#cuz now i feel more worn out lmao that's how fragile i am rn

[sapphicautistic]

there is a threshold of fatigue/pain/etc past which it's extremely difficult for me to stop talking or to filter much.

at its worst i'm barely even aware of what i'm saying, or i meander in topic without realizing cuz I can't remember what we were talking about 5 seconds ago.

there is a further, even worse threshold when things are very very bad, when talking takes actual effort even w ppl i'm most comfortable with. like even typing takes effort, not just talking aloud like it's not just the physical effort it's having words at all that's taking effort.

that happens very very rarely for me.

thinking of things to say does get hard sometimes in social contexts bc i have p intense social anxiety. but usually with my very closest people, STOPPING the flow of words is harder.

when it's anxiety it's less about it being hard to talk and about being inhibited by the need to figure out the RIGHT words. change the topic to something where i'm not worried abt saying the wrong thing, and i'd once more be a faucet of words that's hard to shut off.

occasionally though, when i'm really feeling bad physically, the problem is that just using any words at all is suddenly taking serious effort. which is very unusual for me. while writing this post i just now started to wonder if this seems to happen more rarely than it really does bc at that level of suffering i can't usually remember much of those times.

like i don't remember much from the past weekend but i remember a feeling of being overwhelmed with fatigue and pain way past my usual point and it being harder to talk. but i don't remember most of the weekend really beyond a few small moments...

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

brains and bodies are weird