#cw: implied suicidal thoughts

[pjunicornart]

Sharing the angst. And a joint.

THIS IS NOT SHIP ART, SO DO NOT TAG IT AS SUCH! FTF! Wilbur and DR! Lewis sharing a joint and experiences with their parents. This AU Wilbur is from a fanfic on fanfiction.net. It reminds me of my own teenage experience... Ah, bad memories...

Credits FtF! Wilbur -> From the fanfic "From the Future" written by microscope on fanfiction.net. DR! Lewis -> From the fanfic "Discovery-Recovery" written by me on AO3.

Inspo -> Don't You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared - A classic for edgy phases everywhere.

You never knew your mind was dark.

[chxckandmxte]

Prompts For The Heavy Hearted (Angst) || Still Accepting

@hauntedrealityelectricboogaloo​​ sent: “I like having you around.  and not because of what you can do for me or give to me—  I like you.  I value you as a person.” / Helena

So much time had passed since the C-Virus attack on Tall Oaks USA, and then Tatchi in Lanshiang China months later. Despite her still being a member of the Secret Service, Helena would join him on a mission every now and then still acting as his partner just like they were back in twenty-thirteen, it wasn’t too often, but it was nice whenever that did happen. Sitting in Colorado, at a different bar rather than the one that had been shot up with him and Chris in it, Leon was sat at a table in silence, by the window like he always preferred, enjoying himself cold glass of Captain Morgan rum on the rocks.

Leon was in deep thought like he always whenever alone at a place like this, as sad as it was, bars and pubs, were Leon’s places of comfort as of late, it had gotten so bad, to the point where the agent couldn’t even stand being in his own apartment just because he was alone, behind closed doors within the blonde’s place of residence -- he actively avoided being home, why? because he didn’t trust himself, and for some reason, at home, was where his thoughts were the loudest.

Even if he was out at a bar by himself, at least he was in a public place with other people around, he wouldn’t do anything to himself when he was in the publics eye, which was probably the only place he truly felt safe right now. When your home felt more like a prison, that how you knew, that someone really hit rock bottom, so he would use any excuse to keep himself from going home too soon, often staying out until late, and only returning home once he was ready for bed  after the booze knocked him out-- a constant and sorry routine that he was painfully used to by now, every single day, was exactly the same and he hated every minute of it.

After slamming back the rest of what was in his glass, Leon was quick to refill his glass, the square-shaped ice cubes clamoring against the rims of the cup as it began to rise with the pouring of the liquor and stopping at the top. Before he could take another swig, Leon heard a familiar voice call out to him -- it was his old partner, Helena Harper. When did she get in town? he had no idea she was in, if he’d had known she was coming, he would have fixed himself up a bit, and choose not to go deep into a bottle -- needless to say, Helena seeing him at his lowpoint, was both embarrassing, and humiliating -- there was a reason he isolated himself, to save whatever small shed of dignity he had left, he never wanted anyone close to him knowing that he was so miserable -- much to his dismay, it was already far too late for that.

[{ ☣ }] - “...Helena?! -- What are you doing here? Did Hunnigan send you to find me?”

Unfortunately, she was already here now, and as much as he wanted to, there was no way he could hide from her this time, he couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed of himself. Just what was she doing here? While a little hesitant at first, Leon let her sit with him at his table, not really sure what else to say, he was caught in the act, with no excuse to cover up his misery. After some general catching up, Helena appeared to finally get to her reason for showing up, and what came next, was unexpected, apparently, she had something important to tell him.

The words coming from her lips, caught him even more by surprise, did she really come all this way, just to tell him all this? Why? He was flabbergasted -- speechless. The DSO agent was already half-drunk, how was he supposed to deal with this? -- not that it was a bad thing of course, he was just expecting a quick check-in and then she’d be on her way, that was how it had been with the others in his life recently -- maybe he was just good at hiding his pain -- even if that were the case, there was no keeping a secret from Helena, not when the evidence of his downward spiral, was sitting right there in front of him in the form of a bottle of liquor. Not long after, he felt a warmth in his chest, a feeling that had become foreign to him due to all the drinking he’d been doing, gentle words that he’d never heard from pretty much, anyone in a very long time -- words that were very much needed. 

Blue eyes finally move up from his full glass of rum, and center on Helena, finally able to gather up all the words for his response to her, lips part momentarily, but stop out of slight hesitation, before he’s able to shake it off and finally speak. Regardless of his struggle to find the words, from the expression on his face, it was clear that he was truly grateful to hear what she had to say.

[{ ☣ }] - “...Helena. Did you...come all this way just to tell me that?” 

Kind words that gave him much needed comfort, but the question remained, was that all she had to tell him? Or was there something else she was trying to say? It was hard to tell really, if she had more to say to him, he hoped she would just get it all out now while he was still sober enough to understand and process all of this.

[{ ☣ }] - “Or is there.. more to it?” He couldn’t tell if he was just too buzzed and was getting the wrong signals, or if there was a deeper meaning to what she was saying, either way, Leon, was truly appreciative for her kind words.

[gooeseyleo]

Gooseyleo Prologue Part 8

Prev || Final

[nqueso-emergency]

Woke up to another horrible anon. Must be a day that ends in "y"

[a-j-s-the-only]

I know someone loves me

but it’s still really hard to wake up

[kittzuxp]

Twomp oneshot i wrote cuz i was feeling miserable

on Ao3

CW: denial😔, cheating, self-destuctive thoughts and suicide

Mr plant was watching the telly, well not really, he was fidgeting with his hands while he heard the faint laugh tracks playing in the background. He was almost drifting off to sleep when the front door slammed, which shook him wide awake. He titled his head to look, it was his boyfriend, Argos! He looked like he was in a hurry, sweaty and taking big shaky breaths. His eyes filled with anger.

*[what happened?] Mr plant felt a little taken aback, Argos had never acted like this.

“You tell me!” He yelled, throwing photos on his lap. Mr plant fumbled with the photos trying to take a good look at them, and was slightly disgusted by the sight.

It was a depiction of him, holding someone else’s hands and looking at them with the same passion and warmth he looked at his beloved. The person’s face was obscured but some leaves of a tree in the foreground. The setting seemed to be at midnight, a single street lamp illuminating him and the other silhouette. The photo seemed to have been taken at a higher perspective, like a window from the second floor of a house.

The other photos were about the same, but the positions were slightly different. mr plant started feeling uneasy, he had never done this with anyone, nor does he remember this happening.

Mr plant felt uneasy, he knew where this was going, he had seen enough romance shows to know what usually happens.

*[Where did you find the photo?]

“It doesn’t matter! That’s you in the pictures, right?”

*[No! I would never cheat on you.]

“Don’t lie to me! It’s definitely you!” Argos sounded tired, but also hurt. So so so hurt.

*[Where did you find this?! Who gave this to you?] He stood up, towering over Argos by a few inches, and grabbed his forearm. Argos winced and looked at Mr plant in the eyes.

“Why does that matter! It’s none of your business!” He insisted and shook his arm, making Mr plant let go of his powerful grip.

*[It IS my business if I’m the one being photographed!] Mr plant didn’t understand why Argos refused to tell him.

“I- uhm.. UGHH!! When were you planning on telling me this?!” His eyes started tearing up from frustration. Mr plant hurt to see him like this, he reached out his lanky hand to Argos’ cheek to wipe the tears. Argos’ eyes wandered on Mr plant’s face after looking away and slapping Mr plant’s hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” He muttered. Mr plant was hurt by this, but obeyed.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Argos spoke up. Mr plant didn’t have time to think, his mind didn’t have enough time to race.

“We, should break up… this relationship. If you’re going to be dishonest.” He said again, with a firm and slightly louder voice.

“…I think..” he sighed and looked at him, “Look, I think this won’t work.”

Mr plant titled his head. Surely he misheard Argos. He hummed questioningly and brought his ear closer to Argos’ mouth.

*[hmm?] Mr plant sounded again, putting his ear closer to Argos. Surely he wasn’t hearing this.

“Mr plant. I’m Breaking up with you.” He really hadn’t misheard it. His face was turned from Argos’ so neither of them could see each other’s faces. Mr plant’s grin widened, his tears flowing hot down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them, leaving an ugly smudge on his face. He turned his face, a crying Argos was there, trying to look as if his own words weren’t affecting him and holding back.

*[You’d really rather believe some photographs than me..?] Argos was quiet, his two big eyes avoiding Mr plant, his other, smaller ones were looking right at him.

———

As soon as he had come, he had left. and Mr plant was alone.

He was too alone, so alone. He sat on his couch and waited. He waited for Argos to come back from work, like he usually did.

The hours passed, Argos didn’t come. But he waited like he always did. He never moved an inch. Soon, 2 days had passed when Mr Plant realised he wasn’t going to come back, come back home. Not HIS home anyways.

What even was he without Argos? Argos was always a very distinguishable person. But all Mr plant was was a cold monster who tried to feel human emotions and failed. He didn’t have a distinct personality nor a unique trait that made him his own person.

He was just a mutated flower from a foreign void. This wasn’t meant to happen to him. Everything that had happen. He was mad at himself, he was mad at Argos but also wasn’t.

Not even once did he think to comfort himself through this. He only blamed himself, it wasn’t Argos’ fault, he only believed at what he saw.

There were too many thoughts racing in his mind, too many for him. He thought his head might explode with how much thoughts he was having. Too many, So so many...

Your fault

your fault

your fault

His hands gripped tighter against his throat. His breaths were beginning to cut short.

YOUR FAULT

YOUR FAULT

YOUR FAULT

YOUR FAULT

YOUR FAULT

YOURFAULT

YOUR-

He gripped tighter.

His vision began to grow faint and his thoughts started to drown out. His Head started to hurt in a good way, a comfortable way that didn’t hurt at all.

He gripped as tight as possible.

He was not longer breathing, gasping for air that wouldn’t reach his lungs. The only thing in his mind were the gasps and yelps. He tried to shut them up too.

After a bit his feet gave up, he fell down and closed his eyes.

“Goodbye Argos, I love you..” He knew nobody would hear that, and took his final rest.

[catsockpuppet]

depending on how tomorrow goes i might actually need to go to a mental hospital

[uzi-vents]

tw major vent under cut‼️‼️

containing s3lf h3rm, su!cidal thoughts/attempts, self hatred, depressive episodes/depressive thoughts, e3ting disorder, dissociative thoughts/ dissociation, not feeling real? dehumanization? (not sure abt the last 3 sry.

[alicetheangel]

Writing a goodbye letter is so difficult. It's an upsetting thing to read, so I want to comfort the reader with my words.I will state that it's no-ones fault but mine, and I'm just too tired to keep going. I want to be cremated, I'll put that in, too. I'll write that I know they did their best to help and that I love them.

[maepersonal]

TW SUICIDE

... a magic 8ball just told me I should kill myself and like...

now I don't want to anymore

but I just don't think there's any other option at this point

[possumsarenice]

is anyone else wondering what Sun meant by “look at the ocean one last time” like what do you mean “last time”

[crzyimp]

Chapter 9.

Reading this chapter another time, then and now, left me somber. It starts out joyful with our favorite monk's parents' meeting. His father, Guangrui, gained a blessing to go to the capital for examination and job; getting first in rank and personally being praised by the Tang Emperor. Spent 3 days on horseback going around the capital. Then we're introduced of Xuanzang's mother, Yin Wenjiao(referred to as just Lady Yin later on), who sees a handsome, smart, and high ranking official during his 3 day parade; throws down a embroidered ball at her future husband knocking off his black cap. Though I like to think she went: "YOU!" pointing at him from the tower and aimed for his head. Really making sure that this guy's dense and doesn't get a hint. Actually, does that mean she technically proposed to him? Anyways they get married, move to city for Guangrui job, and picked up his mother along the way. Even saved a golden carp and sending it back to its river! Guangrui mother gets sick and forced to stay at a rent house. A little bump in the road, but that's fine since the couple can retrieve her in the fall.

Then Liu Hong appears captivated by Lady Yin's beauty and rips the young couple future away by killing Guangrui and stealing his identity. Forcing Lady Yin to comply to his demands. They dump Gaungrui's body in the river where thanks to saving, not actually a carp, his body and soul is preserved until his is avenged by his murderers.

Lady Yin is miserable in her situation, wishing to eat Liu Hong body and sleep on his skin. But kept her dark thoughts to herself and didn't enact on them; as she was pregnant with our monk! But not happy news as Bastard Liu Hong will kill our future protag the second he gets the chance. Thanks to divine intervention and luck, Lady Yin manages to send the baby away. By writing a letter in her own blood and biting off one of his toes before sending him off on river; tied by her garment before found by a monk.

So our monk, nicked River Float, and then called Xuanzang once he turned eighteen and joined the monetary; he learned of his orgins and set off to right wrongs. He succeeded, reuniting his mother, who helped him get in contact with grandfather. Who later just destroyed Liu Hong in a brutal fashion. I strongly don't think Xuanzang was there to see that part as he was probably with his mother, who already tried to kill herself once saved. She does it again after they toss Liu Hong's heart and liver into the river, seeing her husband body floated up. Who comes back to life!

Happiness as Xuanzang's family all together again, his father joins the Emperor court, and he continues with his studies in the Way. Except for Lady Yin, who succeeds in taking her life. Bittersweet ending.

Now for my notes and theories. You cannot tell me that this boy wasn't bullied by his peers for being an orphan. He had nothing, no name, probably no friends, and put all his efforts into studying the scripture as a source of comfort or even proving his worth to be there. (I could ramble more on his upbringing and the similarites with him and Wukong's background, but that could be for another day)

Besides the luck and divine intervention(and Sha Wujing eating his past lives), another clue that Xuanzang might be special is when he cured his grandmother blindness by licking her eyelids.

Or the pain and guilt that despite everything he did failed to save his mother.

But that's enough rambling from me for now.

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

[kitakami-zorua-kin]

i - i'm so sorry - i didn't - i didn't know i'm sorry i - i should've - should've been there - i care i do i'm sorry - i didn't know - not again please i'm sorry not again i can't - i'm sos orry i should've been there i'm sorry i didn't know i would''ve been there if i knew i would've i'm so sorry i didn't know- rus? shit - rus, bud, you alright?! i - i'm sorry so sorry i didn't know not again they never should've fished me out i can't help anyone should've juhst left me in the sea- i'ms sorry i didn't know i care i do i'm so sorry i- i can't do it again i can't do the fucking kitakami trip again please i'm so sorry i'll be there next time i swear- fuck

[carlosoliveiras-wife]

chlowiwi i actually know nothing about mr. nothing. can you tell the class more about him . for science. science class

mr. ch'u himself accidentally killed someone in a martial arts tournament from a clan and as a result his master had to be. self-"put to sleep" if you catch my drift. like those were the rules. as a result, he had to flee his city 👍

also he can beat up people with the most unsuspecting of items, such as his fan or even chopsticks. in accordance to his files' stories, it says. like are you God?/j. he is capablie of weilding many talents (see his dialogue) which. incredible, little pheasant boy (he is based on a pheasant)(he is one, more or less)

hes goofy. asked [player] for an autograph of FEater. you silly little guy i love yuo

[ballercollective]

I just had the biggest epiphany ever so I'm gonna share it with you all.

The biggest reason to keep going.

No matter the size of the impact you've made..

big, small, anything in-between..

you still made an impact.

Even if you've talked to barely anyone, you've still made an impact.

You've met so many people and changed their lives.

All of your friends would be different if you had never met them.

That stranger you talked to once probably thinks about you sometimes.

That one seed you planted is probably still growing to this day.

You made an impact.

You are making an impact.

You will make an impact.

So keep going.

[thecommunalfoolboy]

Im like if an evil mad scientist wanted to kill himself