#debbie-hemlock

[stepharts]

ShanTober Day 23 - Alice and Debbie

It's what they deserve!

[positively--speculative]

With that in mind, I'm still mad thar Debbie Hemlock was completely erased just so filmmakers could replace a Black girl with a white "monkey girl."

[dogmaz]

Something I will NEVER get over is how in the Cirque Du Freak movie adaptation they not only flat out replaced the main love interest Debbie with a white girl, but a white girl who's HALF FUCKING MONKEY!!!

They replaced Debbie, a black girl, with a white girl who's half monkey.

[kreepycrepsley]

Just an idea from book #3, Tunnels of Blood

[dominiquethevampire]

Every Cirque Du Freak Character Ranked By Their Likelihood of Having An Affair With My Wife

Hello everyone. I have reason to believe that my wife Susan is participating in a sexual affair with one of the characters from Darren Shan’s Saga of Darren Shan. She’s starting keeping IV bags of blood in the fridge, won’t stop talking about when the next Festival of the Undead is, and I found a ticket for the Cirque Du Freak hidden in the bottom of her underwear drawer.

It’s been tough to narrow down the suspect but I think I’ve finally got the definitive list here, ranked from least to most likely to be having an affair with my wife.

26. Madam Octa

Pretty self-explanatory. She’s a spider. And very faithful to her spider boyfriend, if what Seba tells me is true.

25. Sam Grest

He’s like, 12, so that would be pretty messed up. Plus, my wife always says she wishes I wasn’t so childish and immature, so I can’t see how she’d find any appeal in Sam.

24. R.V.

The hook hands might make things difficult. I haven’t noticed any cuts on my wife’s body, but to be fair I haven’t seen her undressed in about five years so I can’t be completely sure.

23. Harkat

My beautiful sweet angel Harkat would NEVER do that to me. He’s also completely lacking genitals, which makes it pretty hard to fuck my wife, I think.

22. Kurda Smahlt

Come on. We all know what team he plays for.

21. Seba Nile

I think Seba’s years of having sex are long over. I can’t even imagine it. It’s like imagining your grandfather having sex. Ew. Get that thought out of my head NOW!

20. Darren Shan

I don’t think Darren’s got that dog in him. Besides, he’s pretty busy saving the entire vampire clan and also being a Prince at 30 years old. When would he even have the time?

19. Paris Skyle

He’s pretty old like Seba, but he does have that spry young energy in him. He might want one last romp in the hay before he kicks the bucket, so I can’t completely rule him out.

18. Evra Von

I don’t fully trust the snake. He gives the vibe that he and Merla might like a third in their bed sometimes. Which is funny because when I asked my wife if we could have a threesome with her hot 22-year-old coworker she said no and didn’t speak to me for a week. Seems kind of hypocritical, Susan.

17. Debbie Hemlock

Since Debbie’s an English teacher her and my wife would probably bond over reading books or something boring like that. I don’t mind Debbie fucking my wife if it means I get to stop hearing about whatever shitty new book Colleen Hoover has released.

16. Arrow

I can definitely imagine Arrow and my wife having a beautiful and brief “Bridges of Madison County” type affair while I’m away on a work trip. He’s such a good guy that I can’t even be too mad about it.

15. Hibernius Tall

It’s always the tall skinny guys that are packing the baseball bats.

14. Gavner Purl

I don’t think Gavner’s morals would allow him to sleep with my wife. However, I fully believe they would have an emotional affair over the course of a few years. He’d tell her she reminded him of his ex-girlfriend, talk about his tragic backstory, and she’d fall in love with how “vulnerable” and “sensitive” he is. News flash!He’s never getting over Liz! You’re just a placeholder!

13. Annie Shan

Annie’s a single mother and emotionally unstable from a lifetime of trauma. Prime candidate for having an affair.

12. Alice Burgess

How could I possibly compete against a lesbian in a police uniform? This might be pretty hot, actually. I wonder if they’d let me watch.

11. Desmond Tiny

They wouldn’t outright sleep together, but just look at what happened with Darren and Steve’s moms. If my wife ends up pregnant, I’m definitely getting a paternity test.

10. Tanish Eul

I know he’s disgustingly unattractive and a cowardly asshole, but I can’t rule him out. She married me after all, so it’s possible she has a type. She also came home last week with a Dior bag and some Louboutins that we definitely can’t afford, so it’s possible they have some sort of sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangement.

9. Vanez Blane

My wife passed her Trials a few years ago and yet she still goes to “training sessions” with Vanez every Tuesday and Thursday. Seems suspicious.

8. Vancha March

Yeah, he’s disgusting and ill-mannered. But he’s also jacked and can spit some pretty serious game. And my wife currently has a UTI, and if anyone’s gonna be responsible for that it’s Vancha.

7. Evanna

She’s got the whole rope bondage outfit AND can transform her appearance. All she needs to do is change herself into Dr. House and my wife is as good as hers.

6. Wester Flack

I mean, we all know what he did to Larten. Cough, Alicia, cough. Do I really think he would respect the sanctity of my marriage?

5. Gannen Harst

He’s hot as hell and has that quiet stocism that women love. I suppose since the vampaneze can’t tell lies I could just ask him, but I don’t know if I’m ready to hear the truth.

4. Mika Ver Leth

Mika would definitely fuck my wife and not even think twice about it. I guess I’m not really allowed to complain about it because he’s a Prince and could easily have me thrown on the stakes in the Hall of Death. You win this time, Sire Mika.

3. Larten Crepsley

He’s dashingly handsome and has that timeless Quicksilver charm that the ladies all fall for. But my wife is still alive, unlike every other woman Larten’s been involved with.

2. Arra Sails

Arra would have zero qualms about cheating. We know for a fact she’s all about being “passionate in the coffin” and she quite literally asked Larten when Alicia was going to die so she could fuck him. The only reason she’s second on the list and not first is because I can’t imagine her having a positive interaction with another woman.

1. Steve Leonard

Is this even a question? Obviously it’s Steve. He got his best friend’s teenage sister pregnant and took off. He’s probably inside my wife right now, telling her what a loser I am and they’re both laughing about it. Fuck you, Steve.

[incorrectcdfquotes]

Darren: alkdfljsdhjghgls

Larten: What is that?

Darren: It’s a keyboard smash.

Larten: How do I do it?

Darren: Just press anything.

Larten: 7.

[scary-grace]

not pictured: Gannen, regretting every life choice he’s made up until this moment. 

[stepharts]

ShanTober Day 7 - Gloves

[theabyssalorange]

I woke up in a cold sweat and made this

[cirquedufreak]

love wins ♥️

[ilyushkas-world]

cirque du freak headcannons

Debbie always beats Darren at Monopoly Steve hates spiders and the colors red and orange Evra likes to put his hair up in a man bun If Steve were a freak in the cirque, his act would involve fire and knives Debbie really likes plants, especially succulents Darren can only handle small amounts of alcohol Debbie has always thought about being a politician Darren is fascinated by fire (or at least until book 9) Steve really likes jelly-filled powdered donuts If Gannen weren’t a vampaneze, he would be timeshare salesman evra likes glitchcore music

steve wants to play the guitar but everytime hes tried hes gotten frustrated and smashed his guitar

[the-actual-loch-ness-monster8]

so i made like a ridiculous amount of these charts and I WILL MAKE MORE

THIS IS A THREAT

[zef-zef]

Laughing Ears - Bite the Bullet from: Laughing Ears - Losing Track EP (Hemlock, 2021)

[90smovieolderbrother]

readapt the cirque du freak series and make debbie a canon lesbian like god intended!!!!!!

[steveleoparddd]

Mr. Tall ......ally?

yes this is canon panel he said this irl

[vanchas-march]

do you ever just think about debbie hemlock? 🥺🥺🥺