#coutnryhumans wales

[countryshitposts]

UK, in a German accent: WELCOME TO THE HAUS! *unfuses*

England, Scotland, Wales and N. Ireland: TO THE HAUS OF HOLBEIN JA! DAS IST GUT OH JA!

Germany, softly: what the fuck

[countryshitposts]

more family headcannons i thought of at school

- Celtic or Gaul probably had a casual fling with a Nordic country (can’t decide) and they produce Ireland, Iceland, and Greenland (this comes with stock knowledge that i’m reading up on)

- Scots had a fucking fling with a Nordic country that produced Scotland

- Welsh... Nordic country, Wales

- Angles and Germania had England

- Rome adopted these guys because their parents couldn’t even be bothered with them (perhaps they were made before Roman Empire collapsed)

- Roman Empire or SPQR, rioted against Roman Republic and had him overthrown (or he was just a phase lmao)

- Phoenicia was actually the one who raised Carthage a lot in his early years, because Ancient Greece is just busy for some reason

- Byzantium actually died after giving birth to Greece, and she never really met her mom or knew about her because the Ottoman Empire seized Constantinople after her death

- Russian Empire actually loved Soviet Union but he showed it in a bad way, and he was executed publicly

- in the afterlife the guy’s probably sweating and wondering what is Soviet doing and boom he shows up on his doorsteps

- Hungary and Czechoslovakia sticking together during the times Soviet had control over them

- Hungary and Czechoslovakia were actually fluent in some languages until Soviet wanted them to learn Russian and their fluency fades

- Second German Empire wondering where everything went wrong in his life and how he let Austria-Hungary go like that before shooting himself in the head

- East and Hungary steal food from local bakeries and pantries

[countryshitposts]

countries as overly sarcastic productions quotes (part 4)

Spain: I would’ve told France to go fuck herself, but she already beat me to the punch.

Britain: Entropy is the only constant in this world

l--> Britain: But you should really take care of your fragile corporeal shell while it’s still in one piece

l---> Britain: Soup?

1800′s America: Unorthodox Hubris But Very Well.

China: Oh balls I might be in over my head

America: You want exceptional? Well, no one can eat faster than me.

America: *snoring loudly*

l--> Canada, with eyebags and unable to sleep: Kill him.

l---> Mexico: Maybe you should try killing him. Ever considered that concept?

Wales, looking at Scotland: *gasp* Who hurt you?!

l--> Scotland: Trick question it was England!

Britain: This movie is so pretty and so dumb, you should probably watch it. With the sound off.

l--> France: It’s a really bad movie but a beautiful screensaver.

America: So if anyone starts anything, we side with the one who didn’t start it

l--> Canada: Does that include fridge disputes?

l---> Australia: I said i was sorry!

France: Halt, villains!

l--> Austria-Hungary: Egads!

l---> German Empire: Such virtue!

l----> Ottoman Empire: And those abs!

1400′s England: It was beautiful, rich in resources, and...

l--> 1400′s France: It was America.

France: Honestly sometimes Britain likes to troll their colonies- keeps them on their toes, make sure they’re paying attention, you get it.

l--> Spain: Yeah, that checks out.

PROC: Sunken city? Rad. Sunken city full of magic people? Super rad. Unless you’re ROC who has thalassaphobia and you can’t watch Aquaman onscreen because you’d literally rather die

l--> ROC: The deeper you go, the more nightmares there are. There’s always a bigger fish :(

Yamato: My wife squandered our chance at mutual immortality to become the shogunate of Japan.

l--> Shang: That’s rough, buddy.

France at his colonies: You children get down here at once!

l--> His colonies: Screw you dad

Yamato, in the after life: Okay, first of all, rude

l--> Tokugawa Shogunate: But worth it!

France: If you define the calendar you’ll never need another date

America: Maybe this process isn’t as intuitive as I thought...

[countryshitposts]

do you have more ideas with rome raising britain?? i actually love this idea so much sagfajgk

okay Jesus this is long-

- okay, so technically Britain, in my head-cannons, is a fusion of five different individuals; England, Ireland, N. Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

- usually, Scotland breaks from the confinements of Rome (see every world map depicting Roman Empire ever) because he’s more rebellious that his bros will ever be

- The Roman Empire is basically the ‘distant father’ trope: cold in the outside, but very protective towards his adoptive children.

- Rome really, really likes discipline, and mostly trains all his children to become as glorious as he will be once they grow up. which means forcing them to be with him once he runs towards the battlefield.

- Rome is an absent father, and leaves all his younger children (read: “not mentally and emotionally stable”) to be cared for by the emperor, empress, or the guards

- The five Brittanian brothers, due to being the oldest, has been Rome’s right-hand men in all situations, and their idea for ‘father-sons bonding time’ is getting ready for battle, readying their swords, shields, armors and helmets, yelling out war cries, slaughtering and making strategies.

- England has mixed relations with his father; one time, they’re exchanging warm words and gestures, then the next they’re hitting each other with the hilts of their swords. England wants Rome to die, but also doesn’t want him to die.

- One time, Wales actually tried and help Carthage win the Punic Wars, especially with Hannibal around. it failed, and he was found out. Rome wanted to murder him and salt his land, but Ireland, N. Ireland and England decided against it, wanting their gather to give their sibling another chance.

- Ireland is the only one to know about Rome and Carthage’s secret affair, and wanted to spread it towards the empire, knowing it will cause an uproar. the next day Rome salts Carthage’s earth.

- gives his children the most bountiful harvest and the best meat in the empire- if one of his sons complain, he will conquer a fertile land and give them what they had wanted that Rome didn’t have.

- the burying of Pompeii is a very large hit towards Rome, since he is one of his favorite biological children. he can’t find his body anymore- buried deep into the parts history will never touch.

- from that day, he’d look gloomy and sad, to the point all his adoptive children try to cheer him up to lead him on and try to rekindle his passion for mass conquering.

- one day, three years after Pompeii’s demise, he looks at the balcony facing the sun, and, finally smiles. this site is such a shocking sight for England that he barely runs towards his room before fainting.

- Pax Romana is a time of peace for everyone, including Rome’s children, because there were no major wars except for borders.

- in that time, Rome was now much more focused onto letting his children grow and become at one with their surroundings. it is noted, that in this time, his cold glares became soft smiles, as he looks onto his children happily.

- he reads all of his children bedtime stories during the Pax Romana, having so much time in doing it other than the many times he had neglected them.

- this caused his children to learn more about Rome, as he tells them all about his time as a kingdom, and then a republic, then Caesar’s many stabs, then what he is now today.

- he builds gardens and monuments and other stuff for his children, but never gets thanked for.

- Once Pax Romana comes to an end, he starts cracking, and his children just laugh at his misgivings. he punishes them by pushing them off great heights. ineffective.

- Caligula affects Rome’s mentality. he wakes up in his room with his hands soaked in blood, his blankets wet, and a body in his bedroom. Egypt, goddamn it. England and Wales try to take in many victims of the end of Pax Romana, despite being beaten by Rome himself, and being trampled by horses and tortured.

- Nero is another story. Ireland can still see the flames eating up the entire houses and buildings. Wales takes in as many fire victims as he can in the temples of Vesta, Jupiter, and Juno, praying to them for safety. North Ireland witnesses many people bursting into flames. And England sees Rome, with a sadistic smile, setting everything on fire. he didn’t tell his siblings.

- Rome starts persecuting Christians and Catholics; much to his children’s dismay at seeing people being tortured due to their religion.

- Ireland, N. Ireland, England, Wales, and Scotland fused for the first time in accident, and used their brand new body to liberate the Catholics and try to duel with their father, who is enraged with such treachery.

- they fight and duel for many minutes, evenly matched, until Emperor Constantine intervenes and tells them that he will now accept Catholics to live with the Romans. Even more so, he moves the capital to Constantinople so he can be closer to Rome’s main rival; the Sassanids.

- Rome then starts to fall apart, with the Germanic tribes coming up north, and he tries to spend the last of his days holding hands with his rebelling sons, smiling with little teardrops ever falling, knowing that the next time they will see each other, Rome won’t remember them.

- Rome falls apart, as he drinks poison so he can die fast. the western side dies, and the eastern, Byzantine Empire, leaves Rome to have a peace of mind, leaving his children behind.

- fast forward, centuries later, Spain, Portugal, Britain, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, talking to Italy, like back in the old days.