#depressed--and--underdressed

[hirukochan]

Stood-up

A Severus Snape x fem!reader Oneshot

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Pairing: Severus Snape x former student reader

Summary: Your former professor saves you from embarrassment when your blind date doesn't show up to the fancy restaurant you were meant to meet at.

Warnings: Smut, Loss of virginity, virgin reader

Wordcount: 5007

Read on Ao3 or below the cut

You did not expect life after Hogwarts to be…this. Whatever this is. Boring. That much is certain. You finished school five years ago with good grades and that was it. You celebrated your graduation with your friends who were already gushing about their future careers and their dream jobs, and you had nothing to offer to the conversation. You didn’t know what you wanted to do after school. And five years later you still don’t know.

You wanted to move out of your parents’ house and so you went to interviews for any job you thought yourself decently qualified for. You ended up working in a depressing little second hand bookshop in Diagon Alley. The owner, some rich fuck that doesn’t even live in London, pays you well to take care of anything that needs taking care of because the shop belonged to his wife’s grandfather, and she can’t bear separating with it. 

You also get to live rent-free in the one-room flat above the store. You have a kitchen, a bed and a bathroom and no controlling boss looming over your every move. Life is…good. It’s ok, nothing groundbreaking, but how many people get that? How realistic is an action filled, thrilling life actually?

Your friends seem content with life as it is and so you try to be content as well. 

In reality you feel lost.

You have looked into universities, but you aren’t sure if you’d be good enough and the fear of failing holds you back. Besides, what would you even study? In school charms had been your favourite, but was that because of the subject or your teacher? Professor Flitwick had made each class a delight to be in.

You shove the thoughts away, focusing on finishing up closing the store. A friend has set up a blind-date for you. Some guy she works with at the Ministry. She has gushed about him endlessly and you are sure were she not in a relationship herself - she would totally try to date him. 

That is a recipe for disaster, but you want to indulge your friend or perhaps just make her shut up and so you go along.

You lock up the shop and hurry upstairs to shower, change and put on some makeup. An hour later you are standing outside the shop, mentally preparing for the apparition. You are certain you’ll never get used to it.

Pleasant, classical music floods the street as you open the door to the wizarding restaurant and bar in central London. This is already outside your comfort zone. Too fancy and too full. Are you underdressed? Are you overdressed? Shit, what if he isn’t here yet?

“Reservation for Everett.” You say to the hostess who swishes her wand and looks through the list of reservations.

“This way, madam. Your partner is not here yet.” Shit. Of course, he wouldn’t be. You are early. Way too early. Pathetic, desperate early.

The hostess shows you to your table and you smile kindly as you sit down. A waiter hurries over to you and asks for your drink order.

“Wine. Red, please.” The waiter is gone before you can finish your sentence. A glass of wine floats to your table shortly after. You let your eyes wander over the room as you take small sips. A few couples sit at the tables, some more stand at the bar, chatting with each other.

You wait.

And wait.

Three glasses later you know you got stood up. You try to fight the tears stinging in your eyes and dig through your purse for some money to pay for the drinks and scurry out of the restaurant as fast as possible. 

How pathetic! Hot shame spreads through your chest, your guts twist at the mere thought of getting up and leaving. Your feet don’t work. They simply won’t respond to your command. With all your willpower you stifle a sob in your throat. This is your last straw.

All the disappointment over life after Hogwarts, the loneliness, being lost and left behind by the golden opportunities your future had promised you - and now not even your date could bother to show up! You didn’t even want to meet him. Prick!

“Ms. (L/N)?” You flinch. That voice. You are sure that voice would give you war-like flashbacks for the rest of your life. Running through corridors at night, blood pounding in your ears, already feeling safe as the entrance to your common room approaches just to be violently stopped by those words.

You turn and meet the dark eyes of your former professor for potions. 

Severus Snape has not changed in the five years since you last saw him. The same hooked nose, same pale skin. Black greasy hair falling into his face. The long black robes hiding every inch of his skin.

“P-professor Snape.” You reply, because you have to say something. His eyes wander over you, clearly made up for a date and then twitch to the empty seat across from you. They narrow as they see the three empty glasses and the slight redness of your eyes. Without saying anything he slips into the seat across from you.

“Two glasses of whatever the lady has been drinking.” He says as he grabs a waiter by the arm. He gestures towards the glasses. “And get rid of these. What kind of service is this?” The waiter apologises profusely and hurries away quickly. 

You stare at Snape in bewilderment. He is sitting across from you. He saw you got stood up and sat down. And he ordered drinks. 

He is looking at you. Say something. Anything. Shit shit shit.

“I was supposed to meet someone.” You say, cursing how meek you sound. You look away and try to subtly wipe the corner of your eye where a stubborn little tear tries very hard to run down your cheek. You know if you allow that one to pass your lashes, there is no holding back the rest.

“I gathered.” He leans back in his chair, his eyes still roaming over you. Instantly you feel like you are back in the dungeons of Hogwarts, trying your best to brew a potion while he stares at you, waiting for the moment you fail. You swallow hard as the familiar nervousness of being around Snape takes over.

“A boyfriend?”

“N-no. A friend set it up- never met him.”

“What do you do these days?” You blush. You were afraid he might ask that.

“I-I run a little b-bookshop in Diagon Alley…sir.” The ‘sir’ slips out before you can stop it. A smirk tucks at the corners of his mouth at the sound of it but dies instantly.

“A bookshop? And you’re happy with that?” You shrug. You aren’t, but you wouldn’t tell him that. You cling to your glass. This is worse than getting stood up and humiliated. Infinitely worse. Snape leans over the table, his dark eyes glinting with something you can’t quite place.

“I am not going to bite you. Unless-” You tense. Is he flirting? Merlin’s beard- You feel heat rise to your face and stare down at the wine in your hands. “I apologise. This is inappropriate and you clearly wish to be as far away from me as possible. I’ll leave you to it.” Snape says, an edge of self-loathing sneaking into his voice. He digs through his pocket and puts down a few coins on the table.

“Stay-” You have no idea how you manage to force the word out of your constricting throat but there it is. Out in the open. 

Snape stares at you in disbelief. You take a shaky, deep breath and look up to meet his intense gaze.

“Stay.” You repeat, firmer this time. That expression flashes through his eyes again and after a moment of hesitation he settles down.

“U-unless I am keeping you from meeting someone. I-” You hadn’t considered why he might be here. Shit, is he on a date? And instead of that he took pity on you? Does Snape date? 

He chuckles. The sound as foreign to your ears as kindness or praise from him. It goes straight to your core, and you gulp as you are violently tossed back into your old crush. That is the last thing you need now! 

Imagining him doing all sorts of things to you during class was bad enough already - mainly because it really messed with your grade - but imagining them now that you are no longer his student, no longer sixteen- You blush even more as you realise that - in theory - you could do these things now. 

It has been five years since you graduated, sure it is a bit weird maybe, but entirely allowed. You have not been in contact with him since graduation. He has made no inappropriate comment to you while you were his student ever- in fact he barely ever talked to you.

You feel Snape’s hot gaze burn through your skull. It’s almost like he knows. Which is entirely impossible. Or is it? He has the uncanny ability to know when students are planning mischief behind his back and such things as reading minds isn’t at all a ridiculous idea to wizards- shit.

Snape’s lips curl as you stare at him.

“Oh, yes.” His smooth voice says in your head. “I know. I know all the little fantasies you have been coming up with for years.” The colour vanishes from your face. You take a big gulp of your wine, downing the entire thing in one go to aid your suddenly parched throat. Snape swirls the wine in his glass, never taking his eyes off you.

“A-and is that some-something you’d…you’d want?” You ask. Your heart twists and turns in your chest, your insides clench almost uncomfortably. You have no idea where you take the bravery from to say it out loud. 

His grin grows, his eyes darken, snapping down to the neckline of your dress. In one smooth movement he gets up and holds his hand out to you.

This is it.

The one opportunity you’d get.

You take his hand. 

Your skin tingles where it touches him and a giddy feeling spreads through you. 

You are going to sleep with your Potions professor. Former professor. Dark, unapproachable, cruel Snape. The man you have been fantasising about since 6th grade. The man that terrifies you as much as he intrigues you.

Together you leave the restaurant. He guides you towards an abandoned alley and lets go of your hand to snake his arm around your waist.

“Hold on tight.” He whispers in his ear. You can feel his breath on your neck and a shudder runs down your spine. You take a shaky breath and put your arms around his waist. You are swept up in his scent, musky and herbal. It clouds your mind instantly and you bite your tongue so you don’t inhale deeper just so it can flood your senses more. His magic wraps around you and you squeeze your eyes shut, waiting for the apparition to pass. You can feel the chuckle rumble through Snape’s chest before you hear it.

“Still no fan?” 

“No.” You reply breathless and separate from him. He holds onto your waist, eyeing you as though he expects you to collapse. Right- You did. During Apparition training in your 7th year, you lost consciousness after your first successful attempt. He was one of the teachers overseeing the training. 

You blush as the memory of how embarrassed you felt waking up in his arms, your whole year watching, resurfaces in your mind. You clear your throat and look around. You’re in Diagon Alley, not far away from the bookshop. You dig through your pocket and get out the key as you walk towards it. 

You are going to have sex. 

You are going to have sex with Snape. He’s walking right behind you. Nervous doesn’t even begin to cover how you feel.

“This is it.” You say and close the door behind you. Your flat looks terribly small with Snape standing in it. 

“Do you still want me to stay?”

“Yes. I’m just-”

“Yes?” He steps closer.

“You intimidate me.”

“Is that a good thing? Or a bad thing?”

“Good.” You reply breathlessly. Your mind is already foggy just from him standing so close to you. His eyes roam over your face, as though he is determined to enter all its details to his memory. Your heart beats impossibly fast in your chest, smashing against your ribcage so hard you wonder whether Snape can hear it. He leans down, inky hair falling into his face, stealing your view of the room around you. 

Your insides clench and scream for him to kiss you. Finally kiss you. You bite your bottom lip to stop its pathetic quivering. His scent floods your senses and briefly renders your mind nonexistent. 

Snape runs his fingertips over your arm, starting at your wrist and drawing goosebumps across your naked skin, all the way up to your shoulder. Your breath hitches and you barely manage to withstand the urge to hold onto him.

“You’d have to take this off first.” He says, quiet, calm. His voice sends a shiver through your body. He drags his fingers over your shoulder to your neck. He takes the zipper and slowly pulls it down, the sound resounds in your room loud like thunder. 

He barely touches your skin when he peels the straps off your shoulder and gently tugs the dress down and over your hips. It pools around your feet on the ground.

Snape takes a step back and takes in your body. You aren’t wearing a bra, you own none that would have looked good with the dress and stand in front of him only in a pair of black lace knickers.

His eyes remain as unreadable as they always are. He seems to assess your body with the same impartiality as he used to look at your potions. You shiver, cold air swirling around your heated skin, goosebumps spread across your skin and your nipples harden. Your face is burning hot though, and you barely resist the impulse of covering yourself with your arms.

Just when you begin to think this is some cruel joke, he is playing on you to embarrass you, he closes the distance between you two - too fast for your mind to catch up. He grabs your waist and smashes your body against his. His lips crash against your collarbone, his teeth graze your skin.

You gasp and sink your hands into his hair, marvelling at how soft it feels. He kisses your skin, sucks and nibbles. White hot lust seeps into your skin from the saliva he spreads across it. 

He holds your waist in his surprisingly strong arms and attacks your chest, worshipping every inch of you as though you are some ancient artefact promising prosperity and luck to loyal devotees. He groans against you, and you join with a moan of yourself, arching your back, offering your chest up to him. He accepts without hesitation, with enthusiasm even. Snape licks broad, firm strokes over your exposed breast, roughly kneading the other with his hand.

His thorough attention is dizzying. Blood pounds in your ears and waves upon waves of merciless pleasure course through you, twisting your vocal cords into the strangest of sounds you have never heard yourself make.

“Are you a virgin?” He groans against your skin.

“Y-yes-” He stops, dead in his tracks. Slowly his head tilts back, his gaze snapping in on yours.

“Yes?” Hunger flashes through his eyes and he licks his lips. “How the fuck are you still a virgin?” You blush more fiercely if that is even possible. Your shrug and drops your hands to his shoulders.

“Um- nobody was ever interested in me like that.”

“You’re what? Twenty-one?”

“Twenty-two.”

“And nobody ever touched your gorgeous fucking body?” He sounds baffled, like your words are the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard.

“Touched, yes…snogging at parties in the common room and such, but-” Your voice trails off. 

“You are telling me.” He says, his voice growing to untamed deep turmoil of unabashed desire and feral lust. “Nobody ever sucked on these dainty, splendid nipples?” As if to emphasise his words he closes his lips around one, holding it between his teeth and flicking his tongue over it. You whimper. Your legs shake under the weight of your own body, and you cling to his shoulders. His eyes never leave you, the weight of them heavy on you, buzzing on your skin. You throw your head back, moaning like you’ve never moaned before.

He chuckles, the vibration of it ripples through the tissue of your breast and sinks deep into your body, melting into your bones. He kisses his way back up to your collarbone and neck.

“Fools. Every single one of them that did not realise what they are missing out on.” He gently sucks on the sensitive skin in the crook of your neck. He steers you backwards until your calves meet the frame of your bed and you allow your body to fall back.

Snape kicks his shoes off and slips out of his cloak before he follows you, crawling over the bed, up your body like a predator about to devour his prey. A shiver rushes through you at that thought. Yes- you want him to devour you, to worship you, to ruin you and build you back up. He braces his arms against the mattress on either side of your head.

“And you still want me to stay?” The words fall into the space between your bodies, filled with heat and want, desire and fear, buzzing with anticipation. His eyes are softer somehow, less intense, but not less hungry. They tell you how much he wants you, craves you but also tell you he’d stop. You just need to say the word and he will leave. Without shaming you, without a cruel word or ounce of disappointment. 

“Yes.”

“You want to give this first experience to me? Of all people?”

“I’ve always wanted it to be you.” Snape groans and closes his eyes. His head drops, coming to rest against your shoulder, nestling to the crook of your neck.

“Do you have any idea-” He is breathing heavy, clenching his fists in your sheets, his body one large, tensed muscle. “-what you do to me?” Before you can answer he grabs one of your hands and brings it down. He presses it against his upper thigh where his cock is very hard, straining against its confines. You gasp at which Snape smirks. He rolls his hips against your hand.

“It’s big…” You whisper, more fear mixing in with your burning arousal.

“You can take it.” He leans down. His lips brush over your cheek. “I’ll make sure of it.” His breath dances over the shell of your ear, prickling. As soon as it passes your skin feels terribly cold, like it’s never going to be warm ever again just to be replaced by burning heat. Snape drags the tip of his tongue across the shell of your ear and back down to close his lips around your earlobe.

The whimper that falls from your lips at that is more of a high pitched squeak and finally, finally he kisses you. His lips are soft like silk and warm, reminding you of a mug of butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks in winter. 

You sigh and move your lips with his, threading your fingers through his hair. Despite the way he has been acting so far, he kisses you passionately, almost slow, but no less thorough. 

Severus Snape is nothing if not thorough. 

And he intends to savour you.

You part your lips for him, eager to move this along, eager to feel him and the pleasure he can bring you, but when it comes to actually deepening the kiss you hesitate. Snape senses your nervousness and takes over the decision making from you. The tip of his tongue meets yours and he slides it slowly over your own, easing you into the kiss and coaxing a small moan from you. 

You relax against him and surrender yourself to his touch once more. You have never been kissed like this. With want and need, with passion and hunger. He maps out your mouth as though he is trying to dissect a potion he has never seen into its separate components. 

His hands run over your body, your sides and stomach to your thighs. You whine at his touch and muscles twitch under your skin as if to reach out to his calloused fingers. The wool of his frock rubs against your skin when he moves. You reach out to work on the endless row of buttons but are rather abruptly interrupted by his fingers against your cunt. 

A surprised, shuddering gasp escapes you and your fingers tense against his chest. Snape chuckles into the kiss, never once stopping his assault on your mouth. Playful he circles your entrance, gathering you slick and spreading it to your clit. You cling to his shoulders and push your head back into the pillows. Pressure builds deep in your cunt, and you need him to ease it- need him to- to-

“Ahh-” You cry out and dig your nails into Snape’s shoulders. Your own fingers never felt that fucking good.

“Are we enjoying ourself?” Snape teases, watching the pleasure drunk expression on your face.

“Mhh…Snape-” You buck your hips into his hand. “Please- fuck me-”

“Patience, dear. I told you I would make sure you can take me.” He teases your entrance with a finger, coating it in your slick and then gently pushes inside you. “I will fuck you. I will fuck you so well nobody will ever compare to me, but first I’ll stretch this virgin cunt because as you so eloquently put it - It’s big.”

“There was this rumour back in school-” You murmur, blissful pleasure clouding your mind and rendering it utterly useless. “-that- that….oohhh-”

“That I’m a virgin?” He smirks. He pumps his finger inside you, curling it and pressing upwards slightly and a flash of searing pleasure explodes inside your cunt, and you squirm under him, rolling your hips into his touch to get more more more. “Does it feel like I am? Like I’ve never touched a woman?”

“Snape-”

“Dear, believe me, I know your body better than you.” You want to get offended by that statement. What a man thing to say but then Snape does something with his finger, twisting and curling at the same time or something else, interrupting your thoughts harshly with another mind-blowing ripple of pleasure. 

Snape adds a second finger, stretching you carefully and kissing you the entire time, then a third. You are hot all over. Sweat clings to you like a second layer of skin. You are shivering from unfulfilled need and the steadily building pressure deep in your cunt just outside of Snape’s reach.

It builds and builds, beyond anything you were ever able to do to yourself and you have no idea how it keeps building and where all this pressure goes because the thought of it all staying confined in you is absurd!

You whine at the loss of his touch and buck your hips in a futile attempt of stopping his fingers from leaving you. Snape looks very fucking smug, but you are to wound up and needy to even care. 

He watches you squirm, your slickness dripping off his fingers. He traces your lips with his ring finger, spreading your own arousal over them. You are too far gone to really care. Your tongue darts out and licks your lips clean, accepting his finger into your mouth. You suck his fingers clean, one after another, Snape’s dark eyes never leaving you.

“What a good girl.” He coos. His voice rolls over your skin and sinks into your body, causing your insides to clench. 

You watch Snape undo the rest of the buttons and toss the black frock away. He opens his belt, the quiet clink of the buckle echoes in your mind. You’re about to see Snape’s prick. Snape just fingered you. You’ve been kissing Snape! 

Your heart beats faster, like a hummingbird forced to forever fly on the spot in a too small cage. Anticipation takes your breath away and impossibly so, more slickness rushes to your entrance. Every second he takes to open his trousers feels like another fire being lit on your skin. 

He slides a hand in his pants and now you are sure he is doing it to see you squirm because who moves that slow?

You let out an impatient whine and squirm, bucking your hips to grind against him.

“So impatient.” He chuckles and finally, finally frees his prick. 

It’s big is a pretty accurate description, you don't know what Snape has against your eloquence. Jesus fuck, is another option but you doubt Snape would find that more eloquent.

His plush, purple cockhead is already leaking pre-cum. Snape mutters an incantation, you recognise as a contraception spell, before aligning himself with you.

“Don’t worry, dear.” He coos. “I’ll be gentle. Just relax.” You try. You really try, but Snape has your nerve endings running in circles, screaming, while on fire. Stop, drop and roll is not an option that they can think of, mainly because thinking is quite difficult when on fire. 

He pushes against you, and you tense further. Snape rubs your thigh, and you take a deep breath and try to relax your muscles. Slowly, inch after thick inch Snape enters you. Beads of sweat collect on his forehead from the strain of going slow. Inch after inch of your tight channel is mercilessly forced to yield to his girth, stretching you open with a small sting. 

Snape grunts and sinks into you to the hilt, sacking above you to give you time to adjust and also catch his breath.

You are so bloody full. How he isn’t ripping you open is a miracle to you. Your knuckles are white from holding onto his arms. The muscles in your thighs quiver. You give tentatively rolls of your hips, earning a low groan from Snape another wave of deep pleasure.

“You’re breathing really hard.” He mutters into your ear. “I like that - keep working so hard for me, dear.” Snape’s thrusts are long and controlled, massaging your inner walls and hitting just the right spots. You are reduced to a pathetic, needy moaning puddle of bliss and want. 

Snape isn’t doing too much better. His breathing is heavy and loud right next to your ear which drives you deeper and deeper into your trance-like state of ecstatic bliss. His rhythm falters more than once and his groans take on an animalistic edge. 

“So tight.” He grunts and drives back into you. “Just for me-”

“Snape!”

“That’s right. Saved yourself for me, didn’t you, dear?”

“Idiot.” You laugh against his jaw.

“No need to play shy - you can tell me.” Snape smirks and leans his forehead against yours. “I won’t tell anyone, I swear.” He snaps his hips forward, hitting that spot with more force than before and your breath gets stuck in your throat. You tense and convulse, somehow simultaneously. Snape grunts when you clench around him and your inner walls spasm.

“Keep coming- keep fucking coming for me!” He reaches between your bodies and rubs your clit. A violent wave of pleasure smacks you right in the face and you scream in pleasure. Snape whispers reverent praise and fucks you through your release, coming shortly after with a long groan inside you.

Sweaty, sticky and spent you collapse on the bed, both trying to catch your breath. Snape runs his hand over your thigh absentmindedly. His cum slowly leaks out of you. Your eyelids are heavy. A heavy blanket of bliss and contentment settles over you.

“Thank you.” You whisper into the silence of your flat.

“Whatever for?” He chuckles next to you.

“It was nice.” You shrug.

“Well, I should be thanking you for even letting me touch you.”

“Let’s thank each other.”

“Fine.” You stay there a while longer, but eventually Snape disentangles himself from you and gets up to get dressed.

Lying on your side with your sheets pulled up to cover your still shaking body you watch him.

“You know-” He says but stops himself, a frown appearing on his face. “A career isn’t the only thing to measure how accomplished or fulfilled one’s life is. Your friends might think their jobs are great now, but in ten, twenty years they’ll realise they have never lived a day in their life. This job…” He looks around the flat. “It seems pretty comfortable to me. It seems to give you the freedom to do whatever you want. Create art or music, write, research or go to university. You can do whatever you want - fuck what other people think. Not everybody dreams of labour.”

“What if I’m not good enough?” Snape fastens his cloak. He looks up. His eyes seem heavy with a burden you can’t quite understand. The corner of his mouth twitches and perhaps for the first time in the years you have known him you see him smile.

“I think you can achieve anything you put your mind to. And either way. How will you know if you never try? The day will come you’ll regret having allowed your fear to hold you back.” His cloak billows behind him when he turns to leave. His hand already on the doorknob he stops.

“I hope you find happiness.”

“I hope you find happiness too, Professor.”

“For some of us it’s too late.” And with those words he disappears into the darkness of the night.

Three weeks later Albus Dumbledore is murdered by Severus Snape.

| Part 2 |

[luciferlightbringer]

Stolen Away

Here is the one shot for my first giveaway winner @hawke1917 ! Enjoy!

Lucifer x fem sinner reader

Word Count: 4.6 k

CW: Trauma, Anxiety, Kidnapping, Fluff, Fear, Hurt/Comfort, Angst Depictions of Violence, Torture

It was a relatively peaceful morning in Hell, you stood out on the balcony of your room that you shared with Lucifer and watched the residence below as you brushes out your hair. At some point you feel a hand on your arm, and you turn to she Lucifer smiling at you with loving eyes.

“May I?” he said, holding out a hand for the brush. You smiled and handed the brush to him, you loved how much he loved brushing your hair. You never wanted to make him feel obligated, but he always seemed to find you when you were brushing your hair or he would find times to play with it. And you were never upset by it because his touch was to die for.

Lucifer started to brush, “How are you this morning, my love?” he asked.

“I am doing well, it’s nice today, I like people-watching on days like this,” you smiled and sighed at the blissful sensory of Lucifer brushing through your hair. He blushed to see you so content at his touch. After a few minutes, he too looked out over the city.

“It is nice, isn’t it? Would you like to go out shopping with me in the city today?” he asked.

You turned and pulled him into a tender kiss, “Yes! I would love to. Let me go get ready.” You ran off to your closet, leaving Lucifer in a lovely daze on the balcony with the brush in his hand. He set down the brush and get himself ready as he waited for you. Along with his usual outfit, he also put on a necklace that you had gotten for him a few months ago as pet of a matching set. He wasn’t much of a jewelry guy but he loved matching with you or wearing things you got him.

You came out in a nice top and skirt with comfortable shoes for walking the city in, as well as the necklace than matched his own. Lucifer looked you over as you came out and gave you a dopey smile, “Hells you are beautiful.”

You giggled, “I feel a little underdressed next to you though,” you said, flicking the tip of his hat.

He looked down at himself and then as your sheepishly, “Is it too much? I can change!”

You took Lucifer’s hand, “No no! I was just teasing you, Luci. You look wonderful. Come on, let’s go out!”

You give him a kiss and start to pull Lucifer towards the door. You knew you had to get him going or else he would overthink that comment into an oblivion, you loved him so much but his anxiety and depression could just engulf him sometimes if he couldn’t get distracted fast enough. It was getting much better over time. But you still worried about it at times.

Before long, you and Lucifer make it down to the shops of the entertainment district of the Pride ring. It couldn’t be helped that you too would attract the stares and comments of the people of Hell, mostly people gawking and wanting to talk to Lucifer, which you understood, he was the King after all!

Some people also wanted to talk to you though, wondering how you snagged the King, some weird comments about you stealing him from Lilith, and then every once in a while you would get someone who just wanted to tear you down. Today was one of those days, because it wasn’t someone you could identify, just every once in a while you would hear a quick word or phrase. “Fake”, “sellout”, “homewrecker”, “slut”. They were all so spread out over the day that you didn’t really notice a pattern, Lucifer noticed one of the words on a more quiet part of the walk and got angry, shouting towards the sound, and you wrapped your arms around him to calm him down.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok, don’t feed into it, they just want to get a rise out of us,” you said calmly, holding his face.

“I know… I just hate that they are going after you. Lilith and I had an amicable split and she knows that I’m with you now. That should not be anyone else’s business,” he pouted.

You gave him a soft smile, “We are in hell baby, this is going to happen. Come on, let’s go get some food.” He sighs, tucks a stray hair behind your ear, kisses you, and then takes your hand as you walk together down towards a favorite food place of yours. On your way to the restaurant, you saw a store on the was that had the most adorable little circus clown rubber duck in the window, you almost pointed it out to Lucifer, but then you realized that you would rather it be a surprise, so you kept quiet and had a thought to come back for it later.

You two arrived at your favorite lunch spot, and of course one of the staff scrambles seeing the King of Hell at their front door. Lucifer tries to help the poor sinner remain calm and you get set up at a table. Lucifer reaches over to hold your hand during most of the meal, partly because he was romantic like that, but also because all of the attention was starting to make him feel nervous. He liked being out with you but fuck, these sinners sometimes made it really hard to be out. You tried to sooth him by rubbing your thumb on the back of his hand, and you watched him relax a little. He sighed, maybe he should have dresses down a little, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten as noticed then.

Food came and the both of you ate and chatted, giggling and having fun. At the end, Lucifer went to go pay for the meal. You told Lucifer then that there was a store you wanted to go to by yourself really quick and that you would be right back. Lucifer gave you a quick kiss before you walked out and down to the store. You tried not to run, but you were just so excited about this duck, it just fit his vibe so well.

You walked into the store and saw an imp in a cowboy hat and bright yellow eyes at the counter. They saw you approach and gave you a big smile, “Welcome in! It’s an honor to have you in your highness!” he said with a a southern accent and a wide sharp smile, a smile that almost felt a little forced.

“Oh… hahah… oh no I’m no royalty,” you added.

The imp laughed and walked around the counter, holding a glowing white lasso, “Haha, oh I know.” He quickly tossed the rope and caught you in it, spinning you in tightly before you can get free. You try to scream but he uses his tail to hold a knife to your throat, and not just any kind of knife, one made of angelic steel. You went quiet.

“Ahh, a smart one I see. Figured you may have been at least a little familiar with this metal. Seeing as how you and your Princess’ little friends seemed to be dripping in it several weeks ago,” he sneared. So… he had been watching you?

“What do you want from me?” you asked quietly.

“I want you to come with me,” he said, tugging the rope tighter, “we are gonna go someplace where your little King will never find you.” He laughed and you felt a sharp pain in the back of your head before everything went dark.

Over near the restaurant Lucifer waited for 10, 20, 30, minutes, and you never returned. He started to get nervous. He sent you a text or two and you didn’t respond. This was not like you at all. After the half hour, he decided to just call you. There was no ring, it went straight to voicemail, a chill ran up his spine. He called again, voicemail. And again, voicemail.

At this point, Lucifer was starting to panic. He took off and started to fly up and down the streets, most were just marveling at his wings, but a few called out to him. “My girlfriend, (y/n), she was just with me and now I can’t find her. Has anyone seen her?” He gave your description, showed a picture of you to a few people, even showed the necklace to see if anyone had seen someone with the same one. One person pointed him towards the shop that you went into. He went towards it and landed, seeing the circus rubber duck in the window, is that what you had come here for?

He walked in but saw no one there, “Hello!” he called out, still on guard. He heard a noise from a hall closet. He carefully went and opened the door, and a young imp woman tided in ropes tumbled out. Lucifer got her free of the ropes quickly.

“What happened?!” he said to the woman.

“Your majesty! I… I don’t know! This man came in, an imp, cowboy hat and yellow eyes, southern accent. He tied me up and shoved me in here! I heard someone else come in, a woman that he called “your highness”. I think he took off with her.”

“Where?!” Lucifer yelled.

The woman pulled back, “I don’t know! He didn’t say! Please don’t hurt me, your majesty!”

Lucifer took a breath, realizing he was scaring an innocent woman. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you… I have to find her.” He ducks out of the shop and takes to the air, looking to find and signs of you or the imp the woman had mentioned. But this man was quick and he had gotten you out of there quickly, there was no trace of you or him.

What could he do? Where was there to start looking for you? Who could he call? One of the Sins? He thought quickly, thinking about who would be the best to call. Then he remembered that Ozzie had told him about his boyfriend Fizz getting kidnapped several months ago, maybe he would have an idea of where to start. From the skies, Lucifer started a video call with Ozzie.

Ozzie’s face showed up on the screen, “Hey Luc, not like you to call out of, ohhhh noooo, Lucifer what’s wrong?” Ozzie said after seeing Lucifer’s face.

“It’s (y/n), I think she’s been kidnapped. Please I need help and I don’t know where to start,” Lucifer wailed into the phone.

“Oh shit! Uhh… ok, hang on.” Ozzie’s faces move to look at someone off screen. “Fizzy? Do you have the number of that old friend of yours?” Muffled response from Fizzaroli. “Ya, Blitzø.” Muffled response. “Shit.” Muffled response. “Stolas? Ok.” Ozzie looked back at the camera, “Do you mind if I add Stolas Goetia to the call? He has a… friend of sorts that can help. He has saved both Fizzy and Stolas before.”

“Anything, I’ll take anyone’s help. I just need to find her!” Lucifer panicked.

“Ok ok! Try to stay calm Lucifer, we will find her. Try to find a place to land for now. I don’t want you flying while you are panicking.”

Lucifer nodded and landed on a nearby building roof while Ozzie got Stolas on the call.

“Well hello Asmodeous! A pleasure to hear from you, and… my stars, is that Lucifer?” Stolas asked.

“It is, he has a bit of a problem, we are wondering if you can help connect us with the person that saved you and Fizzy, that… Blitzø? Lucifer’s girlfriend has gone missing.” Ozzie said.

“Oh my! Has she been taken from you, my dear King? I would be happy to connect you with my Blitzy, him and his friends are very good at finding and saving people,” Stolas said with pride in his voice.

“Yes! Please! I need someone to find her!” Lucifer said, pulling at his hair. How many more people would he need to get on the phone before he could find someone that could help? As many as it took! He kept anxiously fidgeting with his necklace.

Stolas added Blitzø to the call, and Blitz chaotically picked up the phone ”What the fuck do you want Stolas? I’m in the middle of a meeting right now! Also video call, that’s bold of… whoa. Holy shit is that fucking Lucifer?” Lucifer awkwardly waved. “Whoaaa, Moxxie, Millie, Loonie, look it’s King Lucifer!” Lucifer watches as the faces of the other three squish into the video and wave, Lucifer gives another awkward wave back.

“Wait,” Blitz said “this isn’t some weird sex thing, is it Stolas?”

Stolas waved a hand, “No no no darling, this is a matter of the utmost importance. His majesty’s girlfriend has been kidnapped and I know you are just so talented at finding things, he needs your help.” Lucifer caught some flirty undertones in Stolas’ voice towards Blitz but he chose to ignore that.

Blitz blinked, “The King of Hell needs our help, this is fucking awesome! Alright, lay it on me, Luci, what’s the sitch?”

“And you uhh… trust this guys Stolas?” Lucifer added.

“With my very life,” Stolas said, putting a hand over his heart.

“Mine too!” Fizz called out from behind Ozzie.

Lucifer nodded and told Blitzø everything that had happened with you leaving to go get something, no response on phone calls or texts, and the reports from the woman.

“Wait… run that guy’s description past me again?” Blitz asked.

“Imp, short white hair, cowboy ish hat, yellow eyes, a kind of southern accent?” Lucifer said, “I didn’t see him but the woman at the shop did, she was tired up with rope.”

“Kinda like she had been lassoed?” Blitz said flatly.

“Ya!” Lucifer said.

“Fuck! Not that god damn prick again, why does he keep fucking kidnapping people?!” Blitzø said as he set down the phone and started to dig for tools.

Stolas gasped, “You don’t think it’s that Striker now, do you Blitz?”

“Oh I know it’s fucking Striker, he has such a signature style I can practically fucking smell it at this point,” Blitz added.

“Who is Striker?!” Lucifer asked.

“He is an Imp who is a sort of bounty hunter of sorts, he kidnapped Fizzy, Blitz, and Stolas before. He almost kicked Stolas before!” Ozzie added.

Killed? “Wait… does that mean he…” Lucifer said.

“Has access to angelic steel? You bet your fucking ass he does, and I have a fucking score to settle with him,” Blitz picks the phone back up, “but that also means I know exactly where he is. The Wrath Ring.”

“What? But… mortal souls don’t leave the Pride ring?” Lucifer added.

“That wouldn’t stop him from finding a way to smuggle her into the ring, also you would be less likely to suspect him there with a mortal soul. Trust me your majesty, I have this covered. Anything else you need me to know?” Blitz asked.

Lucifer sniffles, “No, just bring her back to me. Please.”

Blitz salutes Lucifer, “We will get her back sir” Blitz puts on some sunglasses, “Alright, bitches. Saddle up, we are heading to Wrath!” Then Blitz hung up on his end.

Lucifer took a deep breath and sighed, he was so worried about you. Worried that this “Striker” guys was going to harm you. Was it to get to him? Or something else?

“It’s gonna be ok Luci,” Ozzie said.

“Yes, and is there anything else we could possibly do to support you, Lucifer?” Stolas added.

“I… I don’t know… I wanna go back home but I don’t wanna be alone right now. I’m so scared for her. If I knew where she was I could take care of it myself… but tracking is not one of my strong suits…” Lucifer said.

“They have a hellhound on their team, she is good, she found my daughter when she got lost on Earth one time. They will find her, Lucifer,” Stolas said.

“How about you come over and hang with me and Fizz, Lucifer. Stolas can come too if you want that,” Ozzie offered.

Lucifer nodded, “Be there in a sec.” Then he hung up. Lucifer opened a portal and stepped into the lobby of Ozzie’s residence, and a second later, Stolas opened his own portal and stepped in, right as Ozzie rounded the corner with Fizz. Ozzie sighs and puts a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder.

“I’m just so worried about her, especially if he has access to angelic steel… oh… my darling girl…” Lucifer started to cry. Ozzie and Stolas looked at each other, Stolas was thinking back to his own encounter with Striker, but he was not going to share that with Lucifer now, it would only worry him.

“Nothing we can do now besides wait Lucifer, I’m sure once they find (y/n), Blitz will be calling us so that you can swoop down there and take them out yourself,” Stolas said.

“Until then, come join Fizzy and I for food, we just finished making lunch,” Ozzie said leading them further into their home. Lucifer had still recently eaten and was not feeling like more, but he was willing to be with them while he waited for the results of the search. Fizzaroli chanted “Burger time, Burger time,” as they walked to the kitchen, which at least got Lucifer to crack a small smile. But seeing Ozzie with Fizz and Stolas talk about Blitz made him feel your absence even more. He held onto the necklace that matched yours, and thought, ‘We will find you, Sweetheart, I promise.’

———————————————————————————————————————

Your eyes opened as you came back to consciousness, the only thing you could see was the white glow of the rope around you, and two bright yellow eyes, that were looking at you from several feet away.

“Aww, so the King’s pet is now awake. Welcome back to the land of the dead… for now,” the man said and chuckled.

“Who are you? What do you want from me?” You asked.

The eyes squinted and moved up and then slowly towards you, “Name’s Striker, not that it will matter soon. and I’m here to torture you, maybe kill you.” He gave an evil chuckle, and as he grew closer, you saw another light start to shine silver about a foot below his eyes, in the shape of a blade. You froze, remembering that he had angelic steel on him. One wrong move and you would be dead for a second time, no Lucifer, no hotel.

You swallowed hard, “I’ll do anything you ask, just tell me what you want.”

He continued to walk towards you and held the angelic blade to your chin and lifted it up, you could now see a little more of his face, and it was the same man who tied you up.

“Smart girl,” he growled, “But I didn’t drag you here because I needed something from you, although using you to get to that royal family would be pretty nice. But I know I can’t take him on. No… I’ve been hired to kill you my wanna-be royal.”

You scowled, “I am not a wanna-be royal, I love Lucifer despite him being the King, and I care about what Charlie is doing despite her being the Princess!”

Striker flicked the blade across your check and you gasped as you started to feel blood drip down your face. “Pitiful that you would believe your own lies, anyone that chases a blue blood is always wanting what they have. Even if you do care, there is something someone wants out of it. And the people that want you dead, don’t like that some sinner got to be by his side. What makes you so special that he chose you above anyone else?”

You breathed heavily, “There… there are other sinners that want me dead because I’m with Lucifer?” This comment earned you another flick of his blade, this time on your arm, then he kicked you over in the chair you were in and glared over you.

“More than just sinners, baby cakes,” he glared down at you. “I’m personally a fan of all the royals and their mates being dead. They treat us like scum!”

“No! Please! Striker I don’t want anyone to feel that way! Let me talk to Lucifer and we can try to fix things!”

This response ended with the knife plunged into your thigh, and you let out a scream.

“Oh see! Now that you are at the end of my knife, you are willing to reform things. Well it ain’t gonna work this time! I’m not listening to blue bloods, or their lying simps!” Striker yelled.

Tears started to stream down your face. All you could think about was Lucifer, how scared he probably was, and how he was going to find you in this cave, dead. You dare not make any more comments, hoping that maybe your silence will buy you more time for… something, anything. You didn’t know if anyone was going to save you from this, but you wanted to hope.

Striker continued to walk around in the darkness for a while, leaving cuts or jabs into your body with his knife, leaving you screaming as he tormented you. You secretly hoped your screams would tell someone, anyone, that you needed help, but who in Hell would come save you other than Lucifer and the hotel crew? How would they know where to find you.

A while later, you heard something that sounded like a motor and a light, showing more of the area round you, and showing that you were in a cave of some sort. Striker was distracted by the car as it came closer until it came to a screeching halt as three imps and a hellhound jumped out.

“There you are you fucking psycho! Nice job finding a different creepy ass mine shaft in Wrath, how many of these places are there!” The tallest of the imps called out.

“Blitz?! What the hell are you doing here?!” Striker asked as he moved into a more aggressive stance, pulling out a gun.

“Ahh, well you see, you pissed off the King of Hell and uhhh… he has contacts. And unfortunately for you, you are so fucking bad at your job that you practically leave a calling card at this point! An imp with yellow eyes, a cowboy hat, and a southern accent that loves kidnapping royals or there bitches? That just screams “Striker” pal.” Blitz started pulling out his phone as he talked.

“What are you doing?” Striker said.

Stolas picked up the phone, Blitz smiled and just said, “Oh nothing, just tell my friend where we finally found you sick fucks with King Lucifer’s girlfriend, at the middle part of the eastern mineshaft in Wrath by the way, so that he can come take care of you.”

A moment later, a red portal opened up above you all and Lucifer flew out, all six wings flapping furiously, full demon mode out on display. Lucifer saw you, and then locked his eyes on Striker and dove at him. Striker was able to narrowly miss Lucifer’s first lunge, but not the second as Lucifer swung back around and grabbed Striker, taking him to the ground and knocking the weapons out of Strikers hands, and holding him down.

“WĦÄȚ ŤĦĘ FŲĆĶ ÐÍÐ ŶØŰ ŤĦĨŅĶ ŶØŮ ŴĚŘÊ ÐØÏŃĞ ĶĪÐNĄPPÌÑĞ ĦĚŘ?” Lucifer roared at Striker below him. Striker was now shaking.

“Please! Ahh… My King… it was a job, a good paying one, I just take what I can get,” Striker stuttered beneath Lucifer, now fearing for his life.

“ŴĦØ ĦĨŘĘÐ ŶØŮ ȚØ ĶǏŁŁ HĘŘ?!” Lucifer roared again.

“Just this small group off pissed off sinners! Fan girls of some kind, I don’t know! They had crazy money to pay me!” Striker pleaded.

Lucifer was about to start swinging when he heard your voice.

“Lucifer, stop,” you pleaded in a pained whisper.

Lucifer turned to look at you, bloodied and beaten in a tipped over chair. Millie and Moxxie ran over to untie you and put on some basic bandages to cover open wounds.

“Būț ŵħŷ, mŷ løvę? Łøøķ ãț ħøŵ ħę ħåş ħůřț ŷøù?” Lucifer said calmer.

“Yes… but he says the imps suffer… and are treated poorly… worse than sinners… I want… to figure this out…” you slowly said through a rasp.

Striker’s eyes went wide, was this bitch for real? He looked up at Lucifer, who looked down at him. “Ïş țħâț țřüę?”, Lucifer asked down at Striker, who nodded. Lucifer then looked over at Blitz, Millie, and Moxxie, who also nodded.

Lucifer sighed, and referred back to his normal self while still holding Striker down, “Fine. I’m sorry you have all had that experience, I will work on seeing how we can do better with that. But if you come for me and my loved ones again, it’s gāmė øvęř for you pal, ok?” He said looking down at Striker. He nodded again. Lucifer got up and released him, and Striker slinked away.

Lucifer then ran over you and looked you over, cupping your face in his hand, “Baby… oh fuck…” He almost started you cry seeing all of your cuts. He started to heal you, and it sort of worked, but heeling does not work as well again wounds made with angelic steel.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok… I’m ok. I’m sorry I was so stupid,” you apologized.

Lucifer shook his head, “No… this isn’t your fault my love. There are some crazy people in hell and… I’m sorry. I should have known better.”

“Sounds like we just need to be more careful going out,” you added.

“Well… as touching as this love fest is, can we get the fuck out of here? One of your little portals would be killer for getting out of this shithole… ya know, if you don’t mind… your majesty,” Blitz said, realizing throughout the statement that he should probably talk to Lucifer with a little more respect. Lucifer lifted an eyebrow, but sighed and picked you up, and opened a portal back up to the Pride ring, not far from the hotel, and everyone went through, even Blitz’s car.

Lucifer and you then took your leave of the others and he flew you over the hospital, even though you insisted that you were ok. You were patched up and sent back home a few hours later. Once at home, Lucifer continues to fuss over you until you asked him to just lay by your side. Eventually he did lay down next to you and calm down a little, holding you close to him but being careful of your wounds. Every shift and groan made him look at you with fearful eyes still.

“Do you need anything? Do you need me to move?” He asked.

“Luci, it’s ok, it’s gotta hurt for a bit but I’ll live, I promise,” you stroked his hair, “What would help the most is if you don’t panic with every move I make. I promise if I need something I will tell you?”

“Ok…I just don’t understand how you can be so calm after all of that,” Lucifer said setting his head down of the pillow and looking at you.

“I’m not calm… but I’m not scared either… I’m home save in your arms. I know I’m safe with you,” you said.

“I’m the reason you got hurt,” he said sadly.

“No. You are not responsible for what sinners do or how imps act. I left myself in the open. Shit happens. I just know that I need to protect myself more in the future. Ok?” You said, moving a hand to cup his check.

He nodded, and he snuggled in close to you as you both drifted to sleep after a long, chaotic day.

[jimcornflake]

Ch6 - Mantis

A/N: Goodmorning dick shits. Here is a little schplingity schploosh. Stay tuned for the next one.

🎀

You stood on the opposite side of the room. You were frozen, your teeth poised to bite down on a hang nail.

Asa decided to let you adjust to him for a moment, though he had a sneaking suspicion that you wouldn’t have nearly as much trouble as some of his other specimen.

You were too scared to move for an upwards of ten minutes. You were trembling in every limb and as quiet as a church mouse. You seemed to realize that he was waiting for you to move first and slowly lowered your hand back to your side where it curled itself in to a tight fist.

Once Asa saw that you were comfortable enough to move, he closed the door behind him. He grabbed the length of rope on his utility belt and held it up to show you. He smiled once he saw your owlish eyes grow even bigger.

The smile dropped partially when instead of the color draining from your face, a deep red blossomed from the apples of your cheeks and rose up to the surface where it was spread across your whole face. Tears sparkled at your waterline once more and you turned your head away from him, opting to put your hangnail back in your mouth instead.

He snapped sharply and you startled, jumping backwards. You were too close to the doorway and your head bumped against the door frame, not hard, but enough to make you grimace a little bit. If your face could’ve grown any redder, it would’ve.

Asa snapped again, this time at the floor in front of him. You shook your head slightly in disbelief, inching further in to the bathroom, away from him.

He narrowed his eyes and did it again. This time with a lot less amusement. You were special, but you were going to follow the rules and obey his commands like all the rest.

You swallowed hard and began to creep toward him, as if an invisible person were pushing you forward against your will. Finally when you were no more than two feet away from him, he snatched up your delicate wrist in his gloved hand.

You instinctively flinched backwards and tried to yank it back, but your arm didn’t budge from his iron grip. Quickly and efficiently, he tied your wrists together snugly, but not painfully. He tugged on the ropes once they were tied to make sure they were secure and then grabbed the loose end.

He opened the big metal door again and led you out the door. It took minimal coaxing as you seemed to realize that you had no other choice. You shivered as you stepped in to the hallway, still severely underdressed for the weather.

He examined your reaction as you drank in your depressing, dark, and dank surroundings. It was strangely void of fear and more filled with confusion and annoyance. You were shivering quite violently now, trying to clench every muscle in your body to get you to stop.

Asa sighed. You were even a bit more fragile than you looked, it seemed. In one smooth motion, he swept you off your feet and slung you over his shoulder.

This was the first time you screamed. It wasn’t loud or bloodcurdling like some of the others he’d heard. It was more of an exclamation of surprise.

“Ee!” You squeaked like a little mouse.

It was like you were intentionally trying to charm your freedom out of him. Unfortunately for you, it would not work.

🎀

Hi! Did you like this? If so, please check out my other works! Thank you and have a beautiful day! 🩷

[slippinmickeys]

Old Chem, pt 4

The funeral, then weeks of work; Scully catching up on all she missed. Mulder had to head two symposiums, back to back. They tried to plan a few scattered dates here and there, but life got hectic. The one weekend Mulder was home, Scully had to head up to Maryland to help her mother clean out her father’s study, which was depressing and dusty. Mulder had offered to come help, but she told him no.

She went home to an empty apartment. Opened the drawers she’d given to Mulder; looked at the clothes he hadn’t worn in weeks. His toothbrush sat in her bathroom, limp, dry.

He felt distant, but she didn’t know if she was imagining it. Another week went by with schedules that just didn’t align, and then on Friday, a text: meet me at the Project 562 Bar at 7:00? They hadn’t actually spoken in days. Was this a break-up? She wondered. Set in a public place so as not to cause a scene?

Not knowing what else to do, she gave the text a thumbs up. 

She pulled up to the address at 6:45, all nerves and disquiet. It was one of the newer hotels in town, boutique and upscale; the bar it hosted was small, but nice. Scully felt underdressed. 

She grabbed a dry martini and a table and kept her eyes glued to the lobby entrance, waiting for Mulder. By 7:00, she’d drained her martini and was contemplating another one when she felt a looming presence next to the table. She looked up. 

“Mulder,” she said, surprised. “I didn’t see you come in. I’ve been watching.”

“I didn’t come in that way,” he said, holding out his hand to her. 

“You-”

He gripped her hand and pulled her up and led her through the back of the bar through a dark curtain that Scully assumed led to the kitchens. Instead, behind it was an elevator bank. Mulder, still holding her hand, pushed the Up button. 

“Where are we going?” she asked. 

“You’ll see,” he said. 

On the fourth floor the elevator stopped and Mulder pulled her out and around a corner, using a key card to unlock room 478. Had he gotten a hotel room for them? They lived here. It seemed like a waste of money but-

She walked into the room and turned to him. “What are-”

“Our last weekend away,” he interrupted her, “was truncated and traumatic. I feel like we haven’t connected in weeks and you’ve been so sad and so busy and…It’s not a real fireplace, not really,” at this he turned to the small electric fireplace on the wall behind him; wavy, blue unnatural flame creeping along the polished rocks on its bottom. “And the room has a two person jacuzzi that’s not nearly as big as the hot tubs up north, but-”

Realization dawned and she lowered her head in relief and stepped forward to clunk her forehead onto his chest. 

“For a weird minute earlier today, I thought you were dumping me,” she admitted, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in. 

“Hardly,” he chuffed. “I just thought we could use a weekend away is all. A full one. A happy one. I wanted to surprise you. I’m sorry if I-”

“Don’t apologize,” she said, finally tilting her head back to look up at him. “Not for this.”

He smiled down at her. “Anything I should be apologizing for?”

“No warning,” she said. “We’re spending the weekend here and I didn’t pack a thing. I don’t have any other clothes.”

“Oh,” Mulder said, leaning down so his lips were just touching hers. “I don’t think we’re going to need any.”

[viking-chaos]

So it has come to my attention that I reached over 300 followers a little while ago. I wish to celebrate! 🥳🥳🥳🥳But I'm not completely sure what to make (wink wink)😉😉

Here I have some options of things I will make. No fics since I don't feel like forcing myself to write anything (and I have to finish the next chapter for Of Irland anyway)

To define: Vikings thirst post would effectivly be a costume edit, but with slightly underdressed viking men.

Yes, I already know which one will win.

(you horny beasts)

I am away this week until Wednesday, so the poll will finish having given me a few days to relax. Because who said holidays could be relaxing???

[iamhollywood]

i've deluded myself into thinking the weather is getting warmer. on one hand, my seasonal depression is improving. on the other hand, i have vastly underdressed for what is still a winter day

[chicspo]

if you could tell something to your 13 year old self what would you say?

so many things. dont try to fit in, dont lose yourself be who u have always been. ur not overdressed theyre underdressed. having no friends is better than having people around u who only hurt u. dont let what others say affect how u think of yourself, u know yourself better than anyone else. dont rush to grow up. only do things that u feel like doing, no one can force u into anything. speak up and be honest and direct with people, let them know how they've made u feel. mood swings are all hormonal ur not insane ur not depressed ur not anything it will pass. just focus on yourself and your future. always be several steps ahead. and love urself more than anything

[suburbonlegends]

Make shift prompt game: what situation are you going to throw Neal in next?

Lol I love putting the man in a situation

Currently I'm working on a Peter x Neal thing where Neal is underdressed for the cold/snow and Peter dotes on him, and then another seperate ship thing of Neal having a nightmare and then being doted on. Clearly whumptober has taken it's toll and now I'm onto Fluff-ember lmao.

Also an idea that I almost don't want to talk about too much because I'm so excited about it, but I'm currently outlining a (hopefully) longer fic that I'll publish in December. It won't be holiday themed but I'm hoping the vibes will match. A brief overlook of it would be Depressed/Anxious Neal, Peter and Mozzie maybe teaming up to pull something over the FBI, and a lack of suits 👀

[sweetpeaandthehorn]

Stressed. Depressed. Always underdressed.

♡ 18+ ♡ Minors and Men DNI ♡ Switchy ♡ Bisexual ♡ Femme ♡

[iveneverdoneanythingwrong]

So I have the day off today, and I marked the entirety of it down to watch Red, White, and Royal Blue. This was a good decision as I've had to pause three times and I'm 3 min and 40 seconds into the movie. I just get so

and I have to stop and calm down. So I'm blogging when I have to pause.

Such a fanfic set up - Enemies to Lovers, royalty AU, slow burn, 400k.

I'm at the after-wedding party and the cake is SO BIG I KNOW WHATS COMING I CAAAAAN'T

IT'S LOOMING LIKE ITS READY TO ATTACK

ALEX IS DRUNK ALEX STOP ALEX YOU ARE AT A WORK FUNCTION AAAAALEEEEEEXXXXX

OH NO OH NOOO DRUNK!ALEX HAS SPOTTED HIS NEMESIS HARRY IN FRONT OF THE FERAL CAKE

The cake has chosen a victim. To be fair, Alex attacked it first, so I can't blame the cake…

This is the funniest face, I don't know why but I can't stop laughing at Alex's reaction to icing. You'd think it was cum

THE CAKE HAS ATTAAAAAACKED . Alex FAFOd. RIP Alex.

I love how this whole thing is basically Alex's fault, but the crown prince blames Henry. Family tension, yay!

I also love how Alex is called on the carpet in the oval office and it's ALL WOMEN IN THERE. He's cracking jokes, and they're talking trade negotiations and polling numbers around him.

Zahra is my favorite person ever. GET HIM!

Ok, Alex, sweetheart, honey, you are FIXATED on Henry being 6'2''…. do you have a, shall we say, issue? "Making it was one of the most depressing moments of my career - and I once saw Mitch McConnell eating a banana." Thank you for your service, ma'am.

Smile, boys. I SAID SMILE.

"Alex has very strong opinions. And he shares them. Loudly." 🤣 He's just American, Henry. 🤣🤣🤣 This is our Get-Along-Press Conference.

OK, so my friend who is also watching says her first unbelievable moment was the wedding gown without sleeves. I don't know enough about fashion or royalty to argue, but MY first unbelievable moment is shots fired at a hospital and they're NOT in the US? DOUBT.

Active shooter and Henry is more focused on how Alex smells and why Alex doesn't like him. "Makes sense." "What do you mean by THAT?" "It means you have good taste, Alex."

Oh wow, Henry is showing some emotional intelligence here.

Nevermind, I take it back. Henry! Don't be a douche! Ok, I take it back take it back. Thanks for being vulnerable, Henry.

Fireworks. OK, that makes more sense.

I also love Alex's bodyguard.

"Kill me and I won't have to go." Hey writers, this is more relatable than making him talk about how expensive the cake is. Same, Henry, same.

My god, Alex's eyelashes are insane. Why. Why does he need those? To flirt with men?? Oh wait, yeah, I guess he does.

Oh my god, they actually POINTED OUT HIS EYELASHES. This movie was made for me. Is that guy flirting? Back off, man!

Henry is an amazing texter. I love the way they fit social media into the movie format.

Can I have another two or three hours of them just hanging out and snarking at each other please? kthx.

Alex's NYE party - is this the first time Henry has been underdressed for an event? *gasp* the mutual "oh no he's hot" moment.

aaaand already Henry has been bit by the little green monster. Pugsley. That was fast.

EEEEEE the kiss. Alex is like, I'm not touching I'm not touching I'mnottouchingIswear.

"The first fifty rows of a Gaga concert." 🤣🤣🤣 The women in the movie are On Fire.

"He grabbed my hair in a way that made me understand the difference between rugby and football" WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?????

"He can't ignore me all night. Can he?" Oh honey....

LUNCH BREAK - I started this at 8:30 am, it is now 11:30. I am 37:45 into this movie. 🤣

Why is Miguel coming off as skeezy to me? I want him to go awa-ALEX, your literal prince has ariiiiived.

Henry, sweetheart, you are not fooling anyone.

Damn Alex, *fans self* So... this was the "fade to black" of a sex scene. I mean, I wasn't expecting this movie to be subtle, but c'mon!

Henry: I just don't want you to fall in love with me. Me: How's that clown makeup feel?

Well now I gotta know. How many/which famous men have you shagged. Henry? Henry, COME BACK HERE!

"I'm so not playing this cool right now." Don't worry Alex, you guys are dork4dork.

I KNEW MIGUEL WAS A SCUMBAG

Ugh, Dickbag alert! Ah, jealolus dickbag alert!

Alex!! You've broken Zahra!! Zahra my loooooveee!! Put these boys in their place! That ENTIRE scene was AMAZING. This movie was worth it just for that.

HAHAHAHAH they didn't even get through the whole gag set up "I'm definitely not doing karao-*singing karaoke*

It's taking me forever to get through the floating dock/Alex confession scene. The whole "rope attached to my chest" is real Jane Eyre vibes. Henry, you need to say something. Communication is key, my dude. Or drown yourself, that's valid.

Oh you are NOT just sneaking out. No. I forbid it. Ugh, men.

"What happened in Texas?" "I ended things with Alex" NO YOU FUCKING WELL DIDN'T, YOU DICK.

Of course there's thunder for the big romantic confrontation scene. It has to be raining! For reasons!

oh, that is some grade-A projection there, Henry.

Mr never had a key has a key....

Damn, Alex, you have game.

"When they write the history of my life I want it to include you" Damn, Henry, you have game, too.

Ok, the most unrealistic thing in this movie - these motherfuckers don't move in their sleep??! The covers are always immaculate when they wake up. FAKE. FALSE. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN.

DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE DOUCHE

Zahra is so done. Go ahead, Zahra, smack him with a pillow again, I know you want to. You've earned it! "mooning over the prince like a cow in labor" 🤣🤣🤣 Marry me, Zahra!!

Stephen Fry playing a homophobe?? He really stretched his acting chops for that. "Take the American with you." Thanks gramps.

Do you think anyone noticed??

Final tally: It took me 5 hours to watch this, not including the hour lunch break.

[levis-coffeecup]

chapter 20| Through the Storm

WC-4.9k

Summary

The underground is filthy and dark. Dim lights, dull alleys, and desperate hearts. A place Levi knows as well as the back of his hand, and a place he would do anything to get out of.

Chapters of life roll by and with the turn of a page, things drastically change. In front of him is the opportunity to live on the surface. And the flimsy bridge that he has to cross. From an uncivil criminal to a disciplined soldier.

But life on the surface seems tougher amidst all the mockery, civilities, and the gaping hole left in his heart, after the demise of his dear friends Isabel and Farlan.

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, spoilers for No Regrets OVA, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language, self-hate, physical assault.

Author’s Note

Hi guys!

It's been long. And I am incredibly sorry for promising to publish chapter by Sunday, yet doing that today. I feel incredibly guilty, like I've been taking everyone who reads this story for granted.

I've genuinely been quite busy. I have my college, my part time job and I also have to cook and clean for myself. And in all honesty, I've also lost my interest in completing this fic. So i have to push myself, rather than actually looking forward to writing it. But I'm not giving up on it yet, I've promised a few people that I will get it finished, and so I will.

@musumusuhasi a huge reason for one of the scenes in the chapter is because you told me Mae was always very cutesy, and never strong. I hope I've made that better, and if not please do let me know! (And if you don't read the fic anymore, then that's understandable too:)

Also since I've posted after a long time and if you've forgotten what happened in the previous chapter; here's a recap. Mae and Levi attend Ivan's wedding. Mr. Mendes is still mad at Mae and yells at her about Levi being a bad decision (ends up revealing that Levi is an underground thug.) Mae feels defeated because Levi didn't tell her this and starts losing faith in their relationship. She talks to Ivan, and Ivan comforts her, and lets her know that Levi still loves her, and their love for each other is pure.

Song for this chapter is I can't help falling in love with you.

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

JAN 847

The wind growls, as it blows harshly. The morning sunlight barely reaches the ground. 

In the stroke of a night, the rain has turned into snow. The first snow of Mitras, but it seems more like a storm. And Mae is not prepared at all.

Her fingertips have gone numb, and the ache in her head seems never ending. Her dress is wet from all the snowfall. And she shudders as she walks through the snow covered ground. 

It feels like death is close. Her entire body shivers, almost violently. But a certain fire inside her keeps her going, despite the odds.

The world seems abandoned, people stay cooped in the warmth of their houses. And pellets of snow hit her head, as she walks ahead. It’s been hours since she’s been on the road. And she swears she wants to cry tears of joy when she finally spots the two-storey building with the Military Police symbol painted on it.

Her pace fastens, and with the last of her energy she pushes past the gate.

And everyone at the police station looks up, as they see a young lady on their door. Drenched from head to toe, turning blue from all the cold.

“I-I h-have a missing c-complaint to file,” Mae speaks in between shudders, leaning against the doorframe, tired enough to collapse at the moment. 

And the officer in front gets up. He decides he doesn’t think too highly of her. For one it's way too risky walking out in the snow so underdressed. She could have died in some corner, and no one would have even noticed.

Nevertheless, he takes one of the coats hung on the wall and offers it to her. “Here, you’ll die in the cold if you dress up this way, miss.”

And Mae still shivers from the cold, But her eyes are resolute.

“Sir Ellias, “ she reads the badge attached to his shirt. “I have a missing complaint to file.”

And Ellias gawks back at her, sizing her up. 

He doesn’t understand what brings her here. Wearing no gloves and a light jacket in a fucking snowstorm. 

And so he wraps the coat around her trembling shoulders, and leads her towards his desk.

“Levi… his name is Levi.” Her voice comes out raw and vulnerable. 

Levi has disappeared. She has checked everywhere. He wasn’t in their hotel room. He wasn’t anywhere near the wedding location.  And he wasn’t even around all the popular tea shops in Mitras. 

His wallet lays on their hotel bed, long forgotten. And the suitcase, packed with half his clothes, remains untouched too.

It's been 8 hours since Mae’s talk with Ivan, and there is still no sight of Levi. She has waited for him the entire night, and now the snow on the ground is at least a foot high. 

It's too late… She worries something must have happened to him. 

A young lady places a tray of warm tea on the table. Its smell wafts through the air, and Mae’s eyes well up. The drink warms both her throat and her heart. 

She just hopes Levi is alright wherever he is.

“The name is Levi you said?” Elias reconfirms as he puts it down on paper.

 “Mhm,” she nods vigorously. “He is quite short but his build is strong. His skin is pale and his eyebags are really big and prominent. His hair is black and he works in the Survey Corps… He also has-”

Elias stops writing. Face morphing into one of confusion. ”Wait…” he cuts her off. “Are you talking about Humanity’s Strongest? Captain Levi? Or is this someone e-”

“Yes.” Mae answers, exasperated. “It's him, he’s gone missing.” 

Hope glimmers in her eyes. 

People know Levi, and she’s one step closer to finding him.

But disbelief settles in Elias’s. 

Slowly it shifts to mirth. A beat of silence passes by, and then a soft chuckle escapes his lips.

“What the hell, why are you laughing?” Mae scoffs, eyebrows scrunching in disapproval. ”This is a serious matter.” 

Her words only makes him laugh louder. It adds to Mae’s temper.

“EXCUSE ME.” She bangs her fist on the table and gets up. And even though exhaustion is heavy in her voice, her eyes burn bright red.

“Have you ever seen that guy? Is this some sort of a prank?.” He speaks in between laughs. “Even death would be scared of him.” 

“So you are telling me he couldn’t have been caught up in this snow storm and might need help?”

“He is fully capable of protecting himself… you’d know that if you’d met him.”

And Mae’s lips tremble as she remembers the last time she saw him.

He wasn’t even able to meet her gaze. He looked so vulnerable… Like a kitten left astray. 

“He’s not made of stone.” her voice comes out as a whimper.

“But he’s got a heart of stone,” Ellias rebuttals as he crumbles the missing form and tosses it towards the bin.” Humanity’s strongest can look after himself… There’s a reason why he’s Humanity’s Strongest…”

And Mae gapes. Her head throbs, with the texture of pain. Her body aches for a minute's rest. But somehow she finds the energy to create a scene.

And she leans forward towards Elias, with her hands placed on the table and her arms stretched straight

“EXCUSE ME…” she sneers. “I’m here to file a missing complaint and it's your duty to look into it. Instead you’re telling me that I’m lying... Just because you’re a lazy bum who can’t get himself to work… people like yo-”

The door is yanked open with a bang, Mae flinches and Elias looks towards it. 

Out comes a tall - middle-aged man, wearing a large black overcoat and a… bowler hat even though he’s indoors.

His jet black hair is gelled to the black. And his face sports a pronounced scowl. “OI!” He calls out. “What’s all this ruckus this early in the morning?”

The atmosphere suddenly changes, and Ellias straightens himself. Slightly scared.

“Sir…” his voice trails off, a lump forming in his throat. 

“I have a missing complaint to file, I’m afraid it’s not being taken seriously.” Mae beats him to it, as she pushes her chair back..

“He doesn’t work in that department,” Ellias pokes in, but Mae moves ahead regardless

And Kenny smirks in glee at the sight of her. 

Missing complaints are not something he concerns himself with. He’s here to work for the King,, not to solve some minor civil problems and save some damsel in distress. 

But he’s bored, and she’s a wreck. It will be good entertainment. 

 “Sir… Captain Levi has been missing for the past 8 hours, and we all know how harsh the snow storm is.” Mae explains , hoping she receives the help she’s here for her.

And Kenny’s eyes blow wide, more with concern than surprise. 

Captain Levi. The title sounds pleasant to his ears. 

Now he can’t help but stay.

“See, I told you she is crazy” Elias sputters to cover up. “I think the cold has gotten to her head or something… which maniac walks out in the cold like that.” 

“THE COLD HAS NOT GOTTEN TO MY HEAD.” Mae’s eyes flash dangerously at Elias, and she shifts her attention towards Kenny. Deeming him more competent.

But Kenny only lets out a snicker. “He’s strong, he can take care of himself very well.” 

I’ve made sure of it. He wants to add. But some things are better left unsaid.

“AND HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU DON’T KNOW HIM? HAVE YOU EVER EVEN MET HIM?” She yells, absolutely appalled at the insensitivity of these men.

And Kenny takes a step towards her too, towering a foot above her. His nostrils flare in anger, and he glares at her, his aura almost threatening. Not a lot of people have had the audacity to speak to him in such a way. “Who are you to him?” he seethes through clenched teeth.

But Mae doesn’t back away either. 

“I’m his lover.” she spills out, without an ounce of hesitance.

Sheer surprise flashes in Kenny’s eyes for a second. Slowly it fades and the creases under his eyes melt into that of laughter. “Aah, that runt grew up finally.” he chortles

And Mae looks at him, appalled and disgusted. “And who are you to him?” She counters . Half in mockery. Half in contempt. He doesn’t even wear a badge that tells his name. She’d be surprised if she’d find even one reliable officer in this damned place.

And Kenny falls silent for a millisecond, face conflicted.

“….Nothing.” He lets out a weak laugh. “Just go back home, you’ll find him there.”

And then he takes a step back in resignation. A little emotional, a little exhausted. “Take good care of him.” he mutters under his breath, before he coops back into his cabin.

—--------------------------------------------

A heavy sigh falls from Levi’s lips as he steps into the premises of the Survey Corps headquarters. The midnight moon shines over.  And the stone walls embrace him, it's cold grays have never seemed so inviting.

It’s been an entire day on horseback. Nevertheless he should be grateful the stable manager at Mitras recognised him, and rented him a horse, free of cost.

And as glad as he is to be here, there’s also a  heaviness in his heart that he can’t shake off. 

It's the kind of pain that only Mae is capable of causing.

She isn’t next to him. 

He left without a thought. Running away from the haunting unhappiness in her eyes. And now he’s left with only his feelings to keep him company. Cold and empty.

He wonders if the marriage went out as planned? Were the celebrations as grand as the decorations? And was the buffet as large as they were setting it up to be? 

Most of all he wonders if Mae is okay? He wonders, if just like Kenny, that was the last time he saw her as well?

Memories of yesterday trickle into his mind. The disappointment in her eyes, and the complaints in her mind. And he sighs, exhausted. Wondering if the heaviness in his chest will alleviate.

He needs tea, he tells himself.

The torches on the walls flicker, dimmed by the constant breeze. Winter is just around the corner and darkness engulfs the hallways. 

And Levi relaxes a tad bit. Finding solace in his darkness, it’s what is familiar to him. 

He rounds the corner and enters the kitchen. Sadly for him, a familiar brunette is already seated on the dining table next to the kitchen.

Hange. His features twist into a scowl.

They are the worst person he could possibly find at this time.

And Hange swivels as the sound of his footsteps reaches their ear.

“Levi!” They exclaim. “You’re back early.”

And Levi looks at them coldly, completely ignoring their existence.

He was so close to sulking. But now he looks emotionless again. It's like something has shifted in his head. And now the person next to him will only face his anger, never his sadness.

He makes his way to the kettle. And he prays that Hange stays put in their chair.

But Hange is relentless as usual. Hyperactive, and curious. They spring up from their seat and follow Levi into the open kitchen. Ready with their barrage of questions.

“So how was the wedding?” Where is Mae?” It's probably the dim candlelights that impairs them from seeing the scowl on Levi’s face. A few moments more and he will snap. Hopefully in a tame way.

“Don’t tell me you dropped her back home, this late at night?” They wiggle their brows suggestively, as they linger behind him. Watching him boil the water from over his shoulder.

And Levi doesn’t even turn to look back at them, as he puts his hand on their shoulder and pushes them backwards. “Fuck off, “ he threatens

Hange’s lips part. Usually with Levi, they can never tell when he’s mad, because he always looks mad. But tonight, the anger in his voice is primal. 

And they can only head back to the table, and shove their head back into their research books. Looking over occasionally to give Levi a onceover.

He looks at the pot of boiling water a little too hard. His jaw is clenched tight, and his footsteps are a little too loud.

His hands shuffle through the cabinets. Banging the shelf doors shut. And Hange doesn’t understand how Levi doesn’t recall the spot he’s specifically designated to his beloved tea. None of the other Survey Corps seniors are even allowed to touch it.

Frustration fills him up, and he curses, rather loudly.

And the Levi in front of Hange, is completely unlike the Levi they’ve always known. 

The Levi in front of them is messy and unorganized. Grabbing a hot vessel bare hand, and then hissing at the burn.

The flipping of their pages stops, and all they see in front of them is a problem to be solved.

There’s an obvious tension in the air that drowns in all the quiet. And Levi finds himself falling into the endless pit of sadness inside of him, again.

He tries to forget the disappointment that he saw in her eyes. He tries to forget the things that Mr.Mendes said about him, harsh but so true, they still make his heart hurt. But its all too recent, all too fresh in his memory.

Mae was close to crying back then, he could tell by the way her lips shuddered. 

He doesn’t understand why he still feels so sad. After all he knew that things between them were bound to end. He doesn’t understand why he always gets his hopes up, when he has a habit of losing people left and right.

And he doesn’t understand why he sits on the same table as Hange, taking the farthest chair from them. When he can easily take his tea to his quarters.

Maybe it's the fact that he’s been left alone again. And being in the vicinity of someone, even if it's someone as annoying as Hange, seems comforting. 

Even if that comfort is temporary.

He’s so much of a disappointment.

Sometimes he wonders why Erwin and Hange keep up with him?

It's probably because of his strength.

The smell of tea floats through the air, but Levi doesn’t touch it. 

And Hange notices. “I can’t wait for the day when you’ll marry Mae as well.” They chirp out of nowhere. Hoping to make him feel better.

And Levi does manage to throw one of the harshest stares at them, before he winces.

“She found out.” The words slip out of his mouth. Accidently, perhaps. It's one of the rare times where his emotions run so wild, they can’t help but take charge.  

“She found out what?” Hange repeats. Their ears practically flying over. 

Slowly they shift to the chair next to him.

And Levi sits rigid, holding his head where it hurts, it feels like the walls in his brain are caving in.

And yet, he fights. 

He fights Hange’s company. 

He fights his needs, his desires.

He fights himself. Adding fuel to his own struggle. 

It’s what he has done his entire life.

It has left him worn out. 

To the point where he doesn’t have the strength to resist anymore. 

The walls around his heart are slowly crumbling down.

He’s lost her. His world feels dark. 

“She found out that I’m an underground thug.” His voice comes out weak… barely above a whisper. The position life has put him in is hard to believe. Because here he sits, opening up to Hange of all people.

Kenny would disapprove so much of the emotional bastard he still is. Losing hope by a mere person leaving him behind. 

But he does it for Mae, he tells himself. 

And Hange’s eyes widen, surprised that Mae didn’t already know about this. It's abnormal, and unhealthy. They were pretty sure Mae was the person he was closest to. 

A silence spreads, its claws fatal. 

Levi takes Hange’s silence for judgment, and decides to go back into his invulnerable shell. “Doesn’t matter, things were going to end anyways,” he mutters coldly, and then he loudly slurps his tea.

And Hange still sits in shock. She found out, his words echo in their head. Which means he didn’t even tell her himself.  “LEVI!,” They urge, breaking out of their stupor  “Till when were you going to keep this hidden from her!”

Forever if possible he thinks to himself. He can always keep a few parts of him hidden.

And his silence tells. 

“You weren’t planning to tell her, were you?” They question, but they know it's true. 

The quake of his heel never fades , and his shoulders still slouch. They’ve never seen him look so defeated. He’s too afraid of disappointing. He’s too afraid of being abandoned. And he’s too afraid to voice out that he didn’t want Mae to know, because he was afraid she’d leave him.

“Why would you not tell her Levi….? Hange racks through the potential possibilities. “Was it because you were treated harshly by the soldiers when you first came in….”

Everything comes off as a surprise to them. They could have never guessed that all the taunts thrown his way were something that bothered him. Not by the look on his face anyway. Guess he’s a little more sensitive than they had anticipated.

“You were discriminated against in the Survey Corps, because it's the military and rules are important here. You broke the order, you broke the regulations so obviously people didn’t like it. Also your first impression was HORRIBLE…And just because everyone in the military condemned you, doesn’t mean Mae will too… You can’t pretend to be someone else and hide parts of yourself from someone who is in a sense your life partner Levi?” 

There is a stiffness in the air that constricts. And Levi feels like he’s being put on the spot, when he’s caught vulnerable. He feels angry, he wants to yell, he wants to push Hange away… or maybe– or maybe he’s just scared.

And he sits there forcing his eyes shut as Hange’s words sink in. He’s repeated this mistake before, fitting himself into the likes and standards of Kenny, just to please him. So much so that sometimes he doesn’t even recognise the softer, more emotional parts of him.

“To love, means to accept the person for what they are…” Hange places an arm on his shoulder, and he looks at them, his gaze tender. “And if she doesn’t… then good for you. At least you know she wasn’t the one.” 

And Levi does find Hange’s thoughts beautiful. But he also knows that no one will go to such lengths for him. He knows that he’ll be abandoned by the Survey Corps as well, if one day he wakes up weak.

He tears his gaze away from them. Knowing that if he looks too long, Hange will see through all his imperfections. 

They have a habit of not keeping their nose in everyone’s shit anyways.

But Hange’s mind is already working at a speed that he should be afraid of. And they almost jump from their chair, as a realization strikes. “This is the problem isn’t it Levi!... The thought that she might leave you…. You ignored her because you knew she was bound to leave you or be disappointed in you in some way... You thought she was better off with Ivan, then you taking the pain of losing her.” 

Levi’s eyes widen. They are threateningly close to knowing him.

“HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?”, he seethes as he grits his teeth. Half embarrassed that Hange knows about his pitiful behavior with Mae when Ivan was here.

“I… I  have assumptions,” they gulp. Fearful for once

The clock ticks, and slowly his features soften “Mae told you everything, didn’t she?” he sighs, as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Well but I’m always open to hear your perspective as well.’

“Oh fuck off Hange.” He sneers as he gulps his tea down, and pushes the cup to the side.

He feels horrible, so out of character, and vulnerable. But he doesn’t feel unsafe. 

And he has a shit ton of problems that he knows he can’t solve by himself. Especially when it comes to Mae. 

And what's the point hesitating now, when his pride has already been tossed into the bin.

“I don’t know how to keep her Happy Hange… It's not the same anymore, she’s unhappier, doesn’t talk with me too much.” He looks down, his voice somber.

“Says you Levi… the person she used to smile just at the sight of?” Hange’s voice is soft, their eyes full of genuine concern.

And despite his uneasiness with discussing his personal life out loud, and getting his behavioral patterns dissected by none other than Hange, he settles into his chair.

The night is long and Hange seems welcoming,

—--------------------------------------------

Heavy gray clouds conceal the midnight sky. The rains are relentless, boisterous with thunder. And fog wraps around the tall trees like a blanket.

The winds blow fast, Levi can hear it rattle against the glass windows.

His quarters are warm though, fire crackles in the hearth, casting an orange tint. And his cloak  is leisurely draped over his shoulders. 

Scented candles are lined up on his window sill. 

And lavender tea he brewed for himself has now run cold. Halfway finished

It's something Mae made him do, when sleeping was becoming difficult.

She crafted a whole ass routine for him, to help him relax and sleep longer.  

He drums his fingers on the table, sitting idle, Frustrated that he’s done with all his paperwork.

It feels so damn lonely. Like those days, when she’d quit her job from the Survey Corp and he was haunted with thoughts of her..

The sound of thunder fills up the space.

The temperature has dropped all of a sudden. Surely it must be snowing in the interior. And Levi feels guilty for leaving Mae behind so thoughtlessly. 

None of them were prepared for snow. 

Another round of thunder reverberates around. Lightning strikes and Levi shivers. The night is uncannily similar to the night when he lost Farlan and Isabel.

Just another testament of how he is not made for happy endings. 

And he can only watch as every second painfully passes away.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The fire cackles

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The wind  whistles.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The lightning feels blinding.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

A distant sound adds to the mix. It's rushed and heavy, pounding closer to his gates.

And Levi is pulled out of his reverie, as then the door barges open

In front of him stands Mae, with her hair partially drenched, and her dress splattered with mud. 

The closed umbrella in her hand, makes a pool of water on the floor. Dripping wet.

His eyes widen. 

And so do hers. 

“Levi,” his name slips past her lips. And for once she didn't overthink. The umbrella in her hand drops to the floor, and the door behind shuts close, as she leaves everything behind and darts towards him. 

She doesn’t hesitate, as she sits on his lap, and throws her arms around his frame. Surrendering to the intensity of emotions in her heart..

Levi's body tenses at instinct. His heartbeat picks up the pace and the butterflies in his stomach come alive once again.

It's just been 4 days, but he’s missed her so damn much. For a moment he wonders if he’s still daydreaming

And it's only when he feels her shivering against his chest, that he gives in. “Y-you’r-re c-cold,” he stutters, as he wraps his cloak around her. His hands splay over her back, rubbing it to warm her up quickly.

And she too, huddles closer to his warmth. The sound of his low baritone, brings her so much comfort, and she shuts her eyes close, to pause this moment. 

Their breaths mingle, hearts beating in sync, together. 

In this moment they are so vulnerable. 

She cries, into his chest. And he’s made sure that nothing in his life is important enough to make him cry. But for god's sake does his heart sob with joy. 

He looks at the messy trail of mud her shoes have left behind. And her fingernails that are dirty with grime. He looks at her shuddering shoulders and her hair, wet and cold. 

She’s traveled through the storm for him.

She’s come back to him. Despite everything

And he doesn’t know what the future holds for them, or even if she'll be alive the next day. But he does know that no matter how cruel and brutal this world gets, his heart will forever be labeled hers.

Her hands leave his chest, before they slowly come up to his cheeks. She cups his face, as she pulls back and looks at him. Silence stretches between them. Or maybe it's the pause one takes to admire something beautiful.

And fresh tears fill up her eyes as she strokes his cheek.“Why do you make me worry so much? Couldn’t you have told me that you were leaving? I-I was so scared something happened to you.”

His knees feel weak at the thought. Like he’ll shatter to the ground, if not for her holding him so close.

And his breath shudders, sodden with emotions. “I-I’m s-sorry.” he gulps. Voice heavy with guilt. “I-I thought you would be u-upset. Wouldn’t w-want to n-near me anymore.”

“I would have wanted to hear about your past from you. I was more disappointed in the fact that you didn’t tell me, when everyone else knew about it... I am your lover Levi… I consider you my better half, then why is it that I know so little about you?”

In her questions, Levi feels a kind of reassurance. Perhaps it's the fact that she’s still making an effort to stay with him.

It's a feeling he can't put into words.

As if his sun-burned body has finally found the cooling shade of a tree.

As if his directionless quest has finally found a destination.

There is such a prickle in this moment, and the way she holds him, tightly, yet with gentleness. It makes him question all the nasty thoughts he has had about himself.

Because he was convinced that he was way too crooked for anyone to find any beauty in him. And yet she dares to sit on his lap, so close to him. Cradling him as if he’s something precious. 

Words fail him. And he can’t help but think if he could just kiss her, and pour all his love into it. If he could kiss her and express all that his speech never could. They all seem so beautiful in the romance novels he reads.

If only he could kiss her and not succumb to his overthinking head.

And so he brings her hand closer to lips. His heart hammers, almost violently in his chest. And his hand shudders with nervousness. Yet he dares to take her knuckles and kiss it. 

Hoping it conveys everything he can’t spout out loud.

That he’ll fight for her. Even if it's parts of himself that he’s up against. “I;m s-sorry…I’m s-sorry, I thought you’d h-hate me”

And Mae smiles as she looks at him. The first genuine smile she’s given him in months. “We’ve got to work on a lot of things to make this work,” Her words are blunt, but the way she delivers them is so gentle.

And Levi blinks up at her. Grateful that she has not given up on him yet. “We do…” he hums.

There’s fear in both of their eyes. The fear of messing up. The fear of losing one another. So many things still remain unexpressed. So many fears, desires, wishes. If only they were given a voice. Both Levi and Mae would know that their love for each other is boundless.

“You promise you’ll tell me everything and we’ll talk about us tomorrow?” Mae says as she tries getting out of his lap. Desperate in need of a shower

Surprisingly, his grip around her waist tightens. He holds her there, listening to the sound of her breath. 

And despite the wreck Mae is, she finally feels so wanted. The butterflies in her stomach tumble. And she can barely contain her happiness.

“I will… “Levi presses a kiss on her forehead. “Now go take a shower, I’ll set up the bed for you.”

“Will you sleep on the bed, next to me?” she asks on her way to the shower.

And Levi never sleeps on the bed.

Because Levi lives every moment with the unsurety of whether he’ll make it to the next. He lives every moment considering the possibility that the titans might break in.

Yet now as he looks into her warm brown eyes, he can’t help but wonder if for one night he just lets loose.

The worst thing that could happen is that the titans breach the wall, and he ends up dying with her.

Indeed that sounds like a soft epilogue. To die in each other’s arms, to not die alone. 

Everyone comes to this world on their own, and they die on their own, because inherently everyone is alone. And yet to hold on to each other, as they take their last breaths. To have a moment of bliss before death separates them.

“Levi!” Mae prods again. A brow raised in question. “Will you sleep on the bed with me?”

And his lips quirk up a tiny bit, as he timidly nods a yes.

[add1ctedt0you]

While I was reading mdzs I imagined jc as these men who are most of time underdressed, because I portrayed him as a frenetic workaholic who, rebuilding lotus pier, has to supervise everything, running from left to right with a child to take care of for half a year. So he doesn't have time to think about that. But THEN comes the untamed saying "jc has the BEST costumes, he literally dress to depress" and I respect that.

[rn-zane]

alternative title: if we were a movie TIMING: couple of weeks ago SETTING: drive in movie theater SUMMARY: chance made zane promise they'd hang out after the miscommunication at the er.

Chance wasn’t a huge movie goer anymore. Especially drive-in theaters, which almost always meant double feature movies. Sitting still for back to back movies wasn’t something Chance typically looked forward to, but he was still excited for the night. He wasn’t quite sure what it was about Zane that had grabbed his interest. The two didn’t seem to have much in common, in fact he was pretty sure that Zane would condemn half of the things Chance did for fun nowadays. But the two had managed to have some fun back and forth between their chats online and in the hospital. Chance hadn’t gotten bored talking to him then, so he considered it a reasonable and logical deduction that the two could find things to talk about during two movies if it got too boring for him. The only deal breaker now was if Zane hated movie talkers. If that was the case, Chance was totally screwed.

Pulling up at the address that Zane had given him, Chance shot the man a quick text and then leaned back against the driver’s seat, staring up at the ceiling of his truck and waiting for Zane. He wasn’t planning on letting himself be nervous. Sure, Chance usually relied on clubs or something when going out. If Chance couldn’t carry a conversation there he could disappear into the music or even dive off a damned cliff. He didn’t have any escape plans at a movie theater. The only defense Chance would have on his side was his humor. He wasn’t sure an authentic Chance was something anybody was actually looking for. 

 That depressing train of thought was thankfully broken by the sound of a car door opening. Chance peeked an eye open, noticing Zane before breaking into a smile and lifting his head, “What up, dude?” He shifted his body to face the man, welcoming him into the truck by reaching over to turn down the music a few notches. “I hope you brought your A game for snacks. I know you said no criticism, but I don’t feel like I made any strong promises.”

—

Was he overdressed? Underdressed? What did you even wear for a drive in theater with someone you’d met once, barraged with criticism about their (admittedly stupid) decisions and ended up as friends with? Zane was overthinking this, not entirely unexpected but still frustrating as he ripped off yet another sweater, defeatedly staring at himself in the mirror. This was so, so dumb. This somehow felt worse than that one time he’d given dating apps a chance and spent an hour deciding on whether or not to go. He actually wanted tonight, whatever the heck it was, to go well. Chance was nice and funny and Zane could probably put up with his rash decisions if it meant hanging out more. 

When he heard the sound of a car pulling up into the driveway followed by a text, he cursed under his breath and threw on the first sweater he’d tried on before it all went to shit. Jacket in one hand and small bag in the other, he rushed out the door, giving no one a chance to ask where he was going. True to his word, Chance had shown up in a pick up truck and greeted Zane with that genuine smile that made his whole face light up. Trying to find the sense of cool he managed to portray in the hospital and online, Zane clambered in, shaking the bag in his hand as proof of the promised candy. “Oh, I have options. And I will definitely lie and claim I brought some duds as well if you end up hating my favorites.” See? Easy. Nice and chill. 

“And,” Zane added, regretting the thought as soon as it was time to deliver on it but too late to back out now, “I also brought bribes to make sure I don’t get thrown out of the car.” The pad of stickers appeared from the bag, dinosaur ones of course, but these with a thin line of glitter outlining every single one. “Thought about giving you the whole thing but it’s probably better if I hang on to it. Give you one if your driving gets us to the theater in one piece.” So he’d maybe decided on this quip beforehand, coming as close as to write it on his hand to make sure he didn’t throw the stupid stickers at the man and fumble with his words. Sadly, that was all the material he had prepared. The rest of it was up to fate and attempting to keep his mouth in check before his brain had a chance to catch up. 

-

Chance didn’t start driving immediately, opting instead to keep the truck in park so that he could continue to face Zane while the man talked. He grinned when Zane broke out the dinosaur stickers, snickering to himself at the stipulation that Zane set for Chance to win the first sticker. “Wow I’m really being treated just like the kids in your emergency room.” Chance scoffed, feigning insult at first. He corrected himself quickly though, remembering that the last time Chance pretended to be offended Zane took it way too seriously. Chance would have to work on the sarcasm. “Luckily for you I thrive on reward systems. Plus, I’m a great driver for the record.” 

With that, Chance shifted his truck into drive and started towards the theater. Zane had read Chance easily. Chance wasn’t exactly the epitome of safety. Though he tended to keep his most reckless habits at a distance where others couldn’t get hurt in the crossfires. Just because Chance had a reset button didn’t mean that others were that lucky. For Zane’s sanity, Chance made sure to drive extra carefully across town. 

Chance hated small talk, but he hated silences even more. It felt too much like being alone, something else that Chance was particularly fond of anymore. “You helped any other idiots in peril recently at work or am I just special?”

—-

Even though he didn’t have much of an idea on how the younger man ticked, it seemed that Zane had gotten his humor down pretty accurately. Which was a huge relief because bribing someone with stickers was a silly and risky move. That had apparently done the trick. “Walks like a duck…” he trailed off, a grin to match Chance’s making its way onto his face. “Hey, I’ll be the judge of that, with my qualifications of never having driven a car in my life.” Hopefully Chance wouldn’t find that odd, the afterthought that a 25 year old without a driver’s license was definitely uncommon. No turning back now, though. 

There was silence for a moment, only the rumble of the car and the faint song on the radio to break it. Chance beat him by a second, which Zane was grateful for since he honestly had no clue which dumb ice breaker would have tripped out of his mouth if he’d been allowed to go first. Laughing at the question, he settled more comfortably into the car seat. The nervous tension was still there, bubbling under the surface, but joking around was definitely his preferred method for loosening it. Well, that or a run which was not an option at the moment. 

“Plenty of idiots. None of them have sort of blackmailed me into doing something fun with them afterwards, though. Guess that still makes you special.” Zane’s head had been turned for every sentence passed between them, always gauging for a reaction, trying to figure out if his words were the right ones. Not that Chance seemed to give much away in his facial expressions. His gaze did linger, though, a nice opportunity with the other’s head turned to the road (thankfully). Not that it was lingering on purpose, simply caught up in actually looking at the man since the last time his focus had been honed on the busted arm. 

He definitely looked nice, with a strong jawline accented every time they passed under a lamp post and the car’s interior was momentarily lit up. Still holding that gleam of being young while somehow looking a bit dragged down by the troubles of someone much older. He couldn’t be sure but Zane also thought he’d spotted the glint of jewelry in the other ear, now hidden from view as Chance drove. The automatic timer in his head, useful for warning him whenever he zoned out or stared for too long, went off and his attention was torn back to the passing street lights. “I’m liking your odds for that sticker.”

-

“Blackmail is such an ugly word. I like to think of it as a mutually beneficial alternative.” Chance laughed, “but I will take being called special.” As Chance continued driving, he could feel Zane’s gaze on him. He decided to ignore it, mostly because he couldn’t think of anything to say to make a joke out of it. God forbid Chance say anything that might evoke a genuine response from anybody. “So you’re telling me you don’t go on movie dates with every person that comes into your ER and gives you anxiety by association? I must be really special in that case. Just like my mom always told me.”

Zane promised Chance a sticker which elicited another smug grin from the boy, risking another glance in Zane’s direction as he pulled onto the road that led to drive in. “Can’t believe you had so little faith in me. I told you I was a good driver.” He bought his tickets and then navigated to an open spot among the cards. They were running close to start time, and a lot of the closer spots had already been taken, but unless Zane had exceptionally bad eyesight, they should be able to see the screen just fine.

Throwing the truck into park, Chance hopped out of the truck and began ruffling in the back seat, eventually pulling out a few blankets and pillows, “There are more pillows behind you. Grab some of those, yeah?” He circled around the back and popped open the latch, hopping into the bed of his truck and spreading out the first blanket and then dropped a few pillows. “Spread a few more out. The truck bed is uncomfy as hell so your back will thank the excessive amount of pillows I packed.” Eventually, the set up was done, with two layers of blankets and pillows across the truck bed and another group of pillows and blankets for the two to use at their leisure. “Ta da! Don’t lie, I know you’re hella impressed.” Chance was overly proud of himself, just barely refraining from literally patting himself on the back. “I think we need popcorn and soda. Thoughts?”

—

“Hey, I’m stubborn but I’m usually open to being proven wrong.” Zane had a funny feeling that he definitely hadn’t seen the extent of Chance’s driving skills but he didn’t have a problem with that. Besides, at least the younger man could drive. A fleeting thought, wondering who had taught the man to drive, whether it had been a fun experience or not, passed his mind. Teaching a foster kid to drive wasn’t high up on many people’s list, risking your precious car for some stray who wouldn’t stick around for long. 

To pull his thoughts back from the past, Zane pulled off one of the stickers like promised, feeling a bit silly as he stuck it to the other man’s hand where it wrapped around the steering wheel. He decided to go with it - silly and loose seemed to be the vibe of this evening and he could attempt to hold that mood for the rest of the night. Much better than awkward and overthinking. 

As soon as they were parked, another vibe made its presence known. Cozy. It was clearly a blessing that Chance had drive-in theater knowledge and as such, had come prepared. Helping out as much as he could, letting the expert control the mission, Zane joined him in stepping back to appreciate the effort. “Honestly? Very impressed. Definitely sticker worthy.” He really needed to stop with that joke before it got old. “I’ll keep my role on snack duty!” It would also make him feel less aware of the fact that Chance had paid for the tickets. 

Returning with a bucket of popcorn and a drink for each of them, Zane looked over the little nest they’d made in the back of the truck. Wondering if Chance had done with this someone else before. It seemed so natural for him, making whoever was with him feel welcome and effortless and Zane envied that ability greatly. All thoughts were pushed down once he reached the car, handing the drinks over to Chance so he could climb in. “So,” he started as he slid into a comfortable position, trying without much luck to sit without his shoulder pressing into Chance’s. Stupid, broad shoulders. “I will try my best not to be offended but please lie if you don’t like these.” Pulling up the bag he’d brought, Zane reached for the bag of Skittles, handing them over to Chance. 

-

While Zane went to get snacks, Chance climbed into his truck bed and picked his spot for the evening. It wasn’t too shabby, all things considered. He used to come here all the time with Ariadne and their parents, but since moving to town permanently he had only been here a few times. Luckily, the memories of how him and his cousin used to pack all their blankets and pillows to build this cozy palace reminded him to make sure to pack plenty this time too. If they were lucky, Chance wouldn’t even pass out halfway through the movie like he always did as a kid.

Chance was so busy studying the dinosaur sticker on the back of his hand that he didn’t even notice that Zane had come back until the drinks were being offered in his direction. Grabbing onto them, Chance scooted over to give Zane as much room as possible, handing the drink back off to him once he was settled in. “For the record, I was promised a second sticker.” Chance declared, flashing his hand sticker off to Zane as a reminder.

“I’ll be honest dude, I’m kind of a shitty liar.” Chance laughed. He didn’t have much time for lying anymore. Carpe diem and all that bullshit. “Luckily for you, I love skittles. So no lying needed.” Chance poured a couple of skittles into his hand before reaching over to grab some popcorn and mixing the two together, popping them all in his mouth. “Don’t doubt the salty sweet combination.” Chance could barely remember now if old him would have combined the two. He used to be such a food snob, back when he was actually serious about becoming some fancy ass executive chef. Now, Chance just enjoyed eating all the trashy junk food he used to deny himself.

With some spare time left before the movie, Chance leaned back against his truck, raising his arms and resting them behind his head to support himself and get a good look at Zane. “So I know you’re a nurse, you don’t have a car, you keep an absurd amount of dinosaur stickers and that you disapprove of my actions. What else should I know about you?”

—

“Don’t worry, I’m keeping track of the sticker situation,” he chuckled, enjoying the warm feeling in his chest at the experience of having an inside joke with someone again. It had been a while and the fact that this particular joke was silly and childish only made the situation better. Zane watched the colorful combination of sweets and popcorn vanish into Chance’s mouth, smiling as the man defended the mix without a single word from the vampire. “Hey, weirder things have been combined. Probably by me,” he admitted, raising his hands in mock defeat before grabbing some of the sweets for himself. 

He’d been busy uncovering the rest of the snacks he’d brought - Reese’s pieces, sour gummies, some hard candies and a bag of caramels - when Chance spoke again. “Well…” Candy laid out on the blankets in front of them, Zane leaned back as well to meet the other’s curious gaze. “I’ve… never traveled out of the US, I like running, originally from Nevada - they have a terrible foster system, by the way. And…” I have no idea if this is a date or not. “My first and only stage debut was as ‘man on sidewalk’ in a high school production of Annie.”

Had the foster care jab been too out there? A lot of the people he worked with came from situations even rougher than his and joking about it was a good way to cope. Zane wouldn’t go into details about the how and why because that conversation wasn’t really breezy and silly. Hopefully Chance would take it as the casual comment that it was. “So - frequent flyer in the ER, excellent driver, easily bribed and very humble… feels like a pretty solid list.”

—

The increased spread of candies kept Chance happy, eagerly combining different combinations of them with his popcorn while listening to Zane give some fun - if not completely random - facts about himself. “Nevada has a terrible everything, to be fair.” Chance laughed, though made a special note of his mention of foster care. The mood was light, probably not the best place to question Zane whether he ended up in foster care because of dead parents, absent parents or some mix in between. Chance liked to keep things lighthearted, and those definitely didn’t fit the bill. “Can’t believe you got robbed of playing Annie. I think you’d look great in a curly, red wig personally.”

Chance actually laughed out loud at Zane’s description of him. When things boiled down to it, the man had nailed all the important details pretty well. Surface level, Chance liked to keep things simple. “You’ve got such a solid grasp on me already, where do I even begin?” Chance ran his thumb and index finger along his chin inquisitively, overdramatizing his thinking face. “I grew up in Massachusetts. Got adopted by my parents when I was seven and started coming here to visit my new aunt and uncle. Got super close with my cousin so when I graduated high school I applied for college here so we could live together.” That paradise only lasted a year or two before it seemed to go to shit on both of their sides, but Chance wasn’t about to get into that. Zane hadn’t even had the chance to meet, befriend and eventually - prefer Ariadne yet.

Shifting slightly so that he was facing Zane, Chance continued, “I used to want to be some fancy chef at like five star restaurants. I love skateboarding, though I’m actually not great at it. And I’ve spent more time in the hospital in the last year than I have in my entire life combined.”  

—

Zane had been right to presume that one off beat fact wouldn’t sour the mood - as far as he could tell, Chance seemed to make it his mission to not let anything sour it. It was fine by the vampire, for now, but did make him curious if Chance really just didn’t think on things too deeply or if he too made jokes for a less… wholesome reason. Thoughts for another time, Zane decided, lips quirking up at the jab about Nevada. “Yeah, Wicked’s Rest is clearly superior in every way.” 

The facts started rolling in, cementing Zane’s suspicion (and hope) that Chance wasn’t as one dimensional as he presented to the world. Hiding, sure, but Zane of all people wouldn’t blame him for that. He’d been adopted. He had ambitions. And the last year had, for some reason, been a real shit show for him. Zane could definitely relate to some rapid changes making life more complicated than it had ever been. “What changed?” he asked softly, head turned to the side to meet Chance’s gaze, eyes searching the other’s as if the answer would lie hidden there. “About being a chef, I mean. You definitely have the spunk and adventurous taste buds to be a fancy chef. Also sorry I used the word spunk.” A faint smile, hopeful in a way, wondering if Chance would give an honest reply or joke it off. He had the chance for both and Zane would accept either but…

Yeah, chill and loose was definitely nice but Zane couldn’t help the incessant need to dig for information. Not pressuring just… giving people a chance to talk when they seemed to need it. It might have been his overactive imagination but there was something hinting at a darkness underneath Chance’s surface. The frequent hospital trips were enough to set off alarm bells but other than that, no one could be that confident all the time without faking it a little bit… right? For the first time this evening, he didn’t hang onto the fact that he was staring, too busy trying to get a read on the other to worry about ‘being caught staring’ or whatever else reason usually divert his gaze. 

—

“Woah woah. Let’s not get crazy, I’m not here to gas up Maine either. The Steven King horror hype can really only get you so far.” It didn’t occur to Chance until after making the joke that foster care aside, Zane might have good memories of Nevada. He wasn’t sure how exactly, but that was hardly the point. The point was that Chance had a habit of inserting his foot in his own mouth. Usually, Chance moved too quickly to put much thought into it. He could usually win people back over, or the two would never see each other again. For whatever reason, Chance didn’t want to hang out with Zane tonight just because he needed something to do or someone to keep him from getting lonely. Chance wanted to see Zane again.

Zane asked the exact question that Chance didn’t know how to answer. For the first time since the two settled in bed of the truck, Chance averted his gaze and stopped looking at Zane, instead opting to watch the screen as trailers finally started to play. It wasn’t like Chance could explain the zombie bite. Luckily, Zane seemed to narrow in and focus on the chef comment instead. Not that it really changed Chance’s answer. “Me, I guess?” Chance laughed, a hint of nerves escaping that Chance failed to keep tucked under the surface. He hated that feeling of vulnerability, no matter how small. “Not really sure what to say except that I was a lot different a year and a half ago. I wanted all that fancy shit and stability and the high life. Now I just want to have fun. Five star restaurants are not fun.” 

When Chance finally looked back to Zane, he found the two staring directly at each other. He took the opportunity to let the confidence take back over, a knowing smirk stretching across his face, “I know it’s hard to take your eyes off me, but you’re supposed to be watching the movie.” Chance tossed a piece of popcorn at Zane, but didn’t shift back to face the screen. He shifted more so that he could face Zane more, pulling his legs up to not take up too much of his friend’s space. “Why the ER? You always want to go into the medical field?”

-

For a moment, Zane wondered if he’d overstepped and regretted it instantly. They could have stuck to casual ‘get to know each other’ chat and stupid jokes, but of course he’d had to start digging. Chance was looking away, probably wondering why he was being interrogated on what was supposed to be a chill night out, watching movies. When he finally answered, the speed at which relief flooded Zane almost gave him whiplash. He kept quiet, kept his instincts, begging him to reach out a comforting hand at the slightly pained laugh, in check. Wondered what fun meant and why. Deeply hoped that Chance wasn’t trying to fit experiences into his life because he didn’t have too much time left. “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been to one. If you ever go back to the chef thing, I’ll have to change that, though.” 

He wanted to keep digging so bad. Ask about this ‘before’ Chance in question and what had happened to derail his life. Before he could come to a decision about whether or not to pry further, eyes twinkling with humor had turned back to him. Zane almost choked at the comment and that smirk really wasn’t helping. The assaulting popcorn hit the side of his head, Zane having done as suggested and turned his head back to the screen. He wanted to have a quip at the ready to fire back but all he could think was ‘you are, shut up,’ so he settled for a counter attack with some skittles instead. 

It seemed that even though they were supposed to be watching the movie, apparently, Chance didn’t seem very prone on listening to his own advice. Zane’s head dropped back onto his shoulder, turned to risk looking at his companion again. “Honestly? I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life until I was like… twenty. Side effect from being told the world is ending the first fifteen years of your life, I guess.” A pause. “Long story. Anyway, fell in with a group of people providing some very basic health care all over and it just… clicked, I guess.” His eyes turned back to the screen for a moment, seeing the opening credits start to roll and not really caring. “What have you been doing to try and make your life more fun, then?”

-

“Now shitty diners and a few half assed cooking classes are the only ones getting actual meals from me. I’m sticking with the program, but adjusting my end goal.” Chance still loved cooking, though he didn’t do it as often anymore. He used to spend entire days prepping meals and slowly cooking them, making sure everything was cooked to perfection. He never had the patience to cook anything that involved anymore. But he still loved cooking for others, so when the opportunity presented itself in the form of Zane definitely not even asking, Chance hopped on it. “Don’t waste your money on ‘em. I’ll cook a five star meal for you, free of charge.”

Chance could hear the sounds of the movie, but it felt like background noise. Off in the distance and mostly inconsequential. He was far more interested in the conversation with Zane. “I guess we’ll put a pin in the whole ‘world is ending saga’” Chance relented, raising his eyebrow at Zane, but not pushing any further. Zane had extended that kindness to Chance a few moments ago, returning the favor was the least Chance could do. “How noble of you. Dedicating your life to fixing idiots that dive off cliffs.” He mostly wanted to joke around, but figured that he could afford to be serious just this once, “But seriously, that’s pretty cool. Very selfless. And you’re good at it, which is a plus. You think you want to do it forever?” Chance liked to refer to his own actions as self-care, but when it really boiled down to it he knew he had spent the last year and a half being selfish. It was probably why his own cousin had distanced herself from him. Eventually, he assumed that Zane would figure it out and do the same thing. Which meant that Chance had to enjoy the moments while they lasted.

“Whatever is offered to me?” Chance said it more as a question, but really only because he couldn’t easily narrow down the things he had started doing. “Going to parties, trying new things. Cliff diving, obviously. All the things that I would never have done a few years ago.” Chance was acutely aware that his explanations only made it increasingly more obvious that something had gone down in Chance’s life that made things change. But even if Chance did want to explain it to someone, who would believe that Chance was destined to be reborn after death because some girl bit him by accident? “I just like experiencing new things now.”

—

Zane wasn’t completely confident in whether or not the offer for a home cooked meal was just another of Chance’s “say it because why not” things or a genuine offer. The thought that he hadn’t messed this whole meeting up enough to make a second hang out impossible was nice. Even though Chance would be wasting his cooking skills on a vampire, Zane would do his best impression of someone tasting food like a normal human, if the opportunity really did present itself. “Thanks,” he replied sheepishly to the offer that he did hope was an actual offer. 

Of course Chance was interested in knowing more about the countless almost-apocalypses. Who wouldn’t be. Opening up that can of worms would inevitably lead to why he was no longer staying there and that would lead back to foster care and a depressing conversation that Zane didn’t want to go into now. “Yeah, I do an alright job, I guess,” he deflected, busying himself with opening a fresh bag of candy to avoid the compliment. “Surprisingly good with people in the hospital which is probably where I use up all my normal social skills that other people can whip out in regular scenarios.” Zane thought about the question, if he wanted to do this forever. It made him wonder just how long he could actually stay here, work at the same hospital, before the fact that he didn’t age would catch on. “I mean, probably? I’d like to expand on what I know at some point. Maybe work someplace else. Somewhere more out there, maybe. Like a doctors without borders thing but for nurses?”

It had been a while since he’d thought so hard about his future, thoughts and plans Zane hadn’t even been aware of making spilling out. Chance seemed to be opening up, too, the uncertainty in his voice cementing the fact that he’d probably never been asked that exact question before. “That’s good. Experiencing new things, I mean. Never too early to try and change your life.” Not as big of a change as literally stepping into the undead life but a much more positive change, still. “You ever need a plus one to any new things, I could definitely do with some of those. Either to join you or be on the sidelines with a first aid kit.”

-

It wasn’t surprising to learn that Zane didn’t consider himself a social person. Chance had clocked that almost immediately, though Zane had managed to hold his own in a conversation when the two were in a hospital room. “I think you’re doing just fine right now,” Chance interjected, considering the comment for a pause before adding in, “but maybe that’s just because we met in a hospital. In which case, have you considered just holding some sort of socials or speed dating there?” An ER wasn’t exactly peak romance, but at least it would be an unforgettable blind date experience. “That mean you don’t do a lot of dating?” Might as well finally get that out on the table. “Oh shit, that’d be awesome. I’d take any excuse to take a trip outside the US, honestly. I haven’t done a ton of traveling.”

 Despite his best efforts, it seemed their conversation had taken a turn for the sincere. It all seemed to happen against Chance’s better judgment - who generally avoided any sort of deep, meaningful conversation especially when he was first getting to know someone. And since Chance’s friendships seemed to stay pretty surface level, he never really risked those deep conversations in the first place. “That’s a very different opinion from the nurse that berated me for cliff diving.” Chance teased, but moving on quickly to avoid another guilt ridden scene like in the hospital, “But hell yeah. You’re invited anytime. Always down to try new things.”

—

The idea of in-hospital speed dating had Zane laughing. A part of him had once believed in the hospital romance portrayed in… well, every show set inside a hospital, ever. It hadn’t taken long to realize just how much you weren’t thinking about romance when you were surrounded by infections, pain and people almost dying. Still thinking about just how hilarious Chance’s joke really would be if it were a reality, the question that followed caught him off guard. “Oh, uhm…” His eyes turned back to the screen, giving himself a moment of watching a scene that should have been funny but he currently had no context for. “Honestly, not really.” He found it easier to keep his eyes on the screen as he continued. “Tried for a date of an app a while ago and he wasn’t… well, it didn’t work out. Been out of the game since then. Which is fine, work keeps me busy so…”

Thankfully, Zane had gotten a better read on Chance’s teasing since their first meeting, knowing now that the other man really couldn’t have cared less about what some nurse thought about his safety. So he shrugged, a playful smile sliding onto his face. “What can I say, maybe you’re a bad influence.” It sounded way too close to a come on in the teasing tone, mirrored from Chance but not quite as natural coming from the vampire. Instead of scrambling to explain that he hadn’t been hitting on Chance while also making sure that it wasn’t because the man wasn’t someone he would be willing to hit on, Zane stuffed his mouth with some skittles. 

—-

“Yikes. Sorry to hear that” Though Chance did hate hearing that Zane hadn’t had much luck romantically, he couldn’t completely ignore that there was a tiny twinge of excitement at the realization. Not that Chance himself had really been looking for anything serious either. Even since his new found freedom, Chance had never been looking for anything romantic. Probably because it had bitten him so hard in the ass the last time. Or shoulder, rather. “Yeah I’ve really only ever had one serious relationship. And it was such a spectacular shit show I haven’t tried anything since.”

That bit of what Chance could only explain as flirting was so unexpected coming from Zane that Chance couldn’t stop himself from letting out a single, loud as hell laugh. Admittedly, Chance was impressed by the guy. Chance could come off a bit strong and had purposefully instructed himself to reel it in tonight knowing that he wasn’t going to hang out with the usual club types he typically ended up partying with. But Zane kept on surprising him. “I can only say that I’m thrilled and honored to drag you to the dark side with me” He leaned over, purposefully digging into the skittles that Zane was holding instead of a box of his own, so that he could steal a few from the man personally. “I think we can compromise. The two of us can find ways to have some fun without getting into too much trouble.”

-

When Chance opened up as well, Zane finally found the courage to actually look back at him. This was most likely the realest thing the younger man had said all night and he wanted to respect that trust provided to him out of the blue. Craning his neck to the side had started to feel weird so he finally dared to shift despite there not being too much space, settling cross legged so his knees bumped into the other’s. “Can’t say I’ve ever had an actual breakup but I can imagine that it really, really sucks.” Again, words of comfort demanded of him to pair them with a gentle hand on Chance’s person but Zane resisted. 

Here, in the dusk of the evening only lit up by the movie screen far away from them, Zane found that his jokingly flirtatious words slipping out weren’t the worst possible thing to have happened. It was easy when the person in front of you took everything in stride and matched every stupid word with a quip of his own, usually funnier and stepping even closer to the invisible line drawn over every conversation between two people. He didn’t know which way Chance swung, if Zane was even his type, but no matter the reason for stealing candies and suggestive comments, the vampire found that he definitely didn’t hate it. “Like going to the movies and totally missing all of it?” 

-

Chance fixed his own posture now as Zane readjusted himself. The two now basically sat across from each other, Zane with his logs crossed and Chance with one leg tucked under the other that stretched off to the side. It wasn’t the closest Chance had been to someone since his last relationship ended, but it damn sure felt the most intimate. Instead of dwelling on it, Chance simply grinned at Zane before stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth and offering the bucket to his buddy. “Eh. I’ve moved on.” That was more or less true. He had definitely moved on from the relationship itself. Its aftermath was a bit more questionable. As with most serious topics, Chance didn’t like dwelling on that either. 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every moment of Jumanji” Chance joked, fully aware that the movie they were seeing was definitely not Jumanji. In reality, Chance wasn’t sure he had really seen much of the film at all. He probably couldn’t describe a single scene. He had been more focused on the conversation. “You can just be honest and tell me if you hate movie talkers. Though I’ll confess, and this may shock you” Chance paused to add on the sarcastic quip, “But I’ve been told I don’t know when to shut up.”

—-

Zane laughed, faintly trying to remember how long it had been since one person had made him laugh this often in the span of one evening. It helped that being awkward didn’t have any affect on Chance, who simply met awkwardness with a joke - never really in a mean way, though, which was appreciated. His smile felt glued on, paused only for a mock expression of surprise. “No way!” He pushed at the other’s shoulder playfully. “It’s fine. I’m not good at shutting up either.”

True to their characters, neither boy was quiet throughout most of the film. With most of the plot missed, they’d ended up attempting to figure out the plot points themselves, each idea getting more ridiculous than the rest. When Chance had eventually gone quiet, Zane hadn’t commented. Hadn’t commented on the head that had drooped onto his shoulder either, followed by the sound of quiet snoring. And if Zane pulled the blanket higher over Chance and let him rest for a little longer after the movie finished, neither of them commented on it on the drive back. 

[yellowmagicalgirl]

1, 9, and 23 for the weirder asks?

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

Lately Thora Tavin I guess? This applies across the multiverse of different Eberron campaigns, but applies most heavily to my campaign's version of her (AKA what if the former assassin YA protagonist that you were expecting to lead the rebellion became a crime boss 8 years ago and also she's played by Erin Kellyman), @pirate-melody's version of her as seen in the Shardrunners fics, and the Khyber Shards version of her. (Not necessarily in that order)

9. which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

Coffee that is so full of sugar, chocolate, milk, and creamer that I don't taste the coffee. Temperature doesn't matter to me in this case.

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

I prefer it to hot weather, but I am miserable if I'm underdressed. Also lately if its overcast for too long it contributes to my depression.

weirder asks

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

also, like… it’s okay if you don’t have the energy to be excited, but just like… don’t be an asshole about it?? if you’re going to a musical with your wife and she’s dressed up like she’s prepared to get discovered, it doesn’t matter if you don’t care about this play and don’t have the energy to play along, but you’re gonna look underdressed next to her if you don’t match her energy with your outfit, and you’ll look better as an indifferent but passively supportive spouse in a fancy getup instead of your fav depression hoodie and jeans. if you’re humouring your younger relative in their interests, and you’ve got too much going on to actually pay attention or listen to them, then like, that’s fine, i guess, but don’t tell them they look/sound ridiculous and dumb. it’s hard, sometimes, to put out positivity into the world, but just because negativity is easier doesn’t mean it’s okay. it’s like they always say: if you don’t have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up.

the saddest sight in the world is a married couple at a musical and the wife is super excited and happy and the husband looks like he was dragged along and he’s making a big deal about how much he doesn’t want to be there and the wife gets embarrassed or ashamed. this isn’t a funny post, it’s actually heartbreaking and i see it happen at like every other musical i attend.

[1callmero]

Do u have a crush on anyone

Yes actually, she is stressed depressed and underdressed (I wish it was in my bed with me)