#craving that punishment mineral and it's tearing me apart a bit teehee

[robinsnest2111]

you don't need to be beat up. you're just craving attention from a loved one and physical touch, but the usual way you're used to experiencing those things was your parents' abuse. I hope you never experience violence again.

sorry anon, had to let this one sit in my inbox a while because I didn't like what it did to my brain upon the first read. but you might really be onto something there. and there's LOTS of mental stuff to unpack for me if I ever get lucky enough to find a therapist willing and able to work with me.

rationally I'd like to not be beat up ever again, but on a deeper level I still crave violence be done to my meatsuit and it's quite disorienting and strange to say the least. also craving hugs and softness, in the way one would crave things they've rarely experienced themself but have read about or seen in media, but that is it's own can of worms because softness is strange and scary, especially when inserting myself into these scenarios. even more scary when I can't tell who I can 100% trust and who would even be willing to give me what I need. (the people I'd love to be soft with I don't wanna burden with tedious stuff like hugs and cuddles). I'm way more familiar with no physical contact at all with a bit of violence sprinkled in. anything else feels frightening.

anyway. sorry for rambling, and thank you for your kind words.