#cw: ed vent

[greenhairedfreakglobal]

if nicocado avocado can do it, so can i

[honeym00nheart]

[lovely-sk1n]

does anyone else try massaging their stomach down to make food digest quicker and slim ur stomach out? ive been doing it since i saw an episode of supersize vs superskinny where a girl did it

[svramblrdegg]

The feeling of fasting getting easier >>>

[cvtmyhearttopieces]

So jealous of the girls spending their teenage years having fun and not obsessing over their bodies

[butterfly-r1bs]

movies that are triggering to pass time

link containing movie collections:

[d1et-c0ke-nd-salt3d-1ce]

yessss ho take your multi vitamins, you cant get pretty if you die

[starvingforattention18]

Nara smith thinšpø bc wtf

[blehboyspost]

swear to god if i don’t get a flat stomach im going to kms

[greenhairedfreakglobal]

hey google, how do I get a thigh gap right now? no glue, no borax

[anastayskinni]

ED SONGS THAT AREN'T (too badly) CRINGE

*note many of these are alternative, if that's not your thing this may not be for you*

4n0rexic Beauty Queen - Kevin MccLough

Surgery - Jack Off Jill

Teen Idle - Marina

Abbey - Mitski

Brand New City - Mitski

Paper Bag - Fiona Apple

4st 7lb - Manic Street Preachers

B1ng3 And Pvrg3 - Lunachicks

An0rex1a Poster Girls - Batteries

Sk1nny Little Bitch - Hole

St4rving For Attention - The Narrative

Anor3xiс Beauty - Pulp

Bella Disorder - Better Off

[lovely-sk1n]

i’ve had such a hyper fixation these days on the way my thighs feel on me. its disgusting and it genuinely makes me feel as if there’s filth inside of me

[blushdollies]

can’t do this anymore i’m ashamed of even going out bc of the way i look

[heliopeach]

chapter 1

current weight is 124lbs

things i ate today:

banana [110]

wrap [300]

hummus, lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, fake meat

veggie straws [150]

apple sauce [70]

protein shake [150]

bit of veggie jerky [60]

bites of cereal [150]

total: ~1000 cals

I am slowly trying to ease myself back into my ed habits. before, when i started to relapse earlier this year, my hunger spiked strongly and i ended up binging so much. but, now that i am trying to figure out what masc looks like for me and also my bxxbs are getting to the point where i can feel them again, im starting to get triggered. plus, it doesn’t help that my best friend started dressing in a style similar to mine and she just looks...so skinny. so good. and i hate it. i that i hate it and its keeping me up at night, but my brain cant help itself. i finally found a style that feels comfortable for me only to see how much it looks better on a skinnier body. or. not my body.

but having ana again feels good, in a way. its like i finally have a real focus back in my life. something to think about. something to occupy me throughout the day. plus, i never deleted my old body checks from when i was 102lbs and every time i look at them, i realise how much i want to be back there again. maybe i can do it gradually this time so i don’t end up binging it all away. maybe i can shave off the weight and workout and change my diet and then just stay down around 100lbs. maybe this time it will be different. maybe i will finally go to therapy. 

one of my favourite parts of having an ed is the fantasy and scenarios you get to live in. i was window shopping online today and just kept looking at all the cute items that would look so good on me once i lose weight. i want to look thin in oversized clothes and squeeze into tight dresses. i want thin legs again and dainty wrists. i miss the feeling of my collar bones and my knees knocking against each other. i miss the praise and the envious looks. i do like food. i do. but god i want to love my body too. 

maybe tomorrow my diary entry wont be so dramatic and emotional. im trying to keep my thoughts soft and pretty so i can convince myself that i can be soft and pretty at the end of this. i want to romanticise this experience.

[c0ke-0-my-beloved]

chat we might have to move to edtwt or something bc why is literally everyone getting t worded???

[d1et-c0ke-nd-salt3d-1ce]

“good luck having your hair fall out and your period stopping”

so close! i actually have an eating disorder, and you’re naturally thin emily, making fun of peoples mental health isnt funny or cool for a trend