#cuz i felt so ostracized from the notion that 'aro ppl can still love!! just in a different way!! platonic love and familial love and—''

[kissimirrit]

this memory just hit me like a shitton of bricks ok listen so like

i had my first ever relationship when i was 11. we were both 11 and she was one of my closest friends, and it was an online relationship. she confessed to me via deviantart note yadda yadda that’s the context.

but early on, i kind of caught on that i didn’t feel the same way she felt for me. and i felt very, very guilty about it. that relationship ended, and a few months later i got another girlfriend who confessed feelings to me. and it became a little bit of a pattern where these girls i was friends with would confess feelings for me, i assume that we’re such close friends that this MUST be love, and then very quickly realize that what we are feeling are two very different things.

and all the while i was doing what any sad 11-13 year old furry on deviantart did at the time: make vent art saying that i’m incapable of love and that i’m scared i’ll never fall in love and that i’m a loveless husk of a person.

i just think it’s kind of funny that, looking back on it, from an early age, from relationship #1, i sort’ve knew that i didn’t feel romantic feelings, and that i never had before, and that i probably never will. (and i was right).