#did i mention i suck at reviewing I'm very easy to please

[thegirlwiththelilactattoo]

no. 2, or some of my favorite things of 2022

Uh oh, did I say I was gonna blog weekly and now it's been 4 months? My bad!

In the time since I last posted I: started writing my diss/was told to stop writing my diss to do data analysis, completed fieldwork, added another member to my committee, and got accepted to two conferences. This is sweeping over a lot of things that sucked a lot and I'll need to talk about in therapy for the next 5 or so years, but that's grad school, babes. All in all it's been an incredibly stressful semester. I am really looking forward to having a restful break in December focusing on writing a chapter in December!

I also decided to turn this into a catch all blog for My Thoughts outside of academic things! And since it's the end of the year, I'm doing a lil favorite things of 2022.

Various Academic Things

Data analysis: I looked at other qualitative data softwares and chose to use ATLAS.ti for my dissertation. I am a...let's just say neurodivergent person and ATLAS.ti was the most aesthetically pleasing and intuitive software for me. It has a ton of features and data analysis capabilities, most of which I've barely used, but the ones I've tried have been useful.

Writing: I'm basic. I use Scrivener. It confuses me. I don't know if I recommend it.

Scheduling: I highly recommend Calendly. I should have used it from the jump to schedule dissertation interviews instead of going back and forth over email with my interlocutors. Now that I'm done with interviews, I use Calendly for students to schedule office hours appts. I like the Zoom and calendar integration, so once the link is sent, it's very hands off on my end.

Coworking: Re: the whole neurodivergence thing, coworking has been a real boon for me. My friend and I have a standing cowork session on Friday and it's been a great time for us to catch up and suffer through school stuff together. We keep each other accountable during our lil pomodoros and I miraculously get work done.

Going to the Writing Center??? I recently started going to my school's writing center for feedback on my applications and it's been so helpful.

Music

Beyoncé Gisele Knowles has run my life this year. "Renaissance" is the best album of 2022. I've also been running up "Currents" by Tame Impala for the entirety of this year and I don't see that changing in 2023.

Honorable Mentions: "Running Away" by VANO3000, "Them Changes" by Thundercat, "Eastside" by DAISY (RIP to such a good band)

Playlists I've Been Loving: roslyn rainy day kinda vibe, sad girl starter pack

Shows/Movies

Depression has sort of ruined my ability to consume visual media. And for the better part of the last decade, I have enjoyed and perhaps made it "a personality" to watch bad movies. I noticed this year that I became afraid (in a sense) to let myself watch movies that were good. It's a weird thing. My goal for next year is to get comfortable watching things that are good. I want to watch movies that make me feel something instead of solely engaging with a film because it's awful. That just doesn't speak to me anymore as a fulfilling way of being in the world.

At any rate, the most impactful movie I saw this year was Everything Everywhere All At Once. I saw this movie four times in the theatre and each time I got something new from it. It made me cry and laugh and feel like I could try to hope in a life that often feels meaningless.

Honorable Mentions: Bram Stokers Dracula dir. Francis Ford Coppola, The Batman dir. Matt Reeves, The Menu dir. Mark Mylod

Recipes

I have been LOVING this Kale Walnut Salad from frommybowl. It's super easy to make, refreshing, and is perfect to take advantage of really good apples.

Honorable Mentions: I've gotten rave reviews on this pumpkin bread.

Beauty/Aesthetics

This past year, I have finally mastered the wash and go. I used to be a twists girlie, but wash and gos last longer and look better on my hair. I think my hair is also the healthiest it's ever been. It's hard to pick a single product that I've loved the most for my hair, but the duo supreme is: Uncle Funky's Daughter Curly Magic and Innersense I Create Hold for a perfect wash and go every time.

Honorable Mentions: Sol de Janeiro Brazilian Crush Cheirosa 71 Perfume Mist, elf Brow Lift, ILIA The Necessary Eyeshadow Palette in Warm Nude

I think that's everything???? Sadly, I have read nary a book for leisure, but that's something for future me to ruminate on. I hope this was moderately interesting and I will try!!! to not take 4 months to post another thing :)

[poetryandquotery]

Book Review: Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

1/20/23

SPOILERS: Red Queen

Okay I LOVED this book. Like...I finished it and immediately ordered the next three books. (They're not coming in for another week and I'm furious but it's fine.)

I was hesitant to start this book because of how reminiscent it was of the early to mid 2010's YA dystopia era, but I decided to give it a shot anyway, and I am so glad that I did.

Right away the story is compelling. You are just sucked into Mare's world, and she's easy to sympathize with. She's a fighter, and while she does fit a lot of the overplayed "strong female protagonist" archetypes, it somehow works. The writing style is smooth and really allows you to feel Mare's thoughts, anxieties, and trauma throughout the story. My favorite thing about Mare is how crafty she is. Victoria Aveyard herself said that Mare is a Slytherin, and that both comes across and is so well done. She's not likable, she's not perfect, and she's not instantly loved by anyone and everyone who meets her. She hurts people and they don't instantly forgive her. She screws up and people get hurt. It's incredible.

My biggest problem with the story was actually something that was later resolved. About halfway through the book, I mentioned to a friend of mine that none of the potential love interests felt like truly compelling relationships. I felt very lukewarm about all three boys, especially Maven, despite the fact that at that point in the book, he seemed like the one she was going to end up with. Even after the kiss with Cal, though, I still wasn't that into him as an option either. I was wondering (hoping) that she would just end up without a partner, as she seemed inexperienced in the world of romance and none of the relationships were that good anyway.

However, when the plot twist came, my jaw dropped. I did NOT see that coming and it caught me completely off-guard. Aveyard knows how to write an exciting climax, because after that I could not put the book down until I was done.

My biggest issues with books often surround the romantic relationships, and I was relieved to find that Cal and Mare didn't just instantly fall into each other's arms, and from what I've read of the second book, it seems like it will be a slow growing back together between the two of them, which I am excited to read and glad to see happen. I don't think Aveyard would let Mare be forgiven that easily.

Overall: 5/5

Manifest my books getting here faster, please

[ravencl-awh]

july 5th, 2021

okay this will be kinda long since i'll be talking a bit of my day, answering some of @myhoneststudyblr 's summer study challenge, plus a review and a lil talk about the book above. i'll answer the challenge questions first and under the cut will be the review and my talking of my day if you're interested!

july 1st - what are your plans for the summer?

originally i was going to try for my driver's license but i've decided to until i'm 18 since i can't even bring a car to my college campus 😂 instead of learning how to drive, i actually need to brush up on my bike-riding to get around. for now, i'm just trying to catch up on things that have been prolonged, such as getting an ID card, renewing my passport, and opening a bank account.

july 2nd - do you have a specific goal for this summer?

perhaps it's not a lot as others but i want to read 20 books overall this summer. i'm 5 books in already!

july 3rd - do you have a lot of work to do for school, university, or your job this summer?

not at all 😂 i have nothing actually

july 4th - what is the most important task that you need to complete this summer?

i need to get my real ID card this summer bc i kinda got nothing right now haha

july 5th - do you have any special plans or activities for this summer?

nope, none, zilch, nada

okay here's the part where i talk a little about my day haha. today one of my RPG sites "launched". the way these sites are made are that someone has an idea for a site based off a fandom and they pitch the site to those who code and manage them. then when they give the okay, they and others who join on the project have to raise a certain amount of money to launch and go public on the internet. and today, World of Monarchs, a RPG site based off the CW show Reign launched and i'm really, really happy about it! a bunch of people from this community joined today and i'm just having such a fun time right now. i literally cannot wait to see how this site grows and all the fun backstabbing roleplays that will be written! book review: (the curious incident of the dog in the night-time by mark haddon)

haha okay so, this is like my third time reading this book? i started rereading it a few months ago, but stopped and i finished it on the 29th of last month. i've had this book for around 4 years now, which is why the outline of the dog is so tattered. the book is wonderfully written, the main character being a boy named christopher boone who, while not explicitly said to be, has traits associated with autism. christopher's mother is dead and he lives alone with his father, but one night, his neighbor's dog wellington is found dead. christopher takes it upon himself to find out the killer as if he were a detective in a mystery novel while writing a book about it as well.

often the main "conflict" of the novel is not quite the situation of the dog and his parents, but christopher himself. he has a lot of troubles when around other people, and a lot of his interactions with others is what makes up a lot of the story and his journey. while yes, this proves to be difficult, christopher also shows multiple layers of himself that the reader gets to know about as they read his writing that one might not usually know if they were just talking to him. he has a love for math which is why the chapters are all numbered in prime numbers. he has a pet rat who he takes care of well and he knows what he does and doesn't like (he doesn't like yellow and i 100% agree christopher, i 100% agree.) one thing i like about the book is how there are a lot of pictures/diagrams. christopher thinks very logically and explains everything very thoroughly, which makes it easier for the reader to see through his perspective. i will admit though, i did skip a lot of the diagrams just because i don't have to brainpower nor the intelligence to actually figure them out or follow along with his thought process in these parts. i am horrid at math.

haddon has an amazing way of showing his character's speaking patterns and ways of thinking in his writing, as shown in the diagrams, how christopher makes connections that make the most sense to him and how a lot of the sentences start with "and". perhaps it's not the most grammatically correct but it fits with christopher. it all seems very personal which is great because it's supposed to have been written by main character!

it's a good read overall, but this will be one of the books i'll be selling to a used bookstore soon!

rating: ✩✩✩

[purekesseltrash]

This is my final ask talking about BTD so it has to be perfect, I literally created a google doc so I wouldnt fuck it up before I sent it

Shoji replaying a song over and over while doing a task reminded me of when I listened to “Ophelia” by The Lumineers on repeat while drinking coffee on my kitchen counter and lemme tell ya, I’ve been chasing that high ever since

Yeah knowing you'd have *some* family but not all of them after coming out sucks major ass but its the truth, I'm ever so grateful that the only person who would react negatively that I know would be my maternal Grandmother whos a narcissistic bitch who I haven't spoken to in years so like, i dont give a shit what she thinks but I know that it would be hard on Shoji seeing how family oriented he is in this story and him knowing his relationships with his siblings and parents would be rocky makes my heart break for him

OOOOO BITCHHHHHH HES TEXTING HIMMMMMMM

That went over a lot smoother than I thought it would, I mean i'm incredibly happy that they’re like, getting together, but I honestly expected it to be more drawn out

Awww Tokoyami getting their as fast as he could and Shoji being soft for domestic Tokoyami

Sweet jesus I can relate to Shoji just randomly thanking his friend for being his friend, the amount of times I’ve wanted to just ominously text my friends a “thank you for everything” is too many to count

I LOVE GRITTY, HE REMINDS ME OF MY CAT WHOS A MAINE COON (his names Chewie if you're interested)

I knew Mic would suck at cooking, its just so him

I practically squealed at Shoji changing Tokoyami’s contact name to Fumikage

Okay, little background story, I keep a list in my notes app of headcanons for Tokoyami and literally one of them on there says word for word “Dogs absolutely love him and he loves them right back” so im SO GLAD you made him a dog person, making him a cat person seems like the easy route

LAWYER MOM IS INTRODUCED i honestly didn't picture her as a blonde but now I see it

Tokoyami’s mom being incredibly enthusiastic reminds me a lot of my mom, she always get excited when people have pride flags hanging up and suggested we get a pride flag so that made me appreciate my mama more than I already have been

I swear to god my eyes got as big as saucers hearing the part about cheesecake because I'm from New Hartford and forgot Hartford was a different city.

I can just picture Aizawa SLAMMING the brakes and whipping his head around, hair flying, as he looks at Shoji

“And he let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding” how much more cliche could you get, not gonna lie that made me laugh

All right I have to confess something. I've skipped every transcript of Put Your Sticks Up because I was impatient and wanted to get to the story. Now you know my biggest secret, I always felt bad but would get frustrated cause I wanted to hear ‘bout my boys.

The last precious worm ask! I am finally on my laptop so I can give this the proper attention.

Ngl, when my head isn't working, I will just put on one song and play it over and over and over and over and over until something comes into my head. My ShinOji fic 'Gold Rush' came from that. Still not sure how I managed to make a somewhat decent fic out of a song about gentrification but my mind is a wild and wonderful place.

Yeah, Shouji goes through it with his family. One thing that I can say though is that as Shouji starts to get more and more successful with his art, Tokoyami starts to spitefully send articles and reviews written on his work to his parent's house. He never gets a response but doesn't expect to, he just feels like they should see how amazing their son is, goddamnit. The one day, a letter comes back. Tokoyami opens it, expecting it to be them telling him to knock it off and instead, one of the pictures has been sent back with 'This is beautiful' written in pen, an arrow pointing to one of his vases. Tokoyami then has to show it to Shouji and explain what he did. Shouji cries basically all night. That starts a very, very tenuous back and forth with his mom.

Gonna put the rest of this under a break because it's gonna be long

You should have seen my first outline if you thought this was quick with them figuring it out. Basically, the only reason that Tokoyami broke it off in the first place was because he didn't see that there was a chance of it working. They worked so well otherwise. Amazing chemistry, complimentary senses of humor, Tokoyami didn't want to break it off at all. He just felt like he had to because otherwise they were both going to get more hurt. So when Shouji was like 'okay, but actually I do want to try this', he was all in.

Ojiro is legit Shouji's first real friend. Which is really really sad given that they met when they were eighteen but Shouji never really got a chance to do anything normal.

Maine Coons rule and Chewie is an excellent name for them. I was going to name their cat after Marie Phillipe Poulin, the greatest women's hockey player ever, but I decided that Gritty would be funnier. Mic as a bad cook is deeply satisfying, I picture him being like me, just all 'okay but I just do enough to make something to survive on and uh.... who needs all the details and stuff'.

The name change actually came from my beta. They asked why his contact was still Western Civ Tutor in the beginning of the chapter and I was like 'oooo, great way to show how they have changed'.

And maaaaaaaaaan. I'm sorry but how is someone who is a bird gonna like a cat. Nah. Tokoyami is a dog person. They do go on to get a dog. They were going to get a Shiba Inu or something catlike until Kenta came through with a hound puppy that he'd found in the rain while on his route and just dumps it in Shouji's lap like 'Surprise!'. They name it Lu after Roberto Luongo, famed goalie. The dog is a goddamned menace and Shouji ends up having to take it to classes and learn about dog training so they can all keep their sanity. He ends up loving Lu the most. (I do some part time dog training so I had to throw that in)

Tokoyami dyes his hair. He's actually a mousy blond under the dye like his mama. And yeah, my parents are hella supportive too. I figured it would be healthy for one of them to have accepting parents.

Aizawa was pretty pissed, ngl. For all that he should know better, he got caught up in the same shit that coaches tend to slip into, which is a responsibility because they have someone with potential that they must mold and then when they go on to do amazing things, they can feel a part of it. But then he realizes where he fucked up and how he was so busy seeing Shouji the hockey player that he couldn't see Shouji the person.

Listen, it's my fanfic, so I'm gonna get as cheesy as I damn well please. I'd written a super cheesy ending for the end of 'Black Sun' and was waffling on keeping it until somebody was like 'it's a fic, be as cheesy as you want'. I can has my cheese, as a treat.

WHAT IN THE FUCK WORM. HOW CONFUSED HAVE YOU BEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME?!?!?! this legit made me laugh out loud when I read it. GO BACK AND READ MIC'S SHOW!!! I set up so much stuff to try and prepare the reader to understand the emotional stakes, not to mention the basic facts of hockey! That being said, I get the feeling.

Thank you for this last super mega grande worm ask, sorry that it took me so long, I wanted to be able to give it my full attention. <3

[shinahbee]

November Favorites 2020!

 Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing?  I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                           Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed   , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties  and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of  the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building  between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading?  but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him  and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another.  in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                             Anime/ Drama

  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------                                         

Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

-------------------------------------------------------------------

                             Music

--------------------------------------------------------------------       

i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

------------------------------------------------------------------------

so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

---------------------------------------------

     Social media      

Devianatart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

[linkispink1995]

Better as friends (18) worlds worst dinner party

Previously

Series Masterlist

Chapter warnings :language, mentions of alchohol, mentions of being abandoned (barely)

A/N : this chapter gives a little glimpse into Alison's backstory and it's the first time I've written anything like it , so let me know what you though

~~~~

It was a cold and icy Christmas eve in Indianapolis one of the coldest winters the city had ever seen , the streets were beautifully decorated and the children all asleep as the awaited the highly anticipated jolly old St. Nick. Except one , in the Martin home there were two daughters Beatrice the oldest who had a long day including a nutcracker performance and making cookies with her mother and younger sister Alison. Alison was the youngest daughter unlike her sister Beatrice she the more creative and artistic one who preferred to be inside and color which was something she was very goo at especially for being five. Alison quietly creeped down the stairs before peeking into the formal living room where the beautiful decorated Christmas tree was. Since Mrs. Martin takes pride in how her home looks , seeing that there were no gifts and the stockings were still empty Alison tiptoed into the kitchen for a small glass of water only to find her mother sitting at the kitchen island. The same kitchen island they would eat blueberry pancakes and decorate ginger bread , but her mother didn't look like the same woman who was cheering and applauding her first born at the ballet earlier or the one that would read the night before Christmas by the fire place as her daughters fell asleep on the father's lap. Instead she had mascara running down her cheeks and a glass of wine in her hand and wasn't even acknowledging the dog that the girls had woken up to last Christmas with a bright red bow on him. What made it worst was she was practically devouring Santa's cookies , Alison frowned before saying "mommy". Kathrine didn't even turn around she just stayed quiet in the dark kitchen before saying "what Alison" Alison spoke again saying "where's daddy" her mother responded "he left to get food for the dog, but that was hours ago". Alison frowned saying "oh well is he gonna be home before Santa comes" Katharine placed her wineglass on the counter before laughing , laughing so hard almost falling out of her seat. The kinda laughter you would only hear from her when her daughters came inside covered in mud including the dog or when one of the girls pick socks got in the washer while washing her husband's dress shirts. She then turned in his seat before walking towards the stairs saying "oh Alison don't you know there is no Santa , it was your father and judging by the fact he's not here there will be no Christmas". Alison frowned before watching her mother walk up the stairs leading to the master suite leaving Alison all alone on the last Christmas eve they'd spend as a family...

Steve's P.o.v

"Alison" she looked up at me saying "what" I responded saying "I'm going to dinner with my parents tonight do you wanna go". She shook her head before I added "are you sure" she nodded before pecking my cheek saying "have fun though" I nodded before shrugging off her quietness. Alison was never quiet was something bothering her , should I stay but my father pulled me aside at work today telling me that my mother wanted me over for dinner and Alison was welcome to come but it wasn't as required as my presence. An Alison was excited about dinner until a few minutes ago , I realized after meeting her parents that Alison wasn't very fond of family gatherings especially holidays. As I made my way to my parents house I couldn't help but think what was so pressing , and the thoughts of Stewart and Y/n showing up yesterday were still fresh in my head especially the fact that I had packed Jackson's bag and made sure the blanket was in there. I pulled into my parents driveway to see both my parents cars and now I knew why my mother wanted me over for dinner, my sister was here. I kicked around some of the gravel trying to relief the stress of having to see my sister, but I knew she didn't know about Alison and that my parents were probably giving a nasty review on her and I knew she'd take Y/n's side over mine just cause. I knocked on the door before opening it to see the front door was unlocked , I removed my sport coat I wore to work before walking thru the dinner room to see my parents and my Sister. My mother quickly walked over to me engulfing me in a hug before my sister walked ove brushed my hair causing to roll my eyes and my mother to say "be nice you too". It had probably been two years since I last saw my sister and I could already feel suffocated by the awkwardness before she spoke saying "so baby brother" I rolled my eyes at the awful nickname she'd been calling me since we were kids almost worst then the nicknames Alison had for me , I mean I loved those. My sister continued saying "what's it like working for the old man" I shrugged saying "okay I guess" she then added. "How've you been" I nodded before returning the favor with the awful nickname saying "fine how about you Polly pop" she rolled her eyes saying "yep your still and ass". My mother spoke before saying "Polly , Steven that's enough , I swear you kids haven't aged past five" my sister and I rolled our eyes before sitting down for dinner.

It was after dinner when we eating my mother's peach cobbler when dad asked "how's Y/n doing these days" I rolled my eyes saying "fine". Polly spoke up saying "hey sorry about missing his birthday work was crazy but I sent something to Y/n" I rolled my eyes as my mother asked "how's work Polly" she nodded saying "fine , hey listen do you know where nana's ring is I know a place in Indianapolis and I thought I'd get it cleaned". Mom shrugged before dad spoke up saying "it's in the cabinet in my office" I sighed saying "actually I had it". Dad huffed saying "had it , you idiot you lost it" I shook my head saying "no I know were it is I just don't have it". Dad huffed saying "I swear if it's on Alison's left hand you'll be-" I cut him off saying "no dad I gave it to Y/n , she has it". Mom gasped saying "you were engaged" before I could respond Polly spoke saying "who the hell is Alison" mom responded saying "don't let me get started on her". I sighed saying "Alison is my girlfriend and yes Y/n and I were kinda engaged it's a long story and she's keeping it for Jackson". Polly chuckled saying "good thing cause he'll probably get married before you" I rolled my eyes as my dad said "what do you mean kinda engaged" I shook my head saying "it's a long story I'm not getting into it". The table remained quiet before mom spoke saying "Steven I was talking to the girls at lunch and I just can't seem to remember what it is Y/n does for a living". I signed saying "well one you could probably talk to them about my actually girlfriend and Y/n works for Matt's dad and that's all I know cause I really don't care". My mother sighed before dad asked "how's that Paterson kid" I responded with "fine him and Coleen are having a baby I guess". My mother responded saying "I thought Y/n was with Matthew" I shook my head saying "no mother Y/n is with Stewart". Polly laughed before saying "Stewart Graham , oh that has to suck for you" mom huffed saying "language Polly" polly continued her laughing fit before my father spoke saying "well what did I tell you-" my mother cut him off saying "were not talking about this at the table", my father shook his head saying "no Jenifer I'm not going to baby him like you do , he's a grown man so here it goes. Your mother and I don't like Alison " I sighed as he added "she's no good something is off there and from what I overheard at the birthday party , what she said to the woman who stuck around when you were being a little asshole the same girl who gave you that little boy. Now from what your mother tells me it's not an easy task but she did it and this is how you repay her by bringing someone like that around". I huffed saying "you know you Y/n and everyone else needs to get over it cause I like Alison a lot and you all can just deal with it". Dad shook his head saying "maybe you should start wearing your glasses again son cause you are so blind I'm telling you she's not who she says she is" I rolled my eyes again saying "dad could you just try to be happy for me and for Jackson" he responded saying "not when your being stupid and don't think throwing his name around makes you look innocent". I huffed before finally losing my patience with my family , I got up from the table before walking towards the front door as my mother asked "where are you going" I huffed saying "getting away from you monsters" mom responded saying "we are your family". I shook my head saying "no your not , my family is Alison and Jackson I'm done with you people" I slammed the door before getting to my car,

Feedback is appreciated , stay safe and let me know what your thoughts were and please don't plagiarize my work.

Taglist @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @queenofthehairharrington @charmed-asylum

[canimal]

I wanted to write a time travel fanfic and about Evan Rosier/Hermione Granger as a main pairing but... I'm stuck. I didn't choose the most redeemable character (Rosier was killed by Moody after a magical fight) and it's complicated bc how Hermione can fall in love with someone like Evan no matter how charming and smart he is ? How did you deal with that (Hermione, Death Eater and their ideology) ? All I can see is something like Jaime/Brienne (GoT) and a very slow burn. But it still feel wrong.

(Please bear with me as this is going to be a super long response.  I’ll put it underneath the cut so those who want to read it can read it and those who want to scroll past it can do so quickly.)

To be perfectly honest, if a story feels “wrong”, you shouldn’t be writing it.  Trying to force something that you don’t feel comfortable writing and don't fully believe in will not only make for a story that feels forced and unnatural to the reader, but it will also become a story that you will not enjoy writing.  (Never forget that this is our hobby, not our job.). Eventually, you would likely hit a wall where the story was unable to progress further and you’d be stuck.  Lots of writers try to write a story with certain elements or pairings that are “trendy” and end up stuck because they forced a story.  Writing should flow fairly smoothly.  I’m not saying that writers should never stumble or feel blocked, but I am saying that if you’re not allowing a story to remain organic and grow naturally, you will find you quality and likely your own enthusiasm and enjoyment in writing the story suffer.

Why do you want to write a story with Evan Rosier?  Is it because you find his character fascinating or you want to uncover more about him?  Or is it because he’s not a character that’s written about a lot and you’re hoping to stand out in a growing sea of Death Eater stories?  

I promise I’m not trying to be rude or condescending, even if it seems like it.  This is an honest question.  If your answer is on the first couple, awesome.  Go for it.  

But, if you’re hoping writing about him will get you instant recognition and a large number of followers on your story immediately, I’m sorry to tell you that that probably won’t happen.  Most readers don’t want to take a chance on unknown characters.  They just don’t.  I’ve mentioned this many times, but when I first started writing Thorfinn Rowle as more than just a one-dimensional bad guy in the background in first, The Dark Mage’s Captive and then Parolee and His Princess, I frequently got PMs and reviews asking me who the fuck Thorfinn Rowle even was and that I might actually get more people to read my stories if I didn’t write such weird pairings. 🙄 (Let’s not forget the troll who commented “This should’ve been a Dramione” on literally every single chapter at least twice.  Sigh.) So it’s both amusing and incredibly frustrating to have readers in the fandom announce that Thormione is their OTP when most of them wouldn’t have given my stories the time of day when I was writing them and they were the ONLY Thorfinn stories in existence on FFN for certain and probably everywhere else.  Because so few people were interested in reading a story with Thorfinn as the main love interest when I was actually writing Parolee and His Princess, if I was only writing the story in an attempt to stand out and not because that was the story I wanted to write, then I likely would’ve gotten frustrated and quit before I ever finished.

So, if you’re serious about writing an Evan Rosier story because it’s what you want to write, I wish you the best of luck.  It’s always challenging to write a character with little to no background info in canon.  Challenging can also be a great deal of fun.  If we never challenge ourselves as writers, we won’t ever get any better.  Writers must be willing to learn and try new things if they want to get better.  Practice is crucial.  Too many writers (professional and otherwise) get to a place where they don’t believe they need to improve and their writing gets stagnant.  It’s sad.

Now to your question about how or why Hermione might fall in love with someone with such a different and dangerous ideology... there are many different ways this can be tackled.  I must stress thought that you make sure the decision you make makes sense within your story.  Don’t try to force something.  Let it grow naturally.

First of all, I don’t believe anyone is unredeemable.  (Or irredeemable. Same meaning, right?) Perhaps it’s because of my own personal faith and religious beliefs, but I don’t believe anyone is wholly evil or wholly good.  Yes, even in this hyper-partisan world we now live in, I don’t believe that anyone (even those who might disagree with me) are pure evil.  This has actually gotten me a lot of grief from angry trolls and super sensitive former readers alike.  I’ve been accused of being an “apologist” for all manner of depravity including, but not limited to, rape, violence, murder, racism, all the bad things ever, etc. simply because I believe that no is unredeemable... irredeemable.  Ugh, whatever.  You know what I mean.  

Everyone has good qualities in them, even those who appear to be nothing but evil.  Far fewer good qualities than most certainly, but still there.  I’m also a firm believer that people, even really bad people, can have an existential change of heart and want to be a better person.  Many just have to be given the opportunity to change.  Of course, I don’t believe that they shouldn’t be punished for their crimes or they should be excused just because there’s something good about them.  I’ll never understand why I’ve been accused of being an apologist.  🙄 Some people are truly exhausting.

For every story about a Death Eater falling for Hermione, there’s a different explanation.  If you’ve ready any, you’re probably already familiar.  Because I try very hard to make every story I write unique from the others I’ve already written, I’ve mixed it up.  Antonin only joined for knowledge and power without realizing until too late what was really happening.  Rodolphus was pressured by his wife in one and his grief and depression made him fall further in than he meant to.  Sometimes the Death Eater was pressured by family to follow in their footsteps; others by their peers.  There are countless reasons why people join these kinds of groups.  Disillusionment, looking for a place to belong... you really could make it anything.  I’ve known people who were drawn in and brainwashed by cults because they were desperate for purpose, for belonging, for a feeling like their life actually mattered.  It can be super easy to get sucked into a cult and takes years to get out... if you can.

JKR wrote the Death Eaters as being simply bad for bad’s sake.  They’re almost all one-dimensional.  No person is actually one-dimensional.  They have hopes and fears and dreams just like everyone else.  Maybe they thought they believed in the sort of pro-Pureblood world that Voldemort imagined, but once they got in they were in over their head.  Reality rarely meets our expectations.  People grow and change.  Even my own beliefs have changed as I’ve grown older.  What I used to think was important no longer is and there are issues I have done a complete 180 on as I’ve grown up and begun to live in what I call “grownup reality”.  (Life is much different for me than it was even when I was just in my twenties and how I see the world has changed drastically in some instances.). So if experience and time has been able to shape and change my beliefs and even my values to a minute degree, why could the same not be said for a Death Eater who discovered all was not as it seemed when they were recruited?

It’s also important to remember that no one thinks, acts, or believes like everyone in their set group one hundred percent of the time.  Each individual has their own thoughts and beliefs.  Maybe they joined because they hated Muggles, but then they realized they were wrong to do so.  Maybe their family pressured them to join but they didn’t agree.  Maybe they were afraid to die so they joined.  I know a lovely man whose father died in World War II fighting for the Nazis - not because he was an admirer of Hitler and believed in everything dreadful and evil the Nazi party believed in.  No, his father was conscripted into the German Army and fought because he would’ve been arrested in the best case scenario and executed in the worst.  His young wife and their two small children could’ve also been in danger had he refused.  It’s a terribly sad story.  And hardly the only one.  That’s just one example.  History has countless other incidents all over the world when scared people fought and fell in line with a terrible leader because they had no other choice. Or at least it seemed like they had no other choice.  Not everyone is strong and brave enough to stand up to injustice and evil when their lives are on the lines.  Humans by our very nature can be quite cowardly at times.

It’s possible that a person who has done evil deeds or believed just absolutely atrocious things could want to change and be a better person.  Though it wouldn’t be easy, someone like Hermione could choose to forgive them for their past.  Especially if they’re truly remorseful.

Of course, it’s also unfortunately true that there are sometimes relationships that are just absolutely toxic.  Love can make idiots of us all.  How many women (and men to an extent though not nearly as often) see the potential in a man and want to change them into something good and perfect?  It happens so often it’s a cliche.  Woman falls in love with bad boy.  Wants to change him.  Stays with him with hopes and dreams that he’ll stop being so awful.  Is disappointed over and over again.  Have you ever known someone who fell in love with a truly terrible person and even though their relationship wasn’t healthy whatsoever never seemed to quit them?  Kept going back for more even when everyone told them it was a terrible idea?  I’m pretty sure you have.  You might’ve even been in one of those relationships yourself.  I know I was.  No, he might not have been a murderous minion of a madman, but he certainly had his terrible qualities that I thought I could help him get past.  Tale as old as time.  

I could go on and on and on about reasons why Hermione might fall in love with a completely unsuitable man who might even wish her dead, but there’s no reason.  It could be for a thousand reasons.  And don’t forget, Hermione isn’t exactly some innocent paragon of virtue herself.  She’s pretty dark even in canon.  Trapping a lady in a jar?  Cursing a girl’s face possibly permanently?  Leading another witch into a forest knowing there are centaurs in there who are dangerous?  And those are just the things that unobservant Harry noticed!  Who knows what she was doing off-stage?  She has her own darkness and her own demons to fight.  She’s not perfect nor is she some pure angelic creature who only uses light magic for good.  Nah, she’s pretty twisted at times. (On a side note - Please don’t try to write her as being all-powerful, perfect, and never do anything the least bit bad.  That’s not her character at all.  It bothers me to see her written as some sort of pearl-clutching virgin who has never done anything bad in her entire life.  That’s NOT the Hermione I read in the books.)

You just have to find the right motivation in your own story.  If you’re not forcing the story and allowing it to develop naturally, you’ll figure it out.  If you’re forcing it, I’m afraid you’re going to stay stuck.

I hope this can be so some help!  Sorry I’m rambled on and on and on.