#counselor today told me very genuinely that she's damned if i'm going to kill myself on her watch fdsgjkl | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

piplupod · 2 months ago

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searchengine dot com clicks search bar typing "how do i make peace with the fact that i am living a life that is the situation i was terrified of ending up in as a kid. how do i make peace with the fact that my younger self would've killed themself if they saw where we are now because the only reason they stayed alive was for a dream that has been relatively recently rendered impossible forever. how do i continue to pretend that i am just the same as everyone else and a-okay when i feel like i need to scream for help nearly constantly. how do i make peace with a situation that makes me feel nauseous to simply think about and remember i exist in."

#anyways i suppose its a good thing but i am going to get set up to use the food bank soon yayyyy #this is so scary lol i thought... i thought i was going to go to university and become a therapist or smth in the psychology field #and now i am. staring down the barrel of applying for welfare. and unable to work. and still living under my abusers thumbs.#and if i dont apply for welfare then i am going to run out of money and ermmm its game over at that point. christ!#counselor today told me very genuinely that she's damned if i'm going to kill myself on her watch fdsgjkl #me crying to her saying i just want to admit myself into the psych ward while my parents are away so they dont find out about it #just so i can get someone to fucking help me through the welfare application process. i would like a hand to hold im sorry!!#things are Not good 👍👍👍#but at least i might be able to use the food bank. but i still feel like i am not bad off enough to use these resources #despite like. i qualify for welfare at this point. thats why i can apply for it fdjskl.#but i still somehow feel like i am not bad off enough for this stuff. idk. argh argh argh argh #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide cw

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