#dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm

[astrxealis]

really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.

[sirhamburrger]

"and as you lead my mind astray, could it mean something or am i lost in the view?" || wc: 831 || warnings: none, pure fluff || borders by @cafekitsune

it always smells of coffee beans and faintly of rain, the kind of scent that wraps itself around you like a warm hug. you sit by the window, flipping through the books you bring along. it’s peaceful here, no doubt about that. but the same thing has your attention drifting from the pages day after day, and it's certainly not the quiet ambience of the surroundings.

it’s him.

you know his name is keiji akaashi, as you've gleaned it from his employee name tag. you also know a concerning amount of useless information about him - the result of your friend suna applying his scarily good online stalking skills. currently akaashi’s hands work with precision, making one drink after another with expert ease. he stands behind the counter, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, dark hair slightly tousled.

you’ve been coming here for weeks now. (not just for the good coffee, of course, because you have eyes.) but each visit brings the same result and ultimately, the same disappointment. he greets you with a polite smile, the one he gives each customer, notes your order, and hands it over with a simple “enjoy.” nothing more, nothing less. 

today, somehow, something feels different. 

you feel eyes on you when you step in, and you jolt - the barista is looking right at you. the really cute, really nice barista who hasn't so much as glanced at you a second more than he's had to - is looking right at you.

you swear you feel your heart skip a beat.

“good morning.” his voice is low, not the kind that rumbles in your chest, but something warm and smooth like the coffee he makes on the daily. he has his polite smile on, but that seems different too. like it's got more warmth to it than usual.

wait, how long have you been staring at him like a total idiot?

“uhm-” your breath hitches in your throat, his gunmetal blue eyes locked with yours. “just the usual, please, thanks.”

“actually-” 

you freeze in place, staring wide-eyed at the man.

“would you like to try something a little different today?”

“can i trust you to make it good?” you find yourself saying jokingly. and immediately regretting it.

akaashi seems to think it's cute, however, and simply smiles. 

“i'll do my best, sweetheart. it'll be ready in a minute.”

you're positively sure you're as red as a tomato now, but to your surprise, so is he.

he fiddles with a intimidating machine you wouldn't dare touch, before pouring shot glasses of mystery syrups into your cup.

“saw you started reading no longer human by osamu dazai.”

your eyes widen. “you've read it? is it any good?”

“they don't call him a master for nothing.”

you're surprised - and flattered - he noticed at all.

“experiment much?” you call out to him.

he nods. “boss says if i get a customer's approval on an experiment, i can get it on the menu,” he explains over the hum of the machines.

“and then you get a shot at a promotion?”

“yeah, i get a rank-up from ‘coffee wizard’,” he chuckles, and you only laugh at his words. “no, that's my actual job title. ‘coffee wizard’.”

“well,” you say slowly, “for what it's worth, i think you're a real coffee wizard. you do know how to make my usual just right.”

“that so?” his eyes crinkle at the corners. “here, taste.”

he leans forward, bracing himself on the counter as you tentatively bring the cup to your lips. watches you sip, swirl it in your mouth, swallow.

“so, how is it?”

you turn, and you're beaming at him.

“giving coffee bean a run for their money with this one, huh?”

“that's not a compliment, they're not even that good,” he mumbles, but you see the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“well…”

you swipe your tongue over your bottom lip in what you hope is an enticing gesture, noting how his eyes widen slightly. 

really, when have you ever gone after what you want?

“i think that this has got to be on the menu.”

“thanks.” he's grinning fully now, wiping down his equipment. “you still want your usual?”

take your chance.

“no thanks,” you reply, trying not to stammer. “but i'd like your number, if that's okay?”

he seems to freeze, washcloth wrapped around his knuckles, and you fear you've broken him, or worse, creeped him out -

“sorry, am i being too forward?”

“oh, uh - not at all.” akaashi meets your eyes, and gone is the polite smile from days past. this is a genuine smile, and it makes you wonder if maybe this whole thing was his doing. his way of trying to say -

“i'm off in-” he checks his watch- “twenty minutes or so, and then we can get lunch together? if you don't mind waiting, that is-”

“of course not, coffee wizard.” you gingerly pick your cup up, cocking your head towards a window seat. “i can wait.”

a/n: sorry keiji babygirl daddy’s got motivation back from war now

haikyuu masterlist || general masterlist

© sirhamburrger 2024

[wildflowerteas]

hello, i’m back again with something to add:

i recently finished reading “No Longer Human”, and may i say, i didn’t realize how accurate you made dazai in “When I Awake”. i recall you said in your endnotes, at one point or another, that dazai was heavily based off of the author’s semi-autobiographical accounts in “No Longer Human”. you did a phenomenal job, and i feel as though i’ve unlocked a new depth to your story.

i think what struck me the most is everything surrounding dazai when he was alive; his family reminds of yozo’s family; his life in the city, staying with prostitutes (never more than once), day drinking, doing drugs, unsure of what to do with his money, is extremely reminiscent, and almost to a T of yozo’s recounts; his suicide attempt being the one that yozo constantly considered (hanging); finally, and i find this the most intriguing, is a line yozo says in his internal monologue that you, essentially, modernized: "As long as I can make them laugh, it doesn't matter how, I'll be all right. If I succeed in that, the human beings probably won't mind it too much if I remain outside their lives. The one thing I must avoid is becoming offensive in their eyes: I shall be nothing, the wind, the sky." and your quote: “I had lived a certain, carefully constructed way while I was gone. You never noticed. I'm not sure anyone ever did. I kept my presence small, never burdening anyone with serious matters. If I kept myself within arm's reach and offered them laughter and a place to rest their heart, then they would never pry further. Secretly, I hoped they would.”

once again, you’re writing has impressed me nearly beyond words. i always think about this fic. and i WILL. i WILL get to the second perspective eventually, even if it takes me a year after you’ve completed it

tootles!

GAHHHHHH OH MY GOD. i was inspired a LOT by yozo. i'm so glad you enjoyed NLH. i hold that book so close to my heart.

don't worry about starting tsp ever <3 i'm so glad wia is on your mind it's so heartening to hear it's stuck with you after almost a year now! time really flies . . .

[zealoussy]

2023 Midyear Freakout Book Tag

It is time to look back to all of the books I've read for the past 6 months (!!!). I just want to do this for myself but anyone who wants to join, consider yourself tagged!

Best book you've read so far in 2023. This is a difficult one because I have never been not indecisive all my life. But. I think I will settle with No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai. I love how Dazai slowly working through Oba Yozo's mental deterioration. Obviously he's not likeable, but you'll be able to empathize with him from following the turbulence that is his mind. This book is the best way to show people the "ugly" side of mental illness. People need to realize that mental illness isn't only about the most instragammable things you can do, but it is also being the worst version of yourself. Other than that, how the narrative makes its way to connect to the title is cleverly done. It feels so seamless.

Best sequel you've read so far in 2023. I'm not a series reader, tbh. So I will go with The Sandman Vol. 5: A Game of You by Neil Gaiman. Although not my favorite of the series, I did enjoy reading that. In this volume, we meet Barbie! Turns out she's a princess some lifetime ago?? It's really interesting and surprisingly poignant.

Favourite re-read. Easy question, it's White Nights by Fyodor Dostoevsky. How is it still heartbreaking, even though I know what comes next in the story? That's Dostoevsky's specialty, I think. Making stories that's so painful no matter how much you reread it, it still gives you pain.

Genre you've been loving/reading the most. I've been having a lot of fun reading graphic novels this year so far! Reading graphic novels is the most magical form of experiencing work of literature. For fantasy especially, it feels like I forget I ever existed on Earth when reading them. Most of them are fast-paced and medium-paced so I'd recommend anyone to pick any title up if you want to read when waiting something, or not in the mood to digest books slowly.

New release you haven't read yet, but want to. Monstrilio by Gerardo Sámano Córdova. It just came out last month so I still have a lot of time to read it. The summary sounds intriguing and I've seen a few of my book-ish friends wanting to read it too. Hopefully I can read that before the year ends!

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year. I don't have one, honestly. I'm not the type of person that follows news release that much, so yeah that's my answer.

Biggest disappointment. The Stranger - Albert Camus. I was so excited for this book. I have been saving that title since last year. Thank god I didn't buy the physical copy. Like, I get the book. But its' SO boring. I don't enjoy it.

Biggest surprise. Everyone in this Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin. Oh, this is an interesting one. Because I started this book last year impulsively, but then it was kinda rotting in my piles of CRs. But one day I decided, you know what, let's finished this book. And I was surprised that I like it. I even teared up a little at the end. I never thought it will be a profound book that shines light to what religious trauma can do to a person. The story is told in ironic and darkly humorous way, which is very funny if you're mentally ill. Yet it's also crushing, how the main character describe her despair. Such a marvelous read.

Favorite new author (debut/new to you). Oliver Jeffers. He's an author, illustrator for picture book fiction. Last year I read The Heart and The Bottle, which absolutely broke me to pieces, and this week I read What We'll Build and it makes me want to cry a river. So I'll definitely check out his other books.

Newest Favorite Character. Oh, God. I have two answer to this but I think I'll pick Jean-Baptiste Grenouille from Das Parfum for this one. Reason? Because he's a sopping wet little meow meow.

Book that made you cry. Uhh I don't know how it happened, but it's The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger got me sobbing???? The last part of the book, yeah. Just. I don't know. I'm just so fond of Holden Caulfield, I want to give him a hug, the best hug, making him soup if he's sick, staying all night if he want to talk, like I want to protect him at all cost.

Books that made you happy. My Beijing: Four Stories of Everyday Wonders by Nie Jun. It's free time travel to my childhood and free therapy. I need that child-like wonders and excitement dose if I want to survive this year.

Most beautiful book you've bought so far this year. Most of my reads are digital, but I'll mention Mamo by Sas Milledge as one of the most beautiful book I've read this year so far. The art style is so breathtaking. It added the whimsical story line even more alive.

What books do you need to read by the end of the year? So much books, so little time. I'll be happy with myself if I can manage to read any of Toni Morrison's books. I've been wanting to read her books but I'm just kinda intimidated lol.

[pompompurin1028]

Hi Kat! How about 3, 4, 11, and 15 for the ask game? <3

Thanks for the ask Coff! Sorry about the delay

3 things ask game

3. 3 songs that mean something to you

Music of the Night from The Phantom of the Opera

Pale Blue by Kenshi Yonezu

For Good from Wicked

4. 3 topics you’d love to learn more about

1. Art History

My friend took it and he had me help them proofread their essays and just hang out with each other, and the topics seem so interesting, it's not something I'm familiar with but I would love to learn more about it

2. Psychology

Behavioral psychology seem like an interesting thing to understand

3. Chinese literature

I am Chinese after all, and though I have studied some passages in and throughout school, I actually hated it, I felt that it was too difficult (and still do) since most texts are written in old Chinese which is so difficult to understand because a lot of times words with two characters are shortened to one character which makes them almost incomprehensible and you have to guess, and characters could have a very different meaning from what they mean now too and texts hadn't begun to be written in vernacular Chinese until the 20th century so the majority of the texts we studied are such, we also had to be forced to memorize all the passages and also had reading comprehension on unseen old passages which makes it even harder. But as I grew older, didn't have to study them for school anymore, and think back on the passages the more interested I got, things I didn't grasp and thought was quite absurd in the past had me intrigued, quite a bit of Chinese texts of the past at least the ones we learnt intertwine philosophy and literature as well. With the internet there are usually translations, maybe it'll make it easier to pursue them once again, just not in an academic setting

11. 3 books that you would recommend everyone to read

Once again I'll just be adding some books I enjoyed or found interesting, not in any particular order

1. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

I read this last week and actually really enjoyed it a lot more than I imagined. It just gives you a moment to reflect on alienation (is work/school alienating you from your loved ones? your passion? you hobbies? society?), it also makes you think about what is humanity?

2. The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami

I found it an extremely interesting reading experience and I still think about it sometimes. There's this short of feeling like I hadn't grasped everything there is to this book. Is it about the dangers of the pursuit for knowledge? Or the effects of the loss of innocence from gaining knowledge? Was it just a dream, or a nightmare? Also it can be described to be Kafka-esque, so mentioning Kafka before this, this book came to mind. It's a very short novella (best read together with visuals) with a bit of horror elements, and my first step into Haruki Murakami's work as well.

3. Otogizoshi: The Fairy Tale Book of Dazai Osamu by Dazai Osamu

I did read this in my Chinese so the translations may differ in meaning, but I actually really enjoyed these stories, and when I read them I couldn't help but read through them in a couple days. It's basically four of Dazai's rendition of traditional Japanese fairytales, and I just found them so interesting to read! In his works, Dazai tends to add his own thoughts or feelings to his works and this is no different, if you've read No Longer Human, it's a bit different from it, although I too really enjoyed NLH, and at times you too can see some melochonic aspects you see in it, parts of it almost feels ironic, some are genuine and show the kindness in his literature. My favorites were The Stolen Wen and Urashima-san!

15. 3 quotes that have a special place in your life

1. 「請你更積極地愛這個俗世，恨這個俗世，一生都沈浸享受其中吧」 from Dazai Osamu's Blue Bamboo

It means "please actively love this world, hate this world, immerse yourself in it all your life" the actively sounds a bit weird but it makes more sense in Chinese😅. Although there is an English translation for this short story but it says "You must become even more attached to the world, and spend you life immersed in the hardships it presents you with", I just found myself liking the Chinese translation better

2. "You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain." - Tom Hiddleston

This was a quote I loved when I was younger

3. "How we ought to live? No one can say. All we have is the right to waver, like stray dogs that have hit rock bottom" from BSD