#dazai sngst to fluff x reader

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Touch to Comfort |Dazai x reader|

Touch to comfort. |Dazai x traumatized reader|

Warnings- implied past abuse (not from dazai).

The moon shimmered through the open curtains. It was rare to have a night like this. Normally the night was consumed with lonely sleep. One of you, always away. Whether it be on investigations or running from something, one of you was usually missing. On the rare nights where the two of you were alone in the small apartment, you held your bodies close. His slender, delicate hands clasped around your waist as your head pressed against his chest. His chin lightly rested against the top of your head. Sometimes you’d play a movie, or just listen to music. Others, you stayed still basking in the other's attention. It was rare for either of you to leave the attention of the other.

Today was one of the few days the two of you were home together. He seemed frustrated and pissed. His face showed nothing but the way he carried himself, reminded you of the Dazai you did not miss. You had heard the news, and were in fact not expecting your boyfriend to be home tonight. Considering everything the agency was going through. The demon, known as Fyodor, was causing quite the commotion and trouble for Dazai. They most likely rival each other's intelligence, this could explain the sour mood Dazai walked in with. His fingers roughly shoved off his shoes. His eyes not once paying mind to you. He whispered no welcomes, gave you no attention.

It made you slightly insecure. Whenever he was home he would race to see you, to bask in your attention. It had been nearly a month since you two had alone time. Due to the dangers of his work, it had been just as long without seeing one another. He was afraid of what Fyodor would do if he found out about your relationship. None of his other enemies scared him that way. He’d never known this frustration or fear before. You could tell he wasn’t in a mood to talk. His shoulders shrugged the coat off, letting it fall to the floor. Sighing you picked it up and placed it on the hook. Normally you'd scold him for the mess he left you to deal with. Tonight you let it be, afraid of upsetting him. His past self had always terrified you. You accepted it, but before this relationship had started there had been one single warning, one condition.

He was never to act like a mafioso in front of you. He was never to harm you or to scream at you. You had not told him why, but he’d smiled, kissed your lips, and held his hand out to make that promise. He had assured you no matter how mad he may get with work as a detective, he would never take the frustration out on you. It had been a promise, he’d kept it so far. There were times he came close but before his voice raised he always took a sharp breath, hung his head, and apologized for almost raising his voice. Even in the rare moments you fought, he never once screamed. He may have yelled a bit, but he never made you feel threatened. Even after those arguments, he spoiled you rotten from his guilt. He truly loved you as you loved him.

Walking into the room you couldn’t help notice he was pacing around. With your soft e/c hues you walked up to him. Your hand reached to cup his cheek. A small motion to comfort him. That was all it took, the startled motion of his hand seemingly slow in time. The back of his hand hitting yours. His eyes, deprived of emotion. His mouth opening, but not to apologize and soothe your skin, or plead for you to forgive the small action. He’d never lashed out before. Had the words from his mouth been a plea for forgiveness, it would have been alright. Your vision would not have unfocused and split to shield your mind; to protect you.

You caught nothing of what he said, only that his voice was loud, loud enough to pierce through your boundaries. Loud enough to make you flinch. Loud enough to inflict a scared whimper. Loud enough for you to back up, cradle your reddening palm to your chest, and sink. Loud enough for your hands to cover your ears. He wasn’t shouting anymore, he’d stopped as soon as he realized he’d screamed. He’d spoken 3 words, not right now. He’d screamed them at you. He’d broken that promise to you.

His mind was quick to clear as he took in how you looked. Defenseless and vulnerable… and he’d put you there. He’d put you into a panicking and terrified space. He’d hurt you. Naturally, he stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Your body was shaking, trembling as if you had been on the brink of life and death. “Belladonna?” he whispered but you lacked a response. Your ears are still covered by your hands.

He knelt in front of you. Reaching out, slowly his hands crept towards you. Your head flew up in seconds, body flinching away from his touch. Your eyes a haze as tears dripped down. His hands fell back to his sides as he looked away. They curled up, grasping the fabric of his pants as he blamed himself and cursed his own foolish actions. “I’m sorry.” when he heard you apologize he shot back to look into your eyes. It was as if he were looking into the water itself. Coated in such a thick fog, he doubted you were in reality anymore.

If it were possible, seeing this unworldly look in your eyes fed into his guilt. His hands once more reached yours. When you didn’t shy away, he gently moved them off your ears and held them in his. He leaned to your ear, so he could whisper as soft as his voice could. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you responded a little bit. The smallest movement of your hands. Aching to be held your body inched towards him. He released one of your hands, his now free hand, cupping your cheek as he continued to apologize.

Eventually, he brought you to a hug. Trying to soothe your breathing. It was like a switch being flipped. Your arms moved to wrap around him. You repositioned yourself before weeping into the crook of his neck. “Idiot.” you sniffled the only insult you could muster. He accepted it, no tease leaving his lips as his hand tangled in your hair.

“You’re perfect, you know that?” he whispered watching as you sniffled once more but a light chuckle left your lip. “It won’t happen again, I promise.” he wouldn’t let this kind of accident happen ever again.

You pulled back to leave a kiss' whisper on his lips. “It’s okay, it was an accident.'' Maybe you forgave too quickly, but love could do many things.

He lifted you and placed the two of you on the bed. Pulling your head to his chest, he yanked the covers over the two of you. “Let’s sleep.”

“I love you,” you whispered before letting your eyes fall closed.

“I love you more.”