Fragmented
Noah Sebastian x OFC
I’m getting some of the most amazing comments and reblogs, I thank you all so deeply!! I love this story so much. I love where I know it’s going, so please trust me?
Warnings: Good ol' fashioned misery.
+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.
Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86
Part 4 - Graveyard
I could feel how flighty she was, like a feral cat that could scurry with any sudden movements. I held my hands out, trying to ease tension, and failing.
“Baby,” Her face was unreadable. Something between bewilderment and pure shock, but also seething rage, possibly. “nothing happened.”
She stared at me, waiting for me to say more, but I didn’t.
“That’s all you’ve got?” She was mocking me, and my stupidity. Good. I deserve it.
“Yes. Because that’s all there is.”
Her eye roll was as dramatic as they come, nearly making her head spin.
“Well, she was sure worked the fuck up, Noah. Sounded like a little more than nothing.”
The evenness in her voice contradicted her body language. She was now stood, hands in the air, confrontational.
“She’s insane.”
Her eyebrows jumped, a look of disbelief on her face.
“A girl essentially professes her love to you, and you call her insane?”
Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely.
“Leena, I’m not just being an asshole here. She has actually fucking lost it.”
I tried to mimic her calm, hoping this would steer the conversation on a healthier course.
That hope was thrown out when her voice jumped several decibels.
“Oh fuck you, Noah!” I could see them now, the hot, angry tears, rising to the surface, not quite ready to spill over. “People aren’t just so fucking obsessed with you that they make that kind of shit up!”
My eyes were staring at her, a frantic anxiety now rising inside me.
“She did! I’ve never, not fucking once, given her any ideas! She’s fucking mental, Mileena!”
“What happened at the club, Noah?” Her voice was back down, her hands hanging helpless at her sides.
“Nothing happened. We talked, and she spilled a fucking drink on me, and herself, so I-“
“Back up.” She put her hand up. “Don’t gloss over the details. Walk me through it.”
I shrugged hard. “I was alone, sitting on the couch, and she came over to talk to me. She had already had a few, and was pretty drunk when she approached me.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, frustration bubbling. “She spilled her drink on both of us.”
“So you were sitting pretty close together?” She raised an eyebrow, her arms again crossed in front of her.
“Jesus, Mileena, it’s a club! It was loud!” I threw my hands in the air and eyed her, irritated. “Since when are you the jealous type?!”
Her mouth fell open, and I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth. What a stupid fucking thing to say. Of course she’s not. That’s not what this was.
“The jealous type?!” How do I delete the last ten seconds? “You think this is me being jealous?!”
Ctrl + Alt + Del?! End Task?!
“You’re the one that’s fucking insane, Noah!” She turned, grabbing her phone off of the nightstand. “Let me show you how your behavior changed since that night.”
She unlocked her phone, opened our thread, and began scrolling. I didn’t even need to be close to see, my texts were back to back, five to six at a time, or paragraph long messages. She switched to her call logs, which was just my name over and over the past several days.
I would like to hand in my resignation to life now, please.
“Since that night, you’ve been blowing me up, and being extra affectionate, and clingy.” She scoffed, locking her phone and tossing it on the bed. “First I thought you just missed me but-“
“I did miss you!”
“You felt fucking guilty, Noah!” Her voice was nearing a scream. “Now quit pussy-footing around it and tell me what fucking happened that night!”
I sat down in the bed, and took a deep breath.
“Please believe me when I tell you, nothing actually happened.”
She stayed planted, several feet away.
“We left the club, I gave her a ride because she was going to Uber, and that wasn’t safe.” She was deathly silent. “Car ride took about thirty minutes because of traffic. We just listened to music, sang the songs on the radio.”
“She made a bit of a pass at me before she got out, saying something like she wanted to get to know me better? Or something like that. I don’t remember verbatim.”
“Then?”
“I went back to the club.”
She shifted her weight, leaning back on the desk against the wall. “That’s it? That’s all?”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “No.”
She visibly tensed, so I just went on.
“She texted me later. Said she left her vape in the car.” I looked up at her, trying to earn some kind of emotion. I was met with nothing but ice. “So I went to go get it.”
“She couldn’t get it herself?”
I didn’t have an answer for that. She could’ve. She offered.
“I found it, and took it to her room.” Her face almost looked like it was turning a sickly shade of green. “She opened the door, in her underwear, and a crop top.”
Her fingers were gripping the edge of the desk so hard that it was likely to snap if she didn’t let up.
“She invited me in. I left. Went back to my room. And avoided her ever since.”
Her hands eased ever so gently, but she didn’t let up her gaze. Seeing she wasn’t satisfied with that, I swiped my own phone from the table, and opened to Rachel’s text thread, handing her the phone.
“See? Nothing.”
She scrolled, eyes reading the one-sided conversation from the last few days.
“Only other thing I can tell you is that Folio told me that she said some shit to him at the bar, that she liked me? Or wanted to sleep with me?” I sighed. “I don’t know, and I don’t really care.”
She nodded, locking my phone, but still had yet to speak. She was thinking, going over it in her head, checking for holes, but there were none. That was all of it. I didn’t do anything wrong.
“I have only one question.” She handed my phone back to me, and I just nodded. “In the hall, she asked you if you considered it, going in her room. If you thought about it.”
My stomach dropped, my mouth went dry, and my heart stopped, all in the same fraction of a second before her next words came out.
“Did you?”
Where do I go from here? My brain, my heart, and all of my senses screamed at me to lie.
But I couldn’t.
Last time I lied to Mileena, I was drinking. And she left me. And who would know? Who could prove me wrong?
But…I couldn’t.
“Yes.”
I saw something, I can’t say what exactly, break behind her eyes. A tear finally spilled out over her cheek, and I saw her jaw clench under her skin. I felt as though I had just cut a cord on a rope bridge that held me up, and now I was just falling. Plummeting.
“Oh…” Her voice was so small now, and I felt something inside me shredding. Screaming. I’m such a fucking idiot.
Good one, Sebastian. Way to take it to your grave, dumbass.
But this was a grave, that I somehow ended up in, that I didn’t even fucking dig. It was fucking aggravating.
I stood up, reaching for her, but she flinched, putting an arm up between us, and squeezed her lids closed. More tears leaked from her eyes, and she only cracked them open for a second.
“Can you, uh, give me a few minutes?” She averted her eyes away, and I backed away from her out of respect. “I’m just…” She waved her hands around her head. “processing.”
I nodded. “Of course.” Shrugging, I pulled my shirt off. “I can take a shower? And we can talk more after?”
She only nodded in response, wiping her face.
I made my way into the bathroom, leaving the door open. I decided to take a quick shower, trying to wash the anxiety off of me. It was out in the open now, the fun part was working through it, and reminding Leena that no one else compared to her, and my idiotic brain was never going to turn on me like that again.
Imagine my shock when I stepped out of the bathroom, and my hotel room was empty, her bag, phone, and shoes gone. I ran over to my cell, opening it to call her when it began ringing, Nick’s face flashing.
I opened the call with haste. “What’s up?” My voice was frantic.
“Dude, what the fuck happened?!”
-
My fist was slamming into the door harder with each swing, the phone up to my ear telling me I was getting voicemail, again.
I growled, and beat on the door harder. “Open the fucking door, Rachel!”
I felt a set of hands on my shoulders, tugging backward.
“Noah! Calm the fuck down!” I fought back against Folio, as the door to the room swung open.
Rachel’s eyes were still thick with sleep, her hair hanging in a low ponytail. This time, she was fully clothed. Hilarious.
“You fucking psychopath!” My logical brain was gone, and I was fully primal, as I lunged toward her. Several hands had me around the waist, arms, and one on my chest. Nick’s face came into my line of vision.
“Noah, stop! Fucking stop!”
“No! She’s fucking insane! She knows what the fuck she’s doing!” I was baring my teeth like an animal, my hands balled into fists.
She stared at me, terrified, eyes blown wide and nearly hiding behind the door.
“W-What are you talking about?” Her words were timid, which only enraged me further.
“Don’t pull that bullshit! You knew she’d hear you! You manipulative bitch!”
A hard slap came across my cheek, and I glared over at Nick, who had taken a defensive step back.
As angry as I should’ve been, I was instead brought back to reality, realizing it was at least 1AM, in a hotel hallway.
“You good, dude?” My eyes stared at his, my body softening with each passing second. Eventually, the hands holding me loosened, and I shrugged away from them.
I nodded at Nick, who pushed my shoulder down the hallway toward another door. “C’mon dude, let’s go talk.”
“Is he drunk?” I could hear Rachel’s voice behind me, and I snarled, almost turning around before I heard Folio.
“Oh shut up, Rachel. You’ve done enough.”
Safely inside the room, I sat heavily on the bed, and dropped my head in my hands. My friends stood around me, staring down at me.
“She left?” Folio’s voice was sad, and I just nodded, staring at the floor.
“She came and got Laura about half an hour ago. She was crying. Said they had to leave.”
I picked my head up. “Laura was in your room?”
Nick raised his brows at me. “Is that really your concern right now?”
I heaved a breath and flopped back onto the bed, covering my face with both arms.
“She’s not answering my calls.”
“Fill us in, man.” Jolly sat next to me.
I had to go through all of the details again, them all asking various questions. By the end, I was more calm, but still so fucking angry.
“I’ve got to get home, man. I can’t ride back with her.”
Nick nodded. “We can rent a car in the morning? Drive back alone?”
“Pfft, and leave us with the wicked witch?”
I snorted at Folio’s comment.
“What the fuck am I going to do?”
“For starters, I’m calling Sumerian tomorrow. Figure out our options, legally.” Leave it to Jolly to use his right mind. “For now, you need to stay away from her.”
Standing up, I moved toward the bedroom door, squeezing the handle before opening it. “Not a problem. Just keep her the fuck away from me.”
Back in my room, I promptly blocked Rachel’s number from my phone, electing not to send her a last scathing text message.
I then, profusely, called Mileena. I was met with voicemail, leaving a few in my endeavor to reach her. I must have done this for hours before finally falling asleep, fully clothed, on top of the comforter.
When I awoke, Nick was jostling my shoulder, a duffel hanging from his shoulder.
“Let’s go, Sleeping Beauty. I’ve got the rental downstairs.”
I obeyed, gathering my things haphazardly, and following him to the lobby, not bothering to stop to brush my teeth or comb my hair. I didn’t care. Nothing mattered.
The drive back to Calabasas was long, hot, and irritating. I was slumped in the passenger’s seat while Nick drove. About half an hour in, I finally spoke.
“What if she doesn’t forgive me?”
Nick scoffed. “Please.” I glanced at him inquisitively. “She’s forgiven you for worse.”
I bumped my head back into the headrest repeatedly, groaning. “I hate this.”
“I know. But it’ll all work out, dude. Mileena loves you, and she’s a reasonable person.”
I nodded, accepting that answer.
“So…” He turned to look at me for a second. “You and Laura?” This made him crack a smile, that I returned.
“She’s fucking cool, dude.”
I slapped a hand on his shoulder. “Damn good baker, too.”
He nodded. “Yeah, she made me this cheesecake for my birthday? Fuck, man. Amazing!”
My mouth fell open. “Your birthday was five months ago!”
He laughed. “Dude, you miss a lot.”
I shook my head. “You little shit, couldn’t tell your best friend?!”
“Sure, if my best friend wasn’t always so wrapped up in his own drama.”
I punched a fist at his shoulder, laughing.
“Jackass.”
-
I opened the front door, and was met with overwhelming silence. No Angel barking. No TV playing. No voices. Nothing.
I moved slowly into the house, feeling an overwhelming nausea, as I bound up the stairs toward my room to deposit my bag. It was clear no one was here, but I didn’t know what to expect the further into the house I got.
The note was laying on the middle of the bed, but I didn’t pick it up immediately. I set my bag down and opened one of the dresser drawers, Leena’s pants drawer, which was empty. I then walked into the closet, where all I found were empty hangers on her side. I jogged down the hall to Addie’s room, where I found her walker, diapers, wipes, and clothes were gone. Even Angel’s bed that was always laid in the corner was gone.
My heart sunk, and I walked slowly back to my room, picking up the folded paper on the blanket, opening it to see her clean script.
Addie, Angel, and I will be staying at Laura’s for a while. Dad left this morning. When you’re ready to come see the baby, text Laura.
-Leena
I dropped the note, it falling gently back to the bed. Without thinking, my hand grabbed the lamp on the side table, slinging it at the wall behind the dresser, causing it to shatter.
“God damn it!” I screamed, my words echoing around the empty house. The tears fell hot onto the bed, my teeth grinding tightly together.
-
I let a few hours pass, taking a cold shower, and forcing myself to calm down. I ate a bowl of cereal, choking down each bite while fighting against the nausea settled in my gut. After I had gotten dressed, and relaxed enough to know I wouldn't explode at any given moment, I texted Laura.
Me: Hey
I didn't have to wait long.
Laura: Hey
Me: Can I come see Addie?
Laura: Of course
The drive to her house took about twenty minutes. I had rehearsed over and over what I would say to Leena, how I would convince her to come back home with me. How we could move past this.
But when I pulled up to the house, I was disappointed to see only Laura's car in the driveway, Leena's Tahoe nowhere in sight.
When Laura answered the door, she had Addison on her hip, who gave a large, single-toothed smile as soon as she saw me. Any hesitation and anxiety I had melted the very second I laid eyes on my daughter. I hadn't held her in months, and right now, all that mattered was her.
"Hey baby girl!" She reached her little arms out for me, and I scooped her up enthusiastically, planting a long, hard kiss on her cheek. She squealed in excitement. "Ugh, I missed you so much."
I squeezed her into my chest, her hands grabbing at my hair. She smelled so sweet, the baby scent still having a full effect on me. Laura moved to the side to let me in, and Angel ran up, barking in excitement.
"Hey buddy!" I squatted down, still holding Addie, and ran a hand over Angel, who licked me with fervor. "Been taking care of my girls?"
He barked in response.
I stood back up, and gave Laura a smile, not entirely sure where we stood. She returned it, a warm look in her eyes. I felt some relief, knowing I had someone on my side.
"Hey Noah." She gave me a one-armed hug, almost sympathetically, and shut the door behind me.
I walked over to the couch, sitting and letting Addie down. She began walking on wobbly legs toward her toys sprawled across the rug, Angel right behind, always watching.
"She's not here?" I looked up at Laura, who had sat cross-legged across from me on the floor. She just shook her head sadly. "Can I ask where she is?"
She just sighed. "She's asked me not to say. She wants to be alone."
I nodded, not surprised. "I don't know what to do Laura."
She leaned back on her palms, stretching her legs. "I wish I could tell you, hon. But I don't know. She's hurt."
I huffed, frustrated. "I didn't do anything. I was good, I didn't cheat on her, I didn't fuck around."
Laura eyed me, unamused. "Noah, you admitted you thought about sleeping with another woman." She put her hand up, gesturing to me. "Can you say you'd feel different if she did that to you?"
I considered this, realizing I hadn't thought about it that way at all. She had a valid point.
"Fair. I just want the chance to explain that it doesn't matter. I love her, no one else. I don't want anyone else."
Her eyes were so soft. Laura heard me, which I appreciated. Hopefully she could convince Leena of the same.
I spent two hours playing with Addie, and feeding her lunch, before Laura excused herself to the bedroom to take a phone call. I had just cleaned up Addison, and was removing her from the highchair when Laura walked back in, her phone in hand.
"Here, let me change her clothes, you take this." She handed me the cell and I looked down to see the call open, Leena's face on the screen.
I looked at Laura, who just nodded while she turned and took Addison in the next room.
"Hey!" My voice was so jumpy, I cleared my throat to calm it down. "Where are you?"
"I went to a meeting." Her words were stale, no feeling behind them.
"Oh, that's good." I stepped out the back door, pulling it closed behind me. "Are you going to come back? I really need to see you."
Her breath was loud on the other end, slightly ragged. "Noah, I don't want to see you."
What is the feeling when you feel like your skin is going to melt off, but your insides are completely frozen? Is there a name for that? Panic, maybe?
"You don't." It wasn't a question. She didn't respond. "Okay, uh," I kicked at the dirt under my feet. "I don't know what to say to that."
"I don't know if I can do this, Noah."
Shattered? Devastated? There's a fucking name for it.
"What do you mean?" I couldn't bring my words above a whisper, given the wind had been knocked right out of me. She wasn't saying what I thought she was, was she?
"There's always going to be a tour. Time away. Me home with Addie. A girl who throws herself at you. Lots of them."
"Leena-"
"And, it's just too hard, Noah."
Shaking. I was fucking shaking.
"No, babe-"
"I can't do it. Not now. Not with Addie. I thought I could. I really, really did."
"Leena, listen-" I was yelling now, but she just kept talking.
"I love you too much. And I love us. But we can't be us. Because you're a rockstar. And you have a career, and a life."
"I have you! And Addison! I'll quit right fucking now, Mileena! I will call Sumerian right now and tell them I'm out. Forever. I'll ghost write. I'll produce from home. I'll never tour again!" I was desperate. I was begging.
"No, you won't, Noah. You love it. It's your dream. I won't let you."
"I love you! I won't lose you over this! Rachel is nothing! Nothing!"
"It's not just her. How many more Rachels will there be?" I heard her voice cracking. "And I'll be at home, with Addison. We can't go on tour with you. I can't always be there. Noah, I just can't."
"Mileena, I'll do anything. Please."
"Take Addie for the night. Or a couple days. She missed you."
"God damn it Leena, stop and listen to me!"
"We can work out me having her while you're on tour. You can have her when you're home, or we can split the time if it's not a heavy year." She sighed. "We don't need to worry about custody."
"Custody?!" I was full-blown screaming. "Mileena! You're overreacting! Please!"
"I'm sure you think so. But you haven't been where I am. You haven't seen what I have! You haven't been left behind! I was, Noah! And I supported you! Through it all! I happily stayed home with Addison while you chased your dreams, and became the success you are! And when I finally have you back, I hear you almost slept with another woman?! You considered it?!" She stopped abruptly, her words blurring together, sobs shaking her words.
She took a moment to compose, which was fine, because trying to swallow everything she had just said was proving to be more difficult than I expected.
"I'm not going to do this." She paused for only a beat. "Take Addison. Let me know when I can come pick her up. The car seat should still be in your truck."
I couldn't speak, my mind was blank. My brain was flattened.
"Just be gone by six." And the line went dead, the phone beeping, signaling the end of the call.
Oh. That's what this feeling was.
Pain.
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See Update in Reblog Below!
I've futzed around with a bunch of machine translation over the years, and here's what I've landed on (for Android and Windows).
Note: For both of these, the translations are wildly imperfect. Having some knowledge of the language you're translating obviously helps, or you're going to be confused when Google or DeepL decide to infer the wrong pronouns because they aren't people and don't understand context.
EverTranslator
When I'm purely on my phone, I use EverTranslator. It's free and much better than it used to be once you make a few changes in the settings. I have it set to . . .
Joiner between text blocks: Space
Remove ending dashes: On
Remove line breakers inside text blocks: On
Remove spaces in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean text: On
EverTranslator: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=tw.firemaples.onscreenocr
UGT (with a controller)
Mirroring Your Screen on your PC
I cast my phone to my laptop via Windows Phone Link or ScrCpy when I use UGT.
§ Windows Phone Link
Upsides of WPL:
It should be natively included in your version of Windows (you'll need to get the app on your phone, though).
(Usually) sound will come through your PC instead of phone.
USB connection not required--you can connect wirelessly to a PC on the same internet connection. Great if your phone is charging across the room.
Downside:
Can't rotate the screen manually for apps that are weird about rotating (AKNK).
§ BlueStacks
This method ought to also work with BlueStacks, but I haven't ever used BlueStacks because I'm paranoid about where I allow my Google data to be accessed.
§ Samsung Dex
Samsung Dex doesn't rotate apps at all, so that method is straight out.
§ ScrCpy
Scrcpy via USB Debugging mirrors your Android to your PC without having to root your phone. This is a little more advanced than using Windows Phone Link or BlueStacks, but you're using your own phone without granting anyone your Google credentials AND you can rotate the screen easily (unlike Dex or Windows Phone Link).
Upsides of ScrCpy:
You can rotate the ScrCpy window on your PC by holding alt and pushing the left arrow key. Great for AKNK's outings and sleep support.
Downside:
Getting sound through your PC rather than phone via ScrCpy is less reliable. Though it supposedly ports audio to your PC natively with the latest release, I still need to use the dev's SndCpy: https://github.com/rom1v/sndcpy/blob/master/README.md
Setting Up UGT
UGT requires more work than EverTranslator, but once you've set it up, it's worth it. You can use it for anything on your PC. Congratulations, you can now play any untranslated Japanese otome game via emulator.
A walkthrough on how to set up UGT: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2741318181
You'll need to futz around with the config file a bit, especially with the autoglue, even when you move from game to game, but it's worth the hassle.
UGT normally supports controllers to make it easier/faster to translate (and save your wrists/fingers), but that feature is broken at the moment. The dev knows. So, I cobbled together a script in AutoHotKey for my Xbox controller . . .
Autohotkey: https://www.autohotkey.com/
The script: https://vatnalilja.neocities.org/UGTAHK
Once you load this script into AutoHotKey and run it, the buttons on your Xbox controller will work as follows:
UGT's normal functions will work; consult the program
A will translate the active window (use ctrl+F10 to set a translation rectangle so it's not unnecessarily translating everything onscreen—you can always use ctrl+F10 to set a new rectangle)
B will clear the translation (the equivalent of spacebar in UGT)
Y will act as the left click of a mouse button
Left joystick will act as a mouse, so you can move around the screen to select things without touching the mouse
I updated the above AHK config file so its set back to UGT default (ctrl+f12), allowing you to run it out of the box with UGT. My original version was tailored to my modified hot keys.
These AHK settings may conflict with games that require these buttons on a gamepad, but you can look up AutoHotKey's instructions and easily change them in the script. I promise it isn't hard. Otome games are usually point-and-click, though.
This is what my setup looks like on Windows with my Android phone cast to my laptop via Windows Phone Link using UGT and a controller (not that you can see the controller part). It's so big. Good for my old eyes!
Here's my setup via ScrCpy:
DeskTranslator
Another option besides UGT is DeskTranslator, which won't require you to connect Google or DeepL in the settings or set up anything in Google Cloud Dashboard, but will require you to know some Python, access PowerShell, etc.
The installation directions for DeskTranslator and its requirements are available on each repository page, and if you need help installing Python packages, you can very easily search Google for the right commands to copy/paste into PowerShell.
One nice thing about DeskTranslator is that it will give you reasonably real-time translations without having to push any keys/buttons. Use this combined with Windows' captions in a foreign language and you can have translation of spoken dialogue that has no built-in captions in your game.
You can also drag the translation box over a normal dialogue box and use it that way, too (like UGT or DeepL's app--see reblog below for more on DeepL's app).
When used with ScrCpy, you can simply hold your phone in your hand (connected to your PC by USB) and tap the screen like normal. No controller or keyboard hot keys are needed.
ScrCpy + SndCpy with Windows Captions and DeskTranslator
ScrCpy + SndCpy and DeskTranslator
If you use Apple products or a controller other than an Xbox controller, YMMV. There is a version of UGT that is on Linux and experimental on MacOSX: https://pypi.org/project/pyugt/. Godspeed.
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