#did he think i wasn't pretty enough? was i too sad? too angry? too raw? too imperfect and human and messy?

[lilaccatholic]

Boy who broke my heart, I hope life is kinder to your daughters than you were to me

[fool-of-second-breakfast]

Connor Murphy wasn't a bad person.

He was misunderstood by everyone, including his own family. When people say that he wouldn't have regretted his death because the Connor project did so much good, and his sister got a kind and caring boyfriend, in my eyes are wrong. Because in the book he has clearly stated that he just doesn't care, he didn't see the point. He was dead, anything that happened after just didn't matter. 

He didn't understand why Evan was making up lies about being his friend, he thought it was weird but ultimately didn't care. Yes he did get annoyed at his mother for believing what Evan said about him, but never openly got mad at him for doing it. He got mad at his mom for believing it because she never took the time to actually know her son. 

His own parents refused to understand and listen to him, opting to just treat him like a project, hoping that if they just threw money at the issue that it would get better. In reality, Connor only wanted someone that would listen to him, who could understand him, he never really got that. Granted his parents did love him, but they didn't treat him right. They didn't want to deal and actually talk out his problems, they just wanted him fixed. 

Connor just didn’t want to be alone, but he was.

When people say that Connor is a terrible person for the way that he treated Zoe, they don't understand that Zoe also treated him horribly. Yes Zoe was neglected by her parents because they were concerned with Connor, but does that give her the right to treat Connor horribly? I don't think so. In reality she should have been mad at her parents and not Connor. It was her parents that put Connor above her, not Connor putting himself above her. Connor wanted help, he wanted someone to just listen and understand him. He never got that. He never got to be himself either, he tried. But it didn't work out. 

"But see, anytime my mother got a glimpse of the raw me, she couldn't take it. There'd be so much fear in her eyes. There was love, too- I saw it. But the fear... that's what stuck with me. You catch that look, and it's not like you're itching to open yourself up. No, you shut down pretty quickly." 

Another line. 

"I suppose this is what I get for building my walls so high. My family never got to know about my life." 

He didn't let his family get to know him, because he scared his family. He loved them, and he knew that they loved him, but he scared them. He knew that he was ultimately alone, he had nobody and nobody wanted him. So he made his exit, and you can't blame him for doing so. 

Another thing that people don't mention nearly enough. Connor was an avid reader. He constantly quotes/brings up famous writers or people (Shakespeare, Nietzsche, etc) Evan also goes on to mention books that he notices that Connor owns. And points it out as a similarity that they had. 

"Also, like me, Connor has shelves crammed with books. I see The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, The Catcher In The Rye, The Great Gatsby, and The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh. Some of the stuff I've never heard of, some I have... He's got at least a half a dozen Kurt Vonnegut novels. A few have Dewey decimal numbers on the spines." 

He goes on to point out one book that they have both read. "Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer." He goes on to say that it's a weird feeling, knowing that they've both read the same book. That he could've had more in common with him. That they could've had a conversation about the books they've read, that maybe they could've been friends. Evan then goes on to open Connors sketch book, landing on a page of a man being rained on by rats and spiders. The caption of the drawing reading, "Crittercism." Evan finds it clever and funny. 

So yeah, Evan could've been Connor's friend. Main word being "Could've". They were both socially awkward, and anxiety ridden, so in reality, no they probably wouldn't have become friends. Neither of them would've sucked up the courage to try.

Not to mention, Connor did have a friend, Miguel. Who is not talked about enough. Because Connor did have feelings for Miguel, but he was scared. Scared whenever Miguel would get too close, and whenever Miguel did get too close he would jump away, only allowing Miguel to get tiny glimpses of his raw self. And as mentioned earlier, his family was scared of his raw self, he didn't want to lose Miguel over that, didn't want to lose Miguel because he finally decided to open up and show him his raw self. He didn't want Miguel to become scared of him like his family had. 

That is one of the reasons why I hate when people say that Connor was a terrible and heartless person, because he wasn't. He was just scared. 

Another reason why I hate it when people say that is because once Evan comes clean to the Murphys, he leaves, wandering out onto the street. Connor follows. Not angry with him, but actually relates to what Evan is saying and going through. He watches as Evan breaks, coming to sit in the middle of the street. Connor begins to get almost worried for Evan, checking the street for cars before feeling compelled to try and reason with Evan. He knows that Evan can't actually hear him, but try anyways. 

"Get up, I say. He shakes his head, keeps shaking it. He can try to wish the pain away. Not going to make it stop. Trust me, I tried." A distant headlight appears. He knows that Evan sees it, but Evan still doesn't move. 

Connor keeps trying to get Evan to move. Eventually getting right in his face. 

"Own it, I say. I wasn't able to. You hear me? Evan? That's what you do. You get up. And you own it." 

You can't tell me that Connor was a horrible person, when he tried to help Evan knowing that Evan couldn't hear him. Tried to help the boy that made up lies about his life. 

Connor never blamed Evan for anything, because he understood Evan more than anyone would ever understand himself. He understood Evan the same way he wanted someone to understand himself. 

Ultimately I don't think Connor did anything wrong, or that he was a bad person. In my eyes, he's an amazing character. As a person, and a character. He is so misunderstood, it's sad seeing a character that was already misunderstood, continue to be misunderstood.

Connor was alone. He loved jokes. He was sensitive. He didn’t blame anyone for what happened, “It’s no one’s fault. And it’s everyone’s.”

Connor made his exit.

[fortheloveofkuroo]

Open Sky

A/n: This was my first ever Bakugou angst. Hope ya'll like and enjoy it. Pardon for any typos or grammatical error. English is not my first language and i'm still learning ^^

Bakugou Katsuki × F!Reader

!!WARNING!! - Suicide Attempt & Swearing

Part 2

---

"NO! PLEASE!"

You plead. Already lost count on how many times you did this to a boy infront of you.

The figure with ash blonde locks that standing tall in the edge of the roof seems not bothered by your presence at all.

Both of your hands are trying to reach those strong yet slim body to stay away from the edge of the building. But he's too quick.

However, you managed to put one hand on his dusty with dirt uniform shirt. Yanking him away from those dangerous edges. Leaving him fall on top of your body as you check any of his body parts that hurt.

"Stay the fuck away." he slapped your hand and proceed to stands up.

"Wait you-"

Your words cutted off with a single stare of his ruby like eyes.

"Who the fuck are you? And what are you doing here? I though no one supposed to be here." his tone is stern and clear.

"That's my question! Why are you here and why are you trying to jump?!" you shouted, pretty loud. Your (E/C) eyes covered in worried.

"It's none of your bussines. Who are you? Answer my fucking question." the boy, who's now looking at you angrily asked again.

"O-Oh.. Um.. I'm (Y/N). From class 1-B." you offer your hand, hoping for a shake but the boy ignores it.

"If you don't have any bussines right here, fuck off. I'm about to fuckin rage and i don't want anyone bothering me." he said clearly. Piercing your (E/C) eyes with a long stare before he stands up.

"You're Bakugou right? The First winner of Sport Festival? The "interesting" boy from 1-A?" you asked, trying to get his attention one more time. Couldn't help it but you want to see his ruby eyes one more time.

His ruby like eyes are pretty. And he's pretty cute. But in those pretty red ruby pupil, you know he's been holding something.

The sound of loud metal getting hit slaps you back to reality.

"Guess everybody knows me, huh? Tch. "The boy with hard personality like that doesn't deserve to win!" "His temper is such a pain in the ass" "He shouldn't come to UA."" the ash blonde boy, who's now ravaging a piece of metal roof that's laying around muttering to himself. Quite loud so you can't help but listen too.

"Bakugou.."

One call and he doesn't even bother to look at you. His hand still clenching and giving that metal roof a hard Punch.

"Bakugou, hey.."

Two calls, his punch are slowing a bit. But he still keeping his pace steady, not too long he's back and punching that piece of metal angrily.

"Bakugou Katsuki!"

Another call. This time, you yell. And dear lord he finally turn his stubborn head to you. Although his face was annoyed as fuck.

A raw fist hit his right cheek immediately. And his body was pushed to the wall.

"What the fu-"

Your hands are now gripping his shirt's collar, bringing him close with your face.

"The fuck's your problem?" he asked ignorantly. Seems doesn't even care that the fact he's being pinned to the wall.

"You've gotta be kidding me.." you muttered inside your brain.

"Snapping you out from your mind."

Bakugou scoffs, which is the thing he always do.

"Calm down dumbass. I wasn't going to jump."

What? Pretty sure you see him about to jump earlier.

"W-What? No! You're going to jump earlier! You can't fool me!" you insisted.

And so, your position quickly changed. Now you're under this guy control.

His arms are around your head and his face is only 5 inch away.

Your lips will surely pressed against him if you're moving right now.

"Tch. How stupid. You really think i'm going to jump, huh? I know that you're dumb but not this dumb." his tone is mocking you but there's a slight happy tone hidden inside of it.

You brave yourself and stare deeply to his eyes.

"Is something wrong?"

He didn't move at first, then he clicked his tongue and push you away. Leaving you there with a slight confusion and curiosity.

"Nothing. You're just a stranger, don't get near me and play nice and stuff. It pisses me off." he said nonchalanty while rushing down the stairs.

"But you really not trying to jump, right?!"

Bakugou keeps walking while muttering his own words to himself.

"Not today."

---

It's been weeks since the incident of the roof happened.

And a glimpse of his ash blonde locks and his back is still haunting you.

Those ruby eyes never leave your mind. Not even a second.

No one in 1-A nor 1-B knows your meeting with that hot-tempered Ash Blonde boy at the roof.

It's only between you and him.

"Say (Y/N), wanna train together after school?" asked a girl with an orange ponytail, Kendo.

You two make your way out of classroom, walking together trough the corridor.

Just before you answer Kendo's question. You saw that glimpse of ash blonde locks walking upstairs quickly.

"I'm sorry Kendo, but i have to pass!" you grin and go after that boy. You finally get to meet him again.

What is this warm and nervous feeling in your chest? Why are you so nervous to meet him?

Yout hands slowly opens the roof door and found nothing.

"Ah.. It's just my brain isn't it?"

"So it is." a voice from above suddenly answered.

"W-What?!" you look up and found his figure, standing on top of the building (see the gif)

"So you really following me here, huh? What a creep." he complimented while his ruby eyes looking at you up-down motion.

"Gee, thanks bakugou."

"Why are you here anyways?" you look around and trying to find somewhere to sit while asking him.

"And why exactly are you here, dumbass?"

"Answer my question first, stupid."

"Need to clear my mind." he sits by the edge and near the stairs.

"Cmere'."

You look up to him once again. Is he seriously asking you to "come here"?

"Alright.. Just don't blast me once i get there." you said, jokingly. But Bakugou seems not amused at all.

You carefully climb up the stairs.

"Oof. It's quite slippery." your right leg trying to found another stairs but unfortunately your leg slipped.

"Watch out!" If Bakugou's hand not quick enough, you must be already fall and hurt bad enough.

His hand catches your arm quickly and pulling you up in a second.

His hand is sweaty.

"T-Thanks.."

"Be more carefull, dumbass. It's just a simple stair and you managed to slip?"

"Hey! Accidents happen okay?" you crossed your hand and quietly sits next to him, hoping that he doesn't mind.

A gentle wind caresses your cheek. The weather is surprisingly nice today. Sunny and not too hot.

Your eyes catches something wonderful from up here. The view of whole town in 360° from the roof.

"Wow.. The view is.." "Amazing. I know." Bakugou finishes your words.

"Like you." you added a smile.

His head immediately turn towards you in a second.

"What did you say, dumbass?"

"You're amazing?" he shrug your shoulders, giving him a "what?" look.

It seems that it's working.

"Bakugou, i know we just met like weeks ago but. I gotta say this, i admire your strong and intelligence."

Bakugou keeps quiet. He doesn't know how to react actually.

"Should i say thanks or what?" he think.

"But i also admire your soft side like this." you quickly wrapped your hands around him and hugged him. Making him flinch and you can feel his blood boiled up.

"HEY?! THE FUCK YOU DOIN DUMBASS?! LET ME GO-"

"Bakugou when was the last time you received a hug?"

It made him silent.

His stiff body slowly loosen up and he slowly but carefully rest his head to your shoulder.

"....Elementary." he answered with a small sigh.

You rub his back slowly and smiles.

"Bakugou.. You can always open up to me. No matter what's your problem. I'm a good listener, you know?" you chuckled.

"Then, what do you say about why people always see me.. As a bad guy."

Silence.

You're quite shocked actually. The great Bakugou. The great powerfull Bakugou Katsuki.

"Oh.. I thought you never think about those thing.. You always seems so strong.."

"I- I COULDN'T HELP IT OKAY?! IT'S.. IT'S JUST.."

Your hand finds its way to his hair and pat it slowly.

"It's been there in my mind. I tried to ignore it and think of something else but it's still there!" Bakugou yell. Complaining like a child.

"I hate it.. I hate it when i'm like this. I looked so weak and need other people. I don't like this yet i'm stucked here with you."

Ouch. Kinda hurt you though when he said he don't like this.

"Bakugou.. Every people have problems. Even like the most powerfull human being, let's say All might." his breathing is out of control and you can feel his shoulder is shaking and shuddering.

"It's not weak and embarrasing to think like that. You need a support. And i'm here for you." you smiled again, trying to get his sad face brighten up a little.

"You are not a bad person. Well, you are a hot-tempered and a little harsh. And you never show a friendly face at all? Which makes people think that you're always angry which is true. But deep inside, i know you're a good guy."

"Are you comforting me or insulting?" his raspy voice breaks your laugh.

"Sorry, couldn't help it. But i see you once when you're doing your internship, you found a lost kid and immediately take her to the closest police station instead of letting her alone. And you wait for her too! Altough she's scared of your face." you giggles, remembering your first meeting with him.

"Isn't that what everyone would do? Also how do you know so much?" he asked curiously. Still cozy in your arms.

"Well, actually i'm under the same agency as you but didn't recognize me altough i'm the only girl there." you laughed and smile again, looking at the view.

"So Bakugou, don't feel down. You know you are not a bad person, if you don't know, then i tell you right know. If you're a bad person, i will not sit close beside you like this." you give him a sweet look and a pat on his shoulder.

"The fuck that supposed to mean, dumbass?" he looks quite puzzled with your words so you let a sigh and looks at the open sky.

"It's my Quirk. My Quirk let me know wether people have a good and pure heart or no. And yours, it's clean. But i can see some of grudges and rage that you're holding and keep to yourself." you explained and Bakugou scoffs.

"Is that Quirk even usefull in a fight?"

"Actually it does. I can read minds too y'know." you smirk to him.

"Thank's though, that's very nice of you calling me badass." you chuckled after reading his mind right after you explained your Quirk to him.

"Y-You fucking.."

"Alright! You feel better Baku? I'm hungry. You wanna get lunch?"

Bakugou looks away and muttered.

"..Sure dumbass. Let me.. Fuckin pay. I ..owe you."

[pbandjesse]

I'm really tired. Everyone was very surprised I came to work today was how badly injured I am. Honestly I probably could have stayed home but it's not like I didn't have a good time at work. It was a really good day. I am tired.

I slept good last night. I woke up once but I wasn't as freaked out and sleeping with the eye mask on definitely helps. I got up with my alarm at 7:30 and got dressed and felt very cute. I love my outfit today. It was only like 75 degrees out so I actually could wear sleeves and that was nice. It also helped protect my arm a little bit. The one. My elbow is pretty raw. And it hurts to bend and pick up stuff but we survived.

I had waffles for breakfast and then I headed to work. Kenneth set up tables and I unfold a chair since I couldn't pick anything up really. Honestly doing the chairs kind of hurt my arm but I was okay. The Cannery was fun but we had a big stressful moment because the person who was supposed to be doing the printmaking was an hour late. So nothing was set up and we didn't realize until right as the kids were getting there and I really shouldn't have moving to process so I had to do my best but then I got upset because I was in pain and I yelled down and somebody had to come up and do it because I was just so frustrated.

The Cannery went good. The kids were really sweet. And I stumble on my words a few times during The Company Store but mostly it was very good.

I got a half hour break. I eat my rice and chilled. And then I gave my door. There was a little bit of a problem because we ran into the neighborhood tour but it all worked out. Again I had some trouble talking because are being distracted and being in pain but at the end of the parent on my tour said that she liked it a lot and then I did a really great job and she just kept telling me how nice it was. I love giving Forest there. Just good because I have two in a row tomorrow.

I left there at 12:30 and just missed the bus as I was coming up the hill. A sweet old man was sitting on the bench and he told me he was mostly blind and asked if I could tell him when the 80 bus came. And I said of course and we talked about how nice the weather was and then his bus came. And thankfully mine came just a couple minutes after. I was texting chelsi that would be late and she told me I shouldn't even come because she was worried about me. But honestly I wanted to go see the school nurse. I don't know when you need to go to the doctor. I feel like no one ever taught me that and I just feel like I'm bothering people or it's a waste of time. When I was a kid we never went to the doctor unless we were dying. My dad didn't go until after he was done having shingles. I don't have good references for this. So I got to school and I went to the school nurse and she told me that it looks bad but it's going to keep spreading. But the blood vessels are going to spread out and then lighten. She said if it gets really bad in the next couple days like it swells up or I get a hard knot somewhere else on my leg that I should be concerned and then go to the doctor. But she said that it doesn't look that bad All Things Considered. She said it looks bad. And everyone else agreed. Because all day and that's all I had to hear. I told the story what happened like 75 times today. But I was good.

I picked up the kids and I got lots of hugs which is really what I wanted today. I was talking to Marcus and joking about that. Everyone kept saying that they would have stayed home if they were made but for real what was I going to do. Lay here and be sad. I'd rather be at work and be safe. We spend the kids will come and give me hugs and that's always nice.

We made mosaics today. Every day this week, which is just tomorrow and Wednesday, will introduce a different project that the kids have requested. So it was nice to be able to kind of come together and have options and tomorrow add more options to the board of what they can make and it's just going to be good.

We had a nice time at recess and dinner was fine. There was some conflict with one of the staff members because she thought we were taking up too many tables and kept trying to tell her this is where we always sit and she disagreed with us and I just didn't even get into it with her I'd let Chelsea handle it. I just couldn't deal with that today.

But art was really fun and I was very proud of the kids. And it was a fairly quick day. At the end of the day I ended up staying behind because one of my students parents was just really concerned. She was really worried about how they're communication is with her daughter and she doesn't know what to do. Apparently they live in a neighborhood where the girl can sleep through anything until there's gunshots. And then she freaks out and can't sleep. I don't blame her. But she doesn't feel like they can talk to each other. So I suggested they do a mommy and me Journal where they can talk to each other through that. Where it's a judgement free zone and they can get things out. Maybe it'll help. I felt really bad and I wish there was something I could have done more for them. I really like the girl. But I understand where mother is coming from and it's really hard. For everybody.

When I got outside I had to run for the bus. But he didn't make me pay for it so that was cool. And then I got back to my bike and went up to James's place.

He made me a pizza bagel. And we hung out until all of the D&D people got there. First time in almost three months! It's been too long since I've seen all of them. But it was nice to be around other people for a bit. I got to try fancy Japanese Kit Kats because one of them had just gotten back from Japan. It was really fun.

As their game got started though I headed out. Said goodbye to everyone. Tentatively told Jordan that we may still be able to go to his birthday. But I'm not sure if we're going back to Philly for Father's Day and now so who knows what's going on there. And then I came back home.

Where I became crazy angry because again the new people next door locked the back gate. So I couldn't get into my Ally. So I couldn't get into my apartment. I had to go all the way around the block to the front drag my bike in through the door where it does not fit. And go back into my apartment. I went outside and I kicked the fuck out of that gate. I broke that lock right off which is what I told them I was going to do. I gave them a warning that if they locked me out of my apartment again I would remove the lock and I was serious. If they do it again I will remove the door. I cannot wait to not live in this apartment anymore because those people next door have ruined it for me. Besides any issue I had in this apartment as soon as they moved and they have made everything around here miserable. They put trash in the alleyway they let their dog shit everywhere and they lock me out of the place I live. They do not own that public shared space. And it is ridiculous that I have to continue to ask not to be locked out. I told them to put on a type of gate where you can open it from both sides they didn't listen. I had my dad fix the gate so that it would stay closed when that broke I fixed it. And then when it broke again their maintenance people fixed it and out of the second one that broke her most immediately. The spring is still whole and that should be good enough. If it is not you guys can then put on a different piece I am not fixing it again. It is so crazy to me that they think that they can lock that gate when I live here. They know they're not the only ones that can get through that gate and it is insanity. I will not put up with it anymore.

But after I did that I calm down. They will not lock me out again so there's that. So I felt better. I brought Sweet Pea inside and I went and took a shower. My new dress came that I got on eBay it fits me great and I feel super cute in it. And basically the rest of my day has been great. I'm very sleepy. I'm going to go have a snack and then I'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed. I have double doors tomorrow and then teaching at the school. I think it's going to be an excellent day. James has his second interview and I'm very excited for him. I hate that it's on the phone for him because that sounds horrible but I hope that it goes well. He's such a good boy and he deserves to get this job. And I hope you all have a great night tonight. Sleep well everyone. Be safe out there.