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#dawg even my stuff from after my couple of 'acid' trips wasn't as confusing and cryptic as the stuff after being abused
snekdood
·
4 months
Text
so august 2018 is when my peak being-crazy-made art craziness happened, huh
#and then as soon as i left that situation all of my art became normal again lmao
#i went from drawing weird cryptic things that quite literally would only ever make sense to me
#to just. drawin landscape stuff like normal again sdhvfdvghsd
#i mean there a couple cryptic things here n there after but like. not nearly as cryptic at all. like you could p much easily make out what
#is trying to be conveyed. the other shit is like. nothing. you couldn't understand unless I had to explain everything that happened
#gotta say guys doing shrooms and being abused do not mix well at all
#bc when im not being abused and im on shrooms shit is great. im feeling lit. all i wanna do is draw nature stuff
#but that moment in my life? phew...
#vent
#i literally thought I died. like i literally thought I wasn't actually alive and I was in some mirror version of earth that was the
#underworld-- so much happened. its kind of distressing to think about all the weird fucking visions i got
#and its not even like it was always like that when I did shrooms with that person- initially in the love-bombing phase I was fine.
#all of my art from then looks pretty fuckin normal save for ig more colorful stuff and trippy patterns or whatever. but otherwise fine
#if anything it enhanced my art
#its only after the gaslighting and the putting me down and the withdrawing love shit started happening that i just like. snapped.
#idek. it was all so surprising to me because they really did convince me they loved me.
#not only all of that abuse-- also the enabling my conspiracy theory brain too which didn't help
#which ironically my art didn't have much do to with actual conspiracy theories but the mindset was implemented in to me so
#there was a lot of weird delusions and paranoia and just like. stuff that didn't make sense but also did if I explained it?? idek
#there was like a consistent story to my weird visions but it didn't make sense also. like there was no real reason for things to be what
#they were or look the way they did or whatever
#but there Was a consistent story still
#its something i *want* to encapsulate into maybe a comic or picture book or something but like. idek if i could encapsulate it all
#theres so many bits and pieces that idek if i could fully convey- idk
#dawg even my stuff from after my couple of 'acid' trips wasn't as confusing and cryptic as the stuff after being abused
#one common theme in a lot of it is its intentionally repelling. every part of my being knew I needed to be away from that person in spite
#of how they would pretend to be friendly with me so some of that art is trying to scare them away in a weird cryptic way that tbfh
#they probably didn't understand either whenever a pic was trying to do that like what it even was trying to say- thats kinda how fucking
#crazy i got from that whole situation. i think part of me felt like that at least if it was vague and unhinged that it would scare them
#away idrk. i do think it worked lol. even if it doesnt really fully make sense at all. idk. but 0/10 one of the worst periods of my life
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