#didnt think i'd be here writing angst tonight

[necrostar]

Ah, another kick in the balls. He had been so hopeful that the possibility was there. The secrets of true freedom, of nothing but him, were in reach. How stupid he was to believe that. The stars in his eyes dimmed when the reality set in. Shattered like glass when he found out that not even the smallest morsel of closure could be given to him. He always prided himself on composure, this air of confidence and just not giving a shit about anything?

But he... He couldn't. Not when the bar he had was dropped to the hells below. In the back of his mind, there was a very acute awareness that other him was right. They were Zorc. They were the Thief King. They were their will made manifest. Now they were nothing but forgotten luggage.

"Tell me what you know." His eyes were clenched shut, tone waivering. "Anything. Please. I'll show my hand if you show yours. Please. I need to know." His voice wasn't angry. Not even sad. It was desperate. Give him something, anything, to justify himself. His existence. There was such a swell of emotions that couldn't be placed. Pinned on anyone or anything.

Please, his other self. Show him he's truly real.

"Exactly. They're gone-- but they didn't exactly leave without a trace." Like evicted roommates, leaving in a hurry, not bothering to bring all their belongings along with, leaving half-empty boxes and confusing remains. Fragments of memories here, disconnected emotions there...

At least if he had Zorc in his ear, he'd have someone to tie it all to.

Irritation softened as he learned of the other's lack of shadow magic-- knocking him off that bitter high horse that he'd placed the other on. "Zorc was the reason for our magic. We were Zorc. His whispering was our own-- his and the Thief's. And without him, we're..." He pursed his lips, letting his thoughts vanish. He didn't know why he was letting his dirty laundry air so freely-- maybe it was the other's eagerness to talk that compelled him. Maybe he was this eager all along-- thoughts begging to be spoken. But, why bother letting them out to anyone who would never understand?

"....Are you talking about the past, or the final game? One was when I was born, and the other was when I died-- so I'm afraid I can't offer you much of the later."

[tragedyposting]

rating ao3 tags

I was tagged by @supercantaloupe. thanks sach! this looks like a fun, fresh one :)

Tags generated here! Basically tldr; generate ten and rate them according to... with bonus points if you explain why. How much do these tags affect your decision to click on a fic? -10 -> very dissuaded 0 - don’t care either way +10 -> very enticed nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

OK so confession, I (also) don't read much fic. Basically I exclusively write fic (for me the draw of fanfic is in the act of creation) unless a friend sends me something they've written and want me to read or it crosses my dash and intrigues me, so I'm going to just kind of comment on how much the tropes/topics interest me in general as a fanfic writer or as a reader.

Friends-to-Lovers: +7. I am honestly not all that interest in sex/romance in fiction, I think its an overrated aspect of the human condition as far as fiction is concerned (not to say it doesn't have its place I just feel like we put waaay more importance on it than need be and as a result it oversaturates the way we engage w storytelling) but if I'm going to read a romance narrative I need them to like each other. I love couples who are equally viable platonically and i love couples with long histories that bond them closer.

Illnesses: 0? Or maybe like +5 with a caveat? This is highly context dependent bc I'm a sucker for caretaking and sickfic and I would def love to see more rep for chronic illness stuff but I don't think I'd want to read about like, slow terminal illness or anything like that its just too real/personal for me.

Relationship Reveal:-4. Yeah idk, having been in a relationship scenario where I had to keep it a secret in some contexts (for [her] closeted reasons) I can say I'm not really a big fan of the secret relationship thing. Been there, done that, not a fan. But I guess if you had a really interesting premise I'd do it.

Broadway: +10 I guess! I have written a nice dose of Broadway fic myself. Unless the tag implies its like, a story set in a Broadway theater? I wouldn't want that.

Elevators: 0. Idc I'm not claustrophobic so I guess thats not a problem but this is so niche.

Public Humiliation: -10 I'd rather die. If that's your kink I'm not judging but it is soooo not mine. I don't do secondhand embarrassment well.

Light-Hearted: +8. I prefer angst as a general reader most of the time but light-heartedness appeals to me in fanfic as a balm for the stress of high-stakes stories.

Acceptance: ? Idk what kind we are referring to here.

Coercion: -8 its not like a full-on trigger or anything but I find it very uncomfortable/unpleasant, even in a non-sexual context.

Poison: 0. I'm not booting up ao3 to search for poison-themed fics but its fine I guess?

Tagging @signawyvern @sofiyaalexandrovnarostova @windsweptlassie @crown-and-stallion @bratyakaramazovy and @jjesperr if you wanna! also if i didnt tag you but you wanna do it feel free to say I tagged you bc i cannot think of people's URLs tonight.

[thegeminisage]

it's time for. SIIIGH. a star trek update. on ummm feb 20 or whatever we did tng's "aquiel" and ds9's "q-less" (SIGH) and i didn't write an update because i was not very excited about those. and then we paused for a week to do natla. and then last night we did tng's "face of the enemy." ok.

aquiel (tng):

what's weird is that of the two episodes we watched that evening i actually did like this one better

that said it DID involve geordi being a little bit of a creep to the not-so-dead-girl though. when he brings up a fact about her he should not know it's JUST like leah brahams. granted it was actually his job this time to watch her diary and he SUPER thought she was dead but still. can you not open with that

i did like geordi taking his visor off though it's always cool when he gets to do that

i knew from the beginning something was Up with the dog but i didnt EXPECT THE DOG TO BE EVIL..................tng writers that is just heartless. not only is the real dog dead but the fake dog got killed too. you killed the dog twice. are you happy? do you feel proud of yourself? i fucking hate this show actually

nevermind idr anything else about this episode and i have now stopped caring

q-less (ds9):

i only found q tolerable ONE TIME. ONE TIME i found him tolerable and that was when he was drooling over picard who did not want to fuck him and it was the funniest thing i'd ever seen and every day i beg them to do it agaiun but they won't. you know who's not in ds9? picard! so get q out of here!!

this felt way too much like a tng episode for my tastes. i decided i don't like that chocolate in that peanut butter.

vash hot though. whew! you slap some crow's feet on a woman and i swoon instantly

vash rubbing ferengi ears like lwaxana troi made me have ptsd flashbacks to the episode with the ha ha funny rape. no fucking thank you

honestly, does sisko need to be dealing with picard's past lays and guy who wishes he could be a present lay? picard killed his wife. give the man a break

that said i DO think q and vash were fucking purely because that's as close as q can get to fucking picard. disgusting.

anyway 0/10 except for vash's wrinkles

face of the enemy (tng):

THEY MENTIONED SPOCK IN THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! boy i sure sat up straight fast

deanna racefaking as a romulan AGAINST HER WILL...could they not have just asked. could they not have asked like literally ANYBODY. like she was so underprepared. that said i loved that she actually got to do stuff

the fucking guy in this was tosk or whoever from ds9...he looked SO familiar but i feel like i know him from somewhere else too

my fav part of this ep besides the spock mentions of course was the fact that the romulan commander deanna was up against seemed like a genuinely good person who had been hurt by the empire. like deanna was very much the bad guy here. imagine if some starfleet bigwig took kirk's ship away and used it to kill 18 people, you know? the outside pov vibe was kind of a slay actually

kind of a bummer to do all this angsting about romulus and helping the defectors and everything when quite literally it's gonna blow up in like...what, less than 20 years now, right? yeah. i mean if a romulan had a baby right now that baby wouldn't even live to be old enough to drink. obviously they had no idea when they were making all this but it's THAT VERY FACT that kind of makes me fucking nuts. please smuggle more people out of there. get them out now while you can. but they don't know. and it's not dramatic irony that they don't know like in real life nobody making this KNOWS. AAAAAAA

TONIGHT: ds9's "dax" and tng's "tapestry."