#diane duane should be safe at least she's literally on this website with us

[grandwretch]

i dont know/understand what's going on, but im sorry you're in distress. i hope you'll get better

honestly nothing is going on-- this is old news, but honestly I don't keep up with "book fandom" things that often. books, especially my vintage paperback collection, are more personal to me than fandom is. it's not something I feel inclined to share with others on the internet that often, unless the book series is a big fad. fandom is more for movies and TV shows, at least for me.

I just happened to find out that one of the authors who made me feel human again (Mercedes Lackey) after I was victimized knowingly collaborated and was friends with someone who victimized her daughter and others (Marion Zimmer Bradley), as well as supplied her husband (Walter H. Breen) with victims. They were basically trafficking teenage fans/children of fans and colleagues. And of course, I was too late in being born to ever be in danger from them, but it does feel like a personal betrayal, to know that the people who wrote my experiences so closely could have watched them happen to someone else and never said a word, not even to this day.

And all this happened the night after a dentist appointment, which is my biggest fear due to a physically abusive dentist as a toddler, so I'm having a bit of a spiral. I know this all seems terribly dramatic from the outside, but for the last six hours I've been plagued by awful memories completely unrelated to either trigger, most of which I'd entirely forgotten.

Anyway, thank you for your well wishes. I will try to be better soon-- Or at least able to pretend, as I have work tomorrow. Maybe the spiral will help me write today; God knows that was the only time I ever got OBTS written.