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theauthorunicorn · 7 years ago

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Inevitable - Part 11 | Shawn Mendes x Reader

Series Abstract:

Reader is an actress and was about to attend her boyfriend’s concert, Shawn’s when she met her inevitable fate.

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Inevitable Master Post

** Italics serves as flashback/memory.

Reader

The third day passed my eyes were still closed.

I'm sorry.

Shawn

My foot embarked in the stadium with my phone intertwined with my hand. I am waiting for a text, not the one saying good luck. But something from Y/N's mother saying she finally woke up. I haven't received any ever since I left the hospital. I am having a peculiar feeling that she's not awake from her three day slumber. And here I am backstage with a couple hundred of screaming fans for my concert - it felt like the day when she told me that she'll be seeing me at my concert when an inevitable fate meet my girl.

She was standing backstage engrossed with her phone and a book she was binge reading. The book was set between her arms and her body. I guess she was texting someone or plausibly she's just checking out her Instagram, this was my first concert after we spilled to the world that we are over being best friends. We received complements and a couple of hates. But, I don't personally care and so she does. Her eyes finally laid on me when she stopped scribbling whatever she was typing over her phone, she smiled.

I stood up parallel against her like what happened in Japan, I started walking towards her as I uttered some words, "Are you ditching your boyfriend's concert over that book?" I joked.

"I don't know, Mr. Mendes, this is far more beautiful than the man standing in front of me." she said while laughing as she lifted her book. I noticed her magnetic bookmark was halfway from the book cover and as far as I remembered, she started reading that book just this morning.

"You're almost done?" I asked her.

"With what?" she asked as her eyebrows furrowed. I must really say this, most of the time we're talking quarter of it makes her brows arched, it's either she's confused or annoyed.

"The book."

"Yeah, I'm in the third November 9." she expressed happily, I smiled as if I know what she's talking about because I know she gave me the excerpt of that book and asked me to read it.

"Y/N sighed," she uttered instead of making the gestures, "I hate it that you're pretending to like slash interested with my book thought."

I swallowed hard, "I am interested, love. I'll be reading that as soon as you finished." I embraced her slowly as I planted a kiss in her temple. "Thank you for dropping by tonight." I can hear her breath as she chuckled a little.

Her gripped was tighter the second I thanked her, indicating a reply from my gratitude, "I guess, this is what a girlfriend should do when your boyfriend is Shawn Mendes."

I laughed at her thoughts. She just labeled herself as my girlfriend.

Andrew walked passed to us, "Okay lovebirds, time to split up. We have a show to kill." I nodded at him as Y/N loose herself over me.

"Well, good luck, my love. I will stay somewhere with Andrew and I know he'll give me a good spot." she said as she planted a soft kiss against my lips she walked away following Andrew's footsteps.

But at this time no kiss to say good luck. The last one I had was a kiss to seal my goodbye.

Reader

I wonder if I woke up can I still remember this state that I had for the past three days.

I hated myself for reading so much romance novel that I don't have any idea what it was like dying in a book felt like because if I did, it'll be a glimpse of hope of what I am right now. But, I guess, reading romantic novels made my relationship with Shawn more exciting and funny because I told him the things I read and loved and somehow, sometimes, he managed mimicking it to please my appetite. He sometimes arranged his hair like how fictional boyfriends do. Held my hands in a way that it looked so familiar that I knew I've read it before. He's taking notes and paying much attention to what I am reading and talking to him. He even called me once, "You're so fucking beautiful", a line with a trace of a highlighter in a page of the book I was reading and he told me that in front of my parents as we we're about to head out for a date. My parents and I we're stoned from where we are standing and I laughed so hard as soon as he finished his complement. He said he didn't regret any of it - since it was the "perfect" words, as he said, to describe my physicality at that time and that was the first and the last time he swear in front of my parents. He swears a lot and I am not complaining because it makes him much hotter than the sun.

These were some of the things I missed with Shawn. We've been away for a month from each other and the moment I could smell and breathe him is the moment that fates of the ancient Greece directed my own fate that night.

Shawn

I inhaled deep as I am about to immerse myself at the stage.

Reader

I inhaled deeply to occupy my lungs.

Shawn

I closed my eyes as I whispered, "Breathe, Y/N. Breathe. Your lungs needed air."

Reader

Breathe. I instructed myself. Breathe yourself to life.

Shawn

Even if we're miles apart, wake up for me Y/N, wake up for me.

Reader

Breathe.

Shawn

The show is about to start.

Reader

I close my eyes and set my focus to live. Breathe.

Shawn

I smiled as the crowd cheered for me. I fixed my hair through my bare hand and started strumming the guitar after it furnished my hair.

Reader

I can see the light. Finally.

Shawn

Flashes from their camera are blinding.

Reader

Breathe for the last time, I instructed myself.

I opened my eyes with a blinding light above me. I blinked to adjust to whatever intensity that light bulb is beaming. I inhaled deep as I managed to move my head to my right.

"Mom?" I said audibly.

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foursprout-blog · 7 years ago

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Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/why-waiting-until-25-to-lose-my-virginity-was-the-best-decision-i-couldve-made/

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

Masaaki Komori / Unsplash

In Amy Poehler’s memoir, Yes Please, she wrote, “Keep your virginity for as long as you can, until it starts to feel weird to you. Then just get it over with. Try not to have your first time in a car.” The average age women have sex for the first time is 17. At 25, I’d gone through high school, college, graduate school, and was a professor but had never done the deed – in a car or otherwise. It felt very very weird to me to be my age without ever having done it. I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it so badly. I obsessed over sex by constantly reading about it in memoirs, magazine articles, and novels. I watched TV shows and movies to gobble it all up and learn as much as I could. I fantasized about sex. I talked about it and wrote about it.

But I never had it. And I couldn’t “get it over with” even if I wanted to.

Let me be clear – I do not subscribe to the idea of “losing one’s virginity” because it defines sex as man-woman, penis-vagina penetration, which is narrow and exclusive, and who’s losing what and who’s winning what exactly? It just feels like yet another way to shame women. But I appreciated Poehler’s advice nonetheless. It made me feel a bit better about not having done it yet.

As a chronically-single woman in her mid-twenties, weddings have never been my thing, but I looked forward to going to my friends’ wedding in South Korea. The couple, Matt and Ga Young, were more like family than friends and I loved them more than my own self-pity.

There are 6,927 miles between Austin, Texas, and Seoul, South Korea. When we landed in Incheon, we had traveled for over 30 hours, gone through airport security in three countries, and crossed the International Date Line. I was sweaty and tired and desperately wanted to change my underwear.

Once we got our luggage, Matt found his friend, Jack, who was joining us for the wedding and had also just landed from Vietnam.

When the four of us arrived at our Airbnb, we took turns taking showers and getting ready to go out. I’m not sure if it was because he was greasy from his travels or if I was so focused on getting a shower I didn’t notice, but it wasn’t until after we all got cleaned up when I realized how attractive Jack was. He was tall, had a great smile, and a swagger in his step. He wore tight jeans tucked into boots and a tee-shirt that read, “Never Give Up.”

Matt and Ga Young lead us through the streets of Seoul while we took photos of the mismatched neon lights and remnants of ancient architecture nestled between urban skyscrapers. Jack asked me to help him with a few of his camera settings, claiming his photography skills were rusty. He teased me by calling the settings by his own layman’s terms – for example, referring to “shutter speed” as “exposure time.” As a filmmaker and an academic, that kind of nerdy humor tickled me.

We ate dinner at a barbeque restaurant where Matt and Ga Young taught Jack and me Korean dining customs. The youngest person at the table has to serve everyone else’s drinks and turn away whenever she takes a sip. The youngest person happened to be me. Jack enjoyed making me serve everyone. He also playfully reminded me to look away from them every time I drank. I couldn’t help but enjoy the attention.

After dinner, we returned to the convenience store outside our Airbnb. Matt bought us a bottle of Soju – Korea’s most popular liquor, which also happens to taste like watered down rubbing alcohol. He invited a group of older Korean men sitting at a table close by to join us. Only one of them came over. His name was Yante and called himself the “King of the Neighborhood.” He didn’t speak a word of English, so he made Ga Young translate back and forth.

While everyone else was chatting, Jack and I took the opportunity to get to know each other better. He had moved to Vietnam about a year before to chase his roots. He was smart, funny, and had a massive appetite for adventure.

The group caught on to our connection. Yante turned to Jack and pinched his thumb and pointer finger together to make a heart shape with his fingertips. With his other hand, he pointed to Jack and me and said something in Korean. Ga Young laughed, “He’s asking if you’re in love.” Jack shook his head, brushing it off, “No, we’re just friends.”

Ga Young translated Yante’s reply:

“That’s how it always starts.”

The next morning, Matt and Ga Young had a long list of things they needed to do to prepare for the wedding, so Jack joined me on my self-guided tour through Seoul. We were in our own little world, talking and walking for miles between sites. I was blown away by the beauty that surrounded us but couldn’t appreciate it fully because I was distracted by how desperately I wanted him to kiss me.

And finally, when we were in Insadong – Seoul’s “Bohemian quarter” – Jack pulled me down an alleyway and planted one on me. The rest of the day we visited temples, parks, and shopping centers, talking, flirting, and making out in tucked away corners. I was Eat-Pray-Loving my way through South Korea!

That night, we met Matt and Ga Young to go bar hopping. Jack and I were leaning against the bar waiting for our drinks, and he started asking me about my relationship history.

Jack asked, “How many boyfriends have you had?”

I shook my head, “None.”

“Really?”

I shrugged, “Yeah, it’s just never worked out for me.”

“Well when’s the last time you had sex?”

It could have been the alcohol in my system or because I had vacation-brain, but I felt like being very – very – honest. “Sex? I’ve never had any.”

He choked on his beer, “What?!”

At this point, my speech felt pretty rehearsed. I explained it to a lot of guys who didn’t and will never understand. One guy laughed in my face. Another promised to call me and never spoke to me again. Another texted me the next day to say he couldn’t date me anymore because sex was “too important” to him. All I knew was rejection, and I was pretty sure I was going to die alone after a long, loveless and sexless life. But if Jack was mean or hurtful or just not interested in me anymore, I wouldn’t have to see him ever again – he literally lived on the opposite side of the world. Plus, I would have a little buffer room for the next couple of days. I had planned to break off from the group and go to Busan – Korea’s second largest city – by myself before the wedding.

I didn’t have anything to lose.

I told him, “I have a pelvic floor condition called vaginismus. The muscles in and around my vagina involuntarily contract, so sex is really difficult – actually, it’s been impossible so far.”

“So, is there treatment for that?” He asked.

“Yes, I’ve been going to pelvic floor physical therapy for a few years. I’m in a really good place, I think I could do it.” Without having a partner, it was sometimes difficult to measure my progress in physical therapy, but I had recently been able to use what my physical therapist described as a “penis-sized” dilator.

Without skipping a beat, he offered, “I’ll take your virginity.”

Then we both burst out laughing. I was totally thrown off-guard. I was staring into the big brown eyes of this gorgeous, smart guy who was smiling back at me after I just admitted to being a 25-year-old virgin. He wasn’t turned off or put off or intimidated. He was still into me, he could see past this. I didn’t think anyone ever would.

I excused myself to go to the restroom so I could take a second to absorb what just happened. His response was so supportive and compassionate and sexy. I couldn’t believe it. I was going to have sex!

As I washed my hands, Jack burst into the women’s room, pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard. “I want to go to Busan with you tomorrow.”

The next morning, Jack met me at Seoul Station. As soon as we took our seats on the train, I wondered, WHAT THE HELL am I thinking?! I only met this guy 36-hours ago, and now we’re traveling in a foreign country together. Neither of us speaks the language. I’ve agreed to share my Airbnb with him and we’re planning on having sex.

I am definitely going to be murdered.

I didn’t even know if I could have sex, but, based on his reaction the night before, I felt like he would be understanding if I couldn’t. He was the first potential partner that I really felt like was taking a chance with me, rather than just seeing how far he could get.

Our Airbnb was a small, adorable studio apartment in a high-rise with floor to ceiling windows overlooking an incredible view of Busan’s most popular beach.

We started making out and he lead me to the bed. He lifted my dress up to my chest and removed my Spanx. We found that too much fingering and oral hurt after a bit. He asked if we should “just do it,” and I nodded. LET’S DO IT. So he rummaged in his bag for a condom. I told him to insert himself with my inhale as I was taught in physical therapy. I took a deep breath and he slipped inside.

It wasn’t like how I expected. I didn’t feel even an ounce of self-consciousness about my body. I didn’t worry about any of the sounds I was making – or not making. I didn’t feel like I was doing it wrong or that I needed to perform.

It was beautiful and amazing and perfect. I did have some pain, but he took his time and made sure I was ok along the way.

I held him tight as he finished and then I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. It was so overwhelming and I was so happy.

I thought of all the times guys rejected me for not being able to have sex and broke my heart. Or the times I left doctors’ offices in tears with no answers. How completely hopeless I felt after weeks and months and years of physical therapy.

Jack told me that it was “intense and really special.” He said he’d never forget it. He kissed me, gently ran his fingers through my hair and whispered, “You’re worth a little patience.”

That’s all I’d ever wanted: for someone to like me enough, to believe that I was worth the wait.

I had written off ever falling in love, getting married, or having kids, because having a functioning vagina seems to be a prerequisite for all those things. But now it felt possible.

The rest of our trip was incredible. Jack and I spent another magical day in Busan, which I now consider my favorite city in the world. We later met the rest of the wedding party in Ga Young’s hometown of Daegu. I loved every moment getting to know Matt and Ga Young’s families. Their wedding was the most beautiful event I’ve ever witnessed and I cried the entire time, even though the ceremony was done completely in Korean and I didn’t understand a single word of it.

For a few months after I got back home, Jack and I talked on the phone for hours every day. Even with the 12-hour time difference between Austin and Ho Chi Mihn City, we managed to always be in touch. I cried over him a lot. I shamelessly belt out Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” in my car more than I’d care to admit.

When I told people that it finally happened, they’d say, “Congratulations!” and then immediately take it back, worried that it was an inappropriate response. I’d assure them that it was the only response when someone achieves a goal she has been working very hard at for a very long time.

I knew that the act of having sex wasn’t going to change me; it wasn’t going to make me a better, more complete person. For me, it was really all about connecting with someone in a way I never have before – in a way all my peers were able to and I couldn’t.

I’ve heard a lot of my friends’ stories about their first times – and most of them were pretty terrible. I wish we didn’t put so much emphasis on the idea of “losing one’s virginity” and shaming those who “keep it” longer than average. I wish we taught girls to start having sex when they’re physically, emotionally, and mentally ready, rather than feeding them all kinds of contradictory messages that create timelines and deadlines – like “wait for marriage” or “hooking up is an important part of the college experience.” I think my experience was so great because I was listening to my body, being brave, taking a chance, and being exactly, precisely, 100% true to myself.

If I ever meet Amy Poehler, and I really hope I do, I’m going to tell her that I listened to her advice and did not have sex for the first time in a car. But, I’m really glad that I didn’t just “get it over with,” because my first time was absolutely worth the wait.

#Happiness

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 7 years ago

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Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/why-waiting-until-25-to-lose-my-virginity-was-the-best-decision-i-couldve-made-2/

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

Drew Wilson

But I never had it. And I couldn’t “get it over with” even if I wanted to.

Once we got our luggage, Matt found his friend, Jack, who was joining us for the wedding and had also just landed from Vietnam.

Ga Young translated Yante’s reply:

“That’s how it always starts.”

That night, we met Matt and Ga Young to go bar hopping. Jack and I were leaning against the bar waiting for our drinks, and he started asking me about my relationship history.

Jack asked, “How many boyfriends have you had?”

I shook my head, “None.”

“Really?”

I shrugged, “Yeah, it’s just never worked out for me.”

“Well when’s the last time you had sex?”

It could have been the alcohol in my system or because I had vacation-brain, but I felt like being very – very – honest. “Sex? I’ve never had any.”

He choked on his beer, “What?!”

I didn’t have anything to lose.

“So, is there treatment for that?” He asked.

Without skipping a beat, he offered, “I’ll take your virginity.”

As I washed my hands, Jack burst into the women’s room, pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard. “I want to go to Busan with you tomorrow.”

I am definitely going to be murdered.

Our Airbnb was a small, adorable studio apartment in a high-rise with floor to ceiling windows overlooking an incredible view of Busan’s most popular beach.

It was beautiful and amazing and perfect. I did have some pain, but he took his time and made sure I was ok along the way.

I held him tight as he finished and then I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. It was so overwhelming and I was so happy.

Jack told me that it was “intense and really special.” He said he’d never forget it. He kissed me, gently ran his fingers through my hair and whispered, “You’re worth a little patience.”

That’s all I’d ever wanted: for someone to like me enough, to believe that I was worth the wait.

I had written off ever falling in love, getting married, or having kids, because having a functioning vagina seems to be a prerequisite for all those things. But now it felt possible.

#Happiness

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foursprout-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/why-waiting-until-25-to-lose-my-virginity-was-the-best-decision-i-couldve-made-2/

Why Waiting Until 25 To Lose My Virginity Was The Best Decision I Could’ve Made

Drew Wilson

But I never had it. And I couldn’t “get it over with” even if I wanted to.

Once we got our luggage, Matt found his friend, Jack, who was joining us for the wedding and had also just landed from Vietnam.

Ga Young translated Yante’s reply:

“That’s how it always starts.”

That night, we met Matt and Ga Young to go bar hopping. Jack and I were leaning against the bar waiting for our drinks, and he started asking me about my relationship history.

Jack asked, “How many boyfriends have you had?”

I shook my head, “None.”

“Really?”

I shrugged, “Yeah, it’s just never worked out for me.”

“Well when’s the last time you had sex?”

It could have been the alcohol in my system or because I had vacation-brain, but I felt like being very – very – honest. “Sex? I’ve never had any.”

He choked on his beer, “What?!”

I didn’t have anything to lose.

“So, is there treatment for that?” He asked.

Without skipping a beat, he offered, “I’ll take your virginity.”

As I washed my hands, Jack burst into the women’s room, pushed me against the wall and kissed me hard. “I want to go to Busan with you tomorrow.”

I am definitely going to be murdered.

Our Airbnb was a small, adorable studio apartment in a high-rise with floor to ceiling windows overlooking an incredible view of Busan’s most popular beach.

It was beautiful and amazing and perfect. I did have some pain, but he took his time and made sure I was ok along the way.

I held him tight as he finished and then I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. It was so overwhelming and I was so happy.

Jack told me that it was “intense and really special.” He said he’d never forget it. He kissed me, gently ran his fingers through my hair and whispered, “You’re worth a little patience.”

That’s all I’d ever wanted: for someone to like me enough, to believe that I was worth the wait.

I had written off ever falling in love, getting married, or having kids, because having a functioning vagina seems to be a prerequisite for all those things. But now it felt possible.

#Happiness

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