#did I tell you I love me some good angst???

[cyborgartalchemist2]

Need to point some queer rage at something, white cishet persecution kink it is.

I absolutely despise this kind of cishet nonsense. And here's why-

White cishets recognize that being different is an automatic point against the rest of society. They know that marginalized groups are disqualified by the oppressors for the most basic of human experiences like finding love.

But they stop at that.

Because instead of letting that information strike a nerve they see 'a thrilling experience' to write/read about. The forbidden romance. A star crossed love doomed to be denied by all around the lovers. But, instead of including some form of marginalization like... one of them having a different skin color, being transgender, or disabled and considered incapable( incorrect) of fulfilling their half of the relationship, one of the lovers is a different species(still white and nearly human, think twilight or acotar) or this kind of rubbish where the only disqualifier for their relationship is that doctor/patient is frowned upon and can have power imbalances... not sure if it goes against the hypocratic oath, but it does have the possibility for damaging reputations..

Why make up these ridiculous reasons for a romance to be forbidden instead of taking from the laundry list of actual reasons a couple might experience aggression and refusal of acceptance?

Because they want the drama, pain, and angst that comes with marginalized romances without losing their privilege. They want "I love you, even though I know I shouldn't." But they want it without having to dismantle their own prejudices or do any work to understand that the reasons that make some romances forbidden are wrong and harmful. They don't want to admit that society is full of bigotry and prejudice, they just want dramatic romances where against all odds, the lovers come together.

I know white women who write these are often disadvantaged by being ciswomen, but it doesn't erase the fact they make up arbitrary and downright ridiculous barriers for their white het romances. It's an insult more than anything. It's someone saying "I recognize that some love is denied by the systems of power in place, but instead of accepting that I can do something about it by discussibg it, I'm going to appropriate the energy and flavor that comes with forbidden romances but with completely normal and acceptable members of society who would never experience this kind of denial. Simply because I want to read something dramatic without feeling guilty or being confronted with my own privilege."

And don't get me started on those made up slurs... like... balleraggot is disgusting. Tell me you don't understand the creation and use of slurs without telling me. Honestly... where did 'gonna make slurs that are ripped off of real and truly harmful slurs' sound like an even remotely good idea?

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

Ok, obv you shouldn't replicate it if you don't want to or don't have time to, I much rather you were able to focus on what matters more to you than some dream I had but if you still want to know what it was here it is

It was basically a post final war setting that I made up in my dream where for a little bit every one thought luffy died, the actual drawing was a reunion between Sabo and luffy after the whole thing

Both of them are in tears but Sabo is straight up ugly crying cus for a good bit he thought he'd lost the only brother he had left, their both on the floor clutching each other like crazy, it looks like Luffys comforting Sabo while also looking a bit freaked out himself, and Sabo is still a complete mess

That's essentially what it was, but I remember it being specifically your art style probably because I love it so much

Thank you so much for the links to your other art, I love them all and they always get me to go crazy inside

I would be honored if you appeared in my nightmares lol

Again you don't have to draw this if you don't feel like it but I still wanted to tell you about it in case you were curious

Anyways, love everything you do and I hope you have a great day/night and that everything goes well for you! 💜

And i did. And i did draw it. And i DID. OKAY??

Been feeling in an angst mood but havent had any ideas for angst that i havent. Done Before. So thank you for that delicious angst i devour it up whole even though it was only a paragraph or two. It’s all i needed.

Thanks for the ask! And the inspiration

(Original ask)

[spacegyaru]

DON'T LOOK AT IT! PT.2

your phone got lost for some reasons. the following day, the sex tape you made with your boyfriend (reo, hiyori, nagi, otoya, yukimiya) was all around the internet. how would they react?

cw: r18+, mdni! mentions of sex tape and implied sex. humiliation. somewhat angst and comfort. a little bit toxic, hyori is a s*dist! reo's parents don't like you!

a/n: this is the second part!! third part will be rin, isagi, chigiri, barou, oliver, and karasu 😌 i placed them last bc i think they're less likely to film one tbh

masterlist | part 1 (shidou, kaiser, bachira, & sae)

reo mikage:

to be honest, this guy is too decent to have a sex tape. but you guys ended up making two or three videos for two reasons— the first reason is because he had a one month business trip and he was out of the country, so you decided to give him something he'd love to see from time to time. second, it's because he wanted to get back to his parents for trying to set him up for another woman while he had a girlfriend, you. that time, he let all his frustrations out, bending you over while kissing your neck, jackhammering you from behind.

when your phone got lost, you didn't think that much of it. reo got you a new one. until one day, your name made it to the headlines. the video you taped with reo, him taking you roughly from behind, was all around the internet. the slicking sounds, the purple hair… it's all there.

you already felt humiliated by the public. reo was comforting you with kisses and even bought you a luxury bag in an attempt to comfort you. he also booked a private plane for the both of you to get away with problems for a while. his pr staff also tried to fix damage control by deleting all copies of it around the internet and tracking whoever posted it. he was caught just within the day. 

that didn't stop reo's mother from getting mad tho. while you guys were away, she called you to tell that you should stay away from her son. when reo heard this, he immediately grabbed the phone from you and tossed it on the bed, giving you a kiss on the cheek. 

“just stop using that phone right now and pay attention to me. also, don't mind whatever my mom tells you. you're the only one for me… and now, the whole world knows that.” 

hiori yo: 

this guy looks innocent. but don't get fooled. he's a fucking sadist. he'll beat that pussy up and he just knows the right way to do it. you'll have two to three sex tapes per month, and all of them shows how rough he could be on you. when you try to shy away from the camera, he'll hold your jaw so people could see how you look while he hits it from behind.

when your phone got lost, hiyori was the one who brought up those tapes. and he was so calm when he mentioned it, as if he doesn't have a reputation to protect as a part of a huge football team. the next few days, your name made it to the news and the video of you with your legs up to his shoulders while you were moaning his name loudly was everywhere on the internet. 

when you started being humiliated by the public, hiyori tried to comfort you. he bought you some ice cream and cuddled with you. you apologized for not taking care of your belongings but he accepted it. he even made a public apology to those who have seen it. suddenly, while you were cuddling, something hard poked between your thighs.

“oi, y/n. ya think that would go unpunished? a lot of people have seen how much of a dirty girl ya are, and i thought ya were for my eyes only.” 

nagi seishiro

i'll be pretty honest. this guy only did the sex tape because he was going to be away for a while to train overseas. and he only had one.

it wasn't even you all over his cock. it was you suckin him sloppily while he's all laid back playing with his ps5. your skirt was riding up your ass and only your face can be seen on the camera. while nagi's voice can be heard in the background telling how good you take his cock. his low voice is recognizable, and his moans were heard too. but what made him recognized the most is that you called him ‘sei’ and ‘seishiro’ in the video.

his management immediately told him to deny being part of that vid. but nagi refused to. instead, he issued an apology to the public. he'd rather take the blow rather than publicly admitting that you're a cheater. he even said that it was all his idea but did not emphasize how it happened.

nagi was pretty nonchalant about things. what's the fuss all about if the public already knew you were together? but when he saw how pretty affected you are, boi threw his hands to comfort you. he immediately bought some flowers and decided on a romantic dinner night— which ends up with the both of you playing mario kart or tekken. 

“i might look just cool on the outside but i'm kinda worried about you, babe. you need to get out of our room. let's spend some time together, okay? also, you weren't just fucking anyone. you were fucking me, babe. and i’m not just anyone.” 

otoya eita

this guy is another menace. of course he's going to have a damn sex tape cuz he's the type to parade all the girls he's rizzed on. so you guys end up recording your sex most of the time, unless it's a spontaneous one. 

when you lost your phone, you didn't think that much of it. until you saw eita looking at his phone for too long and staring at the screen. you thought he was about to follow another girl again so you grabbed it, but you saw his twitter timeline containing the one video you took with him a few months ago. you dropped his phone with a shocked face. 

you guys ended up arguing because otoya didn't take it as much of a big deal. you were literally telling him, yelling at his face, to make an apology but he didn't want to. he literally said, “why would i be sorry for fucking my own girlfriend?” you almost threw a chair at him. deep inside, he's just proud of himself. 

in the end, you ended up giving him the silent treatment, which for him, is worse than an argument with you. so he apologized with flowers, decorated your room, ordered a champagne, prepared a nice dinner— all that with rose petals on the bed and a fine massage from him. 

“fine babe. you know i hate it when you ignore me like that. i'll make it up to you okay? let me all do the work tonight and just lay on the bed.” 

yukimiya kenyu (i took so much pleasure in this) 

this guy is a closeted freak. he looks like a good boy but on the bed… he really does well. you wondered where he learned those things from when he looked so prim and proper. he loves to explore and recording a sex tape is one of the things that he wanted to try. you also agreed because you wonder if your boyfriend would still look good on the camera, even when in a pussy-drunken state. and you know the answer to that? of course he did. he looked very hot. 

when you lost your phone, the first one to actually worry is him. he immediately thought of the videos that may come out, especially your sex tapes with him. yukimiya immediately reminded you of that, but you were so complacent and didn't think of that possibility. well, he was right. and your names were written all over the social media. 

being respectful and having a good public image, yukimiya immediately apologized and let out a statement, telling people in detail what happened— how your phone got stolen and how it's suddenly uploaded by an anonymous. he even said that his management will take proper measures to track the person behind it and stuff. 

at the end of the day, what happened between you is a comfort-fest on the bed. you both snuggled together, while you cried in yukimiya's arms, telling him how much you feel humiliated. he just kept kissing your forehead while continuing to cuddle with you. 

“i know, y/n. it's an embarrassing thing, okay? but we're all just humans who make mistakes. we just have to be careful next time, okay? i love you.” 

[snowysosturn]

Fire & Desire - Matt Sturniolo Part 13

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Pairing: Y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n has always clashed with Matt. Despite working for Chris’s clothing brand and being close with Nick, her relationship with Matt has always been tense at best. While being forced to be around each other more, their animosity turns into something deeper. Can they overcome their differences, or will their fiery emotions tear them apart?

Warnings: angst, tension

The morning sun spilled through the sheer curtains, my head was still heavy from last night, and my body feeling sheer exhaustion of what had happened. I had barely slept, replaying the scene at the restaurant over and over in my mind. The embarrassment, the sting of Matt’s words, the way I had to walk away while holding back tears.

A soft knock at my door made me wake that bit more. "Hey, you awake?" I hear Nick’s voice from through the door. 

I remembered I locked it once Matt left last night so I pulled myself from my bed and unlocked the door letting Nick to come in. I turned and walked back to my bed, sitting up against the headboard, pulling the covers around me. Nick closed the door behind him before standing at the end of the bed. "Alright, spill. What the hell happened last night? You left, and then Matt stormed in looking like he just saw a ghost."

I exhaled, rubbing my temples before looking at him. "Your mom asked Nate if he was seeing anyone, and he said no, which was fine, right? But Matt decided to make it seem like that was some kind of rejection for me, like I was meant to be upset about it. Then, out of nowhere, he brings up to your mom and dad that Nate and I went on a ‘date’, which you know yourself wasn’t even a date, so then Nate tried to clarify that we were just friends, but Matt just kept pushing it. Then he said that I was a quick fuck and then friend zoned. Right in front of your parents." I swallowed, feeling the embarrassment all over again. 

Nick’s eyes widened slightly, but his expression darkened. "What the fuck?"

I scoffed, shaking my head. "Yeah and I’m so embarrassed if your parents heard that last part because first of all, I had just met them, and second of all, it’s just not even true. It made me look bad, it made Nate uncomfortable, and Matt acted like he had some right to embarrass me like that."

Nick sighed, running a hand through his hair. "No I get why you’re upset like he was way out of line. But listen, when Chris and I came back in, our parents said you were lovely and that they hoped you felt better soon. I’m telling you they didn’t hear that part."

I let out a slow breath of relief. "Really?"

"Really" Nick nodded. "They just thought you weren’t feeling well and needed to leave early."

I sank back into my pillows, finally feeling like I could breathe a little easier. "Good. Because I swear, I was ready to dig a hole and disappear forever."

Nick laughed. "Nah, no disappearing allowed. But are you gonna talk to Matt about it?"

I frowned, staring at the ceiling for a moment. "We did last night kinda, but I’m still so angry. And the worst part is, I don’t even know why he acted like that. It was like he wanted to embarrass me."

Nick shrugged. "Matt’s an idiot. He says dumb shit, but he also knows when he’s messed up. I guarantee you, he feels like shit about it right now."

"Good" I muttered, still unwilling to entertain the idea of forgiving him just yet.

Nick sighed again but didn’t push it further. "Alright, well, the four of us are going out with my parents for the day. You coming?"

I shook my head. "I think I’m just gonna stay back here today, I just want things to die down."

"Thats cool." He stood up, stretching. "Try not to overthink it too much, alright?"

I gave a half smile. "Easier said than done."

As Nick left the room, I rolled onto my side, staring out the window at the pool below. I knew I wouldn’t be able to just brush this off, but at least, for now, I could breathe a little easier knowing that Nick’s parents didn’t hear Matt’s words. Still, the anger remained, simmering just beneath the surface. Eventually, I decided I needed some air, some sun, some quiet, and a break from all the tension.

I slipped out of bed and grabbed my swimsuit, opting for a tiny bikini that I knew would be perfect for lounging by the pool. The straps sat snug against my skin, the warm morning air already filtering through the open balcony doors as I pulled my hair up out of my face. After tossing on a loose cover up, I slid into my sliders and grabbed a towel before heading downstairs.

As I reached the foyer, the others were gathered, chatting and getting ready to head out for the day. The energy in the room was light, filled with laughter and the occasional clatter of sunglasses being thrown into bags. As soon as they spotted me, they greeted me, well everyone except Matt, who didn’t even glance in my direction.

Chris was the first to speak. “You coming with us?” His tone was casual, but his eyes scanned my face like he was checking in.

I shook my head, adjusting my towel over my arm. “Nah, I think I’m going to take it easy today. Just chill by the pool and relax.”

Nate nodded approvingly. “Honestly? Probably the smarter move.”

Chris shot me a small smile. “Enjoy the sun. We’ll be back later.”

I returned the smile, forcing the tension from last night out of my mind. “You guys have fun.”

With that, they all filed out the front door, their voices fading as they disappeared down the steps. The villa was suddenly silent, the only sound being the faint rustling of palm trees outside.

I exhaled slowly before grabbing an ice tea from the fridge and making my way out to the pool, letting the warm sun wrap around me as I laid my towel down on one of the lounge chairs. Finally, peace and quiet.

I stretched out on the lounge chair, letting the sun soak into my skin as I sipped on the cold drink. I had left the villa door open, wanting to hear when everyone got back, but after a while, another sound caught my attention. 

A knock.

Frowning, I sat up, adjusting my bikini top before grabbing my cover up and slipping it over my hips. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and the guys wouldn’t have knocked, they had keys.

As I rushed barefoot across the cold tile floor, I hesitated for a second before pulling the door open. 

A mailman stood there, holding a large box. He barely glanced up before handing it over. “Delivery for Fresh Love.”

I furrowed my brows but took the package, feeling the weight of it in my arms. “Oh, thanks.”

With a nod, he turned and walked back down the driveway. I shut the door with my foot and carried the box to the kitchen counter, setting it down with a small thud.  I smirked, realizing this must be the personalized samples Chris had mentioned, the ones he ordered for all of us.  I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick picture of the box before opening up my messages with Chris.

Me: Personalised samples just got delivered.

A few seconds later, the typing bubbles appeared.

Chris: Sick! You check ‘em out yet?

I glanced at the box, debating if I should wait for him or just open it now.

Me: Not yet. Was gonna let you do the honours.

Chris: Okay cool. We can do a shoot with them at sunset later.

I bring the box up to Chris’ room and set it on the bed so he can see everything when we get back in. If we’re doing a shoot I want to look extra radiant and glowy, and that won’t happen from standing inside the villa. I grabbed one of the body oils in my room before making my way back out to the pool. I poured a little into my palm, rubbing it over my legs as I stretched back out on the lounge chair.

Matt’s POV

We were halfway through the guided tour when Chris suddenly checked his phone and said, “Oh, the personalized samples came in. Y/n just texted me.”

Hearing her name wasn’t helpful. Not when I hadn’t been able to get her off my mind since last night, and god how she looked in that bikini earlier didn't help. I kept my eyes straight ahead, pretending I didn’t care, but my mom didn’t let it slide. “Oh, Y/n is such a lovely girl” she said with a warm smile, then turned to me. “Is she feeling better now, sweetheart?”

Before I could even begin to answer, Nick cut in smoothly. “Yeah, she’s fine. Just needed a bit of sleep.” His tone was light, brushing off the question like it wasn’t worth pressing. He knew me well enough to know that I didn’t want to talk about it, especially not here, not in front of everyone.

I kept my mouth shut and just nodded in agreement, though the truth was, I felt far from fine. Guilt sat heavy in my chest, chipping away at me. Last night, I had let my emotions get the best of me. I let jealousy, because let’s be honest, that’s exactly what it was, take control, and I lashed out in the worst way possible. I had said something cruel, something I couldn’t take back. And knowing Y/n, she wasn’t the type to just let it roll off her shoulders. She put up walls, and I had given her every reason to keep me on the other side of them.

The more I thought about it, the worse it got. I had no right to be mad at her, no right to act like what she did or didn’t do with Nate, or anyone else for that matter, was any of my business. But that hadn’t stopped me from taking a low blow, from making her feel small in front of people who barely even knew her. If she had done that to me, I’d be furious. So what did that say about me?

I exhaled, dragging a hand through my hair as I barely registered the tour guide’s voice. My mind was somewhere else entirely.

I had to make this right.

I knew I had a way to make it up to her, it was something I should've done ages ago. And now, I could only hope it wasn’t too late for her to forgive me.

Y/n’s POV

I was sitting outside on the patio, a plate of food in my lap as I watched the sun dip below the horizon. The sky was painted in soft shades of pink and orange, the kind of sunset that made everything feel a little quieter, a little more peaceful. It was one of those moments I wished I could freeze in time, just me, the sunset, and the distant sound of waves hitting onto the shore.

But then, the front door swung open, breaking the stillness.

The familiar sounds of shuffling feet and tired voices filled the villa as the guys returned. I set my plate aside and stood up, making my way inside to greet them.

“Hey” I said, leaning against the kitchen counter as they walked in.

They all looked exhausted, Chris, Nate, Matt, and Nick, their faces slightly sunburnt, their hair tousled from the slight breeze and even though they didn’t say much at first, their body language said it all.

Chris let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair as he took his cap off. “Long day,” he muttered. “We were out in the sun for way too long, and I think it’s catching up to everyone.”

Nate groaned in agreement, tossing his sunglasses onto the counter. “I need, like, ten hours of sleep.”

Matt didn’t say much, just nodded, his jaw tight. He looked at me for half a second before glancing away, like he was trying to avoid something, most likely me. I ignored the sting in my chest and forced a small smile.

“Yeah, we’re all wiped” Nick added, stretching his arms above his head. “Think we’ll just stay in tonight, order some takeout, crash early.”

“That’s fine with me” I said, realizing I was more drained than I thought. Between being in the sun all day and everything that happened last night, I could use a quiet night too. “I left that box in your room” I say turning to Chris.

“Cool I’ll have a look now, we can take pictures tomorrow evening instead, when everyones a bit more awake”

And with that, Chris, Nate, and Matt didn’t waste any time disappearing into their rooms, clearly eager to knock out for a bit.

Nick lingered behind, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m gonna shower first, but after that, I’ll come to your room? We can just chill for a bit, a movie maybe?.”

I nodded. “Sounds good.”

I walk up to my room, kicking the door shut behind me as I switch on the TV. The smart TV mounted on the wall was a lifesaver, especially on nights like this when there wasn’t much going on. I sink onto the bed, remote in hand, sifting through Netflix, too see if theres anything both Nick and I would like. The knock on the door wasn’t enough to pull my attention from the screen since I assume it’s Nick, I don’t even think twice before calling out, “Come in.”

But it’s not Nick.

It’s Matt.

He stands there in the doorway, looking uncertain, a silver metallic gift bag dangling from his fingers. Looking like the same one I spotted in his room next to my ‘Thank You’ card. For a moment, neither of us speak. We just stare at each other, the weight of unspoken words thick in the space between us.

My tone is blunt when I finally ask, “Are you alright?”

Matt doesn’t answer. Instead, he lifts the bag slightly, as if offering it to me. His expression is unreadable, something between nervousness and determination.

“What is it?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.

“Just look in it” he says quietly.

I hesitate for a second before reaching out, taking the metallic bag from his grasp. Peeling back the layers of tissue paper inside, my breath catches in my throat.

It’s my locket.

The delicate chain pools in my palm, the pendant glinting from the sunset shining in my balcony window. My fingers tighten around it as I snap my gaze back up to Matt, my heart pounding.

“Where did you get this?” I demand, my voice barely above a whisper.

a/n : most of this is a bit of a filler soz

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel  @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @chrisstxrnsaxe @sophand4n4 @vickytaa @marrykisskilled @bxtchboy69 @yourfavsturniologirl @julisturn @sydneyylainn @sophia-77n @trevorsgodmother @sturnslutz @yourmother29 @girl24cherry @astronea @pinkdyit

[baepsays]

Love Hangover⸻ Gojo Satoru x reader

synopsis: "Call me back. Call me back. Call me back." — love hangover by Jennie & Dominic Fike

Cw: toxic relationship, emotional cheating, manipulation, just sex and NSFW stuff, choking (took something from the mv and applied it where I think they implied it :3 ), lot of back and forth, use of the word 'bitch' to refer to the reader (not by Gojo), hate sex, oral sex, fem anatomy, no particular use of pronouns for reader, lowkey angst sorryyy, they are just both pretty shitty lol. Mention of alcohol consumption and cigarettes

'Call me back' received. 2.13AM 

You and Gojo Satoru might be great people, your respective friends will agree. But when you're together it's as if all hell breaks loose. They do not understand. Neither do you two. He makes you so unlike yourself, so unrecognizable, it's often difficult for you to fathom the person you become around him. 

He becomes an unbearable prick; controlling and smothering you, simply too much for you to handle. In return you become a shady bitch; criticizing his every gesture. “Roses instead of lilies? Did you confuse me for someone else?” One day you would be joking over the dinner you made him, next day you would be wishing he was dead. Going through his phone, shouting at him and asking if he is speaking to his exes, was a regular occurrence. Then you won’t talk altogether, but just fight constantly—while lying under your covers together, while eating, on the phone, in public— just making things harder for everyone and yourselves. Until one of you goes;

‘I’m over, I'm so over.’

But you two would always end up where you started. One coincidental meeting with Gojo Satoru somewhere, anywhere, could be that you're across the street from each other; sitting in different restaurants, with different people— and that would be enough for both of you. Doesn't matter he has some girl hanging off his arms. Or the fact you are on a second date with some guy, thinking this might be something serious; a single, double, triple back from him, and suddenly the fact that he was still entertaining his date while you could practically feel his gaze burning your skin, won’t matter—not that it did not bother you. In fact, to put it simply, you do not really mind when he plays you. Because you two will always end up back in each other’s arms. 

‘One minute, we're growin' apart, and next, I'm in her apartment.’

And here you go again. Doesn't matter how many times either of you tell yourselves and your friends that ‘I swear I'll never do it again!’ But you always do it again, and again, and again. He always ends up ringing your doorbell, unannounced. Does not matter you did not pick up his calls, does not matter you did not answer his texts— One “Call me back” at 2 AM, then suddenly he is at your door. And you know he will be there. No matter what, you two always end up in front of each other’s doors. You may not answer his texts or calls; but when you open the door for him and beckon him inside, he will always be welcomed with two glasses of wine. For the sake of the pretense of wanting to have a civil conversation over wine like two grown adults, finally resolving this push and pull and drawing a firm boundary— is all a faux excuse. you still have the keys to his place, and he still has the keys to yours. And they are not being returned any time soon.  

In a flash you're on your couch, back arching off from its surface and fingernails digging in and ruining the fabric. Again. The other hand would be a tangled mess in his hair. The bigger mess would be pooled under you and around his mouth. Again. Eating you out like he has never before, or he might never again. But he knows better than that. 

So, you would start all over again. Things would be blissful for a while. Sweet talking, going on dates, reminiscing about everything which was good. Thinking this time you would take it slow. Take your time with just hanging out and getting to know each other all over again, promising to not repeat the past. All over again. Though when you two would go out for dinner, all that talk would bore you to death. It is not that you feel like staying with Satoru because of who he is, in fact the more you think about that the more it makes you want to leave him, but you want nothing more than to keep him around, forever. And Satoru knows that, hates that really. Always thinking “what's up with that?” — but just as the waiter would bring out the check, you would gaze at him all sultry and go, 

"Let's head to mine."

And all Satoru would be able to utter is , "Okay, awesome."

Subsequently, there would be just lots, lots of sex. Spending days in bed; skipping work, calling in sick, flaking on friends and practically going missing. And everyone would already know what to expect, nothing new, just the cycle repeating itself. 

Spending days in each other’s company giggling about, high on sex and the thrill of having each other back. Then the nights would pass with him being  buried, as deep as he possibly can be, inside of you. Just spending nights watching you get naked instead of watching the movie he chose himself— roaming his hands all over every ridge and curve on your body, encoding new details, leaving kisses and marks all over you. Places where everyone will be able to see, but also places only he would be able to access; tucked away safe even from your own eyes.  Letting the muscles inside your pussy hug him snug, fitting like she has never known anyone but him, because even she knows no matter who comes and goes— his shape will stay. 

As soon as he would get his hopes back up again. Just as soon the momentary bliss would be unexpectedly cut short. One day you are holding each other to sleep after indulging in each other’s bodies, the next moment you are shaking his hands off you and he is waking up with cold sweat all over him. Then you would stop reciprocating his kisses, leaving his lips cracking. Giving short and curt replies to questions, getting irritated over small things. Not that this is unprovoked. Unknowingly to Satoru, before he could delete the texts from the girls flooding his phone and block their numbers; you saw it all.

Back to square one. Fights and nights spent away from each other doing reckless stuff to provoke each other. Because why are you kissing his eyelids and calling him your one and only one moment, and then accusing him of ruining your life another day.

Soon enough you’re going to a club and letting people openly hit on you. Ignoring his calls and texts, to a point he has no choice but to pull up your location (do not ask how he got that). Then letting him drag you back to his place, shout out profanities at you, rip off every piece of clothing from your body. Doing nothing about him pushing you face down on the bed, pulling on the necklace— which he gave you—on your throat from behind and practically choking you, as the necklace leaves behind marks on top of the marks he previously left behind with his lips and teeth. As he thrusts himself inside you, mercilessly, not even letting you turn back around, putting all his body weight on yours— very literally smothering as always. One hand keeping a firm grasp on your throat while the other comes down to place slaps on your thighs and ass, from time to time. You would barely phrase something between loud moans and whines, “F- fuck you.” 

“You are. As always” all he would reply with with a singular impactful thrust. 

Next morning he would wake up to  empty, cold, and wet sheets. A singular half burnt cigarette would be lying on his bedside table, from the stash of cigarettes in his dresser, despite the fact he does not smoke. And a bottle of whisky would be gone from his collection, even though he does not enjoy whisky. All that would be left of your immediate presence, are the shredded to nothing flimsy pair of painties, which you wore last night. Not like you ever went out of his apartment with the same panties you entered through his doors with. 

Concurrently you would be drowning in alcohol, shooting glasses of shots after another to cure the hangover from the day before. You were not one to drink, but you were also not one to be irrational. Yet here you are, hungover and functioning on autopilot. If anyone asked what is wrong, you would not have an answer. Though you do know what this is, the need to never get over this hangover, instead perpetuating and fostering it. Because you know better than anyone that no alcohol will relieve the itch in your throat the way the whisky in Satoru’s cabinet burns down your chest, and alleviates you. You can buy similar whisky, the same brand even, or maybe even a wine or rum— but it won’t taste the same, it won’t get you drunk the same. 

‘I swore l'd never do it again.’

And after a month, Satoru would wake up to a singular missed call from you. 

‘you know I'm gonna do it again.’

a/n: dividers by @/dollywons & @/aquazero, header from the mv for the said song. essentially saw @jumpinglillies talking about wanting to read a Satoru fic based on this song, thanks to them for bringing the song to my attention i hope this lives up to your expectations <3

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[shurisneakers]

hey I wanna say I absolutely love your writing ,English is not my first language but your writing cracks me up every time I absolutely adore your work! I wanted to throw in an idea for misery loves company because I really like the grumpy×grumpy ,what about them being loners/grumpy in a wedding,maybe it's Steve's or someone else on the team and they share a quiet dance on the balcony or something so yeah that's my idea ,again love your works ♥️♥️♥️♥️

a/n: hello! thank you for your kindness and for sending this in, I hope you like it <3

this is part of misery loves company but is just a stand alone fic. you don’t need to read anything before this

warnings: swearing, light angst

You slip out before the first toast.

The balcony is quiet, the air sharp against your skin. Below, the city hums, distant and indifferent. The music is still loud behind you, but out here, it’s muffled, softened by the wind.

You don’t belong inside.

The thought comes unbidden, bitter in your mouth.

So the balcony is cold, the air sharp against your skin. The city sprawls below, distant and untouchable. The music inside is muffled now, voices blending together, champagne bubbling in glasses. It’s still too loud.

You lean against the railing, fingers gripping the cold marble. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter. That you don’t care.

You exhale, press your palms against the railing, giving yourself five seconds before you call an Uber to get home.

Behind you, the door creaks open.

"You gonna jump?"

You hear the shuffle of his shoes against the floor as he leans beside you.

You close your eyes. "Go back inside. Make someone else's night worse."

"Yours already looks terrible, I've got a headstart," Bucky says, stepping up beside you.

You don’t turn, but you can feel him watching you, his presence taking up too much space in a very spacious balcony.

"You left early," he grunts out.

"So did you," you mutter.

"Yeah," he says. "People started looking at me like they wanted to ask me to dance."

You scoff. "You just think everyone’s in love with you."

"You're not proving me wrong," he points out.

"You're the most insufferable man I know."

"Honoured."

You finally glance at him. His tie is loose and he looks like he wants to be anywhere but here.

"Why are you out here?"

Your grip tightens on the railing. "Why are you?"

You know he sees it.

"You gonna actually answer," he says coolly, "or are we going to keep doing this?"

You exhale sharply, looking ahead. "DJ’s shit."

"It’s a live band."

"Then they should’ve hired a DJ."

His mouth twitches, but his eyes don't move off you.

"Try again."

"No," you say flatly.

He tilts his head at you, expression unreadable.

It makes you feel like your skin is on fire. Weddings are hard. Weddings with him around are even harder, for reasons you can't put words to.

A beat passed and he finally pushes himself away from the railing.

You're about to make some biting comment, when instead--

"Dance with me."

You blink. "Are you concussed?"

"Not recently."

You scoff, crossing your arms. "If this is some kind of sympathy thing-"

"Jesus," he mutters. "Yeah, I wanna pity dance with you, that's exactly what's happening here."

"Then what?"

He shrugs, "You think you're the only one who's angry?"

Your jaw tightens, teeth harsh against each other.

"We don’t have to talk," he mutters, like he's tired. Like things are hard for him too. "Just dance with me."

You stare at him, skeptical. He stares back, unbothered.

Instead, you grab his hand, passive-aggressive, like the universe owes you something for putting him in your life.

"Step on my feet, I break your kneecaps."

"For the record, I was a good fuckin' dancer."

"There is not one person left alive that can corroborate that," you scoff.

It's a joke, but you're acutely aware that maybe it's exactly why this is hard for him.

He pulls you in, a little stiff, like neither of you actually know how to do this anymore.

The music filters in from inside, something soft, but the two of you aren’t moving right to it.

He sways, slow and easy, like it makes all the sense in the world.

It pisses you off that somewhere, it starts feeling that was for you too.

"You're terrible at this," you mutter.

"So are you," he grumbles.

You scoff. "You said you were good at dancing."

"Yeah, well," he exhales, "people say a lot of shit."

You roll your eyes, but you don’t let go.

Neither does he.

The wind picks up. His palm presses a little firmer against your back. You don’t know what to do with that.

"You think you’re mad now," he mutters, "just wait ‘til I do this."

You frown, "What are you plann-"

You barely have time to react before his lips brush against your forehead.

It’s quick, warm, and a little unpracticed, like he thought about it too hard but did it anyway.

Your fingers tighten against his shirt. Not because you want to hold on. But because you don’t know what else to do with your hands when something shifts in your chest.

"Jes—"

"Shut up," he says, and it's the closest you've heard him come to pleading. "Five more minutes."

The words sit between you, heavy and unspoken.

You don’t know if he’s talking about the dance or something bigger.

Five more minutes.

Like you’re not running out of time. Like something in the world could belong to you, even if just for a little while.

You close your eyes. Breathe him in.

And five minutes stretch on longer than they usually do.

[ribbonsncherries]

The Contract

Warnings: Lots of smut, P in V, Oral (both m and f receiving), BDSM!, Sexual Assault, Stalking, Angst, Alcohol mentions, Dominant and submissive plot, Virgin user, mentions of drugs.

Chapter 2

Pairing: CEO!Dean Winchester x inexperienced! User

Summary: When her roommate and work partner gets sick, she is in charge of interviewing famous billionaire businessman Dean Winchester for his new bar's grand opening which leads to a passionate and tumultuous affair where she discovers his dark sexual desires, marked by control and dominance. The one catch? He doesn't do romance.

Based on the trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey.

(4004 words)

Divider credits: @dollywons, @anitalenia, @selysie

“I’m home!” (y/n) shouted as she threw her purse and work bag on the couch, she took off her coat and hung it up, “Jessica come out here I got some good news!” (y/n) heard the ting on her cellphone, she looked at it for a good minute before she began digging through her small shoulder bag to see Dean had texted her. 

‘Let me know any information regarding tomorrow, Goodnight Ms. (l/n).’ 

“God what is it…” Jessica mumbled wiping slobber from the side of her mouth, she looked like she just woke up from a long nap. “Make love to me or something 'cause you’re gonna love me even more.” (y/n) smiled. “So Dean came by my office and-” Jessica’s eyes widened immediately before running up to (y/n) “WHAT! You’re lying! What did he say?!” 

(y/n) laughed “Well he heard about your problem with the photos so, he’s asking you if you want an original photo for Runway tomorrow?” Jessica stayed quiet, “(y/n), If you’re fucking with me you’re out of this house.” She said pointing at her. (y/n) lifted her phone to show Dean’s number. “Just tell me and I’ll let him know right now, he does want to know by today…” she smiled. Jessica jumped for joy while she squealed. “Oh my god! Ok, tomorrow at around 7 AM,” she said immediately running to her room with her computer to prepare for the next day, although it was last minute Runway was more than happy to ask their photographers to take pictures. This included one of their photographers ‘James’. (y/n) got ready for bed and cleaned up her things from the sofa. She collapsed on her bed and covered herself with her sheets. Before she closed her eyes to sleep she texted him. 

‘Hello, Mr.Winchester. Sorry for the late message. Thank you for doing this for Runway, I was I was just wondering if tomorrow at 7 a.m. would be a good time for you to come to our studio.’ 

‘Yes, of course, that’s a good time for me. After the shoot do you want to grab some breakfast?’’

(y/n) didn’t know what to say or think, all she knew was that she was stunned, she took one more glance at the text and saw it was real. He did ask her out for breakfast. Was he interested in her? Or was this a business casual thing? She began typing away at her phone. 

‘Sure, I would love to thank you :)’

‘Good night Ms. (l/n), see you tomorrow.’ 

(y/n) felt like she released a huge breath. She couldn’t believe this at all, the billionaire man every girl wanted, asked her for breakfast. “Holy shit” she sighed out before covering her face with a pillow in disbelief. 

The next day (y/n)’s alarm rang out at 5:00. She was confused, she set her alarm for 6:00. “Wake up! Rise and Shine!” Jessicas shouted out from her door. She came into her room and opened the curtains to the morning dawn. “You’re insane.” (y/n) mumbled as she turned around. Jessica went to her side grabbed (y/n)’s sleeping mask and snapped it back on her face. (y/n) immediately got up and dragged Jessica down to her bed “What the fuck?!” she shouted while Jessica just laughed “That never gets old! C’mon sleepy head get ready, you’re gonna see your rich boyfriend.” she teased. (y/n) threw her stuffed elephant at her. “Shut up,” she mumbled as she removed her sleep mask and ran her hand through her face and hair. Jessica warmed up some coffee for her and (y/n) in their assigned mugs. As (y/n) stood in the shower, she could only think of his rough voice and his biceps that were underneath his flannel when he came into her office. As she washed her hair the warm water made her suddenly flinch as she thought about his rough hands around her waist, and thighs, Kissing her softly. Before she was about to release a moan “(y/n)! It’s 6:00! We have to get to the office by 6:30!” 

“Shit!” she shouted. She quickly washed the soap out of her hair and turned off the shower. She dressed in casual flared jeans, Dr. Martens, and a nice comfortable shirt just enough to barely show cleavage. Jessica made two sandwiches and handed (y/n) her bottle of coffee. They quickly scrambled to their car and made their way to the Runway Headquarters. (y/n) and Jessica looked out the window to see a slick 67’ Chevy Impala parked in the private garage. “Woahh,” they said in unison. As they began getting out of the car (y/n) took a good look at the sleek black car. “C’mon (n/n) James just messaged me he’s here already. 

James began taking pictures of Dean. He was in his usual Black Tux with a gray tie, his hair combed out and messy, just the way he liked it. He was standing normally and looking into the camera while James was taking the pictures but he couldn’t help but look over James to look at (y/n) who was only a mere feet away from him with Jessica. “Thanks again for doing this Mr. Winchester,” Jessica exclaimed blowing her nose in the distance. Dean looked at her for a moment and nodded his head “I’m happy to help.” he said. James looked through his camera and realized Dean had a straight face the entire time. He looked up at him and saw he was looking at (y/n) “Uh..how about we try one with a smile this time?” James said with his smile to try to encourage him. As the flashes continued Dean’s facial muscles didn’t move an inch ‘’right…guess not.” mumbled James. 

Jessica leaned into (y/n)’s ear “You realize that his eyes are literally glued to you. He hasn’t stopped looking at you.” she whispered. (y/n)’s lips slightly curved to a smile “He asked me to go for breakfast after the shoot.” She whispered back and cleared her throat. Jessica smiled and teased her with a slight nudge and giggling. 

When they were finished Jessica went home on her own since (y/n) was getting driven by Dean’s assistant Benny. James went up to (y/n), “I kinda need to thank you too, This is gonna look great on my portfolio.” (y/n) smiled at him politely, “Of course, anytime for me and Jessica’s favorite photographer.” James laughed awkwardly, “Are you doing anything later?” 

While James was talking with (y/n) he felt his jaw clench at the scene so he went up to them and stood next to her “(y/n), we should start heading out.” (y/n) looked up to him confused “Now?” she asked. Dean nodded his head before he saw her saying goodbye and giving him a friendly hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow James.” She smiled. Dean gave him one last look before catching up with her.

“Is he your boyfriend?” he asked her. (y/n) looked up at him “Who?” 

“The photographer.” 

(y/n) laughed like it was a joke “James? He is a very good friend and long-time co-worker of Jessica and me.” She put it simply as she continued walking with him. “I saw the way he was looking at you,” he said in a rough voice as he began unbuttoning the first two buttons of his dress shirt. “He’s more like a family friend you’d invite to a barbeque.” she scoffed. When they walked to the parking garage (y/n) stopped dead in her tracks as Dean walked towards the Impala. “That’s yours?” she asked shocked as she caught up with him. “Yes, family car that’s been with me and brother for years.” He said. (y/n) smiled at the sight “Wow, it’s a beautiful car.” she sighed. “Thank you.” She was confused when she saw him open the door for her and looked around the garage. “I thought Benny was going to drive us?” She asked. “No, he’s on his day off, I’ll drive you.” (y/n) got in the car and Dean closed the door, walked to the other side, and got in the driver's seat. He whipped out his keys and turned on the car making the engine purr. (y/n) smiled to herself when she ran her hands along the interior of her door. Dean smiled small when she wasn’t looking and began taking the car out of the parking garage. 

“Here you go, is there anything I can get you both?” asked the waitress. Dean looked at (y/n) for a quick second before he shook his head, “No thank you, we’ll call if anything.” he said. The waitress nodded as she walked away. (y/n) smiled before looking up from her food to his eyes, “Thanks for this by the way.” she said as Dean started eating his pie. He noticed that she was trying to pretend everything was good and cool but he could see the small hints of red in her cheeks and ears, and her jaw and shoulders were tensed. “You seem nervous?” he said as he took a bite of his pie. (y/n) laughed a bit. “Well this is my first time with a businessman and you seem intimidating.” Dean scoffed as his lips curved to a small smile. “Not to mention very high struck,” she added on. Dean looked at her and observed more of her body, “I'm used to controlling things and getting my own way.”

“That must get pretty boring easily.” she smiled. Dean scooted her plate closer to her “Eat.” he ordered. (y/n) dug her knife into the small batch of pancakes and drank some orange juice that was beside her. “Tell me more about you. What’s your family like?” he asked. (y/n) stopped chewing for a minute and continued once his words were processed and she swallowed. “My family? Well, My dad is out of the picture in my mom’s life since she doesn’t like him very much. My mom and stepdad live in California, I have a little sister named Flora who lives with them over there, I try to see them at least twice every year. I’m rambling aren’t I?” she laughed softly. “I’m sorry.” she apologized. Dean smiled a bit “It’s alright, I did ask about the topic, didn’t I? Tell me more about your father.” He asked. (y/n) smiled, “he liked music, especially romantic ones, he was always that sappy guy when talking about my mom when they were together.” she smiled remembering. Dean looked at tightening his grip around his cup of coffee. “Are you one?” he asked her. She looked up at him confused “Am I what?” she smiled. 

“A romantic?” 

“Well, I’m a writer for a gossip magazine, sometimes I have to be.” she smiled. His smirk went down a bit. “Thanks again Jessica is so beyond ecstatic and-” 

“I have to go, I can’t do this..” he mumbled, he got up from his chair immediately “What?” she questioned softly. “I’ll walk you out (y/n).” Did she do something wrong? Did she say something that somehow upset him? These thoughts in her head were everywhere, As Dean paid for the bill (y/n) had enough of waiting for him so she just walked out. “(y/n). (y/n), I’m sorry but-” 

“Do you have a girlfriend or something?” she asked. Dean looked at her “I don’t do the whole romance hand-holding girlfriend stuff.” (y/n) rolled her eyes in annoyance as she walked to cross the street. “What the fuck does that eve-” 

“Watch out!” he shouted, a speeding car had almost hit her, he grabbed onto her arm and pulled her into his chest on the sidewalk. She looked into his eyes as his piercing green eyes looked into hers. His rough hand grazed upon her cheek as she rested her face on his hand. “(y/n) You need to listen, I’m not the man for you, you need to stay as far back from me as possible,” he said with a low rumble. 

“Dean wha-” 

“I have to let you go…” he said. He took his hand off her face as she backed away from him. She looked at him one more time with an angry expression. “I don’t understand, but I’m tired of this, whatever this is anyway. Bye, Mr. Winchester,” she said as she crossed the street. Dean’s eyes followed her every move as she crossed the street until she disappeared when she reached the end of the block. 

As another few weeks passed by, The article about Dean in the magazine made a hit making this month's issue one of the biggest ones yet in Runway. (y/n) was working on a few finishing touches on a new article she was working on with Jessica, a small beep rang from her desk phone. “Ms. (l/n).” Jenna rang on her desk phone. (y/n) clicked the button to answer. “Hey, Jenna. What’s up?” “Castiel wants to see you quickly,” she said. (y/n) was a bit in a mood but this was her boss she couldn’t say no. “Send him in, thanks Jenna.” Castiel came in with a big smile on his face. “There is one of my two heroes! Since our department finished the article and the photographers did that photo shoot we are partying tonight at the new Winchester bar and you are one of the VIP guests for making this happen.” (y/n) smiled and shook her head. “I can’t, I don’t do parties or bars; it’s crowded everywhere, and there is always some couple having sex that occupies the bathrooms,” she said putting her pen to her bottom lip from habit. “But this is Winchester Elixers, this is not one of those cheap bars you and Jessica go to. It’ll be fun.”

Castiel could see her facial expressions on not wanting to go, “Listen it’s fine if you don’t want to but, it’ll be fun. Hope to see you there,” he said with a warm smile. He said as he began walking out of her office. The more (y/n) thought about it the more she wanted to go, after this whole dean situation she needed to be let off some steam, even if it was at his bar he opened up. “Cas!” she said walking to her doorframe. Castiel turned around “I’ll go.” (y/n) smiled. Castiel looked beyond happy, “You sure?” he asked. (y/n) nodded her head as Castiel smiled even bigger with his eyes. “I’ll see you and Jessica tonight,” he replied as he walked down the hallway. 

“Ok, you’re putting on too much this is a lot even for me.” (y/n) said, Jessica was putting on a tremendous amount of blush since apparently the amount (y/n) put on was too little. “God Jessica ’m not a tomato.” (y/n) laughed. “Well, I'm sorry it was bothering me it looked like you had just two circles on your cheeks.” She joked, (y/n) grabbed a makeup wipe took off the excessive amount of blush, and left little on her cheeks. They both looked at each other in the mirror as they released a deep breath “We deserve this” Jessica sighed, and their doorbell rang, “Huh, he’s early.” Jessica mumbled assuming it was James who wasn’t going to drink that night and was their driver. While she went to get the door, (y/n) began putting on her lip liner and lipstick to complete her nice basic look. “Package!” Jessica shouted. (y/n) immediately ran to the living room assuming it was Jessica’s. Whenever either roommate got a package they opened it together for fun. “I hope it’s those shirts I ordered a while ago,” Jessica said as she looked at the address. “To (y/n) (l/n).” Jessica took out the note paired with the giant box as she gave it to (y/n). “Echoes of emotion, and the visions of a fool, echoes of forbidden ground’-”

“And it’s too good to be true..’, that’s Fleetwood Mac, Love is Dangerous.” (y/n) said while confused, she opened up the box to reveal an unopened copy of the first print of Rumors that was originally made in 1977. (y/n)’s hands started shaking when she saw a purple and black shawl, this could only belong to the Stevie Nicks. She immediately put it down along with the album carefully. “This has to be from Dean, this is too much, he’s fucking insane I'm sending this back,” she said. Jessica pulled her aside as (y/n) put down the box, “No, (y/n) you’re not sending them back, if he wants to chase you he can go right ahead, don’t feel obligated to send shit back just cause he bought them, if I were you I would fucking keep it, hell if he pulled some shit as he did to you weeks ago I’ll resell it.” Jessica spoke with confidence to her friend. (y/n) nodded as she put the box in a safe space. “Let’s just forget him and go to this bar and have fun 'cause we worked our asses off, we deserve this.” (y/n) nodded once more and smiled. A honk beeped out the window. “That must be James, we should probably get going.” 

The bar was crowded, of course, people were dancing and grinding on each other. People were drunk and just having fun. Castiel welcomed (y/n) and Jessica and offered them drinks. It had a current party atmosphere and was fresh, brand new, and open to the public. (y/n) and a group of her co-workers gathered around a table surrounding shot glasses with Tequila in them. (y/n) had already had a few to deal with the anger she still had for Dean, especially since she was at his bar. “Shots! Shots! Shots!” They shouted. “Drink all of it ya’ll!” everyone in that group drank the tequila shot but still a little lingered in (y/n)’s throat which caused her to cough and laugh drunkenly. (y/n) laughed and laid her head on James’s shoulder “I gotta pee!” she shouted hoping her message would follow through the loud music. She stumbled through the crowd to the long line leading to the bathrooms. She took out her phone to Dean’s contact and as she was about to delete it she smirked to herself and was going to give him a piece of her own mind. 

Dean however was doing paperwork in his office and heard his phone ring. He saw who it was and he was confused. “You ok?” Sam asked who was sitting across from him. Dean looked up to his younger brother and got up from his chair. “I’ll be right back give a second.” He said before walking away. “(y/n)?” he answered. 

“Yup, It’s me (y/n), sooo I have that album thanks and a shawl that works perfectly fine ‘m sendin' them back, actually no ima resell em. But thanks a lot,” she slurred. Dean furrowed his eyebrows confused “You’re welcome, sweetheart where are you?” She laughed through the phone, “Don’t call me sweetheart, ‘n its none of your business to know where I am~ I’ll tell ya anyways ‘m in line cause I have to use the little lady room~” she said. Dean could hear the music and laughter through his phone, “(y/n) have you been drinking?” he asked sternly. She giggled through the phone once again, “Yeah~ so what? You little Mr. Fancy Pants.” she laughed. (y/n) looked over towards the girl next to her in line, “What a bossy guy huh?” she asked. Dean cleared his throat “(y/n) Listen to me, I need you to go home right now.” 

“Oh my god~ you’re so so bossy in the first half it’s “(y/n), do you wanna go to breakfast?” She giggled as she made her voice low and gruff like his, “(y/n), do you wanna got for breakfast? No, sweetheart stay away, I don’t need you, sweetheart. Get away~” she laughed. “That’s enough, tell me where you are right now,” he said sternly. 

“‘M not tellin’ you shit, but I’ll tell you I'm far away from you like you wanted~” She slurred out, “(y/n) where are-” she hung up her phone and sighed, she looked to the girl next to her once more and smiled, “I showed him huh?” she asked. His phone rang out again to see Dean calling her. She answered the phone, “Listen I had enou-” 

“I already know where you are I’m on my way.” (y/n)’s giggling stopped “wha- Hello?” He hung up this time on her. She looked at her phone and rolled her eyes. And looked to the girl once more.”People need to stop interrupting me I swear.” When she was done using the bathroom she stepped outside to get some air from the crowded bar. “(y/n).” someone called out. She turned around and saw James holding her sweater. “Here it’s freezing outside.” James helped her put on her sweater. “Thanks,” she said. “You ok?” he asked her. She nodded her head. 

“Yeah just never really been this drunk in a while ‘n it’s cold so~” James grabbed her arms and clung her to him. “Here let me keep you warm.” He said. (y/n) tried pulling away but she was too drunk to “No it’s cool I'm good James thanks.” James looked at her flushed face and pulled her closer, “I don’t know when I’ll be able to do this again, (y/n) I like you.” She was confused and dizzy at the same time “Wha? No you don’t” she said. “Yes, I do, very much.” (y/n) scrunched up her face “No~” James grabbed her arms a little tighter to prevent her from getting away “What are you doing, stop, no, no, no.” James began kissing her while she hit him still drunk. A sudden punch to the face hit James, “She said no!” (y/n) knew that voice anywhere. “Dean?” before she said anything else she puked in the parking lot and crouched. Dean immediately came up next to her and grabbed her hair away from her face as she puked. “Don’t look at me,” she said embarrassed. Dean looked away to James who was backing away inside. When she finished she leaned on his shoulder while he gave her his handkerchief that had his name embroidered to wipe her mouth on. “C’mon sweetheart let's get you home,” he said. She looked up at him and wiped her stray hair away from her face, “But I’m with Jessica~” she said. “Sam will tell her.” He said. 

“Who’s Sam?” she asked. “My brother, he’s inside telling her right now.” Dean took her hand and led her inside to get her things. When they got inside they both saw Sam and Jessica dancing together to the music playing Dean went up to Sam and whispered something, he then bent down a little to Jessica’s height to tell her what was going on, she then whispered something back to Dean before he came back to her, “What did she say?” she asked. Dean smirked “She warned me if I tried something stupid she knows a place to summon a demon.” (y/n) laughed as she started moving back and forth. “The world is spinning…why are you spinning?” she mumbled as she fell back and Dean wrapped his arms around her preventing her fall. He held her head to prevent it from falling back, he carried her bridal style, placed her in his impala carefully, and buckled her up. They made their way to the hotel he had still stayed in for the past few weeks. Waiting for her. 

Taglist: @applelovesposts @ladykitana90

A/N: yurrr, the tag list is open! So am I writing the next one instead of doing my assignments? yeah, I'm doing that. First of all, the love for the first chapter omg, I freaking love you guys. and to the new followers, welcome! I'm happy you're here and already interested in my book I'm eternally grateful for you all! Currently, the tag list for this book is open! So message me or go to my inbox to let me know if you wanna get tagged. Thx so much for all the love and support for this book. Until we meet again!

[fun-k-board]

Happy New Year!! 🎉

If it's alright, could I request Loki Headcanons about a Shy Lover or Secret Admirer? I imagine something like that wouldn't stay secret for long, knowing Loki, but I love the idea of the Lover in question being flustered beyond belief at being found out 💕

MARVEL RIVALS - LOKI LAUFEYSON With a Shy Secret Admirer Headcanons!

Note(s): I'm sorry this came out a bit late, college stressed me out so bad my body and mind did a factory reset. I'll be trying to finish the rest of my requests weekly.

"Oh?" Loki's eyes are light, something unusual for the trickster. Almost eager, they flick between you and the paper that's held loosely in his hand, the usual hint of amusement in his upturned lips. "You wrote these? Well, I can't say I'm not flattered, but you are aware I've been courting you for quite some time, yes?"

You and Loki would most likely know each other prior to you becoming his secret admirer, after all, he is a bit of a flirt and you're most likely one of many that he's charmed over the years. But, for him to accept your proposal, which is how I intend to write this as to avoid angst, he would need to reciprocate your feelings. In short, he'd probably be actively courting you while you do this.

It'd mostly be insignificant things, not killing you, maybe paying you a compliment every now and then, and maybe, just maybe, if he's feeling generous he'll find it in his heart to give you a gift. Typically it's jewellery, something that reflects him, gold with green jewels are his favourite. Necklaces are a no brainer, they're so easy to spot, and it's so easy to tell who it's from, too (You'll be lucky if he doesn't engrave his name on the damn thing).

Of course, he loves to tease you. It's so fun to see you squirm and try to hide away, even if he can't see the effect of the blood rushing there, he likes to hold a hand to your face every now and then to see if it's hot. One of his favourites is to whisper plans of mischief, and maybe try and get you to tag along in his next prank or attempt to steal the throne, it depends on his mood, really.

Infuriatingly, however, you don't seem to pick up on his obvious flirtations. He immediately decides that's an issue on your part, but he'll indulge you and give an extra flirty, witty remark every now and then. Wait- you're still not- oh you frustrate him endlessly! He's got half a mind to smite you, you know!

The thing is, Loki enjoys a good mystery and a thrilling hunt, but what he wants most of all is to be adored, worshiped, have thousands at his feet begging and pleading just for him to spare them a glance. So, when he starts getting little trinkets wrapped in bows, with papers written full of heartfelt devotion... Well, how can a God refuse such wonderful praise?

It's around that time of annoyance and pining, his stubbornness refusing to allow him to confess first, you must make the first move as it's obviously you who is obsessed with him, that he actually begins to receive your gifts. In such random places too, sometimes even tucked in the pocket of his clothes! Not that he doesn't admire the bravery to do such a thing.

At first he doesn't really look deep into it, he's content to find the very obviously placed gifts and doesn't care much for where they're found. As long as he's getting the attention he rightfully deserves, he doesn't care who it's from. Why should he need to know who loves him when he's being loved either way?

But, when he does want to find out this secret admirer's identity, perhaps in a ploy to make you jealous and confess, it's when he realises that it's you. The handwriting, the way of speaking, grammar, punctuation, and the nail in the coffin is when he catches you placing a note in his quarters while invisible.

This works out brilliantly.

Not only does it confirm in Loki's mind that you're utterly infatuated and obsessed with him, but it makes him believe that you were secretly aware of his courting all along. That you, given your shy nature, had done this to play into his trickster personality. He can't say he isn't impressed by your wits! (Someone please get him a reality check...)

Naturally, Loki plans something sweet yet embarrassing for his your confession, and despite his want for love and attention, he supposes that he'll make it a private affair. After all, he does want you to admit your love for him and giving you a panic attack would probably only drive you away.

The gardens are certainly beautiful this time of day, not bright enough to burn your eyes but not dark enough so you can't see, it's perfect. Not to mention quiet. Many people prefer to admire the gardens after their meals, either in the morning or in the night, but strangely never the evening, which leaves you by yourself. It's peaceful.

Yet the peace, as usual, is interrupted by a certain prince.

You turn around when you hear your name being called, your brows shooting upwards when you realise it's Loki. What could he need? Is he planning another prank? No matter, either way you're clearly involved. So, you wave a friendly hand and hope that you can ignore the sickly butterflies in your stomach that flutter harder when the sound of his shoes click closer and closer towards you.

"I want to speak with you." Loki hums, coming to a halt only a meter away from you.

You ask what he wants to speak with you about and he searches in his pocket for a moment until he finds a small piece of paper, holding it out in his palm almost like an offering. It looks familiar. Hesitant, you feel your fingers pinch a corner and take it for yourself, dread setting in your stomach as you realise. He figured it out.

When you look up sharply to explain, his face is inches from yours. The action causes your cheeks to get unbelievably hot, and even if the blood rushing to your face isn't visible, Loki knows you, he knows your tells. "I admire your worship, darling." He whispers, eyes narrowing as a sly grin grows on his lips. "But I would prefer it to be in person."

[nor-ay]

Unrequited Love Reader and Pure Vanilla Angst bc I’ve been sad these days. (Not canon to the main story.)

The moon is captivating, you think. How it shines and covers you with its light as if it were the critic and you the performer. You feel like you’re trapped on a stage. And no matter how you try to divert the narrative, someone always finds a way to put you back in your role. And you suppose that you’re not in the wrong. You are in Shadow Milk Cookie’s domain, after all. The need to be comforted fills your heart as a tear falls down and wets your cheek, clinging to your chin.

You smell the faint scent of vanilla before you hear him talk. “[Name] Cookie, oh, I am so sorry to interrupt, but I can’t help but worry about you. You’ve been acting a bit…” 

You’re a bit annoyed, no, scratch that. You’re really pissed off. Your mind can’t comprehend what’s his deal. Pure Vanilla Cookie is someone who cares about his friends and people. He’s kind, empathetic and lovely. But at what point does he help because he really feels like it? Or he just does it out of duty? Is he always genuine? 

“Why are you asking, Pure Vanilla Cookie? What would you do if something was wrong?” He seems surprised by your tone but doesn’t comment on it. It takes him a good minute to answer, calm and firmly. 

“I would do anything in my power, you do know that, right? You are my friend, my old friend, you can count on me.” 

Shaking your head, you smile, but it feels like a grimace. Of course, you knew he was going to say that. He always says the same things, just in different fonts. You know that it shouldn't hurt you; you’re feeling like this because you are allowing it. At least, that is what you think. “That’s so cruel…you can’t say that you’d do anything and then just call me a friend.” 

“Pardon me? [Name] Cookie,” His eyes are open now, and you can’t look at him, so you convince yourself that the floor is more beautiful. “You would do the same, is that right? You told me…” 

“Ugh, let's stop dancing around this topic,” Frustration and anger flares up and helps you ignore the uncomfortable dread in your body. “I told you that because I did not mean it as just a friend. I love you, but right now, I hate you a bit for it.”

You finally look at Pure Vanilla Cookie, and his face is just so pretty that it makes you feel sickly. He’s not looking at you. “I am terribly sorry…but I can’t—“ With furrowed brows and a hoarse voice, he tries to reject you as softly as possible.

“I understand, you don't have to reject me. I was just stating it.” You can’t hear him finish that sentence. Somehow, it feels like if that thought materializes, I’ll turn true. And you so foolishly try to keep some hope for your heart.

“…[Name] Cookie,” For the first time since he found you, he approaches and holds both your hands. “I’m not very good at this. But thank you for telling me. And- we can still be friends If that’s…what you want?” 

You agree and reassure him that nothing will change and that soon this feeling will go away. Bizarrely enough, you think that it may happen sooner than you’d expect.

It’s been a while! As I said, I’ve been struggling a bit these days but I’m better. Please feel free to share your opinion on this fic as long as it’s respectful. And no, this is not canon. In the main story, the reader does not confess to Pure Vanilla. Maybe someday.

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

Hi!! Can I please request a Steve Rogers x fem!enhanced!reader where she had been kidnapped by Hydra when she was a teenager after they assassinated her SHEILD agent parents, and she was held in the same place as Bucky ever since then and he took care of her as much as he could like she were his little sister. Now present day, as an adult, she escapes Hydra when SHEILD/Hydra falls? (Bucky def helped). He told her it’s very important that she finds Steve Rogers, that he’ll keep her safe (buck didn’t want to force her to be on the run with him). She has the power to turn invisible, teleport, and send (an invisible) blast through her hands that sends people flying. And that’s how she finds herself wandering outside the Avengers HQ (which they kinda go on the defense because they don’t know who she is). Poor woman is absolutely jumpy and terrified and sends all of them but Steve flying away from her and she turns invisible and just curls in the ground in fear 🥺 And Steve is the only one who can get through to her and calm her down and convinces her to come inside, a gentle arm around her? (He’d be so gentle!!) and she tells him what happened to her, where she came from and how bucky told her to find him

Anyway, she only feels comfortable and safe around him for the longest time, he’s there to help her through her nightmares, help train her, hold her close when she’s feeling scared. They both fall In love!!

Safe With Me » Steve Rogers/Captain America

Pairings: Winter Soldier x Teen!Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Female Reader, Steve Rogers x Female Reader with the Avengers

Summary: Bucky helps you escape HYDRA and tells you to go find Steve so you’ll be safe.

Warnings: Fluff, Angst (not Bucky and Steve), language, HYDRA, murder, blood, kidnapping, crying, nightmares, kissing, pet names

A/N: Thank you for the beautifully descriptive request @kpopgirlbtssvt 🩵

A/N #2: Italic text is flashbacks and nightmares. Y/M/N stands for your mom’s name and Y/D/N stands for your dad’s name.

Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.

Header made by @buck-star

GIF IS NOT MINE! Gif credit goes to the creator.

“Mom! Dad! I’m home!” You announced when you got home from school, walking in the house.

You didn’t hear either one of them so you assumed they were still at SHIELD. You walked to the living room, only to find the dead and bloody bodies of parents. Your eyes widened and you opened your mouth to scream, but someone put a cloth over your mouth. You kicked and screamed, trying to get free of who was behind you. You soon grew weak and passed out from inhaling the fumes of chloroform.

You woke up a couple hours in an unfamiliar building and room. You squinted your eyes to adjust to the light in the room. You looked around the room to gather your surroundings. You quickly realized that you’re in some kind of lab. You went to stand up, but couldn’t. You looked down at your arms and legs to see them strapped down to a chair.

“Oh good! You’re awake!” A man’s voice said.

You looked up to see a man in a suit, a man in a lab coat, and a couple men in all black clothes.

“I’m Alexander Pierce.” He introduces himself.

“Why did you kill my parents?” You asked, completely bypassing his introduction.

“I wouldn’t think of it as killing. Think of it more as getting them out of the way.” Pierce says.

“Why though?” You asked, your voice cracking.

“That’s easy. Since they’re out of the way, we have easy access to what we want.” He says.

It didn’t take you long to realize that he was talking about you.

“You’re going to be our new experiment and assist the asset during missions.” He explains.

Pierce looks at the man in the lab coat, nodding at him. He nodded back. The man in the lab coat approached you with an IV with some kind of liquid in it. You began to panic and tried to get free of the restraints, but it was no use. You yelped when the needle pricked your skin, tears rolling down your cheeks.

Many months later, you started to develop powers. You weren’t sure what kind of powers they were trying to get you to develop. Whatever it was, hurt every time and you didn’t like it. You just wanted it to stop.

“How’s she doing?” Pierce asks Brock Rumlow.

“She’s getting nowhere.” Brock tells him.

You fearfully stood in front of an HYDRA agent. You were told to get your powers to work, but you’re not sure how to do that. Before you knew it, the agent charged at you. Your eyes widened and you covered your head with your arms. You somehow turned invisible when you did that, impressing everyone in the room. They gave you nods of approval. You uncovered your head and you reappeared.

“What the hell?” You mumbled to yourself.

Pierce approached you and put a hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him.

“Good job, Y/L/N.” He compliments.

“Th-Thank you?” You say more like a question.

“That’s just a start. You’ll get use to it the more you develop your powers.” He says.

A few weeks later, you learned that you were also developing teleportation powers. Those powers weren’t too bad to learn. You were a quick learner with those.

“You know what to do.” Pierce says.

You took a deep breath before doing anything. You held your hands out in front of you and made a circle in front of you. A portal to another room appeared in front of you. You looked back at Pierce. He nodded for you to step in the other room through the portal and you did.

“You’re getting better and better, kid.” He says as you came back in the room you were originally in.

You thought the only powers you had were invisibility and teleportation powers, but that’s not it. You also have some kind of invisible power that comes out of your hands that comes out like a blast and sends people flying. You didn’t know what those powers were called. You just assumed they were similar to telekinesis powers or something like that.

“You’re impressing us more and more everyday, kid. You’re ready to start training with the asset.” Pierce says.

You were led to a room that looks like a gym, but it’s a room that’s used for training. The asset, as he said, was already in there. He’s tall, has long brown hair, blue eyes, and a metal arm.

“This is the Winter Soldier. Asset, this is our newest experiment.” Pierce introduces you two.

You shyly waved at the man. He nodded his head at you. Pierce walked out of the room, leaving the two of you alone in there. The Winter Soldier couldn’t help but notice how young you look which concerned him. A kid like you shouldn’t be in a place like this.

“How old are you, kid?” The Winter Soldier asks.

“15.” You tell him.

His eyebrows rose up when he heard your age. You’re too young to experiencing something like this. You don’t need to be here either.

“What’s your name, doll?” He asks.

“Y/N.” You tell him.

“I’m Bucky.” He kept his voice low so no one outside of the training room heard him. “I’ll protect in here.” He says softly.

You smiled and nodded.

Over time, you and Bucky developed a sibling relationship. You two learned more about each other. Bucky protects you the best he can. When you two go on missions together, he does most of the work while you are somewhere safe so you don’t get hurt.

YEARS LATER

You always go on missions with Bucky- the Winter Soldier, but this time you didn’t. You were sure why you couldn’t go on the mission with him. You asked them why you couldn’t go with him and they told you that you weren’t needed on this mission. Then they locked you in the cell they kept you in.

There wasn’t anything for you to do in a cell that had nothing but a bed in there. You laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as time passed. You jumped when you heard the sound of metal breaking. You scrambled to sit up. The door opened, revealing Bucky. You smiled and felt relieved when you seen him.

“We have to get out of here.” Bucky says.

Bucky grabbed your hand and led you out of the cell and out of the HYDRA base. You didn’t question him. You just followed him. When you two were outside of the base, Bucky put a backpack on your back.

“What’s in the backpack?” You asked.

“Clothes and snacks.” He says.

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“You are going to find a guy named Steve Rogers. He’ll help you and keep you safe.” He says.

“Who’s Steve Rogers?” You asked.

“My best friend and Captain America.” He tells you. “Now go.” He says.

“What about you? I can’t just leave you here.” You say, your eyes tearing up.

“I’ll find somewhere to hide. Don’t worry about me, doll.” He says softly.

“But I want to stay with you.” You say, your bottom lip quivering and tears flowing down your cheeks.

“I know you do, but you can’t. You’ll be safer with Steve.” He says.

Bucky pulls you into a tight hug, a couple tears rolling down his cheeks. He kissed your forehead before looking in your eyes.

“I love you, doll.” Bucky whispers. “You will always be like a little sister to me.” He says softly.

“I love you too, Bucky.” You whispered back, your voice cracking. “You will always be my big brother.” You say softly.

You started running. You took a look back to see Bucky running in a different direction. You hated this. You didn’t want to leave the person closest to you. Bucky is like the older brother you never had.

After a few days of looking for Bucky’s friend, you managed to find him. You found him in a building called the Avengers Tower. You wandered around the building, trying to figure out how to get inside.

“There’s a woman outside of the building.” Jarvis informs the Avengers.

“Who is she?” Tony asks.

“I’m not sure, but she looks suspicious.” He says.

Everyone grabbed their weapons, getting prepared for you to come inside the tower. You managed to find the entrance and went inside of the building. You quickly found an elevator and got on it.

“She entered the building and is coming to this floor.” Jarvis informs everyone.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. You stepped off of it. You were met by the Avengers with their weapons pointed at you. Your eyes widened and you rose your hands in surrender, not trying to cause any trouble.

“Who are you?” Tony asks with his blaster aimed at you.

“I-I-I don’t want any trouble.” You stuttered, not answering his question.

“Why are you here?” Natasha asks.

“I’m looking for someone.” You answered.

“Who?” Thor asks.

You kept fumbling with your words. You knew who you were looking for, but you were so terrified that you forgot how to form any words. That’s when you heard the sound of a gun being cocked and Tony’s blaster. You held your hands out in front of you, forgetting that you had powers for a second. The next thing you knew, the Avengers got blasted by the invisible power that comes from your hands and sent flying all over the room, except Steve. Your eyes widened. You didn’t mean to do that. You didn’t know what to do, except run. Steve ran after you with his shield.

You found a hallway and hid down there. You leaned against the wall, sliding down it. You pulled your knees up to your chest and turned yourself invisible so no one could find you. You started crying out of fear. Steve followed the sound of your crying. It led him to the hallway you’re in, but he didn’t know where you are in the hallway, due to your invisibility powers.

“Show yourself.” Steve says as he cautiously walks down the hallway.

You know you shouldn’t reveal yourself, but you did it anyway. You reappeared. Steve found you sitting on the floor against the wall with your knees pulled up to your chest.

“Why are you here?” Steve asks you.

“I’m- I’m looking for someone.” You tell him.

“Who are you looking for?” He asks.

“Steve Rogers.” You answered.

“That’s me.” He tells you. “Why are you looking for me?” He asks.

“I was told to.” You say.

“By who?” He asks.

“Your friend Bucky Barnes.” You tell him.

Steve’s eyes widened when you said Bucky’s name. He set his shield against the wall before crouching down in front of.

“Did Bucky send you here as himself or as the Winter Soldier?” Steve asks.

“Himself.” You answered. “He told me you two are best friends and you’re Captain America. He said you’ll help me and keep me safe.” You tell him.

“If you don’t mind me asking.” He begins as he sat down next to you. “How do you know Bucky?” He asks.

“Him and I met in HYDRA when I was 15. He’s like an older brother to me. HYDRA killed my parents who worked for SHIELD, kidnapped me, and experimented on me.” You explained.

“Who are your parents?” He asks.

“Y/M/N and Y/D/N.” You tell him.

The memory of seeing your parents dead bodies on the living room flashed in your mind. You couldn’t help but start crying again. Steve wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

“I knew your parents. I worked with them a lot. I’m sorry to hear about what happened to them.” Steve says.

You know you don’t Steve, but you quickly started trusting him.

“Bucky was right to tell you to come find me. I’ll help you and keep you safe.” He says.

“Really?” You asked, sniffling and looking up at him with teary eyes.

“Yes.” He confirms.

You smiled at him and hugged him. Steve hugged you back.

Over the next few weeks, you got settled in the Avengers Tower with Steve’s help. Steve stuck to his words. The Avengers aren’t too thrilled about the idea of you living there after you accidentally blasted them with your powers. You were standing next to the door of the lounge room when you heard Steve and the Avengers talking.

“Why is she still here?” Tony asks Steve.

“Bucky told her that I’ll keep her safe and that’s what I intend on doing for her.” Steve says.

“You know, he’s not much of a friend if he tried to kill you. Even ask Wilson and Romanoff. They were there.” He says.

“That was the Winter Soldier not Bucky. He was under HYDRA’s control.” He says, defending his best friend, even though he’s not there.

“Give the man a break.” Sam speaks up. “Bucky wants to make sure his little sister is safe so he sent her to his best friend.” He says.

“How do we know Barnes or HYDRA didn’t send her here to kill us?” Tony asks theoretically.

“Bucky wouldn’t do that.” Steve says.

“Besides, if she wanted to kill any of us, she would’ve done it anyway.” Clint chimes in.

“She may have a track record with HYDRA, but she doesn’t look like the kind of person who would kill anyone.” Wanda says.

Your eyes teared up. You couldn’t help but let that theory get to you. You finally walked in the lounge room, fiddling with the strings on your -Steve’s- sweatshirt.

“None of that is my intention.” You say.

Everyone went silent and turned their attention to you.

“You don’t need to explain yourself, Y/N.” Steve says softly.

“Yes I do.” You say.

You turned to Tony.

“What you think I’m going to do is not true. HYDRA didn’t send me here to kill you guys. I would never do anything like that. Bucky, who’s like a brother to me, sent me to find Steve so he can keep me safe. I wanted to go with Bucky, but he thought it would be better if I’m in Steve’s care.” You explained. “As for me blasting and sent you guys flying across the room with my powers, that was an accident. I didn’t mean to do that. That was out of fear and I apologize for that.” You apologized.

A few tears rolled down your cheeks by the time you were done talking. You left the lounge room and went back to your bedroom. Everyone in the room stayed silent and felt bad for you. Steve went to your room, only to find you crying softly. He sat down on your bed next to you and rubbed your back.

“I’m sorry if you heard any of that.” Steve says softly.

“I heard all of it. I understand why Tony said those things, but it hurt my feelings and to hear.” You say.

“Don’t listen to him.” He says.

You sniffled and sat up. Your face is wet with tears and your eyes are red from crying. Steve grabbed a tissue from the box on your nightstand and gently wiped your tears away. You couldn’t help but smile when he did that. Steve took a moment to admire your beauty.

“You’re very beautiful.” He murmurs softly.

You smiled and looked down, blushing uncontrollably. Steve gently lifted your head so you were looking in his blue eyes. He leaned in and kissed you softly and passionately. His lips felt soft against yours. There was so much love and passion in the kiss that it took your breath away. He pulled away and put his forehead against yours, looking deep in your eyes.

“That was my first kiss.” You admitted.

“I’m honored to be your first kiss.” Steve says with a smile.

Steve pecked your lips softly a few times before you two laid down on the bed. He covered you two up with a blanket and held you close to him. You laid your head on his chest, slowly falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

You weren’t sure how long you have been asleep. You’ve been tossing and turning in your sleep for the past few minutes. Your hands held onto the blanket tightly. You were also mumbling in your sleep.

“What about you? I can’t just leave you here.” You say, your eyes tearing up.

“I’ll find somewhere to hide. Don’t worry about me.” Bucky says softly.

Steve turned on the bedside lamp and turned to face you.

“Sweetheart, wake up.” Steve gently shook you. “You’re having a nightmare.” He says softly.

You gasped loudly and scrambled to sit up, breathing heavily. You looked around the room to gather your surroundings. You then broke down in tears when you didn’t see Bucky. Steve wrapped his arms around you, pulling you onto his lap.

“You’re ok. You’re safe with me.” Steve whispers.

“I miss Bucky.” You say, your voice cracking.

“I do too.” He says softly.

Your crying died down after a few minutes and you fell back to sleep.

“Hey! You said you’d go it easy on me.” Steve playfully jokes.

“I told you I wouldn’t use my powers and do it your way. So technically I am going easy on you.” You giggled.

A couple weeks later, you and Tony managed to work out his differences with you. Steve has been helping you train. Actually, you two are playing around at the moment.

“You know, you can go a little harder on me. I can handle it. I am Captain America after all.” He says.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Stevie.” You say jokingly.

You did a move Steve taught you. Actually, Bucky taught you years ago. Steve is just helping you improve it. You kicked his feet out from underneath him and he fell onto the mat on the floor. You shocked yourself when you did that.

“Woah. That was cool.” You say, still shocked.

“So it’s cool that you knocked me to the ground?” He jokes.

“N-No! I was just- I never done that before. Actually, I’ve done it a couple times.” You babbled.

Steve reaches up and pulls you down to the floor with him. Actually, you landed on top of him.

“I’m not mad. I’m impressed, sweetheart.” He says.

You two stared in each other’s eyes. You and Steve got caught up in the moment and one thing led to another and Steve kissed you.

“I don’t think Bucky would approve of this if he found out.” You giggled softly.

“It’ll be our little secret.” Steve whispers and playfully winks.

Steve stood up and helped you up.

“Can I tell you something?” You asked nervously.

“You can tell me anything, Y/N.” He says.

“I’m in love with you.” You tell him. “I’m not just saying that cause we kissed a couple times. I feel a connection between us and-” Steve kissed you to get you to stop blabbing.

“I’m in love with you too, sweetheart.” He whispers and smiles at you.

“Really?” You asked.

“Yes.” He answers, kissing you again. “I love you, darling.” He whispers.

“I love you too, Stevie.” You whispered back with a smile.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

-Bucky’s Doll

[waynes-multiverse]

The Exit Strategy – Part 4

Summary: Russell is ready to hang it all up and retire, open up a brewery, and enjoy the rest of his civilian life. However, there’s one important thing missing before he can take the big plunge. Luckily, he knows just the right person to help him find it.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader

Warnings: 18+, language, fluff, some angst & feels, family secrets, spy stuff, a bit of spiciness

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: Welcome back, friends! We're diving a bit into Shaw family secrets this week – fully Wayne's version, though. While I did read the books, there's no major spoilers**, so don't you worry. I just played with an idea here 🤓 I also won't be fully diving into the Shaw family life, but some things are heavily hinted to be... fishy here 👀 Enjoy & let me know what you think! 🤍

**There's a small part where Russell tells Colter about their parents. It's mentioned in the books that their mother was a psychiatrist. I took that and ran with it 🤷‍♀️

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Part 4: This Is Not an Exit

“You’ve been walking down memory lane a lot tonight,” you teased with a nudge of his ribs, still tightly cuddled in his warm embrace in the freezing basement.

“Haven’t you?”

“No, I have,” you admitted with a melancholic sigh. “Maybe we should stop dwelling on the past so much. Think more about the future…”

Russell scoffed a small chuckle. “Dory said something similar not that long ago. Actually the reason why I came here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, his fingers absently drawing circles on your arm. “I think it’s time we retire, sweetheart. I mean, after everything we’ve been through, I think we deserve to, right? You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I’m surprised we’re even still here, considering how many war zones we’ve been in.”

“Well, you know what they say – beware the old soldier because he’s old for a reason,” you said with a smile.

“Yeah, think I might be getting a little too old…” Russell chucked lightly, running a hand through his long hair. “So? What d’you think? One last hurrah, and then we hang this up? I was thinking maybe we could open up a brewery, you know? A family place. Bet the kids would love it.”

“Sounds nice,” you said with a yearning smile. You wanted all of that and more. “I’d love to retire with you.”

“But?”

You laughed slightly at his anticipating look. “But I don’t think you can yet.”

His eyebrows drew together till they met above the bridge of his freckled nose. “What d’you mean? I just told you I’m ready.”

“You say you are, but you aren’t,” you replied like the annoying Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. “Have you solved the murder yet?”

Russell licked his lips, which was his telltale sign that you caught him there. After all, you knew him better than anyone in this world – knowing when he needed to be pushed and shoved was part of it.

“No, but I don’t need to anymore. Look, the only reason I wanted to solve it was because I thought I had to prove my innocence to Colter. And well, turns out I didn’t. He believed me anyways, so…”

“That wasn’t the only reason,” you reminded him with a scrutinizing look.

“Maybe, but like I said – Dory thinks we should keep all this bullshit in the past, and after the last three years, I’m starting to agree with her,” Russell said, dragging a hand over his face.

“Look, if that’s what you want–”

“It’s what I want,” he assured you and placed a hand on your thigh, gently squeezing it. “Having my little brother and sister back is enough. I don’t need more. Nothing good ever comes from being greedy.”

You nodded in understanding, clearing your throat. “Still, in the name of our deal to always be honest, I kinda have to confess something.”

Rising from your seat, you dusted off your awful, flowery skirt and wandered to the wall safe once more, retrieving a thick folder from it. You took your place next to Russell again, his questioning eyes meeting yours as you handed him your research.

“When you didn’t come back after a year or so, I started looking into it as well. Might have done a full deep-dive,” you admitted with a bite of your lip.

Russell shot you a chiding look, shaking his head, but most of all, he was worried. “I told you to leave it alone. You don’t know what sorta people we’re dealing with here, but we do know they’re dangerous.”

“I know. I just wanted to help. Figured I could speed it along. I do have more access than you,” you countered softly. “I’m sorry, okay? But I was careful. I promise.”

“Good,” he said and looked at you, interlacing your fingers with his. “‘Cause the last thing I want is losing you over this bullshit, too.”

Nodding, you squeezed his hand in reassurance. “There’s something you should know, though.” He raised his brow anew – you’d always been full of surprises. Life certainly had never been boring. “Someone accessed the files after me.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. Definitely had a higher clearance than me, though,” you replied.

Russell threw his arms up, and you could see he was getting more upset again. “See? This is what I’m talking about! The whole point of us separating was to keep you and the kids away from it. Otherwise, we could’ve just stayed together, and I could’ve joined Horizon anyways.”

“I know that, too,” you said remorsefully. “But don’t worry. I wasn’t followed, and no one ever came after me. I made sure of it. It’s been two years now. They probably figured it was nothing after I didn’t reach out to you straight away.”

“Still… I don’t want you involved, alright?”

“What about Colter? Doesn’t he want to know? He doesn’t strike me as someone who just lets things go,” you noted observantly.

Russell clicked his tongue – a sign of defeat. “He isn’t, but he’s not gonna find anything either. I mean, the only reason I know is because you were so relentless and kept digging.”

“You haven’t told him what we found out?”

Russell licked his lips and admitted quietly, “No. I don’t think it does anyone any good to keep looking into this.”

Leaning forward and hugging your knees, your head bobbed pensively. “I thought you guys talked about what happened?”

“We did. Kinda… It’s complicated,” he stated, swallowing. “Dory was easy, you know? I guess she never really believed it… But it took a while till Colter even picked up the phone, let alone answered a goddamn text message. Had to get a little annoying.”

You smirked. “Well, you’re good at that. That’s how you won me over.”

“By being persistent?”

“Exactly. Like a tardigrade.” You grinned. “I mean, you kind of are doing it now again, too.”

He chuckled quietly. “Yeah, guess so.”

“Is that why you haven’t told him about me and the kids? Because you’re not sure about him yet?”

“Partially, yeah,” he admitted. “I guess I wanted to protect you. And maybe myself a little, too… Not sure I’m ready for those two worlds to meet yet, you know? I mean, you and the kids are the best things that ever happened to me, and when I look at Colter or Dory, I’m sometimes reminded of the worst things in my life.”

“What about your mother?”

Russell let out an exhaustive sigh that was half amused. “Geez, you haven’t changed a bit. You still ask the most uncomfortable questions possible.”

You laughed a little. “Gathering intelligence in uncomfortable ways is kind of my job, Shaw.”

“Yup, and no one’s better at it than you, sweetheart,” Russell quipped.

“So I’m guessing it’s a no on Mommie Dearest?”

Russell licked his lips, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna see her. Mostly because I don’t even know what to fucking say anymore,” he said. “I don’t want her to meet the kids either.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him and took his hand in yours. “It’s your choice, Russ. We go at your pace, alright?”

“Thank you.” Russell brought your intertwined hands to his lips, kissing the back of your hand before he looked at you deeply, a smile dancing across his plump lips. “I love you.”

You mirrored his smile, your heart fluttering like a wild butterfly in your chest. “I love you, too.”

“I’ll tell them – Dory and Colter. I want this to work,” he promised. “Just… after we finish this. I want him to have a clear head. I prefer not to get him killed, you know?”

“I get it. I thought the same thing when I first met you, too,” you joked, patting his chest. “But you brought him into this. It’s kinda on you.”

Russell scratched his bearded chin. “Yeah, but I didn’t exactly know what I’d bring him into.”

“Didn’t you, though?”

Amused, Russell bobbed his head. “Yeah, maybe I did,” he acknowledged. “You know, when Manny called me–”

Your eyes widened. “Manny called you?”

Russell blinked at you, brow creased in confusion. “Yeah, why?”

“That motherfucker…”

Furiously, you stomped to the desk and grabbed the radio. “Drone-5. This is Queen Bee-1. Report to Hive.”

The static of the radio cracked almost instantly, as if the idiot had been waiting all night for this call. “Yo, Queen Bee-1. How’s my boy?” Manny’s laugh echoed through the basement.

Russell’s glowing cheeks reached his eyes when he heard his friend’s voice. He’d known the guy almost as long as Doug.

“You’re the one who fucking told him?!” you yelled into the radio, almost crushing the device in your hand.

“To be fair, I told him not to engage with tango,” Manny sheepishly replied.

“Ha-ha, funny. Fuck you,” you huffed and tossed Russ the walkie-talkie. He caught it with one hand.

His boyish grin widened as he pushed the button. “You know, Drone-5, you could’ve told me you were actually working this thing.”

“Aw, you know I can’t do that. But I guess congrats on crashing another operation. You’re Worker Bee-3 now. Old habits die hard, huh?” Manny chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess…” Russell replied with a lighthearted chuckle, but his teeth tugged pensively at his lips.

“Great to have you back, brother. Hope this works out for you. See you on the other side, man. Oh, and could you move like three feet to the left and turn the washer off? We can barely hear and see you guys, and Drone-2 just ran out to grab popco–”

“No, absolutely not. Out,” you snapped as you grabbed the radio from Russ. He laughed as you put it furiously back on the desk. You knew what you had signed up for, but you still deserved some privacy. Annoyed, you took off your cross necklace – another bug – and settled down beside him again.

“What did he say when he called you?”

“Nothing much, really. Just told me your coordinates and that you like to pick up your mail at three o’clock at the local post office,” Russell replied.

You shook your head, smiling. “Well, he always loved you, so…” You started to chew on your lower lip, the anxiety in your belly returning. For the sake of your mind and heart, you had to make sure Russell was fully back, and this wasn’t just a fluke. “You know, I worry sometimes that if you don’t face this thing with your family, you’ll always feel this way. I mean, after Lewis was born–”

“I know.” Russell nodded, swallowing thickly. He saw the worry shimmering in your eyes, and it cracked his heart a little. “I know I kinda lost it there. Took me by surprise, too. Trust me. Figured I had dealt with all that shit already, you know? But I guess seeing you with him and feeling all that love myself, I just-… I don’t know. I don’t know how she could do it… Ashton was one thing, but she just stood by. And I don’t even know what the hell she was up to while he took us out into those woods…” He shook his head as if to rattle the answer out of his brain. “And then when we found out you were pregnant again… I mean, I’d barely held it together with Lewis. Everything just became a blur. I couldn’t think straight anymore, and I worried all the time I’d be like them…”

“I tried to help,” you said softly.

“I know you did. Guess this was just something I had to figure out on my own,” he replied with a beat shrug.

“How’s your vision now? Still blurry?”

“Clearer than ever.” A smile flickered alive on his lips, green eyes boring into yours as he leaned in and kissed you slowly like he meant every word. Blowing a raspberry, he then turned his attention to the file in his lap. “So, what am I gonna find in there?”

“Honestly, nothing we haven’t already puzzled together,” you replied, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. “But I found a couple of names associated with your parents. Thought maybe you could look at them and see if you recognize the person you saw in the woods.”

“I already know where this is going…”

“Russ, please, just–”

Russell interrupted you, placing a soothing palm on your thigh that curbed your enthusiasm. “I’ll think about it, alright?”

Satisfied, you raised two placating hands. “All I was asking…”

“How was the lasagna?”

After four hours in the basement, you and Russell quietly treaded up the stairs a few minutes after midnight, finding Colter in the kitchen, eating leftovers out of the ceramic form in the warm glow of the stove light. Tom, on the other hand, had passed out on the couch, only the blue flickers of the TV and the soft noises of a peaceful nature documentary filling the silence of the dark living room.

“Excellent,” Colter stated, swallowing down a mouthful of lasagna before speaking. “I told Tom he should be a chef in a restaurant or something.”

Russell’s brow knitted in doubt. “Really? Lemme try.”

“You just ate two entire bags of junk. You can’t still be hungry,” you argued with a giggle, shaking your head.

“It’s lasagna,” Russell said simply, grabbed a fork from the drawer, and dove right in.

That man would eat anything. You’d seen him do it, too. He didn’t even go hungry when he was lost in a desert.

“Wow, that is good,” Russell announced his judgement with a full mouth. “Maybe we should hire Tom for the brewery, huh?”

“I’m guessing this means you two talked?” Colter asked with a carefully arched brow.

“Hmm. I don’t know,” Russell mused in jest. “What d’you say, sweetheart? You taking me back?”

You rolled your eyes at his antics. “Guess I have to. God knows returning you is impossible.”

Russell laughed and slung an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. He kissed your temple.

But then you noticed Colter’s smile falter, his brows creasing in question. “Is your hair different?”

“Shit!”

Wide-eyed, you bolted back down the creaking stairs to the basement, hearing Russell’s laughter fill the kitchen.

“Was she wearing a wig? And her eyes too, right?” Puzzled, Colter tried to piece it all together. He had already figured by your extensive vocabulary of swear words that you might be a better match for his older brother than he had initially surmised.

“Yup, all fake, man,” Russell confirmed and smirked. “Still think she’s not my type yet?”

“No, I can see it now,” Colter admitted, chuckling. “So, you guys are good?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Russell nodded and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, swallowing.

Colter’s smile widened, filling the older Shaw’s stomach with more guilt. “That’s great. Happy for you, man. Guess that means you’re retiring now, huh?”

Russell scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, we’ll see. Always depends on what the wife decides, you know?”

Yup, he sprinkled that important bit of information into a joke. Then, he watched his little brother take a stumped step back, brow furrowing and unfurrowing and then furrowing again.

“Wha-, wife?”

Russell produced a popping sound with his lips like the noise of a bottle when the cork was pulled. Welp, this bottle was surely open now.

“Yup, got married in Thailand in 2011,” he added another helpful tidbit of information, but Colter’s jaw dislodged all the same.

“Alright, got this all figured out,” you said, sauntering back into the kitchen with a pastel pink towel wrapped around your head and a matching bathrobe. You’d just grabbed them from the dryer, the fluffy material still cozily warm. It was the best option, considering you didn’t want to mess around with your wig as well after popping the lenses back in had already cost you most of your patience. In your little bubble of bliss, you hadn’t instantly noticed the brothers staring at you. But once you did, your brows morphed into a frown. “What’s going on?”

“You two are married?” Colter asked, a pointed finger flicking from Russell to you.

You threw your arms up, looking at your husband. “I was gone for five minutes! What happened to telling him after the operation?”

Russell offered you a sheepish shrug. “Well, this old soldier’s getting weak too, apparently.”

“He said it like a joke…” Colter mumbled, still in the middle of processing this new revelation. His older, estranged-but-now-less-strange brother had a wife. A family. Friends. And he knew none of it. What else was there? Kids?

“Yeah, he does that...” You shot your husband a scolding sideways look. “Should I leave you two alone for this?” you then offered, hoping the answer was a goddamn yes.

“Why would you? You’re family, right?” Colter retorted with a dry smile and a sharp look.

You pursed your lips. While you could see some similarities between the brothers, you took note of one big difference: Russell wasn’t as sarcastic and sharp-tongued. Probably because Russell had always been more concerned with what he should, would, or could share with people in an overthinking loop, while his younger brother seemed obviously free of that burden.

“Don’t take it out on her,” Russell stepped in gently, which really was a warning. “She didn’t know about any of this. Kinda pushed her into it.”

“Seems to be your style,” Colter scoffed.

“Can’t work for the CIA without going through a baptism of fire, little brother,” Russell said simply, giving an unapologetic shrug of his shoulders.

“Why would you not tell me?” Colter stared at him, his look a mix of reproach and agitation.

“Look, you weren’t exactly welcoming during our first meeting,” Russell argued with a bit of bark in his deep voice, although confrontation was probably not the best approach. But why should he always have to take the blame for everything? He’d already done that for more than two decades.

“That was months ago,” Colter countered, scowling. “I’d like to think I’ve come around since then… Coulda told me after we saved Doug.”

Russell let out a small sigh of defeat, rolling his eyes back slightly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “No, yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, man, alright?” he apologized earnestly.

With a questioning brow, you carefully nudged your husband’s arm. “What happened to Doug? Is he alright?”

“Yeah, uh, he went to work for Horizon with me. I’ll tell you later, okay?” Russell replied, his voice a lot quieter as if sharing a secret, and if Horizon was involved he probably was.

“Is Tracy okay?”

“She’s fine. Little shook up. You should probably give her a call. Smooth things out,” Russell told you.

Tracy thought you worked in marketing at some company for the government. Whenever you, Russell, and Doug were stuck on a mission, the boys made you call her to “smooth things out” – aka reassuring her everything was certainly fine with her husband and he wasn't in any danger at all. They’d once made you call her from a Black Hawk. The noise had been fun to explain away – you’d told her you were picking up a client from a helicopter pad.

Colter chewed on the insides of his cheeks. “So she knows Doug, too?”

Russell nodded. “Yeah, me and Doug were mostly Delta, but SAD liked to borrow us from time to time. We ran in her team for quite a while. She was actually the one who recruited me.”

At his little wink your way, you smiled. He’d come along way from the sweet boy you had once teased like a special-forces-trained kindergartner.

“Listen, things were obviously a little complicated between me and her the last few years,” Russell (under)stated. “But I’ve brought you here for a reason, okay? Figured it’s time you meet your sister-in-law.”

Eyes drifting from you to Russell, Colter pursed his lips – a tell he shared with his brother.

“Are you mad? I can’t tell.” Frowning, Russell tilted his head.

“No,” you absentmindedly replied for Colter, who gave you a curious look but steered his attention back to Russell.

“No,” the younger Shaw repeated your assumption. “I mean, not more than I was before, you know?”

Russell’s creases only deepened. “No, I don’t know.”

“He means he’s indifferent about knowing or not knowing we’re married because he’s already pissed about not knowing about my existence in general,” you explained.

“Ah. Your nerd is showing, sweetheart,” Russell teased you with a smile that made your heart melt.

“Dory would like her,” Colter commented like the thought had just popped into his head – something else he didn’t share with his brother.

You’d always wondered about the youngest Shaw of the three. Russell could never tell you much about Dory. His memory had been one of a smart and feisty nine-year-old, not a young woman and physics professor.

Thumbing at you, Russell cocked a brow at his brother. “Is she right, though?”

“Spot on, actually.” Colter’s tongue poked his cheek, his gaze flickering with a hint of astonishment and new-found respect for you. “And I guess I’m not really mad either way. Just… surprising, you know? I should’ve asked. That’s on me.”

Russell seemed more than a little baffled to hear this, considering he had to pause to find an appropriate response. “No, uh, we’re good. I could’ve just told you, anyways.”

“Yeah, no, that’s alright.” Colter swallowed, sending his older brother a smile of forgiveness. “Honestly, I was glad to hear you weren’t alone all this time, so…”

Russell’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he pushed down the lump in his throat. With a nod, he averted his green eyes to the kitchen floor. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”

“Aw, aren’t you guys adorable,” you teased.

Colter wanted to retort something dry-witted, but Russell held up a warning finger. “Ah – wait for it… Trust me. She’s not done.”

“You girls need tissues or a tampon, maybe?”

“Oh, Dory would definitely like her,” Colter repeated his earlier statement with an amused grin.

Russell, on the other hand, shot you a pointed look, but that had barely ever stopped you before. “Okay, you can lay down. You don’t have to give him the initiation. No hazing my little brother,” he ordered you sternly, and you stifled a snort. “And no one better kidnaps him tonight and puts a bag over his head, alright? I don’t wanna pick him up beaten and bloody from some warehouse tomorrow morning.”

“Hm, what?” Colter’s brow furrowed. For the first time, you could see slight panic spread in his pupils.

Who was hazing who now?

You rolled your eyes in feigned annoyance. “Fine, we’ll leave him alone,” you acted your capitulation.

The younger Shaw blinked at you. “Thank you?”

“Should we at least tell him about the other thing while we’re at it?” you asked Russell with a suggestive look.

Thoughtfully, he paused for a beat, then clicked his tongue. “No, I got it from here. It’s getting late. We’ve been here long enough,” he decided. “This is less becoming a friendly ‘welcome-to -the-neighborhood’ dinner and more starting to look like an orgy to the neighbors. Especially since you’ve put on the robe.”

“It just came from the dryer. Look, it’s so soft and warm,” you argued, pouting, your palms caressing the fluffy material on your arms.

“Uh-huh.”

The little bob of his Adam’s apple made you grin slyly. The way his jaw ticked and his pupils widened with a primal hunger, you could tell he wanted to tear that robe right off of you. The thought caused a shudder to run down your spine.

“What, uh, other thing do you have to tell me?” Colter asked and smiled expectantly, tapping his fingers on the the counter.

Russell, however, grabbed his arm and dragged his curious little brother toward the exit. “I’ll tell you in the car,” he said and thumbed to the front door behind his shoulder. “Wait outside. Gimme five minutes, alright?”

Wordlessly, Colter nodded without argument, gave you a quick goodbye-wave of his hand, and strolled leisurely back to his car as if he knew exactly what his older brother intended to do.

As expected, Russell impatiently conquered your lips, roughly pressing you against the foyer’s wall, your arms draping around his neck.

“What’s the bedroom situation in this place?” he asked between kisses.

“First floor, west side, third window from the right. I’ll leave it unlatched,” you replied, smiling against his lips. “Tom’s always sleeping on the couch. Part of our cover is going to marriage counseling with Pastor Jeff, which happens to work out great for us.”

You exhaled a shuddered breath when one of his hands wandered past the robe and splayed warm against your ribcage, just underneath your breast. His thumb fought an itch to get closer.

“Wouldn’t do that, baby,” you murmured into his ear with an amused smirk. “That boner’s not gonna go away in five minutes.”

“Mmm, I know,” he groaned and dropped his head between your boobs, lips pressing a chaste kiss to your collarbone. If he continued on with this, your arousal would surely streak down your bare thighs soon. Luckily, he had mercy on the both of you. “I’ll talk to him and then come back, okay?”

You nodded with a smile. He kissed your lips, then your forehead, and then disappeared through the door with the same cometary velocity he had entered your vision.

And all you could do was hope you’d see him one more time in your life.

“So?”

4.3 seconds after Colter killed the engine of his pickup in a spot a block away to the west side of your house – as per Russell’s very specific instruction – he stared scrutinizingly at his older brother.

Impatience was also a family trait – one even their father had despised.

“Look, uhm, there’s no easy way to break the news…”

“Is this about you having two kids?”

When Russell’s eyes met Colter’s, he didn’t recognize any anger, hurt or resentment in them – just pure slyness. At least that was good news. His little brother was just going to be annoying about this whole thing.

“Yeah, remember those five minutes you left me alone in the car? I called Bobby. Had him check some things out for me. Wasn’t easy to find. I’ll give you that…”

As expected, Colter was going to be a smartass about it. He figured it out on his own. He won the game.

“Hmm.” Russell pursed his lips, nodding. “You do know the CIA is on your guy’s ass now, right? Shouldn’t have done it in their perimeter, man. Manny’s probably all over this by now…”

Then his brow knit as if the thought of his old friend had provoked an idea, his head tilting with narrowed eyes at the air vents on the dashboard. How long had that car been parked outside and out of sight again?

Like a game of Operation, Russell then used thumb and pointer finger as his tweezers to retrieve a tiny bug – the spy kind.

“Gotcha,” Russell muttered, smirking. He then held the bug close to the speakers of the radio before turning up the volume to its highest setting – only for a second. He switched the radio off, rolled down the window, and threw the unwanted listening device onto the pavement. “That should teach ‘em a lesson…”

Colter cocked an incredulous brow at his brother. “They bugged my car?”

“Oh, trust me, they bug anything they can get their greedy little hands on,” Russell retorted. “Would probably check for a tracker underneath, too.”

“Great, thanks,” Colter huffed wryly.

“Hey, you wanted in. That’s what they do,” Russell reminded him, shrugging, but there was a smile of amusement on his lips.

Colter only bobbed his head. “So, you and her? You guys are good now? Just like that? Seemed… easy. Sorta…”

Russell chuckled lightly, brushing a hand through his beard. He knew his relationship with you was unconventional, but it had always worked for you and him.

“Me and Y/N have a deal, you know? It’s not all black and white. I mean, we became aware a long time ago that the two of us operate in a lot of gray zones. But, uh, we always know we can rely on each other, you know? Doesn’t matter if we’ve been separated by time or space,” Russell explained to the best of his abilities.

“So what happened?” Colter prompted with the same amount of confusion. “Why did you guys split up? I saw on the birth certificate your daughter was only two years old. I mean, did you-… did you even know?”

Russell inhaled deeply, nodding. “I knew she was pregnant. When she told me back then, I-…” He paused, licking his lips. It wasn’t something he had ever talked about with anyone before – not even you. “Well, shortly after that, I had a breakdown and I-… I almost hurt her.” He choked on the words, fighting the sting in his eyes.

He’d tried so hard to forget, wasn’t even sure he had ever really apologized for it to you because he so badly didn’t want it to exist that he’d tried to wish it out of literal existence, and hence, never really blamed you for leaving like you did. He understood. In fact, he had even wished you’d leave. He had convinced himself you’d be better off without him – something he still believed to be true – but he also knew he wasn’t better off without you.

He’d been lost and alone. And maybe, he was being selfish by crashing back into your life now. Or Dory’s. And Colter’s.

“I mean, nothing ever really bad happened. It’s just-… That night I came scarily close,” Russell confessed, swallowing thickly. He still hated himself for that night and everything that followed. “It’s like a switch flipped, you know? I couldn’t do anything against it… And Lewis saw parts of it, and I was already impatient with him and short with her the weeks before, so I just left that night and disappeared for two months. Volunteered for some mission. Figured it was best for everybody.”

It’s better off if he never comes back…

Russell licked his chapped lips. The next part was the hardest.

“When I got back, she told me she got a job offer in another country, and that she would be taking it and taking Lewis with her. She wanted me to use the time to… I don’t know… solve this, I guess.” He let out a humorless scoff at the painful memory.

Russell hadn’t seen it at first, maybe because he hadn’t wanted to, his anger and pain blurring the truth. After his son had been born, Russell knew you could see him struggling, so you started digging deeper into his family and what really happened. And when you’d found something – Horizon – you’d told him you could infiltrate. Naturally, Russell had passed a hard no – it had been a five-hour long fight, but he'd emerged victoriously by the end. So, you’d told him he should do it, but he didn’t want to leave you, and he didn’t want to endanger and jeopardize his family.

He’d told he was fine, but he wasn’t. It kept gnawing on him – and gnawing and gnawing and gnawing… till you eventually pulled the plug and ended his suffering.

“I was exhausted, so I told her we’d talk about it in the morning. When I woke up, they were gone. Didn’t even notice she’d already packed.”

Colter was silent for a beat. “Was it PTSD or something?”

“Or somethin’,” replied Russell.

“But you’re good now?” Colter checked with a warily raised brow.

“Guess so…”

Truthfully, Russell didn’t know if he was or wasn’t. He’d tried hard to figure out what it was exactly that had set him off that night and fix it, but he didn’t know if that feeling would ever disappear for good. He just knew he had never felt that way again since then. But could he guarantee it would never come back?

He didn’t know.

“Look, all I know is, seeing you and Dory again helped, so…” Russell twitched his shoulders and sighed. He didn’t know what else to say, how to explain it better, but Colter seemed to understand anyway, reading between the lines.

Russell worried he’d be like their father.

“I think I get it.” The younger Shaw nodded and licked his lips. “You know, you’re not crazy like Dad was, Russ. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re crazy in your own way, but I wouldn’t worry about the other stuff.”

“Well, thanks,” Russell said, not convinced but appreciative of the vote of confidence. “Makes at least one of us…”

“I-, uh, I noticed their names,” Colter then said and clarified, “Lewis and Amelia. Like explorers. Like us.”

“Ah.” Russell smacked his lips and brushed it off, “Wasn’t really my idea. I told Y/N that story once. Guess she took a liking to it..”

“Are you, you know, gonna tell Mom?”

Russell was almost surprised by the question. The brothers had barely talked about their mother since they’d reconnected. Considering Colter had never brought her up again after their first meeting, Russell figured there was a reason for that – and he thought he probably knew the reason, too.

Russell scoffed a chuckle and looked at his little brother with an almost incredulous look. “I think you can guess the answer to that one,” he replied and figured it said enough. “Did you tell her I came back?”

Colter pursed his lips, and Russell took it as a sign of admission. So his mother knew. Great…

“Sorta,” Colter admitted hesitantly.

“What d’she say?” Russell almost smiled out of amusement. He already knew the answer, but his brother still seemed reluctant. “C’mon, you can tell me. I’m not gonna be butthurt after twenty years…”

“She told me to ignore you,” Colter finally confessed, but the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. They had ever since his mother said them, but even more so now that he knew his brother – and parts of the truth.

“Hmm,” Russell hummed with tight lips and ground his jaw.

Granted, the confession stung more than Russell would ever be willing to admit. The tiny, naive part inside of him had constructed a hopeless fantasy of his mother having a sudden change of heart over the last two decades and happily welcoming her firstborn back. Apparently, not a thing had changed, though, and he cursed himself for feeling disheartened.

“But I actually haven’t talked to her in a while now,” Colter added with a small shrug, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Huh, really?”

“Yeah, uh, and when I did, I didn’t exactly tell her I didn’t take her advice, you know? So…”

“Why not?” Russell’s brow furrowed a little more as he analyzed each word, simultaneously realizing why he had been so reluctant to share his life with Colter before – his subconscious had been afraid his alienated little brother would report back to the mothership.

Colter’s lips pursed. “Because I disagree.”

“Ah.”

Colter chewed on his lower lip. “Look, I know you and Dory wanna keep all of this in the past and play family – and trust me, I want that too,” he assured, but his heart was beating fast in his chest. “But I need to know, man. I need to know why she lied about this for twenty years and, you know, did all of this,” he insisted, and yet, Russell could tell he wasn’t done. He might have broken the dam. “She did it to you. I mean, aren’t you mad?”

“Of course I’m mad,” the older Shaw admitted, but there was no fire behind his words.

“Then why are you so calm?”

Amused, Russell chuckled, shrugging. “Probably ‘cause I’ve been dealing with this a lot longer than you, little brother.”

“So, what are we gonna do now?”

“We ain’t gonna do anything,” Russell clarified, his voice stern. He’d die to protect his family, you and the kids, and do anything in his power to keep you out of it, but Colter was a grown-up – a free agent. If he didn’t want to listen, Russell couldn’t force him. “Look, you wanna find out, you go find out. And if you do find something and need help, you call. But I can’t be involved in this,” he explained, his firm expression morphing into something more vulnerable and sincere. “And frankly, I don’t care that much. You, me, Dory, Y/N, the kids – that’s all that matters, trust me. You’re not gonna feel better or more… whole after finding those answers.”

“How do you know? Do you know what really happened?” Colter instantly asked, and Russell knew in that moment, it’d be hopeless. His brother wouldn’t stop till he found it – forever restless.

“No, I told you. I don’t,” Russell repeated, and while he didn’t know everything, he omitted that he knew something.

“What about Y/N?”

Russell froze at the bare mention of your name, his protective instincts kicking in. “Leave her out of this,” he all but snarled.

But Colter didn’t think about stopping. “Did you ever ask her? I mean, she’s CIA. She could probably find out something, right?”

“Yeah, I asked her once, alright? Was a long time ago,” Russell admitted, sighing. The intended lie would stick better if there was some truth to it – you had taught him that.

“C’mon, Russ… And?” Colter impatiently threw his arms up, brow raising higher and higher as he waited for an answer.

“She never found anything,” Russell said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

This time, it wasn’t just an omission. It was a blatant lie.

“I think whatever Dad was involved in – or both of ‘em – was just some activist shit. I don’t think the government cares.” Lie. “We both know he had a mental thing. Paranoid, probably schizophrenic… I mean, Mom used to pump him full of meds sometimes when he got too out of hand.” Truth. He then stole a glance at his little brother and saw the confusion shimmering on his face. Russell scoffed. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

Quietly, Colter shook his head.

“Well, you were a kid,” Russell said and hoped it would curb the blow slightly, although he knew better than that. “He always took something as far back as I can remember. She used to prepare his pills every evening after you and Dory went to bed. But when we moved to the cabin, he started refusing to take them. Said they made him ‘not clear-headed enough.’ Kinda ironic,” he shared and snorted. “When it got too bad, though, she’d still crush ‘em into his food.”

Colter took everything in with a nod but didn’t say anything more.

“You good over there?” Russell checked after a full minute had passed.

“Yeah,” Colter said and even tried to form a reassuring smile before the attempt failed. Instead, he swallowed. “Just a lot, you know? I didn’t know. I mean, I had some idea, but not-… not that.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Russell said, his voice almost a whisper in the silence of the night. “Like I said, you were a kid…”

When Russell finally left the car to sneak back to you, his shoulders felt a little lighter and his heart a little calmer. He might just float through that unlatched window tonight.

The bad news was, though, he might not be able to retire just yet.

Part 5: This Is a Start – FEBRUARY 7

Honestly, I should've called this chapter "Heart-to-Heart Part II" 😂 I'll see you for the finale next week, but as you know, it's not the end for them – only just the beginning 😉

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[longlivedelusion]

Stress Reliever

Summary: Your regular checkup with your doctor who also happens to be your boyfriend goes... differently than you imagined.

Warnings: Smut. Eating out. Reader is afab. Some ice play. Minor angst.

A/N: This is inspired by this post because I'm feral and Love & Deepspace has become a hardcore fixation. We are locked in baby! Enjoy Zayne girlies~ (I know I did).

It had been a few months since Zayne and I started officially dating, and today marked the second checkup I've had with him since we got together. Sure, I'd been his patient a while now, but this new dynamic of doctor/boyfriend was still an adjustment to say the least.

I struggled with what boundaries to set in times like these, even though it seemed like Zayne was a natural. He treated me like any other patient, was professional in all senses when I was in the office, just to get a text the moment I leave the grounds saying I "looked beautiful today."

So as I walked into the office with a set of papers on my latest blood work, I paused at the door and took a deep breath. Health first, partner second.

That thought went straight out the door however when I walked into the room, Zayne's demeanor a cool chill that swept across the room like a brewing winter storm. 

To the average eye, he was the same cool and collected doctor that everyone knew and respected, but as someone who knew him well I could immediately tell: he was pissed.

"Hello, please have a seat." He said without looking up, gesturing to the chair across from him. I made my way over just as he finished whatever he was looking at on his computer and directed his full, cold gaze on me.

"Hi. Um, I have my latest blood work here." I said, sliding the paperwork across the desk. He grabbed the papers with ease, looking them over as the noise caused from the movement became the only sound in the room. My hands settled back onto my lap nervously, gripping and sliding across the fabric as my mind struggled to hold back the worried girlfriend side of me. Health first, health first, health first... 

He looked over the exams silently, the tension in the room gliding over me like tar as my body tensed across from his seemingly calm one. I watched as his hand tapped slowly on the table, his lips suddenly pursing.

"Your iron is low again. Have you been following the nutrition plan I prescribed?" He said, knowing I hadn't been eating at home as much lately due to late work nights. I'd told him time and time again that I'd been eating my regular, healthy meals not to worry him, but in reality I had maybe skipped a meal or two out of forgetfulness. Maybe three.

"I've been trying to, but with work I might have slipped here or there." I said, knowing there was no point to lying to him now. I tried to stop the guilt from flashing across my features.

"I see." His words clipped. He set the papers down carefully and leaned forward, linked hands together. His eyes bore into mine with a quiet fierceness I knew well, making me look away.

"I'm sorry, I'll be better about it. I'll-"

"There's no need to apologize. If you do not wish to follow my opinion as your primary care physician than that is your perogative." I couldn't read him, his emotions hidden behind stone as he stayed there a moment and then turned back to the computer. "Have you had any problems or discomfort in the past month?"

I looked at him, the familiar check-up questions throwing me out of my head a moment. "Uh, no. Everything's been good. Normal."

He nodded and continued typing. More silence. I felt my skin begin to itch as I struggled to hold to my earlier mantra. Was he mad at me? Did something happen today and I just made it worse? I know he worries.

"Seems we are all done here then. I just sent the signed certificate to your Captain, so you are free to go."

Wait what? "...just like that?" I asked. Normally he would avoid signing until I promised to take better care of myself or would at least scold me slightly before doing anything. Something was definitely up. 

"Yes." He said, not looking up. "I will see you in a few months."

I stood, taking that as a my cue to leave, but as I reached the door I paused. I felt the pull towards my partner, the desperate need to understand, to talk, to say fuck these boundaries and-

"Zay- Dr. Zayne." I hesitated as I turned back around. "Are you alright?"

He stilled for a fraction of a second before he continued his typing. "Why do you ask?"

"You seem off today and I was just concerned-"

"I'm quite alright." He said and didn't even look at me. He kept just typing and typing. I wasn't, couldn't take the next 9 hours waiting for him to get off work before I figured out what was going on. I'd go insane.

"Zayne," I said softly. "Please? Talk to me? I know we agreed to separate our work and personal lives but I'm really worried, this isn't like you. I know it's not just the iron thing."

He sighed, shoulders falling slightly as he closed his eyes. "It's nothing, darling. We can speak about it at home."

I move to the desk again, but this time around to face the side of my seated partner. "You won't be home for another 9 hours." My hand reached out to push his short hair behind his ear. "But if you really don't wanna talk about it, I understand."

He nuzzled into my hand, silent for a moment before he spoke, "It's the board. They've been reducing staff and resources from the Protocore Syndrome rehabilitation center in Maple Ridge due to the increase of need in other areas, but the cases in that area are unlike anything we've seen in other locations. They are pushing the staff already as is, yet they want to reduce it more."

He turned, moving my body in between his legs as his head settled on my chest. "I've been arguing with them all week about this and yet they won't listen. If they do this, a lot of people will die." He added with a sigh.

I keep stroking his hair back. "Oh, baby I'm so sorry. Maybe the Hunter's Association can help back up your claims? Maybe it'll be enough pull to get you the resources you need."

He shakes his head. "I've tried, but unless there's a public outcry or some miracle, I don't think there's much else we can do."

I gently pull his head back and he looks up at me with a slight furrow in his brow. "Don't give up. There had to be something else we're missing." I say, determination in my voice. "You're the Dr. Zayne, you'll find a way. I know it."

His eyes softened, looking at me with fondness and trepidation. "I may be good at my job, but I'm no miracle worker."

I shrug, "Maybe, maybe not, but you are stubborn. And determined. And that goes a long way."

And there, from the corner of his lips drew a small smile, "You are very good at comforting others, you know."

I smiled back, kissing his forehead gently. "I've been told once or twice." I pull back, and look at him again. "Is there anything I can do to help? Really, I wanna help you if I can." 

He paused, thinking deeply for a moment before he tilted his head to look at the door. "Perhaps there is one thing that you could do."

"What? Anything." I said with no hesitation.

He reached over to his comms channel and dialed the receptionist. "Miss Liǔ, please hold my appointments for 30 minutes and make sure nobody comes to my office in that time. I have an important call."

"Yes, Dr. Zayne."

The call ended and in that second I felt hands on my thighs as Zayne stood and lifted me onto the table. "Anything?" He repeated, face now mere centimeters from mine.

My breath hitched as I tried to form a single thought beyond fuck in that moment. "Zayne, this is your work, I mean anyone could hear us."

"Then I suppose you need to stay quiet then, don't you darling?" From his hand his Evol swirls until a cube of ice lands between his fingers, and he pulls back. "Open."

My eyes widen at the command but I do as he asks, mouth wide as he placed the cube on my tongue. The ice wasn't too cold surprisingly, but it still numbed my mouth somewhat.

"Don't stop sucking this cube, understood?" He said as he dropped to his knees. "Not until I tell you."

I nodded, pupils blown wide as I watched him make quick work of my pants. He shoved them down my legs, his mouth searing into my skin as he began his ascent up my thighs. His kisses were reverent, unrushed despite the ticking clock, the dual sensations of the cold and heat now rising in my body as I dropped my head and closed my eyes.

I felt his mouth inch it's way up, up, up closer to the growing wetness between my legs. I was still covered in that sense, and despite Zayne barely having touched me I was already brimming at the seams with want. It was always that way with him, somehow he could have me from 0 to 100 with barely a breath. 

Which, in that moment an actual breath took me from my thoughts as his mouth ghosted over my cunt. He drifted around it, yet never quite touching where I wanted. I felt everything leave my mind in that moment as a soft moan got stuck in my throat. I couldn't speak, couldn't beg, couldn't anything. So I settled for the next best thing.

I reached forward, hand grabbing onto his hair as I locked eyes with him, exuding every pleading thought I could into that stare. He simply chuckled and grabbed my hand, placing a gentle kiss on it before settling it back on the desk. "Patience, darling. I'm taking my time. After all, I need to relax."

With that he nuzzled into my clothed core, nose flickering over my clit as he let in a small inhale. "God, you smell divine." He said, the movement making me grip the desk. He licked a small stripe from the bottom up making me lift my body in reaction.

"You taste divine too."

He reached up to the edges of my panties, pulling them down and away as he greeted my now glistening core. His hands gripped my thighs as he let out a breathy "beautiful" before licking a long stripe up my folds.

Another moan got stuck in my throat as he began to suck on my sensitive bud, his tongue soothing it at random intervals before diving down and up again. The way his mouth moved over me, the care, the gentle lick to a fevered suck had my mind reeling. I started pulsing my hips upward, desperate to get more pressure where I needed, but Zayne just kept going at his own designated pace.

His hands tightened on my thighs as he pushed them down, a silent order as his mouth continued his ministrations, my juices slowly dripping down his chin and onto his desk.

My hands reached back for support as I instead sucked on the cube on my tongue for some sort of extra stimulation. One of my hands reached for my chest, pinching and kneading as my muffled keens grew more desperate.

Zayne was not a selfish lover by any means, but in this moment he couldn't care less about anything but his face between my thighs.

With the impending countdown of the clock, I felt a rush of adrenaline shoot through my system as desperation kicked in. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but the words struggled to come out with the ice on my tongue. "Pwease" was all I managed, the ice balancing on my tongue awkwardly as I spoke.

His eyes shot up to me, his mouth slowing and pushing back to an agonizing pace. It made me whine in frustration as Zayne's hand gave a warning squeeze. A reminder of who this was for and who was in charge here. But, to also trust him.

I sighed and nodded, legs widening as I struggled to keep myself in check. What mattered was he was getting what he needed to relax, and if that was by eating me out, well. Who was I to complain?

At that thought, the pressure began again and a new sensation filled my body as a finger began to press in. My body tensed at the intrusion, a muffled moan escaping Zayne's mouth from the tightness as he started to suck just a bit harder. His finger pushed in and out at a casual pace, curling and twisting as he explored its tight walls.

My body began writhing against the desk, pushing against him as he pumped his fingers. I reached forward, one hand still on the desk while the other grabbed his hair for dear life. He was a man enjoying every single bite of his meal, slowly, intentionally, yet desperate for more. 

Soon, a second finger pressed in, stretching me to heaven.

Whimpers and whines stayed caught in my throat as he began curving his fingers into a spot he knew well, one he knew that could have me screaming in any other circumstances. Despite the ice cube in my mouth, if anyone listened close enough to the door of infamous Dr. Zayne they would hear the desperate whines of his partner and the sounds of his fingers ravaging my cunt.

Closer and closer it built, the need to cum. Just that, a need. Zayne could tell too, his movements growing faster as he pumped into me hard and fast, tongue swirling and sucking with just the right pressure. My nerve endings felt alive, the cool ice barely grounding me in the present while his mouth kept me afloat in the sky. I could feel it growing closer and closer until-

"Mmm!" I sucked hard on the ice while I lurched forward, body shaking as my orgasm hit me with barely a warning. His hands pressed into me lazily through the aftershocks before he eventually he let them go and his mouth replaced them. He licked and sucked any remainder of cum before sucking his fingers clean as well. He let out a deep sigh.

"Incredible," he mumbled, a small smile on his lips as he rubbed gentle circles on my thighs. He stood then, leaning over me as he gently kissed my lips. The ice cube melted between our tongues as his Evol dissolved the magic and I sighed in relief.

"Thank you, darling." He said as he pulled back, forehead against mine. "I needed that."

I smiled, head reaching to stroke his cheek. "I'm glad to help." I said, the sincerity coating my words before I looked down. "What about you though? I can-"

He stopped my hand before it could touch him, moving it up to his lips instead. "I got everything I needed." He said as he kissed my palm, and then every finger. "I'm quite happy like this."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

He looked up then and smiled, the tension from earlier completely melted away. "Absolutely."

[tellmegoodbye]

Welcome to the first installment of my monthly rec lists, where at the end of every month, I share some of my favorite fics and tell you what I loved about them!

I hope to have one of these out each month, so stay tuned for more down the road. And please, don't forget to show these incredible writers some love.

---

The Railyard - @strandnreyes

Detective AU anyone? This fic combines so many tropes that I absolutely love. Only one bed, fake relationship, etc. All while we get to follow Tarlos as they solve the unfolding mystery! I also love the found family aspect that we have, even if it's not the most conventional origin story.

Somewhere In A Song - @paperstorm

I have been obsessed with this fic ever since the first chapter dropped. The premise of a musician AU already had me in a chokehold, but everything about this fic from the song choices to the development of Tarlos has been incredible. It has everything. Energized scenes where they perform for crowds, soft and vulnerable scenes when they're alone, and lots and LOTS of pining and tension.

So Damn Close - @ironheartwriter

This fic was an absolute TREAT of a 5x09 coda. I thought it was a beautiful take on what that conversation would have been like. These are the soft and inseparable soulmates we all know and love.

And if that wasn't amazing enough, we also have this gorgeous art by @sapphic--kiwi to accompany it!

A Storm From Heaven - @carlos-in-glasses

A beautiful coda from Cig. Is there any other kind? 5x11 has so many moments that deserve to expanded on, and of course one of them was the weight of the disappointment after the social worker left. I think the fic does a brilliant job of slowing that moment down and showing how TK and Carlos are supporting each other through this process.

Turn And Burn - @rangersoup

Carlos "good with horses" Reyes is here! And he's everything we've ever wanted. This fic takes you on an immersive journey into the world of horseback riding, combining present day with flashbacks that give us an insight into young Carlos. We're only one chapter in, but I'm excited to see where this story goes!

So Sick Of Online Love - @strandnreyes

This one is a lot of fun! If you love case fics, jealous TK, and Carlos being a badass, then this is something you need to go read. These are the type of Tarlos shenanigans that make me love them as a couple. They're equally playful and serious while working together to solve a case, and it's a beautiful reminder of how we don't have to lose that dynamic because we have so many fics like this keeping it alive for us.

My Love, I'll Run Through Everything To You - @kiras-sunshine

Another beautiful 5x09 coda! I especially love how this one dives into Carlos' feelings and how he was able to come to the decision that he did. This fic does a great job showing how he's healing, and how he and TK are getting through this as husbands.

Something Inside You Is Feeling Like I Do - @lemonlyman-dotcom

As much as we all love Tarlos, I also love reading fics that shine a light on other characters, and Lemon always does such a wonderful job with that! This fic shows us some of the ways in which Carlos and Marjan can relate when it comes to their relationships with their parents. They both found happiness, but they had to fight for it along the way, and I absolutely adore how this fic highlights their friendship in a way that we never get to see on a show.

Pull Apart The Darkness While We Can - @morganaspendragonss

Phoning all of my fellow Nanteo shippers and angst lovers! We've all been speculating on what exactly will happen to Mateo in the finale, and if you want an emotional, heartbreaking take on that, then this fic is for you! I swear, I sobbed when I got to the end.

Ready For The Ride - @theghostofashton

This is another coda that highlights the similarities between Carlos and Marjan's experiences. They conversation they have here is one that is very healing, knowing that they both have people who can understand the things they went through. I also loved found family vibes and the soft Tarlos moments we see in this fic as well.

Right Where You Left Me - @strandnreyes

Last but not least, this fic is the ULTIMATE angst with a happy ending experience. It's a take on what might have happened had Carlos not been ready to be a father to Jonah, and how Tarlos eventually comes back together. It will break your heart and put it back together again. It's sad, sweet, smutty, and everything you could ever want from a getting back together fic!

[raingems-blog]

Die first

Warnings: Angst, death, grief, brief suicidal ideation. Not proof read.

Summary: Reader dealing with grief after the loss of Victoria.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Mourning, that was the last thing you had expected to do but here you were, sitting at the grave site of your wife Victoria. In a strange way, you had seen this coming. The minute she had decided to align herself with Homelander after sending Stan to prison, you knew that it would only end badly.

Homelander was arrogant, that was something you could tell simply from a single interaction. Behind the smile that had never reached his eyes and cold dead eyes that unnerved you, you could see that stability was not something that he possessed. You had argued with Victoria, pleaded with her not to work with him, to take the out that Hughie was constantly offering her, but she dismissed it, insisting that this was for the security of you and Zoe's future, for your family's future.

Then as predicted, it all went wrong. Homelander had exposed Victoria live on air and you rushed backstage to check on her. Love made way to rage and protective instincts lead you to cuss Homelander in every language that you could think of. Strangely, he did not kill you or hurt you, you swore that their was a flicker of respect? It didn't matter, you didn't want it.

You didn't anticipate how quickly downhill everything would go. In your shock, you had crawled to your wife who was no longer whole. Blood staining your clothing, Her blood. It stained the fabric a crimson that you had never once anticipated it would, yet as you crawled to her corpse and gently took the ring off her still warm finger, it stained you.

You hated this state, this city this country. You wanted to move, but you couldn't. This was where Victoria was, where she lay. Where the only life you had ever known was. Zoe had long fallen asleep in your arms, head in your lap after exhausting herself from crying. Being a single parent was not something you had wanted but it's what you were given and you tried desperately to give Zoe some semblance of normalcy after losing her mother in such a traumatic way.

As you stared at the headstone stone that held her name, held her titles as a mother, wife and vice president elect, you couldn't help but remember a conversation that you had had a month earlier. You had both been laid in bed, staring into those beautiful big brown doe eyes that you loved when you had suddenly asked:

"Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you hadn't been given given compound V as a baby, if your parents were still alive and if you had simply just gotten to be Nadia instead of Victoria?"

Victoria had looked at you with a completive look, thinking about her answer before she spoke.

"Sometimes, but I gave up that wishful thinking years ago in Red River, I learnt pretty quickly that it didn't do much good to ponder on the 'what ifs'," She stared at you with tenderness that you had seen many times before. "Besides, I wouldn't have met you."

"I'd like to think that we would meet anyway, that we'd meet in every universe and in every life, I'd always come back to you." You had replied, a warm smile gracing your face. Your voice became a whisper as your next words left your lips. "Promise me that if you go first, that you'd come back and haunt me as a ghost?"

This had caused Victoria to laugh, a genuine one that you've heard so many times, one that you had the privilege of drawing out of those lips frequently. "Are you sure you'd want me to haunt you? I Don't think I'd be a good ghost frankly."

The laughter died down and she had looked at you with nothing but adoration and love, a devotion to you that no one else received. "Yes, I promise to haunt you if I do die first, even if I'd be an annoying poltergeist."

You couldn't help but feel angry that she hadn’t kept that promise, even if it was rather irrational. Instead, she haunted you with the lingering scent on her clothing and the bedsheets that you couldn't change, the remaining jewelry that she would never wear again. The leftover food that she didn't get to eat, the pictures that hung on the walls throughout the house that no longer felt like a home, just a tomb of the life you had once lived with the woman who you had said I love you to on the daily.

You no longer had tears to cry, the only thing left is a revolving door of feelings that switched between feeling numb and wanting to follow her to the grave. Had it not been for Zoe, you would have. You would have followed her in death, had a casket that would have laid beside hers, but you couldn't. You had a child to take care of and a life to live, no matter how shattered it had become. It was only for Zoe that you would go on, just for your daughter that Victoria would never get to see grow or graduate. You'd do it for her, do it for them, even if it hurt to breathe air that your soulmate could no longer breathe.

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My first attempt at a fanfiction guys, I hope you like it.

[aciddrattboyy]

Hҽ'ʂ Mყ Mαɳ

┆ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ - "obsessed stay at home wife unknowingly poisons her husband over time."

ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ꜱᴛᴀᴛꜱ: ★ Starring: Kento N. x F! Reader ★ Run Time: 1.5k ★ Genre/Warnings: [Rated R: Drama] angst? i guess?, obsessive reader thinking, unintentional poisoning altho not explicitly mentioned, thats perty much it ★ heavilyyy based off of hes my man by luvcat its an amazingly beautiful song and i recommend everynyan listens to it

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drip. drip. drip. 

your perfectly manicured nails tap in rhythm with the leaky faucet against wooden table top where you sat in the dreary kitchen. the room was cast a dark grey, the cloudy skies and setting sun only adding to the sombre ambiance. glancing up at the clock, your frown only deepened.

8:52PM

the clock hands only seemed to mock you further. your husband should have been home by now. where was he? what was he doing? you start scratching at the table almost absentmindedly, the feeling of the wood resisting under your nails somewhat grounding. looking over at the stove, you let out a small huff of frustration. the dinner you had worked so hard on was already going cold. the corners of your lips pulled downwards even more and as you looked at the door you could feel your eyes prick with tears. god where was he?! he should have been home nearly two hours ago. what if he left you? what if he was gone from good?

drip. drip. drip.

with a frustrated grunt, you slam both of your hands against the table, relishing the pain as the wood bites at your skin. some part of you worried momentarily about splinters but that wouldn’t matter as soon as your loving husband came home. he would take care of you, just as he always did. you shoot up from the table, sending the chair flying back with a loud scrape against the tile floor, and walk over to the skin. hands gripping the edge of the counter tight, you tried to calm yourself. tried to calm the aching pain in your chest that felt as if it were threatening to consume you at any moment.

drip. drip. drip.

where was your husband? where the fuck could he be? why wasn’t he home yet? why wasnt he fucking home yet?! a pained noise escapes your lips, eyes screwing shut as you tried to block out the noise. you needed your husband. needed him like the air you breathed or the water you drank. this pain was all encompassing, a weight both physical and mental that seemed to rest on your shoulders. your knees grow weak,  body trembling as you slowly slump to the floor. your chest was already heaving, tears already pooling at the corners of your eyes. 

drip. drip. drip. 

your hands find their way into your hair, tugging at the strands lightly. although you knew it wouldn’t take much longer for you to be at the point of ripping your hair out. you felt empty, cold. you were nothing without your husband, he was everything to you. how could he leave? how could he abandon y-

the door creaks open slowly, the sound of light rain could be heard clearly for a moment until your husband closes the door behind him. you immediately scramble up, eyes wide and a huge smile plastered on your face. that is until you took in his appearance. he looked… tired, and that only made you frown. you never wanted your husband to be tired. he deserved all the rest in the world. scurrying over to him, you help him take off his coat. 

“you’re home,” you breathe out, the tension in your chest slowly ebbing as his familiar scent fills your nostrils and calms your brain. “i missed you. why were you late?” nanami only responds with a huff as he toes off his shoes, pressing a rough kiss to your forehead as he walks deeper inside the small house. his frame seemed… smaller? like he was losing weight. but thats impossible. you made sure to feed him every day!

“my head is killing me y/n. please tell me you made dinner.” nanami flops down onto the worn leather arm chair with a groan, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. without missing a beat, you nod your head, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“of course honey let me go fix you a plate,” you head off towards the kitchen, humming a random tune as you prepared food for your husband. there was a small smile on your face. you always smiled when nanami was home. it was the only time everything was perfect. thinking about how tired your poor husband looked, you decided to make him some tea as well. he had been having trouble sleeping lately and you’d do anything to help him feel better. “here you go my love,” setting the plate down on the coffee table in front of him, you gingerly handed him his tea, your smile only growing as you watched him blow softly at the steam.

“thank you.” he murmured softly, holding the cup of tea with both hands as he waited for it to cool. the steam made his glasses fog up slightly and you took it upon yourself to push them back up as they slid down the bridge of his nose. nanami smiles up at you then, it’s small, his exhaustion evident on his face. you study his glasses, noticing how the lenses seem to only be getting thicker as the months go by, for reasons both of you didn't know. 

“eat up, i worked extra hard on this meal,” you perch yourself on the armrest of the chair, the worn leather creaking slightly under your weight. you leaned in slightly with a soft hum, running a hand through his blonde hair as he blew on his tea. you watched intently, studying his features, each little movement of the muscles making up his beautiful face. nanami chuckles lightly, glancing up at you briefly before taking a sip of the warm liquid. 

nanami’s nose scrunches slightly as soon as the tea hits his tongue, an odd flavor coating his taste buds. it tasted weird, that same weird he’s been getting used to now over the past few months. you must’ve been using a different blend recently. looking back up at you over the rim of the porcelain cup, seeing you looking down at him as if he was the only man in the world, he couldn’t bring himself to tell you he didn’t want it. so instead, he steeled his mind and sipped more of it past his lips before setting it down to move onto your carefully crafted dinner.

the room was quiet as he ate aside from the sound of utensils hitting the glass plate and the dreaded dripping of the leaky faucet along with the rain that was gradually getting heavier. the room was bathed in a warm orange light from the flower lamp nanami had bought you a year back. you stayed where you were on the armrest, massaging his shoulders and scalp as he ate, content to just work on soothing him. content to be in his presence. 

as soon as his plate was cleared, you get up and grab them before heading to the kitchen. you diligently work on cleaning the dishes. you found peace in the routine, even though none of it mattered when your husband wasnt home. you’d never be at peace when he was away.

you can feel a pair of warm arms wrap around your waist, a low hum leaving your lovers chest as he pressed closer against you from behind. nuzzling his face against the crook of your neck, he places a light kiss to your skin, taking a long moment to just  breathe you in. 

“thank you for dinner love,” he mumbled against your collarbone as he peppered the exposed area with soft kisses. you couldnt help but lean back into his touch, tilting your head lightly to give him better access. but it was over before you knew it, nanami pulling away as he mumbled something about his head still hurting and wanting to get ready for bed. you frown at the reminder that he would be gone tomorrow morning again. the thought of him leaving hurting just as much as always no matter how many times you had to bear it. 

by the time you finish cleaning up the kitchen, nanami has already slipped under the blankets, snoring softly against the silk pillows. the sight made warmth bloom in your chest. he looked so peaceful, so vulnerable, and you were the only one able to see him like this. 

after completing your nightly routine and slipping on your pajamas, you crawl into bed next to him. you scoot in close, your face mere inches away from his as you studied his sleeping face. his cheeks were slightly gaunt, eyebags only growing more prominent as the days went by. it made you upset that he had to go out there and work away, especially since he should be staying home with you. always. 

you move closer, pressing your body against his and holding him close. with a low grumble, nanami wraps his arm around your waist, tugging you as close as possible. pressing a kiss to his shoulder, you murmur a soft ‘goodnight’ before letting yourself drift off in your husbands warm arms, feeling a love so fierce it could consume you both.

i hope you enjoyed !! reblogs/comments are very appreciated <3 ʟᴏʙʙʏ ﹕ꜰɪʟᴍᴏɢʀᴀᴘʜʏ 𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃

[asterafroditis]

𐔌 . ⋮ smoke and mirrors .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

☓┆Cater Diamond x gn! reader

𓏵 580 words

ᝰ.ᐟ 3rd Person POV, no pronouns used, angst, hurt/no comfort

feel free to like, reblog, or comment!

ᝰ.ᐟ masterlist

Cater Diamond was so good at pretending.

That was his specialty, after all—smiling when he didn’t feel like it, cracking jokes when the mood was heavy, dodging anything that got too real. It was easy. Effortless.

Fake.

"Do you ever take anything seriously?"

Your voice wasn’t sharp this time. No anger, no frustration. Just exhaustion. And somehow, that made it worse.

Cater’s grin didn’t waver, but something in his chest tightened. Ah. So it’s come to this, huh?

"Babe, what’s with the third-degree?" He let out a lighthearted chuckle, tilting his head like this was all some silly misunderstanding. "You worried about me? That’s cute—"

"Cater."

That tone. That tone. The one that asked for something real. The one he had spent years perfecting the art of dodging.

He didn’t answer right away. Couldn’t.

Because if he let the silence stretch for too long, he might actually start to think.

And Cater Diamond did not think about things like this.

So he deflected. Like always.

"Geez, so serious! If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were tryin’ to break up with me—"

"Would you even care if I did?"

His heart stopped.

For the first time in a long time, Cater felt something like fear. A quiet, creeping kind of panic that settled deep in his bones.

Of course he would care. He would care so much it’d eat him alive. But the thing about caring is that it makes you vulnerable. It makes you desperate, pathetic. And Cater had spent his whole life making sure he was neither.

He laughed. Because what else was he supposed to do?

"Ouch, babe, way to wound a guy—"

"Cater."

Your voice was so quiet now. Tired.

"Just tell me what you actually feel."

His fists curled at his sides. Don’t do this. Don’t ask for things he can’t give.

Because what he feels? What he actually, truly feels? It’s ugly. It’s raw. It’s loneliness buried under layers of filters and emojis, under forced laughter and staged photos.

What he feels is never enough.

And that’s why he keeps pretending.

"I mean, I feel like you’re bein’ super dramatic right now," he says, voice as breezy as ever. "What, did I forget an anniversary or somethin’?"

The flicker of pain in your expression was barely noticeable. But Cater noticed it. He always noticed it.

And then, you shut down.

Your face closed off, shoulders tensed, walls going up in the same way Cater had done a thousand times before.

"Forget it."

And just like that, the conversation was over.

He should fix this. He should grab your wrist and say wait. He should tell you that you’re the only thing keeping him grounded, that the thought of losing you makes his stomach churn, that he’s so, so scared to be known because what if you realize there’s nothing worth loving?

But he doesn’t.

Instead, he lets out a whistle, rocking back on his heels with a practiced, easygoing shrug. "Y’know, this convo is totally ruining the vibe."

He gestures vaguely around the empty hallway, as if to lighten the mood, as if to pull you back into the script where everything stays shallow and easy and safe. "We should just forget this, yeah? No hard feelings?"

You don’t stay to hear the rest.

You turn. You walk away.

And Cater just watches.

Smiling. Pretending. Because if he stops, even for a second, the weight of it all might just crush him.