She barely managed the firstthing.

But Falon'din had a brother; a twinsoul and Lord of Darkness and Demons (who doesn’t love some creepyalliteration between brothers, right?), Dirthamen.

Whose doorstep she is currentlystanding on, with a sword on her hip.

The sentries stare at herapprehensively as she scratches the back of her head and has many,many regrets.

He’s bad, right? They all are.Different degrees of terrible, but you don’t get the title of DemonLord for nothing, and she’s seen Falon'dins atrocities. Cut from thesame cloth, and all that.

Should she just…walk in?

“Excuse me,” She calls up to one ofthe sentries on the battlement.

They lean slightly over, and gesturefor her to continue.

“I’m here to-er-to see LordDirthamen. Is he uh…” this is the worst assassination attempt inthe world, what is she even doing here trying to walk right inthe front door of his castle, she bemoans before finally asking “Ishe home?”

The sentry pulls back and Selenementally prepares herself for a fight (like I could actually take onall of Lord Dirthamen’s sentries come on,we all know I’m just going to die whether you let me in or not).

Butthe large stone doors open inward, and Selene has to rein in hersurprise.

Well.

….rightthrough the front door then, she supposes, straightening her back andtrying to exude a sense of confidence she absolutely doesn’t feel.

Maybeshe could just turn Lord Dirthamen into a cat too. Maybe he’d even beamenable to it.

‘excuseme, I know I’m supposed to kill you but wouldn’t you rather just be acat for eternity? It’d be so much simpler for all of us, don’t youagree?’

Yeah.

Right.

But asshe’s lead to the throne room she finds…a strangely normal lookingroom. A bit poorly lit maybe, but…comparatively….

Thereare no fountains of blood (not even still pools), no lingeringessences of shattered spirits, no collared or leashed servants. Eventhe Lord Dirthamen himself is unembellished, sat in dark robesand a full face mask atop his geometric throne.

Lookinglike he is…waiting for something.

Selene’snot entirely sure what to doat this point. She hadn’t thought she’d actually make it this far.

“Hello,”She tries.

“Hello,”he returns with a slight nod.

“I’mSelene.”

“Yes,”He nods again. “I have heard of you.”

Sheshifts slightly on her feet.

Sheshould have…planned this better. The last month has all been a bitof a mess though, running from one disaster to the next. If she hadwaited, he likely would have killed her first.

Hestill might.

“Ikilled your brother,” She declares.

Whichis probably the most idiotic things she could have said, she beratesherself, because really, how else would he have heard of her?

But hedoesn’t outwardly acknowledge her statement. He pauses, and leansforward slightly in his throne. Feathers rustle overhead, as thesentries that had accompanied her inside are dismissed.

Andthen she is alone with him, in the empty, cavernous, cold throneroom.

Feelingvery, very small.

Shetries not to let her self-consciousness show.

“Didyou?” He asks in a tone that is very difficult to decipher.

“Thatis what the stories say,” She evades.

“Storiessay many things; that does not make them true.”

“Everystory has a grain of truth in its core,” She retorts.

Heleans back again, and the rustling grows louder above her.

“Heis alive,” Dirthamen declares. “I can still feel my brotherthrough our bond. However he has been weakened, whatever state he isin; he is alive.”

Seleneshand sits awkwardly on the hilt of her sword.

“Youalready know this,” He says without waiting for her response.

Shehesitates.

Andthen drags her hand down her face and lets the tension slip from hershoulders.

“Ididn’t-look-ok, it was an accident.I wasn’t trying to kill your brother-” She pauses. “Ok, I wastrying a little bit,but not-I used to be a Peacekeeper, you know? I didn’t know hewas-Someone needed help and I was trying to keep the peaceand being posted to Falon'dins lands has always been a shit positionbut I was trying to make amends for issues back home and-It was hisown fault, really. Who just grabs someone and-and-and he was anasshole, and quite frankly he deserved it! So…so there!”

Thereis stillness and silence in the wake of her outburst.

“Butyou did not kill him.” Dirthamen reiterates.

“No,”Selene admits, throwing her hands up in the air in internal defeat at being the actual worst assassin ever. “I didn’t. Ishould have, but I didn’t.”

“Whereis he now?”

“Lockedin my bathroom,” She sighs, wringing her hands together.“It’s…very well warded. And his magics are gone, so he can’t domuch damage.”

“Heis very physically capable,” he says, almost like a warning. Likehe’s concerned about her getting hurt. Which is very strange on awhole host of levels she’s not well rested enough to analyze rightnow.

“Yeahwell,” She laughs awkwardly, half terrified of saying it aloud.“Maybe he was when he was an elf, but now…”

“Now?”

“He’suh…” She licks her lip nervously. “He’s a cat. A small one,like a house cat…type…creature. I put a uh-a bell on him andeverything. One of his servants recommended it. Something about karmaand collars and…”

“Youturned my brother into…a house pet?”

Seleneswallows and nods, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“Yeeeah…”

Anoise erupts from him that sounds almost like a laugh.

“That…mightexplain some things,” Is all he says though. “And you have cometo me for what purpose?”

“Ostensibly,to kill you.”

“Thatwould be quite a feat.”

“SoI’ve heard,” She says with a half-hearted grin. “Don’t supposeyou’d like to be a house cat instead?”

Hisfingers drum against the arm of his throne, and for a moment somesmall part of her thinks he might actually be considering it.

“WouldI also be cut off from my magic?”

“Ithink so.” 

She’s still figuring out how she managed that bit inparticular. The whole spell had been a blur of instinct andadrenaline, thrown together from several theories she had beenworking on in her spare time.

“ThenI am afraid I will have to decline.”

Selenesighs, and puts her hand back on the hilt of her sword. “I reallydon’t want to kill you.”

“Findingan alternative solution would be preferable,” He agrees. “Wecould discuss it over dinner if you would like.”

“I’mnot-” Selenes stomach lets out a loud rumbling noise before she canfinish turning down the invitation. “…I suppose a meal might notbe terrible.”

“Thankyou,” Dirthamen says, finally rising from his throne andapproaching her face to face. His hair is long and sleek and trailsbehind him, and the low rumble in his voice is more intense thisclose to him, sending a pleasant shiver through her as he bows hishead in a show of respect and says “I hope we will find an adequatearrangement that will please the both of us. I am willing to put inas much time to the project as you require of me.”