#debating if ill get around to answering asks bc i often forget but also

[moonbelt]

»the infinite possibility of us

↳   somewhat soulmate au | college au | lowkey lost-friends to lovers au

pairing » kim taehyung | reader

genre » soft angst + fluff + sexual themes + warlock!taehyung

word count » 14.787

author’s note » this was born out of a need to read something magical bc i am positively obssesed with soulmate aus

Let's get the first misconception out of the way: you are not a witch. Or at least you're not the most conventional one or one with any type of materializing and brewing powers and the whatnot. You do have some magical prowess, that cannot be disputed, but you cannot, in fact, fly on brooms, make actual use of frogs' feet or use a cauldron to prepare anything but regular plain store-bought soup. You can, however, see true love —soulmates if you will.

One touch with any body and you can envision can see decades down the line, maybe not even that far ahead, to when they'll meet The One they are destined for. The person that the stars and the universe have decided to attach to them for all eternity. It's a funny thing, love is. It's not supposed to be tangible. It is meant to be felt, breathed in, experienced and lived in, but you wouldn't really know that considering your ill-fated fate of having never fallen in love. Or rather your inability to.

It's like your organ is defective. You have the ability to see true love, the greatest of magic this world has to offer (at least this is what you tell yourself) and yet you can never seem to see any love like that for yourself. And sure, you believe that love comes in different forms. You love your family dog, Dex, you love your sisters, you love (the term is loose here) the supernatural. You love trees and the smell of rain. But the kind of love that cannonades through your entire body? Nah. You've seen it when you touch people and perceive the one they're going to be with. You understand it in their eyes and in their smiles in the few whatever seconds you get in the vision. But personally, you can't really explain it without cliché descriptions.

And look, you're not complaining. It's ah-mazing watching the people you match end up together and ride into the sunset, guaranteed to a lifetime of happiness and forever and lazy mornings together. It would be infamously weird, not to even mention horrendous, if a self-proclaimed love doctor doesn't believe in love at all. Truly, your heart infinitely swells just at the memory. And you love what you do. You see it as an obligation to use your gifted talent to help others even though there's no physical way you can help yourself.

It's a side effect of being able to see soulmates, you've since discovered. No matter how hard you run your palms across your arms, you see nothing. Blank space, endless oblivion, no love in sight. More often times than not, it leaves you in a bout of loneliness and the ever-present feeling that you'd end up alone. Imagine that. A matchmaker alone living with twenty-four dogs. Not that there's anything wrong with dogs but. . . It's the principle of the situation.

Think about the good things! You force yourself to remember your well-thought mantra instead of falling deep into the pit of never-ending why's. Once you fall into it, it takes a strong level of self-awareness to bring you back out.

Anyways, you're not a witch. No matter how long you hang around the Witchcraft practicing folk, you're always reminded about your shorthanded-ness. Your sister, Ionia, takes the head of the circle during this coven meeting (as she does in every gathering, she isthe leader so it's only natural.) Your family's coven (sans you) is made up of thirteen Wiccans, all who sit in the circle in the middle of the renovated "conference" room.

Really, it's just the living room with all the sofas pushed out to the edges, far enough not to disrupt any witchy stuff happening in the center but close enough that you and your other sister, Sara, can push them back into place once the meeting is over.

Today the topic is on determining if it is necessary, in the words of coven member Park Jimin, for magical folk to keep living under the radar of other species. Other species meaning regular non-magical humans. It's the most debated subject you've heard to date. Why must witches and other mystic beings hide from mere humans? The word mere used with insurmountable contempt and disdain.

You already know the answer Ionia is going to give in return. In fact, you could write a whole book on Ionia's stance on the matter. Although not all supernatural creatures are as righteous as your sister, Ionia truly has her moral compass hanging on her version of the good spectrum. And just like every other night, you are not allowed to partake in the discussion happening in place. You have a lot you want to say but alas, you cannot speak out of turn. That would be un-magical of you. If anyone gets that drift.

Being a seer of love gives you no brownie points in your family's line of outrageously strong witches. As it so happens, the witchy bloodline skipped you. It's taken years for you to come to with the fact that your parents weren't exactly expecting someone so... powerless. Their own kid no less. Just to be clear, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you predicting (with a hundred percent accuracy of course) another person's love. It isa good type of magic. Maybe not the kind of magic written in the grimoires and spell books littering your house, but it was a great magic nonetheless. You swear on it.

It doesn't matter what anyone says, you know your magic is enough. However, it is not enough to land you a say in Beyond Dark coven's politics. In fact, you're not even among the coven. You're more of an honorary member. Like you've made emphasis on before: you're not a witch, warlock, whatever. You're not it. You simply get a pass at being here since it's held in your living room and has been led by your family for centuries. And your sisters can't exactly kick you out once a week, you'll riot.

Another win for genetics! But you guess it could be worse. Imagine not being born with a speck of spectacular at all. Oh, the horror. You are glad the witches and warlocks in Beyond Dark don't go around wearing that absurd black pointed hat that a few other Wiccan folk have yet to dissolve from their attires. It makes it way easier to blend in. You're also happy that the meetings are held at your house. It gives you a good reason to be more than necessarily invested in witchy affairs.

"For the last time, Jimin," Ionia sighs out. It gets tiring, repeating the same explanation ever so often. "Our abilities are like every other thing; money, lust, power. They can be abused if used in the wrong situations and besides, we're not supposed to go around rubbing in our talents in humans faces. However great they may have been, look at what happened to our ancestors."

Ooh, she's pulling out the witch trial card. Ionia only ever does that when she's frustrated. Most times she likes to pretend that most of the founding witches and warlocks weren't murdered by conniving humans. It's like she's playing a game of erase-the-memory with herself because everyone else remembers it. The laws of witchcraft would never let anyone try to forget it. But Ionia does her damn best and you'll admit, she's pretty good at it too.

Jimin huffs back into the floor, his butt sinking deeper into the cushion pillow. He shouldn't feel too bad. Being a new member of the coven, he has no idea how things work. He'll come to learn that Beyond Dark, although unconventional in its ways, has certain traditions that have never been breached. Like the fact that the head of the coven has always hailed from your family —hence Ionia's leadership. And most times, what she says goes.

The meeting ends soon after that, Ionia promising to hold the next one the same time next week Thursday as usual. You're too busy silently pushing the couches back into place, listening in on the stray ending conversations of other people when there's a knock on the front door. Sara looks up at you as she drops a wooden table back into position near the TV. "You expecting anybody?"

Shaking your head, you release your grip from the back of a brown sofa. "No. You?"

"Nope." Sara turns to Ionia who's deep in a gesticulation match with warlock Namjoon, the somewhat vice leader of Beyond Dark. "Hello? Miss Leader?"

Sara gets a special kick out of annoying your eldest sister but you can't say it's not funny. Sara and Ionia are amazing witches and even amazingly more older sisters. There had been a time when you'd hoped your magic would grow exponentially enough so that you could be on the same league as them but, that never worked out. You would never be able to win in a physical fight with Ionia, so you stick to petty things like getting on each other's nerves.

Ionia rolls her eyes. Being the first born, she likes to have this air of nonchalance and reduce most fights to child play. Which it is. It's just fun child play and sometimes you wish Ionia would be able to see that. But all the magic in the world can't remove the stick up her ass, so there's that.

You go back to arranging the living room with Sara. The person at the door is obviously not for you. You're not allowed to have anyone over on Thursday nights. Coven meetings are serious business, even if half the time all they do is talk about failed experimentations with frog's skin or plain supernatural gossip.

You avoid coming in contact with anyone as you put back grimoires into shelves unless it's absolutely necessary. No reason to go on a trip of finding out their soulmate unless they explicitly ask you to. Especially when they're already dating someone. Fuck, that's the worst. They get positively angry when you tell them that what you see in your vision isn't the one they are currently with. You can handle being called a lot of words but a fraud isn't one of them. If there's anything in your life you can bank on, it's your abilities and right now your inner gut senses are going haywire telling you to raise your head up from the uninteresting journal entry about the dangers of Horned Wasps on a full moon.

Although your power isn't the greatest, other things considered, you don't go around hiding it. Any supernatural can take one look at you and know you have magic abilities just not enough. Word has gotten around the rumor mill that you are a "teller of love," their words not yours.

On a good day, you could get twelve requests to reaffirm someone's fears of never being alone. On a bad day, ten of those people leave you with more insults about you being more of a stupid whack than a love teller. Understandably so, you didjust tell them that their current partner was a no-go. Is there ever going to be a way to let down people easy? If there is, you don't know it.

It's when you place back the leather-bound book and scan around the room for anything amiss that you see him. Your eyes almost slide past him but, you stutter and then freeze in holy-hot-guy headlights. The second your eyes connect, hot stinging sensations zip line through your body, making your breath catch in your throat. The experience is so unnerving and not to mention unexpected, that all you can seem to do is only stand there, staring at him with your hand unsteadily raising to your chest where your heart is struggling to break free.

A current crackles between the two of you, effectively raising the hairs along your spine to prickly attention. Strangely, the guy has his mouth agape, staring back at you, as if he too feels this bizarre kick. Which must be inherently wrong; no one, regardless of gender, has ever gaped at you. And you've never felt this concrete emotion in your chest before with anyone. So yeah, maybe it's just that you happen to be staring at him and he just also happens to be staring at you too. The only problem is, he isn't turning away.

Even more, stranger is it feels as if you've known him for years. Which is ridiculous considering you can swear you'd remember if you'd met him before. Even though he does look vaguely familiar. A guy this beautiful can't be easily forgotten. And guys this gorgeous can't be easily hallucinated either.

You don't know why you feel this pull, but you don't like it. Nor do you like the way something inside you gives a little —almost illogical —delighted squeal, as if you've been mentally scanning for men and have just found the perfect one. Which again is ridiculous because it doesn't matter who it is. If you have to touch your crush and find out that they have someone at the end of the line that's not you, well let's just say, that's the ultimate buzzkill.

Moreover, he's not the type that you usually used to date. Not that you really have a type. You dated safe guys, guys who you knew weren't really invested in you. Which was fine. You weren't inherently devoted to them either.

But this particular guy might not be your normal type, but his eyes are so magnificently captivating that it makes you stall for a moment too long. You have no idea what color they are, you can't see from this far back, but they are a commanding pair beneath arched, dark brows. And even from your position, his long lashes are visible. Fates, those eyes are picturesque. And formidably daunting. You feel his stare slither through your body like a slow, hot stroke. And shit, he's staring at you like he knows you and like you should know him too. And now you're wondering why you're having a hard time deciphering how.

He's talking with Ionia and Namjoon and you know, you can feel it somewhere in your bones, that he is a warlock. A powerful one at that. The aura bathing around him is far from little and it is far from unused. For some reason, he missed this meeting and if the sly-apologetic smile gracing his face is anything to go by, he wants forgiveness.

You scoff, Ionia has a wand-shaped button wedged up her ass. There's no way she'll let him off the hook. Even if Namjoon persuades her too. That's just the way your sister is. So, imagine your shock when you see her smile back at him, give him a pat on the back, and then turn to the rest of the dwindled congregation and say:

"Everyone, this is our new coven member; Kim Taehyung."

From somewhere in your receded memory, you remember that Beyond Dark had been looking for a new witch to replace Ms. Orland who passed away a few weeks ago. Odd numbers are widely recognized as bad omen within the witchy community. Thirteen wiccans just isn't how the coven rolls. And here is the new materialized fourteenth member.

You'd been expecting an oldie to replace Ms. Orland. What's the saying? Old for old? What you hadn't been expecting is this. He's tall – not ridiculously so but you can tell that he has some giant blood mixing in his bloodstream. He has to at least be six foot four or more. He looks comfortably at ease with his skin and massive, broad shoulders yet perfectly proportioned muscles. And by Fate, he is gorgeous. Glinting brown eyes, chiseled features, sun-kissed skin. A dark green, backward baseball cap covers most of his light brown hair. It's on the longer side, you notice, with ends sticking out the back and tickling his collar.

As if he feels the strong emotion rising between the two of you, his cheek twitches. He takes one step forward into the center of the living room and flashes everyone in attendance a half-lopsided grin that can rival any type of paralyzing spell. And even though he's looking at everyone else, the goosebumps on your arms can't seem to calm the heck down.

"Hi," he says and you swear three witches die at his voice.

By Gods, his voice is a smooth luscious rumble that sends hot shivers zapping through you. You shoot your gaze downwards and stare at your converses as if they are the most interesting thing in the world. It doesn't matter how you feel. Whatever this thing is, is something concocted by your mind to play tricks on you. You've long since come to terms with the fact that having a relationship is out the cards. Oh, but did you try though. You'd tried the serial dating thing but it was kinda hard to kiss someone when the only thoughts swirling in your head were those of someone else. Ugh, someone drag you away from this pit before you get buried.

Like magnets, the few witches around gravitate towards him. Sara nudges your shoulder to get back to work and you grumble all the way as you do it. But even then, you can't shake the uncanny feeling in your chest that you've seen him before. Possibly a face in the crowd that you don't remember? No, worse. What if you've seen his face among the countless people you've come in contact with in your visions? A horrible impression sinks into your chest.

Not that its much effort, but you do your best to not cross eyes with him again. None of that jittery, knees buckling nonsense. You know better than to get invested. In fact, you should already be prepared to live life with your twenty-four dogs in solitude. You can hear his voice though, the charming timbre vibrating throughout the room. And you can't really focus on anything else.

"Do you remember him?" Sara breaks you out of your self-induced trance.

"Huh?"

She uses a thumb to point at Taehyung's general direction. "Him."

You shake your head and squint your eyes, confused. "Am I supposed to?"

"He can't be that forgettable." Sara runs her words in circles. "Doesn't his name ring any bells?"

"Ter, spit it out already."

Holding out her arms in surrender, your sister flops down on the soft cushion of the sofa. A deliriously mischievous smile lighting her lips. "He was our neighbor like ages ago. You know back when we lived in Mom & Dad's house? Tae and his older brother lived next to us. Oh, shit, you really don't remember? You had the biggest crush on him when you were, like, ten."

That's not possible. That's not absolutely fucking possible. You have stellar memory. While some people can forget what they had for breakfast a few hours ago, you could remember things in clear perfection. Well, not much of faces because you've seen far too many in one lifetime, but everything else? Heck yeah. You could remember the shape of the pizza you had on your eleventh birthday. A rectangular one. See? Flawless memory.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. You were ten. I was seventeen. I'm sure I have better recall of that, hmm?"

You roll your eyes. Sara is most definitely pulling your legs. There's no way you would have forgotten this crushof yours. And you use the term crush loosely. "Delusional much?"

She shrugs, black hair cascading down her shoulders at the action. "Anyways, Namjoon is Taehyung's brother's friend. Taehyung needs a new coven considering his last one got disbanded by internal disputes and well, voilà."

Here you are indeed. Your lips twist up into something snarky. "So, what? You want me to run to him and rekindle whatever misplaced crush I had?"

"Misplaced?"

"Obviously. I'm not destined to be with someone. He is. Whatever crush," you crook your pointer and middle fingers to emphasize on the word. "I had was stupid. It's not possible and I'm not playing a losing game."

Sara cocks her head to the side. "You still believe that?"

It's not like you have a choice. You refuse to give your heart to someone and then have it handed back to you bruised, battered and crushed. You believe in love, clearly. However, you don't believe in pushing fate. And if your fate is a life without the romantic type of love then... it sucks. But, you will learn to adapt. You have to learn to. Jealousy is an ugly thing and you don't want it feeding into your blood. Now if only your heart could get the memo a little quicker.

Searching for any kind of way to get out of this conversation where all your limits are being tested, you pull at the braided blue bracelet on your wrist. "You're in charge of dinner today. Are we having anything good?"

"Shit," Sara sits up straighter, and you know she completely forgot that today was her day to feed your meager trio of a family.

"Yeah, shit."

"I could order pizza?"

"Like what we had yesterday? And the day before that?" You tap your lower lip for emphasis and dramatics. "Oh! And the one prior to that too."

She reaches up and smacks your shoulder a little bit too hard and you wince but don't allow the smile slip off your face. "Shut up. Do you have something better in mind?"

For a bunch of spectacular witches, your sisters are hopelessly lost in the arts of cooking. You guess years of brewing potions could do that to you. Even with their age, burned toast is the best they can do. But you weren't exactly affluent in the cooking side of things either so you can't judge. Correction: you can't judge a lot.

"Yup," you grab your phone from your back pocket and check the time. Eight fifty-four. Nice. "Vee's is still open."

Sara's eyes start to mist with tears. "I could cry."

Honestly, you see where she's coming from. Food at Vee's could make anyone weepy by sheer amazedness alone. Vee's is a local restaurant that has a beautiful cuisine to match its equally unique name, but the main keeper though? It's open bright and early until sometime around one a.m., which is a blessing. Gods know how long these coven meetings run along for. You're not surprised with the amount of gossip they could talk about but you're so glad it's over earlier than usual.

"I'll get us take out." You offer solely based on the fact that you don't want to be in the same vicinity as the new warlock that's making his rounds talking to people. With this new information reeling in your brain, you don't want to be around him anymore. You're on a mission to deny, deny, and deny this connection to the grave.

"I love you," your sister says as she places an arm on your shoulder. "You're my favorite."

You laugh at that, checking your pockets for your wallet. "I'm always your favorite."

"As long as you don't tell Ionia."

"Don't tell me what?"

Sara makes a choking sound in the back of her throat that sends you into another fit of laughter. Ionia has materialized right behind her, arms across her chest and her face tilted to the side like she knows something the two of you don't. You do a mock salute to the two of them, excusing yourself from the sibling rivalry that's about to happen. "Bye!"

None of them stop you as Sara flies deep into trying to explain to your eldest sister that she meant absolutely nothingwrong with her statement. Ionia won't buy it, but whatever. You feel a pair of eyes digging deep into the side of your head but you will yourself to not look up and instead, sneak out from the front door. Well, not really sneak as much as you slink around bodies unnoticed except by this one person.

The night air is cool against your arms and you're thankful that it's almost winter. There's only so much humidity you can take. You nibble on your bottom lip as you begin the way to Vees.

Taehyung. Taehyung. Taehyung. Why on earth can't you remember him? Yeah, okay let's assume you believe your sister's revelation. You should be able to remember things that happened when you were ten. Heck, you recall a whole lot of things that happened when you were eleven. Your parents had fought in The Great Wiccan War and had sacrificed their lives, along with thousands of others, for the safety of the witches and warlocks at home. They fought against the hatred of other supernatural beings paired with influential humans that wanted the same magic, the same power. They wanted everything without actually being of witchcraft practicing folk. Ironic and disgusting at the same time.

You may not be a witch but the memory stings just as much. But now that you try to dig deeper into your valve of memories, nothing else pops up. Nada. Zilch. Empty. And the more you try, the more you start to feel a headache popping up. In fact, now that you're actually indulging, you realize that all your memories from then are fuzzy. The only reason you know your parents fought in the war is because your sisters told you... Now that you try to evoke a picture of your parents from memory, you find out that you can't. And the admission leaves you more disturbed than before.

The lights of Vee's bring you out of your reverie and you sigh in relief. Vee's has an old retro feeling that sinks into your bones and makes you love it the more you stand in it. And oh gods, the food. Good food to put you out of your sour mood and also, you hope, help you stop thinking about Kim Taehyung for more than godly normal. You take your usual place in a pale blue booth situated near the window and wait for someone to come over.

The place isn't fully packed but it isn't exactly empty either. People in their lonesome inhabiting too-big booths just like yourself. Ah, you wish Sara had come along with you, but then she'd talk your ears off... but then again that seems a lot better than being left alone in your thoughts. Your thoughts aren't being amicable tonight.

A girl with a high ponytail asks you if you want anything and after explaining to her with utmost care the way you take your coffee, she zips away with your order. You use the heels of your palms to rub your eyes. You are so not going to bed tonight. Your sisters can wait a few hours before dinner. If they get really hungry, they can order pizza. A win-win for everyone.

It's as you wait for your cup of caffeine that you hear the little ding of the door sound and against every feeling in the pit of your stomach, you look up.

Ah, the Fates are most certainly after you tonight.

You're not a firm believer in coincidences, but this has to be somewhat by chance because, in the past years, you've never come across him in this diner before. In fact, you've come across him twice today more than you've ever encountered him in ten years. His eyes scan the diner and light when he sees the person working behind the counter.

"Jungkook!" the grin on his face is wide.

Jungkook, you guess, looks up from his notepad and shoots him an equally wide smile. Gods, so much smiling is going around you feel your cheeks burning from the impacts already. "I thought you couldn't make it tonight?"

"Was in the area and thought I'll bless you with my beautiful face."

"Oh, that'sthe reason. Guess the triple-decker pancakes aren't a viable option?"

Taehyung barks out a laugh before responding with something witty yet apologetic at the same time. While you take a closer look at Jungkook and see it. The difference in magical abilities. He definitely isn't a warlock or anything of that caliber, but he looks about thisclose to being on the elf spectrum. Elves aren't tiny, you know this, and he undoubtedly isn't smallish-ly built. But the pointiness of his ears gives it away.

Like an intervention, your coffee finally makes an appearance. You thank the girl and manage to pull a smile as you take it. One sip. That's all you need to get through this bizarre night. You sink deeper into the booth's seat, willing yourself to banish with the air. Alas, that doesn't happen. Alas, Taehyung eyes meet yours in a colossal of moments.

You don't know why but you decide to glare, arching one brow in the same way Ionia does when she's peeved with something you've done. Having been on the receiving end of this look, you know firsthand about its effectiveness... On most people. This guy though? The barely veiled amusement in his eyes expands instead of contracting. In retaliation, he raises one of his own eyebrows. Taunting you.

This time he whispers something to Jungkook before making his way to you. You curl your fingers into a fist in a dire attempt to stop your body from squirming. You're not fazed by him. Not at all. Nope –

"__." His voice is low and steady and oh' how it blitzes your eardrums.

And then through the murkiness of your memories, it hits you square in the chest: this inaudibly amused, slightly introspective look, you've seen it before. In fact, you've seen it countless times. In your dreams maybe but in real life too. It's like watching a movie replay in your mind. Days spent behind a house in the backyard. Bandanas tied around your foreheads. Fuck, you've seen him before. Regardless of what Sara said, you believe her prior. You doknow him. Not in the same way though. The guy playing in the film in your mind is too young, too skinny, too short, too familiar. The guy in front of you now is a hundred ways different.

The glare slips off your face. Replaced by something indescribable because you're not sure what it even is. Luckily, he speaks again.

"Is this seat taken?"

Even if it was, you think you would have a hard time telling him no. You nod your head, not trusting your voice just yet. Smiling, he takes the seat opposite you, his frame eating up space. You pluck a menu from the side of the table and pretend to mull over your order. You know the whole menu like the palm of your hand, but that does nothing to deter you from staring at anything but his face.

Without looking up, you take a hasty sip of your coffee. "So, Taehyung," you air his name out for the first time. "It's been a while."

When he doesn't answer immediately, you pull your gaze up. His expression is guarded and you have the sudden urge to dive under the table and never be seen again. So much for trying to come off as cool, calm and collected. The three C's which you are not.

He blinks, dragging his focus from your lips to your eyes. "Tae."

"What?"

"My name," he clarifies. "I go by Tae."

"Ah," you fiddle with the corner of a laminated menu. "So, I'm not allowed to call you Taehyung? Is that only for friends or something?" It's a joke but you're not positive your delivery is executed properly.

He shakes his head but doesn't jest or twitch, just keeps his attention steady on your face. "Didn't mean it that way. If you want to call me Taehyung, then go for it." Before you can ask him why he had insisted on Tae in the first place, he cocks his head to the side and continues on. "I was under the impression that you'd forgotten me."

Holy-crapping-shit. "And what made you think that?"

"Sara."

"Bitch," you mutter on your breath. Of course, Sara would be the one to cast your dirty laundry out to dry. She probably told him all smug-like too. Ugh, you want to drink a sleepiness potion right about now. Just pass out for the rest of the day. But potions like that are ridiculously expensive... demand and supply and all that.

Taehyung laughs now. "Lovely vocabulary."

You shrug, for some reason feeling easier in your skin than before. "I take full credit."

"As you should. It's a hard thing having siblings."

Finally, an ally. "Tell me about it. If I had more powers, I'll challenge them to a duel or something."

At your statement, he furrows his eyebrows. "You're not a witch?"

"You can't tell? You can't see the insurmountable difference between your level and mine?" You don't intend to come off as insulted as you do, but this topic gets you on edge faster than any other.

Taehyung shakes his head, not sure how to approach this. "I mean I know you have magic but I didn't go around weighting it against anything.

Oh, how you wish the rest of the supernatural community were as open as him. You deny the butterflies cocooning to life inside your belly. You rake your teeth across your bottom lip, contemplating if you should just tell him. Then your ears burn as you realize you just brought his undivided attention to your mouth. Like some goddess of sexuality has possessed your body, your tongue snakes out and wets your lips. His gaze snaps to your mouth, and his eyes narrow.

Damn, you feel it again. That measured, heated sizzle fighting to burst out from your lungs. It's like the air around the two of you is charged. So impossibly electrocuted. This guy makes you wet with just one look and it's ridiculously unbecoming of you but you don't know to fight the feeling. Or rather, you're not sure you want to.

You flatten your hands against the table and force your body to cool. Is it just you, or is he a little bit closer? Close enough that you can see his eyes are a sharp shade of brown, lighter around his cornea before expanding out with a starburst pattern.

"I'm a matchmaker."

"A match... maker?"

"No, no. Matchmaker. Together. You've never heard of a matchmaker before?"

Tae leans back into the cushioning of the booth, his tongue poking the side of his cheek for a moment. "The type that can see true love?"

Pride blossoms in your chest and spreads to your cheeks. That's the only conceivable reason as to why you're now grinning like an idiot. "The one and only."

"Ooh," he says in admiration, clapping his hands together. "That's amazing."

"I aim to please." Crossing one leg over the other, you take a mock bow. You're enjoying yourself, which is a shock because you never thought you'd be this comfortable with someone other than family. You don't want to get ahead of yourself but a tingly buzz lights across your skin and your brain short-circuits before it can get the message.

"How does it work though? Can you look into someone's eyes and just tell?" Taehyung runs his fingertips across his jaw as he nods his head. "Like in That's So Raven except what you see is visualizations of their future lover?"

For a second you get caught up in the movement, in the strong line of his jaw and his long, nimble fingers. You can't remember ever thinking about guys' fingers in terms of sexiness before, but Taehyung —Tae — definitely has sexy fingers.

You shake your head, fighting the heat creeping up your body. In your life, you've never met someone that actually wants to know about what you can do. It's always been a that's-a-cool-story-but-not-really reaction. This is highly unexpected and you can't believe how easily drawn you are to this guy. He's virtually a stranger.

"That'd be cool. One touch," your fingers that are splayed on the tabletop are dangerously close to his that are interlocked together. If you shift just a breath away... "And I'll know."

Shit. You really don't know what the hell you're doing. Because it sounds a great deal like flirting to you. Instinct tells you that flirting with Kim Taehyung isn't something to do flippantly. And there's the fact that you know he's not the one for you. You know this, you know this, so why is your chest suddenly pounding a smidgen too loud?

You can tell that he wants you to find out about his soulmate but you don't want to. If you do then this, whatever this is, won't happen anymore. You'd be forced to crawl back into your shell and hope for something else – someone else. Somewhere deep in your bones, you know this feeling isn't going to come back. You didn't feel like this with any of the boys you dated in high school. You didn't feel it with Yoongi, your previous boyfriend that you parted with because you found his soulmate in the flesh. Nothing good is going to come out of testing the fire that is Kim Taehyung and yet, you can't stop yourself from diving in deeper.

"Anywhere?" He inquires, his voice as whispery as yours.

"Anywhere what?"

He licks his lips, leaning forward on the table with his elbow. "Do you have to touch a specific part of the body?"

You blink continuously. Is he... still flirting? You can't tell anymore. "I don't know. I haven't tried before. Usually, it's the arms."

His lips quirk up. "You should find out just how extensive your abilities are."

"Is this some spazzy way to get me to touch you?"

A hint of a dare flashes in his eyes. "There are a few other people in here. You could go ask them. But I figure since we know each other..."

"Barely."

"You'd rather ask a stranger?"

"You're assuming I really care that much." He's also assuming that he isn't as much as a stranger as everyone else in this diner.

His grin is blindingly white. "I know you're curious." His gaze flickers to your hands. "You're fiddling them with the want to know. You used to do that a lot when we were younger."

Huh, you didn't remember that. You honestly thought it was a habit you acquired sometime in high school. You smooth your fingers to prove a point and exhale roughly. He's watching you. Patient. Calculating. Tempting.

Your fingers clasp around your coffee mug and you down it all in one go. Fuck, where's the waitress? You haven't ordered anything substantial and you have a feeling in your gut that any moment from now it's going to growl loudly. Instead, you growl at him. You swear something else is possessing your body this night. You're never like...this. You are a sophisticated guru of love. That's what you are. So why, oh why, are you staring at him like you'd actually go through with what he's planning?

Your gaze flicks down from his eyes to his lips. His perfectly carved lips. You definitely want to know the feeling of his lips on yours. Wild and impossibly stupid. Taehyung must notice your diverted attention but instead of calling you out, he simply arcs an eyebrow at you. "C'mon then."

By Fates, Gods and every godlike being in the universe, this cheeky bastard is totally playing you. And here you are tumbling deep into his trap. Because you cannot look away from his face now. More specifically his lips, which are parted marginally. An innocent incitement? No. It's dare. A fucking dare.

Shit. You've never been exceptionally good at ignoring dares. No matter how shorthanded you are. You just keep pushing and pushing. A fatal flaw, you realize now.

Perhaps there truly is something unthinkably wrong with you because you slide out of your side of the booth and move over to his side before you can change your mind. Suddenly, your nose is inflamed with the scent of pinewood and mint and something else you can't pinpoint. You decide to claim that distinct smell as Tae.

One of his forearms is still placed on the silver table and your eyes lock on it. You hate that your hand trembles as you skim your fingers along his sinewy muscles. And you hate even more how loud your heart is beating. So loud that you can't even hear yourself breathe. Are you even breathing?

You're expecting to feel the burst of light that transports you into a vision but all you see is spazzing static. Like it's struggling to come to fruition. This... this isn't right. You should be able to see a thousand flashing pictures of him and his future beloved. How come all you're getting is unclear feedback? You almost draw back from shock. It's not possible that you can't see the end of his line, is it? What would that even mean? That he doesn't make it to the point where he meets his soulmate? Is his soulmate even alive? Your mind is racing for something to justify why everything looks so bleak behind your eyelids. But Taehyung remains perfectly still, his other arm nonchalantly draped on the edge of the booth behind you, his body turned toward yours. However, you don't miss the way his breathing shudders faintly.

Somewhere deep inside of you, you're desperate to show yourself that this thing between the two of you isn't possible. You need to see his soulmate. You need to be reminded that no matter what, he and you aren't on the same wavelength. Can never be on the same wavelength. Your hands rise from his skin and you hesitate, shy almost by what you want to do. Shit on ice. All you're going to do is touch a bit of his face. Why does it feel like you're about to rip a part of your soul and hand it to him in his palm like it's a corded silver platter?

Annoyed with yourself, you close the distance between your bodies.

You glance up at him and search through his eyes. He gives you nothing back. So, you rage on. Running your fingers up his jaw, across his cheek. Little fireflies spark at your touch, sending prickles of awareness over your skin, up your clothed thighs. You swallow hard and press your legs together. Can he tell? You're too apprehensive to check his eyes so, you keep your focus on his face.

This is a mistake. The air between the two of you is changing now, shifting to something tighter, closing in on your airways. A buzz hums through your bones, and his expression draws into something intense, his focus never waivers from yours. In this instant, you know him. You know him. All of him. You feel like you've known him your whole life like you've been anticipating for him to come back from wherever he has been.

Suddenly sensitive, your own lips part slightly. Somehow, your body has moved closer. You can't help yourself, dammit. You trace the bottom crook of his bottom lip with your forefinger.

Thunder of the Wicked Witch of the West, this is a grave mistake. Not only has your mind melted into a puddle of nothingness. You're getting an influx of information transmuting straight to your head. Befuddled memories suddenly coming out of years induced haze. You see Taehyung and you see someone else. You see them holding each other's arms, you see the look of pure adoration in his eyes. Fuck show me their face! But instead the fog clears, and you come back to the present.

In a daze, you feather your fingers across his lips again. The contrast between his soft yet firm mouth sends a bolt of pure, shocking want straight to your heart. You want to be that person in the vision. You've never felt this type of attachment with any of your previous requests. You've never felt the upending strings in your chest come undone. You've heard of intense connections, but you've never experienced one before... until now. There's no other word for what is happening in this moment. No other way to rationalize your actions. You follow the upper curve, and holy shit, you can't stop imagining his mouth moving over your skin.

You should stop. You are a pro-freaking-fessional. You should absolutely demonstrate some self-restraint. You tell yourself this even as you keep at tracing his mouth, the corners of it, his chin. Tae breathes lightly through his parted lips, and each exhale sends a little gust of soft heat over you.

You want him to push just a little bit closer and close the distance completely. But he won't. Not when his slim, slender hand has fallen to your hip, branding you, his fingers clasping in such a way that's a little possessive as it is protective.

Colorful city lights strobe in from the big paneled window, lighting Taehyung's face in a way that makes it turn to liquid gold. What the fuck am I doing here? Like some masochist, killing yourself slowly. You shouldn't be here, stealing the spotlight of someone else. But the idea of leaving is as dreadful as asking you to cast a reducio spell. Not happening.

You want to — no, you need — to feel more. And that need takes a mind of its own. Your whole body vibrates with a please, please, please as you feel his sharp intake of breath a nanosecond before your lips slowly graze his. Gods. Good gods, that's good. Actually no, the word to be used is phenomenal. His lips are silky-firm, lusciously smooth. You do it again, this time touching the corner of his mouth.

You press into his mouth, greedy, needy. You've never acted like this before. It's like some succubus of lust has taken control of your body and you can't do anything about it. Your thumbs bracket the corners of his face as you taste him. A small whimper sounds between the two of you. You don't know if you let it out or he did. There's no way it's you. You've never whimpered in your life. But then you make another one and fuck, it doesn't matter. You've become positively obsessed with his mouth, taking kiss after kiss.

His tongue dips inside and you swear you see stars dance and spark behind your eyelids. He groans as he uses a hand to tilt your head and deepen the kiss. His hand on your waist is like liquidized fire, searing your skin. Gods, this is bad. This is really bad. Kisses aren't supposed to be like this. You've done it countless times with countless people, but it has never affected you like this. The vibrations of his deep, low, almost feral moan send a throb through your body. Suddenly you want to knock the baseball cap off his head and run your hands through his hair. But before you can do so, you break apart for air.

And it's now, with the cool air-conditioned breeze of Vee's blowing over your glowing face that you realize where exactly you are. You all but jump ten feet in the air to get away from him. Taehyung isn't a warlock. NOPE. He has to be something else. Maybe an incubus? You're inhumanly mortified over the way you downright jumped Tae.

Another wave of embarrassment floods through you when you realize the stares of the other patrons inhabiting the diner.

Shit. It isn't never been your style to do public showings.

Slowly, oh' so slowly because the embarrassment™ is too much, you look up to catch his gaze. Unexpectedly though, his expression isn't smug. It's more thoughtful and a bit gentle. "So, what did you see?"

You're not sure you can remember. You're not sure you want to be honest and tell him you don't know. "Be honest, did you do all this simply for me to kiss you?"

"No." He refutes your question, but his focus drops to your throbbing lips. "Truthfully, I just wanted you to touch me."

His words leave you more breathless than the kiss and it takes you a long moment to get your brain up and running. You have no idea what to do with yourself. And now let's get another misconception out of the way: you love physical attraction (not that you have that much experience.) But you don't do this. You don't make out with guys who aren't at all your type. You don't kiss almost-perfect strangers. And you absolutely do not hit on a person that asks you to find their soulmate. That's just asking for tons and tons of awkwardness.

When you don't say anything in return, Taehyung sighs dejectedly. Like you just rejected him or something. But you're having a tough time coming to terms with everything. Taehyung's soulmate isn't you. At least, you're eighty-eight-point eighty-eight percent sure. You didn't get a clear view of the face, but it can't be you. You won't entertain the thought only to have it pulled under your feet later. But then, why the fuck is your heart beating so deafeningly loud that all these arguments swirling in your head no longer make any sense?

"I'll walk you home," Tae says quietly. Your face snaps to his, and he recoils. "And no, your sisters didn't ask me to do that." He glances at the window for a second. "This is all me."

"Okay."

Home sounds like a way better plan. The only problem is that you want to go alone and not have to face Tae any more than you already have. Sultriest kiss of your life or no, this is something you cannot do again. Kim Taehyung is dangerous to your convictions in many ways. And you know, you just know, that come what may, he can become an addiction if you take another taste of him. And we all know that's not something you genuinely want.

The local university prides itself on having extremely hard, very-possible to bring you to tears Math classes. So, it was staple reasoning that everyone came to class to pick out the best seats. Today, however, Ionia had needed you to drop some packaged stardust (store-bought glitter actually because stardust does not exist! No one has flown to the stars and survived long enough to crush one) to a delivery drop-off.

Your sisters' magical shop is the only thing connecting them to the human world and although more than everything they sell is authentic, sometimes clients just want the most inane things. Like who thinks stardust would actually give them supernatural tendencies? The supernaturals themselves don't even believe in stardust. Hard to believe in something that hasn't been proven or fact-checked.

You take a seat near the back of the class and pull out your notebook, pencils, and a calculator. You might hate math with every atom of your being, but you'll hate failing this class even more. The professor is running later than usual, and seats are filling up faster and faster. You begin twiddling with the edge of a ruled paper to pass the time.

"__?"

Jerking up your head so fast that dark spots dance in your vision for a hot second, you wonder if you heard wrong. Thinking it was the professor, you're ready to answer when you realize the voice that spoke was deeper, laced in an intrinsic feel of confidence and molten-syllables. The voice takes ahold of your spine, making it prickly straight and goose-bump museum-worthy. Surely the voice you'd heard couldn't possibly be the one it really was. No, Gods no, not him. He cannot be in this class. He wasn't here last week, but you also hadn't paid attention last week... or the week before that. Shit.

And even as these thoughts run wild in your brain, your traitorous body waves a yellow happy flag in the command center.

Preparing yourself, you turn and come face to face with your weekend tormentor, the best kisser of your life, your ex-childhood friend. Kim Taehyung. Of all the universities loitered around the city, of all the courses, of all the seats... this time there's no cap on his head, a black beanie takes that spot, but his wide brown eyes twinkle. There's a knowing humor in his gaze that it tugs a smile from the tips of your lips.

And you shouldn't be smiling. The last time you'd been in the same vicinity as him, you had practically mauled his lips with yours. Holy fuck. This is embarrassing as hell. You bite your tongue and will yourself to push all thoughts of kissing far, far away from your mind. You already spent all weekend trying to justify your actions to no avail. You can't spend the next fifty minutes doing the same thing.

"What are you doing here?" You ask, dropping the pencil from your grip.

"I'm in this class. Have been all semester. What are you doing here?"

Instead of replying to him verbally, you raise your Mathematics textbook up from the desk and show him. It's weird that you hadn't noticed him before. He stands out... in more ways than one. Everyone seems to gravitate towards him as if he's the center, even though the desk you're currently at is at the way back. Weird but not Tae doesn't seem to mind it. He flops into the free seat next to you and begins to slowly pull out his belongings.

This is the point you should apologize. You know this and yet you can't fight the words out. Like something is holding your vocal box tight and wouldn't let go. You clear your throat. You have to apologize and let him know that his soulmate is out there and there's a high chance it is not you. So, whatever this is needs to stop. It needs to stop before you embarrass yourself further.

"So, I was thinking," Tae is the first to break the silence. "How accurate are your visions?" When he sees the offended look on your face that's bound to be there because how dare he question your talents? He adds quickly. "Not that I won't believe whatever you say. I'm a mere warlock, after all, you're the real magic maker."

Not really but flattery gets him somewhere. You shrug your shoulders, attempting to calm the nervous feeling budding up your lungs. Your visions are more than accurate... when you actually get to see them. Taehyung is a whole new variety that you haven't seen before. And you've seen too many supernatural things for this to be such an issue. But here you are.

"Usually I'm a hundred percent sure, but with you, I'd say eighty something."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Eighty? Does that make me special?"

"A little. I think I need more time to... touch you."

Oh no that came out so wrong and your eyes widen when the full implications of your words register in your head. Did you just pose an innuendo to this guy? Holy shit, Sara was right when she told you last night that you were fucked. Clearly, you can't trust your lips to say anything meaningful if this is the kind of bullshit it spits out when it's in control.

You fumble to take your words back to whence they came. "I don't mean it like that. I mean, I do need to touch you, just not like that."

"Like what?" Tae asks, genuinely confused.

Take your vocal chords out and incinerate it. "Nothing."

He laughs, and it only reminds you that he has an amatory laugh. All at once, you want to go back to that night in the diner and stay in there for a while. You desperately want to go back to the time when you hadn't peered into his foreseeable future.

You wish you hadn't seen him paired up with someone else because you want this. You've never felt this before. Is this what you preach to the masses that come to your door? This overwhelming feeling that's threatening to tear through the butterflies beating in your chest? Maybe. You wouldn't know. But damn have you missed out.

"So, you didn't see anything? Not even a hand?" The laughter is still bubbling through his voice as he makes his inquiry.

"All I can say is that you have a soulmate. Somewhere out there, there's someone made just for you."

Taehyung nods his head, turning your statement over in his head. "Neat." He taps his neatly-cut fingers on the polished desk, creating a light rap sound. "What happens if this person isn't someone I want?"

Unintentionally, a scoff leaves your lips and you barely manage to not roll your eyes. "That's not going to happen."

"Okay. But if."

"If and only if, then I guess you get to do whatever you want. Fall in love with whoever, but they might not fall in love with you back."

"Isn't love supposed to be greater than that?"

Maybe. Possibly. Yes. But there's a system to this thing. The universe and the Fates decide who you end up with, although they couldn't be worried about the semantics of things. Of course, they've paired almost everyone up with someone else. They haven't paired you... yet. But as you've said: it's all semantics.

With a bustle of heavy panting and almost splayed papers, the professor finally makes an appearance in the classroom, walking in a straight bee-line to the front. "Sorry, sorry. Parking." He says as an excuse and a reprieve because every car-driving being on campus knows how hellish it is to find parking space at these hours and honestly, in general.

At the end of the time bracket, you take extra time with packing up, detergents have nothing on you with the way you clean off shaved rubber from your desk. A stupid giddiness flitters through you when you realize that Tae is waiting for you instead of charging out of the classroom.

So, what if the talk about the possibilities of love put you through a hard loop? You've heard of people rejecting their soulmate, but it doesn't add up. Why would someone do something fatal like that? For who? Who would ever be worth the risk?

It's when you're rising from your chair, one hand firmly placed on the desk that your fingers accidentally slide and brush against Tae's. The heat of his fingertips sends tiny fractures of awareness over your resolve. Maybe you don't know that much about love as you think you do.

You won't – can't– pretend there isn't attraction skittering between the two of you. And even though every bone in your body is telling you to let it go, you know your body and mind are not on the same page. Never have and probably never will.

"Are you busy after this?"

"Um," you wrack your head for anything you have yet to do but come up with nothing. "Not really. Why?"

You shouldn't be looking at his lips. Heck, maybe you shouldn't even trust yourself with just talking with him. Gods know how forgone you already are.

"There's a gig I'm playing in a few hours and..." You've never seen Tae get flustered before but holy the reddening of his cheeks is too cute too ignore. "If you're free then, I was wondering if you'd come?"

"You're in a band? That's illegal, you can't be both a warlock and a musician. It's unfair to humans."

Speaking of things, you shouldn't do, flirting with him is definitely Type A on the list. And another thing, Taehyung shouldn't be both cute and sexy, it's unfair on the bits of your soul that are being affected right now.

When he doesn't answer your pseudo-question, you grin. "Are you blushing, Tae?" You reach out and poke his cheek, all while he stretches out and catches your wrist safely between his fingers. The action is so fast that for a moment you forget to exhale.

Mathematically, you know time cannot freeze. Magically, you know Tae wouldn't have had the time to cast a time-stopping spell without you noticing. But forever it is worth, time completely stops. His liquid gold eyes scan your face before everything blurs out of focus.

In this foresight, you see Taehyung on a small stage, you have no prior knowledge of musical instruments, but you know that it's a bass guitar resting across his frame. And you see his smile, it's brightening by the second and it blitzes straight through your chest because he's aiming it at you. Or no, you don't know, he could be directing it at his soulmate somewhere in the crowd. But in this moment, it's you.

Hope sparks in your veins, something you hadn't given yourself the opportunity to believe in. And beneath your haze, you know he feels it too. You can see it in his lightning eyes and the swift beating of his heart against his chest. This is why you shouldn't touch, much less have kissed, Tae. Because now you can't stop rerunning it in your head. You know what he tastes like now. And what he tastes like is sweet, sweet addiction.

"So, what about it?" Taehyung asks in a low, vibrating voice. And he must sense your palpable confusion because he adds. "My band's performance. Will you be there?"

"Time and place. I'll be there." What's the harm in that? It's not like you're going to fall head over heels for him. You have more sense than that. You are a guru of love. You know everything, you tell yourself. And what this is, is deep infatuation and you can definitely chase the zings away with cold, cold, cold water.

Famous last words, right?

It feels like the grand inspection as your sisters and stable coven member, Hoseok, scrutinize your attire in the middle of the living room. Suddenly, you feel highly inadequate in your ripped black jeans, turtleneck sweater, and coat. You think you look good, but the looks of horror on Ionia and Sara's face beg to differ.

"You can't possibly want to go meet the love of your life in this," Sara's voice borders on disappointment and disgust.

"I mean, the jacket is kinda cute." Hoseok raises a flag in your defense.

Ionia spurts out a laugh at that remark, effectively tearing the flag to pieces. "I could lend you my halter top? You know the gold one?"

You love your family and your friend, you truly do. You'd take on a winged fire dragon for them. But you can't believe you set yourself up for this interrogation. Asking them to help you get ready for this non-date, was a disaster ready to happen. And there's no one to blame but you for wanting extra validation.

Biting your tongue to prevent a snarky statement that'll only cause this conversation to drag out longer, you calm yourself by exhaling a deep breath. "It's winter, dearest sister. Unless you want me back in a body bag, let me wear this jacket in peace," then you swivel your attention to the other hawk in the room. "And Sara, please for the love of everything, Tae isn't the love of—"

Ionia cuts through your monologue. "It's September!" Just as Sara wiggles her eyebrows goofily. "Tae, huh. Guess you guys are closer than I thought."

Instead of deigning either comment with a response, you turn around and grab your phone and keys from the sofa, safely tucking them in the back pocket of your jeans before glancing back at the trio. You pity for Hoseok who got dragged into staying with them as they practice new incognito spells.

"Have fun babysitting them, Hobi," you call out, raising a fisted palm to your chest in salute. "I pray for your safety."

Hoseok chuckles even as he uses a hand to reciprocate your salute. "I can handle it."

You make it a pointed effort to not say your goodbyes to your sisters before running out of the house. It's a fifteen-minute walk to the bar that Taehyung's band is playing at and you want to be there deathly on time. Not because you want to see his face again so quickly, of course not, but rather because this is what good friends do. Or at least what they should.

You are going to go there and be the most supportive person in the crowd. You vow on it. You'll be good. You wouldn't dare to wish for things you can't attain again. You'll allow the fates to work their magic on whoever that's meant for Tae. If it happens to not be you, then...

"Oh, fuck it." You say aloud, dunking your cold fingers in the pockets of your navy-blue coat.

Continuing the route to the bar in the silence of your mind, you realize that your brain actually does know how to shut up, just when it's on its own terms. And you guess, neither your head nor your heart wants to think about the possibility of you and Tae getting together. Sadly, because the probability is so low that it feels like your wishing on a goddamn star for a miracle.

You reach there faster than you anticipate with ample time before Taehyung's group is scheduled to go on stage and now you wonder if it's okay for you to just walk in? Well, of course, it should be. But what if he's busy entertaining his fans? You find it hard to picture him without any. With his killer smile and rumbling voice, it would be hard not to fall. You rub your palms together in a bid to warm them up faster but also to stall the inevitable meeting. You pace outside the bar, wondering if it's possible to cancel now.

Something bumps into your shoulder and you almost topple over from the impact but fortunately, someone catches you by your forearms, keeping you upright and saving your face from an impromptu make out with the cemented floor. It's a brief moment but you're thankful for wearing a coat today. Nothing worse than having a moment of seeing their love life in the middle of the pathway.

The first thing you notice about the person that caught you is the impish point of his ears and then the floppy coffee-colored hair on his forehead. You're in the process of thanking him and apologizing for putting him in this situation when he lets out a loud surprised sound from deep in his throat. You swear it sounds like a squeal.

"You're that lady from the diner!" He sounds excited for some reason, so you look up from your boot-clad feet and focus on his face.

"What?"

"Vee's," he says. "I work there. And your friend, well I guess our friend, Taehyung was with you the other day... Unless I have the wrong person. Then, I am so sorry for this inconvenience." He looks completely mortified at the possibility of this happening.

The corner of your lip lifts up as your mind remembers him. "Yeah, I guess that's me. My name's __. by the way. You're Jungkook, right?"

He nods as his face brightens up like he was a switch that can be so easily accessed. His smile puts you at ease though, at least you know someone in what seems to be a mass of people if your peeking through the glass door is anything to swear by.

"Oh, you haven't seen Taehyung tonight, have you?" Jungkook asks as he pulls the bar door open and lets the smell of alcohol, perfume, and other unidentified scents weave their way to where you stand.

Shaking your head, you drag your palms against the rough pattern of your jeans before you walk into the loud bar. People are everywhere and its impossibly hard to find any free space. You're about this close to breaking away and walking back home but then you remember that Jungkook is right behind you and he'll most likely snitch you out to Taehyung when he gets the chance.

You sigh out as Jungkook takes a step beside you. You scan his outfit and notice the black muscle tank top that he has on and then you notice the glittery glint of three silver earrings dropping from his left ear.

Before you can scan any lower, he bends his head a little. "We go on in about ten minutes." He chortles out above a whisper but a decibel lower than the chatter around the two of you.

"We?" Your eyebrows dance across your forehead.

"Of course." He shoots you a grin that is supposed to be heart-melting, and it is. Just not in the same way Taehyung's affect you. Now you wonder if this is how it's going to be; you consistently comparing everyone else to Taehyung. "I'm the drummer after all."

"That's so cool."

"I know," Jungkook mock bows at your compliment. "Anyways, I have to get backstage or else I owe the rest of the band lunch for a month." He gags at the prospect before he's waving at you and weaving his way through the horde of people. People stop and stare as he jogs past, they move away and create a river just for him to pass by and then they regroup into clusters and squeal and gossip about him.

It's an odd thing to notice but he doesn't look the least affected by it. But now you feel like the only sober person in this bar. You bite your lip as you keep your head down and scramble for a good position to see the stage.

There's a real problem though. The place is packed so full that you have to stand at the back just to be able to breathe. But there's so much anticipation swelling in your veins at just the thought of getting to hear him perform. You fold your arms across your chest, waiting for anything to happen. And its when you're not paying acute attention, fiddling with apps on your phone, that the screams of other people jolt you into the present.

The chants are loud and deafening and overpower the anxious feeling in your chest. And then as your eyes are filtering across the stage, they connect with his. It should be impossible for him to be able to see you all the way from where he stands in the center. It should be impossible for him to even know where you are in this colossal of bodies. But his gaze is unwavering and the knowing smirk gracing his face is anything short of accidental.

You check around your surroundings for anyone that he could be looking at but there's no one that looks anything other than a fan or a casual drinker. You peer up at him, this time holding his gaze with your own and his smile breaks forth. It lights a galaxy inside you.

"Hello everybody, I hope everyone has been having a good night so far," he starts. He looks across the crowd in front of him as they scream for him before he checks back on you. "We've been working on a few songs since the last time you saw us and quite honestly I'm a little bit nervous to perform it in front of you guys tonight."

One of his bandmates, a fair-headed lanky boy rolls his eyes at his statement and like telepathy, Taehyung laughs into the mic. "Lemme guess, Yoongi just rolled his eyes right now." Yoongi rolls his eyes again but smiles as he turns around to tune his guitar.

You're blown away by the level of comradery they have. All four of them. Jungkook is behind the drum set, blowing kisses to the girls up front and distracting them from Tae's speech. The one behind the keyboard looks mightily model-like in nature. With a piercing gaze and soft breached smile, he looks into the crowd with a relaxed ambiance.

"As usual we have JK on the drums, Jin on keyboard," Jin bows and waves and you put a palm to your chest to prevent its palpitations. He's ridiculously pretty. "Yoongi doing whatever the hell he does with that guitar." His statement earns a laugh from everyone listening, including you. Yoongi himself doesn't find it as hilarious though, he scrunches his nose and shakes his head. "I'm Taehyung and thank you for coming out to listen to Indie Magic Tendencies."

He throws one last toothy smile into the audience, rubbing his palms together before then grabbing the mic with two hands. "Before I forget, today's performance is dedicated to a special friend of mine in the crowd right now."

An electric wire grapples around your chest, forcing you to stand up straight and cease breathing as he continues, this time with his focus on you. It's like he's calling you out. "I'm not trying to bend your beliefs or go against what you think the world wants. But sometimes two people have to really, really, want each other to be for the universe to listen."

You're not present as Jungkook reaches up and grabs his mic to say, "and here's our song: let me." You're not present as the slow and even smoother voice of Taehyung and Jin slithers into the ears of the patrons in the bar. You don't even notice as the loud cheers of the fans decrease into a low mumble as if they too are holding their breath. You can't make sense of anything going on around you in this moment because of the insanely loud thump of your heart as it struggles to beat in your chest.

You'd become dismissive of the idea of love in relations to you. It's awfully hilarious that you are realizing this now, with the one person you would love to spend forever with in front of you. You've hidden behind this notion that the Fates decide everything. And although the Fates, in all their gloriousness, mean no harm. Why does it have to be you? You've seen countless people that did not stick to your assigned pairings that go on to have rewarding lives with each other. Even though you are right, you are also wrong?

Why do you have so much love to give but nothing to receive? Why do you have to be the only abiding by rules that no one else sees? Why do you have to be graceful and accept this stalemate that has been placed upon you?

Everyone — witches and warlords, elves and faeries, vampires, and lycanthropes – they all believe in this innate magic. Magic that sprouts from the trees like water before spraying into the air. Magic that swims far deep within you and drowns out everything. You've been taught to only reach for things that are given to you. Never step outside your jurisdiction. You are not a witch. You don't have a mass of reserved magic. What you have is fleeting. One touch one memory. It's not fixed. You shouldn't wish for more. Shouldn't long for it either.

And for a while, you've been completely fine with it. It's not like someone had shot through your axis and shaken your atmosphere before. Taehyung's arrival has shown you the other side that you haven't been attuned to. This unreasonable want for something — someone. And the unbearable need to attain.

You bite your lip and slink deeper into the shadows, hoping that for whatever its worth, Taehyung doesn't have excellent eyesight because you're this sure that your myriad of conflicting emotions is highlighted in bold across your face.

Pulling out your phone from your coat pocket, you open the messages app and do what any other sane person would do in this situation. You text Sara.

Can I ask you something?

Her reply is almost instantaneous. Shoot.

What's your take on the whole Taehyung situation?

Lmao. You hear her laughter ringing in your ears. What situation? According to you, there's nothing there. Remember? All that "I'm destined to never find love" bs you were talking about?

You want to burn. Actually, no. You want to hide. Forget about that. This is serious, okay! I really like him. It's weird and I've never felt this way about anything, absolutely nothing. And I know he likes me too, it's just... ugh.

Sara: Okay relax. First of all, liking him is good. Him liking you back is a bonus, be happy!

Typing a fast response, you prod the inside of your cheek with your tongue. You're not helping at all.

Sara: Hahaha, well you haven't told me what to exactly help with so....

It's obvious. He has a soulmate out there and I don't. What about ten years down the line and he finds them and suddenly I'm like a discarded chew toy. I don't want that.

Sara: fuck that noise. Soulmates are just people, __. You think you just find someone and immediately want to be with them because some god told you so? Heck, no. you like Taehyung, right? You just have to figure out how much you like him. And I'm not saying your abilities are whack or wrong, but sometimes you just know, you know. You know who you wanna to be with and who knows? Maybe the fates will listen. Idk

You try not to laugh at the irony of her and Taehyung saying essentially the same thing. This is a serious conversation and you shouldn't be laughing but the irony isn't lost on you. You turn off your phone before dunking it back into your pocket. Sara's right; fuck that noise. You're gonna do it. You're going to walk up to him once he finishes sweating up that stage with his sexy as sin voice and mad good guitar skills and tell him –

There's a loud ping! as your phone chimes with a new message. Reaching into your pocket, you see the new text Sara has sent you.

There are a gazillion people in the universe. You've met a thousand and then some extra since the day you were born. But there's only one person that you can connect with on a deep, natural level... there's only one Kim Taehyung. And if it's him? Why do you have to settle for someone else?

It's almost fitting that as you see the shining behind the puzzle maze, the crowd cheers in a deep mix of squeals and cries as Indie Magical Tendencies wrap up their set for the night. Jungkook has taken Taehyung's previous position and is thanking the crowd for coming out. Grinning wide and eyes shining brighter. And then you're frantically searching the stage for Taehyung but he's not there anymore.

Your confidence is waning. This is a bad idea. Your testing fate. It's never gonna work out anyway. You're going to be disappointed in a few months when everything turns lackluster and boring and you'd wish you had listened to your head instead of your heart.

Then suddenly, he's in front of you, as if you conjured him up from thin air. You know that's not the case but it's nice to believe. He opens his mouth to say something you'll never know because you beat him to it faster.

"I need to talk to you." The too-full establishment makes it hard to hear yourself so you add, a little bit louder this time. "Let's go outside."

He hears you and soon his long fingers are searing into your skin as they wrap around your wrist and lead you out the back door. You don't pay attention to the looks, or the sighs, or the gasps. You're focusing your energy on trying to see his soulmate and still, you see nothing but static. It doesn't matter anyway, you realize, you're about the most selfish person on the planet. Or at least that what you think.

Outside is colder as the night has finally settled but it doesn't feel as bad with him next to you. The back of the bar is a dumpster heaven but at least its quiet and you can hear the loud badump! of Tae's heart, it's rivaling yours. You lean against the brick of the building, needing the extra support.

You start. "I-I intended to listen to your voice tonight, but it really was nothing but an intention because I couldn't listen."

His fingers release your arm as he raises them to his chest in faux hurt. "Yikes, my voice isn't that bad –"

"Your voice is amazing!" You are quick to say. "It's because of what you said earlier. This — everything, is new to me. I've never felt like this for anyone."

"Neither have I."

"But you're you," incredulity laces your tone. "There's no way you haven't. You're cool and calm and a wizard that knows how to play the fucking guitar and sing and you're beautiful. Like insanely. You could projectile vomit on someone and they'll thank you."

He laughs at your wordy compliment. "Sure, it's possible that other people have felt that way about me. But I can't remember ever falling so hard for someone else before."

"What about soulmates and the future and..." your voice is weak, your resolve weaker and he capitalizes on that.

"When you touch me you don't see anything, do you?"

Your breath stutters in your throat and you choke on it which pushes you into a coughing fit. Ah shit, this is embarrassing as hell. Taehyung is kind of laughing at you, kind of looking concerned for your wellbeing until the last of the cough wheezes past your lips. You curl your fingers at your side as you look up at him. You take nervously calming breathes to gain your voice back.

"I don't. I see you laughing, and I see that you're happy, but I don't see th—"

"Exactly! To say or even think that one can or should wait for their entire existence for this soulmate to come around is an oxymoron, an impossibility. People eventually always get sick of waiting. I'll probably get sick of waiting. No one waits forever for someone they don't even know."

"But—" Your admonishment is shallow on your lips.

"I choose you."

He says the words with such confidence that it leaves you flustered, and with your brain desperately searching for something to say. But all that leaves you with is your mouth opening and closing before remaining agape. Your body is heating up, you don't know to calm down. You don't want to.

"What if you had a soulmate?" You are fighting the expansion of your cheeks because he's looking at you like this whole situation is funny and maybe it is. You're fishing for comments and he accepts the bait.

"I don't care," Tae says. "I would have found you again. I would have done something. I don't know, conjured up some daemon from the netherworld and sold my soul." He has a way with words, even the most terrifying thing doesn't sound so bad when it leaves his lips.

You think this to be the end of his spiel, but Tae doesn't stop there. It's as if he's trying to convince you with every bone in his body that there is magic between the two of you and he doesn't want to stand around doing nothing when he can so clearly feel it.

"And what about soulmates? What do you think my chances are of finding a shared soul in this hell of a universe? What if I've already met them but didn't do anything about it because I was banking on a particular trigger I don't feel? I'll be fortunate if I can find just one person who'll be able to put up with me for the rest of eternity.

"Only twice in my life have I ever felt this inexplicable, nearly transcendental pull to a person. But it wasn't two, it was only one. It's only been you. I don't know what's happened to make your memories of our childhood befuddled, but that doesn't even matter. In the end, I want to make it work with you. I want to take you out on dates, I want to learn what makes you laugh the hardest, I want to be with you, __. But if you truly do not feel the same as me, I'll go. I'll find that soulmate, that's not supposed to be you, and hope, whatever happens, happens for the best."

His face is deathly close to yours, breath fanning against your heating cheeks. His words have the ability to break you undone but put you back together again and again. You should be selfish. Here he is in front of you, pouring his beliefs and soul and you should too. You don't have to hide behind barricades you placed for yourself. You want him. You want to experience this. You—

"Okay."

"Okay?" His eyebrows crunch, a lithe smile appears.

You nod your head vigorously. "Okay! Let's do it. Fuck the fates. I want you too. And you'll be sorely mistaken if you think, or if they think, I'll stand here and aide you in leaving me. I can't explain it either, but I feel it. It's not something I can express."

"It's not something you have to express. You either know or you don't."

"You're right." You agree. "I also know that now that we've cleared all that up, I'm a hundred percent down with making out with you right now. Just putting that out there. You know, if you were, uh, wondering."    

"Really?" Taehyung asks, moving closer to you till you're backed up hard against the wall. "You want to kiss me in the back of semi-smelly pub?"

You shrug your shoulders as Taehyung reaches up with his fingers and caresses your cheek. He has really sexy fingers you notice for the millionth time. "Can't you do some hocus pocus spell and do some invisibility cloak or something? I mean, you're a warlock."

"Hm, I could do all of that. But that's going to take like, what, three minutes? I could just take up your offer and," he bends his head low and places feathers with his lips all across your jawline. Little fledglings of heat spark up from his touch. But then the tips of his sweaty hair tickle your cheek and you pull back in laughter.

"You know what?" He has his arms wrapped around your waist and a confused pout on his lips. "We should restart." Taehyung nods his head agreeing. "Yeah, I should probably take you out on a proper date before I get handsy."

"We literally kissed the first day we met each other."

"But that was for an experiment. A hot one. But an experiment no less. That doesn't count as our first kiss."

You laugh as the two of you break apart and you stare up at him as you try to regain your breath. He looks ethereal and you wonder how you look in his eyes. You reach up with your fingers and push his hair back so that it doesn't tickle your face again and then you push up and place your lips firmly against his.

There's no all-consuming fire that melts your bones in one sweep. Instead, there are high definition images screening through your mind showcasing the two of you. Together. You see yourself and you see him and you see bits of your life in between. And you look happy. You look deliriously so. Taehyung maneuvers your body closer and you get lost in him. Your thoughts scatter and you forget your own name but the feel of Taehyung's concrete chest against your own, with his own heart beating out of sync places a smile on your face.

Breaking apart from him is a challenge that you don't want to complete if not for the nagging in your lungs for air. Your mind is frazzled, your face heated and your chest full.

"I saw your soulmate."

"Yeah?" He whispers out. "I already know who it is."

You giggle. "You do?"

"Of course. I can see it on your face," he pauses then nods his head once. "It's you."

a/n » this was long and im very thankful to everyone who reads this and i hope you really enjoyed it bc i had so much fun writing it! :) thank you so so much for reading >.<

⇢ masterlist

©️ 2018 kai, moonbelt [aka high-on-food]

[gh0stpkmn]

ok uh. yooran gaming channel au - part 2

@misfireezreal reblogged the ‘yoosung has a gaming channel au’ post and wrote a really cute lil addition that inspired me to add some more ideas to this mess of an au..... and i got really carried away

their addition / reblog post is here !!  tho i’ll also put a screenshot of it under the cut... along with more headcanons/ideas/whatever for the au/scenario

 god this is so cute omfg. ok so..

●  yoosung liking comments that say nice things abt saeran?? so good. honestly the sweet comments probably rlly do a lot of good things for saeran’s self esteem!! they cheer him up when he’s feelin sad i would think? definitely helps a lot on his rougher days.

●  misfireezeal mentioned donations so i started thinking about what donation money would go towards... when theyre not goin towards yoosung’s tuition (if he even stays in university at this point?? idk??)  or his cost of living, or equipment for the channel, they go to charities.

yoosung wants to help animals so they donate to animal rescue organizations and stuff like that. he wants to contribute help to other causes too so... he wants saeran to have some say where the money goes (and i mean saeran is the meme bringin in a lot of it so. ye.)

it’s important to saeran that they donate to organizations that provide help for mentally ill people--especially mentally ill youth. also organizations that help children in foster care or like... help kids that have been abused idk.. idk! idk...  things that can help young people that are going through some of the same things saeran went through

yoosung doesn’t announce the donations or anything because like... he doesn’t really feel the need to???? neither of them see a point in posting/talking about it. it just feels good to do nice things.

other stuff:

●  it comes up in passing that like. saeran as a knack for hacking and everyone’s like “how could u do this?? cant believe ur a dirty hacker”

saeran’s like “ lol dont worry. i only cheat at games when i play against my brother because he’s a shit and never plays fair ”

chat is like “whoa we didn’t know you had a brother!!!”

and they talk about it a little and yoosung is like “yeah his brother is ____”  (whatever his username is? i forget. hacker god i think?)  “he usually plays on the shooting star server “

viewers are Shocked that yoosung knows #1 on shooting star. they demand to have him as a guest star

it’s... debatable whether saeyoung agrees to it or not?? he has to lay low and stuff.. either way, they tell saeyoung about it and he’s so amused omfg. he watches yoosung and saeran’s streams sometimes (and is so proud of his bro. he cries probably) but not super often? when he does watch, he also uses a random throwaway name

but after the chat asks for him, he logs in once or twice w/ his LOLOL screen name and people are all over omfg. chat goes wild and saeyoung is Living for the attention omg

saeran is like “you’re so dumb god i hate you”

and saeyoung’s like. “ok but are you actually planning on coming home some time soon??? tomorrow maybe? becaaauuuuuse..... i miss you”

it’s cheesy and lame and Embarrassing. saeran’s just.. “GO AWAY asshole im doing a thing....................................... also, yes. please order pizza for dinner”

yoosung thinks its funny n cute and so do the viewers.

●  and ok even if... saeyoung is never a guest star, they probably bring like. mc or zen on once or twice and it’s great. a lot of viewers recognize zen (i imagine he’s a bit more famous at this point) and they are... so excited and surprised that he’s friends w/ yoosung and saeran.

i can’t really see jaehee or jumin on the show but like..........

..... the idea of them tricking jumin into trying to play a video game on the stream is so fucking funny to me????

like Somehow they manage to convince him to come over?? idk maybe by asking him to  ”help them work on a big project that’s essential to yoosung’s career” or smth “that requires nothing less than jumin han’s skill and expertise”  and because he’s a good friend he agrees. then they just. put a controller in his hand and he’s like “what am i supposed to do with this”

and ok jumin has probably owned a gaming console at some point but i honestly, truly can’t bring myself to believe that he uses it for anything other than like.....netflix

so he has no fucking experience and it’s. so good. yoosung and saeran are trying really hard not to laugh (and yoosung is failing)

idk what they make him play specifically but for some reason wii sports is flashing through my mind holy shit..... but actually its probably LOLOL or fallout 4 or something. idk. either way, he’s bad at it and they struggle to teach him how to even hold the controller properly

●  saeran likely moves in some time after they’ve started the channel where both of them play games together. which happened pretty far into the relationship anyways i think?

and even then it happens quite a while after they start the channel. maybe when it’s been going for a year or something? maybe two??

(i have no idea???? idk how long these kinds of channels stay big??? i only watch like... fairly well known youtubers like game grumps that have been around for a long time. and mcleroy stuff on polygon idk.)

anyways

how they decide to move in is basically like... ok.

i imagine they probably get questions about their relationship a lot when they come out as a couple or when new viewers first find out about them. the flow of questions dies down after the initial reveal that they’re together but they still pop up every now and then

sometimes the questions get slightly intrusive like asking about their plans for the future which they kinda just ignore those until it becomes a really frequently asked question so they Have to answer it.. so they just say they don’t feel comfortable talking about it for the time being (because tbh they dont know lol)

and so...

probably a specific question that people ask A LOT (and have since saeran’s early appearances)  is if saeran lives with yoosung, or if he’s planning to.

because he’s at yoosung’s place so often. he has been since the channel’s early days, and they post videos and stream together fairly regularly, i guess?

there’s obviously more content of just yoosung doing his thing because it is his channel after all but content featuring saeran is definitely a frequent thing (even when it’s not their duo let’s play channel or whatever... saeran can still be seen in the background in a fair amount of yoosung’s usual LOLOL streams, too. )

so uh

at some point they’re just hanging out.. (off stream, not on video or anything. just them together.. like a date night or just to spend some time together. i dunno)

maybe cuddlin’ in bed or on the couch watching a movie, having a nice time. there’s comfortable silence

and yoosung never really gave it a lot of thought before, but lately... he and saeran are just really close and their relationship is so GOOD and he loves him a lot. he’s thinking over all this stuff and how often people ask if they live together and...

i mean, he thought about it on his own before he really took the viewers’ questions seriously.... them bringing it up isn’t what sparked it necessarily. 

he considered the possibility before, but he was always scared that bringing up moving in together would be too forward or pushy, and that saeran wasn’t ready for it, and that they would be rushing into things--going too fast. yeah. 

he got that ball rollin’ and was trying to take it slow but recently, everyone bringing the idea up jsut. fuckin. kicks that ball. so hard. it’s going full fuckin throttle. max speed. it’s out of control and he can’t stop it

and so in this... really comfortable quiet moment he just kinda blurts out

“why haven’t we moved in together yet?”

saeran is surprised obviously. he wasn’t expecting that at all

he has briefly entertained the idea of living with yoosung before, because he’s over so often anyways, and he wants to spend even more time together.... but he’s also scared for various reasons? 

such as his mental health issues, obviously. he’s also anxious that yoosung will get sick of him, or that he won’t be able to handle being around yoosung 24/7 and vice versa. he doesn’t want to get so easily annoyed and snappy like he does at home with saeyoung? he also doesn’t want to rush into things. idk. there’s a lot more reasons but those are some of them.

so when yoosung says this, he has no idea how to react??? so he just kinda mumbles “oh... uh.......”

yoosung panics like

 “god, im sorry, that was so stupid. um. it’s just... been on my mind a lot lately, i guess..? god! ah... forget about that! it was dumb...”  

he covers his eyes and kinda... hunches over. all embarrased and nervous and a little guilty because he doesn’t want to make saeran uncomfortable. he can’t even look at him. poor boy omg

saeran stays quiet for a long time, furrows his brows and chews the nail of his thumb and looks like he’s concentrating on something. after a while he pipes up, so quietly that yoosung can barely hear him

“i don’t think it’s dumb”

yoosung is. shocked. but also immediately hopeful! he perks up!!! looks at his bf incredulously like “you don’t?” 

saeran kinda... talks slowly bc he’s thinking hard about his words and says that he didn’t expect yoosung to bring it up really but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before

so they have an Important, Serious conversation about it and they both make sure that the other is %100 on board with it and ready to just. jump in and do it.

celebratory smooches ensue because they’re cute and happy and excited.

... i forget if yoosung’s place is a dorm or not. if it is, he gets his own apartment.

if it’s not, he stays in his apartment and saeran moves in there.

it’s small and kinda cramped and very far from a “forever home” but they make it work for now!! they’re happy that way... (maybe in the future they get a bigger place, which is nice because it makes it easier for saeran to have some privacy when he needs time alone.)

●  yoosung definitely takes short little videos or vlogs all the time and posts them on youtube and other social media

he takes one the day after they have the conversation mentioned above. and it’s just. “you guys.... i asked my boyfriend to move in and he said yes!! god, i was so scared! tell them how scared i was, saeran!” he points the camera at saeran who is reading a book and he just. 

idk he either just flips off the camera bc he’s busy and doesn’t want to be disturbed...

or

he looks it right at the lens and says “he was scared shitless. he literally shit his pants. it was gross. i had to h---” 

cue video going blurry as yoosung turns the camera away real quick paired with. shocked, loud shrieking. “SAERAN!!! DON’T SAY----” and then the video jsut kinda. cuts off there. 

(he still posts it but with some caption along the lines of “that didn’t actually happen. saeran’s just being a dick”)

and of course, there’s definitely multiple videos of the day they move saeran’s stuff in. yoosung records a bunch and puts them on his snapchat story or w/e... other social media too, so they can look back on them later... 

just cute little clips, like one of saeran’s room with all his stuff in boxes..... one of saeyoung and saeran (and maybe mc) loading stuff up into the car.... one of them putting the boxes in yoosung’s apartment....  a dumb one of saeyoung goofin’ off at yoosung’s place and mc doting on him..

one of saeyoung giving his brother the biggest bear hug ever. just. completely squeezing the life out of him and dramatically pretending to be all emotional (even tho he really is genuinely emotional inside omg) and saeran being annoyed and trying to push him away “god, let me go! you’re suffocating me!”

one where... they’re bringing in the last box.

and finally like. one w/ yoosung turning around to show his whole apartment, boxes everywhere, some of them already half unpacked. “phew... finally finished! the hardest part, anyway”

it’s cute.

●  the little videos are probably a thing that happens every now and then, even after that... he probably snapchats a lot of things in general bbbut a lot of the time it’s just. dumb, random videos of saeran.

some of them are stuff like:

 a close-up of both of them, taken with yoosung’s phone where they’re like “streaming in fifteen! we’re gonna play ____ today.” .... real cute stuff.

or just. shitty phone videos yoosung takes of saeran where like… yoosung says something really sappy joke or pickup line? idk. something really cheesy and terrible and wants to film saeran’s reaction.  and saeran looks over and his expression is just. dead inside. the camera zooms in real close on his face and he whispers “………………. im so sick of this Shi–”  the video cuts off there

probably lots of them chillin and having fun with the whole rfa crew

and. maybe one where the two of them are hanging out with saeyoung and mc and other pals and.. idk. one of them says something funny and they’re all laughing but yoosung zooms in on saeran who just.........ok i imagine that sometimes his more subdued laughs come out as like?? this huffy, kinda wheezy little giggle. he covers his mouth w his hand. and the video captures that. when yoosung posts it, ppl Freak out about it because it’s so uncharacteristically adorable...

there’s videos of them going on trips or just new places in general... going for hikes and exploring maybe.. idk. lots of cute stuff.

saeran takes one of yoosung when they’re at the spca?? or some place like that. idk (i dont like pet stores but maybe a pet store).. and.. yoosung just has his hands and face pressed to a glass partition/window/whatever that has a puppy behind it. maybe multiple puppies. and yoosung turns around w/ the Most desperate, pleading expression anyone has ever seen. (saeran knows he has to say no but it’s so hard omfg)

and obviously there’s lots of little clips of video game stuff. teasers of the game content itself or their playthroughs. maybe a video of one of them sitting on the couch or a computer chair playing a game and getting angry lol.... (or saeran getting frustrated w/ a handheld game that’s supposed to be really calm like... animal crossing. idk sorry i just love the idea of saeran having a 3ds and playing chill games like that to help him relax when he’s anxious omg)

.... there’s also lil videos yoosung takes but he decides that they are private, for his eyes only... little moments like one where they’re getting ready to stream and saeran’s adjusting one of the microphones 

and yoosung quietly says hey to get his attention, and saeran looks over and smiles real big and genuine w/ lots of love and tells him to “Stop goofing around. C’mon, put your phone down and help me finish setting up.” and it’s. sweet and happy and cute... yeah.

.

BUT uh...

yeah!

that’s all for now !!

[anxietyfuckingsucks-blog1]

Mod Sun

mod is a short form of modern and sun is always bright and brilliant but deady if too close

what does this say about his being and who he aspires to be? whatever and whoever this is, is positive and filled with glowing intentions

modern sun. a being who is young and in the current moment..lets face it were always young and time is nonexistent to me--still debating it though bc is anything ever truly nonexistent? anyway, i see an old soul and old friend through this. i am a child of everything. i find myself in everyone and find everyone in myself.

although i lean towards helping people in negative situations, my favorite are those who conquer and turn hardships into productivity. even people who have not had the same hardships as myself, or maybe less in general, and always remain so upbeat BLOW me out of the water. I aspire to be like them in that sense. through this ive made friends of all kinds.. one was a boy in high school who i became rather close with. I was an “outcast” and he played all sports possible which he somehow always succeeded in. He was widely known and was known usually for coming across as an asshole, and oh man, sometimes, he really was. We clashed heads and opinions lots, but our good times outweighed any disagreement by a landslide.

i remember the first time i saw him. i had my usual resting bitch face on and he looked at me, and i glared at him. he smiled and laughed and said “cheer up, buttercup!” and i responded with “dont tell me what to do”

he looked at me a little weird but throughout time we had classes together and passed each other in the hallways. he always took the time to say hello in an excited and energetic manner. 

it threw me off, but i was curious. i sat with him one day in class and complimented something that i cannot remember. friendship was not immediate, but hugs started becoming a once in a while thing, and by the time i hit senior year, they were daily. 

senior year gym class we had all year together. one day he forgot his clothes and i was like MAAAN WHAT THE FUCK WHO AM I GONNA TALK TO? um the answer was other people because i enjoyed everyone but he was my fave along with a girl from another class of mine

he didn’t react right away and shrugged and walked away. this was SO not like him so i gave him space, told him i was here when he was ready, and would observe him silently. being a wallflower is beautiful.

the next day we saw each other in gym and i offered a hug. i told him that one of the things i appreciated most about him was his energy and that although i understood he couldnt always have it, i missed it. he smiled and sighed and we sat down on a bench and was like “can i talk to you?” my face must have lit up and i was like “yes but quick run into the locker room and change back into normal clothes before the doors lock.” he was like uh, okay, but why? that kills your grade and youre a fucking bitch about getting grades

i laughed so hard and was like “because silly, if were gonna talk were gonna do it right. ill sacrifice my grade for you to feel like someone has their full attention on you.”

we both bolted and came back out. it was the first time we had more than 30 mins max to talk and have a full convo. through that convo, i realized he didnt have as much as i had preconceived him to. i realized that he hurt, his life wasn’t perfect. although he was talented he felt lonely and felt as if no one understood him. we spent our time sitting side by side outside and looking around, and planned a day together at our school’s ropes course. 

a few weeks later he “forgot” his clothes and asked me to “forget” mine. we went up to the ropes course that day with the class, but sat aside to talk. we laughed so hard we were in tears, everyone was looking at us oddly but we had not a care in the world.

later on we would revist that course together and jumped around and moved through it. i was not as agile as he, but i admired how he could do these things almost effortlessly...even though the course creaked and squeaked and felt like it could be a death trap. i also admired how he laughed at my failure and made rude jokes but would immediately come over to pick me up off the ground and then say “watch me” ..through trial and error i became slightly better and enjoyed that i was doing it more. i was less embarassed, more willing to do it without hesitation.

through this we bonded mentally and physically. i trusted him more. id let him pick me up during hugs which i NEVER did. we gave each other piggy back rides randomly because we felt like it. the image is funny..a “scene” kid with a face that was mainly stone and intimidating at first...on the back of a jock. i was always smiling in some way. whether he was running to give me a scare and i was screaming at him, or whether we did it with leisure, we were always smiling. sometimes hed carry me or my books while telling me about his life and deciding on whether or not he just wanted me to listen or offer advice as well.

we were always a funny image. two seemingly opposites who always found a way to attract. he started borrowing things from me, band shirts, brass knuckle necklaces. he told me how pretty i looked in more feminine clothes. we both loved who were were at heart, but enjoyed seeing the other one take on something more similar to the other person, even if it wasnt comfortable at first. 

we had an affectionate friendship, but at the same time, always kept our distances. we had interests in each other that allowed us to be fascinated with each other together and apart. we never went beyond a hug for three years i believe. i went my way, he went his. but if we came back in sight, we acknowledged each other. we talked outside of school here and there, but rarely ever hung out. 

through a gym conversation with him, he told me that sometimes he would go home and look up words in the dictionary to try to learn them so that he could come in to school and impress me. he told me that he felt intimidated by the flow of my words even though they always had a way to do whatever i wanted them to. he said i made him feel dumb. WHYYY the fuuuuck would he feel like this? just because i was a decent student didn’t mean that I couldnt enjoy someone who didn’t excell as much in something as i did. I brought my hands over my face and said through them something along the lines of “duuuude what the FUCK” and i removed my hands and said “i am so sorry, that is never my intention. you did not have to do that bc i love you for who you are and who you truly aspire to be” 

that was the first time i said i loved him where i could feel it. worlds collided and somehow meshed together. i realized that even intelligence and stupidity could find common grounds. and through that, he has taught me much. i am forever grateful for him and will carry him in life with me. 

of course he picked up on “i love you” and my immediate face of realization and shock afterwards. he smiled and questioned it as if he needed the extra reassurance. i made a face and he said “cheer up buttercup” i smiled, he hugged me, and we split our ways to enjoy our other friends in the class. 

although we both thought we were attractive, we did not go beyond that for three years. sometimes hed smack my ass but id turn right around and hit him back. cant tell you how many times in sports he would do something a little harder than i could handle. sometimes things would fly at me and hit me and hurt so bad that id turn around and immediately be red. this happened so often that I would drop whatever i was doing and walk at him and jump at him. id bring him to the ground sometimes. although i never seriously hurt this person physically, I learned how to approach him in a way that he understood not to fuck with me. and i knew that his intentions were never bad. the tennis balls that hit me so hard it left bruises, to the little things hed throw at me to get my attention, we grew. i took a class with him and another boy one time. this other boy spiked a volleyball to the head so hard that it knocked my friend out. i was red in the face immediately but held back my anger because my mothering instincts kicked in full swing. i helped him up, took him to the nurse, and talked to him after he had time to rest. a few days later, that same boy did the same thing to me. but it was different this time. it hit my face so hard (i was turned to the side and not paying attention, so my b i guess) that the whole class turned to look. i was extremely anxious with the attention on me. plus it looked like i was crying but really i was just trying to rub the sting off my face lol. but the boy did something he didnt do to my friend the other day, he laughed. my friend was immediately like man WHAT the fuck come on. he came to my side but by that time it was too late. the girl who was mainly quiet and to herself...5′2 walked up to one of the tallest and well known guys of our graduating class...and she let loose. I had a method in my anger, and when he laughed it off, i walked away. my words were out. what was said was over and done. what he took of it was on him and i knew i did what i could. much to my surprise that night the boy messaged me over facebook and apologized to me. he said he reflected on what i said. the next day in gym i approached him calmly with a small smile and told him that i appreaciated his words and that as long as he was not rude, we had no beef between us. he dated people i knew. i dated people he knew. we dated strangers to one or both of us. but we were always super protective over each other. what hurt him, hurt me. what hurt me, hurt him. 

i will never forget our first kiss and how incredibly awkward it was for both of us. it was worth the shot, but we felt nothing that lit a romantic fire. we trialed it twice, but acknowledged it didn’t come naturally to us. and that was okay. if it was meant to be, it would be. 

i will never forget graduation. i dressed up and looked very feminine. but at the same time, i was in all black and carried my unique style with me as well. we bumped into each other and both looked up and down. i realized how manly he looked and how proud i was of him and how excited i was to hear of his future trials, tribulations, and triumphs. we wished each other well on our way, and that was the last time i saw him until a year later.

a year after graduation we got into a convo. we talked about everything and planned a visit although he moved further away. one night he came to me crying and told me that he missed me so much and felt so lost again. told me that he missed high school because the highlight of his day was always seeing me. i could get him like no other no matter what without a single pass of judgement. that i was the only person he could think of that could do that.

although this is quite a compliment, i took it humbly. he was hysterical, it was late and my car wasn’t great. i asked for his address and told him to expect me within an hour and a half. i told my parents i was going to a girlfriend’s house and left.

When i pulled up to his place he was sitting in the rain on a rail outside. as soon as he saw my headlights he walked over and pulled me out of the car and hugged me and swallowed hard and deep and sighed. of course, we let go and he snapped at me BITCH YOUVE BEEN GONE FOR TOO LONG...now lemme help you park your car its tricky here.

We went inside, he gave me a tour. We talked with his mom and brother and then went out back to sit on the porch. We caught up little by little, but talked mainly about what bothered us most. We smoked a little weed, made some food, went inside, i helped him clean, i watched him play videogames bc hes a huge nerd but its cute when someone is passionate about something that does no harm, so whatever. but as i started drifting off, he told me that i could take the bed and that he wasn’t sleeping for quite some time. the last thing i remember before falling asleep was warm lips on my forehead and the feel of a fan on me since he had no ac and the humidity and heat made us uncomfortable. 

i woke up that morning to make the drive home so i wouldnt be home too late. when i opened my eyes i realized he was passing out next to me and had put up a pillow wall between us and grabbed extra blankets so we could each have our own just in case. he looked over and i had a look on my face that he knew well. he chuckled and said “the truth? i wanted to be close to you without weirding you out or making you uncomfortable. i kept an eye on you while you slept. sometimes you shivered, so i grabbed blankets. sometimes you made a troubled face so id put my hand back and reach for your arm...ALSO WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET AN ARM TATT?!” 

I got up and told him to get comfortable but told him we could talk later, but that I was going to stay with him until he fell asleep. I changed my clothes, went to the bathroom, but always peeked back in. it wasn’t long before he was asleep. i wish i would have said something like “see you later, friend” instead of “bye”

he sleepily told me to text him when i got home so he knew i was safe. and like that, he was out.

we did talk later. but that was the last time that we had a hangout without troubles or worries...with our phones aside, where we were more free and less shackled. its been months. i miss my friend, but i will carry him with me forever. i trust in the fact that what will be, will be. i can miss him but acknowledge now is not the moment to be close. so i often follow thoughts such as “i miss my friend” with thoughts that are confident and true..such as “but he is strong and we have a bond that is unlike any other, we will come around” i say we because relationships are group efforts as much as your own. i believe that everything should aim to be 50/50. we will come around. we both have things in our life that made this moment less possible currently. but we will grow. we will learn. and one day, we will reconnect again in some way, shape, or form.

it was while listening to a mod sun playlist where i realized i could relate a song to several situations, and several situations to EVERY song. thank you my dear!:)

howlin at the moon thoughts

did it again last night, turned into an animal, wolf howl

it is my belief that animals and humans are much more connected than we currently understand as populations in whole

the wolf howl interested me because my spirit animal is a wolf and i have always found myself having qualities of my wolf, but also qualities about myself. A wolf represented me, but wasnt me?

animalistic behavior